FP Riffs 1: PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
Hey, it’s Fallen Prime of Fan/fic/ Theater 3000 (for only about a month at this point), here to look at “PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP” (or “29P” if you want to shorthand it) with the blessing of author R1NGmasterJ5, who’s basically the head of F/F/T3K. The story was up for riffing there for a while, but it’s either A. in the comment-voting stages or B. completely gone because I was one of the only ones to try riffing it. If it’s the latter (which would be a shame), then all the more reason for me to strike out on my own and do this. This one’s made of liquid crazy mixed with batshit awesome, and if you’ve read it and think that description’s completely wrong, I dare you to try describing it yourself.
Fallen Prime: And now that’s FORTY shotguns. Good god, I need to expand this armory a bit; at this rate the shotguns are gonna need space I just don’t have in here. And I’m NOT moving the rocket launchers-
Pinkie Pie: HI THERE, PRIMEY!
Rainbow Dash: What’s up?
Fallen: MOTHER OF- where’d you come from!? How do you know me!?
Pinkie: The Internet. Hey, wanna do an MST? I’ve got the bestest, most random story you’ll ever see!
Fallen: I wrote an eight-page paper in ninth grade that was basically a string of nouns and verbs stuck in random places. How is this more random?
Dash: Trust me. If you’d read it, you wouldn’t be saying that. It’s called “PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP,” and it’s one of the craziest, most incoherent things the fandom’s ever created!
Fallen: ...yeah, I suppose I could go for that. I LOVE random. That’s why Pinkie’s my favorite
Pinkie: YAY!
Dash: HEY!
Fallen: But wait, why did you burst into my armory to present this to me? Why didn’t you lure me to where you lock that Author guy each round?
Pinkie: I figured a change of scenery would make it more fun. And so far it looks like it’s working! There’s already so many more shiny things all over the walls-
Fallen: DON’T TOUCH ANY OF THOSE!
Dash: Could she even ACCIDENTALLY use those? I don’t think you can pull a trigger with hooves.
Fallen: There’s more than guns in here. And you don’t need digits to pull a grenade pin.
Dash: Why do you have all these weapons, anyway?
Fallen: Shut up, I’m supposed to be the one asking questions. Why exactly are you here?
Pinkie: I just told you! We’re gonna do an MST of 29P!
Dash: Of COURSE she counted the P’s...
Fallen: That tells me nothing. Why me, specifically? And why are YOU joining me? You know, instead of making somepony else suffer through the stories?
Pinkie: I thought it would be fun.
Fallen: That’s going to be your answer for a lot, isn’t it.
Pinkie: It’s the RIGHT answer for a lot, so yeah!
Fallen: Okay, I can buy YOU wanting to riff something like this, but why Rainbow Dash?
Dash: I had nothing better to do. Pinkie just told me she had something she wanted me to help with, and I tagged along. And once she told me what it was she wanted, I was already completely sold on it.
Fallen: ...fine, I guess. But how do you plan on keeping me in here? You can’t lock my doors like you can Author’s. I could walk out the second we-
(The armory doors slam shut and lock anyway.)
Fallen: HAD to say it, didn’t I. But wait, I thought I already locked them! How did they unlock in the first place? In fact, how did you even get into my armo-
(Buzzer sounds.)
Pinkie: No time for that! We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: NO! I still have questions! Where’s the sound even coming from-GAH! (pulled over to the screen by Dash)
Pinkie Pie: HI THERE, PRIMEY!
Rainbow Dash: What’s up?
Fallen: MOTHER OF- where’d you come from!? How do you know me!?
Pinkie: The Internet. Hey, wanna do an MST? I’ve got the bestest, most random story you’ll ever see!
Fallen: I wrote an eight-page paper in ninth grade that was basically a string of nouns and verbs stuck in random places. How is this more random?
Dash: Trust me. If you’d read it, you wouldn’t be saying that. It’s called “PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP,” and it’s one of the craziest, most incoherent things the fandom’s ever created!
Fallen: ...yeah, I suppose I could go for that. I LOVE random. That’s why Pinkie’s my favorite
Pinkie: YAY!
Dash: HEY!
Fallen: But wait, why did you burst into my armory to present this to me? Why didn’t you lure me to where you lock that Author guy each round?
Pinkie: I figured a change of scenery would make it more fun. And so far it looks like it’s working! There’s already so many more shiny things all over the walls-
Fallen: DON’T TOUCH ANY OF THOSE!
Dash: Could she even ACCIDENTALLY use those? I don’t think you can pull a trigger with hooves.
Fallen: There’s more than guns in here. And you don’t need digits to pull a grenade pin.
Dash: Why do you have all these weapons, anyway?
Fallen: Shut up, I’m supposed to be the one asking questions. Why exactly are you here?
Pinkie: I just told you! We’re gonna do an MST of 29P!
Dash: Of COURSE she counted the P’s...
Fallen: That tells me nothing. Why me, specifically? And why are YOU joining me? You know, instead of making somepony else suffer through the stories?
Pinkie: I thought it would be fun.
Fallen: That’s going to be your answer for a lot, isn’t it.
Pinkie: It’s the RIGHT answer for a lot, so yeah!
Fallen: Okay, I can buy YOU wanting to riff something like this, but why Rainbow Dash?
Dash: I had nothing better to do. Pinkie just told me she had something she wanted me to help with, and I tagged along. And once she told me what it was she wanted, I was already completely sold on it.
Fallen: ...fine, I guess. But how do you plan on keeping me in here? You can’t lock my doors like you can Author’s. I could walk out the second we-
(The armory doors slam shut and lock anyway.)
Fallen: HAD to say it, didn’t I. But wait, I thought I already locked them! How did they unlock in the first place? In fact, how did you even get into my armo-
(Buzzer sounds.)
Pinkie: No time for that! We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: NO! I still have questions! Where’s the sound even coming from-GAH! (pulled over to the screen by Dash)
Nopony could remember a time when it had rained so hard.
Fallen: Not even a proper intro. We’re just starting it right up.
"Hmm." Twilight Sparkle said, "This...isn't water, it's acid.
Fallen: ...I’m lost already.
Dash: The feeling’s mutual.
Pinkie: I don’t know what you’re complaining about. It makes PERFECT sense!
All the background ponies were then disintegrated from the acid Trixie tears.
Pinkie: See? Acid Trixie tears! It all comes together!
Fallen: I’m... just going to take your word for it.
"I must find out where this is coming from!" Spike said, as he punched Pinkie Pie into the sun.
Dash: Spike’s got a mean uppercut.
Fallen: You’re not questioning the logic of him being able to do that in the first place?
Dash: Details. This is awesome, so I don’t question it.
Derpy Hooves
Fallen: Who’s apparently immune to background-pony-killing acid.
yelled, "NO! SHE WAS MY COUSIN! THIS HAS NO PARDON!" and turned into Derpzilla,
Fallen: King of the muffins!
Dash: Wouldn’t it be QUEEN?
Fallen: No, it’s- see, becau- no, I’m not explaining myself to you.
who derped up the moon, which was now made of LAZERS and 4CHAN,
Fallen: Well, now I know why it’s such a punishment to be sent up there.
(but it still counts as a moon) and threw it at Fluttershy, who turned into a shark from the impact.
Pinkie: If the moon didn’t have LAZERS, she would’ve turned into an ostrich.
"How does Rainbow Dash taste, Twilight?" Spike said, whipping around his tailsaw made of holy freakfire.
Dash: I want one-
Fallen: NO.
"Like some kid with wings." Twilight spit out two wings
Pinkie: The wings aren’t exactly edible. They work much better sewn onto a dress!
Fallen and Dash: (back slowly away from Pinkie)
as she lifted up Fluttershark and fired her at Applejack's new truck, the resulting icefire
Dash: Huh. Would an icefire be incredibly hot or incredibly cold?
Pinkie: Yep!
engulfing half of the Multiverse in a rainbow cupcake.
Fallen: I think you used the “Cupcakes” joke too soon, Pinkie.
Pinkie: What joke?
Fallen and Dash: (back up further)
Spike used his mailbreath to send the cupcake-verse to Lauren Faust, who rejected it
Dash: It needed to be about twen-
Fallen: Stop. That joke’s been done to death.
Dash: But I’ve only ever said it once!
and made a crossover of some sort.
Fallen: Gurren Lagann mixed with Indiana Jones. FOOLPROOF!
Pinkie: You sound just like Author right now!
Needless to say, it was amaz-"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!"
Dash: Did the story just roar at us!?
Fallen: See? You can’t ignore ALL the stupid.
Derpzilla smashed the corpse of the other multiverse half into the cupcake, smashing the multiverses together,
Pinkie: You got cupcake in my multiverse!
Dash: You got multiverse in my cupcake!
leading to the ponies being smothered by obsessed Bronies.
Fallen: Not that too many ponies were left after the acid Trixie rain...
"Twilight, you must ROCK THE FREAK OUT",
Dash: Aw yeah! With a command like that, this HAS to get awesome!
said Princess Celestia, summoning Zamboni. Applejack drove Zamboni over Canada, sinking it,
Fallen: But who’s going to miss Canada anyway?
Pinkie: That was really mean, Primey! Take it back!
Fallen: Why are you calling me-
Pinkie: TAKE IT BACK!!!
Fallen: Um... look, more story!
which revealed Fluttershark to be the second coming of Jesusatan,
Fallen: Eh. Santa Christ is better.
a creature worshipped by snowboard assassins and muffins.
Dash: Not snowboard assassin muffins, though. They’re really picky about that.
Steven Magnate fixed the multiverse with a twist of his amazing moustache,
Fallen: Okay, how do you understand this at all?
Pinkie: It’s simple! Since Rarity used her tail to fix his mustache, Steven Magnet gained some of the Element of Generosity’s power!
Fallen: Enough of it to fix the multiverse?
Pinkie: Duh! He just did, didn’t he?
with the one exception being there were Hipstamatic cameras raining over both Multiverseuniverses, which summoned a demonic iPod
Pinkie: The only song on it was an infinite loop of the parasprite polka!
that enslaved the ponies until Hasbro took hold of the entire story.
Fallen: They turned My Little Pony into a story about an alien invasion and released it to the masses that summer.
Dash: Would humans really do something that crazy?
Fallen: You really haven’t seen half of our recent movies, have you?
"Want to come over for a tea party, Rainbow?" said Pinkie.
Pinkie: Hey, I’m back from the sun!
Dash: And I’m back from... Twilight’s stomach.
"Of course, my great friend!"
Then everything exploded.
Pinkie: HAPPY END!
Fallen: ...what? No, really, what?
Pinkie: Don’t you get it? You HAVE to get it! Come on, I’ll give you one guess as to what the exploding means!
Fallen: ...the story got taken over by Michael Bay?
Pinkie: Close, but no. And since you lost that game, you have to keep reading!
Fallen: I never assumed you’d have let me out even if I was right. But wait, there’s MORE?
Dash: Four more chapters.
Fallen: Dammit!
Trixie flew(somehow...)
Dash: I could believe everything else in the story, but TRIXIE FLYING? That’s completely nuts!
across Equestria, as she looked down upon the detestable little ponies in the city.
Fallen: “This city is afraid of the Great and Powerful Trixie. She has seen its true face.”
How unbecomingly of them, just walking around like they were actually true masters.
Pinkie: They hadn’t even beaten the fourth gym yet!
Fallen: Nice one.
"I am not going to tolerate that! OBJECTION!"
Fallen: Overruled. Shut up.
But they did not believe in her.
Dash: What’s that supposed to mean? I mean, yeah, she’s just some hotheaded unicorn who thinks she’s better than me and everypony else, but she’s REAL.
Fallen: Maybe her power comes from the number of adoring fans she has.
Furious, she set her own hair on fire, and shot everyone using a pistol made of pie
Fallen: Wait, is THAT what happened to my pie pistol?
Dash: ...you have a pie pistol?
Fallen: I have a lot of things in here.
as wereponies cried, which summoned Fluttershark.
Fallen: How does that make sense?
Pinkie: Wereponies can summon silly mash-up creatures with their voices! Everypony knows that!
Dash: I didn’t...
"Flutter, why are you eating us?" asked Derpy,
Dash: “Because the story is making me.”
just as her bowels began to shine, allowing her to transform into Derpzilla.
Fallen: I’m not going to ask how that made her transform, and I’ll instead ask how glowing bowels would even be visible.
Spike's arm began to melt, and suddenly his legs were made of root beer.
Fallen and Pinkie: WANT!
Joining the fight, the three conquered all of the multiverse.
Dash: Must’ve had a truce somewhere down the line.
Rainbow vomited poop ladybugs,
Fallen: Ew. How do you even DO that?
Pinkie: With effort! And probably a lot of pain.
as she ripped the world in half,
Pinkie: HAPPY END!
Fallen: I’m glad you know enough to make that reference, but do you have to scream it every time-
Pinkie: Yep!
so that it would be easier to kill. Suddenly, she realized she was raping the universe.
Dash: WHAT!?
"Not again!" she shouted,
Dash: WHAT!?
Pinkie: (between laughs) I love your reactions, Dashie!
as Trixie fought her to the death.
"I won't lose!"
"Why not?"
Fallen: Who’s talking?
Pinkie: Dashie and Trixie, silly!
Fallen: Yeah, but in what order?
Pinkie: You’ll understand when you’re older.
"Because I promised!"
"What did you promise?"
Dash: “To not be in this story!”
Fallen: And what a fine job you’re doing of that.
Dash: Shut up!
"To be a pony!"
Trixie withdrew her hat from another dimension and reminded herself to kill herself later,
Dash: Those actions had EVERYTHING to do with each other.
Pinkie: See? NOW you’re getting it!
Fallen: Pinkie, she was being sarcastic.
Pinkie: You’re just jealous ‘cuz she figured it out before you did.
Fallen: Yes, that MUST be it.
as she summoned a meteor to kill all of Equestria,
Dash: How long’s THAT genocide gonna last?
Fallen: The respawn timers on this thing are implausibly quick.
leaving only her, Rainbow, and the snowboard assassins from Mercury, who now rule the universe.
Dash: I dunno why they survived, but hey, I can share.
Pinkie Pie woke up and destroyed all of Dallas, as the sun can do anything she freaking wants.
Pinkie: Yay, I still have super sun powers!
Fallen: What do you mean “still?” And I thought Hasbro retconned you out of the sun.
Pinkie: Yeah, but then everything exploded, remember?
Fallen: But- that doesn’t- how the-
Dash: Fallen, just give up.
That is, until it gets eaten by Fluttershark. Flutterfireshark
Fallen: Because eating the sun means instant promotion.
started spitting acid fireballs made out of lightsabers and Stephen Magnate moustache fragments
Fallen: How does that work at all?
Pinkie: Think about it. What else could you make fireballs out of that wouldn’t just be totally silly?
Fallen: Fire.
Dash: Just shut up and bask in the awesomeness.
at the world, restoring it. Trixie said, "I need to boost the wordcount of this fic!",
Fallen: ...huh. Now that I think about it, these chapters seem extraordinarily short.
Dash: They are. For now.
while eating a television. Flutterfireshark, who was now a pegashark made of fire,
Pinkie: The best kind of pegashark!
froze over Muffin Hell while derping.
Then everyone died.
Pinkie: Aw. That’s not a good prize!
Dash: As much as I know I’m gonna regret asking... a prize for what?
Pinkie: The game! I thought you were paying attention!
Fallen: Shit. You just made me lose The Game.
Dash: CRAP! I’ll have to get you back for that. AND for earlier, when you said you liked Pinkie Pie more than me.
Fallen: You’re still on that?
Pinkie: Stop it, guys! You’ll miss the next chapter!
Dash: Wait, this one’s over already?
Flutterfireshark was eating the head of a goffik pony named Ebony Raven
Fallen: That’s it. Flutterfireshark is best pony.
Pinkie: But... but... (whimpering as her hair starts deflating)
Fallen: Oh god. Shh, no, don’t cry! I didn’t mean it!
when she was attacked by ...!
... was quickly set on fire,
Dash: Well. THAT happened.
Fallen: Whatever THAT actually was.
revealing him to be Turtle Buu Jackcolt,
Fallen: Suddenly I understand nothing.
who then proceeded to tack Ponyville.
Pinkie: I hope everypony’s being careful where they step!
Dash: Well, YOU cheered up quickly.
