FP Riffs 5: Fifth Riff Masochistic Marathon
Hey everyone, it’s your old pal Fallen Prime. For this super-shiny new guest riff, we have...
...
...pain. Plain and simple, we have pain. I’m torturing myself with not one, not two, but TEN godawful stories. And by godawful, I mean that most of them are trollfics or products of boredom, all but one are rated Mature on FIMFiction for gore and/or sex, and all of them have WAY more dislikes than likes. I dove through the very bowels of the site, doing a search by rating and moving WAY into the back pages to find material. But there’s just... there’s just so much. Ten stories is just a fucking SAMPLE. And just to emphasize that point, none of these stories share an author.
In order of appearance, I present to you:
“MUFFINS” by Peppermint Swirls, a Cupcakes clone/sequel victimizing Derpy.
“Apple Blooms” by Nanodox, a mind-numbing Scootabloom watersports clopfic.
“Pinkie Pie the filly molester” by mrhappyface, a trollfic veteran. It’s Pinkie... and the baby Cakes.
“thIsstOrywIllmAkEyOUsAy”WAT!?”!” by Pickle. I think... Inception? I don’t even know.
“The Pony Centipede” by curtletheturtle, a shameless Human Centipede clone.
“repopulating alicorns” by flitterbloom, an OC clopfic that has Celestia enlisting help with... well... yeah.
“The Best Human in Equestria Story Ever” by moviemaster8510, a total-nonsense HiE trainwreck.
“The Things Hate Can Do” by SniperHero915, which is confirmed anti-Rainbow Dash propaganda.
“Apple Slices” by Dashiel, an Applecest clop/gore story starring APPLE BLOOM AND BIG MACINTOSH.
“A Fun Day!” by DontWannaKnow, the epitome of Scootabuse stories.
I mean this for myself as much as I do for all of you: I’m sorry. I’m so, SO sorry.
...
...pain. Plain and simple, we have pain. I’m torturing myself with not one, not two, but TEN godawful stories. And by godawful, I mean that most of them are trollfics or products of boredom, all but one are rated Mature on FIMFiction for gore and/or sex, and all of them have WAY more dislikes than likes. I dove through the very bowels of the site, doing a search by rating and moving WAY into the back pages to find material. But there’s just... there’s just so much. Ten stories is just a fucking SAMPLE. And just to emphasize that point, none of these stories share an author.
In order of appearance, I present to you:
“MUFFINS” by Peppermint Swirls, a Cupcakes clone/sequel victimizing Derpy.
“Apple Blooms” by Nanodox, a mind-numbing Scootabloom watersports clopfic.
“Pinkie Pie the filly molester” by mrhappyface, a trollfic veteran. It’s Pinkie... and the baby Cakes.
“thIsstOrywIllmAkEyOUsAy”WAT!?”!” by Pickle. I think... Inception? I don’t even know.
“The Pony Centipede” by curtletheturtle, a shameless Human Centipede clone.
“repopulating alicorns” by flitterbloom, an OC clopfic that has Celestia enlisting help with... well... yeah.
“The Best Human in Equestria Story Ever” by moviemaster8510, a total-nonsense HiE trainwreck.
“The Things Hate Can Do” by SniperHero915, which is confirmed anti-Rainbow Dash propaganda.
“Apple Slices” by Dashiel, an Applecest clop/gore story starring APPLE BLOOM AND BIG MACINTOSH.
“A Fun Day!” by DontWannaKnow, the epitome of Scootabuse stories.
I mean this for myself as much as I do for all of you: I’m sorry. I’m so, SO sorry.
Fallen Prime: WHY are all of you here again?
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie’s party. Duh.
Fallen: No shit, Sherlock. My lungs are practically filled with confetti right now.
Pinkie Pie: Isn’t it the best feeling EVER?
Fallen: Hell no.
Fluttershy: Please just try to relax and enjoy yourself, Fallen. It’s no good to stress yourself out when everypony else is having a good time.
Fallen: I know, you’re absolutely right. It’s just... I can’t shake this feeling that something’s off.
Applejack: Don’t you worry ‘bout it, Fallen. What kinda mentality is that to have at a Pinkie party?
Fallen: Yeah, I KNOW. But it doesn’t help at all.
Rarity: If you ask me, it appears that all of the aggression from the stories you subject yourself to has finally caught up with you.
Twilight Sparkle: Actually, now that I think of it... did Pinkie ever say what this party was for?
Rarity: You know, I’m not quite sure she did. I don’t recall ever questioning it.
AJ: Probably for the best, really. Sometimes there’s just no rhyme or reason with that pony.
Twilight: Normally, you’d be right, but she always has a reason for every party she throws. Some sort of holiday or historical moment, birthdays or celebrations, to lift somepony’s spirits...
Dash: Maybe that’s it. Maybe this guy’s just getting too worked up over these stories and she just wants to help him cool down.
Fallen: I heard that!
Dash: You were supposed to.
Fluttershy: That might be the reason... but wouldn’t she have told us that reason before inviting us?
Pinkie: You’re all right in some little way. It IS for Primey, and it IS a celebration!
Fallen: Really. A celebration of what?
Pinkie: Your fifth riff with us!
Fallen: Oh. Actually, that makes sense. In that case, thanks for everyth-wait. You said FIFTH.
Pinkie: Yeah-huh!
Fallen: But I’ve only done four with you.
Twilight and Rarity: Oh no...
Fallen: “Oh no” what?
(The armory doors slam shut and lock.)
Fallen: Are you serious? All six of you!?
Pinkie: I know, right? This’ll be our BEST MST EVER!
Dash: Actually, no. Forget this, I’m outta here.
(As she attempts to reach the perpetually-open windows, however, they slam shut as well, and she smashes into the glass.)
Dash: Ow...
Fallen: Well, fuck me sideways with a rusty sawblade. Alright, fine, I’ll do the shit. But what shit are we even doing?
Pinkie: So much of it that you’ll be waist-deep in it! I’ve got ten perfectly bad stories ready for you!
Fluttershy: T-T-T-TEN!?
AJ: Are you outta your mind, Pinkie!? Who in the hoof would sit through ten awful stories on purpose?
Pinkie: Me! And YOU six are coming along for the ride!
Fallen: How did you even lock us in? In fact, how did you manage it the first time around?
Pinkie: Easy! I can remotely control the armory for the pranks! Didn’t you see my remote when I let us out last time?
Twilight: And yet you need somepony in the control room to lock up Author’s studio.
Pinkie: I didn’t get that far yet. Anyway, first on the list is a rehash of “Cupcakes” starring me and Derpy! It’s called “MUFFINS!”
(A light tap is heard on the window, but no one pays it any mind.)
Fallen: Oh, great. I finally get one of these. I knew it was only a matter of time...
Rarity: Haven’t you forced me to read enough of these unsavory snowclones already?
Pinkie: Not by a longshot! Ready?
All but Pinkie: NO.
Pinkie: Good!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie’s party. Duh.
Fallen: No shit, Sherlock. My lungs are practically filled with confetti right now.
Pinkie Pie: Isn’t it the best feeling EVER?
Fallen: Hell no.
Fluttershy: Please just try to relax and enjoy yourself, Fallen. It’s no good to stress yourself out when everypony else is having a good time.
Fallen: I know, you’re absolutely right. It’s just... I can’t shake this feeling that something’s off.
Applejack: Don’t you worry ‘bout it, Fallen. What kinda mentality is that to have at a Pinkie party?
Fallen: Yeah, I KNOW. But it doesn’t help at all.
Rarity: If you ask me, it appears that all of the aggression from the stories you subject yourself to has finally caught up with you.
Twilight Sparkle: Actually, now that I think of it... did Pinkie ever say what this party was for?
Rarity: You know, I’m not quite sure she did. I don’t recall ever questioning it.
AJ: Probably for the best, really. Sometimes there’s just no rhyme or reason with that pony.
Twilight: Normally, you’d be right, but she always has a reason for every party she throws. Some sort of holiday or historical moment, birthdays or celebrations, to lift somepony’s spirits...
Dash: Maybe that’s it. Maybe this guy’s just getting too worked up over these stories and she just wants to help him cool down.
Fallen: I heard that!
Dash: You were supposed to.
Fluttershy: That might be the reason... but wouldn’t she have told us that reason before inviting us?
Pinkie: You’re all right in some little way. It IS for Primey, and it IS a celebration!
Fallen: Really. A celebration of what?
Pinkie: Your fifth riff with us!
Fallen: Oh. Actually, that makes sense. In that case, thanks for everyth-wait. You said FIFTH.
Pinkie: Yeah-huh!
Fallen: But I’ve only done four with you.
Twilight and Rarity: Oh no...
Fallen: “Oh no” what?
(The armory doors slam shut and lock.)
Fallen: Are you serious? All six of you!?
Pinkie: I know, right? This’ll be our BEST MST EVER!
Dash: Actually, no. Forget this, I’m outta here.
(As she attempts to reach the perpetually-open windows, however, they slam shut as well, and she smashes into the glass.)
Dash: Ow...
Fallen: Well, fuck me sideways with a rusty sawblade. Alright, fine, I’ll do the shit. But what shit are we even doing?
Pinkie: So much of it that you’ll be waist-deep in it! I’ve got ten perfectly bad stories ready for you!
Fluttershy: T-T-T-TEN!?
AJ: Are you outta your mind, Pinkie!? Who in the hoof would sit through ten awful stories on purpose?
Pinkie: Me! And YOU six are coming along for the ride!
Fallen: How did you even lock us in? In fact, how did you manage it the first time around?
Pinkie: Easy! I can remotely control the armory for the pranks! Didn’t you see my remote when I let us out last time?
Twilight: And yet you need somepony in the control room to lock up Author’s studio.
Pinkie: I didn’t get that far yet. Anyway, first on the list is a rehash of “Cupcakes” starring me and Derpy! It’s called “MUFFINS!”
(A light tap is heard on the window, but no one pays it any mind.)
Fallen: Oh, great. I finally get one of these. I knew it was only a matter of time...
Rarity: Haven’t you forced me to read enough of these unsavory snowclones already?
Pinkie: Not by a longshot! Ready?
All but Pinkie: NO.
Pinkie: Good!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Ponyville…
Fallen: Because where the fuck else would they be?
Bright Eyes, more known as “Derpy Hooves” to her friends due to her wonky eyes, had received a mysterious letter.
Pinkie: I’m just guessing, but I think the letter was K.
To whom it may concern…
Hello! You’ve been invited to my Muffin-fest! Bring a blanket, and let’s start baking!
AJ: Well, ain’t that grand. Ah’ve been cravin’ blankets for weeks!
-
Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Rarity: And already there’s cause for concern.
Derpy’s wall-eyed pupils widened in amazement, she loved muffins more than anything else in the world.
Twilight: I thought she had a daughter.
excited and unknowing of what would happen,
Rarity: A luxury none of us can afford.
she hurried off to Sugarcube Corner.
“Welcome.” the door swung open, a dark pink mare with her hair straight, and a grin, greeted.
“I LOVE MUFFINS!” Derpy said joyously, bouncing up and down.
Dash: You know she can TALK, right? Like, actually form longer sentences?
“I know you do. Come on in!”
Pinkamena grinned, rather devilishly.
Fallen: Anyone else noticing the inconsistency of the paragraph formatting?
(All else present raise their hooves, Twilight waving hers spastically.)
Fallen: Good.
“so…where do we begin?” Derpy asked, curious.
She looked around the store, smiling. the Sweets shop was clean and tidy, as if it was just cleaned.
AJ: Of course! Ya can’t leave the blood of yer last victim all over the place. It’s just bad business.
“Not yet, dear.”
Fluttershy: That doesn’t sound like something Pinkie Pie would say.
Pinkie: That’s Pinkamena, remember?
Fluttershy: I still say it sounds wrong...
the pink mare said, closing her eyes and smiling,
“let’s make tea, shall we?”
Dash: I don’t want to know what she makes her tea from...
“sure! What kind?” Derpy grinned.
Fallen: “We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey...”
“oh, naïve little Derpy! Chamomile will do.”
Pinkie then poured the yellow tea,
Dash: I’m gonna be sick...
Fallen: Keep it together, Rainbow.
chuckling softly.
“What’s so funny?” the grey mare asked, cocking her head.
“it’s fun to have parties!” the pink mare tried her best to not laugh harder.
Pinkie: No argument here!
“I wonder why your name is ‘Pinkamena’?”
Twilight: Because that’s what her parents named her. And I’ve seen her birth certificate, so I can vouch for that.
Fluttershy: When did you see her birth certificate? Why would you need to?
Twilight: It’s... a long story.
Pinkie spat out her tea, the green liquid spilled onto Derpy’s face and the table.
Rarity: How uncouth! Target one or the other, but do NOT let it spray!
“oh. You little filly…I’d rather not discuss that.”
Pinkamena dipped a biscuit in her tea.
“But—”
“Drink your tea!” Pinkamena interrupted, her large blue eyes flashed.
Dash: Pinkamena’s a changeling?
Fluttershy: That thought might actually help me get through this.
Derpy Hooves soon fell asleep that night,
AJ: So was it soon or that night?
not knowing that Pinkamena was feeding her muffins.
Fallen: I think she’d be choking if you were force-feeding her in her sleep.
“There, Derpy, don’t be hungry for the night.” she grinned, surpressing a giggle, looking at the fireplace, she whispered,
“Oh, a little fire will do! Be warm, my sweetie.”
Fallen: Is EVERY story I read going to have rapist stalker undertones? It’s like a goddamn curse!
Pinkamena Diane Pie put a bonfire near the sleeping pony.
Derpy woke up seeing a bag of muffins in front of her.
“for me?” the little gray mare asked, smiling.
Fluttershy: She baked muffins without using Derpy as an ingredient? Oh, thank goodness!
Twilight: Don’t get too comfortable...
“we’ll bake them today! Eat up.”
Derpy scoffed down the muffins, the sweet treat making her a little more awake.
AJ: Ah thought she tried to knock ‘em out with the food, not make ‘em more alert.
“Bake, Derpy, bake!” Pinkamena ordered the golden-eyed mare, watching as Derpy was constantly mixing the ingredients and putting them in the stove repeatedly.
“I’m tired, Pinkie!” she panted, struggling to smile.
Dash: Wow. Cooking makes you winded?
Pinkie: It’s hard work, Dashie!
AJ: She ain’t kiddin’. It takes time, it gets hot with the oven goin’, and so much can go wrong.
“Sleep near the fireplace, I’ll do with the muffins!” the pink mare walked over to the fireplace, the fire inside burning ablaze with red flames.
Rarity: You forgot to mention the flaming, fiery burn.
Just as Derpy was settling down, Pinkamena finally let her plan go into motion, and pushed her towards the fireplace.
Fallen: And hello, Hansel and Gretel allusion.
Pinkamena watched mercilessly at the terrorized pony that was burning in the flames, the grey pony screamed in horror as flames licked at her coat and scorched her gold mane.
Finally having enough, he
Twilight: had a sudden and unexplained sex change.
Fallen: When did this turn into Splice?
pulled Derpy out of the fireplace, but her so-called rescue wasn’t indented.
The pink mare soaked her with ice-cold water.
“Oops, I must’ve pushed you too hard.” Pinkamena smiled at Derpy, whose purple-gay coat
Fluttershy: There’s no purple in her coat.
Fallen: And I think Dinky is proof that she’s straight.
was now charred and black, the few remnants of her mane had turned brown, her eyes were red and wide with horror.
Rarity: It would be a challenge, but I believe that with enough effort, I can make her fabulous once more!
“hungry?” Pinkamena grinned as she held out a tray full of blueberry muffins, and stuffed then into Derpy’s charred, red mouth.
“I hope you’re thirsty, too!” Pinkamena laughed, picking up a jar of tea, and forced Derpy to drink it all in one gulp.
Dash: And I thought being in the fire was burn enough.
Derpy lay panting, her stomach was bloated from force-feeding and gulping liquid, her coat charred and red, her wet hooves trying to get her to stand up, but slipping, the pain in her eyes showed.
“you sick? I’ll help you!”
Pinkie: “I have a Ph.D. in partying!”
Pinkamena reached her hoof down Derpy’s throat, the burnt mare gagged.
Rarity: Already? Compared to the events of “Cupcakes,” briefly burning alive seems rather tame.
She spew thick, brown liquid onto the mantelpiece and the once-clean floor, chunks were spat on Pinkamena as well, but she did not bother.
Fluttershy: “I’m sorry, vomit chunks, was I in the way?”
Pinkamena laughed again,“You’ll meet with your fate, just like I did with…”
AJ: That might be a good twist. Pinkie was one of her own victims!
Twilight: I don’t think it’s THAT good a twist.
Pinkamena’s eyes darkened, despite the bright sun,“Rainbow Dash!”
“The cupcakes?!” Derpy choked, she, as well as everypony else, had heard of the infamous Cupcake murder.
Dash: Then why hasn’t she been caught yet? And why was Derpy so calm when she met Pinkamena?
AJ: And don’t ponies still buy the meat cupcakes?
Twilight: That ONE SENTENCE apparently made all the logic of the story fall apart at the seams.
“Oh, i forgot to tell you why i invited you to be my next victim…” the pink mare grinned, looking at the knife drawer for a moment, then looked into Derpy’s eyes with a menacing smile,
Fallen: How and why was the smile staring at her?
Your number came up, you know?”
Derpy gasped, visibly shaken, she managed to squeak out,”i….i’m sorry…”
Rarity: Why apologize for an event left entirely up to chance?
Fallen: Do we even know how that number system works?
Rarity: No, but chance is a good assumption.
“Sorry my ass!
Pinkie: (gasp) A swear? You crossed the line, story-me!
you deserve to be my most precious muffin, oh yes!” Pinkamena chuckled, the fire in her eyes ablaze, Derpy gulped.
Fallen: Ooh. Swallowing fire must HURT.
“P-pinkie…what about—”WHACK.
Twilight: “FORE!”
Derpy groggily woke up to a throbbing pain at the back of her head, noticing that she was in a dark, unfamiliar room,
Fluttershy: How could she tell it was unfamiliar if it was so dark?
she inhaled deeply, and looked down.
she appeared to be strapped on a wooden rack,
Pinkie: You’d think they’d notice sooner if they were tied up or strapped to something.
metal chains strapped onto her four hooves and neck, only her wings were unstrapped, but even trying to flutter with them didn’t work.
now breathing faster, she looked around, nervous.
Fallen: Oh my god, “Spike’s Girl Trouble” did this same thing. SENTENCE DOES NOT EQUAL PARAGRAPH.
Fluttershy: There’s a story called “Spike’s Girl Trouble?”
Fallen: You’re calling it a story?
“Let’s cut up some muffins, shall we?” A voice emerged from the dark room, and as the grey mare heard hoof-steps, her heart beat faster.
“P-pinkie….w-what are you doing?” the grey pegasus asked, her heart fluttering,
Dash: How do you not know what she’s doing if you know about my murder?
Rarity: And stop your fluttering.
Pinkamena revealed herself, pushing a rusted cart covered with a bloodied cloth,
“Don’t worry, Derpy! every thing’s gonna be all right!”
“W—but i didn’t do anything to you!
Twilight: Linear dialogue doesn’t work like that.
Pinkie: “Yes you did! Remember Lyra’s birthday party?”
what are you doing?!” Derpy cried, the Pegasus’s eyes brimming with tears.
Fallen: Seriously. Density of antimatter.
“Oh, just prepping up the secret ingredient…you!” Pinkamena cleaned her hooves,
Rarity: If you’re going to commit a grisly murder, personal hygiene is a must.
AJ: She’s gonna splatter ‘em with blood in a matter of minutes anyway, ain’t she? What’s the point of washin’ up?
Rarity: Don’t start with me.
and walked over to Derpy.
“Also, Have i shown you what the rest of this place is like?”
Dash: Obviously not, because she didn’t recognize the place.
Derpy panted, not daring to speak.
As Pinkamena clicked on the faint light, the grey pegasus gasped in horror.
the entire room was grotesquely decorated,
Rarity: Red clashes horribly with blue! Whose wretched idea was this!?
many streamers scattered around the room, but they weren’t streamers at all,
Fluttershy: Then why call them streamers in the first place?
they were the entrails of dead ponies.
AJ: The ponies reading this are supposed to know about “Cupcakes,” right? Supposed to read that first?
Dash: Yeah. Why?
AJ: Then what’s the point of describin’ the torture room again if they should already know what it looks like?
Fallen: It makes the authors feel more accomplished.
Derpy looked at the next decorations.
Twilight: There were so many balloons, but they weren’t balloons.
a few dozen brightly painted, yet bloodied skulls of ponies
Fallen: It was too much work to clean off the blood before painting them.
hung the walls and shelves, pastel-colored balloons made out of organs
Pinkie: WOW! Are you psychic, Twilight?
Twilight: No, I’ve just seen this room described enough times to have a clear mental image of it.
were floating up the ceiling, all of the chairs and tables were not made of wood but of rotted flesh and dry, cracked bones.
Rarity: That doesn’t sound like very stable furniture.
Four foal heads sat in the center of a table, their flesh long rotted, maggots squirming around the eye sockets of each foal.
Fluttershy: Why would she kill foals!?
Derpy’s eyes quickly looked around, realigning to a large banner at the top, made of blood and flesh, it read,Life is a Party.
Fallen: I know we haven’t addressed it yet, but the grammar and sentence structure is abysmal.
Twilight: I’m doing everything in my power to keep myself from freaking out.
Her attention then darted back to a party horn, fleshy and red,
AJ: Did the author mention flesh enough? ‘Cuz it’s all made of flesh.
as it unfurled, touching her lips
Fallen: “I’m your coltfriend now, Derpy...”
and retracting. The Pegasus’s eyes widened at the sight of Pinkamena, the pink pony wore a dress of the many Cutie Marks of her previous victims,
Rarity: They never do mention what these cutie marks are, at least not in any of the stories I’ve been made to read.
Fluttershy: Why would you WANT to know?
her necklace made of severed horns, each from an Unicorn,
Pinkie: So Dashie is an pegasus?
and the last display was her six wings of different colors.
Fallen: But nopony wanted to see the display, and the museum was promptly shut down.
“Like it, Derpy?” Pinkamena giggled, bouncing up and down, but the pegasus was far from happy.
tearing up, Derpy cried out,”Pinkie, don’t do this! i didn’t do ANYTHING!”
Dash: I didn’t do anything to her, either, but it didn’t stop her from-
Twilight: Two speakers in one paragraph!?
AJ: So much for not freakin’ out...
Fallen: I don’t think that IS the same paragraph, but the way it’s set up, you can’t fucking tell without actually checking.
“Oh, don’t cry, Derpy! everything will be okay!” Pinkamena patted the crying mare on the head, grinning.
Derpy only cried harder, this time fear and horror taking over regret.
Rarity: Regret for what?
Dash: Being gullible enough to go for this?
Fluttershy: RAINBOW DASH! She’s about to be murdered! How can you say that!?
Dash: By not being attached to these characters at all. Not that hard, ‘Shy.
The pink mare held up a thin, sharp scalpel, and reached over to Derpy’s right flank, right above her cutie mark.
Pinkie: No warning jokes? Weak.
She made a circular incision, peeling away the flesh, as Derpy screamed in terror and pain.
Fallen: And just a tiny bit of ecstasy.
Twilight: Who would get pleasure from having their flanks carved into!?
Fallen: There’s always someone.
as the rest of the flesh peeled away, Pinkamena moved on to the Pegasus’s left flank, doing the same incision.
Rarity: Say what you will about the original story, but at least it attempted to be descriptive.
Derpy gritted her teeth, trying to look away from the pink mare cutting her flesh, and trying to ignore the searing pain.
AJ: Ya didn’t have to mention what she was tryin’ to do twice.
finishing,
Fallen: Didn’t want to know that.
Pinkamena smiled, and held up the two cutie marks,”Look! they’re cute, is that why they’re called ‘Cutie Marks’?”.
Twilight: Oh, goody. The jokes have started. And they’re even worse than in the first story.
she put down the bloodied pieces of flesh onto the table, and held up a large, thick butcher knife.
“Gotta wing it to you, Derpy!
Fallen: WRONG!
you’ve been a great help.”
Pinkie: “Thanks SO much for not being able to stop me from hacking you up into itty-bitty pieces!”
as she walked behind Derpy, the mare tugged at her wings, yanking them hard. Derpy cried out again, the burning pain in her flanks reignited.
Dash: We get it, she’s in pain!
Preparing her aim, Pinkamena brought the knife down hard at the base of her victim’s wing,
Rarity: I may have figured out why this story uses Derpy as its victim.
Fluttershy: Why?
Rarity: Because this way, Pinkamena would still be torturing a pegasus, and the story could become a perfect clone of the original. Right now the only real difference is the burning at the very start.
and as it hit the flesh, Derpy shrieked, frantically waving her wings,
AJ: So frantic wavin’ works when flutterin’ wouldn’t?
the fast thrashing ruined Pinkamena’s aim, and she brought the knife down the base of Derpy’s neck instead.
Fallen: The mental image I’m getting is just her drawing the blade from her neck all the way down her back, cutting the skin just enough for it to create a little river of blood running down her entire body.
Fluttershy: That’s awful!
Fallen: It’s still a better job than this story’s doing at horror.
Pinkamena sighed, holding on to the mangled wing,”You know, Derpy, if you weren’t so ditzy, you’d be a lot easier to work with!”
Dash: Seconded.
Pinkamena whacked the blade down again repeatedly, hitting her target as blood sprayed out, staining the pony’s face,
AJ: It doesn’t mean Derpy’s face, does it? Ah don’t even think that would work if the blood was sprayin’ from her wings and she was strapped up like Rainbow was.
Fallen: Wait. Applejack, you’ve read “Cupcakes?”
AJ: Not firsthoof, but ah’ve heard enough.
but it didn’t work, the blade wasn’t sharp enough to cut through bone.
“I guess I’ll use my Hack-saw!” she grinned, grabbing a large saw, and walking behind Derpy again.
Pinkie: I didn’t think the hacksaw could hack, though!
the gray Pegasus whimpered, tears streaming down her cheeks, she closed her eyes and braced for impact.
Dash: She’s about to crash! Mayday! Mayday!
Pinkamena aimed the tool above the mangled base of the gray wing, on hind legs, using her two front hooves,
Twilight: That wording’s way too confusing. It took me too long to figure out what it was trying to say, and even then, I’m still not sure I’m right.
she swung the saw back and forth,
Fallen: then let it play on the seesaw and gave it a push down the slide.
it easily severed through the skin and bone.
Derpy gagged, the jagged teeth of the saw working its way through her poor wing made her feel queasy.
Fluttershy: I can sympathize...
Pinkamena grinned as the wing fell off to the ground, bloodied and splintered.
the pony moved on to the next wing, but to Derpy, it was no use to struggle anymore,
Rarity: What would struggling have done anyway?
the pain had fatigued her, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Fallen: Somewhere in Equestria, Spell Nexus suddenly became very aroused.
Fluttershy: Who?
Fallen: You wouldn’t get it.
Only slightly opening her eyes when the sawing had paused, she slowly looked over to Pinkamena, who chuckled at her,”Think fast now!”
Dash: Is that possible for her?
Rarity: Is your opinion of Derpy really that low?
Dash: You never had to work with her. I watched her destroy town hall.
it took her less than a second to react as Pinkamena stripped down the last remnant of flesh at the base from back to the rump, she shrieked loudly, tears flying, her body paralyzed at the unexpected pain,
Twilight: How did she stop expecting her to keep mutilating her? Or how did she expect the mutilation to stop hurting?
her legs locked together and she felt the familiar, warm expel of urine.
Rarity: I’m serious, it’s like a carbon copy.
panting hard, she froze and collapsed.
Fallen: No surprise, Pinkamena’s on hand with an adrenaline needle to wake her back up.
Fluttershy: Why would anypony make something like this? Let alone rewrite or copy it?
Fallen: Desperate attention grab, plain and simple.
She awoke with the lout beating
Twilight: (twitch)
of her heart and a gasp, her vision became less blurred to focus on a frustrated-looking Pinkamena staring at her, pulling out a large needle filled with adrenaline.
Pinkie: “Sorry, I was just finding more things to stab you with.”
AJ: Ah think you’re havin’ a bit too much fun with this, Pinkie.
Pinkie: Silly Applejack! There’s no such thing as too much fun!
“You should know that it’s rude to fall asleep when I’m having fun with you!” Pinkamena spat.
Rarity: The dialogue as well? I’m even more amazed now that the author omitted the hacksaw joke.
Derpy blinked away tears, but they kept falling. her sides were searing with pain, so much pain.
Dash: ENOUGH ABOUT THE PAIN!
the pink pony sighed, taking a red object to her mouth.
Pinkamena noticed Derpy looking at what she ate,”This delicious morsel? it’s from your leg!
Fallen: Yeah, this is pissing me off. This is like a retarded changeling trying to copy “Cupcakes.”
you taste good, here, try some!”
she shoved another piece into Derpy’s mouth,
AJ: That’s the first chunk of leg Derpy was force-fed. How is it ANOTHER piece?
and the pegasus immediately gagged, spitting it out.
“Oh, gross. do you really think my muffins are bad?” Pinkamena frowned.
Fluttershy: “No, just the ones you use ponies to make.”
Fallen: Please tell me someone else has made a connection between “Cupcakes” and Soylent Green. I can’t be the first.
Derpy groaned in disgust, “P-Pinkie…”.
Pinkamena cocked her head, “what is it, Derpy? need a little more fun?” she grinned.
the pink mare held up a drill,
Rarity: What’s this? An original idea?
Dash: So it’s a dentist’s idea of fun?
Pinkie: There’s actually plenty of fun to be had with drills! It’s just that not a lot of it’s safe.
and walked over to Derpy, “Dont be scared, little Filly of mine!”
Derpy gasped, clamping her mouth shut, but Pinkamena pried it open with a clamp, and turned on the buzzing drill.
Rarity: It was buzzing before she turned it on?
Placing the drill into Derpy’s mouth, the pink mare drilled holes into her cheeks, blood spewed out the openings, and with a pair of pliers, she yanked out several of her teeth.
Dash: ...no, I still see this as a dentist getting his kicks.
Twilight: You’re not very fond of dentists, are you, Rainbow?
Dash: What gave you THAT idea? And no, I’m not telling you why.
Derpy shrieked, a gurgled noise emerging from her throat, blood spurted in all directions, covering the Pink pony in sweet, crimson liquid.
Pinkie: Talk about a bloodbath! Although in this case I think it’d be a blood shower...
the pink pony walked over to a can on the tray, opening it up to reveal five searing hot coals,
AJ: Sweet Celestia, that’s almost six searin’ hot coals!
Fluttershy: Why is the number of coals important?
she grinned at Derpy.
the Pegasus’s adrenaline acted up again,
Fallen: Adrenaline, if you don’t behave right now, I WILL TURN THIS FIC AROUND!
and she took in large gasps of breath.
“Don’t be scared! i’m just going to give you some treats!”
Pinkie: “Gimme a sec, I’ll go get the cookies...”
the pink pony held up the can of coals carefully,”They’re kind of hot, but they will taste better that way!”
Twilight: Right up until the burning coals cause serious damage to her taste buds.
Derpy screamed again, crying,”N-no! i don’t want to deal with this anymore! NOOO!”
AJ: Ah hear ya, partner.
the pink mare ignored the pained Pegasus’s screams and dropped the hot coals down Derpy’s mouth.
Rarity: How does one drop something down a mouth?
The burning smell of flesh watered her eyes, her throat searing with white-hot pain, blood gurgled up and dribbled to the sides of her mouth.
Dash: I didn’t think her mouth really had sides anymore.
swallowing the coals only made it worse, a heavy, hot pain ignited in her stomach, and she coughed up bile of blood and charred flesh.
Fluttershy: How is she still alive!? The blood loss alone should have killed her by now, and she should reasonably be in shock!
Pinkamena laughed at the funny happenings,
Pinkie: “Huh? Oh, sorry, I was watching Seinfeld.”
and she focused her attention to two electrical rods, smiling at Derpy, she picked he two rods and implanted them into Derpy’s ears.
Fallen: If this turns into Wes Craven’s Shocker, I’ll be SO happy.
“You always said you wanted your eyes realigned, huh?”
Fluttershy: I’ve never heard her complain about her eyes. In fact, she seems very happy with them!
Dash: I don’t see this helping her out with them anyway.
Derpy tried to scream but a gurgling sound came out instead, followed by another vomit.
Twilight: Apparently vomit is a singular object now.
Pinkamena cackled, flipping on the switch.
Electricity surged though the Pegasus’s head,
Fallen: “It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!”
Rarity: Not for much longer.
her skull felt as if it were going to explode, eyes rolled into the back of her head, her body tensed, thrust upwards and slammed back onto the ground, letting out a gurgling shriek,
AJ: Her body shrieked?
Pinkie: (chuckling) “Shriek” is kind of a funny word!
the blood spewed out of her mouth and her ears bled.
Fluttershy: So much blood...
Pinkamena laughed again, how lovely this scene was!
Fallen: All that’s missing is a happy prance through a field of flowers!
she turned off the switch, steam emanated through the Pegasus’s ears and mouth, she waked over to Derpy,
Dash: It’s not easy to wake in somepony’s general direction.
”Hay! don’t sleep yet, sweetheart! Pinkie’s still working on you!”
Rarity: I’m quite certain you WANT the patient unconscious for most operations.
Pinkamena then used the wheel on the rack to extend Derpy into full position, perfect for what was going to happen next.
Fallen: Is it rape time yet?
Twilight: Seriously?
The pink pony pushed the a needle into her lower spine column, and Derpy woke with a jolt, still in tremendous amounts of pain.
AJ: Yeah. Ah don’t think this is the type of pain ya just walk off.
“Think of it as anesthesia! you won’t feel a thing in the next few minutes.”
Twilight: So... it’s anesthesia.
Pinkamena walked over to the tray and picked up a large knife.
“P-Pin-Pinkie?” Derpy managed to cry out.
“Yes, Sweetie?”
Rarity: NO! Sweetie Belle, you leave the story THIS INSTANT!
“I—i want to go home! Please don’ do this, Pinkie!” she cried, and vomited again.
Fluttershy: So much vomit...
“…likely story. you’ll be home soon!”
Fallen: ALSO a likely story.
Pinkamena took a look at Derpy’s eyes, “They don’t look fixed!”.
Dash: See? Didn’t help at all.
the pink mare took out a clamp and two iron spires, grinning.
Derpy looked up weakly, eyes tearing up.
Pinkie: That’s the problem with eyes made of paper. It doesn’t take much for them to get torn up.
With a flash, Pinkamena placed the clamp onto the bridge of her victim’s nose, between the eyes, and laid down the iron spires.
Twilight: Well. Points for creativity.
Fallen: In divergence from the original, yeah. But let’s face it, if you want creative deaths, you want Elm Street or Saw.
twisting the clamp, Pinkamena heard the soft cracking of the bone at the base of her eyes, then moved on to the forehead, she pinched a piece of gray skin, twisting the clamp around again creating a large hole in the middle of her forehead.
Dash: Okay, I’m getting ready to call overkill.
Derpy screamed softly and cried, the sound of muscle being torn away and the feeling of tendons snapping sickened her.
Rarity: The fact that this exists is sickening enough.
Onto the next part, Pinkamena picked up one spire, and put it on the middle of Derpy’s right eye, and brought down a hammer with it,
Fallen: STOP! Hammertime! (smacked by Dash)
crashing through the eyeball and impaling through the skull, Derpy shrieked louder, convulsing.
AJ: Wow. Not even Rainbow was put through this. Derpy’s gettin’ the classic treatment and then some.
the second spire, Pinkamena heated it up, and with her hammer, slammed it down the bases of her front hooves, the hot pain and numbness of Derpy’s hooves tingled through her,
Fluttershy: So much pain...
Rarity: How can she feel the numbness anyway? I thought the purpose was to NOT feel it.
screaming in agony, she cried harder.
Pinkamena injected more of the anesthesia into Derpy, as soon as the Pegasus’s body numbed, the pink pony made a long incision reaching from her pelvis to the base of her sternum.
Twilight: And how do you know if her body’s numb?
Dash: Oh look, the organ thing. Back to copying “Cupcakes.”
Pinkamena peeled open the flaps of skin, a gooey, wet sound was made.
Derpy’s breathing quickened, the sight of her organs horrified her.
Pinkie: They’re just organs. The only difference is that they’re hers!
Pinkamena grabbed the Abdominal sac and sliced it open, the juice running off the table, revealing the Intestines.
“Look at this, Derpy! it’s like a snake! wriggly wriggly!”
Fallen: Not. Even. Trying.
she flailed around the two entrails, waggling them around as if they were toys, Derpy wanted to vomit.
Dash: Oh, now she stops herself from throwing up?
“Ooh!” Pinkamena held up the stomach, squeezing it, the remains of the coal gushed out of a hole,”hehehe!”
Fluttershy: So many organs...
Pinkie: This is the weakest material yet!
Derpy was barely aware of what was going on anymore, too fatigued and tired to go on anymore, she fell asleep again.
AJ: Ah’m right behind ya. This is just gettin’ dull.
Pinkamena took hold of her victim’s esophagus and squeezed it. “squishy organs, that’s interesting!”
Twilight: Aren’t they all squishy? And hasn’t she done this enough to not be intrigued by it anymore?
Derpy woke up from yet another hit of the Adrenaline needle, and saw that her heart was pounding fast, but it was leaking with blood.
Rarity: At this point, what ISN’T she bleeding from?
“Hay, i’m getting a little bored with this,
All: SO ARE WE.
how about you, Derpy?” Pinkamena asked.
Derpy, near death now, the last thing she felt was the scraping of the knife against her skull…
She was gone.
AJ: Ah reckon Derpy actually took more punishment than you, Rainbow. Lasted longer, too.
Dash: I won’t count it because the story’s too crazy. NOPONY could survive all that.
Now all Pinkamena had to do was sew the skin back together.
cleaning off the remaining flesh and blood, the pink pony used a needle, and sewed through the skin, connecting it into one grisly piece.
Twilight: I wonder... if she preserves most of her victims, what does she do with those whose cutie marks are sewn onto the dress?
Adding the finishing touches of hair and the cutie mark, Pinkamena smiled.
The doll that stood in front of her was a effigy of Derpy Hooves, hand-crafted and carefully woven back to it’s original frame.
Rarity: Restoring that much burn damage and mutilation must have been frustrating.
Pinkamena hugged her grotesque doll, and said to it, “There, Derpy, my little filly, everything will be better now!”
Pinkie: “The story’s almost over, so you won’t have to be here much longer!”
The pink mare turned around to the skinned, gutted remnants of a corpse that was once Derpy, and grinned, “Hey Derpy, how about we cook up some delicious Muffins?”
Fluttershy: Please no...
Fallen: Great. We haven’t even finished one story and she already broke.
She shook the head of the doll, whispering, as if it were saying, “No! let’s see who’s number came up now!”
“Good idea, Derpy! i’m proud of you, my filly!”
AJ: You’re proud of a stuffed body.
Dash: You’re AGREEING with a stuffed body.
Twilight: You’re TALKING to a stuffed body.
…
…
…
…
“Hey, Rarity. Have any ideas?”
Rarity: Oh, of all the worst ways this could have ended-
Fallen: Save it. We’re gonna stop here now that this story’s over.
Pinkie: Don’t you wanna jump right into-
Fallen: GOD NO.
Fallen: Because where the fuck else would they be?
Bright Eyes, more known as “Derpy Hooves” to her friends due to her wonky eyes, had received a mysterious letter.
Pinkie: I’m just guessing, but I think the letter was K.
To whom it may concern…
Hello! You’ve been invited to my Muffin-fest! Bring a blanket, and let’s start baking!
AJ: Well, ain’t that grand. Ah’ve been cravin’ blankets for weeks!
-
Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Rarity: And already there’s cause for concern.
Derpy’s wall-eyed pupils widened in amazement, she loved muffins more than anything else in the world.
Twilight: I thought she had a daughter.
excited and unknowing of what would happen,
Rarity: A luxury none of us can afford.
she hurried off to Sugarcube Corner.
“Welcome.” the door swung open, a dark pink mare with her hair straight, and a grin, greeted.
“I LOVE MUFFINS!” Derpy said joyously, bouncing up and down.
Dash: You know she can TALK, right? Like, actually form longer sentences?
“I know you do. Come on in!”
Pinkamena grinned, rather devilishly.
Fallen: Anyone else noticing the inconsistency of the paragraph formatting?
(All else present raise their hooves, Twilight waving hers spastically.)
Fallen: Good.
“so…where do we begin?” Derpy asked, curious.
She looked around the store, smiling. the Sweets shop was clean and tidy, as if it was just cleaned.
AJ: Of course! Ya can’t leave the blood of yer last victim all over the place. It’s just bad business.
“Not yet, dear.”
Fluttershy: That doesn’t sound like something Pinkie Pie would say.
Pinkie: That’s Pinkamena, remember?
Fluttershy: I still say it sounds wrong...
the pink mare said, closing her eyes and smiling,
“let’s make tea, shall we?”
Dash: I don’t want to know what she makes her tea from...
“sure! What kind?” Derpy grinned.
Fallen: “We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey...”
“oh, naïve little Derpy! Chamomile will do.”
Pinkie then poured the yellow tea,
Dash: I’m gonna be sick...
Fallen: Keep it together, Rainbow.
chuckling softly.
“What’s so funny?” the grey mare asked, cocking her head.
“it’s fun to have parties!” the pink mare tried her best to not laugh harder.
Pinkie: No argument here!
“I wonder why your name is ‘Pinkamena’?”
Twilight: Because that’s what her parents named her. And I’ve seen her birth certificate, so I can vouch for that.
Fluttershy: When did you see her birth certificate? Why would you need to?
Twilight: It’s... a long story.
Pinkie spat out her tea, the green liquid spilled onto Derpy’s face and the table.
Rarity: How uncouth! Target one or the other, but do NOT let it spray!
“oh. You little filly…I’d rather not discuss that.”
Pinkamena dipped a biscuit in her tea.
“But—”
“Drink your tea!” Pinkamena interrupted, her large blue eyes flashed.
Dash: Pinkamena’s a changeling?
Fluttershy: That thought might actually help me get through this.
Derpy Hooves soon fell asleep that night,
AJ: So was it soon or that night?
not knowing that Pinkamena was feeding her muffins.
Fallen: I think she’d be choking if you were force-feeding her in her sleep.
“There, Derpy, don’t be hungry for the night.” she grinned, surpressing a giggle, looking at the fireplace, she whispered,
“Oh, a little fire will do! Be warm, my sweetie.”
Fallen: Is EVERY story I read going to have rapist stalker undertones? It’s like a goddamn curse!
Pinkamena Diane Pie put a bonfire near the sleeping pony.
Derpy woke up seeing a bag of muffins in front of her.
“for me?” the little gray mare asked, smiling.
Fluttershy: She baked muffins without using Derpy as an ingredient? Oh, thank goodness!
Twilight: Don’t get too comfortable...
“we’ll bake them today! Eat up.”
Derpy scoffed down the muffins, the sweet treat making her a little more awake.
AJ: Ah thought she tried to knock ‘em out with the food, not make ‘em more alert.
“Bake, Derpy, bake!” Pinkamena ordered the golden-eyed mare, watching as Derpy was constantly mixing the ingredients and putting them in the stove repeatedly.
“I’m tired, Pinkie!” she panted, struggling to smile.
Dash: Wow. Cooking makes you winded?
Pinkie: It’s hard work, Dashie!
AJ: She ain’t kiddin’. It takes time, it gets hot with the oven goin’, and so much can go wrong.
“Sleep near the fireplace, I’ll do with the muffins!” the pink mare walked over to the fireplace, the fire inside burning ablaze with red flames.
Rarity: You forgot to mention the flaming, fiery burn.
Just as Derpy was settling down, Pinkamena finally let her plan go into motion, and pushed her towards the fireplace.
Fallen: And hello, Hansel and Gretel allusion.
Pinkamena watched mercilessly at the terrorized pony that was burning in the flames, the grey pony screamed in horror as flames licked at her coat and scorched her gold mane.
Finally having enough, he
Twilight: had a sudden and unexplained sex change.
Fallen: When did this turn into Splice?
pulled Derpy out of the fireplace, but her so-called rescue wasn’t indented.
The pink mare soaked her with ice-cold water.
“Oops, I must’ve pushed you too hard.” Pinkamena smiled at Derpy, whose purple-gay coat
Fluttershy: There’s no purple in her coat.
Fallen: And I think Dinky is proof that she’s straight.
was now charred and black, the few remnants of her mane had turned brown, her eyes were red and wide with horror.
Rarity: It would be a challenge, but I believe that with enough effort, I can make her fabulous once more!
“hungry?” Pinkamena grinned as she held out a tray full of blueberry muffins, and stuffed then into Derpy’s charred, red mouth.
“I hope you’re thirsty, too!” Pinkamena laughed, picking up a jar of tea, and forced Derpy to drink it all in one gulp.
Dash: And I thought being in the fire was burn enough.
Derpy lay panting, her stomach was bloated from force-feeding and gulping liquid, her coat charred and red, her wet hooves trying to get her to stand up, but slipping, the pain in her eyes showed.
“you sick? I’ll help you!”
Pinkie: “I have a Ph.D. in partying!”
Pinkamena reached her hoof down Derpy’s throat, the burnt mare gagged.
Rarity: Already? Compared to the events of “Cupcakes,” briefly burning alive seems rather tame.
She spew thick, brown liquid onto the mantelpiece and the once-clean floor, chunks were spat on Pinkamena as well, but she did not bother.
Fluttershy: “I’m sorry, vomit chunks, was I in the way?”
Pinkamena laughed again,“You’ll meet with your fate, just like I did with…”
AJ: That might be a good twist. Pinkie was one of her own victims!
Twilight: I don’t think it’s THAT good a twist.
Pinkamena’s eyes darkened, despite the bright sun,“Rainbow Dash!”
“The cupcakes?!” Derpy choked, she, as well as everypony else, had heard of the infamous Cupcake murder.
Dash: Then why hasn’t she been caught yet? And why was Derpy so calm when she met Pinkamena?
AJ: And don’t ponies still buy the meat cupcakes?
Twilight: That ONE SENTENCE apparently made all the logic of the story fall apart at the seams.
“Oh, i forgot to tell you why i invited you to be my next victim…” the pink mare grinned, looking at the knife drawer for a moment, then looked into Derpy’s eyes with a menacing smile,
Fallen: How and why was the smile staring at her?
Your number came up, you know?”
Derpy gasped, visibly shaken, she managed to squeak out,”i….i’m sorry…”
Rarity: Why apologize for an event left entirely up to chance?
Fallen: Do we even know how that number system works?
Rarity: No, but chance is a good assumption.
“Sorry my ass!
Pinkie: (gasp) A swear? You crossed the line, story-me!
you deserve to be my most precious muffin, oh yes!” Pinkamena chuckled, the fire in her eyes ablaze, Derpy gulped.
Fallen: Ooh. Swallowing fire must HURT.
“P-pinkie…what about—”WHACK.
Twilight: “FORE!”
Derpy groggily woke up to a throbbing pain at the back of her head, noticing that she was in a dark, unfamiliar room,
Fluttershy: How could she tell it was unfamiliar if it was so dark?
she inhaled deeply, and looked down.
she appeared to be strapped on a wooden rack,
Pinkie: You’d think they’d notice sooner if they were tied up or strapped to something.
metal chains strapped onto her four hooves and neck, only her wings were unstrapped, but even trying to flutter with them didn’t work.
now breathing faster, she looked around, nervous.
Fallen: Oh my god, “Spike’s Girl Trouble” did this same thing. SENTENCE DOES NOT EQUAL PARAGRAPH.
Fluttershy: There’s a story called “Spike’s Girl Trouble?”
Fallen: You’re calling it a story?
“Let’s cut up some muffins, shall we?” A voice emerged from the dark room, and as the grey mare heard hoof-steps, her heart beat faster.
“P-pinkie….w-what are you doing?” the grey pegasus asked, her heart fluttering,
Dash: How do you not know what she’s doing if you know about my murder?
Rarity: And stop your fluttering.
Pinkamena revealed herself, pushing a rusted cart covered with a bloodied cloth,
“Don’t worry, Derpy! every thing’s gonna be all right!”
“W—but i didn’t do anything to you!
Twilight: Linear dialogue doesn’t work like that.
Pinkie: “Yes you did! Remember Lyra’s birthday party?”
what are you doing?!” Derpy cried, the Pegasus’s eyes brimming with tears.
Fallen: Seriously. Density of antimatter.
“Oh, just prepping up the secret ingredient…you!” Pinkamena cleaned her hooves,
Rarity: If you’re going to commit a grisly murder, personal hygiene is a must.
AJ: She’s gonna splatter ‘em with blood in a matter of minutes anyway, ain’t she? What’s the point of washin’ up?
Rarity: Don’t start with me.
and walked over to Derpy.
“Also, Have i shown you what the rest of this place is like?”
Dash: Obviously not, because she didn’t recognize the place.
Derpy panted, not daring to speak.
As Pinkamena clicked on the faint light, the grey pegasus gasped in horror.
the entire room was grotesquely decorated,
Rarity: Red clashes horribly with blue! Whose wretched idea was this!?
many streamers scattered around the room, but they weren’t streamers at all,
Fluttershy: Then why call them streamers in the first place?
they were the entrails of dead ponies.
AJ: The ponies reading this are supposed to know about “Cupcakes,” right? Supposed to read that first?
Dash: Yeah. Why?
AJ: Then what’s the point of describin’ the torture room again if they should already know what it looks like?
Fallen: It makes the authors feel more accomplished.
Derpy looked at the next decorations.
Twilight: There were so many balloons, but they weren’t balloons.
a few dozen brightly painted, yet bloodied skulls of ponies
Fallen: It was too much work to clean off the blood before painting them.
hung the walls and shelves, pastel-colored balloons made out of organs
Pinkie: WOW! Are you psychic, Twilight?
Twilight: No, I’ve just seen this room described enough times to have a clear mental image of it.
were floating up the ceiling, all of the chairs and tables were not made of wood but of rotted flesh and dry, cracked bones.
Rarity: That doesn’t sound like very stable furniture.
Four foal heads sat in the center of a table, their flesh long rotted, maggots squirming around the eye sockets of each foal.
Fluttershy: Why would she kill foals!?
Derpy’s eyes quickly looked around, realigning to a large banner at the top, made of blood and flesh, it read,Life is a Party.
Fallen: I know we haven’t addressed it yet, but the grammar and sentence structure is abysmal.
Twilight: I’m doing everything in my power to keep myself from freaking out.
Her attention then darted back to a party horn, fleshy and red,
AJ: Did the author mention flesh enough? ‘Cuz it’s all made of flesh.
as it unfurled, touching her lips
Fallen: “I’m your coltfriend now, Derpy...”
and retracting. The Pegasus’s eyes widened at the sight of Pinkamena, the pink pony wore a dress of the many Cutie Marks of her previous victims,
Rarity: They never do mention what these cutie marks are, at least not in any of the stories I’ve been made to read.
Fluttershy: Why would you WANT to know?
her necklace made of severed horns, each from an Unicorn,
Pinkie: So Dashie is an pegasus?
and the last display was her six wings of different colors.
Fallen: But nopony wanted to see the display, and the museum was promptly shut down.
“Like it, Derpy?” Pinkamena giggled, bouncing up and down, but the pegasus was far from happy.
tearing up, Derpy cried out,”Pinkie, don’t do this! i didn’t do ANYTHING!”
Dash: I didn’t do anything to her, either, but it didn’t stop her from-
Twilight: Two speakers in one paragraph!?
AJ: So much for not freakin’ out...
Fallen: I don’t think that IS the same paragraph, but the way it’s set up, you can’t fucking tell without actually checking.
“Oh, don’t cry, Derpy! everything will be okay!” Pinkamena patted the crying mare on the head, grinning.
Derpy only cried harder, this time fear and horror taking over regret.
Rarity: Regret for what?
Dash: Being gullible enough to go for this?
Fluttershy: RAINBOW DASH! She’s about to be murdered! How can you say that!?
Dash: By not being attached to these characters at all. Not that hard, ‘Shy.
The pink mare held up a thin, sharp scalpel, and reached over to Derpy’s right flank, right above her cutie mark.
Pinkie: No warning jokes? Weak.
She made a circular incision, peeling away the flesh, as Derpy screamed in terror and pain.
Fallen: And just a tiny bit of ecstasy.
Twilight: Who would get pleasure from having their flanks carved into!?
Fallen: There’s always someone.
as the rest of the flesh peeled away, Pinkamena moved on to the Pegasus’s left flank, doing the same incision.
Rarity: Say what you will about the original story, but at least it attempted to be descriptive.
Derpy gritted her teeth, trying to look away from the pink mare cutting her flesh, and trying to ignore the searing pain.
AJ: Ya didn’t have to mention what she was tryin’ to do twice.
finishing,
Fallen: Didn’t want to know that.
Pinkamena smiled, and held up the two cutie marks,”Look! they’re cute, is that why they’re called ‘Cutie Marks’?”.
Twilight: Oh, goody. The jokes have started. And they’re even worse than in the first story.
she put down the bloodied pieces of flesh onto the table, and held up a large, thick butcher knife.
“Gotta wing it to you, Derpy!
Fallen: WRONG!
you’ve been a great help.”
Pinkie: “Thanks SO much for not being able to stop me from hacking you up into itty-bitty pieces!”
as she walked behind Derpy, the mare tugged at her wings, yanking them hard. Derpy cried out again, the burning pain in her flanks reignited.
Dash: We get it, she’s in pain!
Preparing her aim, Pinkamena brought the knife down hard at the base of her victim’s wing,
Rarity: I may have figured out why this story uses Derpy as its victim.
Fluttershy: Why?
Rarity: Because this way, Pinkamena would still be torturing a pegasus, and the story could become a perfect clone of the original. Right now the only real difference is the burning at the very start.
and as it hit the flesh, Derpy shrieked, frantically waving her wings,
AJ: So frantic wavin’ works when flutterin’ wouldn’t?
the fast thrashing ruined Pinkamena’s aim, and she brought the knife down the base of Derpy’s neck instead.
Fallen: The mental image I’m getting is just her drawing the blade from her neck all the way down her back, cutting the skin just enough for it to create a little river of blood running down her entire body.
Fluttershy: That’s awful!
Fallen: It’s still a better job than this story’s doing at horror.
Pinkamena sighed, holding on to the mangled wing,”You know, Derpy, if you weren’t so ditzy, you’d be a lot easier to work with!”
Dash: Seconded.
Pinkamena whacked the blade down again repeatedly, hitting her target as blood sprayed out, staining the pony’s face,
AJ: It doesn’t mean Derpy’s face, does it? Ah don’t even think that would work if the blood was sprayin’ from her wings and she was strapped up like Rainbow was.
Fallen: Wait. Applejack, you’ve read “Cupcakes?”
AJ: Not firsthoof, but ah’ve heard enough.
but it didn’t work, the blade wasn’t sharp enough to cut through bone.
“I guess I’ll use my Hack-saw!” she grinned, grabbing a large saw, and walking behind Derpy again.
Pinkie: I didn’t think the hacksaw could hack, though!
the gray Pegasus whimpered, tears streaming down her cheeks, she closed her eyes and braced for impact.
Dash: She’s about to crash! Mayday! Mayday!
Pinkamena aimed the tool above the mangled base of the gray wing, on hind legs, using her two front hooves,
Twilight: That wording’s way too confusing. It took me too long to figure out what it was trying to say, and even then, I’m still not sure I’m right.
she swung the saw back and forth,
Fallen: then let it play on the seesaw and gave it a push down the slide.
it easily severed through the skin and bone.
Derpy gagged, the jagged teeth of the saw working its way through her poor wing made her feel queasy.
Fluttershy: I can sympathize...
Pinkamena grinned as the wing fell off to the ground, bloodied and splintered.
the pony moved on to the next wing, but to Derpy, it was no use to struggle anymore,
Rarity: What would struggling have done anyway?
the pain had fatigued her, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Fallen: Somewhere in Equestria, Spell Nexus suddenly became very aroused.
Fluttershy: Who?
Fallen: You wouldn’t get it.
Only slightly opening her eyes when the sawing had paused, she slowly looked over to Pinkamena, who chuckled at her,”Think fast now!”
Dash: Is that possible for her?
Rarity: Is your opinion of Derpy really that low?
Dash: You never had to work with her. I watched her destroy town hall.
it took her less than a second to react as Pinkamena stripped down the last remnant of flesh at the base from back to the rump, she shrieked loudly, tears flying, her body paralyzed at the unexpected pain,
Twilight: How did she stop expecting her to keep mutilating her? Or how did she expect the mutilation to stop hurting?
her legs locked together and she felt the familiar, warm expel of urine.
Rarity: I’m serious, it’s like a carbon copy.
panting hard, she froze and collapsed.
Fallen: No surprise, Pinkamena’s on hand with an adrenaline needle to wake her back up.
Fluttershy: Why would anypony make something like this? Let alone rewrite or copy it?
Fallen: Desperate attention grab, plain and simple.
She awoke with the lout beating
Twilight: (twitch)
of her heart and a gasp, her vision became less blurred to focus on a frustrated-looking Pinkamena staring at her, pulling out a large needle filled with adrenaline.
Pinkie: “Sorry, I was just finding more things to stab you with.”
AJ: Ah think you’re havin’ a bit too much fun with this, Pinkie.
Pinkie: Silly Applejack! There’s no such thing as too much fun!
“You should know that it’s rude to fall asleep when I’m having fun with you!” Pinkamena spat.
Rarity: The dialogue as well? I’m even more amazed now that the author omitted the hacksaw joke.
Derpy blinked away tears, but they kept falling. her sides were searing with pain, so much pain.
Dash: ENOUGH ABOUT THE PAIN!
the pink pony sighed, taking a red object to her mouth.
Pinkamena noticed Derpy looking at what she ate,”This delicious morsel? it’s from your leg!
Fallen: Yeah, this is pissing me off. This is like a retarded changeling trying to copy “Cupcakes.”
you taste good, here, try some!”
she shoved another piece into Derpy’s mouth,
AJ: That’s the first chunk of leg Derpy was force-fed. How is it ANOTHER piece?
and the pegasus immediately gagged, spitting it out.
“Oh, gross. do you really think my muffins are bad?” Pinkamena frowned.
Fluttershy: “No, just the ones you use ponies to make.”
Fallen: Please tell me someone else has made a connection between “Cupcakes” and Soylent Green. I can’t be the first.
Derpy groaned in disgust, “P-Pinkie…”.
Pinkamena cocked her head, “what is it, Derpy? need a little more fun?” she grinned.
the pink mare held up a drill,
Rarity: What’s this? An original idea?
Dash: So it’s a dentist’s idea of fun?
Pinkie: There’s actually plenty of fun to be had with drills! It’s just that not a lot of it’s safe.
and walked over to Derpy, “Dont be scared, little Filly of mine!”
Derpy gasped, clamping her mouth shut, but Pinkamena pried it open with a clamp, and turned on the buzzing drill.
Rarity: It was buzzing before she turned it on?
Placing the drill into Derpy’s mouth, the pink mare drilled holes into her cheeks, blood spewed out the openings, and with a pair of pliers, she yanked out several of her teeth.
Dash: ...no, I still see this as a dentist getting his kicks.
Twilight: You’re not very fond of dentists, are you, Rainbow?
Dash: What gave you THAT idea? And no, I’m not telling you why.
Derpy shrieked, a gurgled noise emerging from her throat, blood spurted in all directions, covering the Pink pony in sweet, crimson liquid.
Pinkie: Talk about a bloodbath! Although in this case I think it’d be a blood shower...
the pink pony walked over to a can on the tray, opening it up to reveal five searing hot coals,
AJ: Sweet Celestia, that’s almost six searin’ hot coals!
Fluttershy: Why is the number of coals important?
she grinned at Derpy.
the Pegasus’s adrenaline acted up again,
Fallen: Adrenaline, if you don’t behave right now, I WILL TURN THIS FIC AROUND!
and she took in large gasps of breath.
“Don’t be scared! i’m just going to give you some treats!”
Pinkie: “Gimme a sec, I’ll go get the cookies...”
the pink pony held up the can of coals carefully,”They’re kind of hot, but they will taste better that way!”
Twilight: Right up until the burning coals cause serious damage to her taste buds.
Derpy screamed again, crying,”N-no! i don’t want to deal with this anymore! NOOO!”
AJ: Ah hear ya, partner.
the pink mare ignored the pained Pegasus’s screams and dropped the hot coals down Derpy’s mouth.
Rarity: How does one drop something down a mouth?
The burning smell of flesh watered her eyes, her throat searing with white-hot pain, blood gurgled up and dribbled to the sides of her mouth.
Dash: I didn’t think her mouth really had sides anymore.
swallowing the coals only made it worse, a heavy, hot pain ignited in her stomach, and she coughed up bile of blood and charred flesh.
Fluttershy: How is she still alive!? The blood loss alone should have killed her by now, and she should reasonably be in shock!
Pinkamena laughed at the funny happenings,
Pinkie: “Huh? Oh, sorry, I was watching Seinfeld.”
and she focused her attention to two electrical rods, smiling at Derpy, she picked he two rods and implanted them into Derpy’s ears.
Fallen: If this turns into Wes Craven’s Shocker, I’ll be SO happy.
“You always said you wanted your eyes realigned, huh?”
Fluttershy: I’ve never heard her complain about her eyes. In fact, she seems very happy with them!
Dash: I don’t see this helping her out with them anyway.
Derpy tried to scream but a gurgling sound came out instead, followed by another vomit.
Twilight: Apparently vomit is a singular object now.
Pinkamena cackled, flipping on the switch.
Electricity surged though the Pegasus’s head,
Fallen: “It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!”
Rarity: Not for much longer.
her skull felt as if it were going to explode, eyes rolled into the back of her head, her body tensed, thrust upwards and slammed back onto the ground, letting out a gurgling shriek,
AJ: Her body shrieked?
Pinkie: (chuckling) “Shriek” is kind of a funny word!
the blood spewed out of her mouth and her ears bled.
Fluttershy: So much blood...
Pinkamena laughed again, how lovely this scene was!
Fallen: All that’s missing is a happy prance through a field of flowers!
she turned off the switch, steam emanated through the Pegasus’s ears and mouth, she waked over to Derpy,
Dash: It’s not easy to wake in somepony’s general direction.
”Hay! don’t sleep yet, sweetheart! Pinkie’s still working on you!”
Rarity: I’m quite certain you WANT the patient unconscious for most operations.
Pinkamena then used the wheel on the rack to extend Derpy into full position, perfect for what was going to happen next.
Fallen: Is it rape time yet?
Twilight: Seriously?
The pink pony pushed the a needle into her lower spine column, and Derpy woke with a jolt, still in tremendous amounts of pain.
AJ: Yeah. Ah don’t think this is the type of pain ya just walk off.
“Think of it as anesthesia! you won’t feel a thing in the next few minutes.”
Twilight: So... it’s anesthesia.
Pinkamena walked over to the tray and picked up a large knife.
“P-Pin-Pinkie?” Derpy managed to cry out.
“Yes, Sweetie?”
Rarity: NO! Sweetie Belle, you leave the story THIS INSTANT!
“I—i want to go home! Please don’ do this, Pinkie!” she cried, and vomited again.
Fluttershy: So much vomit...
“…likely story. you’ll be home soon!”
Fallen: ALSO a likely story.
Pinkamena took a look at Derpy’s eyes, “They don’t look fixed!”.
Dash: See? Didn’t help at all.
the pink mare took out a clamp and two iron spires, grinning.