Derpzilla was quickly defeated by his mastery of fired chicken,
Dash: “Scootaloo, I’m sorry, but we’re letting you go.”
and with Pinkie still being the Sun,
Fallen: Which is now part of Flutterfireshark, isn’t it? If you’re going to use continuity, at least use it with this thing you’re creating!
there was only one pony that could fight him...Doctor Whooves! Whooves cupcaked Turtle upside the head,
Fallen: Again. HOW?
Pinkie: Very carefully!
while destroying Africa in one fell derp.
Fallen: Meh. We didn’t need Africa, did we?
Pinkie: PRIMEY!
Fallen: I refuse to answer to that name, so don’t even start.
Video game cartridges rained down,
Fallen: When was this, and why wasn’t I there?
Dash: Hate to break it to ya, but you don’t live in Ponyville.
Fallen: And where does it say that the rain HAPPENED in Ponyville?
Dash: ...point.
impeding the blood of the universe, causing a rip in time and hammerpants.
Pinkie: And everypony knows that when you rip hammerpants, confetti volcanoes happen!
Fallen: B-
Dash: Don’t even.
Applejack, who just finished selling her 10,000,000,000,000th pancake,
Fallen: Why does she even bother with apples if she can sell that many pancakes?
Pinkie: Because then her name would be Flapjack!
Fallen and Dash: (facepalm/hoof)
severely fanfic'd everyone in Celestia,
Fallen: Kinky.
Dash: And what’s THAT supposed to mean?
Fallen: You’ve thrown enough clopfics at others to know EXACTLY what that’s supposed to mean.
shipping everypony with everypony else, except for Trixie who was only shipped with a tree.
Fallen: Looks like someone’s a fan of “Kindness’s Reward.”
Said tree was shipped with everypony else, too, even Derpy Whooves, the amalgamation of Derpy and the Doctor that exists in another dimension where hamsters rule.
Dash: Lame. Why couldn’t Derpy Whooves have come from a cooler dimension?
The reason Applejack knows about that hamster dimension would make for a much more interesting fanfic then this one,
Fallen: No, no, this is definitely interesting. Not for all the right reasons, but... interesting.
which just made Rarity explode(*BOOM*) for no reason.
Fallen: Unless she said “blah,” I don’t buy-(head explodes)
Dash: WHOA! Fallen, are you alright!?
Pinkie: He’ll be fine.
Noticing this fic has no dialogue yet,
Fallen: Yes it does. The last two chapters have had plenty.
Pinkie: See? Fine and dandy!
Dash: Wow. That was undeniably epic! How’d you do that?
Fallen: With strange, unknowable instruments...
Spike screamed "THIS. IS. PHILLYDELPHIA!"
Dash: (kicks Fallen in the gut)
Fallen: AH! OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?
Dash: You know why.
and used his soda-legs to poison the princesses in a fit of rage, making him the ruler of Equestria.
Then everyone spontaneously combusted.
Pinkie: HAPPY END! AGAIN!
Dash: Why does every chapter end with everypony dying?
Fallen: Don’t know, don’t care. But this seems to be the end of the chapter, so who’s up for a break?
Pinkie: Aw, but we’re not even close to halfway! Do we have to?
Fallen: For the sake of my sanity, yes.
Fallen: Not even a proper intro. We’re just starting it right up.
"Hmm." Twilight Sparkle said, "This...isn't water, it's acid.
Fallen: ...I’m lost already.
Dash: The feeling’s mutual.
Pinkie: I don’t know what you’re complaining about. It makes PERFECT sense!
All the background ponies were then disintegrated from the acid Trixie tears.
Pinkie: See? Acid Trixie tears! It all comes together!
Fallen: I’m... just going to take your word for it.
"I must find out where this is coming from!" Spike said, as he punched Pinkie Pie into the sun.
Dash: Spike’s got a mean uppercut.
Fallen: You’re not questioning the logic of him being able to do that in the first place?
Dash: Details. This is awesome, so I don’t question it.
Derpy Hooves
Fallen: Who’s apparently immune to background-pony-killing acid.
yelled, "NO! SHE WAS MY COUSIN! THIS HAS NO PARDON!" and turned into Derpzilla,
Fallen: King of the muffins!
Dash: Wouldn’t it be QUEEN?
Fallen: No, it’s- see, becau- no, I’m not explaining myself to you.
who derped up the moon, which was now made of LAZERS and 4CHAN,
Fallen: Well, now I know why it’s such a punishment to be sent up there.
(but it still counts as a moon) and threw it at Fluttershy, who turned into a shark from the impact.
Pinkie: If the moon didn’t have LAZERS, she would’ve turned into an ostrich.
"How does Rainbow Dash taste, Twilight?" Spike said, whipping around his tailsaw made of holy freakfire.
Dash: I want one-
Fallen: NO.
"Like some kid with wings." Twilight spit out two wings
Pinkie: The wings aren’t exactly edible. They work much better sewn onto a dress!
Fallen and Dash: (back slowly away from Pinkie)
as she lifted up Fluttershark and fired her at Applejack's new truck, the resulting icefire
Dash: Huh. Would an icefire be incredibly hot or incredibly cold?
Pinkie: Yep!
engulfing half of the Multiverse in a rainbow cupcake.
Fallen: I think you used the “Cupcakes” joke too soon, Pinkie.
Pinkie: What joke?
Fallen and Dash: (back up further)
Spike used his mailbreath to send the cupcake-verse to Lauren Faust, who rejected it
Dash: It needed to be about twen-
Fallen: Stop. That joke’s been done to death.
Dash: But I’ve only ever said it once!
and made a crossover of some sort.
Fallen: Gurren Lagann mixed with Indiana Jones. FOOLPROOF!
Pinkie: You sound just like Author right now!
Needless to say, it was amaz-"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!"
Dash: Did the story just roar at us!?
Fallen: See? You can’t ignore ALL the stupid.
Derpzilla smashed the corpse of the other multiverse half into the cupcake, smashing the multiverses together,
Pinkie: You got cupcake in my multiverse!
Dash: You got multiverse in my cupcake!
leading to the ponies being smothered by obsessed Bronies.
Fallen: Not that too many ponies were left after the acid Trixie rain...
"Twilight, you must ROCK THE FREAK OUT",
Dash: Aw yeah! With a command like that, this HAS to get awesome!
said Princess Celestia, summoning Zamboni. Applejack drove Zamboni over Canada, sinking it,
Fallen: But who’s going to miss Canada anyway?
Pinkie: That was really mean, Primey! Take it back!
Fallen: Why are you calling me-
Pinkie: TAKE IT BACK!!!
Fallen: Um... look, more story!
which revealed Fluttershark to be the second coming of Jesusatan,
Fallen: Eh. Santa Christ is better.
a creature worshipped by snowboard assassins and muffins.
Dash: Not snowboard assassin muffins, though. They’re really picky about that.
Steven Magnate fixed the multiverse with a twist of his amazing moustache,
Fallen: Okay, how do you understand this at all?
Pinkie: It’s simple! Since Rarity used her tail to fix his mustache, Steven Magnet gained some of the Element of Generosity’s power!
Fallen: Enough of it to fix the multiverse?
Pinkie: Duh! He just did, didn’t he?
with the one exception being there were Hipstamatic cameras raining over both Multiverseuniverses, which summoned a demonic iPod
Pinkie: The only song on it was an infinite loop of the parasprite polka!
that enslaved the ponies until Hasbro took hold of the entire story.
Fallen: They turned My Little Pony into a story about an alien invasion and released it to the masses that summer.
Dash: Would humans really do something that crazy?
Fallen: You really haven’t seen half of our recent movies, have you?
"Want to come over for a tea party, Rainbow?" said Pinkie.
Pinkie: Hey, I’m back from the sun!
Dash: And I’m back from... Twilight’s stomach.
"Of course, my great friend!"
Then everything exploded.
Pinkie: HAPPY END!
Fallen: ...what? No, really, what?
Pinkie: Don’t you get it? You HAVE to get it! Come on, I’ll give you one guess as to what the exploding means!
Fallen: ...the story got taken over by Michael Bay?
Pinkie: Close, but no. And since you lost that game, you have to keep reading!
Fallen: I never assumed you’d have let me out even if I was right. But wait, there’s MORE?
Dash: Four more chapters.
Fallen: Dammit!
Trixie flew(somehow...)
Dash: I could believe everything else in the story, but TRIXIE FLYING? That’s completely nuts!
across Equestria, as she looked down upon the detestable little ponies in the city.
Fallen: “This city is afraid of the Great and Powerful Trixie. She has seen its true face.”
How unbecomingly of them, just walking around like they were actually true masters.
Pinkie: They hadn’t even beaten the fourth gym yet!
Fallen: Nice one.
"I am not going to tolerate that! OBJECTION!"
Fallen: Overruled. Shut up.
But they did not believe in her.
Dash: What’s that supposed to mean? I mean, yeah, she’s just some hotheaded unicorn who thinks she’s better than me and everypony else, but she’s REAL.
Fallen: Maybe her power comes from the number of adoring fans she has.
Furious, she set her own hair on fire, and shot everyone using a pistol made of pie
Fallen: Wait, is THAT what happened to my pie pistol?
Dash: ...you have a pie pistol?
Fallen: I have a lot of things in here.
as wereponies cried, which summoned Fluttershark.
Fallen: How does that make sense?
Pinkie: Wereponies can summon silly mash-up creatures with their voices! Everypony knows that!
Dash: I didn’t...
"Flutter, why are you eating us?" asked Derpy,
Dash: “Because the story is making me.”
just as her bowels began to shine, allowing her to transform into Derpzilla.
Fallen: I’m not going to ask how that made her transform, and I’ll instead ask how glowing bowels would even be visible.
Spike's arm began to melt, and suddenly his legs were made of root beer.
Fallen and Pinkie: WANT!
Joining the fight, the three conquered all of the multiverse.
Dash: Must’ve had a truce somewhere down the line.
Rainbow vomited poop ladybugs,
Fallen: Ew. How do you even DO that?
Pinkie: With effort! And probably a lot of pain.
as she ripped the world in half,
Pinkie: HAPPY END!
Fallen: I’m glad you know enough to make that reference, but do you have to scream it every time-
Pinkie: Yep!
so that it would be easier to kill. Suddenly, she realized she was raping the universe.
Dash: WHAT!?
"Not again!" she shouted,
Dash: WHAT!?
Pinkie: (between laughs) I love your reactions, Dashie!
as Trixie fought her to the death.
"I won't lose!"
"Why not?"
Fallen: Who’s talking?
Pinkie: Dashie and Trixie, silly!
Fallen: Yeah, but in what order?
Pinkie: You’ll understand when you’re older.
"Because I promised!"
"What did you promise?"
Dash: “To not be in this story!”
Fallen: And what a fine job you’re doing of that.
Dash: Shut up!
"To be a pony!"
Trixie withdrew her hat from another dimension and reminded herself to kill herself later,
Dash: Those actions had EVERYTHING to do with each other.
Pinkie: See? NOW you’re getting it!
Fallen: Pinkie, she was being sarcastic.
Pinkie: You’re just jealous ‘cuz she figured it out before you did.
Fallen: Yes, that MUST be it.
as she summoned a meteor to kill all of Equestria,
Dash: How long’s THAT genocide gonna last?
Fallen: The respawn timers on this thing are implausibly quick.
leaving only her, Rainbow, and the snowboard assassins from Mercury, who now rule the universe.
Dash: I dunno why they survived, but hey, I can share.
Pinkie Pie woke up and destroyed all of Dallas, as the sun can do anything she freaking wants.
Pinkie: Yay, I still have super sun powers!
Fallen: What do you mean “still?” And I thought Hasbro retconned you out of the sun.
Pinkie: Yeah, but then everything exploded, remember?
Fallen: But- that doesn’t- how the-
Dash: Fallen, just give up.
That is, until it gets eaten by Fluttershark. Flutterfireshark
Fallen: Because eating the sun means instant promotion.
started spitting acid fireballs made out of lightsabers and Stephen Magnate moustache fragments
Fallen: How does that work at all?
Pinkie: Think about it. What else could you make fireballs out of that wouldn’t just be totally silly?
Fallen: Fire.
Dash: Just shut up and bask in the awesomeness.
at the world, restoring it. Trixie said, "I need to boost the wordcount of this fic!",
Fallen: ...huh. Now that I think about it, these chapters seem extraordinarily short.
Dash: They are. For now.
while eating a television. Flutterfireshark, who was now a pegashark made of fire,
Pinkie: The best kind of pegashark!
froze over Muffin Hell while derping.
Then everyone died.
Pinkie: Aw. That’s not a good prize!
Dash: As much as I know I’m gonna regret asking... a prize for what?
Pinkie: The game! I thought you were paying attention!
Fallen: Shit. You just made me lose The Game.
Dash: CRAP! I’ll have to get you back for that. AND for earlier, when you said you liked Pinkie Pie more than me.
Fallen: You’re still on that?
Pinkie: Stop it, guys! You’ll miss the next chapter!
Dash: Wait, this one’s over already?
Flutterfireshark was eating the head of a goffik pony named Ebony Raven
Fallen: That’s it. Flutterfireshark is best pony.
Pinkie: But... but... (whimpering as her hair starts deflating)
Fallen: Oh god. Shh, no, don’t cry! I didn’t mean it!
when she was attacked by ...!
... was quickly set on fire,
Dash: Well. THAT happened.
Fallen: Whatever THAT actually was.
revealing him to be Turtle Buu Jackcolt,
Fallen: Suddenly I understand nothing.
who then proceeded to tack Ponyville.
Pinkie: I hope everypony’s being careful where they step!
Dash: Well, YOU cheered up quickly.
Derpzilla was quickly defeated by his mastery of fired chicken,
Dash: “Scootaloo, I’m sorry, but we’re letting you go.”
and with Pinkie still being the Sun,
Fallen: Which is now part of Flutterfireshark, isn’t it? If you’re going to use continuity, at least use it with this thing you’re creating!
there was only one pony that could fight him...Doctor Whooves! Whooves cupcaked Turtle upside the head,
Fallen: Again. HOW?
Pinkie: Very carefully!
while destroying Africa in one fell derp.
Fallen: Meh. We didn’t need Africa, did we?
Pinkie: PRIMEY!
Fallen: I refuse to answer to that name, so don’t even start.
Video game cartridges rained down,
Fallen: When was this, and why wasn’t I there?
Dash: Hate to break it to ya, but you don’t live in Ponyville.
Fallen: And where does it say that the rain HAPPENED in Ponyville?
Dash: ...point.
impeding the blood of the universe, causing a rip in time and hammerpants.
Pinkie: And everypony knows that when you rip hammerpants, confetti volcanoes happen!
Fallen: B-
Dash: Don’t even.
Applejack, who just finished selling her 10,000,000,000,000th pancake,
Fallen: Why does she even bother with apples if she can sell that many pancakes?
Pinkie: Because then her name would be Flapjack!
Fallen and Dash: (facepalm/hoof)
severely fanfic'd everyone in Celestia,
Fallen: Kinky.
Dash: And what’s THAT supposed to mean?
Fallen: You’ve thrown enough clopfics at others to know EXACTLY what that’s supposed to mean.
shipping everypony with everypony else, except for Trixie who was only shipped with a tree.
Fallen: Looks like someone’s a fan of “Kindness’s Reward.”
Said tree was shipped with everypony else, too, even Derpy Whooves, the amalgamation of Derpy and the Doctor that exists in another dimension where hamsters rule.
Dash: Lame. Why couldn’t Derpy Whooves have come from a cooler dimension?
The reason Applejack knows about that hamster dimension would make for a much more interesting fanfic then this one,
Fallen: No, no, this is definitely interesting. Not for all the right reasons, but... interesting.
which just made Rarity explode(*BOOM*) for no reason.
Fallen: Unless she said “blah,” I don’t buy-(head explodes)
Dash: WHOA! Fallen, are you alright!?
Pinkie: He’ll be fine.
Noticing this fic has no dialogue yet,
Fallen: Yes it does. The last two chapters have had plenty.
Pinkie: See? Fine and dandy!
Dash: Wow. That was undeniably epic! How’d you do that?
Fallen: With strange, unknowable instruments...
Spike screamed "THIS. IS. PHILLYDELPHIA!"
Dash: (kicks Fallen in the gut)
Fallen: AH! OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?