Derpy looked up weakly, eyes tearing up.
Pinkie: That’s the problem with eyes made of paper. It doesn’t take much for them to get torn up.
With a flash, Pinkamena placed the clamp onto the bridge of her victim’s nose, between the eyes, and laid down the iron spires.
Twilight: Well. Points for creativity.
Fallen: In divergence from the original, yeah. But let’s face it, if you want creative deaths, you want Elm Street or Saw.
twisting the clamp, Pinkamena heard the soft cracking of the bone at the base of her eyes, then moved on to the forehead, she pinched a piece of gray skin, twisting the clamp around again creating a large hole in the middle of her forehead.
Dash: Okay, I’m getting ready to call overkill.
Derpy screamed softly and cried, the sound of muscle being torn away and the feeling of tendons snapping sickened her.
Rarity: The fact that this exists is sickening enough.
Onto the next part, Pinkamena picked up one spire, and put it on the middle of Derpy’s right eye, and brought down a hammer with it,
Fallen: STOP! Hammertime! (smacked by Dash)
crashing through the eyeball and impaling through the skull, Derpy shrieked louder, convulsing.
AJ: Wow. Not even Rainbow was put through this. Derpy’s gettin’ the classic treatment and then some.
the second spire, Pinkamena heated it up, and with her hammer, slammed it down the bases of her front hooves, the hot pain and numbness of Derpy’s hooves tingled through her,
Fluttershy: So much pain...
Rarity: How can she feel the numbness anyway? I thought the purpose was to NOT feel it.
screaming in agony, she cried harder.
Pinkamena injected more of the anesthesia into Derpy, as soon as the Pegasus’s body numbed, the pink pony made a long incision reaching from her pelvis to the base of her sternum.
Twilight: And how do you know if her body’s numb?
Dash: Oh look, the organ thing. Back to copying “Cupcakes.”
Pinkamena peeled open the flaps of skin, a gooey, wet sound was made.
Derpy’s breathing quickened, the sight of her organs horrified her.
Pinkie: They’re just organs. The only difference is that they’re hers!
Pinkamena grabbed the Abdominal sac and sliced it open, the juice running off the table, revealing the Intestines.
“Look at this, Derpy! it’s like a snake! wriggly wriggly!”
Fallen: Not. Even. Trying.
she flailed around the two entrails, waggling them around as if they were toys, Derpy wanted to vomit.
Dash: Oh, now she stops herself from throwing up?
“Ooh!” Pinkamena held up the stomach, squeezing it, the remains of the coal gushed out of a hole,”hehehe!”
Fluttershy: So many organs...
Pinkie: This is the weakest material yet!
Derpy was barely aware of what was going on anymore, too fatigued and tired to go on anymore, she fell asleep again.
AJ: Ah’m right behind ya. This is just gettin’ dull.
Pinkamena took hold of her victim’s esophagus and squeezed it. “squishy organs, that’s interesting!”
Twilight: Aren’t they all squishy? And hasn’t she done this enough to not be intrigued by it anymore?
Derpy woke up from yet another hit of the Adrenaline needle, and saw that her heart was pounding fast, but it was leaking with blood.
Rarity: At this point, what ISN’T she bleeding from?
“Hay, i’m getting a little bored with this,
All: SO ARE WE.
how about you, Derpy?” Pinkamena asked.
Derpy, near death now, the last thing she felt was the scraping of the knife against her skull…
She was gone.
AJ: Ah reckon Derpy actually took more punishment than you, Rainbow. Lasted longer, too.
Dash: I won’t count it because the story’s too crazy. NOPONY could survive all that.
Now all Pinkamena had to do was sew the skin back together.
cleaning off the remaining flesh and blood, the pink pony used a needle, and sewed through the skin, connecting it into one grisly piece.
Twilight: I wonder... if she preserves most of her victims, what does she do with those whose cutie marks are sewn onto the dress?
Adding the finishing touches of hair and the cutie mark, Pinkamena smiled.
The doll that stood in front of her was a effigy of Derpy Hooves, hand-crafted and carefully woven back to it’s original frame.
Rarity: Restoring that much burn damage and mutilation must have been frustrating.
Pinkamena hugged her grotesque doll, and said to it, “There, Derpy, my little filly, everything will be better now!”
Pinkie: “The story’s almost over, so you won’t have to be here much longer!”
The pink mare turned around to the skinned, gutted remnants of a corpse that was once Derpy, and grinned, “Hey Derpy, how about we cook up some delicious Muffins?”
Fluttershy: Please no...
Fallen: Great. We haven’t even finished one story and she already broke.
She shook the head of the doll, whispering, as if it were saying, “No! let’s see who’s number came up now!”
“Good idea, Derpy! i’m proud of you, my filly!”
AJ: You’re proud of a stuffed body.
Dash: You’re AGREEING with a stuffed body.
Twilight: You’re TALKING to a stuffed body.
…
…
…
…
“Hey, Rarity. Have any ideas?”
Rarity: Oh, of all the worst ways this could have ended-
Fallen: Save it. We’re gonna stop here now that this story’s over.
Pinkie: Don’t you wanna jump right into-
Fallen: GOD NO.
Fallen: Well, that was pointless and tasteless.
AJ: Ah’ll say. Why’s this kind of thing even popular?
Fallen: I have no clue, but a friend of mine had a theory.
Twilight: What? Please share, I want to know how ripoffs like this keep getting written.
Fallen: Well, he said that he’s actually a big fan of the original story-
AJ: Wait, what? Are ya sure he’s in his right mind? Ah wouldn’t be so quick to listen to him.
Fallen: No, he had a reason to like it, and that’s what I think the appeal is. Some fascination with the corruption of purity. And let’s face it, there’s not much out there that’s more pure than Pinkie Pie.
Twilight: That... makes a twisted kind of sense. Maybe that’s also why some of these other gory stories got written.
Fallen: Well, Sprinkles did admit “Cupcakes” was meant as an attention-grabber, but I don’t doubt that that’s the driving force behind other stories. Though I refuse to believe any sane and rational mind would produce “Sweet Apple Massacre.”
Twilight: I second that opinion.
AJ: So... ah reckon we’ll be here awhile. What’s there to do around here?
Fallen: Not much, really. As you can obviously see, it’s more of a weapons stockpile than anything else. I’m usually only in here to restock, reorganize, or show them off. Or, you know... use them.
AJ: Ah don’t see any ropes anywhere.
Fallen: So? Why would I have a rope?
AJ: What, ya don’t think a rope can work as a weapon?
Fallen: Well, it’s not exactly lethal.
Twilight: Neither are these tasers.
Fallen: No one asked you!
AJ: Ya don’t need to kill anything with it for it to count as a weapon. And ya CAN kill somepony with a rope. Y’all could choke ‘em or hang ‘em with it. Probably even snap their neck if ya do it with enough force.
Fallen: Well, I tend to TRY to deal in deadly force. And I can’t work a rope worth shit.
AJ: Who’s to say ya need to set this place up to only suit yer own tastes?
Fallen: Oh, like you’d want to put anything in here. The only thing in here that someone else directly influenced me to include was this Tesla cannon, and even then, it wasn’t free.
AJ: Make it two things, then, ‘cuz ah’m gonna loan you one of my ropes. It just doesn’t feel full without one.
Fallen: Well... alright. Thanks, I guess.
AJ: No problem. Just a bit of Apple family hospitality.
Fallen: Does that count as hospitality if we’re on my property, though?
Pinkie: Dunno, but we’re moving on! This one’s called “Apple Blooms,” and it stars Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and... well, I’ll let you find the rest out for yourself.
Fallen: Is it something you don’t want to spoil, or something you’re uncomfortable saying?
Pinkie: Both!
Fallen: Well, fuck. Wait, why were the rest of you so quiet? I only had Applejack and Twilight to talk to.
Dash: Have you SEEN Fluttershy? She’s a total wreck after “MUFFINS,” and we’re trying to help her get it together.
Fluttershy: So much dying...
Fallen: Ah, okay. For a second I thought you were all shoved to the side for the purposes of a more focused sketch.
Rarity: What was that supposed to-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
AJ: Ah’ll say. Why’s this kind of thing even popular?
Fallen: I have no clue, but a friend of mine had a theory.
Twilight: What? Please share, I want to know how ripoffs like this keep getting written.
Fallen: Well, he said that he’s actually a big fan of the original story-
AJ: Wait, what? Are ya sure he’s in his right mind? Ah wouldn’t be so quick to listen to him.
Fallen: No, he had a reason to like it, and that’s what I think the appeal is. Some fascination with the corruption of purity. And let’s face it, there’s not much out there that’s more pure than Pinkie Pie.
Twilight: That... makes a twisted kind of sense. Maybe that’s also why some of these other gory stories got written.
Fallen: Well, Sprinkles did admit “Cupcakes” was meant as an attention-grabber, but I don’t doubt that that’s the driving force behind other stories. Though I refuse to believe any sane and rational mind would produce “Sweet Apple Massacre.”
Twilight: I second that opinion.
AJ: So... ah reckon we’ll be here awhile. What’s there to do around here?
Fallen: Not much, really. As you can obviously see, it’s more of a weapons stockpile than anything else. I’m usually only in here to restock, reorganize, or show them off. Or, you know... use them.
AJ: Ah don’t see any ropes anywhere.
Fallen: So? Why would I have a rope?
AJ: What, ya don’t think a rope can work as a weapon?
Fallen: Well, it’s not exactly lethal.
Twilight: Neither are these tasers.
Fallen: No one asked you!
AJ: Ya don’t need to kill anything with it for it to count as a weapon. And ya CAN kill somepony with a rope. Y’all could choke ‘em or hang ‘em with it. Probably even snap their neck if ya do it with enough force.
Fallen: Well, I tend to TRY to deal in deadly force. And I can’t work a rope worth shit.
AJ: Who’s to say ya need to set this place up to only suit yer own tastes?
Fallen: Oh, like you’d want to put anything in here. The only thing in here that someone else directly influenced me to include was this Tesla cannon, and even then, it wasn’t free.
AJ: Make it two things, then, ‘cuz ah’m gonna loan you one of my ropes. It just doesn’t feel full without one.
Fallen: Well... alright. Thanks, I guess.
AJ: No problem. Just a bit of Apple family hospitality.
Fallen: Does that count as hospitality if we’re on my property, though?
Pinkie: Dunno, but we’re moving on! This one’s called “Apple Blooms,” and it stars Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and... well, I’ll let you find the rest out for yourself.
Fallen: Is it something you don’t want to spoil, or something you’re uncomfortable saying?
Pinkie: Both!
Fallen: Well, fuck. Wait, why were the rest of you so quiet? I only had Applejack and Twilight to talk to.
Dash: Have you SEEN Fluttershy? She’s a total wreck after “MUFFINS,” and we’re trying to help her get it together.
Fluttershy: So much dying...
Fallen: Ah, okay. For a second I thought you were all shoved to the side for the purposes of a more focused sketch.
Rarity: What was that supposed to-
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
"Uhhh.... are you sure about this Scootaloo? I don't think this is very safe..." asked Sweetie Belle as she clinged on to a tree for dear life. "C'mon now Sweetie Belle! I think this is a great idea!" said Apple bloom
Twilight: AGAIN!?
Fallen: The entire story’s done in wall-of-text paragraphs, Twilight. You need to let the multi-speaker thing go.
as she swung from a tree branch. "Yeah! Besides, Cutie mark Crusader fire fighters is a genuis idea! Now hurry up, we got us a cat to save!" screamed Scootaloo, almost at the top of the tree.
Rarity: If I didn’t know any better, I would say they were in a tree.
Scootaloo only had to wait a couple of minutes for Apple Bloom, but with Sweetie Belle, it took some time.
Fluttershy: Why are they even climbing the tree anyway? Isn’t that dangerous?
AJ: Never stopped ‘em before.
After about 10 minutes of waiting, Scootaloo got bored.
Dash: That sounds like Scoots, alright.
"Ugh! Where is she!?" Apple Bloom screamed. "Never mine her!
Pinkie: “She’s not worth much! There are other, more valuable minerals we could be looking for!”
Fallen: I hope they’re watching for Creepers.
Let's just get Opalescense without her!" Scootaloo saw the frightend cat and reached out after her. When she did, Opal immedantly scratched her causeing her to fall.
Twilight: (tries to grab Fallen’s new rope) THE SPELLING IS TOO MUCH FOR ME!
AJ: Whoa there, Twi! That’s not what it was meant for!
Apple Bloom grabbed her hoof, but fell as well. They hit the ground and fell on top of each other.
Dash: I think I know where this is going.
Fallen: REALLY now.
"Owwww... You ok Scoot?" asked Apple Bloom in a daze. "Uggghhh... Yeah I'm ok AB." Scootaloo opended her eyes
Twilight: NO! Nopony makes that mistake by accident! This is a troll, it has to be!
only to find Apple Bloom on top of her. Both of them blushing like crazy, they said nothing for a while. "Oh.... sorry." Said AB. "No... it's cool." Said Scoot.
Rarity: Nothing about this scenario is cool. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Pinkie: Did you just say this was hot?
Rarity: I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!
"Ummm.... Maybe we should get off of each other." Said AB. "But... I..." "But... what Scootaloo?" "I.... I kinda... LIKE you on top of me." Scootaloo said now blushing harder then ever.
Fallen: Really? Scootaloo, enjoying being on the bottom?
Fluttershy: FALLEN!
"Oh.... well..." "Apple Bloom, I... never noticed how soft your mane is." Said Scootaloo running her hoof through Apple Bloom's soft mane.
AJ: Yeah, ya already mentioned the soft mane.
Dash: This is getting REALLY creepy.
"Scootaloo... I-" "Hey guys!" Apple Bloom was interupted by Sweetie Belle's voice. "Sorry I left, Rarity called me inside. But I brought us some Ice cream!" Sweetie said with happiness.
Pinkie: Is there really any better way to say something? Especially when it involves ice cream?
"Oh.... thats umm.... great Sweetie Belle..." Scootaloo said. "Yeah... great..."
Fallen: You’re just copying their dialogue from “Lesson Zero.” I feel like plagiarism is going to be a theme.
AB said. "I think I... hear Big Macintosh calling me to come back home. Bye guys." Said Apple bloom as she got off Scootaloo and ran home.
Twilight: Awkward.
Dash: You’d know plenty about that, wouldn’t you?
Twilight: Hey!
When Apple Bloom went to bed, she couldn't stop thinking about what Scootaloo said. She never felt this way before. It wasn't like brother and sister love, best friend love, or even love love! It was more like, she WANTED her.
Rarity: That would be lust, dear.
A feeling that she couldn't shake off. When she finally went to sleep, she had werid dreams of her and Scootaloo doing... things. Things she never saw but liked.
Pinkie: An underwater slumber party with baby seals?
She woke up in a cold sweat. She noticed that her vagina was a little wet and hot.
AJ: Ah can’t read this.
Fallen: Come on, Applejack. How bad could this be?
AJ: Readin’ about the sexuality of yer own kin? It ain’t right at all! How GOOD could it be!?
Fallen: ...touche.
She didn't know what to do. She never felt this way before. She didn't know if it was wrong or right.
All: WRONG!!!
She went to tell Applejack but she kept thinking about Scootaloo which made her even more wet and hot.
AJ: Okay, ah’ll admit the day will have to come when she does ask all the big questions, but it ain’t gonna happen like this!
Fluttershy: Can this just be over?
She had an idea. It probaly wouldn't stop the wetness, but it was worth a try. She placed her hoof on her vagina and started to rub.
AJ: GET IT AWAY!
It wasn't working. The wetness wouldn't stop. But, it felt so good she didn't stop. Then she thought more about Scootaloo.
Fluttershy: Who was this made for!?
Fallen: Pedophiles with peeing fetishes.
Fluttershy: I... WHAT!?
Fallen: I’m just giving you an honest answer! Oh, there’s pissing in the story, by the way.
"Oh... Scootaloo." Apple Bloom closed her eyes and pretended that it was Scootaloo doing these odd thing to her special place. "Oh.. Oh Scootaloo. Oh SCOOTALOO!" Apple Bloom screamed as she kept rubbing, harder and harder every minute.
Fallen: Every MINUTE? How long was she at it?
Twilight: I think the fact that you can joke about this is a point of concern.
"Scootaloo! This feels amazing! I.. feel something coming out of my body! I'm gonna, I'm-!" Apple Bloom then pissed all over her bed sheets.
Fallen: I can’t pretend to know how female ejaculation works, but I very much doubt it’s like that.
Dash: For the love of Celestia, SHUT UP!
"Oh no! AJ is gonna kill me!" Apple Bloom got worried. She didn't know what to do so she just thought she would sleep on the couch tonight.
AJ: Ah think ah’d know if my lil’ sis was wettin’ the bed. For ANY reason. And she ain’t. At all.
Rarity: You will need to allow some of this to slide if we’re to make it through this.
"APPLE BLOOM!" Screamed Apple Jack waking up AB. She knew that when Applejack screamed like that, she was mad.
Pinkie: What, was it her turn to sleep on the couch and Apple Bloom took it?
She leapt off the couch and ran where AJ was at. Her room. "Uhh.... yeah sis?" "What is this?" Applejack said as she pointed to the pee stain in her sister's bed sheet.
Twilight: “It’s... apple juice?”
"Oh umm... I had a nightmare last night and had an accident." Apple Bloom felt bad for lying but what else could she say?
Fallen: That you wet the bed. Plain and simple.
That she was rubbing off to the thought of Scootaloo?
Fluttershy: So wrong...
"Well why didn't you just say so sugarcube? I'll have these cleaned up by the time you get back from school." "Thanks sis." AB said as she left to get ready for school."
Twilight: That was meant to be spoken?
Dash: Not likely.
When she arrived at the school, she saw Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo waiting for her.
Dash: I’d say this is where Vinyl Scratch would call for an orgy, but I like to think she has standards.
Rarity: Keep telling yourself that, darling.
Scootaloo. "Hey AB! Ready to get our cutie marks today?!" Asked Sweetie Belle.
AJ: Ah’ve seen ‘em just hang out together to enjoy each other’s company. They ain’t one-trick ponies.
Apple Bloom didn't answer. She was to amazed at the sight of Scootaloo. Just looking at her made her hot and wet.
Rarity: (gasp) IN PUBLIC!?
Fallen: Calm down. You can freak out if she acts on it.
"You ok Apple Bloom? You look sick." Asked Scoot. "Oh yeah.. I'm fine." "Perfect! So how about Cutie mark crusaders painters? Or house makers? Oh! How about-?"
Fallen: Here’s what bothers me about the Crusaders. Do they think they can all get the same cutie mark from the same activity?
Fluttershy: I think they know they can’t. But they have so much fun playing together that they might as well try together, even if only one of them gets their cutie mark from doing it.
Fallen: Huh. That’s one way of looking at it.
Dash: What does that even have to do with the story?
Fallen: You’d really rather be reading the story right now?
Dash: Well, no, but-
Fallen: Then don’t complain.
Sweetie Belle went on. Of course, Apple bloom wasn't listening. She was gazing in Scootaloo's deep eyes.
Pinkie: Lucky there was a lifeguard in her eyes, because she could’ve drowned!
And Scootaloo was gazing at hers. She started to get even wetter and so was Scootaloo.
Twilight: Every literary bone in me is screaming in pain.
Dash: Cool it, egghead. We’ll never make it if you flip out over everything.
"Well we better get to class. Don't wanna be late." Said Sweetie Belle. She waited for Scootaloo and Apple Bloom to answer but they were to busy looking into each others eyes.
Pinkie: Think they’re lost in there?
"Weeeeeeelll.... I'm going... inside... see you both in class." Sweetie Belle said as she walked in the class. After a few more minutes of gazing, Scootaloo finally snaped
Fallen: Scootaloo killed Dumbledore!
out of her trance. "Oh... well... we should.. get to class." Said Scootaloo "Huh? Oh yeah.. let's... go" Said AB as she suddenly woke up from her trance.
AJ: How long’s it normally take for that hypnosis stuff to wear off?
Pinkie: FOOOOOOOOOREEEEEE-
Twilight: No.
The day took forever to end but it finally did. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were ready for some crusading, but Apple Bloom wasn't so excited.
Fallen: She seemed pretty damn excited earlier. (kicked in the head by AJ)
Instead, she went to Twilight's house to get a certain book. A book she knew Twilight wouldn't let her borrow. So she had to sneak and get it.
AJ: Ah TOLD her about goin’ for a ninja cutie mark! It ain’t worth the trouble, and it’ll never work!
She opened the door quitely
Pinkie: Hmmm, indeedly.
to see if anyone was home. Twilight wasn't home but Spike was.
Fallen: !
But he was sleeping in his bed so Apple Bloom didn't worry. She looked for the book, found it, grabbed it, and ran back to the barn.
Dash: This story’s going by way too fast.
Fallen: Whoa. I just heard those words from Rainbow Fucking Dash.
She went to her room to start reading. The tittle
Pinkie: PFFFFFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Fluttershy: It’s not that funny.
read, "The Feelings of a Filly".
Twilight: I remember reading that in my foalhood. Very informative. The Princess wasn’t happy I found it, but...
Apple Bloom looked in the table of contents for hotness and wetness.
AJ: Just in case all the boilin’ water leakin’ outta her wasn’t normal.
Fluttershy: This is your sister, Applejack!
AJ: Ah know, but ah’ve held back this long.
She found it on page 82 and read. It said that right about around when a young filly is about to get her cutie mark, they start to feel strange in there vagina.
Twilight: Yeah. That’s puberty.
Fallen: Or menstruation.
Rarity: I’m appalled at you, Fallen! Such vulgarity!
Fallen: Oh, how did you just start taking offense to me?
"Soo... These feeling are... normal?... wait... CUTIE MARK?!"
Dash: I don’t know about you guys, but me getting my cutie mark had nothing to do with me getting my sex drive.
Twilight: That’s not how it works anyway. Ponies tend to get their cutie marks around the time puberty sets in, but it’s not linked to it by any significant means.
The next day was a weekend so there was no school.
Fallen: Riveting.
Applejack went out of town with Rainbow Dash for some, 'quality frienship time alone'.
AJ and Dash: WHAT THE HAY!?
Big Macintosh was also out of town. One of his closest friends in Fillydilphea was sick and he had to leave right away.
Fluttershy: Big Macintosh has friends in Fillydelphia?
AJ: Probably. You wouldn’t know it from lookin’ at him, but he can be chatty with ponyfolk from outta town.
Granny Smith was going to be asleep all day. So Apple Bloom thought it was a good idea to invite Scootaloo over.
Fallen: Scootaloo + good idea = DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Scootaloo accepted and came right over. They both went in Apple Bloom's room. "Hey I'm glade
Fallen: Great, product placement.
Fluttershy: Maybe the rest of the story will smell nice.
you invited me over." Said Scootaloo happy as ever. "Yeah me too.... look Scootaloo I-" "I need to tell you something AB." Apple Bloom was interupted.
Rarity: Yes, we can see that.
"The other day, when we fell on each other, I... couldn't get you out of my mind. I.... WANTED you." Scootaloo said.
Dash: “But I looked it up, and it turns out slavery ISN’T legal in Equestria.”
"Really? Me too! I even touched myself to the thought of you." "Oh Apple Bloom! I'm so happy!" Scootaloo said as she hugged Apple Bloom.
Rarity: That is NOT how you’re supposed to respond when somepony tells you that you’re the subject of their intimate fantasies!
The feeling started to happend again. "Ummm.... AB?" "Yeah Scoot?" "You have such a beautiful mane."
Pinkie: Let’s let Sweetie Belle be the judge of that.
"Scootaloo... Can I.... can I touch you?" "Like how?" "Here I'll show ya." Apple Bloom said guiding Scootaloo all the way. She slowly put her hoof on Scootaloo's wet hot clit.
Fluttershy: NO!!
Fallen: Oh, this was not a good selection for her at all, Pinkie.
Pinkie: I kinda see that now.
Fallen: So are we going to stop?
Pinkie: Where’s the fun in that?
"Apple Bloom... that... that feels... strange..." Apple Bloom kept at it rubbing harder every second. She could see that Scootaloo was getting hotter and wetter, so she went harder.
Fluttershy: Please stop...
"Oh... Apple Bloom!" screamed Scootaloo. "I wanna try something." said Apple Bloom. She lowerd her face down on Scootaloo's amazing vagina
AJ: Uh, author? Ya might wanna get yerself checked out if you’re callin’ a filly’s nether regions amazing.
and started licking. "Apple Bloom... your tounge.. is inside me.. deeper please..." Begged Scootaloo. Apple Bloom stuck her tounge in and out making Scootaloo wetter by the minute.
Twilight: That’s how saliva’s supposed to work.
"Apple Bloom... I'm gonna pee... can I?" "Wait, I want us pee together.
Pinkie: I... I’m regretting this.
Rarity: It took you this long?
Can you make me feel good?" "Well... I'll try, if I can hold it."
Dash: “But if I can’t, where’s the bathroom?”
Apple Bloom laid on her back waiting for Scootaloo to have her way with her. Scootaloo licked Apple Bloom's clit up and down while rubbing herself.
Rarity: It’s rather unfulfilling if you have to take care of yourself while pleasuring your partner.
Fallen: Something tells me I should question how you know that...
Rarity: No. No you should not.
"Sco- Scootaloo, you feel amazing." Apple Bloom said. Scootaloo kept licking and licking getting Apple Bloom hotter by the minute.
Pinkie: Her tongue has a built-in heater?
"C'mon AB! I can't hold it anymore! I'm gonna pee!" "I'm almost there Scootaloo... here it comes... I'm... I'm!" Apple Bloom pissed in Scootaloo's face.
AJ: APPLE BLOOM!
Fluttershy: I can’t watch...
After that, Scootaloo couldn't take it anymore, she peeded.
Twilight: There’s no such word!
Dash: Wow. That’s your only complaint?
Twilight: I paid attention to almost NONE of what happened earlier, so yes.
They both did. The rested on the floor hot an sweaty. Feeling so good. Scootaloo looked at Apple Bloom's flank and shouted, "AB! Your flank!"
Fallen: I see that sentence, and I do not expect good things.
Apple Bloom looked down to see that a Apple flower cutie mark on her flank.
AJ: What’s that got to do with what she was just doin’?
Twilight: Well, metaphorically, I guess it could mean blossoming into marehood-
AJ: AH DIDN’T WANT AN ACTUAL ANSWER!
She was so happy but tired at the same time. Scootaloo also got her cutie mark. It was two lighting bolts crossing together.
Dash: And what does that have to do with anything?
Fallen: ...scissoring?
They were both so happy.
Twilight: SOMEPONY has to be.
"Hey... Apple Bloom?" "Yeah Scootaloo?" "Can we go again?" "You read my mind."
Fluttershy: No...
Fallen: Great job. She’s broken again.
Pinkie: We... should take a break.
Dash: Wait, Pinkie, why are you calling the break?
Fallen: Let her.
Twilight: AGAIN!?
Fallen: The entire story’s done in wall-of-text paragraphs, Twilight. You need to let the multi-speaker thing go.
as she swung from a tree branch. "Yeah! Besides, Cutie mark Crusader fire fighters is a genuis idea! Now hurry up, we got us a cat to save!" screamed Scootaloo, almost at the top of the tree.
Rarity: If I didn’t know any better, I would say they were in a tree.
Scootaloo only had to wait a couple of minutes for Apple Bloom, but with Sweetie Belle, it took some time.
Fluttershy: Why are they even climbing the tree anyway? Isn’t that dangerous?
AJ: Never stopped ‘em before.
After about 10 minutes of waiting, Scootaloo got bored.
Dash: That sounds like Scoots, alright.
"Ugh! Where is she!?" Apple Bloom screamed. "Never mine her!
Pinkie: “She’s not worth much! There are other, more valuable minerals we could be looking for!”
Fallen: I hope they’re watching for Creepers.
Let's just get Opalescense without her!" Scootaloo saw the frightend cat and reached out after her. When she did, Opal immedantly scratched her causeing her to fall.
Twilight: (tries to grab Fallen’s new rope) THE SPELLING IS TOO MUCH FOR ME!
AJ: Whoa there, Twi! That’s not what it was meant for!
Apple Bloom grabbed her hoof, but fell as well. They hit the ground and fell on top of each other.
Dash: I think I know where this is going.
Fallen: REALLY now.
"Owwww... You ok Scoot?" asked Apple Bloom in a daze. "Uggghhh... Yeah I'm ok AB." Scootaloo opended her eyes
Twilight: NO! Nopony makes that mistake by accident! This is a troll, it has to be!
only to find Apple Bloom on top of her. Both of them blushing like crazy, they said nothing for a while. "Oh.... sorry." Said AB. "No... it's cool." Said Scoot.
Rarity: Nothing about this scenario is cool. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Pinkie: Did you just say this was hot?
Rarity: I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!
"Ummm.... Maybe we should get off of each other." Said AB. "But... I..." "But... what Scootaloo?" "I.... I kinda... LIKE you on top of me." Scootaloo said now blushing harder then ever.
Fallen: Really? Scootaloo, enjoying being on the bottom?
Fluttershy: FALLEN!
"Oh.... well..." "Apple Bloom, I... never noticed how soft your mane is." Said Scootaloo running her hoof through Apple Bloom's soft mane.
AJ: Yeah, ya already mentioned the soft mane.
Dash: This is getting REALLY creepy.
"Scootaloo... I-" "Hey guys!" Apple Bloom was interupted by Sweetie Belle's voice. "Sorry I left, Rarity called me inside. But I brought us some Ice cream!" Sweetie said with happiness.
Pinkie: Is there really any better way to say something? Especially when it involves ice cream?
"Oh.... thats umm.... great Sweetie Belle..." Scootaloo said. "Yeah... great..."
Fallen: You’re just copying their dialogue from “Lesson Zero.” I feel like plagiarism is going to be a theme.
AB said. "I think I... hear Big Macintosh calling me to come back home. Bye guys." Said Apple bloom as she got off Scootaloo and ran home.
Twilight: Awkward.
Dash: You’d know plenty about that, wouldn’t you?
Twilight: Hey!
When Apple Bloom went to bed, she couldn't stop thinking about what Scootaloo said. She never felt this way before. It wasn't like brother and sister love, best friend love, or even love love! It was more like, she WANTED her.
Rarity: That would be lust, dear.
A feeling that she couldn't shake off. When she finally went to sleep, she had werid dreams of her and Scootaloo doing... things. Things she never saw but liked.
Pinkie: An underwater slumber party with baby seals?
She woke up in a cold sweat. She noticed that her vagina was a little wet and hot.
AJ: Ah can’t read this.
Fallen: Come on, Applejack. How bad could this be?
AJ: Readin’ about the sexuality of yer own kin? It ain’t right at all! How GOOD could it be!?
Fallen: ...touche.
She didn't know what to do. She never felt this way before. She didn't know if it was wrong or right.
All: WRONG!!!
She went to tell Applejack but she kept thinking about Scootaloo which made her even more wet and hot.
AJ: Okay, ah’ll admit the day will have to come when she does ask all the big questions, but it ain’t gonna happen like this!
Fluttershy: Can this just be over?
She had an idea. It probaly wouldn't stop the wetness, but it was worth a try. She placed her hoof on her vagina and started to rub.
AJ: GET IT AWAY!
It wasn't working. The wetness wouldn't stop. But, it felt so good she didn't stop. Then she thought more about Scootaloo.
Fluttershy: Who was this made for!?
Fallen: Pedophiles with peeing fetishes.
Fluttershy: I... WHAT!?
Fallen: I’m just giving you an honest answer! Oh, there’s pissing in the story, by the way.
"Oh... Scootaloo." Apple Bloom closed her eyes and pretended that it was Scootaloo doing these odd thing to her special place. "Oh.. Oh Scootaloo. Oh SCOOTALOO!" Apple Bloom screamed as she kept rubbing, harder and harder every minute.
Fallen: Every MINUTE? How long was she at it?
Twilight: I think the fact that you can joke about this is a point of concern.
"Scootaloo! This feels amazing! I.. feel something coming out of my body! I'm gonna, I'm-!" Apple Bloom then pissed all over her bed sheets.
Fallen: I can’t pretend to know how female ejaculation works, but I very much doubt it’s like that.
Dash: For the love of Celestia, SHUT UP!
"Oh no! AJ is gonna kill me!" Apple Bloom got worried. She didn't know what to do so she just thought she would sleep on the couch tonight.
AJ: Ah think ah’d know if my lil’ sis was wettin’ the bed. For ANY reason. And she ain’t. At all.
Rarity: You will need to allow some of this to slide if we’re to make it through this.
"APPLE BLOOM!" Screamed Apple Jack waking up AB. She knew that when Applejack screamed like that, she was mad.
Pinkie: What, was it her turn to sleep on the couch and Apple Bloom took it?
She leapt off the couch and ran where AJ was at. Her room. "Uhh.... yeah sis?" "What is this?" Applejack said as she pointed to the pee stain in her sister's bed sheet.
Twilight: “It’s... apple juice?”
"Oh umm... I had a nightmare last night and had an accident." Apple Bloom felt bad for lying but what else could she say?
Fallen: That you wet the bed. Plain and simple.
That she was rubbing off to the thought of Scootaloo?
Fluttershy: So wrong...
"Well why didn't you just say so sugarcube? I'll have these cleaned up by the time you get back from school." "Thanks sis." AB said as she left to get ready for school."
Twilight: That was meant to be spoken?
Dash: Not likely.
When she arrived at the school, she saw Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo waiting for her.
Dash: I’d say this is where Vinyl Scratch would call for an orgy, but I like to think she has standards.
Rarity: Keep telling yourself that, darling.
Scootaloo. "Hey AB! Ready to get our cutie marks today?!" Asked Sweetie Belle.
AJ: Ah’ve seen ‘em just hang out together to enjoy each other’s company. They ain’t one-trick ponies.
Apple Bloom didn't answer. She was to amazed at the sight of Scootaloo. Just looking at her made her hot and wet.
Rarity: (gasp) IN PUBLIC!?
Fallen: Calm down. You can freak out if she acts on it.
"You ok Apple Bloom? You look sick." Asked Scoot. "Oh yeah.. I'm fine." "Perfect! So how about Cutie mark crusaders painters? Or house makers? Oh! How about-?"
Fallen: Here’s what bothers me about the Crusaders. Do they think they can all get the same cutie mark from the same activity?
Fluttershy: I think they know they can’t. But they have so much fun playing together that they might as well try together, even if only one of them gets their cutie mark from doing it.
Fallen: Huh. That’s one way of looking at it.
Dash: What does that even have to do with the story?
Fallen: You’d really rather be reading the story right now?
Dash: Well, no, but-
Fallen: Then don’t complain.
Sweetie Belle went on. Of course, Apple bloom wasn't listening. She was gazing in Scootaloo's deep eyes.
Pinkie: Lucky there was a lifeguard in her eyes, because she could’ve drowned!
And Scootaloo was gazing at hers. She started to get even wetter and so was Scootaloo.
Twilight: Every literary bone in me is screaming in pain.
Dash: Cool it, egghead. We’ll never make it if you flip out over everything.
"Well we better get to class. Don't wanna be late." Said Sweetie Belle. She waited for Scootaloo and Apple Bloom to answer but they were to busy looking into each others eyes.
Pinkie: Think they’re lost in there?
"Weeeeeeelll.... I'm going... inside... see you both in class." Sweetie Belle said as she walked in the class. After a few more minutes of gazing, Scootaloo finally snaped
Fallen: Scootaloo killed Dumbledore!
out of her trance. "Oh... well... we should.. get to class." Said Scootaloo "Huh? Oh yeah.. let's... go" Said AB as she suddenly woke up from her trance.
AJ: How long’s it normally take for that hypnosis stuff to wear off?
Pinkie: FOOOOOOOOOREEEEEE-
Twilight: No.
The day took forever to end but it finally did. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were ready for some crusading, but Apple Bloom wasn't so excited.
Fallen: She seemed pretty damn excited earlier. (kicked in the head by AJ)
Instead, she went to Twilight's house to get a certain book. A book she knew Twilight wouldn't let her borrow. So she had to sneak and get it.
AJ: Ah TOLD her about goin’ for a ninja cutie mark! It ain’t worth the trouble, and it’ll never work!
She opened the door quitely
Pinkie: Hmmm, indeedly.
to see if anyone was home. Twilight wasn't home but Spike was.
Fallen: !
But he was sleeping in his bed so Apple Bloom didn't worry. She looked for the book, found it, grabbed it, and ran back to the barn.
Dash: This story’s going by way too fast.
Fallen: Whoa. I just heard those words from Rainbow Fucking Dash.
She went to her room to start reading. The tittle
Pinkie: PFFFFFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Fluttershy: It’s not that funny.
read, "The Feelings of a Filly".
Twilight: I remember reading that in my foalhood. Very informative. The Princess wasn’t happy I found it, but...
Apple Bloom looked in the table of contents for hotness and wetness.
AJ: Just in case all the boilin’ water leakin’ outta her wasn’t normal.
Fluttershy: This is your sister, Applejack!
AJ: Ah know, but ah’ve held back this long.
She found it on page 82 and read. It said that right about around when a young filly is about to get her cutie mark, they start to feel strange in there vagina.
Twilight: Yeah. That’s puberty.
Fallen: Or menstruation.
Rarity: I’m appalled at you, Fallen! Such vulgarity!
Fallen: Oh, how did you just start taking offense to me?
"Soo... These feeling are... normal?... wait... CUTIE MARK?!"
Dash: I don’t know about you guys, but me getting my cutie mark had nothing to do with me getting my sex drive.
Twilight: That’s not how it works anyway. Ponies tend to get their cutie marks around the time puberty sets in, but it’s not linked to it by any significant means.
The next day was a weekend so there was no school.
Fallen: Riveting.
Applejack went out of town with Rainbow Dash for some, 'quality frienship time alone'.
AJ and Dash: WHAT THE HAY!?
Big Macintosh was also out of town. One of his closest friends in Fillydilphea was sick and he had to leave right away.
Fluttershy: Big Macintosh has friends in Fillydelphia?
AJ: Probably. You wouldn’t know it from lookin’ at him, but he can be chatty with ponyfolk from outta town.
Granny Smith was going to be asleep all day. So Apple Bloom thought it was a good idea to invite Scootaloo over.
Fallen: Scootaloo + good idea = DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Scootaloo accepted and came right over. They both went in Apple Bloom's room. "Hey I'm glade
Fallen: Great, product placement.
Fluttershy: Maybe the rest of the story will smell nice.
you invited me over." Said Scootaloo happy as ever. "Yeah me too.... look Scootaloo I-" "I need to tell you something AB." Apple Bloom was interupted.
Rarity: Yes, we can see that.
"The other day, when we fell on each other, I... couldn't get you out of my mind. I.... WANTED you." Scootaloo said.
Dash: “But I looked it up, and it turns out slavery ISN’T legal in Equestria.”
"Really? Me too! I even touched myself to the thought of you." "Oh Apple Bloom! I'm so happy!" Scootaloo said as she hugged Apple Bloom.
Rarity: That is NOT how you’re supposed to respond when somepony tells you that you’re the subject of their intimate fantasies!
The feeling started to happend again. "Ummm.... AB?" "Yeah Scoot?" "You have such a beautiful mane."
Pinkie: Let’s let Sweetie Belle be the judge of that.
"Scootaloo... Can I.... can I touch you?" "Like how?" "Here I'll show ya." Apple Bloom said guiding Scootaloo all the way. She slowly put her hoof on Scootaloo's wet hot clit.
Fluttershy: NO!!
Fallen: Oh, this was not a good selection for her at all, Pinkie.
Pinkie: I kinda see that now.
Fallen: So are we going to stop?
Pinkie: Where’s the fun in that?
"Apple Bloom... that... that feels... strange..." Apple Bloom kept at it rubbing harder every second. She could see that Scootaloo was getting hotter and wetter, so she went harder.
Fluttershy: Please stop...
"Oh... Apple Bloom!" screamed Scootaloo. "I wanna try something." said Apple Bloom. She lowerd her face down on Scootaloo's amazing vagina
AJ: Uh, author? Ya might wanna get yerself checked out if you’re callin’ a filly’s nether regions amazing.
and started licking. "Apple Bloom... your tounge.. is inside me.. deeper please..." Begged Scootaloo. Apple Bloom stuck her tounge in and out making Scootaloo wetter by the minute.
Twilight: That’s how saliva’s supposed to work.
"Apple Bloom... I'm gonna pee... can I?" "Wait, I want us pee together.
Pinkie: I... I’m regretting this.
Rarity: It took you this long?
Can you make me feel good?" "Well... I'll try, if I can hold it."
Dash: “But if I can’t, where’s the bathroom?”
Apple Bloom laid on her back waiting for Scootaloo to have her way with her. Scootaloo licked Apple Bloom's clit up and down while rubbing herself.
Rarity: It’s rather unfulfilling if you have to take care of yourself while pleasuring your partner.
Fallen: Something tells me I should question how you know that...
Rarity: No. No you should not.
"Sco- Scootaloo, you feel amazing." Apple Bloom said. Scootaloo kept licking and licking getting Apple Bloom hotter by the minute.
Pinkie: Her tongue has a built-in heater?
"C'mon AB! I can't hold it anymore! I'm gonna pee!" "I'm almost there Scootaloo... here it comes... I'm... I'm!" Apple Bloom pissed in Scootaloo's face.
AJ: APPLE BLOOM!
Fluttershy: I can’t watch...
After that, Scootaloo couldn't take it anymore, she peeded.
Twilight: There’s no such word!
Dash: Wow. That’s your only complaint?
Twilight: I paid attention to almost NONE of what happened earlier, so yes.
They both did. The rested on the floor hot an sweaty. Feeling so good. Scootaloo looked at Apple Bloom's flank and shouted, "AB! Your flank!"
Fallen: I see that sentence, and I do not expect good things.
Apple Bloom looked down to see that a Apple flower cutie mark on her flank.
AJ: What’s that got to do with what she was just doin’?
Twilight: Well, metaphorically, I guess it could mean blossoming into marehood-
AJ: AH DIDN’T WANT AN ACTUAL ANSWER!
She was so happy but tired at the same time. Scootaloo also got her cutie mark. It was two lighting bolts crossing together.
Dash: And what does that have to do with anything?
Fallen: ...scissoring?
They were both so happy.
Twilight: SOMEPONY has to be.
"Hey... Apple Bloom?" "Yeah Scootaloo?" "Can we go again?" "You read my mind."
Fluttershy: No...
Fallen: Great job. She’s broken again.
Pinkie: We... should take a break.
Dash: Wait, Pinkie, why are you calling the break?
Fallen: Let her.
Pinkie: Everypony... I’m a little sorry about that last story.
Fallen: JUST the last story?
Rarity: Well... I forgive you, Pinkie Pie. I could never harbor any ill will towards you.
Fluttershy: I forgive you too. That story may have been... so very awful... but you were only trying to have fun.
Dash: This isn’t even the worst we’ve thrown at them, OR ourselves. You don’t need to apologize.
Pinkie: Not for that story, no, but I MAY need to for the next story.
Twilight: Seriously? After everything you’ve made me read with Author and Rarity, this is the story you have to apologize for?
Fallen: I guarantee you, I’ve seen far worse. What do we have? Crazy? Clop? Gore?
Pinkie: It’s a clopfic.
Fallen: See? Already tame compared to what I’ve seen. What could possibly be so bad in this story that you have to apologize for showing us?
Pinkie: ...foals.
AJ: ...can you say that again? ‘Cuz ah can’t have just heard you say there were foals - babies - in a clopfic.
Pinkie: No, I did. Pound and Pumpkin Cake.
Fluttershy: (faints)
Fallen: Fuck. FUCK. I know what story she’s talking about.
Rarity: I feel the need to question how.
Fallen: I’ve never READ it, but I’ve seen it around. “Pinkie Pie the filly molester.”
(Pinkie cringes upon hearing the title.)
Twilight: Oh, sweet princess, that’s AWFUL! Why would anypony ever make that!?
Fallen: As a trollfic. And it was. Asshole got banned from FIMFiction, and I don’t doubt that this fic was part of the reason.
Dash: But trollfics were made just to tick people off! Why would we even bother trying to riff something that exists as a joke?
Fallen: If I had to guess at Pinkie’s motivation... number one, because it’s a SICK joke, and number two, because it still deserves it. Besides, has it ever stopped us from doing trollfics before?
Dash: ...fine, you win. THIS time.
AJ: Might as well just get it over and done with. Should somepony wake up Fluttershy?
Pinkie: I’m just as happy letting her wake up on her own.
Fallen: Wow. One you’re not looking forward to. I think I’m terrified.
Pinkie: I’m sorry, I want to be super-excited like I am most of the time, but...
Fallen: No, no, I get it completely. It must be awful to see someone write you like this. But then... why did you still set it as one of the stories we’d riff?
Pinkie: I just... (sigh) I’ll tell you when we’re done.
Twilight: I’m not sure we should go through with this. I really don’t like seeing you like this, Pinkie.
Fluttershy: (waking up) Ow, I think I hit my head on the floor... Is the foal story over?
AJ: You’ve been doin’ that on purpose!?
Fluttershy: Um... well... possibly...
Twilight: I’m sorry to say this, but we never start without you. We wait until you wake up before we move on.
Fluttershy: I’m sorry, it’s just... I can’t take these stories anymore! And this one sounds like it’s the worst yet!
Pinkie: It is. It really is.
AJ: Look, Fluttershy, ah don’t like doin’ this any more than you do. But right now we don’t have a choice. We’re locked in here, Pinkie’s callin’ the shots, and it ain’t gonna stop just ‘cuz one of us can’t take it. It’s awful, ah know, but we’ve all gotta tough it out.
Dash: I know you don’t want to do this, but if it helps at all, just remember you’re not doing it alone. We’re all here with you, and we’ve all got your back.
Rarity: Please, Fluttershy? For all of us?
Fluttershy: ...okay. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!
AJ: Atta girl!
Pinkie: Well, now that everypony’s happy again...
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: JUST the last story?
Rarity: Well... I forgive you, Pinkie Pie. I could never harbor any ill will towards you.
Fluttershy: I forgive you too. That story may have been... so very awful... but you were only trying to have fun.
Dash: This isn’t even the worst we’ve thrown at them, OR ourselves. You don’t need to apologize.
Pinkie: Not for that story, no, but I MAY need to for the next story.
Twilight: Seriously? After everything you’ve made me read with Author and Rarity, this is the story you have to apologize for?
Fallen: I guarantee you, I’ve seen far worse. What do we have? Crazy? Clop? Gore?
Pinkie: It’s a clopfic.
Fallen: See? Already tame compared to what I’ve seen. What could possibly be so bad in this story that you have to apologize for showing us?
Pinkie: ...foals.
AJ: ...can you say that again? ‘Cuz ah can’t have just heard you say there were foals - babies - in a clopfic.
Pinkie: No, I did. Pound and Pumpkin Cake.
Fluttershy: (faints)
Fallen: Fuck. FUCK. I know what story she’s talking about.
Rarity: I feel the need to question how.
Fallen: I’ve never READ it, but I’ve seen it around. “Pinkie Pie the filly molester.”
(Pinkie cringes upon hearing the title.)
Twilight: Oh, sweet princess, that’s AWFUL! Why would anypony ever make that!?
Fallen: As a trollfic. And it was. Asshole got banned from FIMFiction, and I don’t doubt that this fic was part of the reason.
Dash: But trollfics were made just to tick people off! Why would we even bother trying to riff something that exists as a joke?
Fallen: If I had to guess at Pinkie’s motivation... number one, because it’s a SICK joke, and number two, because it still deserves it. Besides, has it ever stopped us from doing trollfics before?
Dash: ...fine, you win. THIS time.
AJ: Might as well just get it over and done with. Should somepony wake up Fluttershy?
Pinkie: I’m just as happy letting her wake up on her own.
Fallen: Wow. One you’re not looking forward to. I think I’m terrified.
Pinkie: I’m sorry, I want to be super-excited like I am most of the time, but...
Fallen: No, no, I get it completely. It must be awful to see someone write you like this. But then... why did you still set it as one of the stories we’d riff?
Pinkie: I just... (sigh) I’ll tell you when we’re done.
Twilight: I’m not sure we should go through with this. I really don’t like seeing you like this, Pinkie.
Fluttershy: (waking up) Ow, I think I hit my head on the floor... Is the foal story over?
AJ: You’ve been doin’ that on purpose!?
Fluttershy: Um... well... possibly...
Twilight: I’m sorry to say this, but we never start without you. We wait until you wake up before we move on.
Fluttershy: I’m sorry, it’s just... I can’t take these stories anymore! And this one sounds like it’s the worst yet!
Pinkie: It is. It really is.
AJ: Look, Fluttershy, ah don’t like doin’ this any more than you do. But right now we don’t have a choice. We’re locked in here, Pinkie’s callin’ the shots, and it ain’t gonna stop just ‘cuz one of us can’t take it. It’s awful, ah know, but we’ve all gotta tough it out.
Dash: I know you don’t want to do this, but if it helps at all, just remember you’re not doing it alone. We’re all here with you, and we’ve all got your back.
Rarity: Please, Fluttershy? For all of us?
Fluttershy: ...okay. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!
AJ: Atta girl!
Pinkie: Well, now that everypony’s happy again...
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Pinkie Pie herd Mrs. Cake yell "Pinkie! We’re leaving for a little while! Watch the kids for us!"
AJ: Tame enough start. This probably won’t be all that bad!
Fallen: Why would you ever say that?
As soon as Pinkie herd both parents leave the shop she snuck downstairs, put up the closed sign and made her way to the baby’s room.
Twilight: They have two.
Rarity: Perhaps one managed to escape with Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
She felt herself getting wetter as she approached her underage treasure, and as she opened the door her pussy was almost gushing fluids.
Fluttershy: I can’t do this...
Twilight: Come on. We’re all here suffering with you.
She made her way to the cribs and when she reached them she loomed over the children with a hungry look in her eyes.
Fallen: Suddenly Pinkie became Fat Bastard.
The babies’ coward in the corner of the crib, frightened as Pinkie was now licking her lips.
Dash: Ooooh, lip-licking! I’m so scared!
She leaned down and picked up Pumpkin Cake first, as she grabbed the baby unicorn it tried with all its might to break free from the sex-crazed mare, but she just couldn’t.
AJ: Does Pumpkin Cake have a gender or not?
Rarity: The world may never know.
Pinkie just giggled and laid the underage filly down on a purple bean-bag chair and removed her diaper.
Pinkie: See? Maybe I’m just changing her!
Fallen: You know that’s not where this is going.
Pinkie: I’m trying, okay?
As Pinkie removed the baby's diaper she noticed that it had a bounty of filly shit within it. She brought it up towards her nose and breathed in heavily, enjoying the erotic, delicious scent of baby feces.
Dash: That’s at least twenty kinds of gross.
Twilight: Thirty-nine. I counted.
She slowly brought it down to her mouth and began to lick the baby shit slowly, savoring the rich, delicate taste. She left a small amount of the moist, brown fecal matter in the diaper and lowered it towards her aching pussy, and began to smear the excrement all around her clit.
Fallen: I promised myself I’d never read this story. This is why.
Fluttershy: This is awful!
She moaned in ecstasy as the moist shit got smeared all around and inside her pussy. After the shit was completely removed from the diaper, she tossed it aside
Rarity: How wasteful. Surely it can be reused if cleaned out.
AJ: Ah’m not sure the straps can take reuse.
and shoved her vagina into the filly's face.
She then began to smear her candy vag
Twilight: I refuse to believe it looks or tastes anything like candy.
Pinkie: If you want, I-
Twilight: Right now the last thing I want in the world is for you to finish that sentence.
all around Pumpkin’s underage face, moaning at the pleasure of her juicy cunt making contact with the filly’s tender face. Pumpkin began to cry because the vaginal fluids burned her eyes and nose, and got in her mouth, tasting horrid.
Dash: Guess she doesn’t like candy.
At first Pinkie considered stopping because the crying depressed her,
Fallen: The entire story depresses me.
but then the tears began dripping into her pink pleasure hole causing her immense sexual satisfaction.
Pinkie: Can I just take the time to remind everypony that I’m not like this at all?
Fluttershy: Hold me...
She began rubbing her snatch around faster, faster and pushing upon the filly’s face harder, and harder until with a loud, sensual moan she came, gushing fluids all over the young one's face.
AJ: At least she ain’t peein’ this time around.
Rarity: There’s always that silver lining.
Pinkie dismounted her prepubescent victim's face and began to lick the vaginal fluids off Pumpkin’s face. After Pinkie was done savoring the taste of her own love juices.
Twilight: Why does the sentence just end there?
She stuck her tongue down deeply into Pumpkin’s mouth in a passionate kiss.
Pinkie: Ha! See? I DO love them!
Rarity: Please stop saying that until this is over. No offense to you, but considering the context of the story, it’s the last thing I want to hear.
Pinkie: But-
Rarity: PLEASE.
The baby choked on Pinky’s tongue but the Pink mare didn't let up exploring the filly’s young, tender mouth, savoring the taste of baby saliva. She accidently hit the baby's uvula
Fallen: I read that as “vulva” and became terrified of just how much tongue Pinkie was putting into it.
and pulled out just in time
Fallen: That didn’t help at all.
as Pumpkin sprayed a warm, chunky, smelly, and green mixture out of her mouth.
Pinkie was delighted and said "Looks like it's time for some dessert!" in a seductive tone and began slurping the vomit up eagerly.
Dash: Is it wrong to want “Sweet Apple Massacre” back?
Fallen: No, I feel for you.
After she was finished she took out her chloroform soaked rag and used it to put the child into a deep sleep. She then took her back to the crib and removed Pound Cake.
AJ: Well, it’s straight now.
Fluttershy: That’s not helpful...
She set the baby down, removed his (Unfortunately clean) diapers and started to run her tongue around his baby sized horse dick.
Fallen: Welp. Here’s the point I start zoning out for most of the rest of the story. Have fun, ladies!
Rarity: Don’t you dare! I’ve experimented slightly with human dresses, and I will make you wear them if you try to opt out.
Fallen: Fine, whatever, I’ll keep going.
Soon the young colt got a small, yet hard erection and Pinkie found herself growing wetter by the minute. She then aligned her love tunnel with his infant cock and began smearing it around
Fallen: Is his dick even solid matter?
Twilight: Why are you even questioning-
Fallen: Because the story’s agonizing and I’m getting desperate for material.
whilst moaning loudly. She ran her snatch all along his crotch, making sure her clit was hitting against his small dick.
Dash: Nope. I can’t. My ability to can just died.
Pound started to cry as he had never felt this forced pleasure before and it scarred him. Pinkie dismounted and began to masturbate while licking the baby boy's tears right off his face.
AJ: Ah hate bein’ here.
She nearly had an orgasm from the touch of her own hoof mixing with the sweet taste of Pond's tears
Fallen: DON’T YOU TAKE THE NAME OF AMY POND IN VAIN!
but luckily, managed to stop in time.
Pinkie: Crisis averted, everypony!
AJ: This story’s a crisis, and it ain’t averted just yet.
She then began to rub her vag upon his infant meat stick again and soon found herself Cumming hard. She screamed in ecstasy as her cunt sauce poured out of her snatch all over the baby's cock.
Twilight: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that- (touches hoof to lower eyelid) Yeah, my eyes are bleeding.
She turned around and noticed a thin, minuscule amount of semen dripping from the baby's dick, and without hesitation she began to lick it up intently.
Pinkie: Can’t leave a mess, now can we?
Dash: You’re trying WAY too hard, Pinkie.
Pinkie: I’m sorry, it’s just-
Dash: I know, I know, the story. But still, you’re usually a lot better at this.
She then pulled away and got a brilliant idea; she woke Pumpkin up, grabbed her, and forcefully positioned the brother and sister into sexual poses together while she took pictures.
Fluttershy: NO!!!
Fallen: This is... this is just the worst kind of worst kind.
She thought of everything. She rammed Pound's baby horse cock into Pumpkin’s infant pussy. She forced them into a sixty nine position while she licked at pound's ass hole.
Fallen: Aristocrats joke waiting to happen. All of it.
She took a carrot and shoved one end into Pumpkin’s vag and the other into Pounds anus (causing it bleed which she then lapped up with her tongue).
Twilight: Can I get a napkin or tissue or something? I don’t know how much blood I’m losing, but it feels like a lot.
She also took videos of herself rubbing Pound's face into her vagina while she rubbed Pumpkin’s face into her rectum,
Rarity: I’m not certain if it’s because every other story I’ve read has desensitized me, but all I can wonder is how she’s holding the camera like that.
and another where she spread Pumpkin's pussy lips wide open and inserted her tongue in it as deep as it would go she liked that one so much that she repeated it with Pumpkin and Pound's rectums also.
AJ: Ah’m a bit scared that this can exist. And ah don’t get scared often.
She would've stopped after the video but Pinkie was lost in the pleasure of the moment. In her sex endued molestation spree she took each of the babies’ bottles, shit into it, and then added baby formula.
Fluttershy: I can taste that just reading it... it’s terrible...
She then proceeded to force feed it to the infants while she had the video tape rolling. After both bottles were down half way she stopped, mixed them together, and gulped it down hungrily.
Pinkie: Waste not, want not...? Why is this so HARD?
AJ: Sorry, sugarcube, but ya might wanna give it a rest. Looks like we’re almost done, so it won’t be long ‘til you can start up again.
Pinkie: But I-
AJ: Go on now. You’re the one runnin’ this. You should have the option to back out if you’re not feelin’ up to it.
Pinkie: ...fine. (slinks away, mane deflating)
Pinkie had never felt better, she began to take the baby toys and use them in very creative ways, such as using the pacifier as a butt bead as she used the rattle as a dildo, and shoving the crayons up her ass only to force them back out and lick them clean.
Fluttershy: Is it almost over?
Fallen: Home stretch. Come on, we’re strong. We can make it.
After this Pinkie felt the need to relieve herself, so she positioned herself up above Pound's face and let a thick, rich, brown stream of diarrhea out onto his infant face.
Rarity: I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Dash: Ugh... you’re lucky you kept it in...
She then did the same onto pumpkin's face, only with her urine this time.
AJ: Aw, hayseed, it’s still there.
She then looked at the time and remembered the Cakes would be home any minute, so she cleaned up the babies, rocked them to sleep, and fixed everything up the way it was before the Cakes left.
Twilight: That must have taken ages, considering everything that happened.
As the Cakes walked in the door Pinkie looked at the two babies, now sleeping peacefully in their crib and whispered "Good night my little angels, I always enjoy our little play dates."
Fluttershy: I don’t...
END
All: BREAK.
AJ: Tame enough start. This probably won’t be all that bad!
Fallen: Why would you ever say that?
As soon as Pinkie herd both parents leave the shop she snuck downstairs, put up the closed sign and made her way to the baby’s room.
Twilight: They have two.
Rarity: Perhaps one managed to escape with Mr. and Mrs. Cake.
She felt herself getting wetter as she approached her underage treasure, and as she opened the door her pussy was almost gushing fluids.
Fluttershy: I can’t do this...
Twilight: Come on. We’re all here suffering with you.
She made her way to the cribs and when she reached them she loomed over the children with a hungry look in her eyes.
Fallen: Suddenly Pinkie became Fat Bastard.
The babies’ coward in the corner of the crib, frightened as Pinkie was now licking her lips.
Dash: Ooooh, lip-licking! I’m so scared!
She leaned down and picked up Pumpkin Cake first, as she grabbed the baby unicorn it tried with all its might to break free from the sex-crazed mare, but she just couldn’t.
AJ: Does Pumpkin Cake have a gender or not?
Rarity: The world may never know.
Pinkie just giggled and laid the underage filly down on a purple bean-bag chair and removed her diaper.
Pinkie: See? Maybe I’m just changing her!
Fallen: You know that’s not where this is going.
Pinkie: I’m trying, okay?
As Pinkie removed the baby's diaper she noticed that it had a bounty of filly shit within it. She brought it up towards her nose and breathed in heavily, enjoying the erotic, delicious scent of baby feces.
Dash: That’s at least twenty kinds of gross.
Twilight: Thirty-nine. I counted.
She slowly brought it down to her mouth and began to lick the baby shit slowly, savoring the rich, delicate taste. She left a small amount of the moist, brown fecal matter in the diaper and lowered it towards her aching pussy, and began to smear the excrement all around her clit.
Fallen: I promised myself I’d never read this story. This is why.
Fluttershy: This is awful!
She moaned in ecstasy as the moist shit got smeared all around and inside her pussy. After the shit was completely removed from the diaper, she tossed it aside
Rarity: How wasteful. Surely it can be reused if cleaned out.
AJ: Ah’m not sure the straps can take reuse.
and shoved her vagina into the filly's face.
She then began to smear her candy vag
Twilight: I refuse to believe it looks or tastes anything like candy.
Pinkie: If you want, I-
Twilight: Right now the last thing I want in the world is for you to finish that sentence.
all around Pumpkin’s underage face, moaning at the pleasure of her juicy cunt making contact with the filly’s tender face. Pumpkin began to cry because the vaginal fluids burned her eyes and nose, and got in her mouth, tasting horrid.
Dash: Guess she doesn’t like candy.
At first Pinkie considered stopping because the crying depressed her,
Fallen: The entire story depresses me.
but then the tears began dripping into her pink pleasure hole causing her immense sexual satisfaction.
Pinkie: Can I just take the time to remind everypony that I’m not like this at all?
Fluttershy: Hold me...
She began rubbing her snatch around faster, faster and pushing upon the filly’s face harder, and harder until with a loud, sensual moan she came, gushing fluids all over the young one's face.
AJ: At least she ain’t peein’ this time around.
Rarity: There’s always that silver lining.
Pinkie dismounted her prepubescent victim's face and began to lick the vaginal fluids off Pumpkin’s face. After Pinkie was done savoring the taste of her own love juices.
Twilight: Why does the sentence just end there?
She stuck her tongue down deeply into Pumpkin’s mouth in a passionate kiss.
Pinkie: Ha! See? I DO love them!
Rarity: Please stop saying that until this is over. No offense to you, but considering the context of the story, it’s the last thing I want to hear.
Pinkie: But-
Rarity: PLEASE.
The baby choked on Pinky’s tongue but the Pink mare didn't let up exploring the filly’s young, tender mouth, savoring the taste of baby saliva. She accidently hit the baby's uvula
Fallen: I read that as “vulva” and became terrified of just how much tongue Pinkie was putting into it.
and pulled out just in time
Fallen: That didn’t help at all.
as Pumpkin sprayed a warm, chunky, smelly, and green mixture out of her mouth.
Pinkie was delighted and said "Looks like it's time for some dessert!" in a seductive tone and began slurping the vomit up eagerly.
Dash: Is it wrong to want “Sweet Apple Massacre” back?
Fallen: No, I feel for you.
After she was finished she took out her chloroform soaked rag and used it to put the child into a deep sleep. She then took her back to the crib and removed Pound Cake.
AJ: Well, it’s straight now.
Fluttershy: That’s not helpful...
She set the baby down, removed his (Unfortunately clean) diapers and started to run her tongue around his baby sized horse dick.
Fallen: Welp. Here’s the point I start zoning out for most of the rest of the story. Have fun, ladies!
Rarity: Don’t you dare! I’ve experimented slightly with human dresses, and I will make you wear them if you try to opt out.
Fallen: Fine, whatever, I’ll keep going.
Soon the young colt got a small, yet hard erection and Pinkie found herself growing wetter by the minute. She then aligned her love tunnel with his infant cock and began smearing it around
Fallen: Is his dick even solid matter?
Twilight: Why are you even questioning-
Fallen: Because the story’s agonizing and I’m getting desperate for material.
whilst moaning loudly. She ran her snatch all along his crotch, making sure her clit was hitting against his small dick.
Dash: Nope. I can’t. My ability to can just died.
Pound started to cry as he had never felt this forced pleasure before and it scarred him. Pinkie dismounted and began to masturbate while licking the baby boy's tears right off his face.
AJ: Ah hate bein’ here.
She nearly had an orgasm from the touch of her own hoof mixing with the sweet taste of Pond's tears
Fallen: DON’T YOU TAKE THE NAME OF AMY POND IN VAIN!
but luckily, managed to stop in time.
Pinkie: Crisis averted, everypony!
AJ: This story’s a crisis, and it ain’t averted just yet.
She then began to rub her vag upon his infant meat stick again and soon found herself Cumming hard. She screamed in ecstasy as her cunt sauce poured out of her snatch all over the baby's cock.
Twilight: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that- (touches hoof to lower eyelid) Yeah, my eyes are bleeding.
She turned around and noticed a thin, minuscule amount of semen dripping from the baby's dick, and without hesitation she began to lick it up intently.
Pinkie: Can’t leave a mess, now can we?
Dash: You’re trying WAY too hard, Pinkie.
Pinkie: I’m sorry, it’s just-
Dash: I know, I know, the story. But still, you’re usually a lot better at this.
She then pulled away and got a brilliant idea; she woke Pumpkin up, grabbed her, and forcefully positioned the brother and sister into sexual poses together while she took pictures.
Fluttershy: NO!!!
Fallen: This is... this is just the worst kind of worst kind.
She thought of everything. She rammed Pound's baby horse cock into Pumpkin’s infant pussy. She forced them into a sixty nine position while she licked at pound's ass hole.
Fallen: Aristocrats joke waiting to happen. All of it.
She took a carrot and shoved one end into Pumpkin’s vag and the other into Pounds anus (causing it bleed which she then lapped up with her tongue).
Twilight: Can I get a napkin or tissue or something? I don’t know how much blood I’m losing, but it feels like a lot.
She also took videos of herself rubbing Pound's face into her vagina while she rubbed Pumpkin’s face into her rectum,
Rarity: I’m not certain if it’s because every other story I’ve read has desensitized me, but all I can wonder is how she’s holding the camera like that.
and another where she spread Pumpkin's pussy lips wide open and inserted her tongue in it as deep as it would go she liked that one so much that she repeated it with Pumpkin and Pound's rectums also.
AJ: Ah’m a bit scared that this can exist. And ah don’t get scared often.
She would've stopped after the video but Pinkie was lost in the pleasure of the moment. In her sex endued molestation spree she took each of the babies’ bottles, shit into it, and then added baby formula.
Fluttershy: I can taste that just reading it... it’s terrible...
She then proceeded to force feed it to the infants while she had the video tape rolling. After both bottles were down half way she stopped, mixed them together, and gulped it down hungrily.
Pinkie: Waste not, want not...? Why is this so HARD?
AJ: Sorry, sugarcube, but ya might wanna give it a rest. Looks like we’re almost done, so it won’t be long ‘til you can start up again.
Pinkie: But I-
AJ: Go on now. You’re the one runnin’ this. You should have the option to back out if you’re not feelin’ up to it.
Pinkie: ...fine. (slinks away, mane deflating)
Pinkie had never felt better, she began to take the baby toys and use them in very creative ways, such as using the pacifier as a butt bead as she used the rattle as a dildo, and shoving the crayons up her ass only to force them back out and lick them clean.
Fluttershy: Is it almost over?
Fallen: Home stretch. Come on, we’re strong. We can make it.
After this Pinkie felt the need to relieve herself, so she positioned herself up above Pound's face and let a thick, rich, brown stream of diarrhea out onto his infant face.
Rarity: I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Dash: Ugh... you’re lucky you kept it in...
She then did the same onto pumpkin's face, only with her urine this time.
AJ: Aw, hayseed, it’s still there.
She then looked at the time and remembered the Cakes would be home any minute, so she cleaned up the babies, rocked them to sleep, and fixed everything up the way it was before the Cakes left.
Twilight: That must have taken ages, considering everything that happened.
As the Cakes walked in the door Pinkie looked at the two babies, now sleeping peacefully in their crib and whispered "Good night my little angels, I always enjoy our little play dates."
Fluttershy: I don’t...
END
All: BREAK.
Fallen: I think I have a new standard to hold bad fics to. I actually hated that a lot more than “Sweet Apple Massacre.”
Twilight: You were meant to. It was a trollfic.
Fallen: And that was exactly the reaction he must’ve wanted. So he was an EVILLY EFFECTIVE troll.
Dash: My favorite part was the part where it ended.
Fluttershy: I agree with Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: Good, that was mine too.
AJ: And at least it was short.
Fallen: True. Wait, where’s-
Rarity: Pinkie Pie? I haven’t the slightest idea.
(Right on cue, a sniffle is heard from the opposite end of the armory.)
Fallen: Oh, that’s an awful sign. We need to do something.
Twilight: Pinkie, could you come back here?
(At her request, Pinkamena Diane Pie walks over to the group in all her dull-coated, straight-maned glory.)
Pinkamena Diane Pie: What do you want?
Fallen: First and foremost, an explanation for why you’re acting like this.
Pinkamena: You wanna know? You REALLY wanna know?
Dash: He wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t, so yeah, out with it!
Pinkamena: It’s because of YOU. All of you.
AJ: Whoa there, Pinkie. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves-
Pinkamena: SHUT UP! All I wanted to do was read an awful story. One I could barely stand on my own, one I’d need my friends with me to get through. I just wanted - NEEDED - my friends around so I wouldn’t have to suffer alone.
Rarity: And last I checked, that’s exactly what-
Pinkamena: BUT THEN! We actually started. I tried to make jokes with everypony else. I was shaken already by the story, but I still tried. But everypony kept telling me to stop, kept telling me to LEAVE! All because I was trying to HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOU!!
Fallen: Oh. Right. That. Oops.
Pinkamena: All you can say is “Oops?” All that, and that’s all you can say!? Well, some friend you turned out to be!
Twilight: WHOA! There was no need for that!
Fluttershy: Pinkie Pie, please, settle down. You’re getting too stressed out over all of this.
Pinkamena: Oh, really! PROVE IT!
Fluttershy: Well... um...
Pinkamena: EXACTLY!
Dash: Okay, you need to cool it NOW. The fact that you just yelled at Fluttershy tells me you’re WAY out of it.
Pinkamena: I just- But-
Twilight: Please, just calm down and let us talk.
Pinkamena: Alright. Fine. What do you want?
Fluttershy: Pinkie, I think they were only trying to get you away from the story because of the way it was affecting you. The story was just awful for you, and you were only hurting yourself as much as you were hurting us. In fact, it looked like it was hurting you more. I don’t like seeing you like this, nopony does, but I don’t think any of us wanted to see you suffer any more than you already had.
Pinkamena: But... I WANTED to read it. I WANTED to joke about it.
AJ: Ah know, and ah’m sorry. Yeah, my suggestion went against what ya wanted to do. But ah’m not too sure it WAS what ya wanted to do. Y’all were sufferin’ more than any of us, and it showed in everything ya said. You’re acting like we were pushin’ you away, but we were only tryin’ to help.
Pinkamena: ...so you weren’t trying to get rid of me?
Dash: We could never do that!
Pinkamena: You don’t hate my riffs?
Rarity: Quite the contrary. You’re doing a much better job than Fallen.
Fallen: Fuck you too, Rarity.
Rarity: At least I can understand her jokes.
Pinkamena: You all still want to be my friends?
Twilight: Forever.
(Pinkie instantly perks up, her mane poofing back up and her coat regaining its vibrant color.)
Pinkie: Oh, thank you thank you THANK YOU! (grabs everypony for group hug) I’m so happy I have all of you as my friends!
Twilight: I don’t know what we’d do without you, Pinkie. It’s good to have you back.
Fallen: So... does this mean we’re off the hook?
Pinkie: Nope! Now we’re doing “thIsstOrywIllmAkEyOUsAy“WAT!?”!”
All but Pinkie: WHAT!?
Fallen: What the hell is that even supposed to be?
Pinkie: Complete nonsense! Your favorite, Primey!
Fallen: Oh. Um... thanks?
Pinkie: You’re welcome! I wanted to save it for later, but you guys were so nice to me that I’ll just give it to you now!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Twilight: You were meant to. It was a trollfic.
Fallen: And that was exactly the reaction he must’ve wanted. So he was an EVILLY EFFECTIVE troll.
Dash: My favorite part was the part where it ended.
Fluttershy: I agree with Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: Good, that was mine too.
AJ: And at least it was short.
Fallen: True. Wait, where’s-
Rarity: Pinkie Pie? I haven’t the slightest idea.
(Right on cue, a sniffle is heard from the opposite end of the armory.)
Fallen: Oh, that’s an awful sign. We need to do something.
Twilight: Pinkie, could you come back here?
(At her request, Pinkamena Diane Pie walks over to the group in all her dull-coated, straight-maned glory.)
Pinkamena Diane Pie: What do you want?
Fallen: First and foremost, an explanation for why you’re acting like this.
Pinkamena: You wanna know? You REALLY wanna know?
Dash: He wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t, so yeah, out with it!
Pinkamena: It’s because of YOU. All of you.
AJ: Whoa there, Pinkie. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves-
Pinkamena: SHUT UP! All I wanted to do was read an awful story. One I could barely stand on my own, one I’d need my friends with me to get through. I just wanted - NEEDED - my friends around so I wouldn’t have to suffer alone.
Rarity: And last I checked, that’s exactly what-
Pinkamena: BUT THEN! We actually started. I tried to make jokes with everypony else. I was shaken already by the story, but I still tried. But everypony kept telling me to stop, kept telling me to LEAVE! All because I was trying to HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOU!!
Fallen: Oh. Right. That. Oops.
Pinkamena: All you can say is “Oops?” All that, and that’s all you can say!? Well, some friend you turned out to be!
Twilight: WHOA! There was no need for that!
Fluttershy: Pinkie Pie, please, settle down. You’re getting too stressed out over all of this.
Pinkamena: Oh, really! PROVE IT!
Fluttershy: Well... um...
Pinkamena: EXACTLY!
Dash: Okay, you need to cool it NOW. The fact that you just yelled at Fluttershy tells me you’re WAY out of it.
Pinkamena: I just- But-
Twilight: Please, just calm down and let us talk.
Pinkamena: Alright. Fine. What do you want?
Fluttershy: Pinkie, I think they were only trying to get you away from the story because of the way it was affecting you. The story was just awful for you, and you were only hurting yourself as much as you were hurting us. In fact, it looked like it was hurting you more. I don’t like seeing you like this, nopony does, but I don’t think any of us wanted to see you suffer any more than you already had.
Pinkamena: But... I WANTED to read it. I WANTED to joke about it.
AJ: Ah know, and ah’m sorry. Yeah, my suggestion went against what ya wanted to do. But ah’m not too sure it WAS what ya wanted to do. Y’all were sufferin’ more than any of us, and it showed in everything ya said. You’re acting like we were pushin’ you away, but we were only tryin’ to help.
Pinkamena: ...so you weren’t trying to get rid of me?
Dash: We could never do that!
Pinkamena: You don’t hate my riffs?
Rarity: Quite the contrary. You’re doing a much better job than Fallen.
Fallen: Fuck you too, Rarity.
Rarity: At least I can understand her jokes.
Pinkamena: You all still want to be my friends?
Twilight: Forever.
(Pinkie instantly perks up, her mane poofing back up and her coat regaining its vibrant color.)
Pinkie: Oh, thank you thank you THANK YOU! (grabs everypony for group hug) I’m so happy I have all of you as my friends!
Twilight: I don’t know what we’d do without you, Pinkie. It’s good to have you back.
Fallen: So... does this mean we’re off the hook?
Pinkie: Nope! Now we’re doing “thIsstOrywIllmAkEyOUsAy“WAT!?”!”
All but Pinkie: WHAT!?
Fallen: What the hell is that even supposed to be?
Pinkie: Complete nonsense! Your favorite, Primey!
Fallen: Oh. Um... thanks?
Pinkie: You’re welcome! I wanted to save it for later, but you guys were so nice to me that I’ll just give it to you now!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
The ropes were too tight.
Fallen: Oh, THAT’S always a good start.
The kaleidoscopic mane, now invaded by the brackish mud of which the pegasus was submerged in, crippled her vision along with her own creations of which blocked off Luna’s luminescent orb. The panicked mare struggled onto her back, receiving no avail from the practically frictionless ooze.
Twilight: I can see the story trying to be intelligent, but at the cost of its grammar.
Rarity: I can hardly even tell what’s supposed to be happening.
Twilight: Well, that may not actually be the grammar’s fault.
*CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP*
Pinkie: HEY! You’re not rated Mature, story! Keep it clean!
The hoovesteps
Twilight: Ow.
that leisurely drew closer to the defenseless equine made her heart skip a beat with each…
*CLOP* *CLOP*
AJ: C’mon, story. Nopony wants to see that.
As a silhouetted figure came into the hysterical filly’s line of sight, she gave out a brief yelp. The pegasus, now adjusted onto her back began flailing about, attempting to somehow break free of the harnesses that constricted her wings.
Dash: Oh no. Did we put in another “Cupcakes” ripoff?
Fluttershy: I don’t know, but I hope not.
A sweet, yet psychotic, giggle sent shivers down the winded pony’s flank. The victimized mare’s attempt to pull a Horsey Houdini
Fallen: Why does EVERYTHING in your world have to be a pun based on something in mine?
Pinkie: Because of the reason!
Fallen: Hey, that’s my line!
and escape from her bindings turned futile as the stalking shadow trotted near enough for the pegasus to lick her hoof.
Fallen: Is that an actual fetish for ponies?
AJ: Ah wouldn’t be surprised.
“Dashie,” the menacing character nonchalantly began. “Why’d you leave the party so early?” Her voice, her composure, her pacing! It was also so… relaxed. “I didn’t even get to finish your last leg!”
Fluttershy: “If you could please keep still, I can finish this portrait!”
Rainbow Dash, unable to angle her face to see her legs, could only adjust one leg without a burst of agony coursing her body.
Rarity: Which leg? DETAILS!
What happened to me? The victim mare pondered, incapable to recall any events before her little smooching session with Mr. Mud.
Dash: That sounds so romantic.
The rain previous downpour
Twilight: Why can’t these stories ever be written with halfway decent grammar? EVER?
Fluttershy: Actually, the last few stories weren’t awful in that respect.
Twilight: They weren’t good in ANY respect.
devolved into a drizzle as the clouds gradually thinned. “Aww!” The intimidating figure depressingly groaned, realizing the shift of the weather. “The party’s ending!? We didn’t even get to play pin-the-tail-on-the-pony yet…”
Fallen: Considering where the story seems to be going, that doesn’t sound too pleasant.
The hyperventilating flier remained motionless at the hoof of her offender. That voice… Whose was it?
Pinkie: Heehee! Isn’t it obvious?
Rainbow Dash thought. Maybe if I tried breaking these ropes again… Contrary to her inner voice, she laid still, her muscles unable to function. Dash felt herself fading out of her body; finding herself only able to see, her body became a quiescent ragdoll.
Dash: I have no idea what that means. And I don’t WANT to, so don’t tell me.
Slapping an overzealous grin on their face, the perpetrator spoke. “I got a wonderful new idea! You know how I was bummed ‘cause we didn’t play pin-the-tail-on-the-pony which is like the funnest most amazingly spectacularspendous game in world?
Rarity: That may be a bit excessive, even for Pinkie Pie.
Well I came up with an even more funtastic superific EXTRA FANTABULOUS new game we could play! Wanna know what it is, Dashie!? Doyoudoyoudoyou!?” The chipper pony stared into the eyes of the multicolored mare, awaiting a response. Rainbow Dash over quivered.
Twilight: Is there a limit to how much you’re supposed to quiver?
“Oh, Dashie,” the giddy character laughed. “I wasn’t talking about the quiet game!” The laughter vigorously continued until concluding with a brief snort. “The game I was thinking of was… pin-the-pony-under-the-boulder!”
Fluttershy: Oh my... that sounds painful.
Rainbow Dash, currently gazing at a massive rock the size of a cloud she would usually rest upon, felt her stomach drop. When the hay did that boulder get there! Has it been there this whole time…?
AJ: Looks like Tom’s doin’ alright for himself, Rare.
Rarity: Why does nopony respect my wishes to never speak of that again?
The wounded pegasus’ thoughts ceased as the bubbly figure prepared to launch the boulder into the air. “Here it comes, Dashie,” the shadow exclaimed, only using her nose to fling the colossal stone above the speedster pony.
Rainbow Dash, cringing as the rock dive-bombed towards her, shouted “PINKIE NO!” And then…
Pinkie: And then Dashie was a zombie!
Fallen: “No, Rainbow. You are the demons.”
~~~~~
*PLOP*
AJ: Ah’m takin’ up the whole couch and nopony can stop me!
Rainbow Dash's eyelids rocketed open as she hyperventilated. The refreshing feels of air flowing into her lungs gave Rainbow Dash the common sense to realize that it was just a dream.
Fluttershy: Oh, thank goodness!
Twilight: “Thank goodness?” That’s one of the biggest literary cop-outs ever!
Rainbow Dash began to collect her bearings by taking in her surroundings. She saw that she had been asleep on a lone cloud, and recalled taking a nap there proceeding her afternoon flight. Rainbow Dash also found a newspaper on her stomach.
Dash: I’ve actually woken up to a newspaper on my stomach a few times.
She looked up to discover Derpy floating above her.
"Darn it!" Derpy scolded herself as she watched Rainbow Dash.
"Did you drop something, Derpy?"
Fallen: “Nothing on you, but I was trying to help somepony move earlier today...”
"Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"No biggie," Rainbow Dash said causally, while on the inside, Rainbow Dash was thanking Derpy to no ends from waking her from her terrifying slumber.
Rarity: At one moment she was awake, and then... SHE WASN’T! OH, THE HORROR!
"I'm also sorry for waking you from your dream Rainbow Dash!"
"You already said that?"
AJ: That was a question?
Fallen: This is a story?
"Well yes, but I'm sorry if somepony had been viewing your dream and was expecting something macabre or scary to ensue, but was let down by the whole situation being a dream, and then quit viewing because I woke you up."
Pinkie: I’m teaching her how to do that.
Fallen: Pinkie... just... WHY?
"What in Equestria are you talking about, Derpy!?"
"Bye Rainbow Dash!"
Dash: But she didn’t-
Twilight: And she won’t.
As Derpy flew away, Rainbow Dash decided to shake off the curiosity of what Derpy had said because Derpy said a lot of weird thing.
Fluttershy: That doesn’t sound like a lot.
Pinkie: See? Even the story’s saying a lot of weird thing now!
Dash looked at her hoof to check the time,
Fallen: “Oh goodness, look at my wrist, I gotta go!”
but she wasn't wearing her portable sundial, so she couldn't.
Rainbow Dash needed to check the time because she had promised to help Pinkie Pie bake cupcakes at three o'clock.
AJ: After that dream, ya still wanna go for it?
Dash: Please. I wouldn’t let some lousy dream get in the way of a promise.
She raced to the nearest building to find a clock she could read from. When she entered the closest building, she was saddened by the sight of it already being three o'clock.
"Oh no! I'm going to be late!"
Fallen: How convenient would it be if the building were actually Sugarcu-
"Hey Dashie! You're right on time!"
The pegasus faced where the voice was coming from and saw Pinkie Pie standing there. Upon further inspection, Rainbow Dash realized that her cloud had been right above Sugarcube Corner.
Fallen: How do stories keep doing that!?
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie trotted into the kitchen to begin baking. "So what should we do first Pinkie?"
Pinkie: Bobbing for apples? Conga line? OOH! OOH! PIN THE TAIL ON THE PONY!
"Well actually Rainbow Dash, I already baked the cupcakes. I just needed you to taste them for me."
Rainbow Dash suddenly flashed back to dreams she had had before, including the one that just happened, where they always started with a cupcake and ended in death.
AJ: What’s that ya said before, Rainbow?
Dash: Can it, AJ.
"NONONONONONONONONO!" Rainbow Dash kept repeating this, distancing herself from her pink friend as much as possible in the kitchen.
Rarity: I don’t recall ever being inside Pinkie’s kitchen, but given her other impossibilities, I would not be surprised if it were deceptively enormous and gave Rainbow PLENTY of room to back away.
Fallen: Bigger on the inside?
Rarity: Something like that, yes.
"What's wrong, Dashie!?" Pinkie Pie asked, concerned. "If you didn't want to eat my cupcakes, you could have just lied and said you had already eaten!" Pinkie Pie leaned her head back, opened up her mouth, and dropped the cupcake in it, devouring the pastry in one bite.
"Wait... That cupcake wasn't drugged or poisoned or something?"
Pinkie: “It was! I developed an immunity to the drug, and it’s delicious!”
"No silly! Why would I put drugs or poison in the cupcakes? The recipe doesn't call for them.. Or do they?"
Fluttershy: Why would that be an actual recipe?
Pinkie: Maybe somepony has medicine they need to take every morning, and what better way than by cooking it into a cupcake?
Rainbow Dash moved toward Pinkie, as the party pony wrote out the ingredients list in her head. "Yep there were definitely no drugs or poison, but there was a little bit of something.
Twilight: Pony meat?
Why were you so worked up over it in the first place, Dashie?"
"I'm not really sure... Recently I have been having some odd dreams."
Fallen: “I don’t know WHAT’S in those sleeping pills...”
"What do you mean by odd?"
"Like dreams where, for some reason, you try to kill me by drugging me with cupcakes."
Twilight: The cupcakes weren’t the cause of death. In any of them.
AJ: It’d be a mite shorter if it DID end on the drugged cupcake.
Pinkie Pie began to whimper. "Why would you only have bad dreams about me, Dashie?"
Fallen: “It’s not that those are the only dreams, it’s just that you don’t want to hear about the other ones.”
Dash: (blushing furiously) WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!?
Fallen: A lot.
Rainbow Dash, wanting to keep Pinkie Pie from crying added, "But I've also had some funny-weird dreams about you too!"
"Like what?"
Fallen: My guess? Pony equivalent of Monty Python.
"Like..." Rainbow Dash started giggling a little bit. "Like one time, you and I were dating!"
Fallen: The more the story continues, the more convinced I become that I struck a nerve.
Dash: I don’t like Pinkie like that!
Rainbow Dash, continued her giggling until she noticed Pinkie Pie was still pouting.
"Is us dating really a bad thing, Dashie?"
Dash: I mean, yeah, she’s one of the most awesome ponies I’ve ever met, but I just-
Fallen: We’re done with that now, Rainbow.
"What!?" Seeing that her friend was serious, she said, "I guess no--"
Before she could even finish, Pinkie Pie threw herself at Rainbow Dash and the two started to make out.
Pinkie: I don’t like Dashie like that, and I don’t do that before the first date!
Fluttershy: You’ve dated? How many times?
Pinkie: Can we not talk about it?
Twilight: Are we just going to suddenly half-learn things about everypony in this room today?
Rainbow Dash loved the feeling of Pinkie's kiss. So warm, so intimate, so... wet?
Fallen: Wrong lips, Rainbow.
Rarity: Well, perhaps that was her intention. If so, that means it’s not the wrong-
Dash: NEXT SCENE!
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and released her tongue from the kiss, and witness Pinkie Pie with water flowing swiftly out of her mouth, ears, nose, and eyes.
Pinkie: “I’m melting! Oh, what a world!”
Before Rainbow Dash could even react, the draws and cupboards in the kitchen started to shoot out water. In one swoosh, Rainbow Dash was washed away by the mysterious current.
Fallen: She woke up in an underground cave filled with merponies.
Fluttershy: Please no...
~~~~~
Dom Cobb inhaled water and realized what had happened.
Fallen: Oh god, it’s Inception.
AJ: What in tarnation is Inception?
Fallen: A human movie. One of my favorites. What it’s doing here is beyond me.
He rose out of the tub of water he was in and gasped for air.
"How'd it go?" Arthur asked, curious about their experiment.
Rarity: What plan? They never discussed a plan...
Twilight: These characters were never even in the story until now. OF COURSE we never heard about any plan.
"It worked," Cobb reassured.
"There were no glitches, no holes?"
Pinkie: I thought that was The Matrix.
Fallen: How do you get human pop culture?
Pinkie: That’s for me to know and for you to wonder about forever!
"Nope."
Arthur recorded this on a chart he had.
Fluttershy: The chart could record almost ten hours of audio.
"So..." He proceeded to question. "What was the dream within a dream like?"
"Nothing special."
Dash: He didn’t even have a reaction to any of that!?
Fallen: Maybe Cobb’s a brony.
The End Maybe.
Fallen: It’s definitely the end.
Twilight: Break time?
Fallen: Break time.
Fallen: Oh, THAT’S always a good start.
The kaleidoscopic mane, now invaded by the brackish mud of which the pegasus was submerged in, crippled her vision along with her own creations of which blocked off Luna’s luminescent orb. The panicked mare struggled onto her back, receiving no avail from the practically frictionless ooze.
Twilight: I can see the story trying to be intelligent, but at the cost of its grammar.
Rarity: I can hardly even tell what’s supposed to be happening.
Twilight: Well, that may not actually be the grammar’s fault.
*CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP* *CLOP*
Pinkie: HEY! You’re not rated Mature, story! Keep it clean!
The hoovesteps
Twilight: Ow.
that leisurely drew closer to the defenseless equine made her heart skip a beat with each…
*CLOP* *CLOP*
AJ: C’mon, story. Nopony wants to see that.
As a silhouetted figure came into the hysterical filly’s line of sight, she gave out a brief yelp. The pegasus, now adjusted onto her back began flailing about, attempting to somehow break free of the harnesses that constricted her wings.
Dash: Oh no. Did we put in another “Cupcakes” ripoff?
Fluttershy: I don’t know, but I hope not.
A sweet, yet psychotic, giggle sent shivers down the winded pony’s flank. The victimized mare’s attempt to pull a Horsey Houdini
Fallen: Why does EVERYTHING in your world have to be a pun based on something in mine?
Pinkie: Because of the reason!
Fallen: Hey, that’s my line!
and escape from her bindings turned futile as the stalking shadow trotted near enough for the pegasus to lick her hoof.
Fallen: Is that an actual fetish for ponies?
AJ: Ah wouldn’t be surprised.
“Dashie,” the menacing character nonchalantly began. “Why’d you leave the party so early?” Her voice, her composure, her pacing! It was also so… relaxed. “I didn’t even get to finish your last leg!”
Fluttershy: “If you could please keep still, I can finish this portrait!”
Rainbow Dash, unable to angle her face to see her legs, could only adjust one leg without a burst of agony coursing her body.
Rarity: Which leg? DETAILS!
What happened to me? The victim mare pondered, incapable to recall any events before her little smooching session with Mr. Mud.
Dash: That sounds so romantic.
The rain previous downpour
Twilight: Why can’t these stories ever be written with halfway decent grammar? EVER?
Fluttershy: Actually, the last few stories weren’t awful in that respect.
Twilight: They weren’t good in ANY respect.
devolved into a drizzle as the clouds gradually thinned. “Aww!” The intimidating figure depressingly groaned, realizing the shift of the weather. “The party’s ending!? We didn’t even get to play pin-the-tail-on-the-pony yet…”
Fallen: Considering where the story seems to be going, that doesn’t sound too pleasant.
The hyperventilating flier remained motionless at the hoof of her offender. That voice… Whose was it?
Pinkie: Heehee! Isn’t it obvious?
Rainbow Dash thought. Maybe if I tried breaking these ropes again… Contrary to her inner voice, she laid still, her muscles unable to function. Dash felt herself fading out of her body; finding herself only able to see, her body became a quiescent ragdoll.
Dash: I have no idea what that means. And I don’t WANT to, so don’t tell me.
Slapping an overzealous grin on their face, the perpetrator spoke. “I got a wonderful new idea! You know how I was bummed ‘cause we didn’t play pin-the-tail-on-the-pony which is like the funnest most amazingly spectacularspendous game in world?
Rarity: That may be a bit excessive, even for Pinkie Pie.
Well I came up with an even more funtastic superific EXTRA FANTABULOUS new game we could play! Wanna know what it is, Dashie!? Doyoudoyoudoyou!?” The chipper pony stared into the eyes of the multicolored mare, awaiting a response. Rainbow Dash over quivered.
Twilight: Is there a limit to how much you’re supposed to quiver?
“Oh, Dashie,” the giddy character laughed. “I wasn’t talking about the quiet game!” The laughter vigorously continued until concluding with a brief snort. “The game I was thinking of was… pin-the-pony-under-the-boulder!”
Fluttershy: Oh my... that sounds painful.
Rainbow Dash, currently gazing at a massive rock the size of a cloud she would usually rest upon, felt her stomach drop. When the hay did that boulder get there! Has it been there this whole time…?
AJ: Looks like Tom’s doin’ alright for himself, Rare.
Rarity: Why does nopony respect my wishes to never speak of that again?
The wounded pegasus’ thoughts ceased as the bubbly figure prepared to launch the boulder into the air. “Here it comes, Dashie,” the shadow exclaimed, only using her nose to fling the colossal stone above the speedster pony.
Rainbow Dash, cringing as the rock dive-bombed towards her, shouted “PINKIE NO!” And then…
Pinkie: And then Dashie was a zombie!
Fallen: “No, Rainbow. You are the demons.”
~~~~~
*PLOP*
AJ: Ah’m takin’ up the whole couch and nopony can stop me!
Rainbow Dash's eyelids rocketed open as she hyperventilated. The refreshing feels of air flowing into her lungs gave Rainbow Dash the common sense to realize that it was just a dream.
Fluttershy: Oh, thank goodness!
Twilight: “Thank goodness?” That’s one of the biggest literary cop-outs ever!
Rainbow Dash began to collect her bearings by taking in her surroundings. She saw that she had been asleep on a lone cloud, and recalled taking a nap there proceeding her afternoon flight. Rainbow Dash also found a newspaper on her stomach.
Dash: I’ve actually woken up to a newspaper on my stomach a few times.
She looked up to discover Derpy floating above her.
"Darn it!" Derpy scolded herself as she watched Rainbow Dash.
"Did you drop something, Derpy?"
Fallen: “Nothing on you, but I was trying to help somepony move earlier today...”
"Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"No biggie," Rainbow Dash said causally, while on the inside, Rainbow Dash was thanking Derpy to no ends from waking her from her terrifying slumber.
Rarity: At one moment she was awake, and then... SHE WASN’T! OH, THE HORROR!
"I'm also sorry for waking you from your dream Rainbow Dash!"
"You already said that?"
AJ: That was a question?
Fallen: This is a story?
"Well yes, but I'm sorry if somepony had been viewing your dream and was expecting something macabre or scary to ensue, but was let down by the whole situation being a dream, and then quit viewing because I woke you up."
Pinkie: I’m teaching her how to do that.
Fallen: Pinkie... just... WHY?
"What in Equestria are you talking about, Derpy!?"
"Bye Rainbow Dash!"
Dash: But she didn’t-
Twilight: And she won’t.
As Derpy flew away, Rainbow Dash decided to shake off the curiosity of what Derpy had said because Derpy said a lot of weird thing.
Fluttershy: That doesn’t sound like a lot.
Pinkie: See? Even the story’s saying a lot of weird thing now!
Dash looked at her hoof to check the time,
Fallen: “Oh goodness, look at my wrist, I gotta go!”
but she wasn't wearing her portable sundial, so she couldn't.
Rainbow Dash needed to check the time because she had promised to help Pinkie Pie bake cupcakes at three o'clock.
AJ: After that dream, ya still wanna go for it?
Dash: Please. I wouldn’t let some lousy dream get in the way of a promise.
She raced to the nearest building to find a clock she could read from. When she entered the closest building, she was saddened by the sight of it already being three o'clock.
"Oh no! I'm going to be late!"
Fallen: How convenient would it be if the building were actually Sugarcu-
"Hey Dashie! You're right on time!"
The pegasus faced where the voice was coming from and saw Pinkie Pie standing there. Upon further inspection, Rainbow Dash realized that her cloud had been right above Sugarcube Corner.
Fallen: How do stories keep doing that!?
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie trotted into the kitchen to begin baking. "So what should we do first Pinkie?"
Pinkie: Bobbing for apples? Conga line? OOH! OOH! PIN THE TAIL ON THE PONY!
"Well actually Rainbow Dash, I already baked the cupcakes. I just needed you to taste them for me."
Rainbow Dash suddenly flashed back to dreams she had had before, including the one that just happened, where they always started with a cupcake and ended in death.
AJ: What’s that ya said before, Rainbow?
Dash: Can it, AJ.
"NONONONONONONONONO!" Rainbow Dash kept repeating this, distancing herself from her pink friend as much as possible in the kitchen.
Rarity: I don’t recall ever being inside Pinkie’s kitchen, but given her other impossibilities, I would not be surprised if it were deceptively enormous and gave Rainbow PLENTY of room to back away.
Fallen: Bigger on the inside?
Rarity: Something like that, yes.
"What's wrong, Dashie!?" Pinkie Pie asked, concerned. "If you didn't want to eat my cupcakes, you could have just lied and said you had already eaten!" Pinkie Pie leaned her head back, opened up her mouth, and dropped the cupcake in it, devouring the pastry in one bite.
"Wait... That cupcake wasn't drugged or poisoned or something?"
Pinkie: “It was! I developed an immunity to the drug, and it’s delicious!”
"No silly! Why would I put drugs or poison in the cupcakes? The recipe doesn't call for them.. Or do they?"
Fluttershy: Why would that be an actual recipe?
Pinkie: Maybe somepony has medicine they need to take every morning, and what better way than by cooking it into a cupcake?
Rainbow Dash moved toward Pinkie, as the party pony wrote out the ingredients list in her head. "Yep there were definitely no drugs or poison, but there was a little bit of something.
Twilight: Pony meat?
Why were you so worked up over it in the first place, Dashie?"
"I'm not really sure... Recently I have been having some odd dreams."
Fallen: “I don’t know WHAT’S in those sleeping pills...”
"What do you mean by odd?"
"Like dreams where, for some reason, you try to kill me by drugging me with cupcakes."
Twilight: The cupcakes weren’t the cause of death. In any of them.
AJ: It’d be a mite shorter if it DID end on the drugged cupcake.
Pinkie Pie began to whimper. "Why would you only have bad dreams about me, Dashie?"
Fallen: “It’s not that those are the only dreams, it’s just that you don’t want to hear about the other ones.”
Dash: (blushing furiously) WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!?
Fallen: A lot.
Rainbow Dash, wanting to keep Pinkie Pie from crying added, "But I've also had some funny-weird dreams about you too!"
"Like what?"
Fallen: My guess? Pony equivalent of Monty Python.
"Like..." Rainbow Dash started giggling a little bit. "Like one time, you and I were dating!"
Fallen: The more the story continues, the more convinced I become that I struck a nerve.
Dash: I don’t like Pinkie like that!
Rainbow Dash, continued her giggling until she noticed Pinkie Pie was still pouting.
"Is us dating really a bad thing, Dashie?"
Dash: I mean, yeah, she’s one of the most awesome ponies I’ve ever met, but I just-
Fallen: We’re done with that now, Rainbow.
"What!?" Seeing that her friend was serious, she said, "I guess no--"
Before she could even finish, Pinkie Pie threw herself at Rainbow Dash and the two started to make out.
Pinkie: I don’t like Dashie like that, and I don’t do that before the first date!
Fluttershy: You’ve dated? How many times?
Pinkie: Can we not talk about it?
Twilight: Are we just going to suddenly half-learn things about everypony in this room today?
Rainbow Dash loved the feeling of Pinkie's kiss. So warm, so intimate, so... wet?
Fallen: Wrong lips, Rainbow.
Rarity: Well, perhaps that was her intention. If so, that means it’s not the wrong-
Dash: NEXT SCENE!
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and released her tongue from the kiss, and witness Pinkie Pie with water flowing swiftly out of her mouth, ears, nose, and eyes.
Pinkie: “I’m melting! Oh, what a world!”
Before Rainbow Dash could even react, the draws and cupboards in the kitchen started to shoot out water. In one swoosh, Rainbow Dash was washed away by the mysterious current.
Fallen: She woke up in an underground cave filled with merponies.
Fluttershy: Please no...
~~~~~
Dom Cobb inhaled water and realized what had happened.
Fallen: Oh god, it’s Inception.
AJ: What in tarnation is Inception?
Fallen: A human movie. One of my favorites. What it’s doing here is beyond me.
He rose out of the tub of water he was in and gasped for air.
"How'd it go?" Arthur asked, curious about their experiment.
Rarity: What plan? They never discussed a plan...
Twilight: These characters were never even in the story until now. OF COURSE we never heard about any plan.
"It worked," Cobb reassured.
"There were no glitches, no holes?"
Pinkie: I thought that was The Matrix.
Fallen: How do you get human pop culture?
Pinkie: That’s for me to know and for you to wonder about forever!
"Nope."
Arthur recorded this on a chart he had.
Fluttershy: The chart could record almost ten hours of audio.
"So..." He proceeded to question. "What was the dream within a dream like?"
"Nothing special."
Dash: He didn’t even have a reaction to any of that!?
Fallen: Maybe Cobb’s a brony.
The End Maybe.
Fallen: It’s definitely the end.
Twilight: Break time?
Fallen: Break time.
Fallen: That was considerably less painful than the last three. I almost felt right at home, actually.
Twilight: The only problem was that this story was still terrible.
Dash: YOU’RE NOT KIDDING.
Pinkie: Fluttershy made it out, though, so there’s that!
Fallen: I’m a little suspicious, though. You gave us a story without gore or sex. One that tried to compensate with the insanity I’ve grown accustomed to.
Pinkie: Yep!
Fallen: This is just the calm before the storm, isn’t it.
Pinkie: Aw, you figured it out! I put the foal-friendly story in this set early on half because you all did a super-spectacular job of cheering me up, and half because everything else is gonna be so much worse!
Fallen: Well, now I’m sad. I’m going over here now.
(Fallen departs to the area Derpy last exited, where Rarity is trying to put all the weapons back in their places.)
Fallen: Hey, Rarity. Why are you bothering with all these?
Rarity: Why aren’t you? You simply must take better care of your weaponry!
Fallen: I meant to, but I had other shit to do. Namely, this.
Rarity: I’d rather you didn’t remind me. I was hoping to distract my mind from this whole mess by preoccupying it with this.
Fallen: Well, thanks for the help. Pretty generous of you to take time out to lend a ha- (ahem) to lend a hoof.
Rarity: It’s no trouble at all. Perhaps while I’m at it, I can rearrange them to make the place slightly more aesthetically pleasing.
Fallen: I have a system for this, though, so don’t get too crazy with it.
Rarity: A system... what exactly do you mean by that? How exactly were these arranged?
Fallen: Fucked if I know. Ask Fluttershy, she’s the one who showed me what to do.
Rarity: Fluttershy.
Fallen: I didn’t stutter, did I?
Rarity: Sweet, innocent little Fluttershy knows enough about armaments to organize this entire shed.
Fallen: Please don’t call it a shed. It’s an armory.
Rarity: I’m sure it is, dear.
Fallen: Anyway, yes, Fluttershy’s a gun nut. Who knew?
Rarity: I’m still skeptical. I refuse to believe that-
Fallen: Fine, I’ll prove it! Hey Fluttershy, can you help me clean up after Derpy?
Fluttershy: (walking over) Oh my... she knocked down a lot of the semi-automatic rifles...
Rarity: Semi-what now?
Fallen: See?
Fluttershy: Let’s see, you had the M1 Carbines over here... AR-15s more to the left...
Rarity: (staring at Fluttershy, mouth agape)
Fallen: I know, right?
Fluttershy: Um... excuse me, Fallen, but I found a Remington Model 552 in with the military semi-autos, and I think it should be with the rest of the civilian weapons.
Fallen: I HAVE one of these? Damn, this thing’s older than I am!
Rarity: Fluttershy, how can you even know what guns are, let alone identify specific ones?
Fluttershy: Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this one time when I had to-
Pinkie: “The Pony Centipede” is up next, guys!
Fallen: Someone actually made a pony version of The Human Centipede? The most what-the-fuck horror movie I’ve ever seen?
Pinkie: Yep!
Fallen: That doesn’t even surprise me. It really doesn’t.
AJ: So ya know what we’re in for?
Fallen: I do. And you’re not going to like it. Not one bit.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Twilight: The only problem was that this story was still terrible.
Dash: YOU’RE NOT KIDDING.
Pinkie: Fluttershy made it out, though, so there’s that!
Fallen: I’m a little suspicious, though. You gave us a story without gore or sex. One that tried to compensate with the insanity I’ve grown accustomed to.
Pinkie: Yep!
Fallen: This is just the calm before the storm, isn’t it.
Pinkie: Aw, you figured it out! I put the foal-friendly story in this set early on half because you all did a super-spectacular job of cheering me up, and half because everything else is gonna be so much worse!
Fallen: Well, now I’m sad. I’m going over here now.
(Fallen departs to the area Derpy last exited, where Rarity is trying to put all the weapons back in their places.)
Fallen: Hey, Rarity. Why are you bothering with all these?
Rarity: Why aren’t you? You simply must take better care of your weaponry!
Fallen: I meant to, but I had other shit to do. Namely, this.
Rarity: I’d rather you didn’t remind me. I was hoping to distract my mind from this whole mess by preoccupying it with this.
Fallen: Well, thanks for the help. Pretty generous of you to take time out to lend a ha- (ahem) to lend a hoof.
Rarity: It’s no trouble at all. Perhaps while I’m at it, I can rearrange them to make the place slightly more aesthetically pleasing.
Fallen: I have a system for this, though, so don’t get too crazy with it.
Rarity: A system... what exactly do you mean by that? How exactly were these arranged?
Fallen: Fucked if I know. Ask Fluttershy, she’s the one who showed me what to do.
Rarity: Fluttershy.
Fallen: I didn’t stutter, did I?
Rarity: Sweet, innocent little Fluttershy knows enough about armaments to organize this entire shed.
Fallen: Please don’t call it a shed. It’s an armory.
Rarity: I’m sure it is, dear.
Fallen: Anyway, yes, Fluttershy’s a gun nut. Who knew?
Rarity: I’m still skeptical. I refuse to believe that-
Fallen: Fine, I’ll prove it! Hey Fluttershy, can you help me clean up after Derpy?
Fluttershy: (walking over) Oh my... she knocked down a lot of the semi-automatic rifles...
Rarity: Semi-what now?
Fallen: See?
Fluttershy: Let’s see, you had the M1 Carbines over here... AR-15s more to the left...
Rarity: (staring at Fluttershy, mouth agape)
Fallen: I know, right?
Fluttershy: Um... excuse me, Fallen, but I found a Remington Model 552 in with the military semi-autos, and I think it should be with the rest of the civilian weapons.
Fallen: I HAVE one of these? Damn, this thing’s older than I am!
Rarity: Fluttershy, how can you even know what guns are, let alone identify specific ones?
Fluttershy: Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this one time when I had to-
Pinkie: “The Pony Centipede” is up next, guys!
Fallen: Someone actually made a pony version of The Human Centipede? The most what-the-fuck horror movie I’ve ever seen?
Pinkie: Yep!
Fallen: That doesn’t even surprise me. It really doesn’t.
AJ: So ya know what we’re in for?
Fallen: I do. And you’re not going to like it. Not one bit.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
The Pony Centipede
Fluttershy: This doesn’t sound so bad.
Fallen: Oh, you poor, doomed filly...
It was a sunny, beautiful day in Ponyville.
Twilight: I’m shocked. It took five stories in to get the generic “beautiful day in Ponyville” opening.
The birds were chirping, the sky was clear and the town was filled with laughter and glee.
Dash: Can stories bleed genericness? I think this story’s bleeding genericness.
Twilight Sparkle was walking down the street to go see her friends. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were up in Cloudsdale for some Pegasus thingy,
Pinkie: Ooh, a pegasus thingy! Those are important, aren’t they?
Dash: I... don’t know.
so Twilight couldn’t go to see them. She decided to go visit Pinkie Pie first.
Rarity: “First, Pinkie Pie... then, the world!”
Twilight walked to the front door and knocked to get Pinkie’s attention. There was no answer. She waited for a minute before knocking again. Still no answer. Twilight saw nothing of it and decided to go on to see Rarity.
AJ: Gave up pretty quickly, didn’t ya, Twi?
On the way to Rarity’s, Twilight ran in to the Cutie Mark Crusaders: Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell.
Rarity: Her name is missing an E.
Pinkie: Better than missing an I, because then she wouldn’t be able to see!
All but Pinkie: (facepalm/hoof)
“Hey girls,” said Twilight, in her normal cheery tone. “How is everything?”
“Bad,” said all three of the girls in unison.
Fallen: Is this a pony adaptation of South Park?
“What’s the matter?” Twilight asked, concerned.
“I can’t find Rarity any where!” said Sweetie Bell, in a concerned voice.
“And I can’t find Applejack!” said Applebloom, also concerned about her sister.
AJ: We get it, y’all are concerned!
“I’m sure there around here somewhere,” said Twilight, trying to reassure the girls.
“But we’ve looked everywhere,” whined Scootaloo.
Fallen: If by “looked everywhere” you mean “just ran up to Twilight right off the bat,” absolutely.
“I was going to go see them anyway, so if I see them I’ll tell them that you’re looking for them,” explained Twilight.
“Thank you Twilight,” said the three girls in unison.
The three girls then walked down the street, discussing how they would obtain their cutie mark.
Fluttershy: That’s not all they talk about.
“I wonder where the others could be,” Twilight thought. “Maybe they have gone to see Zekora!”
So with that, Twilight headed to the Ever Free Forrest to see Zekora.
Twilight: Not one thing in that sentence was spelt right.
“Zekora?” said Twilight, popping her head into Zekora’s hut.
“Yes my child?” said Zekora in her normal voice.
Rarity: As opposed to...?
“Have you seen Applejack, Rarity or Pinkie Pie around?” Twilight asked, walking into the hut.
“Nay my child,” Zekora began. “I have not seen the friends you seek, but I do see the outcome is looking bleak.”
AJ: And just how’d she know that?
Pinkie: Maybe she has a zebra sense!
“What do you mean by that?” Twilight asked, sounding concerned.
“I am not sure,” Zekora began again. “I can see that your friend are in danger, and the events will only get stranger.”
Fallen: Again, effort with Zecora’s rhyming meter. Shame it only pops up every other line.
“I need to find them!” yelled Twilight, alarmed for her friends’ safety.
“I have this elixir that has a tint of lime, it may help you find your friends in time,” Zekora riddled.
Dash: That wasn’t a riddle, though.
Twilight immediately snatched the bowl of liquid out of Zekora’s hooves and drank it up. It tasted a bit like lime.
Pinkie: That’s what happens when you put lime in it.
“I feel a bit dizzy,” Twilight said, stumbling around.
“Good my child, it is working,” said Zekora.
Twilight then passed out.
Dash: Psh. Lightweight.
Twilight awoke in a dark room, unsure of where she was. She could feel a sharp pain on her backside but couldn’t look behind to see what was happening. Twilight could hear muffled screams of pain behind her that sounded somehow familiar.
Fallen: I think I know exactly what happened here, and if it did, I think she’d feel as well as hear at least one of those muffled screams.
Fluttershy: What do you think happened?
Fallen: ...just wait. The story won’t miss out on describing it.
“Oh Twilight, you’re too predictable,” said a mysterious but somewhat familiar voice. “I knew that if I took your friends you would come looking for them, friendship is magic after all.”
Pinkie: TITLE DROP!
Fallen: I don’t think that works unless it’s the title of the story.
“Who are you?” Twilight screamed through the pain she could feel.
“You can’t recognise my voice? What a shame,” stated the mysterious voice. “Friendship may be magic, but it is no where near as powerful as the magic of the great Trixie!”
Twilight: Of COURSE it’s Trixie. Why can’t these stories ever have her try to make amends?
Fluttershy: Because that would make for a more interesting story?
Twilight: ...point.
Suddenly the lights flashed on and Twilight could see the pony standing before her. It was Trixie.
Dash: No. Really?
“Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie began, getting right in Twilight’s face. “The most magically gifted pony in all of Equestria. Not so powerful now are you?”
Twilight tried to use some of her magic to try get out of her predicament, but nothing was happening.
Rarity: I believe they sell medication for that...
Trixie laughed smugly. “Your magic won’t work Twilight. You know that elixir that Zekora gave you?
Fallen: “It contained iocane powder!”
I cursed it. I gave it a curse so your magic wouldn’t work for a while.” Trixie started pacing. “After you were knocked out by Zekora’s elixir, I simply cast a paralysis spell on her and took you away. Genius really.”
Twilight: Not genius enough to spell “Zecora” right.
Twilight was still in tremendous pain but the painful muffled screams behind her had ceased.
Trxie sighed. “Your friends sure are boring Twilight. Already asleep. We can still have fun though.”
Trixie had a crazy look in her eyes.
AJ: What do all these story writers have against us ponies and our sanity?
Pinkie: Maybe they just like to see it when a pony’s mind snaps like a Twix bar!
“So I can regain my title as the greatest magician in Equestria, we need to do something about that horn of yours,” said Trixie, looking around for something.
All of a sudden Trixie pulled out a hacksaw.
Fallen: Which, remember, doesn’t actually hack.
“Don’t worry Twilight,” Trixie moved towards her with the hacksaw. “This will only hurt a lot.”
Trixie started to cut off Twilights horn.
Twilight: (cringe) I practically felt that!
Fluttershy: (hugging Twilight) It’s okay, Twilight. I’m sure you’ll be fine in the story.
Twilight: I doubt it...
The pain was unbearable for poor Twilight, she started screaming and trying to struggle but to no avail. She had to take the pain of her horn being cut off. The scraping noise that the hacksaw made against the horn hurt Twilight’s ears.
Fallen: Good god, what are unicorn horns even MADE of?
Twilight: That has a pretty simple answer, actually! You see-
Fallen: Rhetorical question.
Trixie was cutting slowly, enjoying the pain that Twilight was feeling. Once Trixie cut about half way into the horn she stopped. The pain was still unbearable for Twilight.
“I’m done with cutting,” said Trixie, dropping the hacksaw.
Fluttershy: See, Twilight? I knew Trixie wouldn’t be mean enough to-
Trixie lifted her hoof and slammed it on Twilight’s horn, snapping it.
Fluttershy: EEP!
Twilight: Can I leave? PLEASE LET ME LEAVE!
Pinkie: C’mon, Twilight! You’ve seen soooooooo much worse than this!
The pain of the horn breaking off caused Twilight to let out a blood-curdling scream and pass out.
Dash: Does blood actually even curdle?
Twilight woke back up in a different room. The walls were a plain beige colour and there were no windows. She realised she was not harnessed and could move freely. She tried to move forward but there was a weight behind her that she couldn’t move.
Fallen: Alright, girls. This is it. Ready to see where the “Centipede” part of the title comes from?
Rarity: I’d rather not, but we seem to not have a choice.
Twilight looked behind her and was shocked by what she saw. Her friends behind her, lined up resting their heads on each other’s backsides. They were all awake. Directly behind Twilight was Applejack. Behind Applejack was Pinkie Pie and Rarity was behind her. Twilight realised that Applejack’s mouth was sewn to her asshole. The other ponies behind Applejack met with the same fate. Pinkie’s mouth was sewn to Applejack’s anus and Rarity was sewn to Pinkie’s. Rarity’s horn was also protruding into Pinkie’s anus. They were one single entity, a centipede of sorts.
Fallen: And there it is. What do you think?
Pinkie: I... I just...
Twilight: THIS IS HORRIBLE!
Dash: This was actually in a MOVIE before this!?
Fluttershy: I can’t read this...
AJ: Who would even be sick enough to think this up?
Rarity: “Dreadful” isn’t even a strong enough word!
Fallen: I knew you’d love it.
“I see you have noticed your new body Twilight,” said a voice, it was Trixie. “How’s the lack of horn Twilight?”
Twilight had completely forgot about the pain of her missing horn due to the shock she felt about what is happening.
Fallen: And tense shift. I was wondering when that would happen.
“If you’re wondering where I am, I’m else where. Watching you through video cameras around the room,” Trixie explained. “Oh, and I gave you some laxatives before Twilight. I suggest you shouldn’t try hold it in, that’s bad for your insides.”
Twilight: What’s the point of the laxatives?
Fallen: Remember where Applejack is...
Twilight: Oh. OH! NO!
Twilight suddenly felt the urge to defecate, but she realised that all her shit would get on Applejacks face. Applejack started trying to say something but it was unintelligible, due to the fact that her mouth was sewn to Twilight’s backside.
AJ: Okay, ah can’t stand this! Why would this have even been an idea in somepony’s head?
Fallen: I don’t know, but I’m seeing deviation from the source material.
AJ: Do ah even wanna know what’s different?
Fallen: Probably not, but in the film, the centipede was a medical experiment to see if three people joined ass-to-mouth would actually work. And yes, the doctor was crazy. But here, it’s just done for the sake of torture. And I don’t know which is worse.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say!” Twilight screamed, trying to hold in the urge to shit.
Fluttershy: Why was this made!?
Applejack started trying to talk again. Twilight tried her best to hear what her friend was trying to say. To Twilight it sounded as if Applejack was telling her it’s ok to let go.
AJ: And just why would ah be okay with anypony doin’ that to me!?
“Applejack, if you are telling me that you’re ok with me letting go stop your hoof once,” Twilight was still trying to hold back. “If not, stomp twice.”
Immediately Applejack stomped her hoof… once. Twilight realised that her friend was ok with her shitting on her face.
Rarity: At... at least this time it’s not Pound and Pumpkin Cake?
Dash: How is that supposed to help!?
Rarity: At this point, I’d take any small comfort.
“I’m sorry Applejack,” sobbed Twilight, as she let the faeces rush out her anus.
Twilight: Why would you spell “feces” with an A?
Pinkie: What’s wrong with making a word look silly?
The shit exploded all over Applejack’s face and into her mouth. The stench was atrocious and caused Applejack to throw up in her mouth. It remained in her mouth, as it couldn’t escape.
Pinkie: She could always swallow it.
AJ: PINKIE! Of all the people or ponies ah’d ever expect to hear that from-
Applejack realised that she could either keep the vomit in her mouth or swallow it. The taste of vomit and shit was too foul for Applejack though, so she decided to swallow it.
AJ: You were RIGHT!?
Pinkie: It happens!
She realised she couldn’t swallow it all at once, so she started to swallow small amounts. While this was happening Twilight had started crying because of what she had done. Pinkie and Rarity just stood there, silent.
Rarity: I’m in shock at this. I cannot believe that even the “Great and Powerful” Trixie would go this far for revenge!
Fallen: Maybe I should write her into the next riff to test that.
Rarity: What did you-
Fallen: Look, a story!
“Oh my god!” yelled a shocked Trixie on the intercom. “I can’t believe you just did that to your friend Twilight Sparkle! That is truly sick.
Fluttershy: I agree with Trixie...
You could have held it in and let your bowels explode!”
Twilight didn’t bother responding. She just stood there with her head down, tears in her eyes.
Trixie sighed. “You guys are all boring.”
Fallen: I second that opinion.
Twilight: WHAT!? How can you just brush off something this... this... REVOLTING!?
Fallen: Well, I’ve already seen the movie, so there’s no shock value to be had for me anymore. Eventually it just desensitizes you.
All of a sudden, a gas filled the room, which caused the four ponies to pass out.
Dash: Yeah, their passout count is higher than ours. Only lost one so far.
Fallen: What do you mean we- oh, goddammit, somepony wake up Fluttershy.
Twilight re-awoke in a field somewhere. The grass was green, the shy was a cloudless blue
Fluttershy: But... but my coat is yellow.
and birds were chirping, but in the middle of this peace was a monstrosity. A twelve legged monster that was once four innocent girls.
Pinkie: Wouldn’t it be sixteen legs?
Standing before Twilight was Trixie and beside her was Spike! She was keeping Spike on a leash.
Twilight: YOU LEAVE SPIKE OUT OF THIS!!
“I’m so glad you’re awake,” said Trixie, with a psychotic glee in her voice. “Spike is too, aren’t you Spike?”
Fallen: I’m sure he’s thrilled to see his crush, his employer/sister figure, and two of their best friends sewn together ass to mouth.
“Leave Spike alone!” Twilight yelled.
“Twilight, I won’t hurt your little buddy Spike,” Trixie explained. “Infact, I’ll allow all his wildest fantasies come true.”
Fallen: Oh god, I know where this is going...
AJ: Ah think ah do too. Was rape in the movie too?
Fallen: No it was not. So now I can say for sure that this goes even MORE too far.
Twilight: Was that even grammatically correct?
Fallen: The fucks I don’t give are infinite.
Both Twilight and Spike looked at Trixie unsure of what she was on about.
“I know about Spike’s crush on Rarity,” Trixie began to explain.
Fluttershy: How?
“So I assumed Spike would enjoy… having some fun with her.”
Fluttershy: WHY!?
Spike looked Twilight in the eyes looking for answers on what Trixie was talking about, but was met with a look of the same confusion he felt.
Dash: Everypony here already gets it. None of us are that stupid. ESPECIALLY not Twilight.
“Still unsure?” Trixie wondered. “Thought you were smart Twilight. I’ll put it simply for both of you. Spike is a male with a penis, Rarity is a female with a vagina. When a male is attracted to a female, he may feel the urge to…”
Pinkie: I noticed the stork was missing from that.
Twilight suddenly realised what Trixie was implying
Rarity: Why call it an implication if it was so blatant?
and yelled out. “NO!”
“Spike obviously wants it,” said Trixe, looking down at Spike.
“Not this way!” Spike protested. “She’s helpless and obviously doesn’t want it.”
Fallen: Aww, the story’s trying to pretend it knows what morals are! Isn’t that just precious?
“Irrelevant,” snorted Trixie. “Her needs don’t matter right now. She’s going to die soon. Actually, you’re doing her a favour Spike. You are allowing Rarity to feel the joy sex before she dies.”
Trixie started laughing like a maniac. “Anyway, either you can defile her and go free or you can cherish her virginity and die.
Fallen: There’s no way in hell a pony like Rarity is a virgin. Hell, you basically ADMITTED that-
Rarity: YES, WELL! Why don’t we just move on with the story? We’ll continue this discussion never.
It amuses me either way.”
Spike was unsure of what to do. It seemed wrong to take advantage of Rarity in her position but he didn’t want to die.
Fallen: I was always under the impression that Spike would be the type to give his life for Rarity.
Twilight: You forget what state she’s in right now. Death would be a mercy.
Fallen: But we’re talking about Spike screwing her, not killing her.
Twilight: Right. That’s just more suffering on top of what she’s going through now. So... there’s really no winning outcome. I can’t say which route it should go.
Fallen: But we know which route it WILL go...
“Why are you doing this?’ Twilight asked, angrily.
Twilight wanted to charge her but she realised it would be too hard for them all to move in unison.
“Originally, it was for revenge,” Trixie started to explain. “But now it’s more then that… I just find it really fun to watch people suffer!”
Fallen: Sounds like the mentality of anyone going to see a Hostel movie or a Saw sequel.
Trixie looked at Spike. “Make your decision dear.”
Spike looked towards Twilight but was met with a stare of uncertainty. He suddenly muffled words coming from Rarity in the back.
Dash: Wait, then who was talking? Spike or Rarity?
He decided to walk up to Rarity to see if he could comprehend what she was trying to say.
“What do you want Rarity?” Spike asked.
Rarity: “Well, if you’re offering, I saw the most gorgeous ribbons in the crafts store the other day...”
Rarity started trying to explain what she was thinking but it was too unintelligible for Spike to comprehend.
AJ: She was speakin’ in Fancy.
“Rarity!” Twilight suddenly yelled out. “If you are ok with Spike doing this stomp your hoof once. If not, do it twice.”
Spike looked at Rarity’s legs for the indication. She stomped her hoof… once, much like Applejack. She was giving up her comfort for someone else, much like Applejack.
Rarity: She was also very tired of reading about her own torture.
AJ: Much like Applejack.
“Go ahead Spike,” Trixie yelled out.
Spike got behind Rarity. “Thank you Rarity, and I am sorry.”
Pinkie: Why be sorry? Isn’t it fun?
Fallen: Did you just call rape fun?
Pinkie: It’s not rape if she said yes!
Fallen: It’s rape if she didn’t WANT to say yes!
Spike put his hands on either side of her flank. Rarity’s smooth beautiful fur caused Spike to become erect. He elevated him self so he could insert his now erect penis into Rarity’s vagina.
Twilight: This technically counts as pedophilia, doesn’t it?
Fluttershy: I don’t like this...
Twilight: How do you think it feels for ME?
He slowly inserts it at first and keeps repeating in a thrusting motion, slowly gaining speed. Trixie stood watching on, looking pleased about was she was watching.
Fallen: I don’t know if I’m more bothered by Trixie enjoying this or by the tense shift.
Rarity was trying to moan but was stopped by the fact her mouth was stitched to Pinkie’s behind.
Fallen: And another thing. I get Twilight being part of this, and I can sort of understand Applejack and Rarity, but what did PINKIE PIE ever do to her?
Pinkie: Can we not talk about it?
Fallen: Wait, that’s the same answer you gave when you were asked if you-
Pinkie: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT IT?
This went on for a few minutes until Spike came. Spike removed himself from his mounted position and just sat on the grass, looking disturbed. Like what he just did was completely wrong.
Twilight and Rarity: IT WAS.
“Very good Spike,” said Trixie, sounding proud of him. “I really thought you weren’t going to do it.”
Spike remained sitting there, looking like he committed some horrible crime.
“I guess you can go now,” Trixie said, teleporting Spike away.
Dash: So we don’t even get to see how he’s really taking this?
Trixie moved back in front of Twilight. “See this purple line? Follow it.”
Trixie suddenly teleported away and Twilight looked at the purple line that cut across the field. It went beyond the horizon.
Fallen: And into the space between spaces.
“When I say right, we must all move our right legs forward at once,” Twilight ordered. “When I say left, you must move you left leg. Got it”
With saying that, the monster started moving along the line.
Pinkie: It’s like a conga line!
After a few hours of travelling, the monstrous entity stumbled across a run down shack. Twilight stopped yelling orders so everyone could rest.
Fallen: Or she yelled the order for them to rest.
“You made it!” said a cheerful voice. It was Trixie. She was emerging from the shack with a cage in her hand.
AJ: Uh... “hand?”
Fluttershy: This can’t be a humanized story, can it?
Fallen: It’s not. This writer’s just incompetent.
“I thought you would get lost a miss out on the next act.”
Twilight looked into the cage and noticed three small ponies crammed in there. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders!
AJ and Rarity: YOU LEAVE MY SISTER OUT OF THIS!!
“Leave them alone!” yelled Twilight.
“But that’s not fun,” Trixie whined.
Twilight: You know what else isn’t fun? Life in prison for torture, kidnapping, and murder.
Pinkie: Maybe I could get everypony to lighten up if I went to jail!
The girls were lifeless in the cage, as if they were already dead.
Fluttershy: It killed the Crusaders!?
Pinkie: You’re... not gonna like the last story.
“I was expecting one of you to be dead already,” confessed Trixie. “If you want things right, you’ve got to do them yourself.”
Trixie used her magic to pull a sharp knife from the shack. She pointed the knife towards the centipede, trying to decide whom to kill.
Rarity: I know how awful it sounds for me to try and help in this process, but if you want the centipede to be able to continue moving, killing one of the middle ponies would be counterproductive. If you had to kill one, it would have to be me.
“Pinkie seems dead already, she’ll do,” Trixie decided.
Rarity: So of course she chooses Pinkie Pie instead.