Dash: You know why.
and used his soda-legs to poison the princesses in a fit of rage, making him the ruler of Equestria.
Then everyone spontaneously combusted.
Pinkie: HAPPY END! AGAIN!
Dash: Why does every chapter end with everypony dying?
Fallen: Don’t know, don’t care. But this seems to be the end of the chapter, so who’s up for a break?
Pinkie: Aw, but we’re not even close to halfway! Do we have to?
Fallen: For the sake of my sanity, yes.
Fallen: Okay. So. This story. How are we holding up?
Dash: I have no idea what I’m reading.
Fallen: Good answer. But when you were talking to me before we started, the way you played it up implied you knew what you were getting into.
Dash: Nope. I was running as blind as you were. I was just playing along with Pinkie when we first got here.
Fallen: Should’ve guessed. Wait, where is she? We’ve spent this much time talking to each other without interruption, and I’m starting to get suspicious.
Dash: I wouldn’t worry. The MST thing’s usually prank enough for her, so I wouldn’t worry about invisible ink and joy buzzers.
Fallen: That doesn’t answer my question at all. Where did she-
(Pinkie returns, dressed in what looks to be a paper replica of Celestia’s sun cutie mark.)
Pinkie: I’m back, everypony! What’d I miss?
Dash: (confused glance to Fallen) Are you gonna ask, or should I?
Fallen: Let me. (turns to Pinkie) Um... say, Pinkie Pie... Rainbow Dash and I were just wondering what the HELL YOU’RE WEARING RIGHT NOW.
Pinkie: What? Oh, this! Turns out I’m the sun now!
Fallen: Oh god, we’re really doing this.
Pinkie: Doing what?
Fallen: The bit where one of the hosts goes mildly crazy, dresses up and pretends to be something from the movie/story they’re making fun of.
Pinkie: You mean they really do that?
Fallen: Yes! Crow did it all the time on Mystery Science Theater 3000, actually. Especially in the later years.
Pinkie: Really? Aw, I thought I was being original!
Dash: In your defense, Pinkie, that’s a pretty good sun costume.
Pinkie: Thanks, Dashie! Hey Primey, you should really hang this up somewhere! That way you can remember all the fun times we had together!
Dash: Where would he put it, though?
Fallen: Rainbow has a point. My walls are kind of overstocked right now.
Pinkie: What about here? All you’d have to do is move all these rusty sawblades-
Fallen: STAY AWAY FROM THE RUSTY SAWBLADES. I need those for when someone REALLY pisses me off, so I can violently castrate them.
(Dash and Pinkie stare at him in complete shock and revulsion.)
Fallen: Oh, what? You’ve never had that deep a hatred for anypony? That’s the whole reason I even own all these weapons.
Dash: ...no, I’ve never felt like doing that. Are these actual ponies, or more story characters?
Fallen: Story characters. I’m not new to this, you know; I can point you over to some fics that’ll REALLY make your blood boil. In fact, there’s this one that takes place in a sch-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Dash: I have no idea what I’m reading.
Fallen: Good answer. But when you were talking to me before we started, the way you played it up implied you knew what you were getting into.
Dash: Nope. I was running as blind as you were. I was just playing along with Pinkie when we first got here.
Fallen: Should’ve guessed. Wait, where is she? We’ve spent this much time talking to each other without interruption, and I’m starting to get suspicious.
Dash: I wouldn’t worry. The MST thing’s usually prank enough for her, so I wouldn’t worry about invisible ink and joy buzzers.
Fallen: That doesn’t answer my question at all. Where did she-
(Pinkie returns, dressed in what looks to be a paper replica of Celestia’s sun cutie mark.)
Pinkie: I’m back, everypony! What’d I miss?
Dash: (confused glance to Fallen) Are you gonna ask, or should I?
Fallen: Let me. (turns to Pinkie) Um... say, Pinkie Pie... Rainbow Dash and I were just wondering what the HELL YOU’RE WEARING RIGHT NOW.
Pinkie: What? Oh, this! Turns out I’m the sun now!
Fallen: Oh god, we’re really doing this.
Pinkie: Doing what?
Fallen: The bit where one of the hosts goes mildly crazy, dresses up and pretends to be something from the movie/story they’re making fun of.
Pinkie: You mean they really do that?
Fallen: Yes! Crow did it all the time on Mystery Science Theater 3000, actually. Especially in the later years.
Pinkie: Really? Aw, I thought I was being original!
Dash: In your defense, Pinkie, that’s a pretty good sun costume.
Pinkie: Thanks, Dashie! Hey Primey, you should really hang this up somewhere! That way you can remember all the fun times we had together!
Dash: Where would he put it, though?
Fallen: Rainbow has a point. My walls are kind of overstocked right now.
Pinkie: What about here? All you’d have to do is move all these rusty sawblades-
Fallen: STAY AWAY FROM THE RUSTY SAWBLADES. I need those for when someone REALLY pisses me off, so I can violently castrate them.
(Dash and Pinkie stare at him in complete shock and revulsion.)
Fallen: Oh, what? You’ve never had that deep a hatred for anypony? That’s the whole reason I even own all these weapons.
Dash: ...no, I’ve never felt like doing that. Are these actual ponies, or more story characters?
Fallen: Story characters. I’m not new to this, you know; I can point you over to some fics that’ll REALLY make your blood boil. In fact, there’s this one that takes place in a sch-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
"Now, Spike."
Spike knelt before his mistress.
Dash: AHA! I always knew that’s what they did when they were alone in the library!
Fallen: I was thinking the same thing.
Twilight withdrew her horn, Freakslayer,
Pinkie: Twilight named her horn?
Dash: Whoa, you questioned the story!?
from a dimension where all screamed for naught.
Fallen: I have no mouth, and I must scream.
Pinkie: What are you talking about? Your mouth’s right there! I can see it!
Fallen: You make Demented Cartoon Movie references, but you’ve never heard of THIS. Wow.
Twilight swung her horn at Flutterfireshark in an attempt to save Pinkiie Pie.
Fallen: The part of Pinkie Pie will now be played by Sollux Captor.
Pinkie: thii2 ii2 2iilly.
Fallen: HOW DID-
This moderately worked. Flutterfireshark now has the power of ice, making her Fluttericefireshark.
Fallen: Flutter side: freezing. Shark side: burning. Center: pleasantly warm.
Pinkie emerged unscathed from the new abomination, and offered Twilight a cupcake. Twilight took the cupcake.
"This cupcake tastes.." was all she managed to get out before the drugs kicked in.
Pinkie: Now why would I feed one of my friends a drugged cupcake?
Dash: You HAVE to know the answer to that one. Remember? First fic we ever-
Fallen: Stop bickering and keep reading.
Twilight woke up chained to a wall with chains too strong to be removed with her magic.
Dash: Must be some insanely strong chains.
Pinkie, in her "Psycho Pie" outfit,
Pinkie: Ooh, I like that! Maybe “Pinkamena” isn’t the right name...
started slowly walking towards her. The TARDIS popped up in between the two,
Fallen: Looks like the Doctor saves the day yet again.
and opened to reveal John Madden dressed up as Micheal Bolton dressed up as Tony Montana,
Fallen: Or... not?
who then gunned down Pinkie while singing something about pirates
Pinkie: I’d be madder, but pirates make everything better!
Dash: And yet you dressed as a chicken on Nightmare Night and left Pipsqueak to be the pirate.
as he turned into Cthulu, who then fought Doctor Whooves, Derpzilla, Turtle Buu Jackcolt, Trixie, Sodalegs Spike, and Fluttericefireshark for the RETARDIS.
Dash: Wonder what THAT’S an acronym for.
Fallen: “Really Epic Time and Relative Dimensions in Space?”
Twilight felt a strong magic free her from her chains.
Fallen: It couldn’t have been her own, because when it comes to magic, Twilight’s a pushover.
It was Celestia, entombed in her cursed deodorant armor,
Pinkie: It was her cruel fate to smell nice forever!
helping Twilight from her Sunbase which wasn't on the sun.
Dash: Ironically, it was on the moon.
Twilight channeled her rage through Freakslayer. The angel blood boiled
Fallen: Which meant it was time to dump in the pasta and stir periodically.
as she summoned the great Fluttericefireshark,
Fallen: Wait. What happened to crying wereponies summoning her?
Pinkie: No, that was Fluttershark. This is Fluttericefireshark! Haven’t you been paying attention?
swathed with the cutie marks of the tiny freaklings from Ponyville, leapt onto it, and flew into space.
Dash: Like a boss?
She encased the creature in a wreath of holy freakfire, making every flank in the galaxy explode, and inside every flank a bunny danced the Macarena.
Fallen: ...YEP! Of course. Bunnies dancing the Macarena. I was a fool to expect anything else.
Twilight then flew Fluttericefreakfireshark through space,
Dash: Would she even be able to breathe in space?
Fallen: “Pfft. Screw oxygen!”
punching astral griffons in thirds with her tail
Fallen: Is it really punching if it’s her tail?
and throwing their golden claws into the RETARDIS, turning Psycho Pie into a zombie
Fallen: No, Psycho Pie. You are the demons.
who then proceeded to terrorize the Cafeteria of JUSTICE-FLAVORED SOCKS!
Pinkie: What does justice taste like?
Fallen: Who would eat a sock to find out!?
Scootaloo then went to sleep.
Dash: That’s kind of anticlimactic.
Fallen: If by anticlimactic you mean completely irrelevant, absolutely.
But, her dreams were infected by paracrabs, which has the effect of making her dreams a full-on acid trip.
Pinkie: It was that or all the LSD she took before bed.
Let's take a journey into the dreamscape now...
Pinkie: GUEST SEGMENTS!
Fallen: Goddammit, MORE people contributed to this?
Pinkie Pie ate a cupcake and burped bagpipes,
Dash: ...is this something you do a lot?
Pinkie: All the time! (burps a bagpipe) Why do you ask?
then suddenly Applebloom came out of the bagpipes, ate Pinkie Pie and turned into a radiator.
Dash: Uh... why?
Fallen: Because of the reason.
Pinkie: Hey, you’re learning!
The radiator exploded into OVER 9000 coat hangers, which then fell down on Equestria.
Fallen: At least now they can defend themselves from crappy animated GIF birds.
Fluttericefreakfireshark ate a Turtwig, giving her the power of Solar Beam. [1]
Fallen: Now I just have this fun mental image of Tank using Solar Beam.
Applejack looked around her. There was nothing to see.
Pinkie: “This sightseein’ tour was a waste of mah money!”
"You have your eyes closed again." Twilight warned.
Dash: You’d think somepony would notice if their own eyes were closed.
"Oh!" Applejack exclaimed, opening her eyes just in time to see Spike swallow the sun whole,
Fallen: Either Spike grew, or the sun shrank. Hell, in order for that to work, it’d have to be a bit of both.
revealing a second moon that was hiding behind it.
Fallen: Without the light of the sun, one looked green and the other looked pink.
Spike started choking. No one helped.
Dash: Ponyville is such a caring community.
A pirate pony appeared, yawned, and the disappered, making their appearance rather pointless.
Fallen: Because god forbid there be something pointless in this story.
yodelled at no one in particular,
Dash: Wait, WHO yodeled?
Pinkie: It says that did! FOCUS, Dashie!
from a falling star.
Spike paused from his choking to sneeze, but carried on again afterward. No one helped. [2]
Pinkie: I think they were distracted by the yodeling.
Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarbeamshark
Dash: Yeah, now this is getting a bit crazy.
Fallen: Only NOW?
stared across the frozen tundra, watching a giant frozen banana, with a mouth, devour Rainbow Dash. Instead of blood, rainbows poured out (yes, rainbows).
Pinkie: (gasps) Dashie, you bleed rainbows!? Can I see? PLEASE?
Dash: Wha- NO!!
Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle fell from the sky,
Fallen: Plausible.
Dash: ...have you lost it?
Fallen: No, this actually makes sense. Of COURSE she fell suddenly; why would there be any warning for that?
Dash: Good point. Or... something.
and shouted to no one: "He's coming! HE'S COMING!"
Fallen: Ponified Paul Revere, apparently.
Her hooves were in the air, and just stared at the giant banana,
Pinkie: The fall put eyes on her hooves!
who had moved onto eating a city now. Twilight Sparkle, seeing that no one cared, walked away.
Dash: I don’t remember any of my friends giving up that easily at warning ponies about something just because they didn’t care.
Pinkie: But that’s the beauty of it all!
Fallen: You’re both on impossibly different wavelengths.
Twilight Sparkle walked to the city, while it was still being eaten.
Fallen: With zero regard for her own safety.
Dash: Please. Twilight can take a giant banana, easy!
She spoke to all ponies, and made a speech.
Dash: Okay, now THAT sounds like something Twilight would do.
"He's coming! He's coming!" was basically all she said, not caring they were being eaten by a giant banana.
Fallen: Did the townsponies not care, or did Twilight not care?
Pinkie: Of course!
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a new pony appeared.
Fallen: At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Jesus.
Glowing, sparkling, he descended upon the sinners. It was Jesus Pony,
Fallen: …..........................................................
Pinkie: Wow, Primey, I think you’re psychic!
and he said calmly: "And thy shall all melt due to my awesomeness."
Dash: I can’t wait ‘til the day I do that to somepony.
Fallen: I wouldn’t be too hopeful unless they can find a non-lethal way to melt.
And they did. While hiccuping to death. And choking. While being eaten by a giant hippo. While said hippo was being eaten by a giant banana. [3]
Dash: If there’s such a thing as overkill... that’s WAY overkill.
Spike wented int a forest,
Fallen: Alright, who the fuck wrote this one? It’s “the spiderses” all over again!
Dash: Wait, you’ve read-
Fallen: I’ve read a LOT. I told you, I’m not new at this.
then he heard some of teh growlz coming from the forest,
Dash: Oh, that just means it’s hungry.
he looked a round
Pinkie: HEY! Fat jokes aren’t nice, story!
and finded the death bodies of Rarity
Fallen: She learned how to clone herself, but all the clones died.
Dash: Or were made of death.
being eated by Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezebeamshark.
Pinkie: Cannibalism! Wait, would that count as cannibalism anymore?
Spike screamed and suddenly a flashback happend.
Fallen: Isn’t it annoying when your screams create flashbacks?
Pinkie: That happens to you too? I thought I was the only one!
Fallen: ...huh.
Psycho Pie stabed Rarity five hundred and seven time.
Dash: She escaped and was back at Sugarcube Corner by five hundred and twelve time.
SPike knew this and decided his revenge he exploded into SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! and kicked in the nuts even thought shes a girl. .
Fallen: KICK HER IN THE BALLS!
Then he threw to the ground and screamed so loud it turned her main yellow.
Dash: I- wait- how-
Fallen: Help, there’s something in this story that doesn’t make sense!
"Not so fast SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!" Psycho Pie screamed in space
Pinkie: What was it you said before, Primey?
Fallen: Um... screw oxygen?
Pinkie: Yeah, that! Exactly!
as she cut SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!'s head with a chainsaw.
Fallen: Groovy.
SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! laughed as his head grew back twice
Dash: So now he’s SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLHYDRASPIKE!
and he punted both Psycho Pie and into space.
Pinkie: Just in case you forgot was in the story.
His heads laughed and became excited that they could now talk to eachother.
Pinkie: He’ll never be lonely again!
They got in a fight tore eachother apart,
Fallen: So much for THAT theory.
leading to both heads growing back twice, and in a form of mitosis split into four SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s
Dash: Is that how it works?
Fallen: In this story? No, but it works somehow anyway.
who went on to terrorize Celestia with HOLY CRAP lazahs and fire balss of doom.
Dash: Is there really any better way to terrorize somepony?
Suddenly Derpzilla arrive and chanlenged all 4 SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s to a duel.
Fallen: “Duel” implies only two people. Or children’s card games.
It destroys at least half of ponyville,
Dash: Wait, did the tense just shift?
Pinkie: Nope! It’s been in fourth person the whole time!
including the library. Serves the damn books right with all there big words.
Pinkie: That’s not nice! They can’t help it if they’re wordy!
The fight went on for twenty seven years.
Fallen: When a war lasts more than two and a half decades, you’ve fucked up BIG TIME.