Pinkie: YAY! I’m finally really in the story!
Fluttershy: You’re looking forward to this!?
Pinkie: Duh! This doesn’t even faze me!
Fallen: I know that feel. I’ve developed an immunity to gore too.
Trixie brought the knife towards her and put it on the ground. She then walked over to the cage and woke the CMC up.
“Hey girls!” said Trixie, in a voice that was actually somewhat comforting. “I want one of you to take this knife, slash Pinkie’s throat, harvest her organs and give them to me.”
AJ: What would Trixie want with Pinkie’s organs?
Fallen: Maybe she thinks consuming Pinkie Pie will grant her unlimited power.
Twilight: I thought Trixie wanted to do this herself. Why is she using the Cutie Mark Crusaders to do it?
The girls started shaking in fear.
“Ok, Scootaloo, you will do it,” Trixie commanded, still using the same tone as before. “If you do, I won’t hurt you, or your friends.”
Dash: Not that I’m telling you how to emotionally break ponies, but if you wanted to really scar Scootaloo for life, shouldn’t I be part of the centipede?
Scootaloo looked at her friends and took the knife. She walked up to Pinkie Pie but realised that she could not reach her throat.
AJ: Does that mean we don’t have to see any more torture?
“Here little one, this spell will strengthen your wings,” Trixie explained, casting a spell on Scootaloo.
AJ: Aw, ponyfeathers...
Scootaloo used her wings to elevate her self to the level of Pinkie’s throat. She slashed straight across the throat. Blood started leaking heavily and Pinkie quickly died. All the ponies around started crying, except for Trixie.
Fallen: I imagine Trixie would be that one jackass at a funeral who’s trying to make jokes at the expense of the deceased.
Scootaloo then used the knife to cut open Pinkie’s stomach and harvest her organs. Scootaloo was covered in blood, and was now pulling organs out of Pinkie’s body.
Pinkie: I’ve got it! I know why Trixie wants my organs!
Twilight: Does it have anything to do with baking pastries?
Pinkie: Wow, you’re good!
“Good child,” said Trixie, using her magic to put the organs into the shack and take away the knife from Scootaloo. “You must all be hungry right?”
Fluttershy: W-well... at least she’s feeding them...?
Trixie used the knife to cut open Pinkie’s head. She broke through the skull and her brains were showing. “I want you girls to eat her brain, my treat.”
Fluttershy: EEP!
AJ: Twice in one story? Is that a squeakin’ record?
Fallen: No, she did it a lot more the first time I was with her.
Dash: That’s what she-
Fallen: I’m going to shoot you through the wings if you finish that sentence.
Scootaloo realised it was wise to just listen to this lunatic and started eating the brain. It was chewy and tasted terrible.
Rarity: I would imagine so! What could be appetizing about brains?
Pinkie: I dunno, but zombies like them a lot!
“Very good Scootaloo, you may leave,” said Trixie. “You can probably fly to Cloudsdale to go get Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.”
Fallen: That’s not gonna bite her in the ass at ALL.
Scootaloo decided to fly away immediately.
Trixie looked at Applebloom and Sweetie Bell. “Since Scootaloo participated so well, you don’t have to eat the brain. But you must come with me.”
Fallen: Why did I just think of Trixie as Arnold Schwarzenegger there?
Trixie suddenly cast a spell on Sweetie Bell and Applebloom rendering them unconscious. Trixie then gathered their almost lifeless bodies and put them in the cage. Twilight was two busy crying over the loss of Pinkie Pie to
Twilight: use the right “too” for the occasion.
bother yelling or doing anything.
“I suggest you use this red line to follow me to the next point,” Trixie said, looking at the red line moving towards the horizon.
Dash: Lines on the ground must really like the horizon.
Trixie suddenly vanished with the cage. Twilight stood there, pondering if they should move along the red line.
“Girls,” Twilight began, still distressed about what just transpired. “If we go to the next point, we may possibly die.
Rarity: Just the slightest chance of death.
Fluttershy: This won’t end well, will it?
Fallen: Does it ever?
Do you guys want to, or should we just wait for death here.”
Both Applejack and Rarity clopped their hooves once, indicating yes.
“Very well…” Twilight realised that they probably feared for their sister’s safety. “Right!”
Fallen: WRONG!!!
AJ: Ya gonna stop doin’ that anytime soon?
Fallen: Probably not.
Twilight: Would we even be able to move the way the story says we are? Even when we just walk normally, we don’t use both right legs at once!
The monster then marched on towards the horizon, where Twilight felt they would meet their final fate.
Pinkie: So it’s their... final destination?
Fallen: Really, Pinkie?
Meanwhile in Cloudsdale, Scootaloo found Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
“Scootaloo!” Rainbow Dash was surprised by her presence. “I thought you couldn’t fly?”
Fallen: And then Dom Cobb woke up again.
Scootalo then explained to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy what was happening. Fluttershy fell absolutely silent from the news.
“We have to go down there and stop her!” demanded Rainbow Dash.
Twilight: Out of curiosity, Rainbow, if this ever happened to us, what would you do?
Dash: If I ever found whoever did it, I’d make “Cupcakes” look like a cartoon for five-year-old fillies.
Fluttershy started breathing really heavily. “THAT MONSTER!” Fluttershy snapped from hearing what happened. “WE NEED TO GO DOWN THERE NOW A DESTROY HER!”
Both Scootaloo and Rainbow were surprised with Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: I’m not sure why. I really don’t like when somepony hurts my friends.
“Lead us to them Scoots,” said Rainbow Dash.
Scootaloo started flying, with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash following her.
Fallen: Unfortunately, Scootaloo took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
The entity of death and suffering had been moving for an hour along the red line. Even though they had the dead weight of Pinkie’s rotting carcass,
Twilight: Again, between Applejack and Rarity. Pinkie’s body would be either dragging on the ground or hanging between them. And I doubt Trixie’s much of a surgeon, so those stitches might start to come apart if she’s just hanging. And would her body really start rotting that quickly?
Dash: Wow. Write an essay, why don’t you?
Twilight: Maybe I will!
they still made it. They could see Trixie, sitting under a single apple tree, on top of the cage that held Sweetie and Applebloom.
Rarity: The cage that was small enough for her to hold in her “hand” moments ago?
“You made it!” yelled Trixie, using her magic to move them a bit closer. “Thought you might have given up. If that was the case… I would have had to murder these sweet, young Phillies.”
Fallen: Why are we in Philadelphia?
Fluttershy: Don’t you mean-
Fallen: Human city, different name.
“What do you want us to do?” asked Twilight, in physical and emotional pain.
“For you all to suffer,” Trixie explained. “It’s really fun watching you suffer.”
“Just kill us already!” Twilight screamed, tears streaming down her face.
AJ: She says what we’re all thinkin’.
“I’ll get to that,” Trixie explained. “Actually… Applebloom and Sweeie Bell will get to it.”
Trixie suddenly opened the cage and woke the little Phillies up.
“Hey Sweeties,” said Trixie, trying to sound comforting. “You two are going to kill your sisters.”
Rarity: How could Sweetie Belle do such a thing!?
Pinkie: Same way Apple Bloom could in “Cupcakes?”
“They’re not here!” yelled Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: And the Darwin Award goes to...
Scootaloo has led Rainbow and Fluttershy to the shack that she last saw the centipede.
“They were here,” Scootaloo’s voice was trembling. “I swear!”
The floor was still stained with Pinkie’s blood, and a bit of her brain matter.
AJ: But they still didn’t believe her and left.
Fluttershy: APPLEJACK!
AJ: At least ah’m tryin’.
“Maybe Trixie moved them away,” Scootaloo suggested.
Fluttershy was still livid over what had happened. She was breathing heavily and looked like she was going to explode.
Pinkie: TWICE!
“That seems logical,” said Rainbow Dash, looking around. “What could be this red line?”
They all looked at the red line and wondered where it could lead.
Twilight: Gee, I wonder.
“This might lead us to them,” Scootaloo suggested.
“We might as well follow it,” said Rainbow Dash.
They started following the red line.
Rarity: Riveting. This story moves at such a breakneck pace.
“No!” cried the two Phillies.
“It’s either you but them out of their misery, or I kill you,” Trixie explained.
AJ: This may be even sicker than the clopfic we just read about Apple Bloom.
Pinkie: Oh, you’re REALLY gonna hate the NEXT clopfic about Apple Bloom!
AJ: NEXT!?
Applebloom and Sweetie Bell both looked at each other, with tears in their eyes.
“Do it girls,” Twilight interrupted. They were shocked with Twilight. “They don’t want to be like this girls. Please, help them by ending it.”
Fluttershy: I can’t look...
The phillies couldn’t believe what they were hearing.
“DO IT!” Twilight screamed.
“Very smart Twilight,” said Trixie, walking over too Twilight. Suddenly, Trixie snapped Twilight’s to front legs.
Dash: Was there a point to that?
Twilight: Is there a point to ANY of this?
Twilight screamed from the pain of her bones shattering.
“Girls, please take these knives,” Trixie started to explain their gruesome task. “Cut open their stomachs the bash their organs with these hammers until they die.”
AJ: That’s a bit much, ain’t it?
Rarity: Where’s the harm in letting us go quickly?
Pinkie: Where’s the FUN in letting you go quickly?
Fallen: I’m starting to worry about you, Pinkie.
Sweetie Bell and Applebloom took the knives. They then stood directly under their respective sisters. Twilight could feel Applejack trying to scream from the pain of the knife tearing through her flesh. Twilight realised that Rarity was going through the same torture.
Fallen: REALLY now.
Once the incisions where made, the phillies pulled it apart so they could fit the hammers into the cavity.
AJ: Wouldn’t it work better to let the organs spill out so y’all could hit ‘em easier?
Fallen: How is this story actually making us contemplate all this!?
Next, Twilight could hear the thumping and squelching of the hammers against the insides of the two ponies.
Fallen: STOP!
Twilight: Why?
Pinkie: OH! OH! I know where he’s going with this!
Twilight: Where? Because it doesn’t make any sense for him to just-
Fallen: Hammertime!
Twilight: (slaps Fallen) That was stupid, and you already made that joke.
After 5 minutes of the torture, Twilight felt Applejack go limp. The noises stopped and everything went silent. The two phillies dropped the weapons and sat there, covered in their sisters’ blood.
Pinkie: Another blood shower!
Dash: You get way too into these.
“I guess you two may leave now,” Trixie said, teleporting them away. She looked away from Twilight and looked to the sky. “I guess it’s your tur-“
Trixe stopped talking due to a sudden force stopping her from moving. She was then turned towards Twilight. Twilight was using her magic.
Fluttershy: Can unicorns use magic without their horns?
Twilight: I actually don’t know, and I’d rather not find out.
Beside her were Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
“You forget about the magic of friendship Trixie,” Twilight started to explain. “You may have killed some of my friends, but they are still here in spirit.”
Fallen: Hello, “Bittersweet” flashbacks.
Fluttershy walked up to the paralysed Trixie. “Time for you to die.”
Fluttershy started beating Trixie until she went limp. Fluttersgy was covered in Trixie’s blood but she had avenged her dead friends.
AJ: Friends? But ah don’t know anypony named Fluttersgy.
Dash: Neither do I.
Twilight looked to Rainbow Dash. “Kill me.”
Rarity: She really DOES have access to the thoughts of the readers!
“What?” Rainbow was shocked by Twilight’s request.
“I don’t want to live any more after what I went through,” Twilight explained, sounding almost as soft as Fluttershy. “Plus, my legs are broken and I have no horn. I’m useless.”
Twilight: Broken legs heal. And I was just using magic without a horn.
Twilight started to cough.
“No Twilight!” said Fluttershy, in her normal quiet nature.
“Do it,” Twilight insisted. “Take one of those knifes and slash my throat.”
Fallen: Wow. You’re so traumatized that you can’t even say “knives.” Maybe you SHOULD be put out of your misery.
Fluttershy: FALLEN!
Rainbow went over to one of the knives and picked it up.
“Thank you Rainbow, thank you.”
The End
Rarity: Thank you, story. Thank you.
Fallen: I think we’ve earned a break. This one was a lot longer than the last few.
Fluttershy: This doesn’t sound so bad.
Fallen: Oh, you poor, doomed filly...
It was a sunny, beautiful day in Ponyville.
Twilight: I’m shocked. It took five stories in to get the generic “beautiful day in Ponyville” opening.
The birds were chirping, the sky was clear and the town was filled with laughter and glee.
Dash: Can stories bleed genericness? I think this story’s bleeding genericness.
Twilight Sparkle was walking down the street to go see her friends. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were up in Cloudsdale for some Pegasus thingy,
Pinkie: Ooh, a pegasus thingy! Those are important, aren’t they?
Dash: I... don’t know.
so Twilight couldn’t go to see them. She decided to go visit Pinkie Pie first.
Rarity: “First, Pinkie Pie... then, the world!”
Twilight walked to the front door and knocked to get Pinkie’s attention. There was no answer. She waited for a minute before knocking again. Still no answer. Twilight saw nothing of it and decided to go on to see Rarity.
AJ: Gave up pretty quickly, didn’t ya, Twi?
On the way to Rarity’s, Twilight ran in to the Cutie Mark Crusaders: Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell.
Rarity: Her name is missing an E.
Pinkie: Better than missing an I, because then she wouldn’t be able to see!
All but Pinkie: (facepalm/hoof)
“Hey girls,” said Twilight, in her normal cheery tone. “How is everything?”
“Bad,” said all three of the girls in unison.
Fallen: Is this a pony adaptation of South Park?
“What’s the matter?” Twilight asked, concerned.
“I can’t find Rarity any where!” said Sweetie Bell, in a concerned voice.
“And I can’t find Applejack!” said Applebloom, also concerned about her sister.
AJ: We get it, y’all are concerned!
“I’m sure there around here somewhere,” said Twilight, trying to reassure the girls.
“But we’ve looked everywhere,” whined Scootaloo.
Fallen: If by “looked everywhere” you mean “just ran up to Twilight right off the bat,” absolutely.
“I was going to go see them anyway, so if I see them I’ll tell them that you’re looking for them,” explained Twilight.
“Thank you Twilight,” said the three girls in unison.
The three girls then walked down the street, discussing how they would obtain their cutie mark.
Fluttershy: That’s not all they talk about.
“I wonder where the others could be,” Twilight thought. “Maybe they have gone to see Zekora!”
So with that, Twilight headed to the Ever Free Forrest to see Zekora.
Twilight: Not one thing in that sentence was spelt right.
“Zekora?” said Twilight, popping her head into Zekora’s hut.
“Yes my child?” said Zekora in her normal voice.
Rarity: As opposed to...?
“Have you seen Applejack, Rarity or Pinkie Pie around?” Twilight asked, walking into the hut.
“Nay my child,” Zekora began. “I have not seen the friends you seek, but I do see the outcome is looking bleak.”
AJ: And just how’d she know that?
Pinkie: Maybe she has a zebra sense!
“What do you mean by that?” Twilight asked, sounding concerned.
“I am not sure,” Zekora began again. “I can see that your friend are in danger, and the events will only get stranger.”
Fallen: Again, effort with Zecora’s rhyming meter. Shame it only pops up every other line.
“I need to find them!” yelled Twilight, alarmed for her friends’ safety.
“I have this elixir that has a tint of lime, it may help you find your friends in time,” Zekora riddled.
Dash: That wasn’t a riddle, though.
Twilight immediately snatched the bowl of liquid out of Zekora’s hooves and drank it up. It tasted a bit like lime.
Pinkie: That’s what happens when you put lime in it.
“I feel a bit dizzy,” Twilight said, stumbling around.
“Good my child, it is working,” said Zekora.
Twilight then passed out.
Dash: Psh. Lightweight.
Twilight awoke in a dark room, unsure of where she was. She could feel a sharp pain on her backside but couldn’t look behind to see what was happening. Twilight could hear muffled screams of pain behind her that sounded somehow familiar.
Fallen: I think I know exactly what happened here, and if it did, I think she’d feel as well as hear at least one of those muffled screams.
Fluttershy: What do you think happened?
Fallen: ...just wait. The story won’t miss out on describing it.
“Oh Twilight, you’re too predictable,” said a mysterious but somewhat familiar voice. “I knew that if I took your friends you would come looking for them, friendship is magic after all.”
Pinkie: TITLE DROP!
Fallen: I don’t think that works unless it’s the title of the story.
“Who are you?” Twilight screamed through the pain she could feel.
“You can’t recognise my voice? What a shame,” stated the mysterious voice. “Friendship may be magic, but it is no where near as powerful as the magic of the great Trixie!”
Twilight: Of COURSE it’s Trixie. Why can’t these stories ever have her try to make amends?
Fluttershy: Because that would make for a more interesting story?
Twilight: ...point.
Suddenly the lights flashed on and Twilight could see the pony standing before her. It was Trixie.
Dash: No. Really?
“Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie began, getting right in Twilight’s face. “The most magically gifted pony in all of Equestria. Not so powerful now are you?”
Twilight tried to use some of her magic to try get out of her predicament, but nothing was happening.
Rarity: I believe they sell medication for that...
Trixie laughed smugly. “Your magic won’t work Twilight. You know that elixir that Zekora gave you?
Fallen: “It contained iocane powder!”
I cursed it. I gave it a curse so your magic wouldn’t work for a while.” Trixie started pacing. “After you were knocked out by Zekora’s elixir, I simply cast a paralysis spell on her and took you away. Genius really.”
Twilight: Not genius enough to spell “Zecora” right.
Twilight was still in tremendous pain but the painful muffled screams behind her had ceased.
Trxie sighed. “Your friends sure are boring Twilight. Already asleep. We can still have fun though.”
Trixie had a crazy look in her eyes.
AJ: What do all these story writers have against us ponies and our sanity?
Pinkie: Maybe they just like to see it when a pony’s mind snaps like a Twix bar!
“So I can regain my title as the greatest magician in Equestria, we need to do something about that horn of yours,” said Trixie, looking around for something.
All of a sudden Trixie pulled out a hacksaw.
Fallen: Which, remember, doesn’t actually hack.
“Don’t worry Twilight,” Trixie moved towards her with the hacksaw. “This will only hurt a lot.”
Trixie started to cut off Twilights horn.
Twilight: (cringe) I practically felt that!
Fluttershy: (hugging Twilight) It’s okay, Twilight. I’m sure you’ll be fine in the story.
Twilight: I doubt it...
The pain was unbearable for poor Twilight, she started screaming and trying to struggle but to no avail. She had to take the pain of her horn being cut off. The scraping noise that the hacksaw made against the horn hurt Twilight’s ears.
Fallen: Good god, what are unicorn horns even MADE of?
Twilight: That has a pretty simple answer, actually! You see-
Fallen: Rhetorical question.
Trixie was cutting slowly, enjoying the pain that Twilight was feeling. Once Trixie cut about half way into the horn she stopped. The pain was still unbearable for Twilight.
“I’m done with cutting,” said Trixie, dropping the hacksaw.
Fluttershy: See, Twilight? I knew Trixie wouldn’t be mean enough to-
Trixie lifted her hoof and slammed it on Twilight’s horn, snapping it.
Fluttershy: EEP!
Twilight: Can I leave? PLEASE LET ME LEAVE!
Pinkie: C’mon, Twilight! You’ve seen soooooooo much worse than this!
The pain of the horn breaking off caused Twilight to let out a blood-curdling scream and pass out.
Dash: Does blood actually even curdle?
Twilight woke back up in a different room. The walls were a plain beige colour and there were no windows. She realised she was not harnessed and could move freely. She tried to move forward but there was a weight behind her that she couldn’t move.
Fallen: Alright, girls. This is it. Ready to see where the “Centipede” part of the title comes from?
Rarity: I’d rather not, but we seem to not have a choice.
Twilight looked behind her and was shocked by what she saw. Her friends behind her, lined up resting their heads on each other’s backsides. They were all awake. Directly behind Twilight was Applejack. Behind Applejack was Pinkie Pie and Rarity was behind her. Twilight realised that Applejack’s mouth was sewn to her asshole. The other ponies behind Applejack met with the same fate. Pinkie’s mouth was sewn to Applejack’s anus and Rarity was sewn to Pinkie’s. Rarity’s horn was also protruding into Pinkie’s anus. They were one single entity, a centipede of sorts.
Fallen: And there it is. What do you think?
Pinkie: I... I just...
Twilight: THIS IS HORRIBLE!
Dash: This was actually in a MOVIE before this!?
Fluttershy: I can’t read this...
AJ: Who would even be sick enough to think this up?
Rarity: “Dreadful” isn’t even a strong enough word!
Fallen: I knew you’d love it.
“I see you have noticed your new body Twilight,” said a voice, it was Trixie. “How’s the lack of horn Twilight?”
Twilight had completely forgot about the pain of her missing horn due to the shock she felt about what is happening.
Fallen: And tense shift. I was wondering when that would happen.
“If you’re wondering where I am, I’m else where. Watching you through video cameras around the room,” Trixie explained. “Oh, and I gave you some laxatives before Twilight. I suggest you shouldn’t try hold it in, that’s bad for your insides.”
Twilight: What’s the point of the laxatives?
Fallen: Remember where Applejack is...
Twilight: Oh. OH! NO!
Twilight suddenly felt the urge to defecate, but she realised that all her shit would get on Applejacks face. Applejack started trying to say something but it was unintelligible, due to the fact that her mouth was sewn to Twilight’s backside.
AJ: Okay, ah can’t stand this! Why would this have even been an idea in somepony’s head?
Fallen: I don’t know, but I’m seeing deviation from the source material.
AJ: Do ah even wanna know what’s different?
Fallen: Probably not, but in the film, the centipede was a medical experiment to see if three people joined ass-to-mouth would actually work. And yes, the doctor was crazy. But here, it’s just done for the sake of torture. And I don’t know which is worse.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say!” Twilight screamed, trying to hold in the urge to shit.
Fluttershy: Why was this made!?
Applejack started trying to talk again. Twilight tried her best to hear what her friend was trying to say. To Twilight it sounded as if Applejack was telling her it’s ok to let go.
AJ: And just why would ah be okay with anypony doin’ that to me!?
“Applejack, if you are telling me that you’re ok with me letting go stop your hoof once,” Twilight was still trying to hold back. “If not, stomp twice.”
Immediately Applejack stomped her hoof… once. Twilight realised that her friend was ok with her shitting on her face.
Rarity: At... at least this time it’s not Pound and Pumpkin Cake?
Dash: How is that supposed to help!?
Rarity: At this point, I’d take any small comfort.
“I’m sorry Applejack,” sobbed Twilight, as she let the faeces rush out her anus.
Twilight: Why would you spell “feces” with an A?
Pinkie: What’s wrong with making a word look silly?
The shit exploded all over Applejack’s face and into her mouth. The stench was atrocious and caused Applejack to throw up in her mouth. It remained in her mouth, as it couldn’t escape.
Pinkie: She could always swallow it.
AJ: PINKIE! Of all the people or ponies ah’d ever expect to hear that from-
Applejack realised that she could either keep the vomit in her mouth or swallow it. The taste of vomit and shit was too foul for Applejack though, so she decided to swallow it.
AJ: You were RIGHT!?
Pinkie: It happens!
She realised she couldn’t swallow it all at once, so she started to swallow small amounts. While this was happening Twilight had started crying because of what she had done. Pinkie and Rarity just stood there, silent.
Rarity: I’m in shock at this. I cannot believe that even the “Great and Powerful” Trixie would go this far for revenge!
Fallen: Maybe I should write her into the next riff to test that.
Rarity: What did you-
Fallen: Look, a story!
“Oh my god!” yelled a shocked Trixie on the intercom. “I can’t believe you just did that to your friend Twilight Sparkle! That is truly sick.
Fluttershy: I agree with Trixie...
You could have held it in and let your bowels explode!”
Twilight didn’t bother responding. She just stood there with her head down, tears in her eyes.
Trixie sighed. “You guys are all boring.”
Fallen: I second that opinion.
Twilight: WHAT!? How can you just brush off something this... this... REVOLTING!?
Fallen: Well, I’ve already seen the movie, so there’s no shock value to be had for me anymore. Eventually it just desensitizes you.
All of a sudden, a gas filled the room, which caused the four ponies to pass out.
Dash: Yeah, their passout count is higher than ours. Only lost one so far.
Fallen: What do you mean we- oh, goddammit, somepony wake up Fluttershy.
Twilight re-awoke in a field somewhere. The grass was green, the shy was a cloudless blue
Fluttershy: But... but my coat is yellow.
and birds were chirping, but in the middle of this peace was a monstrosity. A twelve legged monster that was once four innocent girls.
Pinkie: Wouldn’t it be sixteen legs?
Standing before Twilight was Trixie and beside her was Spike! She was keeping Spike on a leash.
Twilight: YOU LEAVE SPIKE OUT OF THIS!!
“I’m so glad you’re awake,” said Trixie, with a psychotic glee in her voice. “Spike is too, aren’t you Spike?”
Fallen: I’m sure he’s thrilled to see his crush, his employer/sister figure, and two of their best friends sewn together ass to mouth.
“Leave Spike alone!” Twilight yelled.
“Twilight, I won’t hurt your little buddy Spike,” Trixie explained. “Infact, I’ll allow all his wildest fantasies come true.”
Fallen: Oh god, I know where this is going...
AJ: Ah think ah do too. Was rape in the movie too?
Fallen: No it was not. So now I can say for sure that this goes even MORE too far.
Twilight: Was that even grammatically correct?
Fallen: The fucks I don’t give are infinite.
Both Twilight and Spike looked at Trixie unsure of what she was on about.
“I know about Spike’s crush on Rarity,” Trixie began to explain.
Fluttershy: How?
“So I assumed Spike would enjoy… having some fun with her.”
Fluttershy: WHY!?
Spike looked Twilight in the eyes looking for answers on what Trixie was talking about, but was met with a look of the same confusion he felt.
Dash: Everypony here already gets it. None of us are that stupid. ESPECIALLY not Twilight.
“Still unsure?” Trixie wondered. “Thought you were smart Twilight. I’ll put it simply for both of you. Spike is a male with a penis, Rarity is a female with a vagina. When a male is attracted to a female, he may feel the urge to…”
Pinkie: I noticed the stork was missing from that.
Twilight suddenly realised what Trixie was implying
Rarity: Why call it an implication if it was so blatant?
and yelled out. “NO!”
“Spike obviously wants it,” said Trixe, looking down at Spike.
“Not this way!” Spike protested. “She’s helpless and obviously doesn’t want it.”
Fallen: Aww, the story’s trying to pretend it knows what morals are! Isn’t that just precious?
“Irrelevant,” snorted Trixie. “Her needs don’t matter right now. She’s going to die soon. Actually, you’re doing her a favour Spike. You are allowing Rarity to feel the joy sex before she dies.”
Trixie started laughing like a maniac. “Anyway, either you can defile her and go free or you can cherish her virginity and die.
Fallen: There’s no way in hell a pony like Rarity is a virgin. Hell, you basically ADMITTED that-
Rarity: YES, WELL! Why don’t we just move on with the story? We’ll continue this discussion never.
It amuses me either way.”
Spike was unsure of what to do. It seemed wrong to take advantage of Rarity in her position but he didn’t want to die.
Fallen: I was always under the impression that Spike would be the type to give his life for Rarity.
Twilight: You forget what state she’s in right now. Death would be a mercy.
Fallen: But we’re talking about Spike screwing her, not killing her.
Twilight: Right. That’s just more suffering on top of what she’s going through now. So... there’s really no winning outcome. I can’t say which route it should go.
Fallen: But we know which route it WILL go...
“Why are you doing this?’ Twilight asked, angrily.
Twilight wanted to charge her but she realised it would be too hard for them all to move in unison.
“Originally, it was for revenge,” Trixie started to explain. “But now it’s more then that… I just find it really fun to watch people suffer!”
Fallen: Sounds like the mentality of anyone going to see a Hostel movie or a Saw sequel.
Trixie looked at Spike. “Make your decision dear.”
Spike looked towards Twilight but was met with a stare of uncertainty. He suddenly muffled words coming from Rarity in the back.
Dash: Wait, then who was talking? Spike or Rarity?
He decided to walk up to Rarity to see if he could comprehend what she was trying to say.
“What do you want Rarity?” Spike asked.
Rarity: “Well, if you’re offering, I saw the most gorgeous ribbons in the crafts store the other day...”
Rarity started trying to explain what she was thinking but it was too unintelligible for Spike to comprehend.
AJ: She was speakin’ in Fancy.
“Rarity!” Twilight suddenly yelled out. “If you are ok with Spike doing this stomp your hoof once. If not, do it twice.”
Spike looked at Rarity’s legs for the indication. She stomped her hoof… once, much like Applejack. She was giving up her comfort for someone else, much like Applejack.
Rarity: She was also very tired of reading about her own torture.
AJ: Much like Applejack.
“Go ahead Spike,” Trixie yelled out.
Spike got behind Rarity. “Thank you Rarity, and I am sorry.”
Pinkie: Why be sorry? Isn’t it fun?
Fallen: Did you just call rape fun?
Pinkie: It’s not rape if she said yes!
Fallen: It’s rape if she didn’t WANT to say yes!
Spike put his hands on either side of her flank. Rarity’s smooth beautiful fur caused Spike to become erect. He elevated him self so he could insert his now erect penis into Rarity’s vagina.
Twilight: This technically counts as pedophilia, doesn’t it?
Fluttershy: I don’t like this...
Twilight: How do you think it feels for ME?
He slowly inserts it at first and keeps repeating in a thrusting motion, slowly gaining speed. Trixie stood watching on, looking pleased about was she was watching.
Fallen: I don’t know if I’m more bothered by Trixie enjoying this or by the tense shift.
Rarity was trying to moan but was stopped by the fact her mouth was stitched to Pinkie’s behind.
Fallen: And another thing. I get Twilight being part of this, and I can sort of understand Applejack and Rarity, but what did PINKIE PIE ever do to her?
Pinkie: Can we not talk about it?
Fallen: Wait, that’s the same answer you gave when you were asked if you-
Pinkie: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT IT?
This went on for a few minutes until Spike came. Spike removed himself from his mounted position and just sat on the grass, looking disturbed. Like what he just did was completely wrong.
Twilight and Rarity: IT WAS.
“Very good Spike,” said Trixie, sounding proud of him. “I really thought you weren’t going to do it.”
Spike remained sitting there, looking like he committed some horrible crime.
“I guess you can go now,” Trixie said, teleporting Spike away.
Dash: So we don’t even get to see how he’s really taking this?
Trixie moved back in front of Twilight. “See this purple line? Follow it.”
Trixie suddenly teleported away and Twilight looked at the purple line that cut across the field. It went beyond the horizon.
Fallen: And into the space between spaces.
“When I say right, we must all move our right legs forward at once,” Twilight ordered. “When I say left, you must move you left leg. Got it”
With saying that, the monster started moving along the line.
Pinkie: It’s like a conga line!
After a few hours of travelling, the monstrous entity stumbled across a run down shack. Twilight stopped yelling orders so everyone could rest.
Fallen: Or she yelled the order for them to rest.
“You made it!” said a cheerful voice. It was Trixie. She was emerging from the shack with a cage in her hand.
AJ: Uh... “hand?”
Fluttershy: This can’t be a humanized story, can it?
Fallen: It’s not. This writer’s just incompetent.
“I thought you would get lost a miss out on the next act.”
Twilight looked into the cage and noticed three small ponies crammed in there. It was the Cutie Mark Crusaders!
AJ and Rarity: YOU LEAVE MY SISTER OUT OF THIS!!
“Leave them alone!” yelled Twilight.
“But that’s not fun,” Trixie whined.
Twilight: You know what else isn’t fun? Life in prison for torture, kidnapping, and murder.
Pinkie: Maybe I could get everypony to lighten up if I went to jail!
The girls were lifeless in the cage, as if they were already dead.
Fluttershy: It killed the Crusaders!?
Pinkie: You’re... not gonna like the last story.
“I was expecting one of you to be dead already,” confessed Trixie. “If you want things right, you’ve got to do them yourself.”
Trixie used her magic to pull a sharp knife from the shack. She pointed the knife towards the centipede, trying to decide whom to kill.
Rarity: I know how awful it sounds for me to try and help in this process, but if you want the centipede to be able to continue moving, killing one of the middle ponies would be counterproductive. If you had to kill one, it would have to be me.
“Pinkie seems dead already, she’ll do,” Trixie decided.
Rarity: So of course she chooses Pinkie Pie instead.
Pinkie: YAY! I’m finally really in the story!
Fluttershy: You’re looking forward to this!?
Pinkie: Duh! This doesn’t even faze me!
Fallen: I know that feel. I’ve developed an immunity to gore too.
Trixie brought the knife towards her and put it on the ground. She then walked over to the cage and woke the CMC up.
“Hey girls!” said Trixie, in a voice that was actually somewhat comforting. “I want one of you to take this knife, slash Pinkie’s throat, harvest her organs and give them to me.”
AJ: What would Trixie want with Pinkie’s organs?
Fallen: Maybe she thinks consuming Pinkie Pie will grant her unlimited power.
Twilight: I thought Trixie wanted to do this herself. Why is she using the Cutie Mark Crusaders to do it?
The girls started shaking in fear.
“Ok, Scootaloo, you will do it,” Trixie commanded, still using the same tone as before. “If you do, I won’t hurt you, or your friends.”
Dash: Not that I’m telling you how to emotionally break ponies, but if you wanted to really scar Scootaloo for life, shouldn’t I be part of the centipede?
Scootaloo looked at her friends and took the knife. She walked up to Pinkie Pie but realised that she could not reach her throat.
AJ: Does that mean we don’t have to see any more torture?
“Here little one, this spell will strengthen your wings,” Trixie explained, casting a spell on Scootaloo.
AJ: Aw, ponyfeathers...
Scootaloo used her wings to elevate her self to the level of Pinkie’s throat. She slashed straight across the throat. Blood started leaking heavily and Pinkie quickly died. All the ponies around started crying, except for Trixie.
Fallen: I imagine Trixie would be that one jackass at a funeral who’s trying to make jokes at the expense of the deceased.
Scootaloo then used the knife to cut open Pinkie’s stomach and harvest her organs. Scootaloo was covered in blood, and was now pulling organs out of Pinkie’s body.
Pinkie: I’ve got it! I know why Trixie wants my organs!
Twilight: Does it have anything to do with baking pastries?
Pinkie: Wow, you’re good!
“Good child,” said Trixie, using her magic to put the organs into the shack and take away the knife from Scootaloo. “You must all be hungry right?”
Fluttershy: W-well... at least she’s feeding them...?
Trixie used the knife to cut open Pinkie’s head. She broke through the skull and her brains were showing. “I want you girls to eat her brain, my treat.”
Fluttershy: EEP!
AJ: Twice in one story? Is that a squeakin’ record?
Fallen: No, she did it a lot more the first time I was with her.
Dash: That’s what she-
Fallen: I’m going to shoot you through the wings if you finish that sentence.
Scootaloo realised it was wise to just listen to this lunatic and started eating the brain. It was chewy and tasted terrible.
Rarity: I would imagine so! What could be appetizing about brains?
Pinkie: I dunno, but zombies like them a lot!
“Very good Scootaloo, you may leave,” said Trixie. “You can probably fly to Cloudsdale to go get Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.”
Fallen: That’s not gonna bite her in the ass at ALL.
Scootaloo decided to fly away immediately.
Trixie looked at Applebloom and Sweetie Bell. “Since Scootaloo participated so well, you don’t have to eat the brain. But you must come with me.”
Fallen: Why did I just think of Trixie as Arnold Schwarzenegger there?
Trixie suddenly cast a spell on Sweetie Bell and Applebloom rendering them unconscious. Trixie then gathered their almost lifeless bodies and put them in the cage. Twilight was two busy crying over the loss of Pinkie Pie to
Twilight: use the right “too” for the occasion.
bother yelling or doing anything.
“I suggest you use this red line to follow me to the next point,” Trixie said, looking at the red line moving towards the horizon.
Dash: Lines on the ground must really like the horizon.
Trixie suddenly vanished with the cage. Twilight stood there, pondering if they should move along the red line.
“Girls,” Twilight began, still distressed about what just transpired. “If we go to the next point, we may possibly die.
Rarity: Just the slightest chance of death.
Fluttershy: This won’t end well, will it?
Fallen: Does it ever?
Do you guys want to, or should we just wait for death here.”
Both Applejack and Rarity clopped their hooves once, indicating yes.
“Very well…” Twilight realised that they probably feared for their sister’s safety. “Right!”
Fallen: WRONG!!!
AJ: Ya gonna stop doin’ that anytime soon?
Fallen: Probably not.
Twilight: Would we even be able to move the way the story says we are? Even when we just walk normally, we don’t use both right legs at once!
The monster then marched on towards the horizon, where Twilight felt they would meet their final fate.
Pinkie: So it’s their... final destination?
Fallen: Really, Pinkie?
Meanwhile in Cloudsdale, Scootaloo found Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
“Scootaloo!” Rainbow Dash was surprised by her presence. “I thought you couldn’t fly?”
Fallen: And then Dom Cobb woke up again.
Scootalo then explained to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy what was happening. Fluttershy fell absolutely silent from the news.
“We have to go down there and stop her!” demanded Rainbow Dash.
Twilight: Out of curiosity, Rainbow, if this ever happened to us, what would you do?
Dash: If I ever found whoever did it, I’d make “Cupcakes” look like a cartoon for five-year-old fillies.
Fluttershy started breathing really heavily. “THAT MONSTER!” Fluttershy snapped from hearing what happened. “WE NEED TO GO DOWN THERE NOW A DESTROY HER!”
Both Scootaloo and Rainbow were surprised with Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: I’m not sure why. I really don’t like when somepony hurts my friends.
“Lead us to them Scoots,” said Rainbow Dash.
Scootaloo started flying, with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash following her.
Fallen: Unfortunately, Scootaloo took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
The entity of death and suffering had been moving for an hour along the red line. Even though they had the dead weight of Pinkie’s rotting carcass,
Twilight: Again, between Applejack and Rarity. Pinkie’s body would be either dragging on the ground or hanging between them. And I doubt Trixie’s much of a surgeon, so those stitches might start to come apart if she’s just hanging. And would her body really start rotting that quickly?
Dash: Wow. Write an essay, why don’t you?
Twilight: Maybe I will!
they still made it. They could see Trixie, sitting under a single apple tree, on top of the cage that held Sweetie and Applebloom.
Rarity: The cage that was small enough for her to hold in her “hand” moments ago?
“You made it!” yelled Trixie, using her magic to move them a bit closer. “Thought you might have given up. If that was the case… I would have had to murder these sweet, young Phillies.”
Fallen: Why are we in Philadelphia?
Fluttershy: Don’t you mean-
Fallen: Human city, different name.
“What do you want us to do?” asked Twilight, in physical and emotional pain.
“For you all to suffer,” Trixie explained. “It’s really fun watching you suffer.”
“Just kill us already!” Twilight screamed, tears streaming down her face.
AJ: She says what we’re all thinkin’.
“I’ll get to that,” Trixie explained. “Actually… Applebloom and Sweeie Bell will get to it.”
Trixie suddenly opened the cage and woke the little Phillies up.
“Hey Sweeties,” said Trixie, trying to sound comforting. “You two are going to kill your sisters.”
Rarity: How could Sweetie Belle do such a thing!?
Pinkie: Same way Apple Bloom could in “Cupcakes?”
“They’re not here!” yelled Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: And the Darwin Award goes to...
Scootaloo has led Rainbow and Fluttershy to the shack that she last saw the centipede.
“They were here,” Scootaloo’s voice was trembling. “I swear!”
The floor was still stained with Pinkie’s blood, and a bit of her brain matter.
AJ: But they still didn’t believe her and left.
Fluttershy: APPLEJACK!
AJ: At least ah’m tryin’.
“Maybe Trixie moved them away,” Scootaloo suggested.
Fluttershy was still livid over what had happened. She was breathing heavily and looked like she was going to explode.
Pinkie: TWICE!
“That seems logical,” said Rainbow Dash, looking around. “What could be this red line?”
They all looked at the red line and wondered where it could lead.
Twilight: Gee, I wonder.
“This might lead us to them,” Scootaloo suggested.
“We might as well follow it,” said Rainbow Dash.
They started following the red line.
Rarity: Riveting. This story moves at such a breakneck pace.
“No!” cried the two Phillies.
“It’s either you but them out of their misery, or I kill you,” Trixie explained.
AJ: This may be even sicker than the clopfic we just read about Apple Bloom.
Pinkie: Oh, you’re REALLY gonna hate the NEXT clopfic about Apple Bloom!
AJ: NEXT!?
Applebloom and Sweetie Bell both looked at each other, with tears in their eyes.
“Do it girls,” Twilight interrupted. They were shocked with Twilight. “They don’t want to be like this girls. Please, help them by ending it.”
Fluttershy: I can’t look...
The phillies couldn’t believe what they were hearing.
“DO IT!” Twilight screamed.
“Very smart Twilight,” said Trixie, walking over too Twilight. Suddenly, Trixie snapped Twilight’s to front legs.
Dash: Was there a point to that?
Twilight: Is there a point to ANY of this?
Twilight screamed from the pain of her bones shattering.
“Girls, please take these knives,” Trixie started to explain their gruesome task. “Cut open their stomachs the bash their organs with these hammers until they die.”
AJ: That’s a bit much, ain’t it?
Rarity: Where’s the harm in letting us go quickly?
Pinkie: Where’s the FUN in letting you go quickly?
Fallen: I’m starting to worry about you, Pinkie.
Sweetie Bell and Applebloom took the knives. They then stood directly under their respective sisters. Twilight could feel Applejack trying to scream from the pain of the knife tearing through her flesh. Twilight realised that Rarity was going through the same torture.
Fallen: REALLY now.
Once the incisions where made, the phillies pulled it apart so they could fit the hammers into the cavity.
AJ: Wouldn’t it work better to let the organs spill out so y’all could hit ‘em easier?
Fallen: How is this story actually making us contemplate all this!?
Next, Twilight could hear the thumping and squelching of the hammers against the insides of the two ponies.
Fallen: STOP!
Twilight: Why?
Pinkie: OH! OH! I know where he’s going with this!
Twilight: Where? Because it doesn’t make any sense for him to just-
Fallen: Hammertime!
Twilight: (slaps Fallen) That was stupid, and you already made that joke.
After 5 minutes of the torture, Twilight felt Applejack go limp. The noises stopped and everything went silent. The two phillies dropped the weapons and sat there, covered in their sisters’ blood.
Pinkie: Another blood shower!
Dash: You get way too into these.
“I guess you two may leave now,” Trixie said, teleporting them away. She looked away from Twilight and looked to the sky. “I guess it’s your tur-“
Trixe stopped talking due to a sudden force stopping her from moving. She was then turned towards Twilight. Twilight was using her magic.
Fluttershy: Can unicorns use magic without their horns?
Twilight: I actually don’t know, and I’d rather not find out.
Beside her were Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
“You forget about the magic of friendship Trixie,” Twilight started to explain. “You may have killed some of my friends, but they are still here in spirit.”
Fallen: Hello, “Bittersweet” flashbacks.
Fluttershy walked up to the paralysed Trixie. “Time for you to die.”
Fluttershy started beating Trixie until she went limp. Fluttersgy was covered in Trixie’s blood but she had avenged her dead friends.
AJ: Friends? But ah don’t know anypony named Fluttersgy.
Dash: Neither do I.
Twilight looked to Rainbow Dash. “Kill me.”
Rarity: She really DOES have access to the thoughts of the readers!
“What?” Rainbow was shocked by Twilight’s request.
“I don’t want to live any more after what I went through,” Twilight explained, sounding almost as soft as Fluttershy. “Plus, my legs are broken and I have no horn. I’m useless.”
Twilight: Broken legs heal. And I was just using magic without a horn.
Twilight started to cough.
“No Twilight!” said Fluttershy, in her normal quiet nature.
“Do it,” Twilight insisted. “Take one of those knifes and slash my throat.”
Fallen: Wow. You’re so traumatized that you can’t even say “knives.” Maybe you SHOULD be put out of your misery.
Fluttershy: FALLEN!
Rainbow went over to one of the knives and picked it up.
“Thank you Rainbow, thank you.”
The End
Rarity: Thank you, story. Thank you.
Fallen: I think we’ve earned a break. This one was a lot longer than the last few.
Fallen: Okay, now I can see why the author insisted this was different from The Human Centipede.
AJ: Ya said the sex wasn’t in it, ah know.
Fallen: Yeah. Plus, it was used for torture rather than science, there are four segments rather than three, and none of them are KILLED in the original. The front guy killed himself, and the back girl died on her own, leaving the girl in the middle stuck in place with no one to help her.
AJ: Wait. The scene with the-
Fallen: With the shit? That was in the movie.
Fluttershy: I can see why that’s the most awful horror movie you’ve seen!
Fallen: Well, that’s only because I never saw the sequel. Or A Serbian Film. Those are said to be FAR worse, and from what I’ve heard and seen from others, they really are.
Fluttershy: Why would these even exist!? Who would WATCH these!?
Fallen: REALLY sick fucks would be my first guess.
Twilight: You’re not kidding. Why is there even a market for this gross-out horror stuff?
Fallen: I can’t imagine. There’s also one for needlessly elaborate and gory deaths. It’s what kept Saw and Final Destination running, and they could get REALLY convoluted.
Rarity: And why would you know this about those series?
Fallen: Because... they’re kind of guilty pleasures for me. They’re flawed as hell, but I’m entertained by them anyway.
AJ: How can ya like somethin’ that’s bad? That’s like enjoyin’ the taste of a rotten apple!
Fallen: Come on. You girls must all have at least one.
Dash: I get where you’re coming from. There are a couple weak stories in the Daring Do series, but I still think they’re all awesome!
Fallen: That’s the spirit!
Fluttershy: I think I have a few too. Mostly movies from my foalhood that I just like to look fondly back on and re-watch in my spare time.
Twilight: And there are so many books I’ve read that I like more than others that are “better” from a critical standpoint.
Rarity: I managed to save all of the dresses the rest of the girls commissioned me to design for our little fashion show. They hold far too much sentimental value for me to just get rid of them.
Pinkie: Does eating cupcakes and candy all the time count, since those are supposed to be bad FOR you?
Fallen: It absolutely does.
AJ: So... you’re saying this story’s a guilty pleasure for you?
Fallen: FUCK no! It was complete, irredeemable shit! But you understand what I’m trying to say, right, AJ?
AJ: Ah guess ah do. If ah had to think of one... well, sometimes ah kinda like to use my rope to-
Pinkie: OKAY, moving on! The next story is called “repopulating alicorns!” I hope you like OC clopfics, because this one’s a doozy!
Fallen: If it’s not OC X canon, I’ll be fine.
Pinkie: It’s not. But you’ll wish it was!
Fallen: Yeah, we’ll see about that. It already says “alicorns” in the title, so I’m not looking forward to this.
Twilight: Not to mention the fact that nothing’s capitalized in the title.
Rarity: This is going to HURT, isn’t it.
Pinkie: When doesn’t it?
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
AJ: Ya said the sex wasn’t in it, ah know.
Fallen: Yeah. Plus, it was used for torture rather than science, there are four segments rather than three, and none of them are KILLED in the original. The front guy killed himself, and the back girl died on her own, leaving the girl in the middle stuck in place with no one to help her.
AJ: Wait. The scene with the-
Fallen: With the shit? That was in the movie.
Fluttershy: I can see why that’s the most awful horror movie you’ve seen!
Fallen: Well, that’s only because I never saw the sequel. Or A Serbian Film. Those are said to be FAR worse, and from what I’ve heard and seen from others, they really are.
Fluttershy: Why would these even exist!? Who would WATCH these!?
Fallen: REALLY sick fucks would be my first guess.
Twilight: You’re not kidding. Why is there even a market for this gross-out horror stuff?
Fallen: I can’t imagine. There’s also one for needlessly elaborate and gory deaths. It’s what kept Saw and Final Destination running, and they could get REALLY convoluted.
Rarity: And why would you know this about those series?
Fallen: Because... they’re kind of guilty pleasures for me. They’re flawed as hell, but I’m entertained by them anyway.
AJ: How can ya like somethin’ that’s bad? That’s like enjoyin’ the taste of a rotten apple!
Fallen: Come on. You girls must all have at least one.
Dash: I get where you’re coming from. There are a couple weak stories in the Daring Do series, but I still think they’re all awesome!
Fallen: That’s the spirit!
Fluttershy: I think I have a few too. Mostly movies from my foalhood that I just like to look fondly back on and re-watch in my spare time.
Twilight: And there are so many books I’ve read that I like more than others that are “better” from a critical standpoint.
Rarity: I managed to save all of the dresses the rest of the girls commissioned me to design for our little fashion show. They hold far too much sentimental value for me to just get rid of them.
Pinkie: Does eating cupcakes and candy all the time count, since those are supposed to be bad FOR you?
Fallen: It absolutely does.
AJ: So... you’re saying this story’s a guilty pleasure for you?
Fallen: FUCK no! It was complete, irredeemable shit! But you understand what I’m trying to say, right, AJ?
AJ: Ah guess ah do. If ah had to think of one... well, sometimes ah kinda like to use my rope to-
Pinkie: OKAY, moving on! The next story is called “repopulating alicorns!” I hope you like OC clopfics, because this one’s a doozy!
Fallen: If it’s not OC X canon, I’ll be fine.
Pinkie: It’s not. But you’ll wish it was!
Fallen: Yeah, we’ll see about that. It already says “alicorns” in the title, so I’m not looking forward to this.
Twilight: Not to mention the fact that nothing’s capitalized in the title.
Rarity: This is going to HURT, isn’t it.
Pinkie: When doesn’t it?
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
it was a beautiful day in canterlot mainly in the royal gardens.
Twilight: DREAD.
Fallen: The spelling’s fine, though. Because the author went and revised it later.
Twilight: The spelling is ALL THE AUTHOR FIXED?
Rarity: No grammar? No punctuation?
Fluttershy: No deleting the story entirely?
Fallen: Suck it up.
"ahhhh" i said as i let out a breath of pure bliss when i smelled one of the exotic flowers.
with my mind slowly easing into some far off land, i slumped down to the bottom of a large apple tree
AJ: Ah feel personally offended.
"I
Pinkie: AAAAHHHH! A CAPITAL LETTER!
couldn't ask for a more perfect day the sun is shining and there's not a cloud in the sky. nothing can-"
Dash: BOOM! She exploded!
"FLITTERBLOOM! WERE ARE YOU!?" some pony yelled out from behind me bringing my mind back home
Fallen: Stupid name. Granted, the toyline’s LOADED with stupid names, so this is... I’ll just say canon stupid.
"over here" i droned
Fluttershy: Flitterbloom’s a bee?
as i got up and stepped out from behind the tree.
"well there you are Flitter I have been looking everywhere for you Celestia wants to see us" said a green alicorn named Lera
Fallen: Okay, THAT name’s inexcusable. As is the fact that both these assholes are alicorns.
Twilight: You know the period button exists. I noticed that. BUT CAN YOU USE IT MORE OFTEN, AUTHOR?
"What would Celestia want with us?" i thought to myself following Lera to the castle.
AJ: Ah hope it involves the moon.
when we got to the large doors we both looked at each other and them back at the doors knowing exactly what to do
Dash: Off themselves and put themselves out of our misery.
*poof*
Pinkie: They both farted?
we both disappeared in a magical flash.
We both burst out laughing when we both reappeared on the other side of the door,
Twilight: Because teleportation is hilarious.
when we finally stop laughing we look to our sides to see that the guards are trying to suppress smiles but are not pleased at the same time
Fluttershy: Why are the guards laughing? Why are these two even laughing?
Rarity: Truly a mystery for the ages.
"we better get going" Lera said galloping off in the direction of the throne room
"well i guess i better get going as well" i said to no pony in particular
Fallen: Might want to do something about those voices and imaginary friends, Flitterbloom.
galloping off in the same direction
when i finally arrived at the doors to the throne room i seen that Lera was there waiting for me
AJ: There’s nothin’ endearin’ me to her, so ah can’t see why he would.
"what took you so long Flitter, the guards said that the princess is getting worked up waiting for us" Lera said mockingly
"you took off a little bit before me, plus your a stallion and I'm a mare you can run longer" i said panting and ticked off
Rarity: And hello, misogyny.
"well lets get going then, can't keep the princess waiting can we now" Lera said impersonating a british pony
Fallen: I can’t stand when a fic throws in a reference to a human location. Especially not when it’s something like this where it has no place.
i turned to nod at one of the guards to open the doors when suddenly they opened by themselves
Fallen: Do ponies even have automatic doors?
Dash: We don’t use them a lot, but yeah, we’ve got ‘em.
"enter" said a seemingly bored princess.
We enter and get to the bottom of the stairs to the royal "throne" in a matter of seconds, we then do what's polite and bow down.
Twilight: Is it too much to ask for a story to keep its tenses consistent?
AJ: Eeyup, startin’ to look that way.
I immediately get back up to ask "celestia is there something wrong?"
"no my student,
Twilight: NO! NO! NO!
but i have a request for you both"
as we hear this both me and Lera start listening intently
Rarity: (yawn) What? Oh, no, do continue.
"the request i have is this, as you both know the amount of royal alicorns is minimal and very few are male you two are the only ones that do not have any royal duties, as Lera is male and Flitterbloom is female, i need you two to make the next generation of alicorns"
Fallen: Jesus! Hefty sentence, don’t you think?
i look at Celestia with a you-said-what-now face, stunned at what i just heard
"wait you mean we have too..." Lera asked blushing furiously
Fluttershy: “Mate like rabbits? I’m afraid so.”
Dash: Wow, ‘Shy. Didn’t think you had it in you.
"yes you both have to couple" Celestia said unphazed at the request she is giving us.
Pinkie: She forces people to have sex all the time!
'oh sweet luna i have to have him inside me' i thought to myself
AJ: Whoa, nelly! Where’d THAT come from!?
Fallen: The very edge of the universe itself...
AJ: ...what?
Fallen: What?
"when" i asked
"right now" Celestia said teleporting us to a royal room
Twilight: Tell me somepony else is as baffled as I am.
Fluttershy: This isn’t anything like Princess Celestia. ...is it?
Twilight: Of course not!
i examined the room i see the room has only one bed off to the left is
a bathroom and a to the right was a yard with a hot-spring and garden
Rarity: Is... is that a sentence?
Fallen: I don’t even know if that’s English.
"wow would you look at this" Lera said in awe "i cant Believe we get this all to ourselves"
"to yourself maybe but i won't stand for this! i'm leaving"
Fallen: “You are TEARING ME APART, Lera!”
i huffed turning on the spot to see that there was no door to be found. "well thats just great i can't leave even if i wanted to, celestia probably put a anti-teleportation spell around this room"
Dash: You could always, y’know, TEST THAT before just assuming.
Fluttershy: And weren’t you ready to mate a few minutes ago?
must be the opposite of the pro-teleportation spell celestia used when she was training me to fly i thought to myself with thought on how in possibility that thought came upon me because i knew that nether would need the same thought process to execute
AJ: Twilight, is any of that even true?
Twilight: I can’t tell. I can barely read it. But I’ll tentatively say no.
i might as well go along with this as we wont get out of here if we don't
Pinkie: This is what you wanted, Flitterbloom! Lighten up!
turning to face lera i said hesitantly "soooo... do you want to go in the hotspring with me?"
"i guess if you want to as well, do you?" Lera said crossing his legs applejack style
AJ: Do these two know who ah am? Do ah need a restrainin’ order?
"well lets go then" i say walking outside in the direction of the hot spring but as i walked passed Lera i made sure to move my tail in a way so that he could get a glimpse of my marehood
Rarity: Do you want to mate with him or not? Make up your mind!
Fallen: Does “marehood” even mean anything? It’s probably the stupidest vagina euphemism I’ve ever seen.
when i got to the hot spring i jumped in in a way that made no splash
Fallen: And BAM! Mary Sue.
"ahhh" i exhaled at the feeling of the hot water "come in Lera" looking over at the regal doors i see Lera, blushing. As i look a little bit lower i see that he is at half mast.
Fluttershy: Oh my...
Fallen: Okay, at this point I think I’d prefer it if they just bludgeoned me with the sex stuff, because these are FUCKING STUPID.
"i hope thats not your tail, lera cause if it is I'm disappointed in you " i quipped suductivly
Twilight: That’s the exact OPPOSITE of a word.
Dash: And how do you be seductive while making fun of the guy’s junk?
"come on in, the waters nice"
and with that i lowered my head slowly under the water whilst casting a spell which will allow me to breathe under water
Fallen: MARY. FUCKING. SUE.
just as i was fully submerged i see two green legs slowly enter into the water, followed by a green and yellow cock.
Rarity: Oh, sweet brain bleach, how I long for you...
Fluttershy: If you find any, can you share?
Rarity: I don’t know... I worry that you may be becoming addicted.
Swimming up to him and his beautiful cock
Fallen: I’d like to note that a male author wrote that sentence.
i put both my hooves on his legs and hoist myself up above the water
"i hope your ready for a bit of fun cause your pride and joy says otherwise" i say looking down to see if i was correct, which i wasn't "good you proved me wrong for once"
Rarity: I simply cannot become invested in this. The two have no chemistry whatsoever!
Pinkie: Maybe they were physics majors instead?
sinking back down below the water once again i start to rub lera's family jewels slowly making it elicit pre which dissipates into the water
AJ: This is puttin’ awful things in my mind.
Twilight: What else is new?
just as a i was about to put lera's cock into my mouth a feel his hooves pulling me above the water
Dash: Everything about this makes my head hurt.
"flitter i don't think its healthy for us to do this in the water" he said "but i think this is"
pulling me into the most passionate kiss i have ever received made me moan in bliss
Pinkie: Moaning when you kiss? Wouldn’t that feel kinda funny for the other guy?
after what seemed like hours Lera pulled away from the kiss "i think we should take this to the bed shall we" he said in a low but sweet voice that made my heart melt
Fallen: That’s an interesting cause of death. Melting of the heart.
"i think we shall" i said with my eyes nearly shut
-------------------
Twilight: You could just say it was a seductive stare. This makes her sound tired.
Fallen: Or stoned.
the beginnings of my first clop
Rarity: Beginnings!?
Pinkie: Yep! The story’s unfinished!
Fallen: Please tell me you won’t make me revisit it if it updates...
Pinkie: I wasn’t going to, but that sounds like a GREAT idea now!
Fallen: FUCK.
constructive criticism only
Dash: Ha! Too late!
Fallen: Break time. I need to be able to feel my ideas again.
Twilight: DREAD.
Fallen: The spelling’s fine, though. Because the author went and revised it later.
Twilight: The spelling is ALL THE AUTHOR FIXED?
Rarity: No grammar? No punctuation?
Fluttershy: No deleting the story entirely?
Fallen: Suck it up.
"ahhhh" i said as i let out a breath of pure bliss when i smelled one of the exotic flowers.
with my mind slowly easing into some far off land, i slumped down to the bottom of a large apple tree
AJ: Ah feel personally offended.
"I
Pinkie: AAAAHHHH! A CAPITAL LETTER!
couldn't ask for a more perfect day the sun is shining and there's not a cloud in the sky. nothing can-"
Dash: BOOM! She exploded!
"FLITTERBLOOM! WERE ARE YOU!?" some pony yelled out from behind me bringing my mind back home
Fallen: Stupid name. Granted, the toyline’s LOADED with stupid names, so this is... I’ll just say canon stupid.
"over here" i droned
Fluttershy: Flitterbloom’s a bee?
as i got up and stepped out from behind the tree.
"well there you are Flitter I have been looking everywhere for you Celestia wants to see us" said a green alicorn named Lera
Fallen: Okay, THAT name’s inexcusable. As is the fact that both these assholes are alicorns.
Twilight: You know the period button exists. I noticed that. BUT CAN YOU USE IT MORE OFTEN, AUTHOR?
"What would Celestia want with us?" i thought to myself following Lera to the castle.
AJ: Ah hope it involves the moon.
when we got to the large doors we both looked at each other and them back at the doors knowing exactly what to do
Dash: Off themselves and put themselves out of our misery.
*poof*
Pinkie: They both farted?
we both disappeared in a magical flash.
We both burst out laughing when we both reappeared on the other side of the door,
Twilight: Because teleportation is hilarious.
when we finally stop laughing we look to our sides to see that the guards are trying to suppress smiles but are not pleased at the same time
Fluttershy: Why are the guards laughing? Why are these two even laughing?
Rarity: Truly a mystery for the ages.
"we better get going" Lera said galloping off in the direction of the throne room
"well i guess i better get going as well" i said to no pony in particular
Fallen: Might want to do something about those voices and imaginary friends, Flitterbloom.
galloping off in the same direction
when i finally arrived at the doors to the throne room i seen that Lera was there waiting for me
AJ: There’s nothin’ endearin’ me to her, so ah can’t see why he would.
"what took you so long Flitter, the guards said that the princess is getting worked up waiting for us" Lera said mockingly
"you took off a little bit before me, plus your a stallion and I'm a mare you can run longer" i said panting and ticked off
Rarity: And hello, misogyny.
"well lets get going then, can't keep the princess waiting can we now" Lera said impersonating a british pony
Fallen: I can’t stand when a fic throws in a reference to a human location. Especially not when it’s something like this where it has no place.
i turned to nod at one of the guards to open the doors when suddenly they opened by themselves
Fallen: Do ponies even have automatic doors?
Dash: We don’t use them a lot, but yeah, we’ve got ‘em.
"enter" said a seemingly bored princess.
We enter and get to the bottom of the stairs to the royal "throne" in a matter of seconds, we then do what's polite and bow down.
Twilight: Is it too much to ask for a story to keep its tenses consistent?
AJ: Eeyup, startin’ to look that way.
I immediately get back up to ask "celestia is there something wrong?"
"no my student,
Twilight: NO! NO! NO!
but i have a request for you both"
as we hear this both me and Lera start listening intently
Rarity: (yawn) What? Oh, no, do continue.
"the request i have is this, as you both know the amount of royal alicorns is minimal and very few are male you two are the only ones that do not have any royal duties, as Lera is male and Flitterbloom is female, i need you two to make the next generation of alicorns"
Fallen: Jesus! Hefty sentence, don’t you think?
i look at Celestia with a you-said-what-now face, stunned at what i just heard
"wait you mean we have too..." Lera asked blushing furiously
Fluttershy: “Mate like rabbits? I’m afraid so.”
Dash: Wow, ‘Shy. Didn’t think you had it in you.
"yes you both have to couple" Celestia said unphazed at the request she is giving us.
Pinkie: She forces people to have sex all the time!
'oh sweet luna i have to have him inside me' i thought to myself
AJ: Whoa, nelly! Where’d THAT come from!?
Fallen: The very edge of the universe itself...
AJ: ...what?
Fallen: What?
"when" i asked
"right now" Celestia said teleporting us to a royal room
Twilight: Tell me somepony else is as baffled as I am.
Fluttershy: This isn’t anything like Princess Celestia. ...is it?
Twilight: Of course not!
i examined the room i see the room has only one bed off to the left is
a bathroom and a to the right was a yard with a hot-spring and garden
Rarity: Is... is that a sentence?
Fallen: I don’t even know if that’s English.
"wow would you look at this" Lera said in awe "i cant Believe we get this all to ourselves"
"to yourself maybe but i won't stand for this! i'm leaving"
Fallen: “You are TEARING ME APART, Lera!”
i huffed turning on the spot to see that there was no door to be found. "well thats just great i can't leave even if i wanted to, celestia probably put a anti-teleportation spell around this room"
Dash: You could always, y’know, TEST THAT before just assuming.
Fluttershy: And weren’t you ready to mate a few minutes ago?
must be the opposite of the pro-teleportation spell celestia used when she was training me to fly i thought to myself with thought on how in possibility that thought came upon me because i knew that nether would need the same thought process to execute
AJ: Twilight, is any of that even true?
Twilight: I can’t tell. I can barely read it. But I’ll tentatively say no.
i might as well go along with this as we wont get out of here if we don't
Pinkie: This is what you wanted, Flitterbloom! Lighten up!
turning to face lera i said hesitantly "soooo... do you want to go in the hotspring with me?"
"i guess if you want to as well, do you?" Lera said crossing his legs applejack style
AJ: Do these two know who ah am? Do ah need a restrainin’ order?
"well lets go then" i say walking outside in the direction of the hot spring but as i walked passed Lera i made sure to move my tail in a way so that he could get a glimpse of my marehood
Rarity: Do you want to mate with him or not? Make up your mind!
Fallen: Does “marehood” even mean anything? It’s probably the stupidest vagina euphemism I’ve ever seen.
when i got to the hot spring i jumped in in a way that made no splash
Fallen: And BAM! Mary Sue.
"ahhh" i exhaled at the feeling of the hot water "come in Lera" looking over at the regal doors i see Lera, blushing. As i look a little bit lower i see that he is at half mast.
Fluttershy: Oh my...
Fallen: Okay, at this point I think I’d prefer it if they just bludgeoned me with the sex stuff, because these are FUCKING STUPID.
"i hope thats not your tail, lera cause if it is I'm disappointed in you " i quipped suductivly
Twilight: That’s the exact OPPOSITE of a word.
Dash: And how do you be seductive while making fun of the guy’s junk?
"come on in, the waters nice"
and with that i lowered my head slowly under the water whilst casting a spell which will allow me to breathe under water
Fallen: MARY. FUCKING. SUE.
just as i was fully submerged i see two green legs slowly enter into the water, followed by a green and yellow cock.
Rarity: Oh, sweet brain bleach, how I long for you...
Fluttershy: If you find any, can you share?
Rarity: I don’t know... I worry that you may be becoming addicted.
Swimming up to him and his beautiful cock
Fallen: I’d like to note that a male author wrote that sentence.
i put both my hooves on his legs and hoist myself up above the water
"i hope your ready for a bit of fun cause your pride and joy says otherwise" i say looking down to see if i was correct, which i wasn't "good you proved me wrong for once"
Rarity: I simply cannot become invested in this. The two have no chemistry whatsoever!
Pinkie: Maybe they were physics majors instead?
sinking back down below the water once again i start to rub lera's family jewels slowly making it elicit pre which dissipates into the water
AJ: This is puttin’ awful things in my mind.
Twilight: What else is new?
just as a i was about to put lera's cock into my mouth a feel his hooves pulling me above the water
Dash: Everything about this makes my head hurt.
"flitter i don't think its healthy for us to do this in the water" he said "but i think this is"
pulling me into the most passionate kiss i have ever received made me moan in bliss
Pinkie: Moaning when you kiss? Wouldn’t that feel kinda funny for the other guy?
after what seemed like hours Lera pulled away from the kiss "i think we should take this to the bed shall we" he said in a low but sweet voice that made my heart melt
Fallen: That’s an interesting cause of death. Melting of the heart.
"i think we shall" i said with my eyes nearly shut
-------------------
Twilight: You could just say it was a seductive stare. This makes her sound tired.
Fallen: Or stoned.
the beginnings of my first clop
Rarity: Beginnings!?
Pinkie: Yep! The story’s unfinished!
Fallen: Please tell me you won’t make me revisit it if it updates...
Pinkie: I wasn’t going to, but that sounds like a GREAT idea now!
Fallen: FUCK.
constructive criticism only
Dash: Ha! Too late!
Fallen: Break time. I need to be able to feel my ideas again.
Fallen: Alicorn OCs. Fucking alicorn OCs. EVERYTHING wrong with fucking alicorn OCs.
Dash: You’ve dealt with this kind of thing before?
Fallen: Outside of... all this... yes. I’ve got a LOT of hatred for alicorn OCs.
Dash: What’s wrong with them?
Fallen: For one thing, alicorns in general are incredibly powerful, and you don’t need to look any further than your princesses for examples of that. Alicorn OCs are mostly made to capitalize on that power and make them flawless and perfect. You know, Mary Sues and Gary Stus. Do you realize how hard it is to make an alicorn OC that WORKS?
Dash: I’ve never tried, so... I’m gonna say no.
Fallen: And making them perfect is in and of itself inaccurate for an alicorn. Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence are far from perfect.
Dash: You take that back!
Twilight: He’s right, Rainbow Dash. Princess Celestia can get a bit too playful at times, and I’ve seen screw-ups from her that would shatter her image that happened because she couldn’t take her duties seriously at a crucial moment. Needless to say, she’s... learned from that. Plus, we know what happened to Princess Luna a millennium ago, and I don’t need to remind you of everything that went wrong at Cadance’s wedding.
Dash: Wait, how much of that actually had to do with Cadance?
Twilight: Were you trapped in the caves beneath Canterlot with her?
Dash: Uh-
Twilight: There were a lot of desperate moments that you didn’t see and I’m not going to share.
Dash: O...kay. Fallen, you were saying?
Fallen: Well, Twilight summed that point up, but I’ve seen my fair share of VERY poor alicorn OCs and NO good ones. Casper from “That sweet sensation,” LightBlade from “Three of Me: School Society,” Iron Clad from “Living the Dream,” Flicker from “the flame...” and I’m just scratching the surface.
Dash: And your opinion of those stories is...
Fallen: Hatred. Contempt. In two cases, I’m working to redeem the stories, but the other two aren’t even worth my time. I swear, they’re the only thing I can stand less than human-in-Equestria stories.
Dash: And what’s the problem with those?
Fallen: In theory, nothing at all. But it’s butchered far too often in practice. In fact, one of the stories I mentioned was an HiE fic where humans turned into ponies, and I can’t even tell whether or not that pisses me off MORE.
Twilight: It can be made to work, though, can’t it?
Fallen: Oh, it can, and I’ve seen it work spectacularly. But for the most part, the humans are Gary Stus and/or self-inserts that become instant friends with you girls and thrive on making everything in Equestria suddenly revolve around them. With the occasional bedroom antics with one of you.
Twilight: You can’t be serious. TELL ME YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS.
Fallen: Does the name “Lance Greenfield” mean anything to you, Twilight?
Twilight: Who?
Fallen: And let’s hope it stays that way.
Twilight: Wait, wha-
Pinkie: Primey, are you setting up a segue to the next story on purpose?
Fallen: How would I even do that?
Rarity: At this point, I don’t doubt you would find a way.
AJ: You can be weirder than Pinkie sometimes, if ah’m bein’ perfectly honest.
Fallen: I might have to test that someday, but seriously, Pinkie, what the hell are you talking about?
Pinkie: The next story! “The Best Human in Equestria Story Ever!”
Fallen: Pinkie Pie... I like you, but I fucking hate you.
Fluttershy: But didn’t you hear the title? We might get a good story this time!
Fallen: You always fall for that, Fluttershy. But in time, that optimism will be squashed out of your system.
Fluttershy: I’m... not sure I’d like that...
Fallen: That’s the point.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Dash: You’ve dealt with this kind of thing before?
Fallen: Outside of... all this... yes. I’ve got a LOT of hatred for alicorn OCs.
Dash: What’s wrong with them?
Fallen: For one thing, alicorns in general are incredibly powerful, and you don’t need to look any further than your princesses for examples of that. Alicorn OCs are mostly made to capitalize on that power and make them flawless and perfect. You know, Mary Sues and Gary Stus. Do you realize how hard it is to make an alicorn OC that WORKS?
Dash: I’ve never tried, so... I’m gonna say no.
Fallen: And making them perfect is in and of itself inaccurate for an alicorn. Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence are far from perfect.
Dash: You take that back!
Twilight: He’s right, Rainbow Dash. Princess Celestia can get a bit too playful at times, and I’ve seen screw-ups from her that would shatter her image that happened because she couldn’t take her duties seriously at a crucial moment. Needless to say, she’s... learned from that. Plus, we know what happened to Princess Luna a millennium ago, and I don’t need to remind you of everything that went wrong at Cadance’s wedding.
Dash: Wait, how much of that actually had to do with Cadance?
Twilight: Were you trapped in the caves beneath Canterlot with her?
Dash: Uh-
Twilight: There were a lot of desperate moments that you didn’t see and I’m not going to share.
Dash: O...kay. Fallen, you were saying?
Fallen: Well, Twilight summed that point up, but I’ve seen my fair share of VERY poor alicorn OCs and NO good ones. Casper from “That sweet sensation,” LightBlade from “Three of Me: School Society,” Iron Clad from “Living the Dream,” Flicker from “the flame...” and I’m just scratching the surface.
Dash: And your opinion of those stories is...
Fallen: Hatred. Contempt. In two cases, I’m working to redeem the stories, but the other two aren’t even worth my time. I swear, they’re the only thing I can stand less than human-in-Equestria stories.
Dash: And what’s the problem with those?
Fallen: In theory, nothing at all. But it’s butchered far too often in practice. In fact, one of the stories I mentioned was an HiE fic where humans turned into ponies, and I can’t even tell whether or not that pisses me off MORE.
Twilight: It can be made to work, though, can’t it?
Fallen: Oh, it can, and I’ve seen it work spectacularly. But for the most part, the humans are Gary Stus and/or self-inserts that become instant friends with you girls and thrive on making everything in Equestria suddenly revolve around them. With the occasional bedroom antics with one of you.
Twilight: You can’t be serious. TELL ME YOU’RE NOT SERIOUS.
Fallen: Does the name “Lance Greenfield” mean anything to you, Twilight?
Twilight: Who?
Fallen: And let’s hope it stays that way.
Twilight: Wait, wha-
Pinkie: Primey, are you setting up a segue to the next story on purpose?
Fallen: How would I even do that?
Rarity: At this point, I don’t doubt you would find a way.
AJ: You can be weirder than Pinkie sometimes, if ah’m bein’ perfectly honest.
Fallen: I might have to test that someday, but seriously, Pinkie, what the hell are you talking about?
Pinkie: The next story! “The Best Human in Equestria Story Ever!”
Fallen: Pinkie Pie... I like you, but I fucking hate you.
Fluttershy: But didn’t you hear the title? We might get a good story this time!
Fallen: You always fall for that, Fluttershy. But in time, that optimism will be squashed out of your system.
Fluttershy: I’m... not sure I’d like that...
Fallen: That’s the point.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
I was jerking off to a picture of your aunt on Facebook
Fallen: I quit. Fuck you guys, I quit.
Pinkie: No you don’t. You don’t leave until I let you out, and I’m not letting you out until you sit through all these stories with us!
Fallen: Ugh...
when my penis began acting fucking weird.
Twilight: Is... is bizarre activity like that normal for human males?
Fallen: Not in the slightest.
It started wobbling on its own, which I thought was sexy as shit, so I started fingering my asshole.
Fallen: It was a REALLY bad idea to use “shit” and “asshole” in the same sentence.
Suddenly, my penis started growing pink ass hair. It turned into some pony thing that I may have heard about.
Fluttershy: Um... Fallen may have had the right idea-
Fallen: STAY.
She slid her asshole off of my penis and began sucking it.
Dash: Oh sweet Celestia... this is gonna be one of those stories where EVERY SENTENCE gives us material.
I was so turned on that I kicked this bitch right in the taco.
Rarity: Is that a euphemism for what I believe it is?
Fallen: I... think so?
Pinkie Pie came so hard that her pussy became a rocket that flew us out of her window and into space.
Twilight: Wouldn’t oxygen be a major concern?
Fallen: I covered that already a while back. Screw oxygen.
Pinkie Pie wasss still sucking my penis as we continue to fuck towards the sun.
Fallen: “I fuck in your general direction!”
The sun turned into a giant vagina and swallowed us up,
AJ: Are they... havin’ sex with Princess Celestia?
Fluttershy: I hope not...
where I found that we were flying over a colorful little town full of fuckable little ponies.
Fallen: And all horsefucker jokes I and others have made about stories like these take form.
As we got closer to the town, I punched Pinkie Pie in the face until the cunt took her mouth off of my penis. Pinkie ran away laughing.
Pinkie: I... don’t think I’d like getting punched in the face.
AJ: As ya shouldn’t, Pinkie.
“Wow,” said Rarity. “No one’s ever face-fucked Pinkie Pie with their fist before.”
Rarity: I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!
She then ran up to me and began sucking my penis with her vagina.
Fluttershy: That’s an... um... interesting way to put it...
Twilight Sparkle then levitated the both of us in the air and began fucking my asshole with her horn.
Twilight: Why would I ever do that!?
Rainbow Dash then shoved her cunt in my face until the lips of her vagina were around my neck.
Dash: That shouldn’t even be possible!
Fallen: I thought you learned from “PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP” that that never stops these stories.
“Hey look everybody,” I shouted. “I have a mask on.”
Fallen: From inside of Rainbow’s snatch. What.
Everyone laughed so hard that they all grew penises.
Fluttershy: I... don’t know how that works.
Pinkie: You never know! It could happen!
Twilight: No. It couldn’t.
I came on Rarity’s new penis,
Fallen: I thought you were still inside her.
while Rainbow Dash came on my face,
Fallen: And I thought her pussy was eating your face.
Dash: Did- did you seriously just say that about me!?
Fallen: Which answer means we don’t have this argument?
while Twilight came in my asshole with her horn.
Twilight: Why is the fandom so convinced that unicorns’ horns can do that? Or that they’re even erogenous zones?
Fallen: You ask as if I know.
Suddenly, I started turning inside out from my asshole until I turned into a pony with a 30 inch penis.
Fluttershy: ...I’m scared.
Rarity: Why?
Fluttershy: Because... my first thought was if he actually measured it...
Applejack got excited and began shoving my penis inside her asshole.
AJ: What.
She continued to shove my penis in her asshole until the head of my penis poked out of her throat.
AJ: WHAT.
Applejack then licked the head of my penis with her tongue, causing me to cum from my penis and out of her mouth.
AJ: WHAT.
Fallen: Holy shit, we broke Applejack. I didn’t think that could happen.
Fluttershy ran to the puddle of jizz on the floor and tried lapping it up.
Fluttershy: EEP!
All of the sudden, Shining Armor came out of nowhere and impaled that stupid bitch with his horn.
Twilight: Why would my brother do that!?
Pinkie: Because the story said so!
“Thank Captain Crunch,” I said. “I was so sick of that cunt.”
AJ: Uh... Fallen, when’d you get all those weapons?
Fallen: THIS STORY MUST DIE!
“Me too,” said Shining Armor. I then chewed Shining Armor’s asshole until he came all over my eyes.
Twilight: (suddenly rising) I WON’T STAND FOR THIS!
Fallen: You’re right, you won’t. Sit your ass back down.
“So what do you want to do now?” asked Rainbow Dash as she rubbed her penis against my penis.
Dash: That’s it. I give up on understanding anything. Ever.
“I dunno,” I gargled with Applejack’s penis in my mouth. “I wanna kill some stuff.”
Fluttershy: I can’t take this...
Fallen: That’s what she- (smacked by Dash)
Dash: If I can’t say it, neither can you.
“It. Is. On!” exclaimed Rarity as she came a gallon of sour cream from her penis.
Rarity: I-I’m speechless.
“By the way,” said Pinkie Pie to you the reader. “Click on each link and listen each video at the same time in a different tab. Do it, or I’ll murder your ass.”
Pinkie: But I don’t see any links.
Fallen: And that’s a BAD thing?
I went to the school yard with Applejack and fucking knocked the door down with my penis.
Fallen: I don’t care how fucking massive it is, doing that will hurt.
“Hey you little fuckers,” I shouted. “It’s time to play, ‘Smack Your Little Fucker Faces with My Penis Until You Fucking DIE!’”
Fallen: Oh, THAT sounds pleasant.
Fluttershy: How can you stay so calm!?
Fallen: Once you’ve seen what I’ve seen, you don’t even bat an eye at shit like this anymore.
I then spun like a ballerina all gay and smacked each one of their little fucker faces with my penis until they fucking DIED!
Twilight: That was entirely unnecessary!
AJ: How’s THAT the first thing to happen in the story that’s unnecessary?
Twilight: Not what happened, the fact that it just repeated most of that last sentence!
Cheerilee was so fucking turned on that she turned into a fucking dog and exploded.
Pinkie: You know what that means, right, Primey?
Fallen: No. What does it mean?
Pinkie: No idea! I was hoping you knew.
I then went to Sweet Apple Acres and shoved my cock into the barn causing it to explode.
Fallen: Because his dick is explosive now, I guess.
Granny Smith, died because I fucking said so,
AJ: Alright.
Rarity: That’s your only reaction? Just “alright?”
AJ: ‘Fraid so. Ah’m not lettin’ this story get to me anymore.
and then Winona ran out of the house with her erect elephant penis and fucked Applejack raw.
AJ: WHAT!?
Pinkie: See why I love doing this now?
Fallen: A little, yeah.
Big Macintosh hopped on his penis like a goddamned pogo stick
Fallen: Again, that would hurt like a bitch.
Fluttershy: Please tell me you’re not speaking from experience.
Fallen: Oh, good GOD no.
and jackhammered my asshole because I’m apparently gay now.
Fallen: Oh, I never doubted that.
And then we had gay sex until we came all over the apples.
Dash: That’s okay. I never wanted to eat apples again anyway.
I shoved my hoof into Big Mac’s rubber cheerio,
Twilight: What’s with all these crazy euphemisms?
which made him exhale really fucking hard. All of the apples were fucking plucked from the trees until they were sucked into his mouth-fucking hole.
Fallen: I have no goddamn idea what that’s trying to say.
AJ: Do ya REALLY wanna know what’s goin’ on?
Fallen: No, I’m just saying.
Big Mac then jumped into the air until we were in space. HOLY SHIT!
Fallen: Well, don’t you just feel special.
With my body firmly snug in Big Macintosh’s asshole, we plummeted back towards the earth. I was so excited that my tits came.
Fluttershy: Isn’t he... well, a he?
Twilight: Don’t give it too much thought.
As we were about to get fucking destroyed by the earth, Applejack stuck her ass out and we felt into her asshole and flew out of her penis and towards Pony-fucking-ville.
AJ: What the hay!?
Fallen: I think the story just turned you into a warp pipe.
Actually, that never happened and if you did think that, you’re dumb.
Rarity: When in doubt, berate your audience. How could that go wrong?
They flew towards Canter-fucking-lot where Princess Celestia was having sex with Princess Luna’s penis.
Fallen: Why the hell is princest a thing?
Twilight: It’s enough of a thing to have a name!?
Big Mac and I found the two princesses fucking and decided to fuck them right in the penises.
Fallen: My mind just tried to make that work, and I’m scared of what it’s showing me.
Princess Celestia came so hard that Equestria fucking exploded, and by fucking exploded, I mean everypony turned into a fucking fish, except for me because I’m fucking awesome.
Dash: I’m pretty sure I know awesome, and you are NOT awesome.
Fluttershy: And wouldn’t everypony suffocate on dry land if they turned into fish?
I then said the magic words.
Pinkie: “Open sesame!”
“I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home until next time.”
Fallen: Well, THAT was a shotgun blast to the childhood.
My penis grew to the size of a planet and floated towards the sun.
AJ: Makes as much sense as anything else.
The sun turned back into a vagina and let me fuck it.
Twilight: Wait, this story has continuity!?
I fucked the sun and made it my bitch. The sun came so hard that it fucking supernovaed all over my penis and sucked me into a black hole.
Rarity: He deserved far worse, if you ask me.
I woke up back in my bedroom feeling sweaty and wet. I then woke up and found that I had a vagina.
Pinkie: Can you do that? Can you wake up twice!?
Dash: We just read a story about a dream within a dream a little while ago.
Fallen: No comment on the vagina thing? Okay.
I was so happy that I ran downstairs to my grandma’s sex chamber and shoved C4 into my cunt.
AJ: That’s him bein’ happy?
I ran across the street and kicked my neighbor’s asshole dog in the penis
Fluttershy: That poor puppy!
before I detonated the C4 with my penis and ended the fucking universe.
Pinkie: HAPPY END!
Twilight: C4’s not that powerful. If it were, I’d be WAY more worried about how much Fallen has in here.
Fallen: Is twenty tons not enough?
And that’s how I took your sister’s virginity.
Twilight: Only two or three of us here have sisters, and I think Pinkie’s may be the only ones old enough to-
Dash: You really think age would stop him?
The End, you FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!
Rarity: DID THE STORY JUST CALL ME-
Fallen: Yeah, we’d better bail out before Rarity has a meltdown.
Fallen: I quit. Fuck you guys, I quit.
Pinkie: No you don’t. You don’t leave until I let you out, and I’m not letting you out until you sit through all these stories with us!
Fallen: Ugh...
when my penis began acting fucking weird.
Twilight: Is... is bizarre activity like that normal for human males?
Fallen: Not in the slightest.
It started wobbling on its own, which I thought was sexy as shit, so I started fingering my asshole.
Fallen: It was a REALLY bad idea to use “shit” and “asshole” in the same sentence.
Suddenly, my penis started growing pink ass hair. It turned into some pony thing that I may have heard about.
Fluttershy: Um... Fallen may have had the right idea-
Fallen: STAY.
She slid her asshole off of my penis and began sucking it.
Dash: Oh sweet Celestia... this is gonna be one of those stories where EVERY SENTENCE gives us material.
I was so turned on that I kicked this bitch right in the taco.
Rarity: Is that a euphemism for what I believe it is?
Fallen: I... think so?
Pinkie Pie came so hard that her pussy became a rocket that flew us out of her window and into space.
Twilight: Wouldn’t oxygen be a major concern?
Fallen: I covered that already a while back. Screw oxygen.
Pinkie Pie wasss still sucking my penis as we continue to fuck towards the sun.
Fallen: “I fuck in your general direction!”
The sun turned into a giant vagina and swallowed us up,
AJ: Are they... havin’ sex with Princess Celestia?
Fluttershy: I hope not...
where I found that we were flying over a colorful little town full of fuckable little ponies.
Fallen: And all horsefucker jokes I and others have made about stories like these take form.
As we got closer to the town, I punched Pinkie Pie in the face until the cunt took her mouth off of my penis. Pinkie ran away laughing.
Pinkie: I... don’t think I’d like getting punched in the face.
AJ: As ya shouldn’t, Pinkie.
“Wow,” said Rarity. “No one’s ever face-fucked Pinkie Pie with their fist before.”
Rarity: I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!
She then ran up to me and began sucking my penis with her vagina.
Fluttershy: That’s an... um... interesting way to put it...
Twilight Sparkle then levitated the both of us in the air and began fucking my asshole with her horn.
Twilight: Why would I ever do that!?
Rainbow Dash then shoved her cunt in my face until the lips of her vagina were around my neck.
Dash: That shouldn’t even be possible!
Fallen: I thought you learned from “PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP” that that never stops these stories.
“Hey look everybody,” I shouted. “I have a mask on.”
Fallen: From inside of Rainbow’s snatch. What.
Everyone laughed so hard that they all grew penises.
Fluttershy: I... don’t know how that works.
Pinkie: You never know! It could happen!
Twilight: No. It couldn’t.
I came on Rarity’s new penis,
Fallen: I thought you were still inside her.
while Rainbow Dash came on my face,
Fallen: And I thought her pussy was eating your face.
Dash: Did- did you seriously just say that about me!?
Fallen: Which answer means we don’t have this argument?
while Twilight came in my asshole with her horn.
Twilight: Why is the fandom so convinced that unicorns’ horns can do that? Or that they’re even erogenous zones?
Fallen: You ask as if I know.
Suddenly, I started turning inside out from my asshole until I turned into a pony with a 30 inch penis.
Fluttershy: ...I’m scared.
Rarity: Why?
Fluttershy: Because... my first thought was if he actually measured it...
Applejack got excited and began shoving my penis inside her asshole.
AJ: What.
She continued to shove my penis in her asshole until the head of my penis poked out of her throat.
AJ: WHAT.
Applejack then licked the head of my penis with her tongue, causing me to cum from my penis and out of her mouth.
AJ: WHAT.
Fallen: Holy shit, we broke Applejack. I didn’t think that could happen.
Fluttershy ran to the puddle of jizz on the floor and tried lapping it up.
Fluttershy: EEP!
All of the sudden, Shining Armor came out of nowhere and impaled that stupid bitch with his horn.
Twilight: Why would my brother do that!?
Pinkie: Because the story said so!
“Thank Captain Crunch,” I said. “I was so sick of that cunt.”
AJ: Uh... Fallen, when’d you get all those weapons?
Fallen: THIS STORY MUST DIE!
“Me too,” said Shining Armor. I then chewed Shining Armor’s asshole until he came all over my eyes.
Twilight: (suddenly rising) I WON’T STAND FOR THIS!
Fallen: You’re right, you won’t. Sit your ass back down.
“So what do you want to do now?” asked Rainbow Dash as she rubbed her penis against my penis.
Dash: That’s it. I give up on understanding anything. Ever.
“I dunno,” I gargled with Applejack’s penis in my mouth. “I wanna kill some stuff.”
Fluttershy: I can’t take this...
Fallen: That’s what she- (smacked by Dash)
Dash: If I can’t say it, neither can you.
“It. Is. On!” exclaimed Rarity as she came a gallon of sour cream from her penis.
Rarity: I-I’m speechless.
“By the way,” said Pinkie Pie to you the reader. “Click on each link and listen each video at the same time in a different tab. Do it, or I’ll murder your ass.”
Pinkie: But I don’t see any links.
Fallen: And that’s a BAD thing?
I went to the school yard with Applejack and fucking knocked the door down with my penis.
Fallen: I don’t care how fucking massive it is, doing that will hurt.
“Hey you little fuckers,” I shouted. “It’s time to play, ‘Smack Your Little Fucker Faces with My Penis Until You Fucking DIE!’”
Fallen: Oh, THAT sounds pleasant.
Fluttershy: How can you stay so calm!?
Fallen: Once you’ve seen what I’ve seen, you don’t even bat an eye at shit like this anymore.
I then spun like a ballerina all gay and smacked each one of their little fucker faces with my penis until they fucking DIED!
Twilight: That was entirely unnecessary!
AJ: How’s THAT the first thing to happen in the story that’s unnecessary?
Twilight: Not what happened, the fact that it just repeated most of that last sentence!
Cheerilee was so fucking turned on that she turned into a fucking dog and exploded.
Pinkie: You know what that means, right, Primey?
Fallen: No. What does it mean?
Pinkie: No idea! I was hoping you knew.
I then went to Sweet Apple Acres and shoved my cock into the barn causing it to explode.
Fallen: Because his dick is explosive now, I guess.
Granny Smith, died because I fucking said so,
AJ: Alright.
Rarity: That’s your only reaction? Just “alright?”
AJ: ‘Fraid so. Ah’m not lettin’ this story get to me anymore.
and then Winona ran out of the house with her erect elephant penis and fucked Applejack raw.
AJ: WHAT!?
Pinkie: See why I love doing this now?
Fallen: A little, yeah.
Big Macintosh hopped on his penis like a goddamned pogo stick
Fallen: Again, that would hurt like a bitch.
Fluttershy: Please tell me you’re not speaking from experience.
Fallen: Oh, good GOD no.
and jackhammered my asshole because I’m apparently gay now.
Fallen: Oh, I never doubted that.
And then we had gay sex until we came all over the apples.
Dash: That’s okay. I never wanted to eat apples again anyway.
I shoved my hoof into Big Mac’s rubber cheerio,
Twilight: What’s with all these crazy euphemisms?
which made him exhale really fucking hard. All of the apples were fucking plucked from the trees until they were sucked into his mouth-fucking hole.
Fallen: I have no goddamn idea what that’s trying to say.
AJ: Do ya REALLY wanna know what’s goin’ on?
Fallen: No, I’m just saying.
Big Mac then jumped into the air until we were in space. HOLY SHIT!
Fallen: Well, don’t you just feel special.
With my body firmly snug in Big Macintosh’s asshole, we plummeted back towards the earth. I was so excited that my tits came.
Fluttershy: Isn’t he... well, a he?
Twilight: Don’t give it too much thought.
As we were about to get fucking destroyed by the earth, Applejack stuck her ass out and we felt into her asshole and flew out of her penis and towards Pony-fucking-ville.
AJ: What the hay!?
Fallen: I think the story just turned you into a warp pipe.
Actually, that never happened and if you did think that, you’re dumb.
Rarity: When in doubt, berate your audience. How could that go wrong?
They flew towards Canter-fucking-lot where Princess Celestia was having sex with Princess Luna’s penis.
Fallen: Why the hell is princest a thing?
Twilight: It’s enough of a thing to have a name!?
Big Mac and I found the two princesses fucking and decided to fuck them right in the penises.
Fallen: My mind just tried to make that work, and I’m scared of what it’s showing me.
Princess Celestia came so hard that Equestria fucking exploded, and by fucking exploded, I mean everypony turned into a fucking fish, except for me because I’m fucking awesome.
Dash: I’m pretty sure I know awesome, and you are NOT awesome.
Fluttershy: And wouldn’t everypony suffocate on dry land if they turned into fish?
I then said the magic words.
Pinkie: “Open sesame!”
“I wish, I wish, to use this rhyme, to go back home until next time.”
Fallen: Well, THAT was a shotgun blast to the childhood.
My penis grew to the size of a planet and floated towards the sun.
AJ: Makes as much sense as anything else.
The sun turned back into a vagina and let me fuck it.
Twilight: Wait, this story has continuity!?
I fucked the sun and made it my bitch. The sun came so hard that it fucking supernovaed all over my penis and sucked me into a black hole.
Rarity: He deserved far worse, if you ask me.
I woke up back in my bedroom feeling sweaty and wet. I then woke up and found that I had a vagina.
Pinkie: Can you do that? Can you wake up twice!?
Dash: We just read a story about a dream within a dream a little while ago.
Fallen: No comment on the vagina thing? Okay.
I was so happy that I ran downstairs to my grandma’s sex chamber and shoved C4 into my cunt.
AJ: That’s him bein’ happy?
I ran across the street and kicked my neighbor’s asshole dog in the penis
Fluttershy: That poor puppy!
before I detonated the C4 with my penis and ended the fucking universe.
Pinkie: HAPPY END!
Twilight: C4’s not that powerful. If it were, I’d be WAY more worried about how much Fallen has in here.
Fallen: Is twenty tons not enough?
And that’s how I took your sister’s virginity.
Twilight: Only two or three of us here have sisters, and I think Pinkie’s may be the only ones old enough to-
Dash: You really think age would stop him?
The End, you FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!
Rarity: DID THE STORY JUST CALL ME-
Fallen: Yeah, we’d better bail out before Rarity has a meltdown.
Fallen: Opinion time. This should be fun to hear. Pinkie, you first.
Pinkie: Why aren’t you going first?
Fallen: Because I said so.
Pinkie: Well, I didn’t like it a lot. It was a bit random.
Fallen: After “Pinkie Pie’s Fishing Adventure,” “The worst Fanfic EVER,” and 29P, THIS is the story that overloads you on random?
Dash: I already started forcing myself to forget the story.
Fallen: STARTED to. But what did you think of what you remember?
Dash: What does “remember” mean?
Fallen: I think you’re going to want to take it easy there, Rainbow. Twilight?
Twilight: This is easily the most incoherently vulgar thing I’ve ever read.
Fallen: I’ll give you that. Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: (staring Fallen down) I want brain bleach. NOW.
Fallen: ...yeah, as much as I’d love to bend to your will right now, you know I can’t get to it while the doors are locked up. Applejack?
AJ: Ah think my brain melted again. A bunch of times.
Fallen: Work through it, slugger. Rarity?
Rarity: THE AUTHOR CALLED ME A CUNT!!!
Fallen: Okay, I’m terrified of you right now. Pinkie, what are we doing next?
Pinkie: But you didn’t tell us what YOU thought!
Fallen: Ugh. Fine. It was a nonsense story gone completely wrong. Happy?
Pinkie: Always! Next up is “The Things Hate Can Do,” another unfinished story I’ll probably make you read again!
Twilight: The title’s slightly worrying. What’s it about?
Pinkie: Rarity killing Rainbow Dash!
Dash: WHAT!?
Fallen: I despise your timing, Pinkie. Right now she looks like she’s ready to massacre all of Ponyville.
Fluttershy: Rarity, please calm down! I know what the author said was mean, but-
Rarity: I’M GOING TO EVISCERATE HIM WITH A CACTUS AND FORCE-FEED HIM HIS OWN STOMACH!!!
Fluttershy: I don’t know what else to do! This isn’t working!
AJ: Got any cold water, Fallen? Ah’ve got an idea.
Fallen: Here’s a pitcher.
AJ: Thank ya kindly.
(AJ dumps the water on Rarity’s head, calming her down and devastating her mane.)
AJ: Uh-oh...
Rarity: Thank you, Applejack. I feel I deserved that a little.
AJ: Oh, it’s no trouble at all, Rare. Uh... (turns to Fallen) Ya don’t have anything she can see her reflection in, do ya?
Fallen: Not that I can think of. Even if she wanted to look at it through the surface of one of my weapons, I haven’t cleaned a lot of them off in SO lo-
Rarity: APPLEJACK, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?
Fallen: Right, I just got a brand-new katana. Oops.
AJ: It was for yer own good! Fluttershy couldn’t talk ya down, ah didn’t have a choice!
Rarity: How do you expect me to continue riffing with my mane in ruins!?
Fallen: The exact same way you were riffing without your mane in ruins.
Twilight: Try showing a little more consideration, Fallen. If you want, Rarity, I can try a spell that will restore your mane’s style. I haven’t used it before, and I don’t even know if I remember how the book said to do it-
Rarity: I don’t care! Do it!
(Twilight’s horn starts to glow, and then a bright flash blinds everyone in the room. When their eyesight recovers...)
Fallen: Oh. Wow.
Rarity: How does it look? HOW DOES IT LOOK!?
AJ: Honest answer?
Rarity: YES!
AJ: Just the same as when ya walked in. Yer mane’s fine.
Rarity: Oh, thank goodness! Thank you, Twilight! You’re truly a lifesaver!
Twilight: It was the least I could do.
Fallen: Imagine that. Twilight’s completely untested spell worked. Always a first time for everything, I guess.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Pinkie: Why aren’t you going first?
Fallen: Because I said so.
Pinkie: Well, I didn’t like it a lot. It was a bit random.
Fallen: After “Pinkie Pie’s Fishing Adventure,” “The worst Fanfic EVER,” and 29P, THIS is the story that overloads you on random?
Dash: I already started forcing myself to forget the story.
Fallen: STARTED to. But what did you think of what you remember?
Dash: What does “remember” mean?
Fallen: I think you’re going to want to take it easy there, Rainbow. Twilight?
Twilight: This is easily the most incoherently vulgar thing I’ve ever read.
Fallen: I’ll give you that. Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: (staring Fallen down) I want brain bleach. NOW.
Fallen: ...yeah, as much as I’d love to bend to your will right now, you know I can’t get to it while the doors are locked up. Applejack?
AJ: Ah think my brain melted again. A bunch of times.
Fallen: Work through it, slugger. Rarity?
Rarity: THE AUTHOR CALLED ME A CUNT!!!
Fallen: Okay, I’m terrified of you right now. Pinkie, what are we doing next?
Pinkie: But you didn’t tell us what YOU thought!
Fallen: Ugh. Fine. It was a nonsense story gone completely wrong. Happy?
Pinkie: Always! Next up is “The Things Hate Can Do,” another unfinished story I’ll probably make you read again!
Twilight: The title’s slightly worrying. What’s it about?
Pinkie: Rarity killing Rainbow Dash!
Dash: WHAT!?
Fallen: I despise your timing, Pinkie. Right now she looks like she’s ready to massacre all of Ponyville.
Fluttershy: Rarity, please calm down! I know what the author said was mean, but-
Rarity: I’M GOING TO EVISCERATE HIM WITH A CACTUS AND FORCE-FEED HIM HIS OWN STOMACH!!!
Fluttershy: I don’t know what else to do! This isn’t working!
AJ: Got any cold water, Fallen? Ah’ve got an idea.
Fallen: Here’s a pitcher.
AJ: Thank ya kindly.
(AJ dumps the water on Rarity’s head, calming her down and devastating her mane.)
AJ: Uh-oh...
Rarity: Thank you, Applejack. I feel I deserved that a little.
AJ: Oh, it’s no trouble at all, Rare. Uh... (turns to Fallen) Ya don’t have anything she can see her reflection in, do ya?
Fallen: Not that I can think of. Even if she wanted to look at it through the surface of one of my weapons, I haven’t cleaned a lot of them off in SO lo-
Rarity: APPLEJACK, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?
Fallen: Right, I just got a brand-new katana. Oops.
AJ: It was for yer own good! Fluttershy couldn’t talk ya down, ah didn’t have a choice!
Rarity: How do you expect me to continue riffing with my mane in ruins!?
Fallen: The exact same way you were riffing without your mane in ruins.
Twilight: Try showing a little more consideration, Fallen. If you want, Rarity, I can try a spell that will restore your mane’s style. I haven’t used it before, and I don’t even know if I remember how the book said to do it-
Rarity: I don’t care! Do it!
(Twilight’s horn starts to glow, and then a bright flash blinds everyone in the room. When their eyesight recovers...)
Fallen: Oh. Wow.
Rarity: How does it look? HOW DOES IT LOOK!?
AJ: Honest answer?
Rarity: YES!
AJ: Just the same as when ya walked in. Yer mane’s fine.
Rarity: Oh, thank goodness! Thank you, Twilight! You’re truly a lifesaver!
Twilight: It was the least I could do.
Fallen: Imagine that. Twilight’s completely untested spell worked. Always a first time for everything, I guess.
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
It was a nice and sunny day in Equestria,
Fallen: Oh, son of a bitch!
ponies were frolicking, Twilight was reading, Rainbow was flying, nothing too interesting.
Rarity: At least it has the common courtesy to tell us we shall be bored to tears.
I was just sitting in her dressmakers store
Twilight: Wait, who’s speaking?
AJ: And is it sayin’ it’s Rainbow’s dress store?
making some new dresses to show to Hoity Toity.
Rarity: It’s meant to be ME!?
Pinkie: What are you doing in Dashie’s boutique, silly?
They looked spectacular. They were top brand, absolutely triple A plus, I knew Hoity was going to like them. I was putting the finishing touches on the last dress when suddenly a Cyan Pegasus comes crashing through the roof, right on to my dresses.
Fallen: Oh look, a tense change. Did you know this author claimed to be top of his class in grammar?
Dash: I’ve made normal landings plenty of times! Why do stories have me crash into everything?
"Whoops, sorry for that! Ehehe, it was an accident. I didn't mean to come here. I think you should install a door for me! Hahah!" Rainbow laughed out.
Fallen: I’m sorry, Rainbow, but we’re only one sentence in and I’m already hating your portrayal almost as much as you in “Living the Dream.”
Dash: I’m not happy about this either. But hey, I can take what you dish out.
Fallen: I’m aware. You were a good sport about the dream story.
You were completely ticked off about that,
Twilight: Did the perspective just switch to second person!?
Fallen: Top of his class, everyone! Can’t keep tenses OR POVs consistent!
but you could still somewhat fix them. Just a stitch here and there, and they would be fine.
Rarity: I’m just trying to figure out what kind of damage Rainbow Dash could have caused to require me to repair a dress.
You mutter out, "No, it's okay. My dresses are fine, and I can get Big Macintosh to help me fix the roof later,"
Fluttershy: At least Rarity’s being a good sport about all of this.
AJ: Call it pattern recognition, but ah dunno if that’s gonna last.
"I'll be going now, see ya!" Rainbow shouts out before leaving.
Twilight: How do you go from first-person past tense to second-person present tense and still expect to be taken seriously!?
Fallen: This story was only written as a vehicle to display the author’s hatred of Rainbow Dash. There’s no way this was MEANT to be taken seriously.
You breathe a sigh of relief, and go back to fix the dress. She bursts back in.
Fallen: “OH YEAH!”
"Oh, I forgot to ask! Can you make a dress for me? I want to impress the Wonderbolts. They are doing a show thing so I am going to try and join!" Rainbow Dash asks.
Fallen: Nope. Stop. Already wildly out-of-character. Rainbow Dash does not do dresses unless she’s forced to.
You gape your mouth wide open in surprise as you notice the dresses. They are completely obliterated: nothing could save them. You get pissed off as they took weeks to make.
Fluttershy: There’s no need for that kind of language, story.
You could fucking rip her throat out and shove her brain up her ass. You wanted to fucking kill her.
Fluttershy: And there’s certainly no need for that!
Rarity: I’m impressed, Fluttershy. You’ve begun to mature somewhat as an MST participant. At least in the respect that you’re not shying away from the threat of violence the story is making.
But, you come up with a more devious plan.
Pinkie: She would beat Rainbow Dash mercilessly with a spoon until she died!
Twilight: Wouldn’t that take years to do with a spoon?
Pinkie: Maybe, but that’s what makes it so evil!
"Why, yes Rainbow Dash! I could surely make you a show dress. Do you want to come up and help me design one?" You ask without releasing any rage.
Fallen: It wouldn’t be released until her trip to England, where it would turn the population into zombies.
"Um, sure! I have some time to spare!" she says, acting as if she's actually busy, which she isn't. You silently make an evil grin to one of the mannequins.
Dash: “Uh, Rarity, why’d you just smile at that thing?”
She follows you up to your room and you make sure there's a mannequin in here.
"Now to set up," you say to yourself.
Twilight: It looks like it’s actually staying in the present tense second-person point of view. So why couldn’t it have started like that?
Fallen: Because the top of the class shouldn’t have to follow grammar. He just knows that he CAN.
Twilight: That excuses NOTHING!
Fallen: I know, but humor the guy a bit.
She got Rainbow Dash started on design
Rarity: NO. Not after the last time. Never again.
AJ: Ah thought ya kept those dresses, though.
Rarity: I did, but from a fashion standpoint, most of them are still dreadful.
whilst you locked the door. Luckily she doesn't hear the door being locked.
Fallen: Oh hey, tense whiplash. Again.
"I'm done, Rarity!" she yells back at you. You trot towards her, but she doesn't know
Fallen: what makes kids love the great taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Pinkie: Is it because there’s cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite?
Fallen: No, it’s bec- wait, holy shit, you got it right!
"Ooh, a nice plan Rainbow. You can die in this dress," is all that she hears before you knock her straight in the head with the solid mannequin.
Fluttershy: As opposed to a liquid mannequin?
AJ: How would those even work? With what ya use ‘em for, it just ain’t practical!
You drag her body down to a secret basement hidden in your shop.
Dash: Do you even HAVE-
Rarity: Yes, I have a basement, but whatever the story says I do with it is entirely false.
She wakes up to a solid room, with all her limbs tied up to a wall, including her wings.
"What the hay is happening?" she says.
Pinkie: It’s the new “Cupcakes” ripoff, “Dresses!”
Fallen: Didn’t Author already try-
Twilight: We don’t talk about that.
"Oh hello there, didn't expect you would be up by now," you mutter to her.
"Wha, what am I doing here?" Rainbow asks, dazed and confused.
AJ: If ah had to guess, you’re gettin’ strapped to a wall.
"This is my secret basement, also known as your grave site," you inform her.
Fluttershy: Why would you just leave the body there? I mean... not that it’s my place to tell you how to kill somepony...
"B..Bu...But why?" she asks.
Rarity: “Because the story demands it. Why else?”
"It's all simple. You know how long I've been taking all this FUCKING SHIT FROM YOU?!?!?!
Fallen: JESUS! Calm your ass down, Rarity!
Rarity: I already did. Don’t fault me for the words and actions of this... thing.
YOU SAY "OH, MY DRESS NEEDS TO BE ABOUT 20% COOLER, OH, I'M SO FUCKING RETARDED I CRASH RIGHT INTO YOUR HOUSE, OH, I AM SUCH A MORON!" YOU FUCKING SHOWOFF, EVERYPONY KNOWS YOU ARE A FAT FUCKING SHOW OFF. YOU AREN'T EVEN FUCKING BUSY HALF OF THE TIME, YOU JUST WANT TO BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE TO PEOPLE!"
Dash: ...
AJ: You alright, RD? Ya look kinda shaken.
Dash: I... I need to go sit down for a bit.
Twilight: That can’t be good...
AJ: Just let her have her space.
You shout at her in fury and in pure hatred. You see specks of your saliva make their way onto the victim.
Pinkie: Say it, don’t spray it!
"I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! I was just trying to help....." she mutters weakly.
"WELL ITS TOO FUCKING LATE FOR THAT YOU FUCKING RETARD! Now, meet Mr. D. Winger. Mwhahahaha, MWHAHAHAH!" you shout and laugh out.
Fallen: Oh my god, you’re turning Rarity into a Bond villain.
You pull out what is called a De-winger, but Celestia knows where you got it from.
Twilight: Whether or not she wants to.
You slowly start to dig into the spot where her wings meet her bulky body.
Fluttershy: Why are you calling Rainbow Dash fat?
You start digging in and stopping sometimes, letting the blood flow from her veins.
"You see this? This is your blood, pouring out of your veins. This will numb some pain, but all of it will take full affect soon enough Hehehe." You evilly say to her.
Twilight: What is she doing to numb the pain? Draining the blood from the wing wouldn’t help with that, since that’s not doing anything to the nerves.
AJ: Are you really tryin’ to use logic on the story?
Twilight: I know, I should stop, but it’s too hard!
"Aaagh, that really hurts, could you maybe please stop it?" she mutters weakly.
Fluttershy: There’s nothing better than a polite torture victim.
Pinkie: Wow, Fluttershy, you’re really getting the hang of this!
Fluttershy: Thank you.
"See, that is the point. For you to suffer a horrible death whilst I watch you struggle and moan for help." You answered to her.
Rarity: This sounds like Trixie from that awful centipede story we just read. As in, the last person I would ever act like.
You dig the De-winger deeper in and more blood starts coming out at a slow rate. You put a hoof to it and smear it on Rainbow's face.
Fallen: That’s just rubbing salt in the wound right there.
Once you reached as deep as you could go with blood coming out at an alarming rate, you start making a cutting motion through the wing. All whilst doing it, Rainbow is screaming.
AJ: It’d be off if she wasn’t.
"AAGH! LET ME GO YOU STUPID BITCH! AAGH! IT REALLY HURTS YOU FUCKER!" Rainbow Dash screams at you with tears in her eyes.
Fluttershy: So much for the politeness.
"With all that swearing, that just makes me want to hurt you even more," you say with a devilish grin.
Fallen: You fucking hypocrite!
You continue cutting through her flesh and bone until you can tear it off. With 1 quick yank,
Twilight: He seriously just used the NUMBER one instead of the WORD “one!”
you rip off her wing and she blackens out. You clean out her wing from all of that blood, polish it off and put it on the metal tray you set for the organs and other stuff, but for now the wing sits alone on the cold, hard metal tray.
Rarity: What would I want with her organs? Or her wing, for that matter?
You shoot a shot of adrenaline into her so she wakes up.
"HUNH? DID I MISS SOMETHING? ARE THE WONDERBOLTS LOOKING FOR ME?" she jolts and asks when she wakes.
Pinkie: I didn’t think Dashie was that obsessed with the Wonderbolts.
Twilight: She isn’t.
"I don't think so, you are missing a wing right now and you are going to lose the other very soon." You say with a very evil grin.
"AAGH, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHY!
Fallen: Because being in-character’s for saps.
IT FUCKING HURTS! I WILL NOT LOSE MY OTHER WING TO THIS FUCKING BITCH!" she yells back.
But then, suddenly out of nowhere, a small pony, most likely a filly, opens the door and trots down to where Rarity is.
Rarity: The author’s bringing my sister into this!?
"Sis?"
Fluttershy: “You promised I could watch!”
Fallen: DAMN, ‘Shy, you’re getting good!
Fluttershy: You really think so?
Fallen: Absolutely. Come on, we should take a break.
Fallen: Oh, son of a bitch!
ponies were frolicking, Twilight was reading, Rainbow was flying, nothing too interesting.
Rarity: At least it has the common courtesy to tell us we shall be bored to tears.
I was just sitting in her dressmakers store
Twilight: Wait, who’s speaking?
AJ: And is it sayin’ it’s Rainbow’s dress store?
making some new dresses to show to Hoity Toity.
Rarity: It’s meant to be ME!?
Pinkie: What are you doing in Dashie’s boutique, silly?
They looked spectacular. They were top brand, absolutely triple A plus, I knew Hoity was going to like them. I was putting the finishing touches on the last dress when suddenly a Cyan Pegasus comes crashing through the roof, right on to my dresses.
Fallen: Oh look, a tense change. Did you know this author claimed to be top of his class in grammar?
Dash: I’ve made normal landings plenty of times! Why do stories have me crash into everything?
"Whoops, sorry for that! Ehehe, it was an accident. I didn't mean to come here. I think you should install a door for me! Hahah!" Rainbow laughed out.
Fallen: I’m sorry, Rainbow, but we’re only one sentence in and I’m already hating your portrayal almost as much as you in “Living the Dream.”
Dash: I’m not happy about this either. But hey, I can take what you dish out.
Fallen: I’m aware. You were a good sport about the dream story.
You were completely ticked off about that,
Twilight: Did the perspective just switch to second person!?
Fallen: Top of his class, everyone! Can’t keep tenses OR POVs consistent!
but you could still somewhat fix them. Just a stitch here and there, and they would be fine.
Rarity: I’m just trying to figure out what kind of damage Rainbow Dash could have caused to require me to repair a dress.
You mutter out, "No, it's okay. My dresses are fine, and I can get Big Macintosh to help me fix the roof later,"
Fluttershy: At least Rarity’s being a good sport about all of this.
AJ: Call it pattern recognition, but ah dunno if that’s gonna last.
"I'll be going now, see ya!" Rainbow shouts out before leaving.
Twilight: How do you go from first-person past tense to second-person present tense and still expect to be taken seriously!?
Fallen: This story was only written as a vehicle to display the author’s hatred of Rainbow Dash. There’s no way this was MEANT to be taken seriously.
You breathe a sigh of relief, and go back to fix the dress. She bursts back in.
Fallen: “OH YEAH!”
"Oh, I forgot to ask! Can you make a dress for me? I want to impress the Wonderbolts. They are doing a show thing so I am going to try and join!" Rainbow Dash asks.
Fallen: Nope. Stop. Already wildly out-of-character. Rainbow Dash does not do dresses unless she’s forced to.
You gape your mouth wide open in surprise as you notice the dresses. They are completely obliterated: nothing could save them. You get pissed off as they took weeks to make.
Fluttershy: There’s no need for that kind of language, story.
You could fucking rip her throat out and shove her brain up her ass. You wanted to fucking kill her.
Fluttershy: And there’s certainly no need for that!
Rarity: I’m impressed, Fluttershy. You’ve begun to mature somewhat as an MST participant. At least in the respect that you’re not shying away from the threat of violence the story is making.
But, you come up with a more devious plan.
Pinkie: She would beat Rainbow Dash mercilessly with a spoon until she died!
Twilight: Wouldn’t that take years to do with a spoon?
Pinkie: Maybe, but that’s what makes it so evil!
"Why, yes Rainbow Dash! I could surely make you a show dress. Do you want to come up and help me design one?" You ask without releasing any rage.
Fallen: It wouldn’t be released until her trip to England, where it would turn the population into zombies.
"Um, sure! I have some time to spare!" she says, acting as if she's actually busy, which she isn't. You silently make an evil grin to one of the mannequins.
Dash: “Uh, Rarity, why’d you just smile at that thing?”
She follows you up to your room and you make sure there's a mannequin in here.
"Now to set up," you say to yourself.
Twilight: It looks like it’s actually staying in the present tense second-person point of view. So why couldn’t it have started like that?
Fallen: Because the top of the class shouldn’t have to follow grammar. He just knows that he CAN.
Twilight: That excuses NOTHING!
Fallen: I know, but humor the guy a bit.
She got Rainbow Dash started on design
Rarity: NO. Not after the last time. Never again.
AJ: Ah thought ya kept those dresses, though.
Rarity: I did, but from a fashion standpoint, most of them are still dreadful.
whilst you locked the door. Luckily she doesn't hear the door being locked.
Fallen: Oh hey, tense whiplash. Again.
"I'm done, Rarity!" she yells back at you. You trot towards her, but she doesn't know
Fallen: what makes kids love the great taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Pinkie: Is it because there’s cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite?
Fallen: No, it’s bec- wait, holy shit, you got it right!
"Ooh, a nice plan Rainbow. You can die in this dress," is all that she hears before you knock her straight in the head with the solid mannequin.
Fluttershy: As opposed to a liquid mannequin?
AJ: How would those even work? With what ya use ‘em for, it just ain’t practical!
You drag her body down to a secret basement hidden in your shop.
Dash: Do you even HAVE-
Rarity: Yes, I have a basement, but whatever the story says I do with it is entirely false.
She wakes up to a solid room, with all her limbs tied up to a wall, including her wings.
"What the hay is happening?" she says.
Pinkie: It’s the new “Cupcakes” ripoff, “Dresses!”
Fallen: Didn’t Author already try-
Twilight: We don’t talk about that.
"Oh hello there, didn't expect you would be up by now," you mutter to her.
"Wha, what am I doing here?" Rainbow asks, dazed and confused.
AJ: If ah had to guess, you’re gettin’ strapped to a wall.
"This is my secret basement, also known as your grave site," you inform her.
Fluttershy: Why would you just leave the body there? I mean... not that it’s my place to tell you how to kill somepony...
"B..Bu...But why?" she asks.
Rarity: “Because the story demands it. Why else?”
"It's all simple. You know how long I've been taking all this FUCKING SHIT FROM YOU?!?!?!
Fallen: JESUS! Calm your ass down, Rarity!
Rarity: I already did. Don’t fault me for the words and actions of this... thing.
YOU SAY "OH, MY DRESS NEEDS TO BE ABOUT 20% COOLER, OH, I'M SO FUCKING RETARDED I CRASH RIGHT INTO YOUR HOUSE, OH, I AM SUCH A MORON!" YOU FUCKING SHOWOFF, EVERYPONY KNOWS YOU ARE A FAT FUCKING SHOW OFF. YOU AREN'T EVEN FUCKING BUSY HALF OF THE TIME, YOU JUST WANT TO BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE TO PEOPLE!"
Dash: ...
AJ: You alright, RD? Ya look kinda shaken.
Dash: I... I need to go sit down for a bit.
Twilight: That can’t be good...
AJ: Just let her have her space.
You shout at her in fury and in pure hatred. You see specks of your saliva make their way onto the victim.
Pinkie: Say it, don’t spray it!
"I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! I was just trying to help....." she mutters weakly.
"WELL ITS TOO FUCKING LATE FOR THAT YOU FUCKING RETARD! Now, meet Mr. D. Winger. Mwhahahaha, MWHAHAHAH!" you shout and laugh out.
Fallen: Oh my god, you’re turning Rarity into a Bond villain.
You pull out what is called a De-winger, but Celestia knows where you got it from.
Twilight: Whether or not she wants to.
You slowly start to dig into the spot where her wings meet her bulky body.
Fluttershy: Why are you calling Rainbow Dash fat?
You start digging in and stopping sometimes, letting the blood flow from her veins.
"You see this? This is your blood, pouring out of your veins. This will numb some pain, but all of it will take full affect soon enough Hehehe." You evilly say to her.
Twilight: What is she doing to numb the pain? Draining the blood from the wing wouldn’t help with that, since that’s not doing anything to the nerves.
AJ: Are you really tryin’ to use logic on the story?
Twilight: I know, I should stop, but it’s too hard!
"Aaagh, that really hurts, could you maybe please stop it?" she mutters weakly.
Fluttershy: There’s nothing better than a polite torture victim.
Pinkie: Wow, Fluttershy, you’re really getting the hang of this!
Fluttershy: Thank you.
"See, that is the point. For you to suffer a horrible death whilst I watch you struggle and moan for help." You answered to her.
Rarity: This sounds like Trixie from that awful centipede story we just read. As in, the last person I would ever act like.
You dig the De-winger deeper in and more blood starts coming out at a slow rate. You put a hoof to it and smear it on Rainbow's face.
Fallen: That’s just rubbing salt in the wound right there.
Once you reached as deep as you could go with blood coming out at an alarming rate, you start making a cutting motion through the wing. All whilst doing it, Rainbow is screaming.
AJ: It’d be off if she wasn’t.
"AAGH! LET ME GO YOU STUPID BITCH! AAGH! IT REALLY HURTS YOU FUCKER!" Rainbow Dash screams at you with tears in her eyes.
Fluttershy: So much for the politeness.
"With all that swearing, that just makes me want to hurt you even more," you say with a devilish grin.
Fallen: You fucking hypocrite!
You continue cutting through her flesh and bone until you can tear it off. With 1 quick yank,
Twilight: He seriously just used the NUMBER one instead of the WORD “one!”
you rip off her wing and she blackens out. You clean out her wing from all of that blood, polish it off and put it on the metal tray you set for the organs and other stuff, but for now the wing sits alone on the cold, hard metal tray.
Rarity: What would I want with her organs? Or her wing, for that matter?
You shoot a shot of adrenaline into her so she wakes up.
"HUNH? DID I MISS SOMETHING? ARE THE WONDERBOLTS LOOKING FOR ME?" she jolts and asks when she wakes.
Pinkie: I didn’t think Dashie was that obsessed with the Wonderbolts.
Twilight: She isn’t.
"I don't think so, you are missing a wing right now and you are going to lose the other very soon." You say with a very evil grin.
"AAGH, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHY!
Fallen: Because being in-character’s for saps.
IT FUCKING HURTS! I WILL NOT LOSE MY OTHER WING TO THIS FUCKING BITCH!" she yells back.
But then, suddenly out of nowhere, a small pony, most likely a filly, opens the door and trots down to where Rarity is.
Rarity: The author’s bringing my sister into this!?
"Sis?"
Fluttershy: “You promised I could watch!”
Fallen: DAMN, ‘Shy, you’re getting good!
Fluttershy: You really think so?
Fallen: Absolutely. Come on, we should take a break.
Fallen: I’m really proud of you, Fluttershy. You’ll be riffing like a pro in no time!
Fluttershy: I appreciate the compliment, I really do... but I don’t think how I’m doing is really important right now.
Fallen: What do you mean? How does this not call for a party? In fact, why is one not set up yet? We can just repurpose the party you came here for!
Pinkie: That sounds like an awesome idea!
Fallen: See? Now why don’t we-
Pinkie: But I’m really worried about Dashie. She left a little ways into the story, and I think she needs cheering up.
Fallen: Oh, right, Rainbow.
AJ: Ya mean ya forgot about her!?
Fallen: Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like a jackass.
Twilight: Are you saying you’re not?
Fallen: ...stop being right. It’s annoying.
Fluttershy: Come on, let’s find her and help her.
Rarity: Finding her won’t be necessary. She’s over there in the corner.
(Sure enough, Dash is sitting right across from the group, sniffling.)
Fallen: Oh. That was easy.
Pinkie: Oh no, Dashie! Are you crying?
Dash: (sniff) N-no! Of course not! I never cry!
Twilight: Your puffy red eyes and the tear stains on your coat are telling me-
Dash: Alright, fine, I was crying! Is that what you wanted to hear!?
AJ: At least ya fessed up to it. But what ah can’t figure out is WHY.
Fluttershy: I think I might know. Rainbow Dash, are you upset about the hurtful things the story said about you?
Dash: You all saw it, though! It called me a fat, lazy, selfish, stupid, jerky showoff!
Rarity: Why be so distraught, though? Why are you letting such petty insults get to you?
Dash: Because... because most of them are true.
(Several ponies start to voice their disagreement, but Fluttershy motions to stop them.)
Fluttershy: ...I know exactly how you feel. I’ve heard it all before, and it always made me upset. I would be lying if I said it ever stopped.
Dash: Yeah, I know. I had to bail you out of a lot of those standoffs.
Fluttershy: And I’m very grateful for all the times you’ve done that for me. You’ve helped me out so many times, and I don’t think I could repay you enough, but I can start by helping you out here.
Dash: Why even bother, though? You read that story through to the end, so you KNOW what it said about me, and you KNOW how much of it actually IS me! Face it, I’m the worst friend a pony could ask for!
Fluttershy: Well... usually, when ponies would make fun of me, I had one little thing I could remind myself of that made their words less hurtful.
Dash: Really? What was it?
Fluttershy: It was that, yes, some of the things they said about me were true, but the things I was being bullied for didn’t define me, weren’t all there was to me.
Dash: ...what do you mean by that?
Fluttershy: It’s simple. You CAN be a little narcissistic and flashy, you spend some of your free time napping in a cloud, and you’re a little more likely to snap at your friends than the rest of us.
Dash: You have SUCH a way with pep talk, Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: But that’s not all you are! You’re the fastest and most agile of all of us here, and you’re one of the bravest too.
Dash: Well, I know that, but I don’t think stroking my ego’s gonna help this time.
Fluttershy: I’m not telling you this for your ego, I’m doing it for you. Yes, you do have an ego, but you’re so good at so many things that you have every right to it. You’re a better flier than anypony I’ve ever met, you’re the backbone of Ponyville’s weather team, you can perform a sonic rainboom almost at will, and you’ve even personally met the Wonderbolts more often than most pegasi could ever dream to!
Dash: I guess I have. Never thought of it like that.
Fluttershy: And if nothing else, you’re the Element of Loyalty. The story has you completely obsessed with the Wonderbolts, but you care more about your friends - about us - than you do about them. You would never try to disappoint us or Ponyville in our times of need. In fact, you’ve helped us save Equestria twice, and that’s only counting the times we’ve used the Elements of Harmony!
Dash: Of course I did! I couldn’t live with myself if Equestria was overrun!
Fluttershy: Exactly! It means too much to you, just as you mean too much to us. None of us would have our cutie marks if it weren’t for you. I would never have even found my way to the ground and met all my friends without you! I owe so much of what I have now to you, Rainbow Dash. I couldn’t ask for a better friend than that.
Dash: You... really mean that, Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: Every word.
Dash: And... you all agree with her?
Rarity: Truer words were never spoken.
Pinkie: You’re the most awesomest pony I’ve ever met!
AJ: For the record, ah never thought you were fat or stupid.
Twilight: You were instrumental in my path to finding friends in the first place. We all owe something to each other, and to you.
(The six all gather for a group hug.)
Dash: Thanks so much, guys. You’re the best.
Fallen: What about me?
Dash: Eh.
Fallen: Thanks...
Pinkie: I think we’re ready for the next story now. Who’s up for “Apple Slices?”
AJ: Ah don’t like the sound of that. Wait, is that the-
Pinkie: Applecest clopfic I foreshadowed? Yes indeedy!
AJ: Dangit, Pinkie Pie!
Twilight: That’s enough of a thing to have its own name too!?
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Fluttershy: I appreciate the compliment, I really do... but I don’t think how I’m doing is really important right now.
Fallen: What do you mean? How does this not call for a party? In fact, why is one not set up yet? We can just repurpose the party you came here for!
Pinkie: That sounds like an awesome idea!
Fallen: See? Now why don’t we-
Pinkie: But I’m really worried about Dashie. She left a little ways into the story, and I think she needs cheering up.
Fallen: Oh, right, Rainbow.
AJ: Ya mean ya forgot about her!?
Fallen: Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like a jackass.
Twilight: Are you saying you’re not?
Fallen: ...stop being right. It’s annoying.
Fluttershy: Come on, let’s find her and help her.
Rarity: Finding her won’t be necessary. She’s over there in the corner.