On the twenty seventh day of the twenty seventh year, Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezebeamshark came back to Celestia as Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezeplasma-beamshark
Fallen: Someone’s cheating, because there’s no way in hell Fluttershy should be able to evolve this many times.
with Psycho Pie, who's tail was tied to a space stick.
Dash: I want one-
Fallen: NO. And stop asking.
Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeeze-beamshark dove at the the 4 SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s and Derpzilla Waving arround her Psycho Pie Flail,
Dash: I... holy...
Fallen: Um... what’s wrong with her?
Pinkie: My guess? The awesomeness broke her!
who was laughing evilly the entire time.
Pinkie: Being a flail is so much fun!
Fallen: I can’t imagine it would be.
Pinkie: Well, YOU haven’t tried it.
There was an explosion that destroyed the end of this the letter.
Fallen: Not that that had anything to do with this the story.
Psycho Pie ended up the only one who wsn't hurt, s her nme doesn't hve the letter.
Pinkie: Is something missing there? I didn’t notice.
Fllen: Yeh, the letter. Wit, wht’s hppening here!?
Fluttericefrekfirestr-solrfreeezeplsm-bemshrk ws wekend nd SUPERMEGDESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! ws turned bck into just plin Spike. Spike yelled s mny swers s he knew, which somehow restored the letter A.
Fallen: Oh thank god. That would’ve gotten so annoying so fast.
Then Candlejack appeared and everyth [4]
Fallen: I never got the appeal of this guy.
Dash: ...okay, I think I’m over the epicness of that one scene. What’d I miss?
Fallen: Nothing of consequence to the rest of the story.
Fluttericefreakfireshark tore the dreamscape open, making those dreams reality.
Pinkie: And now the story’s back to the original author.
Dash: Wait, so now everything that happened is canon in the story!?
Fluttericedreamfreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeeze-beamshark then ate Psycho Pie and Luna,
Fallen: No reason for it, really. She was just hungry.
making her Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall,
Dash: It’s official. We’re all doomed.
who's name (probably) won't get any longer this chapter,
Pinkie: Awwww!
but will be repeated quite a few times in order to annoy the readers.
Fallen: DAMMIT!
Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall
Fallen: Oh god, the name takes up a whole row of text!*
shot Fizzball cans into Celestia's heart, making her explode into The Fanfic Itself.
Dash: Are... are we reading Princess Celestia?
The Fanfic Itself then died, and the resulting sauce made the greatest tacos in all of Generation 27.
Fallen: Meh. Transformers fell apart after Generation 2, let alone 27.
Stephen Magnate, with all of his awesomeness,
Dash: However much THAT is.
tried to revive The Fanfic Itself and turn it into a classy, well-written, and artistic story.
Pinkie: But it already IS!
Dash: Pinkie, just... no.
We can't have that, can we? The invisible Atuhor's Nose flicked him into space.
Fallen: Gordon Freechmen was studying in his was studying laboratoried...
Yes, , because this fic hasn't had enough references yet.
Fallen: I’m just waiting for Nyancat and Scrubs.
Seeing a certain spherical object while in space,
Dash: That could mean a LOT of objects.
Trixie said "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I MUST STOP THIS MADNESS!" and exploded.
Fallen: How would exploding stop anything?
Pinkie: Probably REALLY loudly.
Her hat landed on Stephen, which made him team up with Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall
Pinkie: Here’s the thrilling part where we learn the hat’s true allegiance!
Dash: I CAN’T be the only one thinking she’s reading too much into this.
Fallen: I find it concerning that she’s even found anything to read into.
to destroy Derpzilla, who was STILL fighting for the RETARDIS. But, they weren't fast enough.
Fallen: “We was... too late.”
Cthulu, Turtle, Derpzilla, and Sodalegs Spike merged into Soderpthulubuu.
Dash: Try saying THAT ten times fast.
Pinkie: Soderpthulubuu, Soderpthulubuu, Soderp-
Dash: That wasn’t a challenge!
Happily, the author isn't annoying enough to keep adding words to THAT name.
Pinkie: Aw, come on, R1NGmasterJ5! Add more!
Fallen: Wait, Ring wrote-
So, he just added them to Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall.
Fallen: I actually think I may want to see Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall’s rise to power. It’d be more coherent than- oh, who am I kidding, it’d probably be even worse.
PrincessFlutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall, who will TRULY stop getting new names in this chapter, but will in future chapters to be released sometime next month,
Dash: I’m pretty sure there’s more than one month between July 2011 and now. And I don’t see it.
Pinkie: Maybe he meant the guest submissi-
Dash: Shush.
turned Autocorrect on.
Fallen: GODDAMMIT.
Then, Doctor Whooves got his RETARDIS back, and getting tired of the long name being repeated over and over again,
Fallen: I sympathize with this character more than any other in the story.
sent Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall into a time machine,
Dash: then cranked it up to 88 miles per hour.
Fallen: We’re gonna see some serious shit.
setting her back to Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark,
Fallen: Which is STILL unholy in its length.
and removing her from the rest of this chapter.
Pinkie: And that’s the end of the huge battle. Was it worth it?
Dash: ...there was a BATTLE in here?
Soderpthulubuu started smashing multiple fanfics into this one, letting Rainbow Sparkle take over the story.
Fallen: Oh, this’ll end well.
"Hai guys! It wiz a feet day in ponivle web i an ed wit jam and got pregna cuz o a prosy. or e et yon al Abu it..."
Pinkie: I think we have the next... who’s that big famous human writer? Oh yeah, Shakespeare!
Fallen: This is less Shakespeare and more “My Immortal.”
The Fanfic Itself rose from the graze
Fallen: And hello, flashbacks to other stories...
and Cupcakes'd Rainbow Sparkle. while collecting everypony in a potato cleaner and making them dance to the death.
Dash: It went down as one of the most violent dance-offs in the history of fanfiction.
Meanwhile, Psycho Pie and Luna were fighting to the death in a nearby solar system,
Fallen: at which point the hyper-evolved Fluttershark ate them. Again.
Pinkie: No, silly! But maybe it’ll happen in the sequel!
Luna using cupcake darts, Psycho Pie throwing planets.
Dash: I think Luna’s better armed.
Psycho Pie eventually threw Equestria itself at Luna, turning everypony's hooves into bagpipes.
Fallen: The sound made just by walking drove the entire population to insanity in an instant.
Twilight screamed "Luna, if you don't stop, we'll lubricate,
Fallen: Please don’t share.
and no one will be around to fanfic everyone in the multiverse if we get around to bringing everypony back to life after we Cupcakes'd them."
Pinkie: Sound argument. Luna, your reply?
"I am no longer Nightmare Moon."
Pinkie: She must be raking in all the awards for that performance!
Fallen: ...I give up on you.
The ancient pony dropped some of the darts she was throwing, which hit Rainbow Sparkle, reviving her, as the laws of everything are completely inverted for her.
Fallen: So if we get her medical treatment, she’ll be dead in an instant? PLEASE tell me I have a defibrillator in here somewhere...
"Ug dat flaming fangs isself Klee me. Anyway, Iz bac.
Dash: You said you’ve read “the spiderses,” right, Fallen?
Fallen: Yeah.
Dash: Missing it yet?
Fallen: SO much.
I hz jet Arlen wins firm a Ned poni wen Jak crammed and we al cuht on firs. Ex-lax in a cav and I that Jak ded.
Dash: I found “Ex-Lax in a cave.” Anyone have anything else?
Fallen: Some douche named Jak dying, maybe?
Nh he dust. I Pete STD Iz forge bat the prophet Banjul bit in fly didn't. Den Clod Poof tld uz a shy it and Jak Meier e on Ira.
Pinkie: (sniffle) This scene always moves me to tears...
I Ed so happy I sad "oh mi GONADS!" and marred Jackie. WTF?
Dash: Nothing else has been running through my mind but those three letters.
Dis AuroCorec is messing me destroy hop! Dis is anniversary! War elk cloy goo wot of?"
Fallen: I think I’m going to have to make use of a rusty sawblade if this doesn’t end soon.
Then, Shark-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Anymore-This-Chapter broke the fanfic's rules to eat Rainbow Sparkle, stopping the outstanding grammar fails.
Fallen: ...you win this round.
Luna flexed one of her wings, which was made of pie pistols,
Dash: Speaking of pie pistols... I think I know where yours went.
Fallen: Really? Where?
Pinkie: (loud burp) Um... sorry?
and flapped Ponyville in half.
Fallen: I have no idea how that works, and every attempt to imagine it gives me some disturbing mental images.
"And what of it? Is it a sin, should a pony feel like firing upon a sun or a thousand?
Dash: Uh, yeah, it probably is.
Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer's broken outnumber fragpoles?"
Dash: Is she sure she’s not Nightmare Moon?
Pinkie: Wow! And here I thought nopony else would pick up on the self-doubt existential-crisis subtext!
Yes, the fragpoles. Older than Celestia herself, the large electronic Arica were the last remnants of the "goo en" race. The author proceeded to turn off Autocorrect.
Fallen: In what possible way could “goo en” be suggested and substituted by AutoCorrect?
Twilight cast a glance at the moon.
Dash: Because glances are spells that can be cast now.
Unsavory pastas emanated from a particularly effeminate crater. It was hungry.
Pinkie: That bit was added so the crater wouldn’t just be one-dimensionally effeminate! And look at how well it worked!
She looked at a nearby comet. She thought about Big Mac.
Fallen: I think I’ll go with no.
Twilight's arm
Dash: You mean her foreleg?
Pinkie: No, the arm she grew in between sentences!
moved in a revolting motion, finally pointing at Luna.
"Luna is wearing designer liprings, and as such your argument is invalid!"
Fallen: Pinkie Pie’s very existence kind of makes all arguments invalid.
Pinkie: Awww, thank you!
The crowd gasped as The Fanfic Itself slammed the desk using Spike, the annoying maildragon, as a gavel,
Pinkie: It’s not as painful as it sounds.
who went through the desk until he arrived in hell.
Fallen: The only other option was to be sent to Malchior-7 to face down the reality-warping, fire-breathing mahogany trees.
Nobody cared about him, as The Fanfic Itself's mane was now made of fire.
Dash: Sounds like what Pinkie told me happened to Twilight after their run-in with a hydra. And I’m as willing to believe it here as I was when she told me about it.
The Fanfic Itself was interrupted by Trixie, who punched her while her theme song played. The crowd cheered.
Fallen: And there was much rejoicing.
All: (unenthusiastic cheering)
The Fanfic Itself began to bleed musicals.
Pinkie: …..............................what?
Fallen: Oh no. The story’s confusing Pinkie now.
Twilight and Trixie threw nitrogen at each other,
Fallen: ...okay.
mixed Flava Flav into it before it could enter the atmosphere,
Dash: Who or what is Flava Flav?
Fallen: If you have to ask, you don’t want to know.
and punched the freak out of the atmosphere because they didn't like it.
Pinkie: Why can’t they just get along with the atmosphere?
Sweetie Belle's head exploded.
Dash: What did that have to do with the rest of that paragraph?
Fallen: Nothing.
Dash: Is nothing... something?
Pinkie: It’s everything!
Dash: Whoa.
Twilight and Trixie headflanked each other(my god that sounds wrong),
All: Yes it does.
while going through the planet Nova Scotia because that was it's weakness
Fallen: What’s weakness? And why is Nova Scotia a planet?
and that weakness caused the time and the universe to explode 42 times.
Pinkie: HAPPY END X42 COMBO!
"Twilight, the Daleks kidnapped Luna!"
Fallen: “THE LUNAR PRINCESS WILL BE EXTERMINATED!”
"What are you saying, Spike? I don't care about people who have vowels in their names."
Dash: That’s a weird kind of self-hate.
Derpy Whooves then transcended universes to save Luna; the full story of which, again, would make a better fic than this crap.
Fallen: Then WRITE that fic.
"RAW!" Trixie screamed as she began to eat Twilight,
Pinkie: I think if she screamed “MEDIUM RARE!” it would’ve tasted better.
but it was actually Twilight's shadow because she had studied under the snowboard assassins,
Fallen: Now, I’d almost be willing to say that this exchange makes some sort of sense...
who were great celery masters.
Fallen: ...if it weren’t for the inclusion of this last bit of information.
Derpy Whooves came back to this universe with Luna, Shark-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Anymore-This-Chapter, and muffin crossbows,
Dash: The muffin crossbows are the deadliest things there.
as a ferris wheel of deformed pony corpses rolled through Ponyville.
Meanwhile, Octavia was playing the Their Large Brony: Rivalplane Isn't Machinery
Fallen: I can’t believe someone actually WROTE that.
theme remix by Japanheal Pony
Fallen: Too much wordplay!
on her Cello. Vinyl Scratch than mixed Octavia's track with one of Lyra's performances.
Pinkie: DJs and dubstep make everything better!
Fallen: I don’t know about EVERYTHING...
There was no point of that paragraph other that random wordplay.
Dash: Than’s what I thought.
A Gary-Stu then appeared in Ponyville.
Fallen: Razor Graze? Lance Greenfield? Joystick? Come on, this isn’t helpful.
He tried to hit on Applejack, who then bucked the Stu's teeth in. The Stu then exploded from not being perfect in every way.
Fallen: Well, that would’ve made a lot of stories a lot shorter.
Psycho Pie turned the remains into cupcakes, as justice tastes better than ponies. This brought everypony she killed back to life, starting a zombie apocalypse.
Dash: How original.
And then Ponyville was a zombie.
Fallen: No, Ponyville. You are the-
Dash: You did that joke already.
Fallen: Crap, I’m at the recycling-jokes stage already? We need another break.
Pinkie: But there’s only a few more chapt-
Fallen: BREAK! NOW!
Spike knelt before his mistress.
Dash: AHA! I always knew that’s what they did when they were alone in the library!
Fallen: I was thinking the same thing.
Twilight withdrew her horn, Freakslayer,
Pinkie: Twilight named her horn?
Dash: Whoa, you questioned the story!?
from a dimension where all screamed for naught.
Fallen: I have no mouth, and I must scream.
Pinkie: What are you talking about? Your mouth’s right there! I can see it!
Fallen: You make Demented Cartoon Movie references, but you’ve never heard of THIS. Wow.
Twilight swung her horn at Flutterfireshark in an attempt to save Pinkiie Pie.
Fallen: The part of Pinkie Pie will now be played by Sollux Captor.
Pinkie: thii2 ii2 2iilly.
Fallen: HOW DID-
This moderately worked. Flutterfireshark now has the power of ice, making her Fluttericefireshark.
Fallen: Flutter side: freezing. Shark side: burning. Center: pleasantly warm.
Pinkie emerged unscathed from the new abomination, and offered Twilight a cupcake. Twilight took the cupcake.
"This cupcake tastes.." was all she managed to get out before the drugs kicked in.
Pinkie: Now why would I feed one of my friends a drugged cupcake?
Dash: You HAVE to know the answer to that one. Remember? First fic we ever-
Fallen: Stop bickering and keep reading.
Twilight woke up chained to a wall with chains too strong to be removed with her magic.
Dash: Must be some insanely strong chains.
Pinkie, in her "Psycho Pie" outfit,
Pinkie: Ooh, I like that! Maybe “Pinkamena” isn’t the right name...
started slowly walking towards her. The TARDIS popped up in between the two,
Fallen: Looks like the Doctor saves the day yet again.
and opened to reveal John Madden dressed up as Micheal Bolton dressed up as Tony Montana,
Fallen: Or... not?
who then gunned down Pinkie while singing something about pirates
Pinkie: I’d be madder, but pirates make everything better!
Dash: And yet you dressed as a chicken on Nightmare Night and left Pipsqueak to be the pirate.
as he turned into Cthulu, who then fought Doctor Whooves, Derpzilla, Turtle Buu Jackcolt, Trixie, Sodalegs Spike, and Fluttericefireshark for the RETARDIS.
Dash: Wonder what THAT’S an acronym for.
Fallen: “Really Epic Time and Relative Dimensions in Space?”
Twilight felt a strong magic free her from her chains.
Fallen: It couldn’t have been her own, because when it comes to magic, Twilight’s a pushover.
It was Celestia, entombed in her cursed deodorant armor,
Pinkie: It was her cruel fate to smell nice forever!
helping Twilight from her Sunbase which wasn't on the sun.
Dash: Ironically, it was on the moon.