(Sure enough, Dash is sitting right across from the group, sniffling.)
Fallen: Oh. That was easy.
Pinkie: Oh no, Dashie! Are you crying?
Dash: (sniff) N-no! Of course not! I never cry!
Twilight: Your puffy red eyes and the tear stains on your coat are telling me-
Dash: Alright, fine, I was crying! Is that what you wanted to hear!?
AJ: At least ya fessed up to it. But what ah can’t figure out is WHY.
Fluttershy: I think I might know. Rainbow Dash, are you upset about the hurtful things the story said about you?
Dash: You all saw it, though! It called me a fat, lazy, selfish, stupid, jerky showoff!
Rarity: Why be so distraught, though? Why are you letting such petty insults get to you?
Dash: Because... because most of them are true.
(Several ponies start to voice their disagreement, but Fluttershy motions to stop them.)
Fluttershy: ...I know exactly how you feel. I’ve heard it all before, and it always made me upset. I would be lying if I said it ever stopped.
Dash: Yeah, I know. I had to bail you out of a lot of those standoffs.
Fluttershy: And I’m very grateful for all the times you’ve done that for me. You’ve helped me out so many times, and I don’t think I could repay you enough, but I can start by helping you out here.
Dash: Why even bother, though? You read that story through to the end, so you KNOW what it said about me, and you KNOW how much of it actually IS me! Face it, I’m the worst friend a pony could ask for!
Fluttershy: Well... usually, when ponies would make fun of me, I had one little thing I could remind myself of that made their words less hurtful.
Dash: Really? What was it?
Fluttershy: It was that, yes, some of the things they said about me were true, but the things I was being bullied for didn’t define me, weren’t all there was to me.
Dash: ...what do you mean by that?
Fluttershy: It’s simple. You CAN be a little narcissistic and flashy, you spend some of your free time napping in a cloud, and you’re a little more likely to snap at your friends than the rest of us.
Dash: You have SUCH a way with pep talk, Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: But that’s not all you are! You’re the fastest and most agile of all of us here, and you’re one of the bravest too.
Dash: Well, I know that, but I don’t think stroking my ego’s gonna help this time.
Fluttershy: I’m not telling you this for your ego, I’m doing it for you. Yes, you do have an ego, but you’re so good at so many things that you have every right to it. You’re a better flier than anypony I’ve ever met, you’re the backbone of Ponyville’s weather team, you can perform a sonic rainboom almost at will, and you’ve even personally met the Wonderbolts more often than most pegasi could ever dream to!
Dash: I guess I have. Never thought of it like that.
Fluttershy: And if nothing else, you’re the Element of Loyalty. The story has you completely obsessed with the Wonderbolts, but you care more about your friends - about us - than you do about them. You would never try to disappoint us or Ponyville in our times of need. In fact, you’ve helped us save Equestria twice, and that’s only counting the times we’ve used the Elements of Harmony!
Dash: Of course I did! I couldn’t live with myself if Equestria was overrun!
Fluttershy: Exactly! It means too much to you, just as you mean too much to us. None of us would have our cutie marks if it weren’t for you. I would never have even found my way to the ground and met all my friends without you! I owe so much of what I have now to you, Rainbow Dash. I couldn’t ask for a better friend than that.
Dash: You... really mean that, Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: Every word.
Dash: And... you all agree with her?
Rarity: Truer words were never spoken.
Pinkie: You’re the most awesomest pony I’ve ever met!
AJ: For the record, ah never thought you were fat or stupid.
Twilight: You were instrumental in my path to finding friends in the first place. We all owe something to each other, and to you.
(The six all gather for a group hug.)
Dash: Thanks so much, guys. You’re the best.
Fallen: What about me?
Dash: Eh.
Fallen: Thanks...
Pinkie: I think we’re ready for the next story now. Who’s up for “Apple Slices?”
AJ: Ah don’t like the sound of that. Wait, is that the-
Pinkie: Applecest clopfic I foreshadowed? Yes indeedy!
AJ: Dangit, Pinkie Pie!
Twilight: That’s enough of a thing to have its own name too!?
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Apple Slices
AJ: Ah have the worst feelin’ about that title.
Fallen: That’s perfectly fine. It means you’re sane.
"Ah kin... tha's it mah big bro... harder... yeah... deeper..."
"Eeeyup... eeyup..."
AJ: …can ah take my rope back?
Fallen: Don’t YOU start!
Big Mac and Applejack were in the barn. Together. The weather had been mild lately, so very mild, and the days had been long and hot.
Dash: How’s the weather important at all to any of this?
Applejack had been working the fields all day, every day, her taut muscles moving beneath her sweaty hide like a well-oiled machine. The sun though, that treacherous bringer of life and warmth, had put her in a most difficult ways.
Fallen: She’s in heat... in the heat?
Twilight: (facehoof)
She'd been seeing her brother working those fields, following after his hind-quarters one field and leading in front of him the next as they ploughed and furrowed. He worked hard, did her big brother the stallion, hard and long. So... very, very hard. And so very long.
AJ: GAH! MY BRAIN!
Nature had taken its course, fickle fiend of friendship. She'd found herself... presenting to her brother. Her brother!
Rarity: At least the story knows what it’s doing is wrong.
Her treacherous tail and flicked up and to the side with every stride across that arid landscape, netherquarters flashing pink in the sun; inviting, soft, available.
Twilight: Are you okay, Applejack? At the risk of sounding silly, you’re red as an apple!
AJ: WHO WROTE THIS!?
Her brother, for his part, had displayed himself most adequately. His large member hung low, swinging in time to his powerful hoof-beats as he led his sister in their ceaseless march across the acreage.
Pinkie: Now she’s as red as Big Macintosh!
AJ: WORST THING YOU COULD SAY RIGHT NOW!!!
His long, sturdy stallion cock was turgid with pride and the hot flush of blood, his heavy testicles, bursting with their seed, swaying in the wind. He was musky, was Big Macintosh, when he was working, and he was always working.
Fluttershy: Fallen...?
Fallen: (sigh) Fine. Yes, I keep a bottle of brain bleach on my person at all times. But I expect some of it to still be there when you’re done with it!
And right now, what he was working over was his sister.
Fallen: On second thought, why don’t you just give that back to me-
Fluttershy: IT’SMINEYOUCAN’THAVEIT!!!
It had started innocently enough, one cool evening. She'd been seeing to an errant bag of seeds, bending her head low, when a hairy, blunt snout had found its way to her netherlips.
Dash: THAT’S a new one.
Rather than buck him away - though she had squealed and flicked him with her tail - she had let her brother explore her most secret places. His tongue, hot and rough, had been an unexpected but most welcome intruder.
Rarity: The ability to unsee this would be a welcome asset.
Twilight: If I knew a spell for that, I’d be all over it.
It probed and pushed, teasingly, easing its way into her crevices. She'd moaned, then, long and low, wickering with suppressed need and squirting her feminine juices onto his muzzle.
Fallen: Thus righting the wrong of “Apple Blooms.”
AJ: FALLEN!
He'd curled his top lip back, a most animalistic display of interest, and snorted.
Pinkie: The story didn’t mention cocaine!
Fallen: You WOULD know what cocaine is...
The dance had begun, then. The dance as old as time, where she would trot a little ways and twirl, seeking to both deny him entrance and yet enticing playfully. He played his part eagerly, member stiff as an iron rod and swaying in the breeze.
Twilight: Can this be over now?
Dash: Why do you keep asking if you know it’s not gonna work?
Twilight: A mare can dream!
He nipped at her mane, undoing her pigtails as he ripped their rosettes from her long, flowing locks. He bit at her buttocks, teeth tugging and pulling, until she relented, until she submitted.
Fallen: The BDSM jokes write themselves.
And submit she did, most wantonly. Her hind legs, those strong legs that could buck a building of its foundations, buckled under his assault as he mounted her, his forelegs grabbing powerful around her barrel.
Twilight: …“barrel?”
Rarity: Are poor euphemisms going to be a theme?
Twilight: I think they already are.
His cock sought entrance to her wet palace of plenty, stabbing first fruitlessly in the air before plunging into her silken depths.
AJ: ...Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: When I’m done with it, you can have some.
AJ: You’re gonna drain the whole bottle, ah just know it...
She cried out, then, as they joined. She gasped as his thick member penetrated her defenses, and he called out similarly in a lusty bellow as she gripped his shaft with her inner muscles.
Dash: This hurts to look at.
Fallen: Can’t take a little penetration?
Dash: THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE HERE!
The day had been long, the sweat was honest,
Pinkie: Just like Applejack!
All but Pinkie: (facepalm/hoof)
and the heat and passion had risen through those last few long needy weeks. The call of nature could not be denied, and their movement in perfect unison attested to it as Big Mac fucked his sister Applejack.
Rarity: Rather blunt, don’t you think?
They rutted, long and hard, slamming into each other with relentless abandon, her fluids mingling with his as they dripped down her legs and smeared on his underbelly.
AJ: Fluttershy, don’t make me TAKE that bottle!
Fluttershy: I’m not finished with it! I can still see the story!
His musky scent mingled with her own unique fragrance as the dance continued, his teeth fastening on an ear or her mane, gripping and pulling in dominance as his mare, his sister, submitted to her master.
Fluttershy: Give that back!
AJ: You had yer turn! Now ah want mine!
Fallen: As entertaining as this is, I’m gonna have to tell you at some point... it’s just a placebo. All that’s in that bottle is flat ginger ale.
Fluttershy: ...you couldn’t have told us sooner?
Fallen: And miss out on that little display? I don’t think so.
Big Mac groaned and moaned, thrusting powerfully into the hips of his little sister, his huge cock flaring as it prepared to unleash a torrent of powerful ponyseed deep into her verdant depths. Already the sweet nectar was flowing freely, his smell marking his mare as his own even as it lubricated the passage of his mighty shaft.
Twilight: If I have any issue with this, it’s how vividly descriptive it is.
Pinkie: Isn’t that a good thing, though?
Twilight: In a story about Big Macintosh rutting Applejack? No!
Another pair of eyes watched them, wide and innocent. Little Apple Bloom hid in the shadows.
AJ: APPLE BLOOM!?
Dash: She did warn you that was coming...
She'd been sent out by Granny Smith to see what was taking her brother and sister so long, but the ruckus had started just as she'd hid in the pickle barrels.
Pinkie: Heehee! That’s still so fun to say! Pickle barrel kumquat-
Dash: Not the time!
At first she thought her brother was hurting her sister, what with how she was calling his name and everything, but... then she'd starting calling out yes so often that she hadda be happy with things.
Fluttershy: Why couldn’t the brain bleach be real...
Apple Bloom settled down to listen as her sister called out lustfully.
"Oh yes Big Mac! Plow me harder! Fuck me like you fucked me before... make another Apple Bloom, Mac, make another baby for me,
AJ: No! NO! This is insultin’ on absolutely every level! Especially to our actual parents! Ah was there at the hospital when my mama gave birth to Apple Bloom!
Twilight: Why are you letting that get to you?
AJ: Because... that was the last time I ever-
Pinkie: Sad time was the last break! Right now it’s happy time!
Fallen: You mean pain time.
Pinkie: That’s what I said!
fill me with mah brothers seed, Big Mac! Oh Celestia! Ride me! Rut me! Woah Nelly!"
Twilight: Fallen, do you know of any place where you can buy-
Fallen: WE’RE DONE WITH THE BRAIN BLEACH!
They moved together, moved as one, grunting and moaning in need. Big Mac's strong hips thrust ever deeper, a whinny escaping his lips even as he tugged painfully on his sister's ear. Wetly, sloppily, he finally opened the floodgates and drenched her insides with his roiling cum,
Pinkie: That sounds like it feels icky!
Rarity: It does, believe me.
Fluttershy: I don’t think you ever told Fallen how you-
Rarity: Back to the story!
a tidal wave of equine juices that sprayed out to spatter upon the floor, followed by a second cumming
Fallen: Ugh...
as his flared cock slide loosely from her well-worked cuntlips, flaccid now as he rested upon his sister's broad back.
AJ: (quietly sobbing)
Dash: Uh... should we stop?
AJ: No! Let’s just keep goin’. Ah’ll... ah’ll be fine.
"Oh Applejack, yer th'best sister any-"
"Hush now, Big Mac, just rest atop me, big brother, ye done good."
Twilight: The phonetic rendering of their accents here is frustratingly heavy.
Fallen: Certainly makes me feel better about the way I’m doing it.
Twilight: What do you- you know what, never mind.
Granny Smith had listened long and hard to little Apple Bloom's tale, and had nodded wisely. "Ah hear ya, Apple Bloom. Now you jes listen to ol' Granny Smith, here's what'n you gotta do, Sweetie. It's time you partook o' a special bit o' yer upbringin' what yer granny ain'tnt seen fit ta teach ya so far."
Rarity: Is she encouraging Apple Bloom to join them!?
"You gonna teach me summat special, Granny?"
"Ah sure am, cutie-pie. You listen to Granny close now, y'hear?"
"Yes Granny!"
Dash: And then Granny Smith explained the meaning of life.
Apple Bloom danced for joy that night, she was going to get to take part in the funny dancing that her big brother and big sister had been doing every night for the last week!
Rarity: She IS encouraging it!
Fallen: Not exactly. Though you’ll wish she was.
Rarity: I’m concerned that you’re able to say that about a minor engaging in sexual activity.
Fallen: Just... wait for it.
Apple Bloom hid in the barn. She'd been told by Granny Smith to keep out of sight until everypony was ready. She didn't have to wait long, as her two siblings snuck in. They were filthy after their daily chores, but that didn't stop Big Mac from investigating beneath Applejack's tail.
Pinkie: Ew! They should at least wash up first!
It made Apple Bloom feel funny down there and found an idle hoof reaching between her own tail. She didn't know what it was, but it was good.
Fallen: There are gonna be a lot of “oh shit not again” moments with you guys, aren’t there.
Pinkie: Absolutely!
Creeping forwards though, she positioned herself below the rutting pair. Applejack's eyes had been closed, and Big Mac's attention had been entirely elsewhere, but when the filly snuck between AJ's hind legs, the older mare couldn't help but notice.
Fallen: Yeah, I think you were right about that ninja cutie mark, Applejack.
AJ: Fine. Whatever.
Fallen: ...it’s way too soon in the story for a mental breakdown. I think we may need to stop in the middle of this one to let her recover.
Pinkie: How about this? We finish the clop scene, and if she’s still this disturbed by it, we take that break. You might want it by then too!
"Apple Bloom! Jes what're you-"
"Not now Sis, 'm close... jes leave yer last foal t'investigate. She's jes curious, ain't that right?"
"Big Mac..."
Twilight: The accents here are seriously painful.
Dash: You haven’t had much to say about anything else in the writing.
Twilight: I know, and that’s scaring me. How can something so well-written be so terrible?
Big Mac didn't stop, though he did look down at Apple Bloom and wink. He flagged his tail and widened his stance, showing off his huge, wet cock to the filly as it plunged into Applejack over and over.
Rarity: You just assumed she wanted to see that!? You could be scarring her for life, for all you know!
Apple Bloom had to be curious, real curious, because she eased herself back between their joint hindlegs, nose snuffling up towards the velvety entrance, AJ's slick juices trickling down into Bloom's face.
Fluttershy: I can’t stand this...
Fallen: Dammit, you’re back to fearing the stories. You were doing so well...
Entranced by the scent, Apple Bloom let her lithe young tongue snake out and taste her sister and brother both, though she kept on searching, nibbling and licking, until Big Mac felt his daughter-and-sister nuzzling at his pendulous orbs.
Twilight: Every sentence makes my brain hurt.
He nickered, allowing little Bloom between his legs. She was more than curious, she was frisky.
The young foal was going to take part in something very special, she'd been told what to do by Granny Smith, and she was going to do it properly.
Rarity: Why would any story involve somepony as young and innocent as Apple Bloom in this... sinful display?
Dash: Wherever this is going, ANYTHING would be better than the obvious course.
Big Mac thrust his hips, grinding against his sister Applejack. He nickered playfully as Apple Bloom played with his balls. The young filly was nibbling at them, grabbing his pendulous orbs in her teeth and moving them around.
Fallen: I’m pretty sure having someone gnaw at your junk would be painful.
Fluttershy: Why did I wonder if they would fit in her mouth!?
He jerked roughly, the incessant, rough and inexpert touch of his young daughter taking him over the edge.
AJ: SHE IS NOT OUR DAUGHTER!
Fallen: Pinkie, I think I may need to take you up on your offer. It’s almost done, right?
Pinkie: Almost!
Her dainty hooves were soft and pliable, she used them now instead, and it was spurring him onwards ever further into the heights of orgasmic pleasure.
That was when Apple Bloom brought the two bricks together.
AJ: APPLE BLOOM!!!
Fallen: (cringe) We’re stopping.
Dash: This isn’t even the longest story we’ve done, though! Why do we need to stop right in the middle of-
Fallen: WE'RE STOPPING.
AJ: Ah have the worst feelin’ about that title.
Fallen: That’s perfectly fine. It means you’re sane.
"Ah kin... tha's it mah big bro... harder... yeah... deeper..."
"Eeeyup... eeyup..."
AJ: …can ah take my rope back?
Fallen: Don’t YOU start!
Big Mac and Applejack were in the barn. Together. The weather had been mild lately, so very mild, and the days had been long and hot.
Dash: How’s the weather important at all to any of this?
Applejack had been working the fields all day, every day, her taut muscles moving beneath her sweaty hide like a well-oiled machine. The sun though, that treacherous bringer of life and warmth, had put her in a most difficult ways.
Fallen: She’s in heat... in the heat?
Twilight: (facehoof)
She'd been seeing her brother working those fields, following after his hind-quarters one field and leading in front of him the next as they ploughed and furrowed. He worked hard, did her big brother the stallion, hard and long. So... very, very hard. And so very long.
AJ: GAH! MY BRAIN!
Nature had taken its course, fickle fiend of friendship. She'd found herself... presenting to her brother. Her brother!
Rarity: At least the story knows what it’s doing is wrong.
Her treacherous tail and flicked up and to the side with every stride across that arid landscape, netherquarters flashing pink in the sun; inviting, soft, available.
Twilight: Are you okay, Applejack? At the risk of sounding silly, you’re red as an apple!
AJ: WHO WROTE THIS!?
Her brother, for his part, had displayed himself most adequately. His large member hung low, swinging in time to his powerful hoof-beats as he led his sister in their ceaseless march across the acreage.
Pinkie: Now she’s as red as Big Macintosh!
AJ: WORST THING YOU COULD SAY RIGHT NOW!!!
His long, sturdy stallion cock was turgid with pride and the hot flush of blood, his heavy testicles, bursting with their seed, swaying in the wind. He was musky, was Big Macintosh, when he was working, and he was always working.
Fluttershy: Fallen...?
Fallen: (sigh) Fine. Yes, I keep a bottle of brain bleach on my person at all times. But I expect some of it to still be there when you’re done with it!
And right now, what he was working over was his sister.
Fallen: On second thought, why don’t you just give that back to me-
Fluttershy: IT’SMINEYOUCAN’THAVEIT!!!
It had started innocently enough, one cool evening. She'd been seeing to an errant bag of seeds, bending her head low, when a hairy, blunt snout had found its way to her netherlips.
Dash: THAT’S a new one.
Rather than buck him away - though she had squealed and flicked him with her tail - she had let her brother explore her most secret places. His tongue, hot and rough, had been an unexpected but most welcome intruder.
Rarity: The ability to unsee this would be a welcome asset.
Twilight: If I knew a spell for that, I’d be all over it.
It probed and pushed, teasingly, easing its way into her crevices. She'd moaned, then, long and low, wickering with suppressed need and squirting her feminine juices onto his muzzle.
Fallen: Thus righting the wrong of “Apple Blooms.”
AJ: FALLEN!
He'd curled his top lip back, a most animalistic display of interest, and snorted.
Pinkie: The story didn’t mention cocaine!
Fallen: You WOULD know what cocaine is...
The dance had begun, then. The dance as old as time, where she would trot a little ways and twirl, seeking to both deny him entrance and yet enticing playfully. He played his part eagerly, member stiff as an iron rod and swaying in the breeze.
Twilight: Can this be over now?
Dash: Why do you keep asking if you know it’s not gonna work?
Twilight: A mare can dream!
He nipped at her mane, undoing her pigtails as he ripped their rosettes from her long, flowing locks. He bit at her buttocks, teeth tugging and pulling, until she relented, until she submitted.
Fallen: The BDSM jokes write themselves.
And submit she did, most wantonly. Her hind legs, those strong legs that could buck a building of its foundations, buckled under his assault as he mounted her, his forelegs grabbing powerful around her barrel.
Twilight: …“barrel?”
Rarity: Are poor euphemisms going to be a theme?
Twilight: I think they already are.
His cock sought entrance to her wet palace of plenty, stabbing first fruitlessly in the air before plunging into her silken depths.
AJ: ...Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: When I’m done with it, you can have some.
AJ: You’re gonna drain the whole bottle, ah just know it...
She cried out, then, as they joined. She gasped as his thick member penetrated her defenses, and he called out similarly in a lusty bellow as she gripped his shaft with her inner muscles.
Dash: This hurts to look at.
Fallen: Can’t take a little penetration?
Dash: THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE HERE!
The day had been long, the sweat was honest,
Pinkie: Just like Applejack!
All but Pinkie: (facepalm/hoof)
and the heat and passion had risen through those last few long needy weeks. The call of nature could not be denied, and their movement in perfect unison attested to it as Big Mac fucked his sister Applejack.
Rarity: Rather blunt, don’t you think?
They rutted, long and hard, slamming into each other with relentless abandon, her fluids mingling with his as they dripped down her legs and smeared on his underbelly.
AJ: Fluttershy, don’t make me TAKE that bottle!
Fluttershy: I’m not finished with it! I can still see the story!
His musky scent mingled with her own unique fragrance as the dance continued, his teeth fastening on an ear or her mane, gripping and pulling in dominance as his mare, his sister, submitted to her master.
Fluttershy: Give that back!
AJ: You had yer turn! Now ah want mine!
Fallen: As entertaining as this is, I’m gonna have to tell you at some point... it’s just a placebo. All that’s in that bottle is flat ginger ale.
Fluttershy: ...you couldn’t have told us sooner?
Fallen: And miss out on that little display? I don’t think so.
Big Mac groaned and moaned, thrusting powerfully into the hips of his little sister, his huge cock flaring as it prepared to unleash a torrent of powerful ponyseed deep into her verdant depths. Already the sweet nectar was flowing freely, his smell marking his mare as his own even as it lubricated the passage of his mighty shaft.
Twilight: If I have any issue with this, it’s how vividly descriptive it is.
Pinkie: Isn’t that a good thing, though?
Twilight: In a story about Big Macintosh rutting Applejack? No!
Another pair of eyes watched them, wide and innocent. Little Apple Bloom hid in the shadows.
AJ: APPLE BLOOM!?
Dash: She did warn you that was coming...
She'd been sent out by Granny Smith to see what was taking her brother and sister so long, but the ruckus had started just as she'd hid in the pickle barrels.
Pinkie: Heehee! That’s still so fun to say! Pickle barrel kumquat-
Dash: Not the time!
At first she thought her brother was hurting her sister, what with how she was calling his name and everything, but... then she'd starting calling out yes so often that she hadda be happy with things.
Fluttershy: Why couldn’t the brain bleach be real...
Apple Bloom settled down to listen as her sister called out lustfully.
"Oh yes Big Mac! Plow me harder! Fuck me like you fucked me before... make another Apple Bloom, Mac, make another baby for me,
AJ: No! NO! This is insultin’ on absolutely every level! Especially to our actual parents! Ah was there at the hospital when my mama gave birth to Apple Bloom!
Twilight: Why are you letting that get to you?
AJ: Because... that was the last time I ever-
Pinkie: Sad time was the last break! Right now it’s happy time!
Fallen: You mean pain time.
Pinkie: That’s what I said!
fill me with mah brothers seed, Big Mac! Oh Celestia! Ride me! Rut me! Woah Nelly!"
Twilight: Fallen, do you know of any place where you can buy-
Fallen: WE’RE DONE WITH THE BRAIN BLEACH!
They moved together, moved as one, grunting and moaning in need. Big Mac's strong hips thrust ever deeper, a whinny escaping his lips even as he tugged painfully on his sister's ear. Wetly, sloppily, he finally opened the floodgates and drenched her insides with his roiling cum,
Pinkie: That sounds like it feels icky!
Rarity: It does, believe me.
Fluttershy: I don’t think you ever told Fallen how you-
Rarity: Back to the story!
a tidal wave of equine juices that sprayed out to spatter upon the floor, followed by a second cumming
Fallen: Ugh...
as his flared cock slide loosely from her well-worked cuntlips, flaccid now as he rested upon his sister's broad back.
AJ: (quietly sobbing)
Dash: Uh... should we stop?
AJ: No! Let’s just keep goin’. Ah’ll... ah’ll be fine.
"Oh Applejack, yer th'best sister any-"
"Hush now, Big Mac, just rest atop me, big brother, ye done good."
Twilight: The phonetic rendering of their accents here is frustratingly heavy.
Fallen: Certainly makes me feel better about the way I’m doing it.
Twilight: What do you- you know what, never mind.
Granny Smith had listened long and hard to little Apple Bloom's tale, and had nodded wisely. "Ah hear ya, Apple Bloom. Now you jes listen to ol' Granny Smith, here's what'n you gotta do, Sweetie. It's time you partook o' a special bit o' yer upbringin' what yer granny ain'tnt seen fit ta teach ya so far."
Rarity: Is she encouraging Apple Bloom to join them!?
"You gonna teach me summat special, Granny?"
"Ah sure am, cutie-pie. You listen to Granny close now, y'hear?"
"Yes Granny!"
Dash: And then Granny Smith explained the meaning of life.
Apple Bloom danced for joy that night, she was going to get to take part in the funny dancing that her big brother and big sister had been doing every night for the last week!
Rarity: She IS encouraging it!
Fallen: Not exactly. Though you’ll wish she was.
Rarity: I’m concerned that you’re able to say that about a minor engaging in sexual activity.
Fallen: Just... wait for it.
Apple Bloom hid in the barn. She'd been told by Granny Smith to keep out of sight until everypony was ready. She didn't have to wait long, as her two siblings snuck in. They were filthy after their daily chores, but that didn't stop Big Mac from investigating beneath Applejack's tail.
Pinkie: Ew! They should at least wash up first!
It made Apple Bloom feel funny down there and found an idle hoof reaching between her own tail. She didn't know what it was, but it was good.
Fallen: There are gonna be a lot of “oh shit not again” moments with you guys, aren’t there.
Pinkie: Absolutely!
Creeping forwards though, she positioned herself below the rutting pair. Applejack's eyes had been closed, and Big Mac's attention had been entirely elsewhere, but when the filly snuck between AJ's hind legs, the older mare couldn't help but notice.
Fallen: Yeah, I think you were right about that ninja cutie mark, Applejack.
AJ: Fine. Whatever.
Fallen: ...it’s way too soon in the story for a mental breakdown. I think we may need to stop in the middle of this one to let her recover.
Pinkie: How about this? We finish the clop scene, and if she’s still this disturbed by it, we take that break. You might want it by then too!
"Apple Bloom! Jes what're you-"
"Not now Sis, 'm close... jes leave yer last foal t'investigate. She's jes curious, ain't that right?"
"Big Mac..."
Twilight: The accents here are seriously painful.
Dash: You haven’t had much to say about anything else in the writing.
Twilight: I know, and that’s scaring me. How can something so well-written be so terrible?
Big Mac didn't stop, though he did look down at Apple Bloom and wink. He flagged his tail and widened his stance, showing off his huge, wet cock to the filly as it plunged into Applejack over and over.
Rarity: You just assumed she wanted to see that!? You could be scarring her for life, for all you know!
Apple Bloom had to be curious, real curious, because she eased herself back between their joint hindlegs, nose snuffling up towards the velvety entrance, AJ's slick juices trickling down into Bloom's face.
Fluttershy: I can’t stand this...
Fallen: Dammit, you’re back to fearing the stories. You were doing so well...
Entranced by the scent, Apple Bloom let her lithe young tongue snake out and taste her sister and brother both, though she kept on searching, nibbling and licking, until Big Mac felt his daughter-and-sister nuzzling at his pendulous orbs.
Twilight: Every sentence makes my brain hurt.
He nickered, allowing little Bloom between his legs. She was more than curious, she was frisky.
The young foal was going to take part in something very special, she'd been told what to do by Granny Smith, and she was going to do it properly.
Rarity: Why would any story involve somepony as young and innocent as Apple Bloom in this... sinful display?
Dash: Wherever this is going, ANYTHING would be better than the obvious course.
Big Mac thrust his hips, grinding against his sister Applejack. He nickered playfully as Apple Bloom played with his balls. The young filly was nibbling at them, grabbing his pendulous orbs in her teeth and moving them around.
Fallen: I’m pretty sure having someone gnaw at your junk would be painful.
Fluttershy: Why did I wonder if they would fit in her mouth!?
He jerked roughly, the incessant, rough and inexpert touch of his young daughter taking him over the edge.
AJ: SHE IS NOT OUR DAUGHTER!
Fallen: Pinkie, I think I may need to take you up on your offer. It’s almost done, right?
Pinkie: Almost!
Her dainty hooves were soft and pliable, she used them now instead, and it was spurring him onwards ever further into the heights of orgasmic pleasure.
That was when Apple Bloom brought the two bricks together.
AJ: APPLE BLOOM!!!
Fallen: (cringe) We’re stopping.
Dash: This isn’t even the longest story we’ve done, though! Why do we need to stop right in the middle of-
Fallen: WE'RE STOPPING.
Dash: Seriously. Why?
Fallen: Because the last thing any guy wants to see or read about it testicular torture-
Pinkie: Oh, that’s barely even STARTED yet!
Fallen: And because I really think Applejack needs to unwind.
AJ: ...thanks, Fallen.
Fallen: No problem. Consider us even for the rope. There’s a third reason, too, and it’s probably bugging Twilight as much as it is me.
Twilight: That could either mean the quality of the writing, or... the half-reveals about everypony?
Fallen: Spot-on. It’s gonna piss me off if I don’t know exactly what went down with all of you. Starting with Applejack.
AJ: What?
Fallen: I’m going to chalk the rope thing up to bondage and/or autoerotic asphyxiation and demand we not talk about it-
AJ: How did you get THAT from-
Fallen: -but I want to know what happened to your mother. The way you were talking about her, it sounded like she died giving birth.
AJ: Oh, no, nothin’ like that. She and Bloom were both fine from that. But... my parents didn’t stay at Sweet Apple Acres for much longer after she was born. Ah haven’t seen ‘em in person for years. They write and send pictures often enough, but it just ain’t the same as seein’ ‘em right in front of me.
Twilight: Wait... the Summer Sun Celebration! I thought the whole Apple family was there!
AJ: No, there were a few that stayed behind for one reason or another. Braeburn was helpin’ plant the orchard at Appleloosa, so he wasn’t there either. My parents, though... they just didn’t make it in time. They were runnin’ late, and by the time they made it to the train station, they’d stopped all the ones goin’ through Ponyville ‘cuz of Nightmare Moon.
Fluttershy: It wasn’t their fault, Applejack.
AJ: Ah never thought it was. It’s just... ah’d give just about anything to see ‘em again...
Fallen: So that’s why parentage was such a sensitive topic... alright then, Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: EEP!
Fallen: The whole thing with the guns. That’s nagged at me longer than any of the others. Explain. Now.
Fluttershy: Are you sure? It’s... probably sadder than Applejack’s story...
Fallen: Don’t care. You were about to explain to Rarity earlier anyway.
Fluttershy: Well... about two years ago, I was caring for a bear... but one day he was bitten by a wild animal that came out of the Everfree Forest. I treated the wound as well as I could, but I didn’t realize anything was wrong with him until he started... foaming at the mouth and... and lashing out at me...
Fallen: Rabid bear? That CAN’T be good.
Fluttershy: I was terrified! I couldn’t do anything to help the poor thing, and every time I tried, he would attack me! So I had to... I... I’m sorry, I can’t...
Dash: Yes you can, Fluttershy. Come on.
Fluttershy: ...I had to buy a gun and put him down.
Twilight: You, of all ponies!?
Fluttershy: I had no other choice! He was suffering, and I couldn’t get close enough to inject him with anything to put him down painlessly...
Rarity: Wait, you’ve got equipment to do THAT too?
Fluttershy: I’ve rarely ever used it. I really don’t like to.
Dash: But what does any of this have to do with your freaky knowledge of guns?
Fluttershy: Well, I needed to pick between different ones to make the purchase... and I may have gotten a little curious about firearms and weapons after using it...
Fallen: A little? You were name-dropping military weapons! And how did you even manage to pull the trigger!?
Fluttershy: Pony guns work a little differently from human guns. If you want, I can show you the one I bought...
Fallen: Maybe some other time. Wait, I thought Twilight said it was practically impossible for a pony to legally get a-
Fluttershy: Can we not discuss this part?
Fallen: ...okay, I’ll have to squeeze THAT out of you someday. For now, though, it’s Rainbow Dash’s turn.
Dash: What did I ever say?
Fallen: Well, ignoring your secret crush on Pinkie-
Dash: WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE ONE!?
Fallen: -there was the thing about dental drills.
Dash: OH no. I said I wasn’t gonna tell that one, and I meant it!
Pinkie: Come on, Dashie! Applejack and Fluttershy told their stories, so you should too!
Dash: No! It makes me look like an idiot!
Fallen: Oh, now I really want to hear this.
Twilight: Just tell us. How bad could it be?
Dash: FINE! It’s short anyway. The reason I don’t really like those drills, or dentists in general, was because I kind of... let the Cutie Mark Crusaders try for dentist cutie marks and use me to practice.
Fallen: ...you realize that’s the stupidest thing you could have possibly done, right?
Dash: Not my proudest moment. It was Scootaloo’s idea anyway, and the little squirt was happy enough to be “helping” me. But my mouth ached for a month after that!
Rarity: Oh, so THAT’S why you looked and sounded like you were in agony for that entire month!
Dash: Yeah. It hurt too much to try to explain it, and by the time it went away, I just didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
Fallen: See? That wasn’t so hard. I guess next can be-
Pinkie: Bored now! More story!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: Because the last thing any guy wants to see or read about it testicular torture-
Pinkie: Oh, that’s barely even STARTED yet!
Fallen: And because I really think Applejack needs to unwind.
AJ: ...thanks, Fallen.
Fallen: No problem. Consider us even for the rope. There’s a third reason, too, and it’s probably bugging Twilight as much as it is me.
Twilight: That could either mean the quality of the writing, or... the half-reveals about everypony?
Fallen: Spot-on. It’s gonna piss me off if I don’t know exactly what went down with all of you. Starting with Applejack.
AJ: What?
Fallen: I’m going to chalk the rope thing up to bondage and/or autoerotic asphyxiation and demand we not talk about it-
AJ: How did you get THAT from-
Fallen: -but I want to know what happened to your mother. The way you were talking about her, it sounded like she died giving birth.
AJ: Oh, no, nothin’ like that. She and Bloom were both fine from that. But... my parents didn’t stay at Sweet Apple Acres for much longer after she was born. Ah haven’t seen ‘em in person for years. They write and send pictures often enough, but it just ain’t the same as seein’ ‘em right in front of me.
Twilight: Wait... the Summer Sun Celebration! I thought the whole Apple family was there!
AJ: No, there were a few that stayed behind for one reason or another. Braeburn was helpin’ plant the orchard at Appleloosa, so he wasn’t there either. My parents, though... they just didn’t make it in time. They were runnin’ late, and by the time they made it to the train station, they’d stopped all the ones goin’ through Ponyville ‘cuz of Nightmare Moon.
Fluttershy: It wasn’t their fault, Applejack.
AJ: Ah never thought it was. It’s just... ah’d give just about anything to see ‘em again...
Fallen: So that’s why parentage was such a sensitive topic... alright then, Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: EEP!
Fallen: The whole thing with the guns. That’s nagged at me longer than any of the others. Explain. Now.
Fluttershy: Are you sure? It’s... probably sadder than Applejack’s story...
Fallen: Don’t care. You were about to explain to Rarity earlier anyway.
Fluttershy: Well... about two years ago, I was caring for a bear... but one day he was bitten by a wild animal that came out of the Everfree Forest. I treated the wound as well as I could, but I didn’t realize anything was wrong with him until he started... foaming at the mouth and... and lashing out at me...
Fallen: Rabid bear? That CAN’T be good.
Fluttershy: I was terrified! I couldn’t do anything to help the poor thing, and every time I tried, he would attack me! So I had to... I... I’m sorry, I can’t...
Dash: Yes you can, Fluttershy. Come on.
Fluttershy: ...I had to buy a gun and put him down.
Twilight: You, of all ponies!?
Fluttershy: I had no other choice! He was suffering, and I couldn’t get close enough to inject him with anything to put him down painlessly...
Rarity: Wait, you’ve got equipment to do THAT too?
Fluttershy: I’ve rarely ever used it. I really don’t like to.
Dash: But what does any of this have to do with your freaky knowledge of guns?
Fluttershy: Well, I needed to pick between different ones to make the purchase... and I may have gotten a little curious about firearms and weapons after using it...
Fallen: A little? You were name-dropping military weapons! And how did you even manage to pull the trigger!?
Fluttershy: Pony guns work a little differently from human guns. If you want, I can show you the one I bought...
Fallen: Maybe some other time. Wait, I thought Twilight said it was practically impossible for a pony to legally get a-
Fluttershy: Can we not discuss this part?
Fallen: ...okay, I’ll have to squeeze THAT out of you someday. For now, though, it’s Rainbow Dash’s turn.
Dash: What did I ever say?
Fallen: Well, ignoring your secret crush on Pinkie-
Dash: WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE ONE!?
Fallen: -there was the thing about dental drills.
Dash: OH no. I said I wasn’t gonna tell that one, and I meant it!
Pinkie: Come on, Dashie! Applejack and Fluttershy told their stories, so you should too!
Dash: No! It makes me look like an idiot!
Fallen: Oh, now I really want to hear this.
Twilight: Just tell us. How bad could it be?
Dash: FINE! It’s short anyway. The reason I don’t really like those drills, or dentists in general, was because I kind of... let the Cutie Mark Crusaders try for dentist cutie marks and use me to practice.
Fallen: ...you realize that’s the stupidest thing you could have possibly done, right?
Dash: Not my proudest moment. It was Scootaloo’s idea anyway, and the little squirt was happy enough to be “helping” me. But my mouth ached for a month after that!
Rarity: Oh, so THAT’S why you looked and sounded like you were in agony for that entire month!
Dash: Yeah. It hurt too much to try to explain it, and by the time it went away, I just didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
Fallen: See? That wasn’t so hard. I guess next can be-
Pinkie: Bored now! More story!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Big Mac screamed, pulling out of his sister and rolling around on the floor.
Fallen: I hope you know your story’s coming next, Pinkie.
Pinkie: Worth it!
"Did ah do it right, Granny?" Apple Bloom looked up as Granny plodded her knock-kneed way into the bar. The bricks were splashed with red and pink, and a good deal of crimson was spattering the ground.
Fallen: I’m certain most male readers are weeping right now.
"Dagnabbit, Ah said not t'miss child! Ye only clipped him!"
Pinkie: “You were supposed to squash it like a grape!”
Fallen: Pinkie Pie!
Big Mac rolled on the floor, writing and screaming in pain. Between his legs was a burning pain like a thousand suns exploding. He could feel it, he could feel how his damaged testicle throbbed and burned.
Rarity: I feel fortunate for not being able to fully sympathize, but this is still making me feel uneasy.
He blundered blindly, crashing into the walls and knocking farming implements flying. He stumbled and fell, crying out as tears blinded him.
Fallen: If anyone’s heard of a kids’ movie called Gallivants, you’d know that’s backwards. If you haven’t, don’t watch it.
Fluttershy: Who are you talking to?
A brief flash of sunlight and freedom pulled him onwards, out of the barn, but he found his legs entangled and he crashed to the ground, helpless as a foal.
AJ: ...as over the incest thing as ah am for now, ah’m still not fond of seein’ Big Macintosh this helpless.
In a surprising display of spryness, Granny Smith had trussed up the writhing red stallion with several loops of rope, before dropping a burlap sack over his head and eyes. Then she sat on his head to keep him still. Granny was closing on three hundred,
Twilight: I highly doubt she’s that old.
but she was surprisingly strong.
Twilight: No offense to Granny Smith, but I ALSO highly doubt she’s that strong.
"Granny? Wh-what in tarnation?" AJ was breathing heavily, the whole exchange had taken place in seeming seconds. Her tail was high, and she was leaking her brother's cum from her well-used plothole,
AJ: Nope. Ah’m not seein’ that. That’s not happenin’ right now.
and didn't know whether to cover it up or flee, so she just stood there.
"Dagnabbit! y'all know Ah tol' you I didn't want another Apple Bloom! S'time we dealt with this stallion the Apple Family Way."
Pinkie: “Force-feed him fresh-cooked apple pies until he says he’s sorry!”
"Whut?" Big Mac managed from inside the sack.
Granny Smith held down the red stallion as he started to fight, "Fetch the emasculator, Apple Bloom!"
Fluttershy: I don’t like the sound of that...
"Yes Granny!"
"That left one's gonna have t'come off, so we'll stick with the emasculator and take both right out.."
"Yay!"
Fallen: Okay, this is completely wrong.
Rarity: I know! Why would Apple Bloom be so excited to castrate her own brother, or anypony for that matter!?
Fallen: Not what I meant.
Rarity: W...what?
Fallen: If you want to ruin him properly, don’t cut off his balls so he won’t WANT to get off. Cut off his dick so he CAN’T.
Rarity: I worry about you.
Fallen: Not the first, won’t be the last.
Her stainless steel equipment had been carefully but quickly boiled, using first aid techniques learned whilst out crusading for a veterinary cutie-mark.
Dash: But she didn’t GET that cutie mark. So how is she doing this right?
Apple Bloom moved the knife carefully and slowly in her jaws, working around her brothers twitching and hollering. She wasn't big enough to use anaesthetic, and besides, her brother was a stallion, at least until she was finished. He was male enough to take a little pain.
Twilight: Where she’s cutting, I don’t think he’ll be able to take much.
Slicing open the bottom of her brother's heavy, glistening scrotum, she cut off the excess from where her bricks had caused lesions and torn open the skin. Her brother's crotch would no longer harbor those beautiful seed-filled foalmakers,
Fallen: What gender was the person who just wrote the words “beautiful seed-filled foalmakers?”
but she wasn't about to leave an ugly scar. She had wielded a carving knife most expertly from when she and the rest of the cutie-mark crusaders had been chefs for a day.
Pinkie: I remember that day. Mr. and Mrs. Cake never want them behind the counter again.
The sharpened edge had sliced easily through her older brother's sack, to reveal his precious apples.
Rarity: I feel like I’ve been reduced to griping about the euphemisms these stories have been using for genitalia.
Fallen: You mean you haven’t?
Granny had shown her how, then, to tease the the stallion's balls out of their almost placental white inner sack. The testicles and their spermatic cords with attached veins and arteries gleamed wetly in the soft light of the barn.
Fluttershy: Too vivid... can’t unsee...
Big Mac groaned, finding it hard to breathe as he was restrained by rope and weight. His world was pain, and he feebly kicked his legs in an effort to stand or even move, but it was no use.
AJ: This is demeanin’ on every level.
Every touch of the knife was agony, and his plaintive cries to be let free were going unhindered. His body jerked tightly as flesh was carefully pared away for a cleaner, neater final result.
The emasculator was a shiny metal device that looked like an important pair of scissors
Fallen: These scissors are vital to my plans. Guard them with your lives!
with a ratchet on top. As Granny guided her, ignoring AJ's pleas for clemency, Apple Bloom closed the jaws around the now-exposed testicle and the thick ropey pink and white cords that bound it to Big Mac.
Twilight: This author clearly knows the first thing about anatomy. And again, the writing quality only makes this worse.
The device sealed the arteries and crushed the spermatic cords, and Apple Bloom watched with great interest as the once-great coltmaker grew cold and dark. After a few minutes, Granny let her push the jaws all the way closed.
Dash: Fallen, are you okay? You’ve been cupping your groin for most of the scene.
Fallen: You don’t know what it’s like to suffer like that!
Dash: …neither do you.
With an audible snick as she wielded the cutters, Big Mac's left testicle flopped onto the ground where it rolled in the dust and hay, coming to rest in a puddle of his own precum.
Fallen: ...well, I think that’s enough life for one day, let me check the time- (glances at bare wrist) -yeah, it’s about that time, I’ll just- (explodes)
Fluttershy: Oh my goodness! Is he going to-
Pinkie: He’s fine!
"Now fix t'other one, an' we'll have a geldin' ta welcome to the Apple Family."
"T'ain't fair, Granny Smith! Apple Bloom's a right good foal, and Big Mac's a good stallion! It's too soon fer this!"
AJ: Ah think ah’d be a lot madder than that! Is it saying ah only care because of the timing!?
"Aww hush, you go marry that nice young Caramel and make me a proper grandmother instead o' foolin' around with yer own brother!"
Fallen: Isn’t she already a grandmother to Applejack and Bic Macintosh, though?
Fluttershy: How do you just recover from an explosion like that!?
Fallen: It’s fine, I’m used to it.
Big Mac was rolled over, despite his weak protestations. The huge half-stallion was weak with pain, and still had his head covered. He was muddled and unable to put up a fight, though he still whimpered and jerked as Apple Bloom freed the other foalmaker.
Pinkie: Why were they kidnapping storks?
Dash: You know that’s not how it works, right?
Pinkie: Of course I know that, but now the joke is ruined!
Once more, the jaws of the emasculator closed upon his vas deferens. A few minutes later, and Apple Bloom found herself savouring the moment when she would take the stallionhood of her brother.
Rarity: Well, decency is now gone from the world. If you’ll excuse me, I must go and cry for the fate of equinity.
Hefting the jaws of the cutters in her muzzle, she nosed his now-cold foalmaker fondly, and snipped.
It fell, loosely and wetly, rolling away freely, coming to rest next to the previous one.
Fallen: I don’t ever want to see the word “coming” again in the context of this story.
"Did Ah do good, grandma?"
"Ye did swell, sweetie. Now close up an' we all go have some zap apple jam! Sewin's hard on an earthpony, Apple Bloom, so..."
Twilight: I can understand it being difficult for them to do, but I think earth ponies can take getting stitches.
"I kin do it! We were cutie-mark crusadin' and-"
Granny Smith shushed her with a wave of her aged hoof, "Yer a good one, Apple Bloom, y'all make a fine mare one day. Fetch the needle and thread like I tol' ya then."
Rarity: By the end of it all, she had sewn the most haphazard dress in all of Equestria!
Apple Bloom's needlework was neat and quick, and the severed scrotum was made whole in minutes. Whole, but dramatically smaller.
Fallen: So... unwhole.
No more would his pride and joy swing freely between his legs, inviting every mare for servicing, no. Now the once-great Big Mac was reduced to impotent gelding.
Pinkie: What’s a gelding?
Twilight: Um... I think I’d rather not explain it to-
Fallen: A castrated horse.
Pinkie: You have a WORD for that!?
Twilight: She didn’t need to know that, Fallen!
Fallen: Worth it.
Big Mac felt the ropes around his ankles being untied, and he was let up. As the hood was removed, he felt strangely naked. His tail was held tight to his hind-quarters, like a mare's,
AJ: We don’t really do that. It usually just hangs down like that.
and he couldn't meet the eyes of his sisters or Granny Smith.
"Big Mac, y'all git inside an' make us some tea. Go on, git!"
"Yes Granny," Big Mac found himself saying.
Rarity: I’m fortunate enough to never be able to learn from experience, but I’m all but certain that castration does not make a stallion subservient to anypony!
Apple Jack, shaking her tail out, still dripping, nuzzled her flanks to where new life was growing inside her.
Dash: How’d she get pregnant that fast!?
Fallen: Do you ponies do abortions?
Fluttershy: FALLEN!!!
"Ah still say t'ain't fair, but Ah could get used to this. Ah'm gonna need some help from that gelding durin' mah time growin' a new sister or brother. Till then, we's gonna need a new stallion around the farm too. Caramel is a nice pony, and if I get fed up of him, well, we've got Apple Bloom."
Fallen: “Just put a penis on her and she’ll be ready to go!” (kicked in the gut by AJ)
Applejack smiled down at the little filly, her eyes bright.
"What, sis? Why me?"
"Ain't ya seen it yet?"
Pinkie: It’s the zombie apocalypse!
Fallen: And they say MINE are the less coherent jokes...
***
Pinkie: Never mind. It’s actually the asterisk apocalypse!
"And that's how I got mah cutie-mark!" Apple Bloom happily showed it off to her friends in the playground, during recess at school.
Twilight: She just told a graphic tale about castrating her own brother to her classmates on school grounds.
"Apple Bloom?" asked a short, fat unicorn foal.
"Yeah Snips?"
Dash: NOT a name I want to see right now.
"What's a bur-deedso clamp do?"
"Well," Apple Bloom checked out the foal. He would never be much of a stallion, "Ah guess Ah kin show ya..."
AJ: We’re stoppin’. Right now.
Pinkie: Of course we are! The story’s over!
Fallen: It’s storytime for you, Pinkie. I didn’t forget.
Pinkie: ...oh.
Fallen: I hope you know your story’s coming next, Pinkie.
Pinkie: Worth it!
"Did ah do it right, Granny?" Apple Bloom looked up as Granny plodded her knock-kneed way into the bar. The bricks were splashed with red and pink, and a good deal of crimson was spattering the ground.
Fallen: I’m certain most male readers are weeping right now.
"Dagnabbit, Ah said not t'miss child! Ye only clipped him!"
Pinkie: “You were supposed to squash it like a grape!”
Fallen: Pinkie Pie!
Big Mac rolled on the floor, writing and screaming in pain. Between his legs was a burning pain like a thousand suns exploding. He could feel it, he could feel how his damaged testicle throbbed and burned.
Rarity: I feel fortunate for not being able to fully sympathize, but this is still making me feel uneasy.
He blundered blindly, crashing into the walls and knocking farming implements flying. He stumbled and fell, crying out as tears blinded him.
Fallen: If anyone’s heard of a kids’ movie called Gallivants, you’d know that’s backwards. If you haven’t, don’t watch it.
Fluttershy: Who are you talking to?
A brief flash of sunlight and freedom pulled him onwards, out of the barn, but he found his legs entangled and he crashed to the ground, helpless as a foal.
AJ: ...as over the incest thing as ah am for now, ah’m still not fond of seein’ Big Macintosh this helpless.
In a surprising display of spryness, Granny Smith had trussed up the writhing red stallion with several loops of rope, before dropping a burlap sack over his head and eyes. Then she sat on his head to keep him still. Granny was closing on three hundred,
Twilight: I highly doubt she’s that old.
but she was surprisingly strong.
Twilight: No offense to Granny Smith, but I ALSO highly doubt she’s that strong.
"Granny? Wh-what in tarnation?" AJ was breathing heavily, the whole exchange had taken place in seeming seconds. Her tail was high, and she was leaking her brother's cum from her well-used plothole,
AJ: Nope. Ah’m not seein’ that. That’s not happenin’ right now.
and didn't know whether to cover it up or flee, so she just stood there.
"Dagnabbit! y'all know Ah tol' you I didn't want another Apple Bloom! S'time we dealt with this stallion the Apple Family Way."
Pinkie: “Force-feed him fresh-cooked apple pies until he says he’s sorry!”
"Whut?" Big Mac managed from inside the sack.
Granny Smith held down the red stallion as he started to fight, "Fetch the emasculator, Apple Bloom!"
Fluttershy: I don’t like the sound of that...
"Yes Granny!"
"That left one's gonna have t'come off, so we'll stick with the emasculator and take both right out.."
"Yay!"
Fallen: Okay, this is completely wrong.
Rarity: I know! Why would Apple Bloom be so excited to castrate her own brother, or anypony for that matter!?
Fallen: Not what I meant.
Rarity: W...what?
Fallen: If you want to ruin him properly, don’t cut off his balls so he won’t WANT to get off. Cut off his dick so he CAN’T.
Rarity: I worry about you.
Fallen: Not the first, won’t be the last.
Her stainless steel equipment had been carefully but quickly boiled, using first aid techniques learned whilst out crusading for a veterinary cutie-mark.
Dash: But she didn’t GET that cutie mark. So how is she doing this right?
Apple Bloom moved the knife carefully and slowly in her jaws, working around her brothers twitching and hollering. She wasn't big enough to use anaesthetic, and besides, her brother was a stallion, at least until she was finished. He was male enough to take a little pain.
Twilight: Where she’s cutting, I don’t think he’ll be able to take much.
Slicing open the bottom of her brother's heavy, glistening scrotum, she cut off the excess from where her bricks had caused lesions and torn open the skin. Her brother's crotch would no longer harbor those beautiful seed-filled foalmakers,
Fallen: What gender was the person who just wrote the words “beautiful seed-filled foalmakers?”
but she wasn't about to leave an ugly scar. She had wielded a carving knife most expertly from when she and the rest of the cutie-mark crusaders had been chefs for a day.
Pinkie: I remember that day. Mr. and Mrs. Cake never want them behind the counter again.
The sharpened edge had sliced easily through her older brother's sack, to reveal his precious apples.
Rarity: I feel like I’ve been reduced to griping about the euphemisms these stories have been using for genitalia.
Fallen: You mean you haven’t?
Granny had shown her how, then, to tease the the stallion's balls out of their almost placental white inner sack. The testicles and their spermatic cords with attached veins and arteries gleamed wetly in the soft light of the barn.
Fluttershy: Too vivid... can’t unsee...
Big Mac groaned, finding it hard to breathe as he was restrained by rope and weight. His world was pain, and he feebly kicked his legs in an effort to stand or even move, but it was no use.
AJ: This is demeanin’ on every level.
Every touch of the knife was agony, and his plaintive cries to be let free were going unhindered. His body jerked tightly as flesh was carefully pared away for a cleaner, neater final result.
The emasculator was a shiny metal device that looked like an important pair of scissors
Fallen: These scissors are vital to my plans. Guard them with your lives!
with a ratchet on top. As Granny guided her, ignoring AJ's pleas for clemency, Apple Bloom closed the jaws around the now-exposed testicle and the thick ropey pink and white cords that bound it to Big Mac.
Twilight: This author clearly knows the first thing about anatomy. And again, the writing quality only makes this worse.
The device sealed the arteries and crushed the spermatic cords, and Apple Bloom watched with great interest as the once-great coltmaker grew cold and dark. After a few minutes, Granny let her push the jaws all the way closed.
Dash: Fallen, are you okay? You’ve been cupping your groin for most of the scene.
Fallen: You don’t know what it’s like to suffer like that!
Dash: …neither do you.
With an audible snick as she wielded the cutters, Big Mac's left testicle flopped onto the ground where it rolled in the dust and hay, coming to rest in a puddle of his own precum.
Fallen: ...well, I think that’s enough life for one day, let me check the time- (glances at bare wrist) -yeah, it’s about that time, I’ll just- (explodes)
Fluttershy: Oh my goodness! Is he going to-
Pinkie: He’s fine!
"Now fix t'other one, an' we'll have a geldin' ta welcome to the Apple Family."
"T'ain't fair, Granny Smith! Apple Bloom's a right good foal, and Big Mac's a good stallion! It's too soon fer this!"
AJ: Ah think ah’d be a lot madder than that! Is it saying ah only care because of the timing!?
"Aww hush, you go marry that nice young Caramel and make me a proper grandmother instead o' foolin' around with yer own brother!"
Fallen: Isn’t she already a grandmother to Applejack and Bic Macintosh, though?
Fluttershy: How do you just recover from an explosion like that!?
Fallen: It’s fine, I’m used to it.
Big Mac was rolled over, despite his weak protestations. The huge half-stallion was weak with pain, and still had his head covered. He was muddled and unable to put up a fight, though he still whimpered and jerked as Apple Bloom freed the other foalmaker.
Pinkie: Why were they kidnapping storks?
Dash: You know that’s not how it works, right?
Pinkie: Of course I know that, but now the joke is ruined!
Once more, the jaws of the emasculator closed upon his vas deferens. A few minutes later, and Apple Bloom found herself savouring the moment when she would take the stallionhood of her brother.
Rarity: Well, decency is now gone from the world. If you’ll excuse me, I must go and cry for the fate of equinity.
Hefting the jaws of the cutters in her muzzle, she nosed his now-cold foalmaker fondly, and snipped.
It fell, loosely and wetly, rolling away freely, coming to rest next to the previous one.
Fallen: I don’t ever want to see the word “coming” again in the context of this story.
"Did Ah do good, grandma?"
"Ye did swell, sweetie. Now close up an' we all go have some zap apple jam! Sewin's hard on an earthpony, Apple Bloom, so..."
Twilight: I can understand it being difficult for them to do, but I think earth ponies can take getting stitches.
"I kin do it! We were cutie-mark crusadin' and-"
Granny Smith shushed her with a wave of her aged hoof, "Yer a good one, Apple Bloom, y'all make a fine mare one day. Fetch the needle and thread like I tol' ya then."
Rarity: By the end of it all, she had sewn the most haphazard dress in all of Equestria!
Apple Bloom's needlework was neat and quick, and the severed scrotum was made whole in minutes. Whole, but dramatically smaller.
Fallen: So... unwhole.
No more would his pride and joy swing freely between his legs, inviting every mare for servicing, no. Now the once-great Big Mac was reduced to impotent gelding.
Pinkie: What’s a gelding?
Twilight: Um... I think I’d rather not explain it to-
Fallen: A castrated horse.
Pinkie: You have a WORD for that!?
Twilight: She didn’t need to know that, Fallen!
Fallen: Worth it.
Big Mac felt the ropes around his ankles being untied, and he was let up. As the hood was removed, he felt strangely naked. His tail was held tight to his hind-quarters, like a mare's,
AJ: We don’t really do that. It usually just hangs down like that.
and he couldn't meet the eyes of his sisters or Granny Smith.
"Big Mac, y'all git inside an' make us some tea. Go on, git!"
"Yes Granny," Big Mac found himself saying.
Rarity: I’m fortunate enough to never be able to learn from experience, but I’m all but certain that castration does not make a stallion subservient to anypony!
Apple Jack, shaking her tail out, still dripping, nuzzled her flanks to where new life was growing inside her.
Dash: How’d she get pregnant that fast!?
Fallen: Do you ponies do abortions?
Fluttershy: FALLEN!!!
"Ah still say t'ain't fair, but Ah could get used to this. Ah'm gonna need some help from that gelding durin' mah time growin' a new sister or brother. Till then, we's gonna need a new stallion around the farm too. Caramel is a nice pony, and if I get fed up of him, well, we've got Apple Bloom."
Fallen: “Just put a penis on her and she’ll be ready to go!” (kicked in the gut by AJ)
Applejack smiled down at the little filly, her eyes bright.
"What, sis? Why me?"
"Ain't ya seen it yet?"
Pinkie: It’s the zombie apocalypse!
Fallen: And they say MINE are the less coherent jokes...
***
Pinkie: Never mind. It’s actually the asterisk apocalypse!
"And that's how I got mah cutie-mark!" Apple Bloom happily showed it off to her friends in the playground, during recess at school.
Twilight: She just told a graphic tale about castrating her own brother to her classmates on school grounds.
"Apple Bloom?" asked a short, fat unicorn foal.
"Yeah Snips?"
Dash: NOT a name I want to see right now.
"What's a bur-deedso clamp do?"
"Well," Apple Bloom checked out the foal. He would never be much of a stallion, "Ah guess Ah kin show ya..."
AJ: We’re stoppin’. Right now.
Pinkie: Of course we are! The story’s over!
Fallen: It’s storytime for you, Pinkie. I didn’t forget.
Pinkie: ...oh.
Fallen: Alright, let’s hear it, Pinks. Apparently you’ve dated before. Spill the details.
Pinkie: Okay. It all started when... Rarity told her story first!
Fallen: No. Just tell your goddamn story before I-
Rarity: I wouldn’t entirely mind going ahead of her. Granted, my story is... rather shameful... but Pinkie Pie seems far less comfortable than I.
Fallen: ...fuck it, fine. But Pinkie, you’d better promise me that you’ll follow her up and not back out again.
Pinkie: But what about-
Twilight: Mine? If he’s thinking of the birth certificate thing, I might as well wait for you to start, since I’m starting to think the stories are kind of related.
Fallen: Okay, now I’m REALLY curious about what the hell happened. And you’re going to PINKIE PROMISE that you’ll tell me when Rarity’s finished. I want to make sure you commit to it.
Pinkie: ...alright. I promise I’ll tell my story after Rarity and I won’t try to get out of it. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Fallen: That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Now, Rarity, I assume your story has something to do with whoring yourself out.
Dash: What the crap, man!? What makes you think you can just accuse my friends of something like that!?
Rarity: ...he’s not entirely wrong.
Dash: What.
Fluttershy: You... you were a... a prostitute?
Rarity: Yes. Very briefly, whilst I was trying to raise the money to open the Carousel Boutique. Try as I might to find an honest job instead, there were none to be found. I only did... that... for about a week, and sparing the graphic details, it was the most dreadful experience of my life in more ways than one. I abandoned it the moment a legitimate employment opportunity presented itself to me.
AJ: Why didn’t ya say anything to any of us? We would’ve helped in any way we could!
Rarity: Because it was before I met any of you. My fashionista career was already well underway when most of us first became friends.
Dash: Well. This is a side of you I’ve never seen before.
Rarity: And one that shall never be seen again. I’m ashamed of myself for ever having considered it, and I would greatly appreciate if none of this information left this room.
Pinkie: I Pinkie promise nopony will ever know!
Fluttershy: Your secret’s safe with us, Rarity. I’m so, so sorry you had to put yourself through that...
Rarity: As am I. It proved fruitless in the end anyway, as I raised the bits I needed through more morally sound means.
Fallen: Well, now that we’re all done being sad here, why don’t we get to Pinkie’s dating disaster?
Twilight: Could you TRY caring about what’s going on around you?
Fallen: Nah.
Pinkie: Can I at least help cheer Rarity up?
Fallen: Pinkie Diane Pie, if you don’t make good on your promise right this second-
Pinkie: ALRIGHT, FINE! This might take a little while...
Twilight: This is a better way to spend the time than reading more stories.
Pinkie: Actually, I think the readers would rather-
Fallen: PINKIE!
Pinkie: Alright! So... I met this stallion at one of my parties-
Fallen: Stallion? I got the impression that this involved Trixie.
Pinkie: I’m not there yet! I met him, we became super-fast friends, we started dating after a month-ish, and it was going pretty good for a while.
AJ: How come ah didn’t know about THIS either?
Pinkie: Because he didn’t want to make a big deal of it and made me keep as quiet as I could about it. At first I thought it was because he was being modest, which reminds me SO MUCH of you, Fluttershy, but I learned the REAL reason one night when we went to a nightclub in Fillydelphia.
Twilight: Sounds like that’s where I come in. She told me one day that she intended to go to a club with an open bar, but she never- Pinkie, you never told me it was because you were going on a date with somepony! How did you manage to keep that quiet?
Pinkie: I don’t even KNOW anymore.
Twilight: Anyway, I basically refused to believe that Pinkie was old enough to go anywhere near alcohol, let alone a club with a bar. I didn’t want her doing anything illegal, so I made her prove she was of legal drinking age. Among that proof was her birth certificate with her name on it. It turns out that her last birthday - THAT last birthday - was when she became old enough to legally consume alcoholic beverages.
Fallen: So that’s how you saw her birth certificate. That’s it.