Twilight channeled her rage through Freakslayer. The angel blood boiled
Fallen: Which meant it was time to dump in the pasta and stir periodically.
as she summoned the great Fluttericefireshark,
Fallen: Wait. What happened to crying wereponies summoning her?
Pinkie: No, that was Fluttershark. This is Fluttericefireshark! Haven’t you been paying attention?
swathed with the cutie marks of the tiny freaklings from Ponyville, leapt onto it, and flew into space.
Dash: Like a boss?
She encased the creature in a wreath of holy freakfire, making every flank in the galaxy explode, and inside every flank a bunny danced the Macarena.
Fallen: ...YEP! Of course. Bunnies dancing the Macarena. I was a fool to expect anything else.
Twilight then flew Fluttericefreakfireshark through space,
Dash: Would she even be able to breathe in space?
Fallen: “Pfft. Screw oxygen!”
punching astral griffons in thirds with her tail
Fallen: Is it really punching if it’s her tail?
and throwing their golden claws into the RETARDIS, turning Psycho Pie into a zombie
Fallen: No, Psycho Pie. You are the demons.
who then proceeded to terrorize the Cafeteria of JUSTICE-FLAVORED SOCKS!
Pinkie: What does justice taste like?
Fallen: Who would eat a sock to find out!?
Scootaloo then went to sleep.
Dash: That’s kind of anticlimactic.
Fallen: If by anticlimactic you mean completely irrelevant, absolutely.
But, her dreams were infected by paracrabs, which has the effect of making her dreams a full-on acid trip.
Pinkie: It was that or all the LSD she took before bed.
Let's take a journey into the dreamscape now...
Pinkie: GUEST SEGMENTS!
Fallen: Goddammit, MORE people contributed to this?
Pinkie Pie ate a cupcake and burped bagpipes,
Dash: ...is this something you do a lot?
Pinkie: All the time! (burps a bagpipe) Why do you ask?
then suddenly Applebloom came out of the bagpipes, ate Pinkie Pie and turned into a radiator.
Dash: Uh... why?
Fallen: Because of the reason.
Pinkie: Hey, you’re learning!
The radiator exploded into OVER 9000 coat hangers, which then fell down on Equestria.
Fallen: At least now they can defend themselves from crappy animated GIF birds.
Fluttericefreakfireshark ate a Turtwig, giving her the power of Solar Beam. [1]
Fallen: Now I just have this fun mental image of Tank using Solar Beam.
Applejack looked around her. There was nothing to see.
Pinkie: “This sightseein’ tour was a waste of mah money!”
"You have your eyes closed again." Twilight warned.
Dash: You’d think somepony would notice if their own eyes were closed.
"Oh!" Applejack exclaimed, opening her eyes just in time to see Spike swallow the sun whole,
Fallen: Either Spike grew, or the sun shrank. Hell, in order for that to work, it’d have to be a bit of both.
revealing a second moon that was hiding behind it.
Fallen: Without the light of the sun, one looked green and the other looked pink.
Spike started choking. No one helped.
Dash: Ponyville is such a caring community.
A pirate pony appeared, yawned, and the disappered, making their appearance rather pointless.
Fallen: Because god forbid there be something pointless in this story.
yodelled at no one in particular,
Dash: Wait, WHO yodeled?
Pinkie: It says that did! FOCUS, Dashie!
from a falling star.
Spike paused from his choking to sneeze, but carried on again afterward. No one helped. [2]
Pinkie: I think they were distracted by the yodeling.
Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarbeamshark
Dash: Yeah, now this is getting a bit crazy.
Fallen: Only NOW?
stared across the frozen tundra, watching a giant frozen banana, with a mouth, devour Rainbow Dash. Instead of blood, rainbows poured out (yes, rainbows).
Pinkie: (gasps) Dashie, you bleed rainbows!? Can I see? PLEASE?
Dash: Wha- NO!!
Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle fell from the sky,
Fallen: Plausible.
Dash: ...have you lost it?
Fallen: No, this actually makes sense. Of COURSE she fell suddenly; why would there be any warning for that?
Dash: Good point. Or... something.
and shouted to no one: "He's coming! HE'S COMING!"
Fallen: Ponified Paul Revere, apparently.
Her hooves were in the air, and just stared at the giant banana,
Pinkie: The fall put eyes on her hooves!
who had moved onto eating a city now. Twilight Sparkle, seeing that no one cared, walked away.
Dash: I don’t remember any of my friends giving up that easily at warning ponies about something just because they didn’t care.
Pinkie: But that’s the beauty of it all!
Fallen: You’re both on impossibly different wavelengths.
Twilight Sparkle walked to the city, while it was still being eaten.
Fallen: With zero regard for her own safety.
Dash: Please. Twilight can take a giant banana, easy!
She spoke to all ponies, and made a speech.
Dash: Okay, now THAT sounds like something Twilight would do.
"He's coming! He's coming!" was basically all she said, not caring they were being eaten by a giant banana.
Fallen: Did the townsponies not care, or did Twilight not care?
Pinkie: Of course!
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a new pony appeared.
Fallen: At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Jesus.
Glowing, sparkling, he descended upon the sinners. It was Jesus Pony,
Fallen: …..........................................................
Pinkie: Wow, Primey, I think you’re psychic!
and he said calmly: "And thy shall all melt due to my awesomeness."
Dash: I can’t wait ‘til the day I do that to somepony.
Fallen: I wouldn’t be too hopeful unless they can find a non-lethal way to melt.
And they did. While hiccuping to death. And choking. While being eaten by a giant hippo. While said hippo was being eaten by a giant banana. [3]
Dash: If there’s such a thing as overkill... that’s WAY overkill.
Spike wented int a forest,
Fallen: Alright, who the fuck wrote this one? It’s “the spiderses” all over again!
Dash: Wait, you’ve read-
Fallen: I’ve read a LOT. I told you, I’m not new at this.
then he heard some of teh growlz coming from the forest,
Dash: Oh, that just means it’s hungry.
he looked a round
Pinkie: HEY! Fat jokes aren’t nice, story!
and finded the death bodies of Rarity
Fallen: She learned how to clone herself, but all the clones died.
Dash: Or were made of death.
being eated by Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezebeamshark.
Pinkie: Cannibalism! Wait, would that count as cannibalism anymore?
Spike screamed and suddenly a flashback happend.
Fallen: Isn’t it annoying when your screams create flashbacks?
Pinkie: That happens to you too? I thought I was the only one!
Fallen: ...huh.
Psycho Pie stabed Rarity five hundred and seven time.
Dash: She escaped and was back at Sugarcube Corner by five hundred and twelve time.
SPike knew this and decided his revenge he exploded into SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! and kicked in the nuts even thought shes a girl. .
Fallen: KICK HER IN THE BALLS!
Then he threw to the ground and screamed so loud it turned her main yellow.
Dash: I- wait- how-
Fallen: Help, there’s something in this story that doesn’t make sense!
"Not so fast SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!" Psycho Pie screamed in space
Pinkie: What was it you said before, Primey?
Fallen: Um... screw oxygen?
Pinkie: Yeah, that! Exactly!
as she cut SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!'s head with a chainsaw.
Fallen: Groovy.
SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! laughed as his head grew back twice
Dash: So now he’s SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLHYDRASPIKE!
and he punted both Psycho Pie and into space.
Pinkie: Just in case you forgot was in the story.
His heads laughed and became excited that they could now talk to eachother.
Pinkie: He’ll never be lonely again!
They got in a fight tore eachother apart,
Fallen: So much for THAT theory.
leading to both heads growing back twice, and in a form of mitosis split into four SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s
Dash: Is that how it works?
Fallen: In this story? No, but it works somehow anyway.
who went on to terrorize Celestia with HOLY CRAP lazahs and fire balss of doom.
Dash: Is there really any better way to terrorize somepony?
Suddenly Derpzilla arrive and chanlenged all 4 SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s to a duel.
Fallen: “Duel” implies only two people. Or children’s card games.
It destroys at least half of ponyville,
Dash: Wait, did the tense just shift?
Pinkie: Nope! It’s been in fourth person the whole time!
including the library. Serves the damn books right with all there big words.
Pinkie: That’s not nice! They can’t help it if they’re wordy!
The fight went on for twenty seven years.
Fallen: When a war lasts more than two and a half decades, you’ve fucked up BIG TIME.
On the twenty seventh day of the twenty seventh year, Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezebeamshark came back to Celestia as Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezeplasma-beamshark
Fallen: Someone’s cheating, because there’s no way in hell Fluttershy should be able to evolve this many times.
with Psycho Pie, who's tail was tied to a space stick.
Dash: I want one-
Fallen: NO. And stop asking.
Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeeze-beamshark dove at the the 4 SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s and Derpzilla Waving arround her Psycho Pie Flail,
Dash: I... holy...
Fallen: Um... what’s wrong with her?
Pinkie: My guess? The awesomeness broke her!
who was laughing evilly the entire time.
Pinkie: Being a flail is so much fun!
Fallen: I can’t imagine it would be.
Pinkie: Well, YOU haven’t tried it.
There was an explosion that destroyed the end of this the letter.
Fallen: Not that that had anything to do with this the story.
Psycho Pie ended up the only one who wsn't hurt, s her nme doesn't hve the letter.
Pinkie: Is something missing there? I didn’t notice.
Fllen: Yeh, the letter. Wit, wht’s hppening here!?
Fluttericefrekfirestr-solrfreeezeplsm-bemshrk ws wekend nd SUPERMEGDESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! ws turned bck into just plin Spike. Spike yelled s mny swers s he knew, which somehow restored the letter A.
Fallen: Oh thank god. That would’ve gotten so annoying so fast.
Then Candlejack appeared and everyth [4]
Fallen: I never got the appeal of this guy.
Dash: ...okay, I think I’m over the epicness of that one scene. What’d I miss?
Fallen: Nothing of consequence to the rest of the story.
Fluttericefreakfireshark tore the dreamscape open, making those dreams reality.
Pinkie: And now the story’s back to the original author.
Dash: Wait, so now everything that happened is canon in the story!?
Fluttericedreamfreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeeze-beamshark then ate Psycho Pie and Luna,
Fallen: No reason for it, really. She was just hungry.
making her Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall,
Dash: It’s official. We’re all doomed.
who's name (probably) won't get any longer this chapter,
Pinkie: Awwww!
but will be repeated quite a few times in order to annoy the readers.
Fallen: DAMMIT!
Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall
Fallen: Oh god, the name takes up a whole row of text!*
shot Fizzball cans into Celestia's heart, making her explode into The Fanfic Itself.
Dash: Are... are we reading Princess Celestia?
The Fanfic Itself then died, and the resulting sauce made the greatest tacos in all of Generation 27.
Fallen: Meh. Transformers fell apart after Generation 2, let alone 27.
Stephen Magnate, with all of his awesomeness,
Dash: However much THAT is.
tried to revive The Fanfic Itself and turn it into a classy, well-written, and artistic story.
Pinkie: But it already IS!
Dash: Pinkie, just... no.
We can't have that, can we? The invisible Atuhor's Nose flicked him into space.
Fallen: Gordon Freechmen was studying in his was studying laboratoried...
Yes, , because this fic hasn't had enough references yet.
Fallen: I’m just waiting for Nyancat and Scrubs.
Seeing a certain spherical object while in space,
Dash: That could mean a LOT of objects.
Trixie said "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I MUST STOP THIS MADNESS!" and exploded.
Fallen: How would exploding stop anything?
Pinkie: Probably REALLY loudly.
Her hat landed on Stephen, which made him team up with Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall
Pinkie: Here’s the thrilling part where we learn the hat’s true allegiance!
Dash: I CAN’T be the only one thinking she’s reading too much into this.
Fallen: I find it concerning that she’s even found anything to read into.
to destroy Derpzilla, who was STILL fighting for the RETARDIS. But, they weren't fast enough.
Fallen: “We was... too late.”
Cthulu, Turtle, Derpzilla, and Sodalegs Spike merged into Soderpthulubuu.
Dash: Try saying THAT ten times fast.
Pinkie: Soderpthulubuu, Soderpthulubuu, Soderp-
Dash: That wasn’t a challenge!
Happily, the author isn't annoying enough to keep adding words to THAT name.
Pinkie: Aw, come on, R1NGmasterJ5! Add more!
Fallen: Wait, Ring wrote-
So, he just added them to Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall.
Fallen: I actually think I may want to see Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall’s rise to power. It’d be more coherent than- oh, who am I kidding, it’d probably be even worse.
PrincessFlutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall, who will TRULY stop getting new names in this chapter, but will in future chapters to be released sometime next month,
Dash: I’m pretty sure there’s more than one month between July 2011 and now. And I don’t see it.
Pinkie: Maybe he meant the guest submissi-
Dash: Shush.
turned Autocorrect on.
Fallen: GODDAMMIT.
Then, Doctor Whooves got his RETARDIS back, and getting tired of the long name being repeated over and over again,
Fallen: I sympathize with this character more than any other in the story.
sent Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall into a time machine,
Dash: then cranked it up to 88 miles per hour.
Fallen: We’re gonna see some serious shit.
setting her back to Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark,
Fallen: Which is STILL unholy in its length.
and removing her from the rest of this chapter.
Pinkie: And that’s the end of the huge battle. Was it worth it?
Dash: ...there was a BATTLE in here?
Soderpthulubuu started smashing multiple fanfics into this one, letting Rainbow Sparkle take over the story.
Fallen: Oh, this’ll end well.
"Hai guys! It wiz a feet day in ponivle web i an ed wit jam and got pregna cuz o a prosy. or e et yon al Abu it..."
Pinkie: I think we have the next... who’s that big famous human writer? Oh yeah, Shakespeare!
Fallen: This is less Shakespeare and more “My Immortal.”
The Fanfic Itself rose from the graze
Fallen: And hello, flashbacks to other stories...
and Cupcakes'd Rainbow Sparkle. while collecting everypony in a potato cleaner and making them dance to the death.
Dash: It went down as one of the most violent dance-offs in the history of fanfiction.
Meanwhile, Psycho Pie and Luna were fighting to the death in a nearby solar system,
Fallen: at which point the hyper-evolved Fluttershark ate them. Again.
Pinkie: No, silly! But maybe it’ll happen in the sequel!
Luna using cupcake darts, Psycho Pie throwing planets.
Dash: I think Luna’s better armed.
Psycho Pie eventually threw Equestria itself at Luna, turning everypony's hooves into bagpipes.
Fallen: The sound made just by walking drove the entire population to insanity in an instant.
Twilight screamed "Luna, if you don't stop, we'll lubricate,
Fallen: Please don’t share.
and no one will be around to fanfic everyone in the multiverse if we get around to bringing everypony back to life after we Cupcakes'd them."
Pinkie: Sound argument. Luna, your reply?
"I am no longer Nightmare Moon."
Pinkie: She must be raking in all the awards for that performance!
Fallen: ...I give up on you.
The ancient pony dropped some of the darts she was throwing, which hit Rainbow Sparkle, reviving her, as the laws of everything are completely inverted for her.
Fallen: So if we get her medical treatment, she’ll be dead in an instant? PLEASE tell me I have a defibrillator in here somewhere...
"Ug dat flaming fangs isself Klee me. Anyway, Iz bac.
Dash: You said you’ve read “the spiderses,” right, Fallen?
Fallen: Yeah.
Dash: Missing it yet?
Fallen: SO much.
I hz jet Arlen wins firm a Ned poni wen Jak crammed and we al cuht on firs. Ex-lax in a cav and I that Jak ded.
Dash: I found “Ex-Lax in a cave.” Anyone have anything else?
Fallen: Some douche named Jak dying, maybe?
Nh he dust. I Pete STD Iz forge bat the prophet Banjul bit in fly didn't. Den Clod Poof tld uz a shy it and Jak Meier e on Ira.
Pinkie: (sniffle) This scene always moves me to tears...
I Ed so happy I sad "oh mi GONADS!" and marred Jackie. WTF?
Dash: Nothing else has been running through my mind but those three letters.
Dis AuroCorec is messing me destroy hop! Dis is anniversary! War elk cloy goo wot of?"
Fallen: I think I’m going to have to make use of a rusty sawblade if this doesn’t end soon.
Then, Shark-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Anymore-This-Chapter broke the fanfic's rules to eat Rainbow Sparkle, stopping the outstanding grammar fails.
Fallen: ...you win this round.
Luna flexed one of her wings, which was made of pie pistols,
Dash: Speaking of pie pistols... I think I know where yours went.