Twilight: I know, that’s not an exciting story... but if her story ends the way I think it’s going to, I’m not done in it.
Fallen: O...kay. Pinkie, continue.
Pinkie: Anyway, I was really happy he decided to come with me, since we actually didn’t see each other that often because of... well, the same reason he didn’t wanting me telling other ponies about it. We went, we had a great time, and he got REALLY drunk, and it was kind of funny the way he was stumbling around and singing off-key and-
Rarity: You’re getting off-track, darling.
Pinkie: I’m not, actually. He got wasted enough to start telling me a bunch of his secrets, and one of them was that he was-
Twilight: -that he was two-timing you. With Trixie.
Pinkie: Exactly! And then Trixie herself showed up to take him off my- wait, how did you know?
Twilight: I never suspected it before I realized you were in a committed relationship, but you came back from Fillydelphia more depressed than I’ve ever seen you. The name “Trixie” was one of the only things I could make out between sobs, but I never understood why she was such an issue with you until now. I stayed with you all night trying to console you, and I’m pretty sure I eventually did, but this is my first time hearing about WHY you were so sad.
Pinkie: I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I wasn’t over it enough to go back on his wishes to not tell anypony. I wouldn’t even have said anything now if I wasn’t being MADE to.
Fallen: Oh, so now I’M the bad guy. Thanks.
Pinkie: You’re welcome! Now that storytime’s over, we only have one more story to read, and it’s the longest one of all! It’s time for “A Fun Day!”
Fallen: The Scootabuse story?
Twilight: How many things does the fandom have words for!?
Fallen: Too many. But didn’t Storiesatrandom want to tackle this one?
Pinkie: Maybe, but you know what? The more the merrier!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Pinkie: Okay. It all started when... Rarity told her story first!
Fallen: No. Just tell your goddamn story before I-
Rarity: I wouldn’t entirely mind going ahead of her. Granted, my story is... rather shameful... but Pinkie Pie seems far less comfortable than I.
Fallen: ...fuck it, fine. But Pinkie, you’d better promise me that you’ll follow her up and not back out again.
Pinkie: But what about-
Twilight: Mine? If he’s thinking of the birth certificate thing, I might as well wait for you to start, since I’m starting to think the stories are kind of related.
Fallen: Okay, now I’m REALLY curious about what the hell happened. And you’re going to PINKIE PROMISE that you’ll tell me when Rarity’s finished. I want to make sure you commit to it.
Pinkie: ...alright. I promise I’ll tell my story after Rarity and I won’t try to get out of it. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Fallen: That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Now, Rarity, I assume your story has something to do with whoring yourself out.
Dash: What the crap, man!? What makes you think you can just accuse my friends of something like that!?
Rarity: ...he’s not entirely wrong.
Dash: What.
Fluttershy: You... you were a... a prostitute?
Rarity: Yes. Very briefly, whilst I was trying to raise the money to open the Carousel Boutique. Try as I might to find an honest job instead, there were none to be found. I only did... that... for about a week, and sparing the graphic details, it was the most dreadful experience of my life in more ways than one. I abandoned it the moment a legitimate employment opportunity presented itself to me.
AJ: Why didn’t ya say anything to any of us? We would’ve helped in any way we could!
Rarity: Because it was before I met any of you. My fashionista career was already well underway when most of us first became friends.
Dash: Well. This is a side of you I’ve never seen before.
Rarity: And one that shall never be seen again. I’m ashamed of myself for ever having considered it, and I would greatly appreciate if none of this information left this room.
Pinkie: I Pinkie promise nopony will ever know!
Fluttershy: Your secret’s safe with us, Rarity. I’m so, so sorry you had to put yourself through that...
Rarity: As am I. It proved fruitless in the end anyway, as I raised the bits I needed through more morally sound means.
Fallen: Well, now that we’re all done being sad here, why don’t we get to Pinkie’s dating disaster?
Twilight: Could you TRY caring about what’s going on around you?
Fallen: Nah.
Pinkie: Can I at least help cheer Rarity up?
Fallen: Pinkie Diane Pie, if you don’t make good on your promise right this second-
Pinkie: ALRIGHT, FINE! This might take a little while...
Twilight: This is a better way to spend the time than reading more stories.
Pinkie: Actually, I think the readers would rather-
Fallen: PINKIE!
Pinkie: Alright! So... I met this stallion at one of my parties-
Fallen: Stallion? I got the impression that this involved Trixie.
Pinkie: I’m not there yet! I met him, we became super-fast friends, we started dating after a month-ish, and it was going pretty good for a while.
AJ: How come ah didn’t know about THIS either?
Pinkie: Because he didn’t want to make a big deal of it and made me keep as quiet as I could about it. At first I thought it was because he was being modest, which reminds me SO MUCH of you, Fluttershy, but I learned the REAL reason one night when we went to a nightclub in Fillydelphia.
Twilight: Sounds like that’s where I come in. She told me one day that she intended to go to a club with an open bar, but she never- Pinkie, you never told me it was because you were going on a date with somepony! How did you manage to keep that quiet?
Pinkie: I don’t even KNOW anymore.
Twilight: Anyway, I basically refused to believe that Pinkie was old enough to go anywhere near alcohol, let alone a club with a bar. I didn’t want her doing anything illegal, so I made her prove she was of legal drinking age. Among that proof was her birth certificate with her name on it. It turns out that her last birthday - THAT last birthday - was when she became old enough to legally consume alcoholic beverages.
Fallen: So that’s how you saw her birth certificate. That’s it.
Twilight: I know, that’s not an exciting story... but if her story ends the way I think it’s going to, I’m not done in it.
Fallen: O...kay. Pinkie, continue.
Pinkie: Anyway, I was really happy he decided to come with me, since we actually didn’t see each other that often because of... well, the same reason he didn’t wanting me telling other ponies about it. We went, we had a great time, and he got REALLY drunk, and it was kind of funny the way he was stumbling around and singing off-key and-
Rarity: You’re getting off-track, darling.
Pinkie: I’m not, actually. He got wasted enough to start telling me a bunch of his secrets, and one of them was that he was-
Twilight: -that he was two-timing you. With Trixie.
Pinkie: Exactly! And then Trixie herself showed up to take him off my- wait, how did you know?
Twilight: I never suspected it before I realized you were in a committed relationship, but you came back from Fillydelphia more depressed than I’ve ever seen you. The name “Trixie” was one of the only things I could make out between sobs, but I never understood why she was such an issue with you until now. I stayed with you all night trying to console you, and I’m pretty sure I eventually did, but this is my first time hearing about WHY you were so sad.
Pinkie: I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I wasn’t over it enough to go back on his wishes to not tell anypony. I wouldn’t even have said anything now if I wasn’t being MADE to.
Fallen: Oh, so now I’M the bad guy. Thanks.
Pinkie: You’re welcome! Now that storytime’s over, we only have one more story to read, and it’s the longest one of all! It’s time for “A Fun Day!”
Fallen: The Scootabuse story?
Twilight: How many things does the fandom have words for!?
Fallen: Too many. But didn’t Storiesatrandom want to tackle this one?
Pinkie: Maybe, but you know what? The more the merrier!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
A Fun Day
Fallen: For certain values of “fun.”
“So then,” said Twilight Sparkle, looking around the library table, “the vote is unanimous?” Five heads nodded in assent. “Then by the power vested in me by the mostly consensual things Celestia does to me during our study sessions,
Twilight: Why do stories keep assuming I’m romantically involved with Princess Celestia!?
I declare the motion passed!”
“Hear hear!” Apple Jack pounded on the table.
Fallen: Either the author doesn’t know how to spell Applejack’s name, or she turned into a breakfast cereal.
“Now,” Twilight continued, “there is the matter of how we do it. Any suggestions?”
“Uh, hello?” Rainbow Dash waved a pistol in the air.
Dash: Why do I have a gun? What are we even talking about doing?
Fallen: I’d tell you, but...I think this is a surprise you don’t want ruined for you.
Pinkie: Wow, Primey, you really get the point of this whole thing!
Fallen: What can I say? You’re a bad influence.
“I got no problem with that,” said A.J.
“Will…will it be loud? I don’t like loud noises…” Fluttershy muttered almost inaudably.
Fluttershy: Actually... the sound of the gun DID terrify me at first...
“You can always wear earplugs,” Rarity chimed in, “I know I will.”
“But what about my idea?!” Pinkie interjected, bouncing up and down in her seat.
Rarity: I cannot IMAGINE what this idea is.
“Bake her into a cake?” Twilight pondered.
Rarity: Baking ponies into sweets. I am trying my very hardest to contain my surprise.
“Alive!” Pinkie grinned, “why pass up a perfectly good opportunity for torture by ending it so quickly with a gun?!”
Fallen: I don’t know. Why don’t you ask every movie villain ever how well dragging it out works?
“But who would eat that cake? I know for a fact she tastes terrible,” Dash countered.
Dash: Are we talking about Scootaloo? Is the story trying to say that she and I-
AJ: After the last one, ah wouldn’t be surprised.
Snickers.
Twilight: That wasn’t funny. Not even its shock value makes that funny.
“What? So I molested her a little…big deal! I’ve sexually assaulted all of you at least once!”
Dash: Great. As if the list of insults to me wasn’t long enough! I’ve never even THOUGHT of any of you like that, let alone tried to act on it!
“Yes, dear, but we’re grown mares,” Rarity chided her, “raping a little filly is just poor taste.”
Fluttershy: I’m glad the story admits it was wrong, but it should never have happened in the first place!
“Omigosh, so that’s why she was walking funny last week!” Pinkie laughed.
“Yup!” Dash smiled devilishly, “I managed to get a beer bottle up her…”
Fluttershy: ...I think this story is a little... morally compromised.
Pinkie: Wow! Right back into the game! Great job!
Fluttershy: Thank you. Keeping my composure wasn’t easy...
“You guys we’re getting sidetracked!” Twilight sighed in exasperation.
“…then I kicked her real hard in the flank and the bottle broke! You should’ve heard the sound she made, I didn’t even know a pony could…”
Twilight: I want to say this is the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but I can’t even tell anymore.
Fallen: “Pinkie Pie the filly molester.” That is all.
“Dammit Rainbow!” Twilight was getting pissed off. “We don’t care about your pedophilic torture sessions!” Dash stuck her tongue out.
Rarity: The situation should call for much more reprimanding than that!
“Look y’all, I love torture just as much as the next pony, but can we get a move on here?” Apple Jack pleaded.
Fallen: You know...I’ve seen at least one comment on this story saying everypony was in-character. Tell me that sounds like something Applejack would say.
Pinkie: That sounds like someth-
Fallen: And don’t say it because I told you to.
“Every moment I know she’s still alive I die a little inside.
AJ: That’s awful! Scootaloo’s a fine little filly, and ah’m glad Apple Bloom has friends like her!
Then I get drunk and beat Apple Bloom, which always seems like a bright idea at the time, but then the she’s usually in the hospital for a day or two and I have to do all the really crappy chores I always pawn off on her.”
AJ: ..............................................................................................
Fallen: Like a twig. I was afraid that would happen.
“I’m already dead inside,” Fluttershy mumbled.
AJ: AH WOULD NEVER BEAT APPLE BLOOM!!!
Fallen: That’s better.
“We know dear,” Rarity patted her on the head, “that’s why we don’t feel bad when we treat you like the sack of garbage that you are.”
Fluttershy: You... you don’t really think... I’m just a... (sniffle) ...do you?
Twilight: We could never think of you like that, Fluttershy! Wait, what happened to Fallen?
Dash: I dunno, but I’m guessing his heart just got shattered into a million pieces.
“So, any other suggestions besides guns and cake?” Twilight tried to steer the conversation back on course.
Rarity: It was a fruitless effort, and soon they were discussing the burning of the local orphanage.
“Guns are out as far as I’m concerned,” Pinkie crossed her arms, “you can’t torture someone with a gun!”
Fallen: Then my entire existence is meaningless.
Twilight: Are you okay?
Fallen: Always. Just... don’t let her cry again.
“Bullshit!” said Dash. “Have you ever shot someone in the shin with a high-powered revolver? The bone splinters and perforates the skin! It’s epic!”
Fallen: Ah, memories...
Dash: Wait, you’ve actually done that?
Fallen: Hell yeah! My first gun was a Magnum!
“Why don’t we just wing it?” suggested Rarity, “we can each bring our weapon of choice and try all of our ideas…you know, really draw it out and inflict as much pain as possible!”
Fluttershy: I can understand wanting to write a story that deals with somepony dying, but is it too much to ask for them to pass peacefully? Or quickly?
“Now see that sounds like the best course of action to me,” Twilight assented.
“I’m game,” said Rainbow, “but you guys gotta let me finish her, I mean c’mon, you know I deserve it.”
Dash: But... Scootaloo adores me! I could never hate her for that!
“Well, she does bother you the most, I suppose it’s only fair,” Twilight said thoughtfully.
Twilight: What’s fair about ANY of this!?
“Did I tell you guys she actually said ‘I love you’ to me the other day?” Dash spat in disgust, “I mean that alone should give me dibs on the big finish!
Fallen: Alright, let me get something important off my chest. To Kickass222urmom, writer of “Living the Dream:” I apologize if I ever said your portrayal of Rainbow Dash was the worst I’ve ever seen. Because this thing is worse.
Twilight: Okay, what the heck is “Living the Dream” and why do you keep mentioning it?
Fallen: ...it’s hell. That’s all you need to know.
And that’s not even the worst part! While she was in the hospital I thought it would be fun to, like, go through her stuff and maybe pull some really embarrassing things out of her diary, and I found this,” the cyan Pegasus produced a scrap of notebook paper and slammed it on the table.
Pinkie: Wow, Dashie has as much respect for privacy as Rarity!
Rarity: EXCUSE me!?
“Wow,” Twilight mused, “Who knew she could draw so well?”
AJ: Actually, ah’ve seen the little planner she drew for the Crusaders before that talent show. She really ain’t half bad.
On the piece of paper was a full-colored pen and ink drawing of two pegasi, a big blue one with a rainbow mane and a smaller orange one with short, bright purple locks. They were curled up together in a loving embrace, eyes closed in bliss. Framing the two ponies was a stylized red heart, under which was written a single word: Forever.
Rarity: I’m unsure if this is endearing or unsettling.
Fallen: Yes.
There were a few spots at the bottom where the blue lines of the notebook paper were blurred and the ink had run.
Pinkie: Little known fact: the ink actually placed first at the Running of the Leaves just a few years ago!
“Hah!” Rarity chortled after examining the page, “She was crying when she drew it! You all know I’m the romantic here of course, and yet even I feel nauseous!”
Rarity: ...no, still questioning whether I should agree with that sentiment.
“I didn’t even notice that!” Dash shook her head furiously, “Ugh that little cun…”
Pinkie: (loud gasp) DASHIE! You almost said a REALLY bad word!
Dash: Me? But Rarity let one out after-
Rarity: May we continue with the story?
“AH-HEM!” Rarity cleared her throat loudly.
“Whoops,” Rainbow dash said apologetically, “Sorry I forgot that’s your special name for Sweetie Belle.”
Twilight: I’m noticing a theme of Crusader hate here.
Fluttershy: They’re only fillies! How could anypony do any of this to them!?
“Not to worry,” the white unicorn replied, “it’s not as if she’s here, I just don’t want you to get in the habit of calling any filly that. If I want Sweetie Belle to kill herself before she ruins my shop I have to convince her that she’s a special type of worthless.”
Rarity: ..............................................................................................
Fallen: Again? This must be a record.
“How’s that all goin’ by the way?” Apple Jack inquired.
“Quite well,” Rarity beamed, “I just keep blaming her for anything that goes wrong, calling her horrible things, and setting her up for failure in everything I ask her to do and she looks a little more hollow each day.
Rarity: I WOULD NEVER DRIVE SWEETIE BELLE TO SUICIDE!!!
Fallen: Anyone else want to punch sanity in the balls? No? Good.
I even found a razor blade stashed in her journal recently! The only annoying bit is all the late night sobbing fits and the desperate attempts to please me, though some of those I can use to my advantage.”
Fallen: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but... there were people who legitimately defended this story.
Fluttershy: But isn’t this a trollfic?
Fallen: As far as I can tell, probably. Which is why I’m scared that it has defenders.
“How so?” A.J. seemed genuinely interested.
“Oh well, you know, whenever she makes me some drawing or poem, or tries to sing me a song I tell her how awful and talentless she is.
Fluttershy: But she’s a wonderful singer!
It’s not the most effective way to deride her – in fact it backfires sometimes when she takes my criticism to heart and actually tries to do better the next time – but I’m wearing her down. Last time I checked there were definitely some blood stains on that razor blade!”
Rarity: ...I have the overwhelming urge to sprint home and show my love for Sweetie Belle.
Pinkie: Awwww! I’d love to let you, but we still have a story to riff!
“See I’m lookin’ for advice seein’ as Apple Bloom’s startin’ to outlive her usefulness.” The farm pony explained, “she’s still young and she’s got a strong back, but between the beatin’s and the way me an’ Big Mac work her she’ll be crippled before we know it, and I ain’t takin’ care of her when that time comes.
Twilight: I’m still shocked that anypony could have this much hatred towards three children.
When my older sister gave out Ma and Pa just took her out into the woods and shot her. Thank Celestia they died before they ran me into the ground. I’ll do the same to Apple Bloom if I have to, but if I can just get her to off herself it’d be a lot more entertainin’.”
AJ: That idea Rarity had? It’s soundin’ real good right about now.
Pinkie: Awwww! That’s so sweet of both of you!
“Certainly,” Rarity agreed, “but why don’t we chat more about it later, I believe we’ve been dominating the conversation…”
Dash: “First, the conversation... then, THE WORLD!”
“Yeah! This isn’t your freakin’ tea party!” An irritated Rainbow Dash yelled at Apple Jack and Rarity, “we were talking about this,” she waved the drawing about, “and how I’m the one who gets to finish her off.”
Fallen: I know it’s impossibly OOC for them to even WANT to kill Scootaloo, but I’m just trying to figure out what their collective final straw was. Not-Rainbow, I get, but what about not-everyone else?
“If I may,” Twilight raised a hoof as Pinkie opened her mouth to protest, “I do think you’ve got the right; you’ve suffered through more of her obnoxiousness than all of us combined.”
“Damn straight! I wanna see the light fade from her eyes! I want her to know it was me!”
Fallen: “Hello. My name is Rainbow Dash. You annoyed my friends. Prepare to die.”
Dash: ...okay, I’m not even related to Scootaloo, but I’m liking Rarity’s idea too.
Pinkie: Awwww! That gives me a great idea, actually! Just gimme a second...
“But Dashie what about the cake…?” Pinkie looked deflated.
“Um, Pinkie, I think we should give this one to Rainbow Dash, if…if that’s okay with you…” Fluttershy trailed off.
Fluttershy: “She’s been through such a tough time, and I’m sure she’d appreciate the cake more than anypony else would.”
Pinkie: Finished! You guys are gonna FLIP when you see what I’ve just done for you!
“Yup, much as I’d like to pull the coup de grace myself, I think Dashiekins deserves this one,” Apple Jack admitted, “She’s been puttin’ up with that little sack since day one.”
AJ: Ah still can’t believe the story’s makin’ all of us blindly hate- wait, WHAT did ah just call her!?
“Fine, I’ll just bring my cleaver,” Pinkie huffed.
Fallen: ONLY a cleaver?
Pinkie: What would you have brought?
Fallen: Well, nothing, considering what’s going on right now, but if it were somepony I really deemed worthy of death, I’d be packing no less than seven rocket launchers. And a rusty sawblade.
“A.J. don’t call me that in public!”
“Daaaaaashiekins!” Apple Jack leered at her marefriend
Dash: Oh, of course. If it’s not Pinkie Pie, it’s Applejack.
Pinkie: Unless it’s Fluttershy!
Twilight: I’m pretty sure you’ve been shipped with myself or Rarity too.
Fallen: Oh god, they DO ship Rainbow with everything...
“You guys it’s getting late, we don’t have time for another one of your little lover’s spats!” Twilight grumbled. “If we want to get this done today we should get a move on.
Rarity: Why is it so urgent to do it that day? I’m certain Scootaloo will still be there the next day.
“I agree with Twilight,” said Rarity, “why don’t we go assemble our preferred accoutrements and meet in the town square in half an hour. She’s always somewhere around there.”
Fluttershy: What about Scootaloo’s parents? Don’t they care!?
AJ: And ah’m pretty sure murder would get us all arrested. Don’t matter who it is.
The others nodded and began rising from their seats. They filed out the library door and headed toward their respective homes.
-----
Fallen: Scene break. Looks like a good place for a riff break too, since this is a MUCH longer story than any of the others, and I’m NOT doing this all in one sitting.
Pinkie: Sounds like a plan! I had something to show some of you anyway.
Fallen: For certain values of “fun.”
“So then,” said Twilight Sparkle, looking around the library table, “the vote is unanimous?” Five heads nodded in assent. “Then by the power vested in me by the mostly consensual things Celestia does to me during our study sessions,
Twilight: Why do stories keep assuming I’m romantically involved with Princess Celestia!?
I declare the motion passed!”
“Hear hear!” Apple Jack pounded on the table.
Fallen: Either the author doesn’t know how to spell Applejack’s name, or she turned into a breakfast cereal.
“Now,” Twilight continued, “there is the matter of how we do it. Any suggestions?”
“Uh, hello?” Rainbow Dash waved a pistol in the air.
Dash: Why do I have a gun? What are we even talking about doing?
Fallen: I’d tell you, but...I think this is a surprise you don’t want ruined for you.
Pinkie: Wow, Primey, you really get the point of this whole thing!
Fallen: What can I say? You’re a bad influence.
“I got no problem with that,” said A.J.
“Will…will it be loud? I don’t like loud noises…” Fluttershy muttered almost inaudably.
Fluttershy: Actually... the sound of the gun DID terrify me at first...
“You can always wear earplugs,” Rarity chimed in, “I know I will.”
“But what about my idea?!” Pinkie interjected, bouncing up and down in her seat.
Rarity: I cannot IMAGINE what this idea is.
“Bake her into a cake?” Twilight pondered.
Rarity: Baking ponies into sweets. I am trying my very hardest to contain my surprise.
“Alive!” Pinkie grinned, “why pass up a perfectly good opportunity for torture by ending it so quickly with a gun?!”
Fallen: I don’t know. Why don’t you ask every movie villain ever how well dragging it out works?
“But who would eat that cake? I know for a fact she tastes terrible,” Dash countered.
Dash: Are we talking about Scootaloo? Is the story trying to say that she and I-
AJ: After the last one, ah wouldn’t be surprised.
Snickers.
Twilight: That wasn’t funny. Not even its shock value makes that funny.
“What? So I molested her a little…big deal! I’ve sexually assaulted all of you at least once!”
Dash: Great. As if the list of insults to me wasn’t long enough! I’ve never even THOUGHT of any of you like that, let alone tried to act on it!
“Yes, dear, but we’re grown mares,” Rarity chided her, “raping a little filly is just poor taste.”
Fluttershy: I’m glad the story admits it was wrong, but it should never have happened in the first place!
“Omigosh, so that’s why she was walking funny last week!” Pinkie laughed.
“Yup!” Dash smiled devilishly, “I managed to get a beer bottle up her…”
Fluttershy: ...I think this story is a little... morally compromised.
Pinkie: Wow! Right back into the game! Great job!
Fluttershy: Thank you. Keeping my composure wasn’t easy...
“You guys we’re getting sidetracked!” Twilight sighed in exasperation.
“…then I kicked her real hard in the flank and the bottle broke! You should’ve heard the sound she made, I didn’t even know a pony could…”
Twilight: I want to say this is the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but I can’t even tell anymore.
Fallen: “Pinkie Pie the filly molester.” That is all.
“Dammit Rainbow!” Twilight was getting pissed off. “We don’t care about your pedophilic torture sessions!” Dash stuck her tongue out.
Rarity: The situation should call for much more reprimanding than that!
“Look y’all, I love torture just as much as the next pony, but can we get a move on here?” Apple Jack pleaded.
Fallen: You know...I’ve seen at least one comment on this story saying everypony was in-character. Tell me that sounds like something Applejack would say.
Pinkie: That sounds like someth-
Fallen: And don’t say it because I told you to.
“Every moment I know she’s still alive I die a little inside.
AJ: That’s awful! Scootaloo’s a fine little filly, and ah’m glad Apple Bloom has friends like her!
Then I get drunk and beat Apple Bloom, which always seems like a bright idea at the time, but then the she’s usually in the hospital for a day or two and I have to do all the really crappy chores I always pawn off on her.”
AJ: ..............................................................................................
Fallen: Like a twig. I was afraid that would happen.
“I’m already dead inside,” Fluttershy mumbled.
AJ: AH WOULD NEVER BEAT APPLE BLOOM!!!
Fallen: That’s better.
“We know dear,” Rarity patted her on the head, “that’s why we don’t feel bad when we treat you like the sack of garbage that you are.”
Fluttershy: You... you don’t really think... I’m just a... (sniffle) ...do you?
Twilight: We could never think of you like that, Fluttershy! Wait, what happened to Fallen?
Dash: I dunno, but I’m guessing his heart just got shattered into a million pieces.
“So, any other suggestions besides guns and cake?” Twilight tried to steer the conversation back on course.
Rarity: It was a fruitless effort, and soon they were discussing the burning of the local orphanage.
“Guns are out as far as I’m concerned,” Pinkie crossed her arms, “you can’t torture someone with a gun!”
Fallen: Then my entire existence is meaningless.
Twilight: Are you okay?
Fallen: Always. Just... don’t let her cry again.
“Bullshit!” said Dash. “Have you ever shot someone in the shin with a high-powered revolver? The bone splinters and perforates the skin! It’s epic!”
Fallen: Ah, memories...
Dash: Wait, you’ve actually done that?
Fallen: Hell yeah! My first gun was a Magnum!
“Why don’t we just wing it?” suggested Rarity, “we can each bring our weapon of choice and try all of our ideas…you know, really draw it out and inflict as much pain as possible!”
Fluttershy: I can understand wanting to write a story that deals with somepony dying, but is it too much to ask for them to pass peacefully? Or quickly?
“Now see that sounds like the best course of action to me,” Twilight assented.
“I’m game,” said Rainbow, “but you guys gotta let me finish her, I mean c’mon, you know I deserve it.”
Dash: But... Scootaloo adores me! I could never hate her for that!
“Well, she does bother you the most, I suppose it’s only fair,” Twilight said thoughtfully.
Twilight: What’s fair about ANY of this!?
“Did I tell you guys she actually said ‘I love you’ to me the other day?” Dash spat in disgust, “I mean that alone should give me dibs on the big finish!
Fallen: Alright, let me get something important off my chest. To Kickass222urmom, writer of “Living the Dream:” I apologize if I ever said your portrayal of Rainbow Dash was the worst I’ve ever seen. Because this thing is worse.
Twilight: Okay, what the heck is “Living the Dream” and why do you keep mentioning it?
Fallen: ...it’s hell. That’s all you need to know.
And that’s not even the worst part! While she was in the hospital I thought it would be fun to, like, go through her stuff and maybe pull some really embarrassing things out of her diary, and I found this,” the cyan Pegasus produced a scrap of notebook paper and slammed it on the table.
Pinkie: Wow, Dashie has as much respect for privacy as Rarity!
Rarity: EXCUSE me!?
“Wow,” Twilight mused, “Who knew she could draw so well?”
AJ: Actually, ah’ve seen the little planner she drew for the Crusaders before that talent show. She really ain’t half bad.
On the piece of paper was a full-colored pen and ink drawing of two pegasi, a big blue one with a rainbow mane and a smaller orange one with short, bright purple locks. They were curled up together in a loving embrace, eyes closed in bliss. Framing the two ponies was a stylized red heart, under which was written a single word: Forever.
Rarity: I’m unsure if this is endearing or unsettling.
Fallen: Yes.
There were a few spots at the bottom where the blue lines of the notebook paper were blurred and the ink had run.
Pinkie: Little known fact: the ink actually placed first at the Running of the Leaves just a few years ago!
“Hah!” Rarity chortled after examining the page, “She was crying when she drew it! You all know I’m the romantic here of course, and yet even I feel nauseous!”
Rarity: ...no, still questioning whether I should agree with that sentiment.
“I didn’t even notice that!” Dash shook her head furiously, “Ugh that little cun…”
Pinkie: (loud gasp) DASHIE! You almost said a REALLY bad word!
Dash: Me? But Rarity let one out after-
Rarity: May we continue with the story?
“AH-HEM!” Rarity cleared her throat loudly.
“Whoops,” Rainbow dash said apologetically, “Sorry I forgot that’s your special name for Sweetie Belle.”
Twilight: I’m noticing a theme of Crusader hate here.
Fluttershy: They’re only fillies! How could anypony do any of this to them!?
“Not to worry,” the white unicorn replied, “it’s not as if she’s here, I just don’t want you to get in the habit of calling any filly that. If I want Sweetie Belle to kill herself before she ruins my shop I have to convince her that she’s a special type of worthless.”
Rarity: ..............................................................................................
Fallen: Again? This must be a record.
“How’s that all goin’ by the way?” Apple Jack inquired.
“Quite well,” Rarity beamed, “I just keep blaming her for anything that goes wrong, calling her horrible things, and setting her up for failure in everything I ask her to do and she looks a little more hollow each day.
Rarity: I WOULD NEVER DRIVE SWEETIE BELLE TO SUICIDE!!!
Fallen: Anyone else want to punch sanity in the balls? No? Good.
I even found a razor blade stashed in her journal recently! The only annoying bit is all the late night sobbing fits and the desperate attempts to please me, though some of those I can use to my advantage.”
Fallen: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but... there were people who legitimately defended this story.
Fluttershy: But isn’t this a trollfic?
Fallen: As far as I can tell, probably. Which is why I’m scared that it has defenders.
“How so?” A.J. seemed genuinely interested.
“Oh well, you know, whenever she makes me some drawing or poem, or tries to sing me a song I tell her how awful and talentless she is.
Fluttershy: But she’s a wonderful singer!
It’s not the most effective way to deride her – in fact it backfires sometimes when she takes my criticism to heart and actually tries to do better the next time – but I’m wearing her down. Last time I checked there were definitely some blood stains on that razor blade!”
Rarity: ...I have the overwhelming urge to sprint home and show my love for Sweetie Belle.
Pinkie: Awwww! I’d love to let you, but we still have a story to riff!
“See I’m lookin’ for advice seein’ as Apple Bloom’s startin’ to outlive her usefulness.” The farm pony explained, “she’s still young and she’s got a strong back, but between the beatin’s and the way me an’ Big Mac work her she’ll be crippled before we know it, and I ain’t takin’ care of her when that time comes.
Twilight: I’m still shocked that anypony could have this much hatred towards three children.
When my older sister gave out Ma and Pa just took her out into the woods and shot her. Thank Celestia they died before they ran me into the ground. I’ll do the same to Apple Bloom if I have to, but if I can just get her to off herself it’d be a lot more entertainin’.”
AJ: That idea Rarity had? It’s soundin’ real good right about now.
Pinkie: Awwww! That’s so sweet of both of you!
“Certainly,” Rarity agreed, “but why don’t we chat more about it later, I believe we’ve been dominating the conversation…”
Dash: “First, the conversation... then, THE WORLD!”
“Yeah! This isn’t your freakin’ tea party!” An irritated Rainbow Dash yelled at Apple Jack and Rarity, “we were talking about this,” she waved the drawing about, “and how I’m the one who gets to finish her off.”
Fallen: I know it’s impossibly OOC for them to even WANT to kill Scootaloo, but I’m just trying to figure out what their collective final straw was. Not-Rainbow, I get, but what about not-everyone else?
“If I may,” Twilight raised a hoof as Pinkie opened her mouth to protest, “I do think you’ve got the right; you’ve suffered through more of her obnoxiousness than all of us combined.”
“Damn straight! I wanna see the light fade from her eyes! I want her to know it was me!”
Fallen: “Hello. My name is Rainbow Dash. You annoyed my friends. Prepare to die.”
Dash: ...okay, I’m not even related to Scootaloo, but I’m liking Rarity’s idea too.
Pinkie: Awwww! That gives me a great idea, actually! Just gimme a second...
“But Dashie what about the cake…?” Pinkie looked deflated.
“Um, Pinkie, I think we should give this one to Rainbow Dash, if…if that’s okay with you…” Fluttershy trailed off.
Fluttershy: “She’s been through such a tough time, and I’m sure she’d appreciate the cake more than anypony else would.”
Pinkie: Finished! You guys are gonna FLIP when you see what I’ve just done for you!
“Yup, much as I’d like to pull the coup de grace myself, I think Dashiekins deserves this one,” Apple Jack admitted, “She’s been puttin’ up with that little sack since day one.”
AJ: Ah still can’t believe the story’s makin’ all of us blindly hate- wait, WHAT did ah just call her!?
“Fine, I’ll just bring my cleaver,” Pinkie huffed.
Fallen: ONLY a cleaver?
Pinkie: What would you have brought?
Fallen: Well, nothing, considering what’s going on right now, but if it were somepony I really deemed worthy of death, I’d be packing no less than seven rocket launchers. And a rusty sawblade.
“A.J. don’t call me that in public!”
“Daaaaaashiekins!” Apple Jack leered at her marefriend
Dash: Oh, of course. If it’s not Pinkie Pie, it’s Applejack.
Pinkie: Unless it’s Fluttershy!
Twilight: I’m pretty sure you’ve been shipped with myself or Rarity too.
Fallen: Oh god, they DO ship Rainbow with everything...
“You guys it’s getting late, we don’t have time for another one of your little lover’s spats!” Twilight grumbled. “If we want to get this done today we should get a move on.
Rarity: Why is it so urgent to do it that day? I’m certain Scootaloo will still be there the next day.
“I agree with Twilight,” said Rarity, “why don’t we go assemble our preferred accoutrements and meet in the town square in half an hour. She’s always somewhere around there.”
Fluttershy: What about Scootaloo’s parents? Don’t they care!?
AJ: And ah’m pretty sure murder would get us all arrested. Don’t matter who it is.
The others nodded and began rising from their seats. They filed out the library door and headed toward their respective homes.
-----
Fallen: Scene break. Looks like a good place for a riff break too, since this is a MUCH longer story than any of the others, and I’m NOT doing this all in one sitting.
Pinkie: Sounds like a plan! I had something to show some of you anyway.
Rarity: You said you had a surprise for us?
AJ: Better be a good one. My soul just took a good crushin’ from the story.
Pinkie: I’m sure you’ll be super-happy about this! Remember how awful the story was making you treat your sisters?
Rarity: I’ll not soon forget.
Pinkie: Remember how the real you just wanted to cradle them in your arms and love them forever?
AJ: Ah think you’re puttin’ words in our mouths, but yeah.
Pinkie: And Dashie, remember how you did all those things too?
Dash: Pinkie, I was there. It was two seconds ago.
Pinkie: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... I got in touch with all three of them, and they agreed to come cheer you up!
(The doors open, revealing Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo on the other side.)
CMCs: CUTIE MARK CRUSADER COUNSELORS! YAY!!!
Fallen: I’m... not even going to ask how you talked to them and got them here.
Apple Bloom: Pinkie Pie said y’all were havin’ a tough time gettin’ through another one of her stories.
Sweetie Belle: She told us to come quick, since it was somehow related to us, so of course we did!
Scootaloo: I have to know, though... what story could’ve broken Rainbow Dash so badly that she needed me here? Let me see-
(Scootaloo is cut off by a group hug, while AJ and Rarity break off to embrace their respective sisters.)
Scootaloo: Uh... thanks?
AJ: Apple Bloom... ah’d never hit you. Ya know that, right?
AB: Yeah...? Why’d ya even say that? Was it somethin’ in the story?
Rarity: I could never ask for a better sister than you. You’re a fantastic pony, and never let anypony tell you otherwise!
Sweetie: Sure? Who’d say anything bad about me anyway?
Scootaloo: (breaking free of the hug) Okay, that’s enough sap to last me a lifetime. What’s up with this story?
(AB and Sweetie break free as well, and they all charge toward the screen, which is still displaying the story.)
Dash: Oh boy... squirt, you REALLY shouldn’t be looking at that!
Fluttershy: Girls, I think it would be best if you stepped away from the story... um... please?
Twilight: I think we’re too late...
Fallen: What was your first clue? The looks on their faces or the fact that they’re over there in the first place?
Sweetie: This... this is...
Rarity: Oh, Sweetie Belle, I’m so-
Sweetie: This is completely wrong! I know I mess things up more than I help sometimes, and I know Rarity gets mad at me when that happens, but she’d never want to make me do anything like that! This story’s actually kind of silly if you think about it.
Rarity: You... took that alarmingly well.
AB: She’s right! Ah got worried when Applejack mentioned hittin’ me, but all ah thought when ah looked at that was “My big sis wouldn’t do that!” And ah never once doubted it.
AJ: So you’re not scarred by the story?
AB: Of course not! Ah don’t even know how you were!
Sweetie: It’s all just words, and none of it could really happen. Right, Scootaloo?
Scootaloo: (staring silently at the screen in horror)
Dash: Oh no. You alright, kid?
Twilight: It looks like she’s gone further ahead than we did.
Fallen: Oh, that’s the WORST thing for her to do.
Twilight: Why? What happens to her?
Fallen: You won’t want to know until it happens.
Scootaloo: ...Rainbow Dash...?
Dash: What is it?
Scootaloo: You’d never really try to do any of this to me... would you?
Dash: Of course not!
Scootaloo: You promise?
Dash: Pinkie promise. (hugs Scootaloo) I swear on my life, I’d never try to hurt you, Scootaloo. I’d never hurt my number-one fan.
Fallen: This is so backwards. I thought the Crusaders were supposed to be the moral support here. How did we end up needing to comfort Scootaloo?
Pinkie: Well, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom did alright, didn’t they?
Rarity: Yes, I suppose they did. And I owe them my thanks.
AJ: Same here. Ah feel like ah’m ready to take on the rest of the story now!
Scootaloo: So... we’re done here?
Pinkie: Yep! You three are free to go! I’ll have those muffins ready for you once I wrap things up here!
CMCs: Thanks, Pinkie Pie!
(The trio run out the doors, which slam shut and lock again.)
Fallen: Wait. You never closed the doors.
Pinkie: Nope!
Fallen: Any one of us could’ve just walked right out.
Pinkie: But you didn’t! You didn’t even think about it, did you?
All but Pinkie: …
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
AJ: Better be a good one. My soul just took a good crushin’ from the story.
Pinkie: I’m sure you’ll be super-happy about this! Remember how awful the story was making you treat your sisters?
Rarity: I’ll not soon forget.
Pinkie: Remember how the real you just wanted to cradle them in your arms and love them forever?
AJ: Ah think you’re puttin’ words in our mouths, but yeah.
Pinkie: And Dashie, remember how you did all those things too?
Dash: Pinkie, I was there. It was two seconds ago.
Pinkie: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... I got in touch with all three of them, and they agreed to come cheer you up!
(The doors open, revealing Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo on the other side.)
CMCs: CUTIE MARK CRUSADER COUNSELORS! YAY!!!
Fallen: I’m... not even going to ask how you talked to them and got them here.
Apple Bloom: Pinkie Pie said y’all were havin’ a tough time gettin’ through another one of her stories.
Sweetie Belle: She told us to come quick, since it was somehow related to us, so of course we did!
Scootaloo: I have to know, though... what story could’ve broken Rainbow Dash so badly that she needed me here? Let me see-
(Scootaloo is cut off by a group hug, while AJ and Rarity break off to embrace their respective sisters.)
Scootaloo: Uh... thanks?
AJ: Apple Bloom... ah’d never hit you. Ya know that, right?
AB: Yeah...? Why’d ya even say that? Was it somethin’ in the story?
Rarity: I could never ask for a better sister than you. You’re a fantastic pony, and never let anypony tell you otherwise!
Sweetie: Sure? Who’d say anything bad about me anyway?
Scootaloo: (breaking free of the hug) Okay, that’s enough sap to last me a lifetime. What’s up with this story?
(AB and Sweetie break free as well, and they all charge toward the screen, which is still displaying the story.)
Dash: Oh boy... squirt, you REALLY shouldn’t be looking at that!
Fluttershy: Girls, I think it would be best if you stepped away from the story... um... please?
Twilight: I think we’re too late...
Fallen: What was your first clue? The looks on their faces or the fact that they’re over there in the first place?
Sweetie: This... this is...
Rarity: Oh, Sweetie Belle, I’m so-
Sweetie: This is completely wrong! I know I mess things up more than I help sometimes, and I know Rarity gets mad at me when that happens, but she’d never want to make me do anything like that! This story’s actually kind of silly if you think about it.
Rarity: You... took that alarmingly well.
AB: She’s right! Ah got worried when Applejack mentioned hittin’ me, but all ah thought when ah looked at that was “My big sis wouldn’t do that!” And ah never once doubted it.
AJ: So you’re not scarred by the story?
AB: Of course not! Ah don’t even know how you were!
Sweetie: It’s all just words, and none of it could really happen. Right, Scootaloo?
Scootaloo: (staring silently at the screen in horror)
Dash: Oh no. You alright, kid?
Twilight: It looks like she’s gone further ahead than we did.
Fallen: Oh, that’s the WORST thing for her to do.
Twilight: Why? What happens to her?
Fallen: You won’t want to know until it happens.
Scootaloo: ...Rainbow Dash...?
Dash: What is it?
Scootaloo: You’d never really try to do any of this to me... would you?
Dash: Of course not!
Scootaloo: You promise?
Dash: Pinkie promise. (hugs Scootaloo) I swear on my life, I’d never try to hurt you, Scootaloo. I’d never hurt my number-one fan.
Fallen: This is so backwards. I thought the Crusaders were supposed to be the moral support here. How did we end up needing to comfort Scootaloo?
Pinkie: Well, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom did alright, didn’t they?
Rarity: Yes, I suppose they did. And I owe them my thanks.
AJ: Same here. Ah feel like ah’m ready to take on the rest of the story now!
Scootaloo: So... we’re done here?
Pinkie: Yep! You three are free to go! I’ll have those muffins ready for you once I wrap things up here!
CMCs: Thanks, Pinkie Pie!
(The trio run out the doors, which slam shut and lock again.)
Fallen: Wait. You never closed the doors.
Pinkie: Nope!
Fallen: Any one of us could’ve just walked right out.
Pinkie: But you didn’t! You didn’t even think about it, did you?
All but Pinkie: …
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
“Woohooooo!” Scootaloo let out a delighted squeal as she flew through the air on her scooter. Someone had left a wooden plank propped up against an old rain barrel and it had made for a perfect jump.
Fallen: Don’t get too comfortable, guys. This is probably the only scene where we get to see anypony acting canon.
Pinkie: Isn’t Scootaloo fine for most of the story? I think that’s exactly how she’d react if she got her-
Fallen: But not ONE other character acts like themselves, so this is the only time ALL PRESENT are written anywhere close to right.
She felt so alive,
Fallen: That’s not gonna last.
the wind in her mane, her little wings buzzing as fast as they could. She landed quite gracefully and slid to a halt, looking around for something else to test her mettle. Suddenly she heard a familiar voice.
Twilight: “Scootaloo, why weren’t you in class today?”
“Hey Scootaloo! Scootaloooo!” It was Rainbow Dash! She was about to speed off in the direction of her idol’s call when she remembered their last encounter. It had taken the doctors a whole day to pull all the glass out of her plot.
Fallen: This is OFFICIALLY worse than LTD!Dash.
She thanked Celestia she had her scooter; she still couldn’t walk right. Yet the little filly’s tragic innocence would not allow her to blame her mentor. She must’ve had a good reason, the orange Pegasus thought, and at least we got to spend some time together!
Dash: There’s no way she’s THAT devoted to me!
AJ: Well... ah CAN almost see it happenin’. But not with broken glass stuck up her rear end!
Pinkie: Stop getting distracted! The pain train’s coming in soon!
AJ: ...the what?
“Scoot, get over here!” Rainbow Dash beckoned. Unable to resist, the filly raced off to meet her.
Rarity: Off won.
-----
“Hi Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo shouted excitedly, ditching her scooter and galloping up to hug the cyan mare.
Fluttershy: I thought she couldn’t walk comfortably.
Dash held out a hoof and stopped her. “What’s wrong?” the tiny Pegasus asked, a hint of worry creasing her brow. Suddenly she realized all of Rainbow’s friends were there too. “Hey guys, what’s up? Is there a party?”
Fallen: If I make a joke about the location of the party, I’m going straight to hell.
“Yup!” Pinkie pie confirmed.
“Well where at? Let’s go!” she buzzed her little wings eagerly.
“The party’s right here, sugar cube.” A.J. replied cryptically.
Pinkie: (gasp) AN INVISIBLE PARTY! I need to plan one RIGHT NOW!
“I’ll keep this short, we need to get down to business,” Dash cleared her throat, “Scoot, we’ve had enough. We all hate your guts, especially me.”
Twilight: Would it have killed her to sugarcoat it somewhat?
The little pony’s lavender eyes flitted around looking at Dash and her friends in confusion.
“Is this another prank Rainbow Dash?” she asked, her voice quavering.
Dash: Oh, that just gave a REALLY evil prank idea...
Fluttershy: You wouldn’t!
Dash: ...yeah, you’re right, I wouldn’t.
“Nope, we really just hate the living fuck out of you,” Dash grinned. Scootaloo’s ears went flat and she stepped back instinctively, her eyes tearing up.
Dash: See? That. That’s why it wouldn’t work. It’s not a good prank if the victim can’t laugh with you.
“You…you don’t mean that…r-right?”
“Are you stupid? I just said it twice!” Dash was getting progressively more irritated. “Anyway, we don’t want you around anymore.”
Twilight: Okay, now that’s bugging me. What did Scootaloo ever do to us as a whole?
“How…how can you say that Rainbow Dash?” the filly sat down and hung her head, her lip quivering, teardrops patting against the dirt. “Do you all hate me?” she asked looking up hopefully at the other ponies.
Fallen: Survey says...
“Eeyup!”
“Quite.”
“Uh-huh Uh-huh!”
“I’m afraid so”
“Um…yes…we do”
Dash: I CAN’T be the only one who thinks they sound too cheerful about this.
Twilight: You’re not.
There was a long pause and then the little Pegasus spoke, doing her best to hide the sobs that wracked her body.
Pinkie: “Don’t worry, sobs. The cops will never find you!”
“W-well…fine then…I’ll just…I’ll just…g-g-go away…” At that she broke down, weeping uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face like waterfalls,
Rarity: THAT much crying can’t be healthy.
staining her fur. Suddenly something connected with her muzzle and she went tumbing backwards, head over heels. When she righted herself, Dash was standing over her.
Dash: Did... did I just-
Fallen: Yes, and it’s only gonna get worse from here, so I’d save my shock if I were you.
“You…you hurt me! Why Rainbow? Wh-why?” Another fit of sobs was coming on, but Dash clamped her hoof over Scootaloo’s mouth, smiling as blood trickled out of her nose.
AJ: Beatin’ a filly is still morally better than molestin’ twin foals.
Fluttershy: Why would you even make that comparison!?
AJ: Tell me ah’m wrong.
Fluttershy: ...
“If you cry more I’ll do it again.”
“But-but…I love you Rainbow Dash…wh…what have I ever done to you?”
Twilight: Nothing! And that’s the whole problem with this story!
Fallen: Trust me, that’s not even CLOSE to the whole problem.
“Are you serious?!” Dash put a dopey look on her face and launched into her best Scootaloo impression,
Pinkie: which involved taking my Nightmare Night costume!
“teach me to fly! Teach me to fly! As if you ever could!
Fallen: Actually, I’ve heard rumors that there’s gonna be an episode in season three that deals with-
Pinkie: PRIMEY! No spoilers!
Come watch my stupid scooter tricks! Wake up from your nap and hang out with me! Help me get my cutie mark! And then this!” Dash shoved Scootaloo’s drawing in the little filly’s face.
Twilight: What’s wrong with her doing any of that? Rainbow Dash is one of the most capable fliers in Equestria, and Scootaloo just likes to spend time with her!
Rarity: Need I remind you of the content of her drawing?
Twilight: That’s still no excuse for this!
Her eyes widened as her pain was compounded with total mortification. Dash crumpled the paper and then stomped it into the dirt. The orange Pegasus wilted like a dying flower, releasing a fresh downpour of tears. “Honestly, do you not understand how intolerable you are?”
Dash: “Because WE clearly don’t!”
“I…I’m so sorr…”
AJ: You’re makin’ her say sorry for bein’ alive!?
“Nope, sorry don’t cut it.”
“F…fine…I’ll go away and you’ll never see me again!” Scootaloo’s sudden anger did little to mask the heartbreak in her voice.
Fluttershy: Did the author ENJOY writing these scenes?
“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere.” Dash cracked her trademark smirk.
Fallen: And no amount of super glue or duct tape would fix it.
Slowly a look of terror cut through the pain in the little filly’s eyes as Rainbow Dash and the other ponies leered and grinned at her. She turned tail and began to run, but was immediately enveloped by a purple glow. Twilight Sparkle suspended her in the air. She kicked and squirmed and flapped her wings, but soon realized she really was going nowhere.
Twilight: I can’t believe the story’s making me join in on this...
Fallen: But you can’t be surprised, can you?
Twilight: ...no, I guess not.
“Oh no ya don’t,” Twilight laughed. She lifted Scootaloo up in the air about twenty feet and dropped her. Her useless wings buzzed as she fell and hit the ground like a brick. There was an audible snap as something broke.
Pinkie: Looks like we need to replace all those crates!
“That should disorient her for a moment,” Twilight said, “now let’s get started.” It was quickly apparent that she’d underestimated the filly.
Dash: She kicked her butt in ten seconds flat.
Scootaloo was back on her feet in an instant, rushing towards her scooter, hoping to make an escape. Twilight once again magicked her to a halt, floating the little Pegasus, as well as her prized possession, back over to the group.
AJ: Should get about eight bucks for it at the yard sale. Put a sticker on it.
“Well,” said the purple mare, “you won’t be needing this anymore.” She lifted the scooter with her magical aura and then sent it slamming into the earth. The handlebars and steering shaft snapped, and the wheels came off, one of them rolling a few feet before coming to rest in the dirt.
Fallen: Again. Salt meets wound.
Scootaloo watched in disbelief, her weeping shaking her entire body, forcing out soft little whines as she floated helplessly in Twilight’s grip.
Twilight: Am... am I done here?
Pinkie: Basically! Well, sorta.
“Enough dicking around!” Pinkie declared.
Pinkie: HEY! Another story-me said another swear!
She bounced up and grabbed the little pony out of the air and threw her to the ground. She brought her hoof down hard on Scootaloo’s back, twisting it into her spine. There was a ragged wheeze as all the air was crushed out of her lungs.
Rarity: The obvious joke here would be about taking her breath away, but it would be in poor taste.
Pinkie kicked her in the flank, flipping her over, then held her in place with a hoof on her ribcage. Grinning ear to ear, the pink mare produced her favorite meat cleaver,
Fluttershy: You have enough meat cleavers to have a favorite?
Pinkie: Of course not! What would I do with a meat cleaver?
and unceremoniously began hacking at one of the filly’s back legs. An earsplitting squeal echoed throughout Ponyville square as the bone shattered and the leg was severed.
Fluttershy: I... can’t even joke about that...
Fallen: Dammit, story! Stop breaking Fluttershy!
Several passers by looked over in concern, but upon realizing it was just Scootaloo they laughed and continued upon their way.
Dash: Ponyville is SUCH a caring community.
“Dammit Pinkie, now she’s gonna bleed out,” Dash yelled in frustration.
Fallen: You WOULD only be pissed off.
“Don’t worry,” Twilight piped up, “I’ve been practicing a fire spell, I can cauterize it!”
Twilight: I thought you said I was done hurting her!
Pinkie: I said “sorta!”
She lowered her horn. The stump that had been Scootaloo’s left hind leg began to glow red. Another throat-ripping screech escaped from the orange Pegasus, spittle and blood spraying from her mouth as the force of the scream tore at her vocal cords.
Fluttershy: I don’t think that’s possible...
“Ugh, it smells awful” Rarity commented as the glow died and the smell of charred flesh and fur filled the air. Scootaloo spasmed in pain, wetting herself and voiding her bowels.
AJ: Okay, this really ain’t much better than molestin’ foals.
Rarity: I’m still appalled that you ever attempted the comparison.
Fallen: And if you bring in the psychological trauma, that may STILL be worse.
AJ: Ah dunno. These are ponies that Scootaloo thought she could look up to mutilatin’ her.
Fallen: ...I think I’ve found my NEW new badfic standard.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy, “now it smells worse!”
Dash: Why do we need to know how it smells?
Fallen: Because of stupid.
Scootaloo wept even harder as her agony was coupled with this new humiliation. All composure was lost; she curled up like a trembling little foal,
Dash: She kind of is.
Twilight: Shh!
hiding her big glossy eyes behind her tiny hooves, squeezing out fresh tears as she shut them tight as could be. She wrapped her tail around her quivering body, burying her face in the long purple locks,
Rarity: Her mane is never that long.
her cries soft and sorrowful.
“That’s disgusting!”
Fallen: Crying is like the plague to these sickos.
Dash raged, kicking the filly in the head a couple of times, splitting her cheek open, “if you do that again I’ll break another beer bottle in your ass!”
Twilight: That’s disproportionate retribution!
Fallen: What ISN’T in this story?
Scootaloo moaned in anguish. “Please stop! PLEASE!,” she begged, her words punctuated by heavy sobs, “It h-hurts so much! I’m s-sorry whatever I did PLEASE PLEASE S-STOP!”
Pinkie: “LOLNOPE!”
“Ugh, her voice is so obnoxious,” Rarity huffed, “allow me to remedy the problem.” She reached into her saddle bag and produced two items: a spool of thick thread, and a needle only slightly smaller than an ice pick.
Rarity: That’s... quite a large needle.
As pinkie held Scootaloo down, Rarity went to work sewing her mouth shut. The little pony started quivering and sweating as shock began to set in. By the time the white unicorn had finished her work she was unconscious.
Dash: What, she can’t take a few stitches?
A moment later came a muffled scream as Pinkie jammed an adrenaline shot through the filly’s chest and straight into her heart. There was much thrashing and many guttural noises but the stitches held and her lips remained shut.
Fallen: She has no mouth and she must scream.
“Much better!” Rarity smiled.
Fluttershy: Her voice is still producing the noises, so...
Fallen: I’ve noticed that you’ve all slowly begun to stop being visibly disgusted. I’ve never been prouder...
“Ooh ooh! Can I take them now?” Pinkie begged.
AJ: Whatever you’re takin’, ask her permission first.
“Go ahead Pinks, I’ll hold her down,” Dash encouraged her.
This time the party pony produced a skinning knife and knelt down next to Scootaloo’s flank.
Twilight: What’s even there to carve up?
Her cutie mark, a little scooter with tiny wings attached, was barely a week old, still glistening with residual magic.
Twilight: This... this is beyond sick.
Fallen: Do I NEED to bring in the salt metaphor again?
She had been so proud when it appeared, and the mares were sick to death of hearing about it.
Dash: Why shouldn’t she be proud of getting her cutie mark!?
Pinkie began carefully cutting under the epidermis.
Fallen: Don’t start pretending you know anatomy. You just claimed someone could scream hard enough to rupture their own vocal chords.
A new wave of tears poured from the mutilated filly’s eyes as she watched Pinkie rob her of her precious marks, first from one flank, then the other.
Rarity: I feel simply awful for Scootaloo. But the story seems to want me to sympathize with her assailants.
The pink pony made sure not to completely separate the skin from the underlying tissue, delighting in the wet ripping sounds as she tore the flaps of flesh off like band-aids.
AJ: Peelin’ those off ain’t easy. And it kinda hurts when it’s tuggin’ at the hairs of yer coat.
Scootaloo seized, foam and blood escaping from her nostrils and the spaces between the stitches in her lips.
Fallen: ...I’m going to be sensitive to Fluttershy’s feelings and not make a rabies joke.
Pinkie also took the opportunity to hack off the filly’s other back leg, severing the femoral artery first and letting the warm blood spray all over her.
Pinkie: These stories really like blood showers!
“Oh Pinkie dear! You are certainly going to need a bath after this!” Rarity said in disgust.
“Aww lighten up Rarity, it’s not gonna kill me!” The others laughed.
Pinkie: Always good to keep your sense of humor when killing fillies!
Rarity: ...I’m quite scared of you right now.
“Oops, better burn this one before she croaks!” Twilight performed her fire spell once again, searing the stump. The bleeding stopped but Scootaloo went limp.
Fluttershy: So... it’s over?
Fallen: You wish.
“Shucks, don’t tell me she’s dead already!” Apple Jack kicked the seemingly lifeless body.
Twilight: I never understood why anypony would kick a dead body. Is it just to make sure they’re actually dead, or is it an act of spite?
Fallen: My guess? Either the first or both.
“I’ll fix it!” Said Pinkie, who, in true Pinkie fashion, had somehow found the time to make a pair of earrings out of the two cutie marks. They now dangled on either side of her head, flopping about as she bounced.
Pinkie: Eh. I’ve seen better flesh accessories.
Two more adrenaline shots caused the little filly to explode back into consciousness. Once again they had misjudged her incredible will to survive.
Dash: How wrong would it be to say I’m really proud of her right now?
Twilight: She’d probably love to hear that. Maybe. In another context entirely.
In desperation she flipped over onto her stomach and began using her remaining legs to drag herself away, leaving a snail-trail of smeared blood and bodily fluids as she inched along, grunting and moaning in pained determination. The six mares laughed hysterically at this futile effort.
Fluttershy: This is funny to them!?
Apple Jack trotted over to the mangled Pegasus and began stomping on one foreleg, then the other, her immense strength shattering the bones inside and forcing splinters through the skin.
AJ: ...ah almost wanna test that.
Fluttershy: APPLEJACK!
Scootaloo let out a mournful wail so forceful her stitched up lips tore apart, splattering A.J. with small droplets of blood.
Twilight: Just how strong are her jaws?
“Consarnit!” The farm pony exclaimed, “you’ve gone and stained my coat! Blood’s mighty hard to get out, don’t you know that you little varmint?”
Fallen: PRIORITIES!
Rarity: Finally, someone else who understands!
Fallen: ...wait, what?
She kicked Scootaloo in the neck, causing her to choke and vomit.
Dash: After what all the other hits did to her? How does she still have a throat?
“Please p-please just let me go,” she wept, her voice ragged, a soup of drool and stomach acid spilling from her ruined lips “I know it’s all m-my fault…I promise I’ll g-go away! Forever!”
Fallen: Yeah, that’s what they’re making her do. (curb-stomped by everypony else)
Fluttershy had brought a small shovel and was busy cleaning up all the blood and excrement the traumatized filly had left in her wake.
Fluttershy: Well... as awful as it is that this is happening, at least somepony’s trying to clean up.
AJ: Hey, what’d they do with the cut-off legs, anyway?
She scooped up the vomit as well and held the dusty, noxious mixture up to Scootaloo’s mouth. “Time for you eat!” the yellow mare said cheerfully as if she were talking to one of her animals.
Pinkie: The most important meal of the day!
Fallen: How are YOU getting half the line-crossers?
Scootaloo retched and turned her head. Fluttershy grabbed one of her velvety soft little ears, twisting and tearing the sensitive cartilage. When Scootaloo opened her mouth to cry out Fluttershy jammed the shovel down her throat, but she refused to swallow.
Fallen: Of course she did! Who’d want to eat shit?
AJ: ...ah just got reminded AGAIN of the baby Cake story when ya said that. This shouldn’t be remindin’ me of that so often.
“Now now, don’t be difficult,” the older Pegasus cooed tenderly. She pushed the shovel in as hard as she could, using her other hoof to pinch the struggling filly’s nose shut.
Fallen: I can’t imagine that’s easy with hooves.
Dash: Not really, no.
Unable to breath, she was eventually forced to swallow, but she immediately threw up again. Fluttershy clamped her mangled mouth closed. Her eyes rolled back and tremors wracked her body as the vomit forced its way out her nostrils, the acid searing her mucous membranes.
Pinkie: That must feel worse than milk coming out your nose when you laugh too hard!
Fallen: Or SODA coming out your nose when you laugh too hard.
The second Fluttershy released her she puked again. Frustrated, the yellow Pegasus kicked her in the face, the tip of her hoof smashing into the little one’s eye.
Fluttershy: EEP!
Scootaloo let out an other-worldly yowl as her eyeball was crushed, blood and vitreous fluid squirting out of the socket.
Fluttershy: EEP!
Fallen: Two in a row? Wow, that’s a new one.
Fluttershy added these new liquids to her blend and once again forced it down the filly’s throat. She heaved violently and spewed again. Fluttershy repeated the process until Scootaloo’s stomach muscles grew too weak to expel the wretched mixture.
-----
Dash: OVERKILL.
Fluttershy: We need to stop...
Fallen: I second that motion. Come on, I think we all deserve a break.
Fallen: Don’t get too comfortable, guys. This is probably the only scene where we get to see anypony acting canon.
Pinkie: Isn’t Scootaloo fine for most of the story? I think that’s exactly how she’d react if she got her-
Fallen: But not ONE other character acts like themselves, so this is the only time ALL PRESENT are written anywhere close to right.
She felt so alive,
Fallen: That’s not gonna last.
the wind in her mane, her little wings buzzing as fast as they could. She landed quite gracefully and slid to a halt, looking around for something else to test her mettle. Suddenly she heard a familiar voice.
Twilight: “Scootaloo, why weren’t you in class today?”
“Hey Scootaloo! Scootaloooo!” It was Rainbow Dash! She was about to speed off in the direction of her idol’s call when she remembered their last encounter. It had taken the doctors a whole day to pull all the glass out of her plot.
Fallen: This is OFFICIALLY worse than LTD!Dash.
She thanked Celestia she had her scooter; she still couldn’t walk right. Yet the little filly’s tragic innocence would not allow her to blame her mentor. She must’ve had a good reason, the orange Pegasus thought, and at least we got to spend some time together!
Dash: There’s no way she’s THAT devoted to me!
AJ: Well... ah CAN almost see it happenin’. But not with broken glass stuck up her rear end!
Pinkie: Stop getting distracted! The pain train’s coming in soon!
AJ: ...the what?
“Scoot, get over here!” Rainbow Dash beckoned. Unable to resist, the filly raced off to meet her.
Rarity: Off won.
-----
“Hi Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo shouted excitedly, ditching her scooter and galloping up to hug the cyan mare.
Fluttershy: I thought she couldn’t walk comfortably.
Dash held out a hoof and stopped her. “What’s wrong?” the tiny Pegasus asked, a hint of worry creasing her brow. Suddenly she realized all of Rainbow’s friends were there too. “Hey guys, what’s up? Is there a party?”
Fallen: If I make a joke about the location of the party, I’m going straight to hell.
“Yup!” Pinkie pie confirmed.
“Well where at? Let’s go!” she buzzed her little wings eagerly.
“The party’s right here, sugar cube.” A.J. replied cryptically.
Pinkie: (gasp) AN INVISIBLE PARTY! I need to plan one RIGHT NOW!
“I’ll keep this short, we need to get down to business,” Dash cleared her throat, “Scoot, we’ve had enough. We all hate your guts, especially me.”
Twilight: Would it have killed her to sugarcoat it somewhat?
The little pony’s lavender eyes flitted around looking at Dash and her friends in confusion.
“Is this another prank Rainbow Dash?” she asked, her voice quavering.
Dash: Oh, that just gave a REALLY evil prank idea...
Fluttershy: You wouldn’t!