Fallen: Really? Where?
Pinkie: (loud burp) Um... sorry?
and flapped Ponyville in half.
Fallen: I have no idea how that works, and every attempt to imagine it gives me some disturbing mental images.
"And what of it? Is it a sin, should a pony feel like firing upon a sun or a thousand?
Dash: Uh, yeah, it probably is.
Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer's broken outnumber fragpoles?"
Dash: Is she sure she’s not Nightmare Moon?
Pinkie: Wow! And here I thought nopony else would pick up on the self-doubt existential-crisis subtext!
Yes, the fragpoles. Older than Celestia herself, the large electronic Arica were the last remnants of the "goo en" race. The author proceeded to turn off Autocorrect.
Fallen: In what possible way could “goo en” be suggested and substituted by AutoCorrect?
Twilight cast a glance at the moon.
Dash: Because glances are spells that can be cast now.
Unsavory pastas emanated from a particularly effeminate crater. It was hungry.
Pinkie: That bit was added so the crater wouldn’t just be one-dimensionally effeminate! And look at how well it worked!
She looked at a nearby comet. She thought about Big Mac.
Fallen: I think I’ll go with no.
Twilight's arm
Dash: You mean her foreleg?
Pinkie: No, the arm she grew in between sentences!
moved in a revolting motion, finally pointing at Luna.
"Luna is wearing designer liprings, and as such your argument is invalid!"
Fallen: Pinkie Pie’s very existence kind of makes all arguments invalid.
Pinkie: Awww, thank you!
The crowd gasped as The Fanfic Itself slammed the desk using Spike, the annoying maildragon, as a gavel,
Pinkie: It’s not as painful as it sounds.
who went through the desk until he arrived in hell.
Fallen: The only other option was to be sent to Malchior-7 to face down the reality-warping, fire-breathing mahogany trees.
Nobody cared about him, as The Fanfic Itself's mane was now made of fire.
Dash: Sounds like what Pinkie told me happened to Twilight after their run-in with a hydra. And I’m as willing to believe it here as I was when she told me about it.
The Fanfic Itself was interrupted by Trixie, who punched her while her theme song played. The crowd cheered.
Fallen: And there was much rejoicing.
All: (unenthusiastic cheering)
The Fanfic Itself began to bleed musicals.
Pinkie: …..............................what?
Fallen: Oh no. The story’s confusing Pinkie now.
Twilight and Trixie threw nitrogen at each other,
Fallen: ...okay.
mixed Flava Flav into it before it could enter the atmosphere,
Dash: Who or what is Flava Flav?
Fallen: If you have to ask, you don’t want to know.
and punched the freak out of the atmosphere because they didn't like it.
Pinkie: Why can’t they just get along with the atmosphere?
Sweetie Belle's head exploded.
Dash: What did that have to do with the rest of that paragraph?
Fallen: Nothing.
Dash: Is nothing... something?
Pinkie: It’s everything!
Dash: Whoa.
Twilight and Trixie headflanked each other(my god that sounds wrong),
All: Yes it does.
while going through the planet Nova Scotia because that was it's weakness
Fallen: What’s weakness? And why is Nova Scotia a planet?
and that weakness caused the time and the universe to explode 42 times.
Pinkie: HAPPY END X42 COMBO!
"Twilight, the Daleks kidnapped Luna!"
Fallen: “THE LUNAR PRINCESS WILL BE EXTERMINATED!”
"What are you saying, Spike? I don't care about people who have vowels in their names."
Dash: That’s a weird kind of self-hate.
Derpy Whooves then transcended universes to save Luna; the full story of which, again, would make a better fic than this crap.
Fallen: Then WRITE that fic.
"RAW!" Trixie screamed as she began to eat Twilight,
Pinkie: I think if she screamed “MEDIUM RARE!” it would’ve tasted better.
but it was actually Twilight's shadow because she had studied under the snowboard assassins,
Fallen: Now, I’d almost be willing to say that this exchange makes some sort of sense...
who were great celery masters.
Fallen: ...if it weren’t for the inclusion of this last bit of information.
Derpy Whooves came back to this universe with Luna, Shark-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Anymore-This-Chapter, and muffin crossbows,
Dash: The muffin crossbows are the deadliest things there.
as a ferris wheel of deformed pony corpses rolled through Ponyville.
Meanwhile, Octavia was playing the Their Large Brony: Rivalplane Isn't Machinery
Fallen: I can’t believe someone actually WROTE that.
theme remix by Japanheal Pony
Fallen: Too much wordplay!
on her Cello. Vinyl Scratch than mixed Octavia's track with one of Lyra's performances.
Pinkie: DJs and dubstep make everything better!
Fallen: I don’t know about EVERYTHING...
There was no point of that paragraph other that random wordplay.
Dash: Than’s what I thought.
A Gary-Stu then appeared in Ponyville.
Fallen: Razor Graze? Lance Greenfield? Joystick? Come on, this isn’t helpful.
He tried to hit on Applejack, who then bucked the Stu's teeth in. The Stu then exploded from not being perfect in every way.
Fallen: Well, that would’ve made a lot of stories a lot shorter.
Psycho Pie turned the remains into cupcakes, as justice tastes better than ponies. This brought everypony she killed back to life, starting a zombie apocalypse.
Dash: How original.
And then Ponyville was a zombie.
Fallen: No, Ponyville. You are the-
Dash: You did that joke already.
Fallen: Crap, I’m at the recycling-jokes stage already? We need another break.
Pinkie: But there’s only a few more chapt-
Fallen: BREAK! NOW!
Dash: Why did we stop?
Fallen: Because this chapter was longer than all the last three combined and now my brain is full of fuck.
Pinkie: Isn’t it the greatest feeling EVER?
Fallen: ...no. No it’s not.
Pinkie: Well, that’s where the original author’s chapters ended. Once we start again, we’ll be reading chapters from new people!
Fallen: Aw. Ring’s part’s over?
Dash: You... know the author?
Fallen: We talk often, we collaborate often, he RUNS the MST ring I’m part of... so NOPE, never heard of him before in my life.
Pinkie: Hold on a second, Primey. Is it the MST thing I’m thinking of?
Fallen: Probably...?
Pinkie: Wasn’t 29P one of the stories they had up?
Fallen: Yeah, it was.
Pinkie: You’ve been there for...?
Fallen: Two months? I’ve only been editor for about one, but-
Pinkie: But you still knew about the other riff. It was there when you got there. And I’m willing to bet that you’ve already seen and read it! Probably even contributed to it! Haven’t you!?
Fallen: Settle down, Pinkie. Let’s keep the fourth wall in SOME state of repair, shall we?
Dash: Wait, what do you mean by fourth wa-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: Because this chapter was longer than all the last three combined and now my brain is full of fuck.
Pinkie: Isn’t it the greatest feeling EVER?
Fallen: ...no. No it’s not.
Pinkie: Well, that’s where the original author’s chapters ended. Once we start again, we’ll be reading chapters from new people!
Fallen: Aw. Ring’s part’s over?
Dash: You... know the author?
Fallen: We talk often, we collaborate often, he RUNS the MST ring I’m part of... so NOPE, never heard of him before in my life.
Pinkie: Hold on a second, Primey. Is it the MST thing I’m thinking of?
Fallen: Probably...?
Pinkie: Wasn’t 29P one of the stories they had up?
Fallen: Yeah, it was.
Pinkie: You’ve been there for...?
Fallen: Two months? I’ve only been editor for about one, but-
Pinkie: But you still knew about the other riff. It was there when you got there. And I’m willing to bet that you’ve already seen and read it! Probably even contributed to it! Haven’t you!?
Fallen: Settle down, Pinkie. Let’s keep the fourth wall in SOME state of repair, shall we?
Dash: Wait, what do you mean by fourth wa-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Compilation of guest chapters received after Chapter Four's posting.
Fallen: And there are...
Pinkie: Three of them!
Fallen: HAD to phrase it that way...
Dash: Is there a problem, Fallen?
Fallen: No, no... let’s just do this.
Everypony started to cry as the Gary Stu and Mary Sue zombie clone ponies started to take over Equestria.
Fallen: I know I’d be depressed if the world was overrun by undead pseudo-perfection.
Rarity tried to kill one of them with her horn of awesome power but was attacked by a swarm of headparaspritecrabs;
Fallen: ...no, I already made the “Quarter Life: Halfway to Destruction” joke.
who began to devour her mane and eat her cutie mark.
Dash: The dragon headparaspritecrabs loved it the most.
Pinkamena Psycho Pie came in bearing her secret weapon.
"CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!111!"
Fallen: Raise your hooves or hands if you’re surprised. (none go up) Thought so.
she screamed menacingly; as she started to throw cupcake grenades at the ghost zombie ponies.
Dash: There’s no part of that sentence that wasn’t completely awesome.
Pinkie: Greatest thing in the history of greatest things?
Dash: It has to compete with me, but... pretty close.
But the cupcakes only turned the Mary Sues into more powerful super fan girls who started to fall for every male pony in Ponyville.
Fallen: It’s like some horrible Sue-filled rendition of “Beating the Heat!”
Meanwhile, Eternal Princess Flutter-ice-fire-mountain-tiger-moon-chibi-shark
Fallen: Say what you will about Princess Flutter... whatever of the Fourth Wall; at least there was some flimsy context for her components. This... the fuck?
was dancing as poisoned rainbow-colored drops of juice and griffin eggs began to fall from the sky
Dash: I hope they all had strong enough umbrellas to hold off the falling eggs.
and sparkly pony vampire turtles started to invade;
Fallen: Arm yourselves, ladies. The Twilight invasion has begun.
putting everypony into a trance that lasted exactly forty-seven minutes.
Pinkie: I’m really happy somepony was dedicated enough to time it!
Twilight Sparkle stood there observing the chaos
Dash: Don’t get up and HELP or anything, Twi.
as the hordes of sparkle ponies flew towards Canterlot and began to rain glitter and fire upon the castle.
Pinkie: There exists no deadlier ammunition. Science proven!
Fallen: I somehow doubt you’d trust science...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Twilight roared, "NOT ALL OF CANTERLOT!!!"
Dash: Again. I don’t see you jumping to lend a hoof.
But it was too late. The castle had been turned into a Hot Topic
Fallen: I don’t get the whole stigma of Hot Topic. It’s POP CULTURE.
and became flooded with Good Charlotte and MCR psychotic goth fans.
Fallen: ...okay, between that and the metal, it makes more sense. But I live with the metal.
As Luna and Celestia emerged from the mess, Luna inexplicably turned into…a star cupcake monster!
Pinkie: “BLEEEEEH STAR CUPCAKE MONSTER!”
The Cupcake Nightmare Star Monster Creature Pony growled and started to fly towards Sweetie Bell;
Dash: Wow. Has she been in the story at all before now?
Fallen: I think once. But all she did was have her head explode.
who was polishing a small bunch of flowers and moon rocks.
Dash: You know. Because that’s something Sweetie Belle does.
Sweetie Bell cowered in fear as the creature started to throw giant blobs of banana cake batter and acid celery stalks at the small filly.
Fallen: Dick move, Cupcake Luna!
Pinkie: No, it’s Cupcake Nightmare Star Monster Creature Pony!
Fallen: Gesundheit.
"I'm scared of this thing," said Sweetie Bell, "but not in an afraid way.
Dash: “Just in a ‘wet myself in terror’ way.”
I know now how to stop it!"
She started to throw crystals at the monster
Fallen: Lob rocks at it. Genius tactician, this one.
which caused it to fall into the Ever Free Forest and get eaten by bunnies.
Pinkie: Angel’s family ate well that night. Hooray!
And then the ponies all melted away into plastic forms.
Fallen: Were they all Autons?
Pinkie: GUEST CHAPTER TWO!
Once upon a time there was only humans!
Fallen: Bitchin’.
But then the HUUUUGE asshole Trollestia
Dash: I really hope the Princess doesn’t know about this story.
killed all the humans that existed before the dinasours!
Fallen: So basically... none of them.
And the humans was all like!
":("
Pinkie: They’re really expressive for dead people!
And Trollestia was all like!
"FFFFFFF- I cannot make trollface cause me am horse!
Fallen: I think I’m gonna gag. This is the worst kind of shit grammar.
Lol but that ok cause i have magicz and wings!"
Fallen: …“magicz?”
Pinkie: Yeah! Photo Finish is supposed to be an expert in that field of research!
And then she flew off into the sunset and burned up!
Dash: LIKE A BOSS! (gets pistol-whipped by Fallen)
XXX Later that decade ponies started populating the planet that was known as Earth! (Seriously! What drugs were they on when they came up with this show?!)
Pinkie: Whatever they were, they must’ve been CRAZY!
Dash: ...there was a lot of want in that sentence.
The first pony was all like!
"Hurrrrrrr *drool*"
Fallen: Apparently ponies had a Neanderthal stage.
ROFL! All ponies were retarded cause Trollestia forgot to give them brain!
Pinkie: Remember, young foals: don’t starve your zombies.
And she was all like!
"OLOLOLOLOLOLOL that funny!"
Fallen: Mental retardation in and of itself isn’t funny. It may be MADE funny (albeit with a certain lack of taste), but alone, it’s not a joke.
Cause Trollestia cant die from burning cause she is a GOD!!!!
Fallen: And then the Hulk cut her down to size.
BUT THEN!!! A pony that somehow got a brain from a family of rocks
Pinkie: OOH! I think this is about my family!
that turned out to not be rocks but just very small gray creatures that couldn't move or talk
Fallen: Your farm harvested living rock?
Pinkie: Duh! What would be the point in farming boring old NORMAL rocks?
Fallen: Oh god, stop talking. You’re making something in the story make sense somehow.
jumped out from a cloud of copy-paper!
Fallen: ...I take that back.
"No! It's not funny!
Dash: Hey Fallen, somepony agrees with you on the mental thing!
I haz brainz and i challenge you to a duel of milk drinking!"
Pinkie: Those duels are even MORE dangerous and serious than children’s card games!
Fallen: Your words are blasphemy!
The most random pony stated
Dash: Oh sweet princess... Pinkie, it’s about you.
as she charged at the white and evil tyrant that was Trollestia!
"GASP! MY ONLY WEAKNESS! HOW DID YOU KNOW!"
Fallen: ...no, really. How is milk her weakness? And how could anypony possibly know that?
Pinkie: Just wait. They explain it.
Fallen: That’s what I was afraid of.
Trollestia (Ice-)screamed as she drowned in milk!
Dash: That’s a LOT of milk.
"You are white and can use magic! So your only natural weakness must be milk cause milk is white and a fluid that makes your bones stronger!"
Dash and Fallen: WHAT.
THE LOGIC IS TOO POWERFUL TO UNDERSTAND
Fallen: If by powerful you mean nonexistent, absolutely.
SO THE WORLD BLEW UP!!!
Pinkie: HAPPY-
Fallen: Ending that joke before its welcome is COMPLETELY worn out.
Pinkie: Why don’t you like fun?
XXX 1000 years later in the year of 100XAT (After Trollestia) ponies invented Pinkie Pie!
Pinkie: So I wasn’t really born?
It was their biggest misstake EVER!
Dash: Even worse. You were an accident.
"HOLY EFFIN SHIT MAN! PINKIE PIE IS LOOSE AND ANNOYING OUR BRAINS OUT!"
Fallen: Yeah, right. That’s one of her qualities that endears me to her.
Pinkie: Awwww, thanks, Primey!
The random scientist guy said gently in his smooth relaxing voice.
Fallen: It’s the kind of voice I’d imagine Gordon Freeman would have.
THEN!!!!!11111
Fallen: Would it have killed you to release the 1 key BEFORE the shift key?
PINKIE PIE JUMPED AROUND THE CORNER AND STARED AT
HIM!!!
Dash: Oh boy. I think you’re gonna have to answer to Fluttershy, Pinkie...
"SOOOO PINK! UKAGJFDVABHKGDAJDTY!!!"
AND HIS HEAD EXPLODED!!!!!!!!
Pinkie: I just noticed. There’ve been a lot of head ‘splosions, but you haven’t said “blah” when they-(head explodes)
Fallen: Yeah. Because A. I like trying to keep some jokes fresh, and 2. that hurts like a BITCH. The explosion AND the recovery.
THIS IS THE MOST ACTIONFILLED SHIT YOU'VE EVER READ IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!!
Fallen: No, THAT would be a novel written jointly by Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich.
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! FEEL THE ADRENALINE RUSH THROUGH YOUR BODY AS YOU FLEX YOUR MUSCLES AND REALIZE THAT THIS STORY MADE YOU A MAN!!!
Fallen: I AM A MAN! (punches Dash in the face)
Dash: OW! What the hay, man!?
Fallen: And now we’re even.
XXX (Insert calm classical music here)
Fallen: Only the smoothest of jazz will do.
Now we just have to get to the part where everyone dies.
Dash: The fic must’ve noticed how repetitive and predictable it’s getting.
Fallen: And it scares me that something like this CAN be repetitive and predictable.
Please sit down and relax as we describe a most wonderful and quiet scenery for you.
Fallen: Two words: Slipknot concert.
The birds were swaying in the wind, the tree's were singing
Dash: And pointless phrase reversal.
Pinkie: Remember, everypony! Don’t take school, drink your drugs, and stay in milk!
and Fluttershy was not Fluttershy at all anymore cause she had gone through a sex-change and was now named Fluttersteroids.
All: YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Twilight was on her way to the market that was only once a millenium
Pinkie: But it’s been a decade at least five times now.
when suddendly a rainbow colored cupcake jumped in her way!
Dash: Let me guess...
"Twilight you must help me! Pinkie made a cupcake out of me!"
Dash: Yep. Looks about right.
Thought the small cupcake cause cupcakes dont have mouths to talk with!
"nom!" Said Twilight as she ate the cupcake!
Fallen: Why wasn’t she suspicious of the cupcake that not only jumped in front of her, but was colored like one of her friends?
Dash: And if she saw it JUMP OUT AT HER ON ITS OWN, why did she eat it?
As you read you think to yourself that this story must have been written by a 6 year old or just someone very imature,
Dash: Or a very immature six-year-old.
Pinkie: Or a BUNCH of very immature six-year-olds!
Fallen: Or it’s a trollfic. Which, given the author, I find more likely.
little do you know that one of those were right and it was not the first one.
Fallen: Looks like I win, guys. Pay up.
Dash: We didn’t bet on it, though.
BUT THEN... AGAIN!
Fallen: FROM HERE ON OUT, THIS SEGMENT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN PRIMARILY DONE OUT WITH THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE.
DEATH CAME FLYING DOWN ON FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK (Why make such a long name anyway?!)
Pinkie: Because it’s sillier and more fun!
AND KILLED TWILIGHT WITH AN ICECREAM MADE OUT OF OPTIC LAZERS!
Dash: I want one-
Fallen: NO, dammit!
"HARR HARR HARR I AM TRIUMPH!" (CAPS LOCK MAKES THIS STORY AWESOME!!!)
Fallen: SCREAMING IS FUNNY!
BUT THEN!!!!!!! FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK SHOT ALL THOSE THINGS IN IT'S NAME OUT OF IT'S EAR
Dash: Is that more or less painful than vomiting poop ladybugs?
Pinkie: Actually, I think it’s about the same.
AND KILLED DEATH!!!
Fallen: Seems a bit oxymoronic.
OH NOEZ! DOES THIS MEAN THAT NO ONE CAN DIE AND THIS STORY CAN NEVAR END?!
Pinkie: HOORAY!
Fallen: Oh boy, here we go.
F NO! THIS IS MY STORY AND I CAN KILL ANYONE I WANT TO, EVEN IF THEY CAN'T DIE!
Fallen: This can only end well.
I SHALL PROVE MY POINT BY KILLING
FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK!
Dash: Kinda far to go to prove a point, isn’t it?
*FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK is unaffected by death*
Fallen: It’s not very effective...
HOLY SMOKES! I HAVE NO POWER OVER THIS STORY ANYMORE! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Fallen: (bursts into laughter)
Pinkie: What’s so funny?
Fallen: The fact that the story thinks anyone ever had power over it!
And then everyone died including me cause i tried to kill something that cannot be killed.
Dash: Serves you right. You got too cocky.
Fallen: You, of ALL ponies...
Did i learn my lesson you ask? Pfft! Hey Derpzilla come over here for a minute!
Fallen: Oh yeah. Derpzilla existed.
Pinkie: THIRD GUEST CHAPTER TIME!
Dash: And just from glancing at it, I’m kinda scared.
How Equestria was born and how it died
Dash: And JUST those two parts. Everything in the middle is boring and stupid.
Fallen: This entire thing is only two or three paragraphs, ignoring the poem at the end. But there’s a metric fuck-ton of crazy in what’s left, from the looks of it.
In the year 20394832 on the planet “Equestria” there was fascism.
Fallen: Oh no. The Nazis can’t be far off.
Fascism ran rampant in the streets slaughtering grasshopper and leaving bees in it's wake.
Dash: Transformative insecticide?
Fallen: The fact that that was your first thought makes me wonder if you actually have that in Equestria.
Pinkie: Once I get the patent for it, we will!
Fascism loved what it did, and never wanted to stop. On this ball of rock there was another entity. It was known as Communism.
Fallen: Why are Fascism and Communism their own entities?
Communism had the power of influence, he influenced the Lemmings to jump off cliffs in to seas of
grey grass.
Fallen: Didn’t take much goading on Communism’s part. It was just a matter of pointing them in the direction of danger, and they walked themselves to their doom.
Pinkie: That’s AWFUL!
Fallen: Tell that to the game developers.
One day and night Communism and Fascism met. They then raped each other. It was horrible.
Dash: So was reading that sentence.
They both died of aneurysm's.
Fallen: And there was much rejoicing.
All: (marginally more enthusiastic cheering)
From their corpse emerged the two creatures we know as “Luna” and “Celestia”.
Pinkie: The princesses were born of politics. You saw it first here!
They decapitated each other with watermelons for forty days and forty nights,
Fallen: I can’t imagine that was very easy.
only to discover that they were immortal.
Dash: You’d think they’d have taken the hint after the first round of decapitations.
After buying copyright to the sun and the moon
Fallen: That CAN’T be how to get a cutie mark.
Pinkie: Of course it is! I trademarked partying to get mine!
they decided to create ponies. They took the title of Princess because it sounded really fucking amazing.
Fallen: I think “Empress” would’ve been just fine.
And for 109 years they ruled without conflict. Then one day,
Dash: They discovered fighting games.
Princess Luna awoke, and she knew who she was! Nightmare Moon. N. M. Not just Luna but Nightmare Moon!
Fallen: Redundant redundancy is redundant.
And she used her killing data to cause the holocaust and eternal night.
Fallen: Well, now I know she was the one born of Fascism.
Celestia prayed to no god in particular,
Pinkie: What about herself?
then Beelzebub and Leviathan appeared before her. She bowed to the unholy prince's and wiped their nonexistent feet with her virgin tears.
Dash: 109 years? And she’s still a virgin?
Fallen: I don’t buy it either.
Beelzebub gave Celestia cancer and left because he's fucking Beelzebub.
Fallen: I... see.
Leviathan however, sealed the seven archangels of heaven into magical orbs that Celestia used to
Pinkie: Teabag all of reality!
Fallen: Did you REALLY just make that joke?
power the F.S.B. (Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark).
Dash: Why couldn’t they shorten that sooner!?
The shock was so powerful that it sent Luna to the mother fucking moon.
Fallen: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!
For 1000 years, she was kept alive and tortured by the lack of oxygen and the extreme temperatures.
Dash: Wait. Did that just...
Fallen: It did. It just MADE SENSE.
Every waking hour she was attacked by Hunger and Thirstiness. They were really good fighters.
Fallen: Total pussies compared to Goku.
Her HATE for ponies grew so massive that it spread to the planet below her, showering the ponies in her hate, like radiation.
Pinkie: How many heroes or villains are powered by hate radiation?
Fallen: Let’s leave it at “a lot.”
Meanwhile Celestia, after reviving everyone, recreated the government based off of Oceania from 1984 because she loved that book.
Fallen: Big Sister is watching you.
After the 1000 years Nightmare Moon came back and was promptly
Dash: and brutally
beaten by six of the the archangels reincarnations. They died 6 years later because of Luna's HATE.
Fallen: I bet the Rage virus is stronger.
Unknown to everyone the Antichrist was among them. It took the form of a blond Pegasus with crossed eyes.
Pinkie: Wow. I never would’ve guessed!
Fallen: Derpy’s the Antichrist. We may just be completely fucked.
She was a pretty cool mare, she smoked weeds and wasn't afraid of anything.
Fallen: Way to fuck up the meme. In this tense, it’d be “didn’t afraid of anything.”
She revived the archangels because she thought they were cool as well. I personally say think they were totally lame.
Dash: Wait, are they supposed to be us? HEY!
Except one of the archangels: Rainbow Dash.
Dash: That’s better.
She created Jimmy Hendrix and that makes her A-OK in my book.
Dash: ...huh?
Anyway, Luna and Celestia both met in Canterlot.
Pinkie: Wouldn’t they have met a lot sooner, since they’re sisters and all?
Fallen: Wow. You question the actual logistics of the story... in the completely wrong places.
The battle raged for 7 years. The archangels and the Antichrist retreated into the south lands.
Fallen: ...Mexico?
As they stood from far off, they cried when they saw the smoke of her burning: "Was there ever a city like this?"
Fallen: I can’t decide. New Orleans, Detroit, or all of New Jersey?
Pinkie: Are humans always this mean to each other?
Fallen: You REALLY don’t know us very well.
They decided that existence needed to be purified. So they summoned the power of Democracy
Fallen: And made a certain Wayward Vagabond very proud.
to rain hell fire from the heavens.
Dash: Somehow, temperatures were colder than they’ve been in decades.
Then it went like this:
Dash: Oh joy. Bad poetry. I’m so excited.
The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies
Picked through the rubble
Pinkie: So THAT’S where foals come from! Pulled out of piles of debris!
And pulled out their hair
The skyline was beautiful on fire
Dash: Except for, you know, all the smog.
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze
Fallen: Are you sure that’s safe to bathe in?
I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -
These are truly the last days"
Dash: What tipped you off to THAT?
You grabbed my metaphorical hand
Pinkie: As opposed to a literal hoof.
And we fell into it
Like a Daydream
Or a fever
Fallen: I guess you can fall into fevers now.
We woke up one morning, and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death
Fallen: And how would you know that unless you’ve seen the valley of death before?
I open up my wallet
And it's full of Capitalism.
Dash: …
Pinkie: …
Fallen: ...yeah, we’re done here.
Fallen: And there are...
Pinkie: Three of them!
Fallen: HAD to phrase it that way...
Dash: Is there a problem, Fallen?
Fallen: No, no... let’s just do this.
Everypony started to cry as the Gary Stu and Mary Sue zombie clone ponies started to take over Equestria.
Fallen: I know I’d be depressed if the world was overrun by undead pseudo-perfection.
Rarity tried to kill one of them with her horn of awesome power but was attacked by a swarm of headparaspritecrabs;
Fallen: ...no, I already made the “Quarter Life: Halfway to Destruction” joke.
who began to devour her mane and eat her cutie mark.
Dash: The dragon headparaspritecrabs loved it the most.
Pinkamena Psycho Pie came in bearing her secret weapon.
"CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!111!"
Fallen: Raise your hooves or hands if you’re surprised. (none go up) Thought so.
she screamed menacingly; as she started to throw cupcake grenades at the ghost zombie ponies.
Dash: There’s no part of that sentence that wasn’t completely awesome.
Pinkie: Greatest thing in the history of greatest things?
Dash: It has to compete with me, but... pretty close.
But the cupcakes only turned the Mary Sues into more powerful super fan girls who started to fall for every male pony in Ponyville.
Fallen: It’s like some horrible Sue-filled rendition of “Beating the Heat!”
Meanwhile, Eternal Princess Flutter-ice-fire-mountain-tiger-moon-chibi-shark
Fallen: Say what you will about Princess Flutter... whatever of the Fourth Wall; at least there was some flimsy context for her components. This... the fuck?
was dancing as poisoned rainbow-colored drops of juice and griffin eggs began to fall from the sky
Dash: I hope they all had strong enough umbrellas to hold off the falling eggs.
and sparkly pony vampire turtles started to invade;
Fallen: Arm yourselves, ladies. The Twilight invasion has begun.
putting everypony into a trance that lasted exactly forty-seven minutes.
Pinkie: I’m really happy somepony was dedicated enough to time it!
Twilight Sparkle stood there observing the chaos
Dash: Don’t get up and HELP or anything, Twi.
as the hordes of sparkle ponies flew towards Canterlot and began to rain glitter and fire upon the castle.
Pinkie: There exists no deadlier ammunition. Science proven!
Fallen: I somehow doubt you’d trust science...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Twilight roared, "NOT ALL OF CANTERLOT!!!"
Dash: Again. I don’t see you jumping to lend a hoof.
But it was too late. The castle had been turned into a Hot Topic
Fallen: I don’t get the whole stigma of Hot Topic. It’s POP CULTURE.
and became flooded with Good Charlotte and MCR psychotic goth fans.
Fallen: ...okay, between that and the metal, it makes more sense. But I live with the metal.
As Luna and Celestia emerged from the mess, Luna inexplicably turned into…a star cupcake monster!
Pinkie: “BLEEEEEH STAR CUPCAKE MONSTER!”
The Cupcake Nightmare Star Monster Creature Pony growled and started to fly towards Sweetie Bell;
Dash: Wow. Has she been in the story at all before now?
Fallen: I think once. But all she did was have her head explode.
who was polishing a small bunch of flowers and moon rocks.
Dash: You know. Because that’s something Sweetie Belle does.
Sweetie Bell cowered in fear as the creature started to throw giant blobs of banana cake batter and acid celery stalks at the small filly.
Fallen: Dick move, Cupcake Luna!
Pinkie: No, it’s Cupcake Nightmare Star Monster Creature Pony!
Fallen: Gesundheit.
"I'm scared of this thing," said Sweetie Bell, "but not in an afraid way.
Dash: “Just in a ‘wet myself in terror’ way.”
I know now how to stop it!"
She started to throw crystals at the monster
Fallen: Lob rocks at it. Genius tactician, this one.
which caused it to fall into the Ever Free Forest and get eaten by bunnies.
Pinkie: Angel’s family ate well that night. Hooray!
And then the ponies all melted away into plastic forms.
Fallen: Were they all Autons?
Pinkie: GUEST CHAPTER TWO!
Once upon a time there was only humans!
Fallen: Bitchin’.
But then the HUUUUGE asshole Trollestia
Dash: I really hope the Princess doesn’t know about this story.
killed all the humans that existed before the dinasours!
Fallen: So basically... none of them.
And the humans was all like!
":("
Pinkie: They’re really expressive for dead people!
And Trollestia was all like!
"FFFFFFF- I cannot make trollface cause me am horse!
Fallen: I think I’m gonna gag. This is the worst kind of shit grammar.
Lol but that ok cause i have magicz and wings!"
Fallen: …“magicz?”
Pinkie: Yeah! Photo Finish is supposed to be an expert in that field of research!
And then she flew off into the sunset and burned up!
Dash: LIKE A BOSS! (gets pistol-whipped by Fallen)
XXX Later that decade ponies started populating the planet that was known as Earth! (Seriously! What drugs were they on when they came up with this show?!)
Pinkie: Whatever they were, they must’ve been CRAZY!
Dash: ...there was a lot of want in that sentence.
The first pony was all like!
"Hurrrrrrr *drool*"
Fallen: Apparently ponies had a Neanderthal stage.
ROFL! All ponies were retarded cause Trollestia forgot to give them brain!
Pinkie: Remember, young foals: don’t starve your zombies.
And she was all like!
"OLOLOLOLOLOLOL that funny!"
Fallen: Mental retardation in and of itself isn’t funny. It may be MADE funny (albeit with a certain lack of taste), but alone, it’s not a joke.
Cause Trollestia cant die from burning cause she is a GOD!!!!
Fallen: And then the Hulk cut her down to size.
BUT THEN!!! A pony that somehow got a brain from a family of rocks
Pinkie: OOH! I think this is about my family!
that turned out to not be rocks but just very small gray creatures that couldn't move or talk
Fallen: Your farm harvested living rock?
Pinkie: Duh! What would be the point in farming boring old NORMAL rocks?
Fallen: Oh god, stop talking. You’re making something in the story make sense somehow.
jumped out from a cloud of copy-paper!
Fallen: ...I take that back.
"No! It's not funny!
Dash: Hey Fallen, somepony agrees with you on the mental thing!
I haz brainz and i challenge you to a duel of milk drinking!"
Pinkie: Those duels are even MORE dangerous and serious than children’s card games!
Fallen: Your words are blasphemy!
The most random pony stated
Dash: Oh sweet princess... Pinkie, it’s about you.
as she charged at the white and evil tyrant that was Trollestia!
"GASP! MY ONLY WEAKNESS! HOW DID YOU KNOW!"
Fallen: ...no, really. How is milk her weakness? And how could anypony possibly know that?
Pinkie: Just wait. They explain it.
Fallen: That’s what I was afraid of.
Trollestia (Ice-)screamed as she drowned in milk!
Dash: That’s a LOT of milk.
"You are white and can use magic! So your only natural weakness must be milk cause milk is white and a fluid that makes your bones stronger!"
Dash and Fallen: WHAT.
THE LOGIC IS TOO POWERFUL TO UNDERSTAND
Fallen: If by powerful you mean nonexistent, absolutely.
SO THE WORLD BLEW UP!!!
Pinkie: HAPPY-
Fallen: Ending that joke before its welcome is COMPLETELY worn out.
Pinkie: Why don’t you like fun?
XXX 1000 years later in the year of 100XAT (After Trollestia) ponies invented Pinkie Pie!
Pinkie: So I wasn’t really born?
It was their biggest misstake EVER!
Dash: Even worse. You were an accident.
"HOLY EFFIN SHIT MAN! PINKIE PIE IS LOOSE AND ANNOYING OUR BRAINS OUT!"
Fallen: Yeah, right. That’s one of her qualities that endears me to her.
Pinkie: Awwww, thanks, Primey!
The random scientist guy said gently in his smooth relaxing voice.
Fallen: It’s the kind of voice I’d imagine Gordon Freeman would have.
THEN!!!!!11111
Fallen: Would it have killed you to release the 1 key BEFORE the shift key?
PINKIE PIE JUMPED AROUND THE CORNER AND STARED AT
HIM!!!
Dash: Oh boy. I think you’re gonna have to answer to Fluttershy, Pinkie...
"SOOOO PINK! UKAGJFDVABHKGDAJDTY!!!"
AND HIS HEAD EXPLODED!!!!!!!!
Pinkie: I just noticed. There’ve been a lot of head ‘splosions, but you haven’t said “blah” when they-(head explodes)
Fallen: Yeah. Because A. I like trying to keep some jokes fresh, and 2. that hurts like a BITCH. The explosion AND the recovery.
THIS IS THE MOST ACTIONFILLED SHIT YOU'VE EVER READ IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!!
Fallen: No, THAT would be a novel written jointly by Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich.
GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! FEEL THE ADRENALINE RUSH THROUGH YOUR BODY AS YOU FLEX YOUR MUSCLES AND REALIZE THAT THIS STORY MADE YOU A MAN!!!
Fallen: I AM A MAN! (punches Dash in the face)
Dash: OW! What the hay, man!?
Fallen: And now we’re even.
XXX (Insert calm classical music here)
Fallen: Only the smoothest of jazz will do.
Now we just have to get to the part where everyone dies.
Dash: The fic must’ve noticed how repetitive and predictable it’s getting.
Fallen: And it scares me that something like this CAN be repetitive and predictable.
Please sit down and relax as we describe a most wonderful and quiet scenery for you.
Fallen: Two words: Slipknot concert.
The birds were swaying in the wind, the tree's were singing
Dash: And pointless phrase reversal.
Pinkie: Remember, everypony! Don’t take school, drink your drugs, and stay in milk!
and Fluttershy was not Fluttershy at all anymore cause she had gone through a sex-change and was now named Fluttersteroids.
All: YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Twilight was on her way to the market that was only once a millenium
Pinkie: But it’s been a decade at least five times now.
when suddendly a rainbow colored cupcake jumped in her way!
Dash: Let me guess...
"Twilight you must help me! Pinkie made a cupcake out of me!"
Dash: Yep. Looks about right.
Thought the small cupcake cause cupcakes dont have mouths to talk with!
"nom!" Said Twilight as she ate the cupcake!
Fallen: Why wasn’t she suspicious of the cupcake that not only jumped in front of her, but was colored like one of her friends?
Dash: And if she saw it JUMP OUT AT HER ON ITS OWN, why did she eat it?
As you read you think to yourself that this story must have been written by a 6 year old or just someone very imature,
Dash: Or a very immature six-year-old.
Pinkie: Or a BUNCH of very immature six-year-olds!
Fallen: Or it’s a trollfic. Which, given the author, I find more likely.
little do you know that one of those were right and it was not the first one.
Fallen: Looks like I win, guys. Pay up.
Dash: We didn’t bet on it, though.
BUT THEN... AGAIN!
Fallen: FROM HERE ON OUT, THIS SEGMENT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN PRIMARILY DONE OUT WITH THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE.
DEATH CAME FLYING DOWN ON FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK (Why make such a long name anyway?!)
Pinkie: Because it’s sillier and more fun!
AND KILLED TWILIGHT WITH AN ICECREAM MADE OUT OF OPTIC LAZERS!
Dash: I want one-
Fallen: NO, dammit!
"HARR HARR HARR I AM TRIUMPH!" (CAPS LOCK MAKES THIS STORY AWESOME!!!)
Fallen: SCREAMING IS FUNNY!
BUT THEN!!!!!!! FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK SHOT ALL THOSE THINGS IN IT'S NAME OUT OF IT'S EAR
Dash: Is that more or less painful than vomiting poop ladybugs?
Pinkie: Actually, I think it’s about the same.
AND KILLED DEATH!!!
Fallen: Seems a bit oxymoronic.
OH NOEZ! DOES THIS MEAN THAT NO ONE CAN DIE AND THIS STORY CAN NEVAR END?!
Pinkie: HOORAY!
Fallen: Oh boy, here we go.
F NO! THIS IS MY STORY AND I CAN KILL ANYONE I WANT TO, EVEN IF THEY CAN'T DIE!
Fallen: This can only end well.
I SHALL PROVE MY POINT BY KILLING
FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK!
Dash: Kinda far to go to prove a point, isn’t it?
*FLUTTERICEFREAKFIRE-STARSOLARPLASMAFREEZE-BEAMSHARK is unaffected by death*
Fallen: It’s not very effective...
HOLY SMOKES! I HAVE NO POWER OVER THIS STORY ANYMORE! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Fallen: (bursts into laughter)
Pinkie: What’s so funny?
Fallen: The fact that the story thinks anyone ever had power over it!
And then everyone died including me cause i tried to kill something that cannot be killed.
Dash: Serves you right. You got too cocky.
Fallen: You, of ALL ponies...
Did i learn my lesson you ask? Pfft! Hey Derpzilla come over here for a minute!
Fallen: Oh yeah. Derpzilla existed.
Pinkie: THIRD GUEST CHAPTER TIME!
Dash: And just from glancing at it, I’m kinda scared.
How Equestria was born and how it died
Dash: And JUST those two parts. Everything in the middle is boring and stupid.
Fallen: This entire thing is only two or three paragraphs, ignoring the poem at the end. But there’s a metric fuck-ton of crazy in what’s left, from the looks of it.
In the year 20394832 on the planet “Equestria” there was fascism.
Fallen: Oh no. The Nazis can’t be far off.
Fascism ran rampant in the streets slaughtering grasshopper and leaving bees in it's wake.
Dash: Transformative insecticide?
Fallen: The fact that that was your first thought makes me wonder if you actually have that in Equestria.
Pinkie: Once I get the patent for it, we will!
Fascism loved what it did, and never wanted to stop. On this ball of rock there was another entity. It was known as Communism.
Fallen: Why are Fascism and Communism their own entities?
Communism had the power of influence, he influenced the Lemmings to jump off cliffs in to seas of
grey grass.
Fallen: Didn’t take much goading on Communism’s part. It was just a matter of pointing them in the direction of danger, and they walked themselves to their doom.
Pinkie: That’s AWFUL!
Fallen: Tell that to the game developers.
One day and night Communism and Fascism met. They then raped each other. It was horrible.
Dash: So was reading that sentence.
They both died of aneurysm's.
Fallen: And there was much rejoicing.
All: (marginally more enthusiastic cheering)
From their corpse emerged the two creatures we know as “Luna” and “Celestia”.
Pinkie: The princesses were born of politics. You saw it first here!
They decapitated each other with watermelons for forty days and forty nights,
Fallen: I can’t imagine that was very easy.
only to discover that they were immortal.
Dash: You’d think they’d have taken the hint after the first round of decapitations.
After buying copyright to the sun and the moon
Fallen: That CAN’T be how to get a cutie mark.
Pinkie: Of course it is! I trademarked partying to get mine!
they decided to create ponies. They took the title of Princess because it sounded really fucking amazing.
Fallen: I think “Empress” would’ve been just fine.
And for 109 years they ruled without conflict. Then one day,
Dash: They discovered fighting games.
Princess Luna awoke, and she knew who she was! Nightmare Moon. N. M. Not just Luna but Nightmare Moon!
Fallen: Redundant redundancy is redundant.
And she used her killing data to cause the holocaust and eternal night.
Fallen: Well, now I know she was the one born of Fascism.
Celestia prayed to no god in particular,
Pinkie: What about herself?
then Beelzebub and Leviathan appeared before her. She bowed to the unholy prince's and wiped their nonexistent feet with her virgin tears.
Dash: 109 years? And she’s still a virgin?
Fallen: I don’t buy it either.
Beelzebub gave Celestia cancer and left because he's fucking Beelzebub.
Fallen: I... see.
Leviathan however, sealed the seven archangels of heaven into magical orbs that Celestia used to
Pinkie: Teabag all of reality!
Fallen: Did you REALLY just make that joke?
power the F.S.B. (Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark).
Dash: Why couldn’t they shorten that sooner!?
The shock was so powerful that it sent Luna to the mother fucking moon.
Fallen: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!
For 1000 years, she was kept alive and tortured by the lack of oxygen and the extreme temperatures.
Dash: Wait. Did that just...
Fallen: It did. It just MADE SENSE.
Every waking hour she was attacked by Hunger and Thirstiness. They were really good fighters.
Fallen: Total pussies compared to Goku.
Her HATE for ponies grew so massive that it spread to the planet below her, showering the ponies in her hate, like radiation.
Pinkie: How many heroes or villains are powered by hate radiation?
Fallen: Let’s leave it at “a lot.”
Meanwhile Celestia, after reviving everyone, recreated the government based off of Oceania from 1984 because she loved that book.
Fallen: Big Sister is watching you.
After the 1000 years Nightmare Moon came back and was promptly
Dash: and brutally
beaten by six of the the archangels reincarnations. They died 6 years later because of Luna's HATE.
Fallen: I bet the Rage virus is stronger.
Unknown to everyone the Antichrist was among them. It took the form of a blond Pegasus with crossed eyes.
Pinkie: Wow. I never would’ve guessed!
Fallen: Derpy’s the Antichrist. We may just be completely fucked.
She was a pretty cool mare, she smoked weeds and wasn't afraid of anything.
Fallen: Way to fuck up the meme. In this tense, it’d be “didn’t afraid of anything.”
She revived the archangels because she thought they were cool as well. I personally say think they were totally lame.
Dash: Wait, are they supposed to be us? HEY!
Except one of the archangels: Rainbow Dash.
Dash: That’s better.
She created Jimmy Hendrix and that makes her A-OK in my book.
Dash: ...huh?
Anyway, Luna and Celestia both met in Canterlot.
Pinkie: Wouldn’t they have met a lot sooner, since they’re sisters and all?
Fallen: Wow. You question the actual logistics of the story... in the completely wrong places.
The battle raged for 7 years. The archangels and the Antichrist retreated into the south lands.
Fallen: ...Mexico?
As they stood from far off, they cried when they saw the smoke of her burning: "Was there ever a city like this?"
Fallen: I can’t decide. New Orleans, Detroit, or all of New Jersey?
Pinkie: Are humans always this mean to each other?
Fallen: You REALLY don’t know us very well.
They decided that existence needed to be purified. So they summoned the power of Democracy
Fallen: And made a certain Wayward Vagabond very proud.
to rain hell fire from the heavens.
Dash: Somehow, temperatures were colder than they’ve been in decades.
Then it went like this:
Dash: Oh joy. Bad poetry. I’m so excited.
The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies
Picked through the rubble
Pinkie: So THAT’S where foals come from! Pulled out of piles of debris!
And pulled out their hair
The skyline was beautiful on fire
Dash: Except for, you know, all the smog.
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze
Fallen: Are you sure that’s safe to bathe in?
I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -
These are truly the last days"
Dash: What tipped you off to THAT?
You grabbed my metaphorical hand
Pinkie: As opposed to a literal hoof.
And we fell into it
Like a Daydream
Or a fever
Fallen: I guess you can fall into fevers now.
We woke up one morning, and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death
Fallen: And how would you know that unless you’ve seen the valley of death before?
I open up my wallet
And it's full of Capitalism.
Dash: …
Pinkie: …
Fallen: ...yeah, we’re done here.
Fallen: This story... I just... it’s hurting my ideas.
Pinkie: It was CRAZY! And it was BEAUTIFUL! You had to love it!
Fallen: “Love” is a strong word. And one I don’t enjoy dishing out to stories that make me nearly bust out the rusty sawblades.
Dash: I liked it.
Fallen: No fucking way. HOW?
Dash: Yeah, there was a lot - A LOT - that didn't make sense, but it was AWESOME in its chaos!
Fallen: Wait. Chaos? You don’t mean...
Dash: ...I don’t mean what?
Fallen: Wait for it..................................
Pinkie: What is he...
Dash: I don’t know.
Fallen: ...huh. Odd.
Pinkie: What do you mean? What’s odd?
Fallen: That was the perfect segue into an appearance by Discord, but... nothing.
Dash: You actually expected Discord to come.
Fallen: ...when you say it like that, it makes me sound crazy.
Dash: Which I entirely believe right now. I think all this time reading bad stories WILLINGLY has gotten to you.
Fallen: IT’S NOT AN ADDICTION! I CAN QUIT WHENEVER I WANT!
Pinkie: I think we should just leave him alone for now. He doesn’t look too happy, and it’s scaring me a little.
Dash: Yeah, come on.
(The doors unlock and open to let the two out.)
Fallen: I knew doing that would get them out of my armory. But this TV’s still on... I think I can fix that, though. God knows I’ve got plenty of options. I think I know what I want to use...
(Fallen impales the TV with a rusty sawblade, turning it off with a mess of glass and sparks.)
* In size-9 Verdana, the default text formatting for F/F/T3K docs.
Pinkie: It was CRAZY! And it was BEAUTIFUL! You had to love it!
Fallen: “Love” is a strong word. And one I don’t enjoy dishing out to stories that make me nearly bust out the rusty sawblades.
Dash: I liked it.
Fallen: No fucking way. HOW?
Dash: Yeah, there was a lot - A LOT - that didn't make sense, but it was AWESOME in its chaos!
Fallen: Wait. Chaos? You don’t mean...
Dash: ...I don’t mean what?
Fallen: Wait for it..................................
Pinkie: What is he...
Dash: I don’t know.
Fallen: ...huh. Odd.
Pinkie: What do you mean? What’s odd?
Fallen: That was the perfect segue into an appearance by Discord, but... nothing.
Dash: You actually expected Discord to come.
Fallen: ...when you say it like that, it makes me sound crazy.
Dash: Which I entirely believe right now. I think all this time reading bad stories WILLINGLY has gotten to you.
Fallen: IT’S NOT AN ADDICTION! I CAN QUIT WHENEVER I WANT!
Pinkie: I think we should just leave him alone for now. He doesn’t look too happy, and it’s scaring me a little.
Dash: Yeah, come on.
(The doors unlock and open to let the two out.)
Fallen: I knew doing that would get them out of my armory. But this TV’s still on... I think I can fix that, though. God knows I’ve got plenty of options. I think I know what I want to use...
(Fallen impales the TV with a rusty sawblade, turning it off with a mess of glass and sparks.)
* In size-9 Verdana, the default text formatting for F/F/T3K docs.
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