Dash: ...yeah, you’re right, I wouldn’t.
“Nope, we really just hate the living fuck out of you,” Dash grinned. Scootaloo’s ears went flat and she stepped back instinctively, her eyes tearing up.
Dash: See? That. That’s why it wouldn’t work. It’s not a good prank if the victim can’t laugh with you.
“You…you don’t mean that…r-right?”
“Are you stupid? I just said it twice!” Dash was getting progressively more irritated. “Anyway, we don’t want you around anymore.”
Twilight: Okay, now that’s bugging me. What did Scootaloo ever do to us as a whole?
“How…how can you say that Rainbow Dash?” the filly sat down and hung her head, her lip quivering, teardrops patting against the dirt. “Do you all hate me?” she asked looking up hopefully at the other ponies.
Fallen: Survey says...
“Eeyup!”
“Quite.”
“Uh-huh Uh-huh!”
“I’m afraid so”
“Um…yes…we do”
Dash: I CAN’T be the only one who thinks they sound too cheerful about this.
Twilight: You’re not.
There was a long pause and then the little Pegasus spoke, doing her best to hide the sobs that wracked her body.
Pinkie: “Don’t worry, sobs. The cops will never find you!”
“W-well…fine then…I’ll just…I’ll just…g-g-go away…” At that she broke down, weeping uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face like waterfalls,
Rarity: THAT much crying can’t be healthy.
staining her fur. Suddenly something connected with her muzzle and she went tumbing backwards, head over heels. When she righted herself, Dash was standing over her.
Dash: Did... did I just-
Fallen: Yes, and it’s only gonna get worse from here, so I’d save my shock if I were you.
“You…you hurt me! Why Rainbow? Wh-why?” Another fit of sobs was coming on, but Dash clamped her hoof over Scootaloo’s mouth, smiling as blood trickled out of her nose.
AJ: Beatin’ a filly is still morally better than molestin’ twin foals.
Fluttershy: Why would you even make that comparison!?
AJ: Tell me ah’m wrong.
Fluttershy: ...
“If you cry more I’ll do it again.”
“But-but…I love you Rainbow Dash…wh…what have I ever done to you?”
Twilight: Nothing! And that’s the whole problem with this story!
Fallen: Trust me, that’s not even CLOSE to the whole problem.
“Are you serious?!” Dash put a dopey look on her face and launched into her best Scootaloo impression,
Pinkie: which involved taking my Nightmare Night costume!
“teach me to fly! Teach me to fly! As if you ever could!
Fallen: Actually, I’ve heard rumors that there’s gonna be an episode in season three that deals with-
Pinkie: PRIMEY! No spoilers!
Come watch my stupid scooter tricks! Wake up from your nap and hang out with me! Help me get my cutie mark! And then this!” Dash shoved Scootaloo’s drawing in the little filly’s face.
Twilight: What’s wrong with her doing any of that? Rainbow Dash is one of the most capable fliers in Equestria, and Scootaloo just likes to spend time with her!
Rarity: Need I remind you of the content of her drawing?
Twilight: That’s still no excuse for this!
Her eyes widened as her pain was compounded with total mortification. Dash crumpled the paper and then stomped it into the dirt. The orange Pegasus wilted like a dying flower, releasing a fresh downpour of tears. “Honestly, do you not understand how intolerable you are?”
Dash: “Because WE clearly don’t!”
“I…I’m so sorr…”
AJ: You’re makin’ her say sorry for bein’ alive!?
“Nope, sorry don’t cut it.”
“F…fine…I’ll go away and you’ll never see me again!” Scootaloo’s sudden anger did little to mask the heartbreak in her voice.
Fluttershy: Did the author ENJOY writing these scenes?
“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere.” Dash cracked her trademark smirk.
Fallen: And no amount of super glue or duct tape would fix it.
Slowly a look of terror cut through the pain in the little filly’s eyes as Rainbow Dash and the other ponies leered and grinned at her. She turned tail and began to run, but was immediately enveloped by a purple glow. Twilight Sparkle suspended her in the air. She kicked and squirmed and flapped her wings, but soon realized she really was going nowhere.
Twilight: I can’t believe the story’s making me join in on this...
Fallen: But you can’t be surprised, can you?
Twilight: ...no, I guess not.
“Oh no ya don’t,” Twilight laughed. She lifted Scootaloo up in the air about twenty feet and dropped her. Her useless wings buzzed as she fell and hit the ground like a brick. There was an audible snap as something broke.
Pinkie: Looks like we need to replace all those crates!
“That should disorient her for a moment,” Twilight said, “now let’s get started.” It was quickly apparent that she’d underestimated the filly.
Dash: She kicked her butt in ten seconds flat.
Scootaloo was back on her feet in an instant, rushing towards her scooter, hoping to make an escape. Twilight once again magicked her to a halt, floating the little Pegasus, as well as her prized possession, back over to the group.
AJ: Should get about eight bucks for it at the yard sale. Put a sticker on it.
“Well,” said the purple mare, “you won’t be needing this anymore.” She lifted the scooter with her magical aura and then sent it slamming into the earth. The handlebars and steering shaft snapped, and the wheels came off, one of them rolling a few feet before coming to rest in the dirt.
Fallen: Again. Salt meets wound.
Scootaloo watched in disbelief, her weeping shaking her entire body, forcing out soft little whines as she floated helplessly in Twilight’s grip.
Twilight: Am... am I done here?
Pinkie: Basically! Well, sorta.
“Enough dicking around!” Pinkie declared.
Pinkie: HEY! Another story-me said another swear!
She bounced up and grabbed the little pony out of the air and threw her to the ground. She brought her hoof down hard on Scootaloo’s back, twisting it into her spine. There was a ragged wheeze as all the air was crushed out of her lungs.
Rarity: The obvious joke here would be about taking her breath away, but it would be in poor taste.
Pinkie kicked her in the flank, flipping her over, then held her in place with a hoof on her ribcage. Grinning ear to ear, the pink mare produced her favorite meat cleaver,
Fluttershy: You have enough meat cleavers to have a favorite?
Pinkie: Of course not! What would I do with a meat cleaver?
and unceremoniously began hacking at one of the filly’s back legs. An earsplitting squeal echoed throughout Ponyville square as the bone shattered and the leg was severed.
Fluttershy: I... can’t even joke about that...
Fallen: Dammit, story! Stop breaking Fluttershy!
Several passers by looked over in concern, but upon realizing it was just Scootaloo they laughed and continued upon their way.
Dash: Ponyville is SUCH a caring community.
“Dammit Pinkie, now she’s gonna bleed out,” Dash yelled in frustration.
Fallen: You WOULD only be pissed off.
“Don’t worry,” Twilight piped up, “I’ve been practicing a fire spell, I can cauterize it!”
Twilight: I thought you said I was done hurting her!
Pinkie: I said “sorta!”
She lowered her horn. The stump that had been Scootaloo’s left hind leg began to glow red. Another throat-ripping screech escaped from the orange Pegasus, spittle and blood spraying from her mouth as the force of the scream tore at her vocal cords.
Fluttershy: I don’t think that’s possible...
“Ugh, it smells awful” Rarity commented as the glow died and the smell of charred flesh and fur filled the air. Scootaloo spasmed in pain, wetting herself and voiding her bowels.
AJ: Okay, this really ain’t much better than molestin’ foals.
Rarity: I’m still appalled that you ever attempted the comparison.
Fallen: And if you bring in the psychological trauma, that may STILL be worse.
AJ: Ah dunno. These are ponies that Scootaloo thought she could look up to mutilatin’ her.
Fallen: ...I think I’ve found my NEW new badfic standard.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy, “now it smells worse!”
Dash: Why do we need to know how it smells?
Fallen: Because of stupid.
Scootaloo wept even harder as her agony was coupled with this new humiliation. All composure was lost; she curled up like a trembling little foal,
Dash: She kind of is.
Twilight: Shh!
hiding her big glossy eyes behind her tiny hooves, squeezing out fresh tears as she shut them tight as could be. She wrapped her tail around her quivering body, burying her face in the long purple locks,
Rarity: Her mane is never that long.
her cries soft and sorrowful.
“That’s disgusting!”
Fallen: Crying is like the plague to these sickos.
Dash raged, kicking the filly in the head a couple of times, splitting her cheek open, “if you do that again I’ll break another beer bottle in your ass!”
Twilight: That’s disproportionate retribution!
Fallen: What ISN’T in this story?
Scootaloo moaned in anguish. “Please stop! PLEASE!,” she begged, her words punctuated by heavy sobs, “It h-hurts so much! I’m s-sorry whatever I did PLEASE PLEASE S-STOP!”
Pinkie: “LOLNOPE!”
“Ugh, her voice is so obnoxious,” Rarity huffed, “allow me to remedy the problem.” She reached into her saddle bag and produced two items: a spool of thick thread, and a needle only slightly smaller than an ice pick.
Rarity: That’s... quite a large needle.
As pinkie held Scootaloo down, Rarity went to work sewing her mouth shut. The little pony started quivering and sweating as shock began to set in. By the time the white unicorn had finished her work she was unconscious.
Dash: What, she can’t take a few stitches?
A moment later came a muffled scream as Pinkie jammed an adrenaline shot through the filly’s chest and straight into her heart. There was much thrashing and many guttural noises but the stitches held and her lips remained shut.
Fallen: She has no mouth and she must scream.
“Much better!” Rarity smiled.
Fluttershy: Her voice is still producing the noises, so...
Fallen: I’ve noticed that you’ve all slowly begun to stop being visibly disgusted. I’ve never been prouder...
“Ooh ooh! Can I take them now?” Pinkie begged.
AJ: Whatever you’re takin’, ask her permission first.
“Go ahead Pinks, I’ll hold her down,” Dash encouraged her.
This time the party pony produced a skinning knife and knelt down next to Scootaloo’s flank.
Twilight: What’s even there to carve up?
Her cutie mark, a little scooter with tiny wings attached, was barely a week old, still glistening with residual magic.
Twilight: This... this is beyond sick.
Fallen: Do I NEED to bring in the salt metaphor again?
She had been so proud when it appeared, and the mares were sick to death of hearing about it.
Dash: Why shouldn’t she be proud of getting her cutie mark!?
Pinkie began carefully cutting under the epidermis.
Fallen: Don’t start pretending you know anatomy. You just claimed someone could scream hard enough to rupture their own vocal chords.
A new wave of tears poured from the mutilated filly’s eyes as she watched Pinkie rob her of her precious marks, first from one flank, then the other.
Rarity: I feel simply awful for Scootaloo. But the story seems to want me to sympathize with her assailants.
The pink pony made sure not to completely separate the skin from the underlying tissue, delighting in the wet ripping sounds as she tore the flaps of flesh off like band-aids.
AJ: Peelin’ those off ain’t easy. And it kinda hurts when it’s tuggin’ at the hairs of yer coat.
Scootaloo seized, foam and blood escaping from her nostrils and the spaces between the stitches in her lips.
Fallen: ...I’m going to be sensitive to Fluttershy’s feelings and not make a rabies joke.
Pinkie also took the opportunity to hack off the filly’s other back leg, severing the femoral artery first and letting the warm blood spray all over her.
Pinkie: These stories really like blood showers!
“Oh Pinkie dear! You are certainly going to need a bath after this!” Rarity said in disgust.
“Aww lighten up Rarity, it’s not gonna kill me!” The others laughed.
Pinkie: Always good to keep your sense of humor when killing fillies!
Rarity: ...I’m quite scared of you right now.
“Oops, better burn this one before she croaks!” Twilight performed her fire spell once again, searing the stump. The bleeding stopped but Scootaloo went limp.
Fluttershy: So... it’s over?
Fallen: You wish.
“Shucks, don’t tell me she’s dead already!” Apple Jack kicked the seemingly lifeless body.
Twilight: I never understood why anypony would kick a dead body. Is it just to make sure they’re actually dead, or is it an act of spite?
Fallen: My guess? Either the first or both.
“I’ll fix it!” Said Pinkie, who, in true Pinkie fashion, had somehow found the time to make a pair of earrings out of the two cutie marks. They now dangled on either side of her head, flopping about as she bounced.
Pinkie: Eh. I’ve seen better flesh accessories.
Two more adrenaline shots caused the little filly to explode back into consciousness. Once again they had misjudged her incredible will to survive.
Dash: How wrong would it be to say I’m really proud of her right now?
Twilight: She’d probably love to hear that. Maybe. In another context entirely.
In desperation she flipped over onto her stomach and began using her remaining legs to drag herself away, leaving a snail-trail of smeared blood and bodily fluids as she inched along, grunting and moaning in pained determination. The six mares laughed hysterically at this futile effort.
Fluttershy: This is funny to them!?
Apple Jack trotted over to the mangled Pegasus and began stomping on one foreleg, then the other, her immense strength shattering the bones inside and forcing splinters through the skin.
AJ: ...ah almost wanna test that.
Fluttershy: APPLEJACK!
Scootaloo let out a mournful wail so forceful her stitched up lips tore apart, splattering A.J. with small droplets of blood.
Twilight: Just how strong are her jaws?
“Consarnit!” The farm pony exclaimed, “you’ve gone and stained my coat! Blood’s mighty hard to get out, don’t you know that you little varmint?”
Fallen: PRIORITIES!
Rarity: Finally, someone else who understands!
Fallen: ...wait, what?
She kicked Scootaloo in the neck, causing her to choke and vomit.
Dash: After what all the other hits did to her? How does she still have a throat?
“Please p-please just let me go,” she wept, her voice ragged, a soup of drool and stomach acid spilling from her ruined lips “I know it’s all m-my fault…I promise I’ll g-go away! Forever!”
Fallen: Yeah, that’s what they’re making her do. (curb-stomped by everypony else)
Fluttershy had brought a small shovel and was busy cleaning up all the blood and excrement the traumatized filly had left in her wake.
Fluttershy: Well... as awful as it is that this is happening, at least somepony’s trying to clean up.
AJ: Hey, what’d they do with the cut-off legs, anyway?
She scooped up the vomit as well and held the dusty, noxious mixture up to Scootaloo’s mouth. “Time for you eat!” the yellow mare said cheerfully as if she were talking to one of her animals.
Pinkie: The most important meal of the day!
Fallen: How are YOU getting half the line-crossers?
Scootaloo retched and turned her head. Fluttershy grabbed one of her velvety soft little ears, twisting and tearing the sensitive cartilage. When Scootaloo opened her mouth to cry out Fluttershy jammed the shovel down her throat, but she refused to swallow.
Fallen: Of course she did! Who’d want to eat shit?
AJ: ...ah just got reminded AGAIN of the baby Cake story when ya said that. This shouldn’t be remindin’ me of that so often.
“Now now, don’t be difficult,” the older Pegasus cooed tenderly. She pushed the shovel in as hard as she could, using her other hoof to pinch the struggling filly’s nose shut.
Fallen: I can’t imagine that’s easy with hooves.
Dash: Not really, no.
Unable to breath, she was eventually forced to swallow, but she immediately threw up again. Fluttershy clamped her mangled mouth closed. Her eyes rolled back and tremors wracked her body as the vomit forced its way out her nostrils, the acid searing her mucous membranes.
Pinkie: That must feel worse than milk coming out your nose when you laugh too hard!
Fallen: Or SODA coming out your nose when you laugh too hard.
The second Fluttershy released her she puked again. Frustrated, the yellow Pegasus kicked her in the face, the tip of her hoof smashing into the little one’s eye.
Fluttershy: EEP!
Scootaloo let out an other-worldly yowl as her eyeball was crushed, blood and vitreous fluid squirting out of the socket.
Fluttershy: EEP!
Fallen: Two in a row? Wow, that’s a new one.
Fluttershy added these new liquids to her blend and once again forced it down the filly’s throat. She heaved violently and spewed again. Fluttershy repeated the process until Scootaloo’s stomach muscles grew too weak to expel the wretched mixture.
-----
Dash: OVERKILL.
Fluttershy: We need to stop...
Fallen: I second that motion. Come on, I think we all deserve a break.
Fallen: Wow, this one’s a serious endurance test. And most of us are passing.
Fluttershy: Hold me...
Dash: I can’t believe anything like this could exist.
Fallen: I know. I’ve seen more than my fair share of bad stories, but this is a SPECIAL kind of bad.
Rarity: I’m curious now... have you ever read any GOOD stories, Fallen? Or have you restricted yourself only to the lowest of the low?
Fallen: I think I’ve said before that I’ve read good stories. Plenty of times.
Twilight: I’m not so sure anymore.
Fallen: Why not? If I don’t see anything good, how can I really judge if something’s bad?
Twilight: Name ONE good story about us you’ve read.
Fallen: “Eternal.” That was too easy.
Fluttershy: What’s it about? Do we even want to know?
Fallen: To my recollection... it’s years in the future, and there’s a serious rift in the relationship between Princess Celestia and Twilight. Twilight wants nothing more than to regain Celestia’s favor, and Celestia wants nothing more than to have her faithful student back. Shit gets REALLY tense between them, and there are existential crises all the hell over the place, and that’s all only the tip of the iceberg. It’s one of the best examples of character and relationship analysis I’ve ever seen from this fandom, and it’s my absolute favorite.
Twilight: Sounds interesting enough... but that could still be the only one. Another.
Fallen: “Smoke and Mirrors.” Fluttershy and Pinkie take in and shelter an injured changeling.
Pinkie: I’ve seen that one! It’s awesome!
Twilight: Okay... another.
Fallen: “Anthropology.” Human-obsessed Lyra who ends up really being human.
Rarity: Hmm... she always WAS an odd one...
Twilight: He said it was just a story! And I bet that’s the last-
Fallen: “The Games We Play.” “On a Cross and Arrow.” “Doctor Whooves: The Series.” “Whip and Wing.” “Longing for Harmony.” “Rorschach in Equestria.” Seriously, do you want me to make a list? Because we could be here awhile. And some of those aren’t even in my TOP favorites.
Dash: I didn’t see any Daring Do in there.
Fallen: “Whip and Wing” was a crossover with Daring Do and her arguable human counterpart, Indiana Jones. And it is fucking amazing.
Dash: You need to show me sometime. PLEASE show me sometime.
Fallen: Gladly. Maybe I can dig up one of Indy’s movies for you to watch too.
AJ: What kinda fics are all these ya like?
Fallen: All kinds. Lots of comedy, adventure, simple slice-of-life, more than my fair share of shipfics, some sad ones, some really damn dark ones... you name it. Heartwarmers and gut-busters and soul-crushers. When it comes to this fandom, I have varied tastes.
Pinkie: Even clopfics and gorefics?
Fallen: Not gonna lie, yes. But sparingly in those regards. The only clopfic I really LIKE is “Romance Reports” because it’s not just plotless porn. There’s a STORY, and it’s the story I care about more than anything else.
Fluttershy: But that doesn’t cover the gore story.
Fallen: There was this nice Alien crossover on EqD. I don’t know if it ever finished or if the author gave up on it, but I haven’t checked in months.
Twilight: So if you love so many good stories... why do you read so many bad ones?
Fallen: Because most of them deserve to be ripped to shreds. And I get a certain satisfaction from doing so.
Pinkie: Even the really long ones?
Fallen: ESPECIALLY the really long ones. The bigger they are, the harder their fans complain. Seriously, the “Three of Me: School Society” and “Living the Dream” fanbases can get CRAZY defensive, and those two are among the most flawed and incoherent stories I’ve ever had the misfortune to befriend the authors of.
AJ: What was that last part?
Fallen: Befriend the authors? Yeah, that sort of happened. Killjoy in particular. We end up chatting on an almost daily basis, and most of it’s not about the story I’m helping him out with.
Rarity: You dislike his story... and yet you help him write?
Fallen: What’s wrong with wanting to take that bad story and turn it into a new, better one? At least HIS only needed some plot rearrangement and character definition. I had to rebuild LTD from the ground up, and I’m not the only one doing it.
Pinkie: Primey, is this just a self-promotion vehicle now?
Fallen: ...it wasn’t supposed to be.
Dash: Hey, I just realized something! You made us all tell you all about ourselves, but you never gave us a story!
Fallen: What do you think all THAT was, genius?
Twilight: I just noticed something too. We take some REALLY long breaks around you.
Fallen: It means escaping the story, so quit your bitching.
Pinkie: Oh yeah, the story! We’re almost done with that!
Fallen: You FORGOT!?
Pinkie: Not anymore!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
Fluttershy: Hold me...
Dash: I can’t believe anything like this could exist.
Fallen: I know. I’ve seen more than my fair share of bad stories, but this is a SPECIAL kind of bad.
Rarity: I’m curious now... have you ever read any GOOD stories, Fallen? Or have you restricted yourself only to the lowest of the low?
Fallen: I think I’ve said before that I’ve read good stories. Plenty of times.
Twilight: I’m not so sure anymore.
Fallen: Why not? If I don’t see anything good, how can I really judge if something’s bad?
Twilight: Name ONE good story about us you’ve read.
Fallen: “Eternal.” That was too easy.
Fluttershy: What’s it about? Do we even want to know?
Fallen: To my recollection... it’s years in the future, and there’s a serious rift in the relationship between Princess Celestia and Twilight. Twilight wants nothing more than to regain Celestia’s favor, and Celestia wants nothing more than to have her faithful student back. Shit gets REALLY tense between them, and there are existential crises all the hell over the place, and that’s all only the tip of the iceberg. It’s one of the best examples of character and relationship analysis I’ve ever seen from this fandom, and it’s my absolute favorite.
Twilight: Sounds interesting enough... but that could still be the only one. Another.
Fallen: “Smoke and Mirrors.” Fluttershy and Pinkie take in and shelter an injured changeling.
Pinkie: I’ve seen that one! It’s awesome!
Twilight: Okay... another.
Fallen: “Anthropology.” Human-obsessed Lyra who ends up really being human.
Rarity: Hmm... she always WAS an odd one...
Twilight: He said it was just a story! And I bet that’s the last-
Fallen: “The Games We Play.” “On a Cross and Arrow.” “Doctor Whooves: The Series.” “Whip and Wing.” “Longing for Harmony.” “Rorschach in Equestria.” Seriously, do you want me to make a list? Because we could be here awhile. And some of those aren’t even in my TOP favorites.
Dash: I didn’t see any Daring Do in there.
Fallen: “Whip and Wing” was a crossover with Daring Do and her arguable human counterpart, Indiana Jones. And it is fucking amazing.
Dash: You need to show me sometime. PLEASE show me sometime.
Fallen: Gladly. Maybe I can dig up one of Indy’s movies for you to watch too.
AJ: What kinda fics are all these ya like?
Fallen: All kinds. Lots of comedy, adventure, simple slice-of-life, more than my fair share of shipfics, some sad ones, some really damn dark ones... you name it. Heartwarmers and gut-busters and soul-crushers. When it comes to this fandom, I have varied tastes.
Pinkie: Even clopfics and gorefics?
Fallen: Not gonna lie, yes. But sparingly in those regards. The only clopfic I really LIKE is “Romance Reports” because it’s not just plotless porn. There’s a STORY, and it’s the story I care about more than anything else.
Fluttershy: But that doesn’t cover the gore story.
Fallen: There was this nice Alien crossover on EqD. I don’t know if it ever finished or if the author gave up on it, but I haven’t checked in months.
Twilight: So if you love so many good stories... why do you read so many bad ones?
Fallen: Because most of them deserve to be ripped to shreds. And I get a certain satisfaction from doing so.
Pinkie: Even the really long ones?
Fallen: ESPECIALLY the really long ones. The bigger they are, the harder their fans complain. Seriously, the “Three of Me: School Society” and “Living the Dream” fanbases can get CRAZY defensive, and those two are among the most flawed and incoherent stories I’ve ever had the misfortune to befriend the authors of.
AJ: What was that last part?
Fallen: Befriend the authors? Yeah, that sort of happened. Killjoy in particular. We end up chatting on an almost daily basis, and most of it’s not about the story I’m helping him out with.
Rarity: You dislike his story... and yet you help him write?
Fallen: What’s wrong with wanting to take that bad story and turn it into a new, better one? At least HIS only needed some plot rearrangement and character definition. I had to rebuild LTD from the ground up, and I’m not the only one doing it.
Pinkie: Primey, is this just a self-promotion vehicle now?
Fallen: ...it wasn’t supposed to be.
Dash: Hey, I just realized something! You made us all tell you all about ourselves, but you never gave us a story!
Fallen: What do you think all THAT was, genius?
Twilight: I just noticed something too. We take some REALLY long breaks around you.
Fallen: It means escaping the story, so quit your bitching.
Pinkie: Oh yeah, the story! We’re almost done with that!
Fallen: You FORGOT!?
Pinkie: Not anymore!
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We’ve got story sign!
“Well girls, it looks like we’ve all had a turn,” Twilight looked about in satisfaction. “Rainbow, would you like to perform the coup de grace?”
Dash: The me in the story just gets it over with, right? It ends just about here, right?
Fallen: You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
“My pleasure!” Dash bowed low to her friends. “Hey Pinks, can you wake her up again, I want her to feel every moment of this!”
Fallen: That’s what sh-
Twilight: NO.
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” Pinkie produced a massive syringe – she had clearly planned for something like this – and jammed the needle into Scootaloo’s chest.
Fallen: How much goddamn adrenaline do you HAVE!?
A deafening, high-pitched shriek signaled the filly’s return to consciousness, the massive adrenaline injection causing her to feel every single tortured nerve in her body.
Fluttershy: If she can feel the nerves themselves, something’s seriously wrong.
To everyone’s surprise she made one last truly desperate escape attempt, buzzing her tiny wings. Whether it was the adrenaline, pure terror, or both, she actually managed to lift off, hovering about six feet off the ground.
Rarity: I believe that’s the OPPOSITE of what everypony was going for.
“Wow,” Dash remarked, “that’s the best she’s ever done!” Though she struggled with all her might, Scootaloo could barely move faster than a normal walking pace.
Twilight: She’s probably a bit disoriented. You know, from the severed and burning hind legs, shattered forelegs, stomach full of her own bodily waste, shredded lips, ruined eye, skinned flanks, severe psychological trauma, multiple cuts and bruises from general beatings, and broken scooter. She’d be doing better without all that.
Genuinely intrigued, the six mares followed her as she fought for her life, giggling at her doomed attempt to flee.
Fluttershy: Isn’t this all happening out in the open? Shouldn’t somepony be stopping all of this!?
Pinkie: They were laughing and walking away, remember?
After about ten yards every ounce of energy was spent and she crashed face first into cobblestones of one of Ponyville’s side streets, fresh blood trickling from her mouth and ruined eye socket.
AJ: This ain’t even cruel. This is EVIL.
“Pinkie, can I borrow your cleaver?” Dash asked.
“R-Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo managed to speak, “p-please, I…I don’t want to d-die!”
Fallen: Few people do, pal.
“Too bad!” Rainbow laughed. She flipped the little pony over onto her back and held down one of her wings.
“Wait no! no…no no no NOOOOO!” To her amusement Dash realized that Scootaloo had, up until this point, actually thought she might make it out alive.
Pinkie: You really have to admire her grip on hope!
She just chuckled and raised the cleaver. “Rainbow no no no! PLEASE PLEASE NOT MY W…” the frantic plea turned into a long wail as the blade came down, severing the little orange wing.
Rarity: That was a much quicker and cleaner amputation than in “Cupcakes.”
Twilight: I don’t know about CLEANER...
When Dash moved to take the other wing Scootaloo no longer protested, she just looked away, resigned, crying softly. As Dash prepared for her final strike, she heard a tiny whisper: “I…I love you Rainbow Dash…”
Fluttershy: STILL!?
When she was done Rainbow smacked the filly several times until she looked up with her one remaining eye, bloodshot from weeping and burst capillaries.
Twilight: This story is just a haven for pleasant mental pictures, isn’t it.
Rainbow Dash held a little wing in each hoof, flapping them playfully about. “So much for the Wonderbolts, eh Scoot?” she chuckled.
Fallen: Seriously, it’s like they threw her through a window, cut her on all the glass and made her land in a pile of salt.
“P-please j-just…k-kill me…” Scootaloo whimpered.
Satisfied but slightly perplexed,
Dash: By her wanting to die? I think I would too if I were in her horseshoes. Not that hard to imagine.
Dash looked back at her friends. “I was sure she’d be dead by now…I figured the physical mutilation plus the emotional trauma would just make her sorta…give out…how the hell is she still alive?
Fallen: Plot magic. When in doubt, plot magic.
I mean, I could just blow her brains out, but that seems so…anticlimactic. Any ideas?”
Fluttershy: Don’t kill her...?
“Oh oh!” Pinkie bounced, “how about CAKE!”
Dash: Of course.
-----
Twilight: The scene division method the story sets up is kind of obnoxious.
Scootaloo awoke with a rasping, guttural howl as a massive electric shock tore through her body, jumpstarting her heart
Fallen: Suddenly, Crank 2: High Voltage.
and causing all her muscles to contract, her body singing a chorus of anguish as every single one of them locked into a tight cramp.
AJ: However many muscles she has left now that most of her limbs are gone.
Fallen: Most?
AJ: Yeah. She still has her forelegs. They’re pretty beat up, but they’re still there.
Fallen: Right, that didn’t happen yet. That’s HERE that it happens.
“Do it again! Do it again!” she recognized Rainbow Dash’s voice as it pierced through the throbbing world of hurt inside her skull. What had happened?
Twilight: Want me to make the list again?
“But her heart’s beating now,” Despite all her ragged nerves she could feel Pinkie’s hoof against her chest.
Fallen: I shouldn’t be able twist this much of a gorefic into something sexual.
She made a feeble attempt to brush it away, but when she moved her foreleg nothing happened. She tried again. Nothing. She let her head roll to the side. There was no leg.
AJ: ...oh.
Dash: He told ya.
Her shallow breathing intensified as she turned to the other side. No leg. In an instant the wave of horrible memories washed the haze out of her consciousness and sheer terror gripped her as she thrashed, searching for any remaining appendage.
Rarity: She had to travel most of Equestria to find them.
They were gone. No legs, no wings. She was nothing more than a torso and a head.
Fallen: If she turns into a ponified Darth Vader, my life will be complete.
As the horror set in and her mind continued to clear, she could feel the searing pain in each truncated limb. She began to hyperventilate.
Pinkie: If there’s a bright side to all this, it’s that her lungs still work great!
Fallen: That’s... kind of a random bright side.
“Ha! Oh my god! That is priceless!” Rainbow Dash was on the verge of hysterics, “look at all those wiggling stumps! We should put her on the floor and see if she can move!
Fluttershy: You monsters!
AJ: Ya know ya just said that about all of us, right?
Fluttershy: Oh my goodness! I didn’t mean anything by it! Please don’t hate me!
Oh yeah, by the way Scoot,” Dash finally addressed her, “We had to chop your front legs too. The way A.J. smashed ‘em up you were just bleeding too much, and we weren’t gonna let ya off that easy.
Pinkie: Why bother torturing somepony if you can’t drag it out longer than reasonably or physically possible?
If it’s any consolation, you look hilarious right now!
Rarity: Worst. Consolation. EVER.
I think this is the first time I’ve ever enjoyed spending time with you.”
Fallen: Okay, for a change of pace, I’m gonna stop saying they’re pouring salt in the wound and start saying they’re twisting the knife. It’s a lot more fitting anyway.
For the first time in her short life, Scootaloo prayed. She prayed to Celestia that it might end, that she would slip away. She willed herself to die, her thoughts crying out for the mercy of oblivion.
Dash: Way to give up on willing yourself to LIVE.
Twilight: Well, think about it. She’s completely unable to move, so escape has become entirely impossible. When you’re left without a way to escape, and the ponies you thought loved you are doing unspeakable things to you... there’s nothing you can do but pray for the end.
Dash: Wow. That was kind of... dark.
“Oh no ya don’t!” Pinkie said, rubbing the two paddles of the defibrillator together. “Fluttershy, see that red knob? Turn it all the way up!”
Fluttershy: She’s still alive, though. Why would they use the defibrillator on her if she’s still alive?
AJ: What about the story made ya think they’d be above that?
Twilight: I’m just shocked it spelled “defibrillator” right.
She was almost there. Scootaloo felt the world begin to darken, felt numbness begin to engulf her. Her heart slowed…
Fallen: This is how her life ends. Not with a bang, but a-
THUMP!
Fallen: -a red herring.
A second shock, twice as powerful as the first made her convulse violently, ejecting the contents of her stomach, bowels, and bladder, forcing the air from her lungs. A fountain of blood squirted out of her hollow eye socket.
Rarity: Oooooooooooooooh, nasty.
Fallen: This is such a pleasant story. Tell it to your kids!
“Eww!”
“Yikes!”
“Oh…my!”
Pinkie: Nothing can stop the awesome power of the stock grossed-out reactions!
Rarity, Twilight and Fluttershy managed to dodge the barrage of bodily fluids.
Rarity: How fortunate for me, then.
Fluttershy: I’m not sure I’d have a real reaction if I WAS sprayed with it. I’ve had some... unruly animals to care for.
The rest were not so lucky. Pinkie and A.J. didn’t seem to mind, the former grinning psychotically as the blood ran down her face,
Pinkie: Cleanliness is next to bloodiness!
Fallen: Pinkie, if anything’s gonna make me sick, it’s your jokes.
Pinkie: Is that... a good thing?
the latter having already resigned to the fact that she’d need a long shower after this. Rainbow Dash, however, was furious, wiping a fowl smelling goo off of her face, her mane stained brownish red.
Dash: “How DARE you bleed on me!”
“Didn’t I tell you what would happen if you did that again?!” She fumed, glaring daggers at the one-eyed ball that had once been a filly. “Somebody get me a beer bottle!”
Fallen: Okay, now I’m curious. Do any of you actually drink?
Dash: None of us are alcoholics, if that’s what you’re asking.
Rarity: A glass of champagne every now and again is always pleasant.
AJ: We make hard cider at the farm. Berry Punch is normally first in line for it.
Fluttershy: I... don’t like the taste of alcohol.
Pinkie: I’ve tried to get a bar put into Sugarcube Corner to make parties that much more exciting, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake don’t want the foals anywhere near the stuff.
Twilight: I’ve gone out drinking with everypony plenty of times, but I’ve never seen them get legitimately drunk.
Dash: Never SEEN us get drunk. I’ve got some awesome stories to tell you...
Fallen: Yeah, I think you answered my question.
“All I have here is some wine,” Pinkie said, rummaging through the fridge behind the counter of Sugar Cube Corner.
Fallen: ...don’t want the foals near it, huh?
Pinkie: The story’s lying! There isn’t a drop of booze in the house!
“Works for me!” Dash took the bottle, and downed the contents.
Dash: That’s REALLY not helping the not-an-alcoholic thing.
“Okay, A.J. hold her down for me!”
Twilight: Okay, I can see how easy it is for you to twist some of these phrases.
Fallen: I can’t help it! They’re just... they’re just RIGHT THERE!
“Sure thing Dashiekins,” Dash shot her a venomous look but it only held for a few seconds before she cracked a smirk. Apple Jack smiled back, happy to assist her marefriend on this momentous occasion.
AJ: Ah’m gettin’ real sick of that.
Dash: Right behind you.
The neck of the bottle went in easily enough, but as it widened Dash had to really force it, inch by inch.
Fluttershy: What are you doing!? You’ll tear her apart! Nopony, not even a FILLY, could take the full width of a wine bottle!
Dash: I dunno. It wouldn’t surprise me if Blossomforth could.
Scootaloo squealed with each push, her whole body shuddering, every cauterized stump waggling about desperately. She was beyond crying or sobbing now, she just kept screaming and begging for mercy.
Rarity: No, no, you have the hierarchy all wrong! You are supposed to complain, then whine, THEN cry! You’ve worn out the effect of crying far too early!
“Ugh I can’t stand it anymore!” Rarity wadded up a dish towel she’d found
Twilight: Just... lying around in a public place? Are you sure-
Dash: STILL wouldn’t stop them.
and stuffed it in Scootaloo’s mouth, muting her pleas. The little Pegasus could only look up at her, wide eye silently beseeching her to make it stop. Rarity just shook her head, “this is all your fault, you know.”
Rarity: Such is the punishment for having been born with vocal chords.
Pinkie: I know, right? I mean, it’s not like we NEED our vocal chords for anything! There are a lot of ways ponies could talk to each other without talking to each other! Like, they could use hoof gestures, they could learn to read lips and body language, and everypony could have some kind of Pinkie sense!
Rarity: Trust me, you would miss your vocal chords.
Meanwhile, Dash was struggling to force the wine bottle up the filly’s ass. She steeled herself and gave one last shove with all her might.
AJ: But nothin’ happened.
Dash: HEY!
It was a good thing rarity had gagged Scootaloo, because the squealing would have been ear-piercing.
Fallen: Because god forbid you let her vocally react to the unbearable pain of a full wine bottle up the ass.
Her anal sphincter snapped like a broken rubber band, creating a gaping hole from which her traumatized intestines slopped out.
Fluttershy: Um... Twilight? There’s a bit of blood leaking from your nose.
Twilight: Oh, sorry. That was just an aneurysm from trying to figure out how that’s physically possible.
“Whoa,” was all Rainbow could say for a moment. Then she turned to her pink friend, who was bouncing with joy. “What now? This is more your area of expertise, Pinkie.”
Rarity: I take it this author is familiar with “Cupcakes.”
Fallen: In the FIM fanfic world, it’s your job to be.
“Oh watch this, it’ll be so super cool,” Pinkie removed the wine bottle and situated the little Pegasus so her plot was just at the edge of the counter,
Fallen: Rapiest non-clop story ever.
then she grabbed the end of the intestinal tract. “Ready?” The others nodded.
Pinkie: I thought I would’ve asked Scootaloo, not everypony else. She’s the one whose intestines I’m about to play with!
AJ: That would mean showin’ some common courtesy for the poor filly. And from the looks of things, that just ain’t possible.
The party pony yanked hard. It was like watching a hose uncoil as foot after foot of intestine spilled out onto the floor with a series of squishing and splattering noises.
Fluttershy: (starts to faint)
Dash: DON’T. I’m watching you.
“My word!” Rarity exclaimed, “how does that all fit in such a tiny body?”
Fallen: She’s bigger on the inside?
“Pony physiology is an amazing thing,” Twilight told her, “I have many books on the subject if you…”
“Thank you dear but I think I’ve seen quite enough for a while,” Rarity laughed.
Rarity: Ah, a small saving grace. I did NOT want an anatomy lesson about intestinal tracts.
Twilight: I really do have several books pertaining to it, though. Maybe sometime you can stop by and-
Rarity: NO!
Scootaloo’s innards finally stopped coming,
Fallen: Okay, that one’s far too easy. And gross to try and figure out how it works.
and Pinkie severed the organ, leaving just half a foot of floppy digestive tract hanging from what had once been the filly’s anus.
Pinkie: What would we even do with intestines?
AJ: ...choke her with ‘em?
“Hey look at this!” said Dash, poking her deflated belly, “she’s gone all…flat!”
Twilight: Considering how much of her mass was just forcibly removed from her body, that’s to be expected.
The cyan mare kept poking and prodding in amusement. Scootaloo appeared to be unconscious again, but her body spasmed each time Rainbow jabbed it.
Fallen: Yes. The solution to all of life’s problems is to poke the squishy.
“Is she dead?” Fluttershy asked quietly.
Twilight: ...her body’s spasming. That’s a decent indicator that she’s got some life left in her.
“Nope nope nope!” Pinkie beamed, “you’d be surprised what you can take out of a pony without killing her. As long as she has lungs and a heart and she doesn’t bleed out, we can keep this party going all night!
Rarity: I somehow doubt it’s that simple.
Pinkie: When you don’t know how to write it is!
Of course she’ll die eventually without her bowels and if we remove her liver and kidneys and stuff, but as long as we’re careful we can make her last a few more hours at least!”
Fluttershy: They weren’t being so careful before now.
“How do you know so much about physiology Pinkie?” Twilight was honestly curious.
Pinkie: “The plot taught me!”
“Oh, Grandpappy Pie was a coroner, doing autopsies and all that! He tried to teach my dad the trade but daddy could never stomach the blood, that’s why we ended up on that dumb ol’ rock farm.
Dash: How do you farm rocks, anyway?
Pinkie: Minerals, Dashie!
I loved it though, and he taught me all about it. Before I discovered parties, dissection was the only fun part of my life!”
Fallen: So Pinkie is Professor Stein?
“Well, I’ll be,” A.J. smiled, “our little cupcake baker’s a regular doctor!”
Rarity: Experience with corpses does not a genuine doctor make.
“Oh, no,” Pinkie shook her head modestly, “it’s just a hobby of mine, I like making tasty treats way more!” The friends all laughed. “Speaking of which, it’s almost time for cake! Er, that is if you don’t mind, Dashie.”
Pinkie! HA! Even when the story gives Dashie a special somepony, it can’t take away my pet name for her!
Dash: We’re almost done with the story. How’d it take you this long to comment on that?
“Ya know Pinks, as much as I wanted to finish her, I’m liking your idea better. You have my blessing.”
Fluttershy: Where did this change of heart come from?
Fallen: Right out of the author’s ass, clearly.
“Let’s do it together!” Pinkie suggested, readying her defibrillator once more.
Twilight: There has to be a limit to how many times one can safely use a defibrillator on any one pony.
-----
Scootaloo was shocked awake one final time. Through the haze of pain she felt a strange emptiness inside her.
AJ: Ah wonder why.
Rarity: Perhaps her soul was destroyed by the story.
Then the memories came flooding back once more. Weak, choking sobs began to shake her. She didn’t bother to open her eyes. Then she heard that familiar voice.
Twilight: “Honestly, Scootaloo, this is the third time you’ve come into class missing your eye, limbs and internal organs.”
“Scootaloo! Scoot! Are you all right? It sounded like you were having a terrible dream!” The filly opened one eye to see Rainbow Dash peering down at her, a look of deep concern on her face. “You were screaming and hollering…
Dash: “You’re SO close to the perfect cheer!”
we were so worried.”
“I d-dreamt that you and A.J. and the others were hurting me!” It had all been just a bad dream! Scootaloo sighed in relief.
Rarity: Relief didn’t very much appreciate this and filed for a restraining order.
“I’d never hurt you Scootaloo, I love you,” Dash told her softly, a warm smile on her face.
AJ: It’s gotta be a dream.
Fallen: Actually... no. It’s not a dream. This is legitimately happening right now.
“You…you do?” The little pony’s heart fluttered with hope, “like love me love me?” Tears of joy were running down her cheek.
Dash: Is this supposed to be touching or creepy?
Rarity: I never pieced it together myself.
“Yes” Dash said sweetly, stroking the little one’s mane. Scootaloo was filled with elation as she reached her hooves up to hug her beloved Rainbow Dash.
She had no legs.
Fallen: THE NIGHTMARE BECOMES REALITY...
AJ: Oh. So it wasn’t a dream. It was a trick.
“HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA! Gotcha!” The older Pegasus laughed. Scootaloo was momentarily confused…then she managed to raise her head ever so slightly and look down at her body. It was a limbless, wet, empty bag.
Fluttershy: You really mustn’t say that about yourself. What about your self esteem?
She screamed in heartbreak, despair, and misery, then began weeping harder than she ever had in her life, curling up into a quivering lump.
Twilight: And here we observe the awe-inspiring power of self-esteem.
Fluttershy: ...
“Wow Dash, that was inspiring,” Twilight commended her friend. “If you don’t make the Wonderbolts…”
Dash: Psh. Please.
“As if!” Dash exclaimed haughtily
“…you could be a great actor!” The purple unicorn finished.
Pinkie: She’s a bad liar, so she’d never be a good actor!
Dash: Hey!...?
“WHY RAINBOW WHY?!?” Scootaloo howled “I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!”
Fallen: “Everybody betray me! I FED UP with this world!”
Twilight: Everything was wrong about the way you just said that.
Fallen: There’s no other proper way to say it.
“And I. HATE. YOU.” The Pegasus spat the words into the tormented filly’s ear. “Pinkie, let’s make a cake!”
Rarity: Notice the incredible job she does of answering the question of “why.”
-----
“Here we are!” Pinkie placed the giant cake down in the center of the table. It looked delicious except for the tip of an ear and a little bit of charred purple mane sticking out the top.
Pinkie: She wasn’t even completely covered? That’s just lazy cake-baking!
Fallen: Seriously, sometimes you terrify me. And I don’t think you even try.
Scootaloo had fought until the bitter end as Pinkie tried to drown her in the cake batter. The protruding body parts
Dash: Like that leaves much to stick out now.
were, however, quickly covered by a generous slathering of frosting.
Fluttershy: Do you really do that, Pinkie Pie? Cover up any mistakes with lots of frosting?
Pinkie: That would mean making mistakes in the first place! And I don’t do that often in the kitchen!
“I just can’t believe how long she lasted in that oven!” Apple Jack seemed genuinely impressed, “she was hollerin’ in there for at least ten minutes!”
AJ: Did they time it?
Rarity: I’ll assume the answer is yes.
The mares had watched in fascination through the oven window as Scootaloo was slowly cooked to death, squirming, wailing and thrashing her little stumps.
Pinkie: The mental image is a little funny!
Dash: ….....heh. Kinda.
The last thing she ever saw was her cherished mentor, Rainbow Dash, staring at her with a wide grin of satisfaction, the image slowly going dark as her lungs were scorched and her death rattle sent her sinking into the cake batter.
Fallen: Seriously, twisting the fucking knife. So hard and so many times it’s turned into a drill.
“She always was one tough cookie,” Dash admitted.
“Now she’s one tough cake!” Pinkie beamed.
All: (facepalm/hoof)
She began cutting the confection into slices and serving her friends. “Ooh, still bloody on the inside!”
Twilight: Is that supposed to happen?
Fallen: I think you’re supposed to drain the blood before you even cook the meat.
Fluttershy was the first to take a bite. She instantly spat it out, gagging. “Oh dear, it tastes…horrible!”
Fluttershy: Why would I eat it first!?
Dash crossed her arms, rolling her eyes, “I told you guys she tasted awful!” The six friends laughed heartily. It had been a fun day.
Fallen: Through some miracle... we’ve come full circle. We started with a “Cupcakes” ripoff and ended on a story with a “Cupcakes” ending.
Pinkie: I didn’t even do that on purpose, but it works out nicely. But yeah, WE DID IT!
Dash: The me in the story just gets it over with, right? It ends just about here, right?
Fallen: You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
“My pleasure!” Dash bowed low to her friends. “Hey Pinks, can you wake her up again, I want her to feel every moment of this!”
Fallen: That’s what sh-
Twilight: NO.
“Okie Dokie Lokie!” Pinkie produced a massive syringe – she had clearly planned for something like this – and jammed the needle into Scootaloo’s chest.
Fallen: How much goddamn adrenaline do you HAVE!?
A deafening, high-pitched shriek signaled the filly’s return to consciousness, the massive adrenaline injection causing her to feel every single tortured nerve in her body.
Fluttershy: If she can feel the nerves themselves, something’s seriously wrong.
To everyone’s surprise she made one last truly desperate escape attempt, buzzing her tiny wings. Whether it was the adrenaline, pure terror, or both, she actually managed to lift off, hovering about six feet off the ground.
Rarity: I believe that’s the OPPOSITE of what everypony was going for.
“Wow,” Dash remarked, “that’s the best she’s ever done!” Though she struggled with all her might, Scootaloo could barely move faster than a normal walking pace.
Twilight: She’s probably a bit disoriented. You know, from the severed and burning hind legs, shattered forelegs, stomach full of her own bodily waste, shredded lips, ruined eye, skinned flanks, severe psychological trauma, multiple cuts and bruises from general beatings, and broken scooter. She’d be doing better without all that.
Genuinely intrigued, the six mares followed her as she fought for her life, giggling at her doomed attempt to flee.
Fluttershy: Isn’t this all happening out in the open? Shouldn’t somepony be stopping all of this!?
Pinkie: They were laughing and walking away, remember?
After about ten yards every ounce of energy was spent and she crashed face first into cobblestones of one of Ponyville’s side streets, fresh blood trickling from her mouth and ruined eye socket.
AJ: This ain’t even cruel. This is EVIL.
“Pinkie, can I borrow your cleaver?” Dash asked.
“R-Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo managed to speak, “p-please, I…I don’t want to d-die!”
Fallen: Few people do, pal.
“Too bad!” Rainbow laughed. She flipped the little pony over onto her back and held down one of her wings.
“Wait no! no…no no no NOOOOO!” To her amusement Dash realized that Scootaloo had, up until this point, actually thought she might make it out alive.
Pinkie: You really have to admire her grip on hope!
She just chuckled and raised the cleaver. “Rainbow no no no! PLEASE PLEASE NOT MY W…” the frantic plea turned into a long wail as the blade came down, severing the little orange wing.
Rarity: That was a much quicker and cleaner amputation than in “Cupcakes.”
Twilight: I don’t know about CLEANER...
When Dash moved to take the other wing Scootaloo no longer protested, she just looked away, resigned, crying softly. As Dash prepared for her final strike, she heard a tiny whisper: “I…I love you Rainbow Dash…”
Fluttershy: STILL!?
When she was done Rainbow smacked the filly several times until she looked up with her one remaining eye, bloodshot from weeping and burst capillaries.
Twilight: This story is just a haven for pleasant mental pictures, isn’t it.
Rainbow Dash held a little wing in each hoof, flapping them playfully about. “So much for the Wonderbolts, eh Scoot?” she chuckled.
Fallen: Seriously, it’s like they threw her through a window, cut her on all the glass and made her land in a pile of salt.
“P-please j-just…k-kill me…” Scootaloo whimpered.
Satisfied but slightly perplexed,
Dash: By her wanting to die? I think I would too if I were in her horseshoes. Not that hard to imagine.
Dash looked back at her friends. “I was sure she’d be dead by now…I figured the physical mutilation plus the emotional trauma would just make her sorta…give out…how the hell is she still alive?
Fallen: Plot magic. When in doubt, plot magic.
I mean, I could just blow her brains out, but that seems so…anticlimactic. Any ideas?”
Fluttershy: Don’t kill her...?
“Oh oh!” Pinkie bounced, “how about CAKE!”
Dash: Of course.
-----
Twilight: The scene division method the story sets up is kind of obnoxious.
Scootaloo awoke with a rasping, guttural howl as a massive electric shock tore through her body, jumpstarting her heart
Fallen: Suddenly, Crank 2: High Voltage.
and causing all her muscles to contract, her body singing a chorus of anguish as every single one of them locked into a tight cramp.
AJ: However many muscles she has left now that most of her limbs are gone.
Fallen: Most?
AJ: Yeah. She still has her forelegs. They’re pretty beat up, but they’re still there.
Fallen: Right, that didn’t happen yet. That’s HERE that it happens.
“Do it again! Do it again!” she recognized Rainbow Dash’s voice as it pierced through the throbbing world of hurt inside her skull. What had happened?
Twilight: Want me to make the list again?
“But her heart’s beating now,” Despite all her ragged nerves she could feel Pinkie’s hoof against her chest.
Fallen: I shouldn’t be able twist this much of a gorefic into something sexual.
She made a feeble attempt to brush it away, but when she moved her foreleg nothing happened. She tried again. Nothing. She let her head roll to the side. There was no leg.
AJ: ...oh.
Dash: He told ya.
Her shallow breathing intensified as she turned to the other side. No leg. In an instant the wave of horrible memories washed the haze out of her consciousness and sheer terror gripped her as she thrashed, searching for any remaining appendage.
Rarity: She had to travel most of Equestria to find them.
They were gone. No legs, no wings. She was nothing more than a torso and a head.
Fallen: If she turns into a ponified Darth Vader, my life will be complete.
As the horror set in and her mind continued to clear, she could feel the searing pain in each truncated limb. She began to hyperventilate.
Pinkie: If there’s a bright side to all this, it’s that her lungs still work great!
Fallen: That’s... kind of a random bright side.
“Ha! Oh my god! That is priceless!” Rainbow Dash was on the verge of hysterics, “look at all those wiggling stumps! We should put her on the floor and see if she can move!
Fluttershy: You monsters!
AJ: Ya know ya just said that about all of us, right?
Fluttershy: Oh my goodness! I didn’t mean anything by it! Please don’t hate me!
Oh yeah, by the way Scoot,” Dash finally addressed her, “We had to chop your front legs too. The way A.J. smashed ‘em up you were just bleeding too much, and we weren’t gonna let ya off that easy.
Pinkie: Why bother torturing somepony if you can’t drag it out longer than reasonably or physically possible?
If it’s any consolation, you look hilarious right now!
Rarity: Worst. Consolation. EVER.
I think this is the first time I’ve ever enjoyed spending time with you.”
Fallen: Okay, for a change of pace, I’m gonna stop saying they’re pouring salt in the wound and start saying they’re twisting the knife. It’s a lot more fitting anyway.
For the first time in her short life, Scootaloo prayed. She prayed to Celestia that it might end, that she would slip away. She willed herself to die, her thoughts crying out for the mercy of oblivion.
Dash: Way to give up on willing yourself to LIVE.
Twilight: Well, think about it. She’s completely unable to move, so escape has become entirely impossible. When you’re left without a way to escape, and the ponies you thought loved you are doing unspeakable things to you... there’s nothing you can do but pray for the end.
Dash: Wow. That was kind of... dark.
“Oh no ya don’t!” Pinkie said, rubbing the two paddles of the defibrillator together. “Fluttershy, see that red knob? Turn it all the way up!”
Fluttershy: She’s still alive, though. Why would they use the defibrillator on her if she’s still alive?
AJ: What about the story made ya think they’d be above that?
Twilight: I’m just shocked it spelled “defibrillator” right.
She was almost there. Scootaloo felt the world begin to darken, felt numbness begin to engulf her. Her heart slowed…
Fallen: This is how her life ends. Not with a bang, but a-
THUMP!
Fallen: -a red herring.
A second shock, twice as powerful as the first made her convulse violently, ejecting the contents of her stomach, bowels, and bladder, forcing the air from her lungs. A fountain of blood squirted out of her hollow eye socket.
Rarity: Oooooooooooooooh, nasty.
Fallen: This is such a pleasant story. Tell it to your kids!
“Eww!”
“Yikes!”
“Oh…my!”
Pinkie: Nothing can stop the awesome power of the stock grossed-out reactions!
Rarity, Twilight and Fluttershy managed to dodge the barrage of bodily fluids.
Rarity: How fortunate for me, then.
Fluttershy: I’m not sure I’d have a real reaction if I WAS sprayed with it. I’ve had some... unruly animals to care for.
The rest were not so lucky. Pinkie and A.J. didn’t seem to mind, the former grinning psychotically as the blood ran down her face,
Pinkie: Cleanliness is next to bloodiness!
Fallen: Pinkie, if anything’s gonna make me sick, it’s your jokes.
Pinkie: Is that... a good thing?
the latter having already resigned to the fact that she’d need a long shower after this. Rainbow Dash, however, was furious, wiping a fowl smelling goo off of her face, her mane stained brownish red.
Dash: “How DARE you bleed on me!”
“Didn’t I tell you what would happen if you did that again?!” She fumed, glaring daggers at the one-eyed ball that had once been a filly. “Somebody get me a beer bottle!”
Fallen: Okay, now I’m curious. Do any of you actually drink?
Dash: None of us are alcoholics, if that’s what you’re asking.
Rarity: A glass of champagne every now and again is always pleasant.
AJ: We make hard cider at the farm. Berry Punch is normally first in line for it.
Fluttershy: I... don’t like the taste of alcohol.
Pinkie: I’ve tried to get a bar put into Sugarcube Corner to make parties that much more exciting, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake don’t want the foals anywhere near the stuff.
Twilight: I’ve gone out drinking with everypony plenty of times, but I’ve never seen them get legitimately drunk.
Dash: Never SEEN us get drunk. I’ve got some awesome stories to tell you...
Fallen: Yeah, I think you answered my question.
“All I have here is some wine,” Pinkie said, rummaging through the fridge behind the counter of Sugar Cube Corner.
Fallen: ...don’t want the foals near it, huh?
Pinkie: The story’s lying! There isn’t a drop of booze in the house!
“Works for me!” Dash took the bottle, and downed the contents.
Dash: That’s REALLY not helping the not-an-alcoholic thing.
“Okay, A.J. hold her down for me!”
Twilight: Okay, I can see how easy it is for you to twist some of these phrases.
Fallen: I can’t help it! They’re just... they’re just RIGHT THERE!
“Sure thing Dashiekins,” Dash shot her a venomous look but it only held for a few seconds before she cracked a smirk. Apple Jack smiled back, happy to assist her marefriend on this momentous occasion.
AJ: Ah’m gettin’ real sick of that.
Dash: Right behind you.
The neck of the bottle went in easily enough, but as it widened Dash had to really force it, inch by inch.
Fluttershy: What are you doing!? You’ll tear her apart! Nopony, not even a FILLY, could take the full width of a wine bottle!
Dash: I dunno. It wouldn’t surprise me if Blossomforth could.
Scootaloo squealed with each push, her whole body shuddering, every cauterized stump waggling about desperately. She was beyond crying or sobbing now, she just kept screaming and begging for mercy.
Rarity: No, no, you have the hierarchy all wrong! You are supposed to complain, then whine, THEN cry! You’ve worn out the effect of crying far too early!
“Ugh I can’t stand it anymore!” Rarity wadded up a dish towel she’d found
Twilight: Just... lying around in a public place? Are you sure-
Dash: STILL wouldn’t stop them.
and stuffed it in Scootaloo’s mouth, muting her pleas. The little Pegasus could only look up at her, wide eye silently beseeching her to make it stop. Rarity just shook her head, “this is all your fault, you know.”
Rarity: Such is the punishment for having been born with vocal chords.
Pinkie: I know, right? I mean, it’s not like we NEED our vocal chords for anything! There are a lot of ways ponies could talk to each other without talking to each other! Like, they could use hoof gestures, they could learn to read lips and body language, and everypony could have some kind of Pinkie sense!
Rarity: Trust me, you would miss your vocal chords.
Meanwhile, Dash was struggling to force the wine bottle up the filly’s ass. She steeled herself and gave one last shove with all her might.
AJ: But nothin’ happened.
Dash: HEY!
It was a good thing rarity had gagged Scootaloo, because the squealing would have been ear-piercing.
Fallen: Because god forbid you let her vocally react to the unbearable pain of a full wine bottle up the ass.
Her anal sphincter snapped like a broken rubber band, creating a gaping hole from which her traumatized intestines slopped out.
Fluttershy: Um... Twilight? There’s a bit of blood leaking from your nose.
Twilight: Oh, sorry. That was just an aneurysm from trying to figure out how that’s physically possible.
“Whoa,” was all Rainbow could say for a moment. Then she turned to her pink friend, who was bouncing with joy. “What now? This is more your area of expertise, Pinkie.”
Rarity: I take it this author is familiar with “Cupcakes.”
Fallen: In the FIM fanfic world, it’s your job to be.
“Oh watch this, it’ll be so super cool,” Pinkie removed the wine bottle and situated the little Pegasus so her plot was just at the edge of the counter,
Fallen: Rapiest non-clop story ever.
then she grabbed the end of the intestinal tract. “Ready?” The others nodded.
Pinkie: I thought I would’ve asked Scootaloo, not everypony else. She’s the one whose intestines I’m about to play with!
AJ: That would mean showin’ some common courtesy for the poor filly. And from the looks of things, that just ain’t possible.
The party pony yanked hard. It was like watching a hose uncoil as foot after foot of intestine spilled out onto the floor with a series of squishing and splattering noises.
Fluttershy: (starts to faint)
Dash: DON’T. I’m watching you.
“My word!” Rarity exclaimed, “how does that all fit in such a tiny body?”
Fallen: She’s bigger on the inside?
“Pony physiology is an amazing thing,” Twilight told her, “I have many books on the subject if you…”
“Thank you dear but I think I’ve seen quite enough for a while,” Rarity laughed.
Rarity: Ah, a small saving grace. I did NOT want an anatomy lesson about intestinal tracts.
Twilight: I really do have several books pertaining to it, though. Maybe sometime you can stop by and-
Rarity: NO!
Scootaloo’s innards finally stopped coming,
Fallen: Okay, that one’s far too easy. And gross to try and figure out how it works.
and Pinkie severed the organ, leaving just half a foot of floppy digestive tract hanging from what had once been the filly’s anus.
Pinkie: What would we even do with intestines?
AJ: ...choke her with ‘em?
“Hey look at this!” said Dash, poking her deflated belly, “she’s gone all…flat!”
Twilight: Considering how much of her mass was just forcibly removed from her body, that’s to be expected.
The cyan mare kept poking and prodding in amusement. Scootaloo appeared to be unconscious again, but her body spasmed each time Rainbow jabbed it.
Fallen: Yes. The solution to all of life’s problems is to poke the squishy.
“Is she dead?” Fluttershy asked quietly.
Twilight: ...her body’s spasming. That’s a decent indicator that she’s got some life left in her.
“Nope nope nope!” Pinkie beamed, “you’d be surprised what you can take out of a pony without killing her. As long as she has lungs and a heart and she doesn’t bleed out, we can keep this party going all night!
Rarity: I somehow doubt it’s that simple.
Pinkie: When you don’t know how to write it is!
Of course she’ll die eventually without her bowels and if we remove her liver and kidneys and stuff, but as long as we’re careful we can make her last a few more hours at least!”
Fluttershy: They weren’t being so careful before now.
“How do you know so much about physiology Pinkie?” Twilight was honestly curious.
Pinkie: “The plot taught me!”
“Oh, Grandpappy Pie was a coroner, doing autopsies and all that! He tried to teach my dad the trade but daddy could never stomach the blood, that’s why we ended up on that dumb ol’ rock farm.
Dash: How do you farm rocks, anyway?
Pinkie: Minerals, Dashie!
I loved it though, and he taught me all about it. Before I discovered parties, dissection was the only fun part of my life!”
Fallen: So Pinkie is Professor Stein?
“Well, I’ll be,” A.J. smiled, “our little cupcake baker’s a regular doctor!”
Rarity: Experience with corpses does not a genuine doctor make.
“Oh, no,” Pinkie shook her head modestly, “it’s just a hobby of mine, I like making tasty treats way more!” The friends all laughed. “Speaking of which, it’s almost time for cake! Er, that is if you don’t mind, Dashie.”
Pinkie! HA! Even when the story gives Dashie a special somepony, it can’t take away my pet name for her!
Dash: We’re almost done with the story. How’d it take you this long to comment on that?
“Ya know Pinks, as much as I wanted to finish her, I’m liking your idea better. You have my blessing.”
Fluttershy: Where did this change of heart come from?
Fallen: Right out of the author’s ass, clearly.
“Let’s do it together!” Pinkie suggested, readying her defibrillator once more.
Twilight: There has to be a limit to how many times one can safely use a defibrillator on any one pony.
-----
Scootaloo was shocked awake one final time. Through the haze of pain she felt a strange emptiness inside her.
AJ: Ah wonder why.
Rarity: Perhaps her soul was destroyed by the story.
Then the memories came flooding back once more. Weak, choking sobs began to shake her. She didn’t bother to open her eyes. Then she heard that familiar voice.
Twilight: “Honestly, Scootaloo, this is the third time you’ve come into class missing your eye, limbs and internal organs.”
“Scootaloo! Scoot! Are you all right? It sounded like you were having a terrible dream!” The filly opened one eye to see Rainbow Dash peering down at her, a look of deep concern on her face. “You were screaming and hollering…
Dash: “You’re SO close to the perfect cheer!”
we were so worried.”
“I d-dreamt that you and A.J. and the others were hurting me!” It had all been just a bad dream! Scootaloo sighed in relief.
Rarity: Relief didn’t very much appreciate this and filed for a restraining order.
“I’d never hurt you Scootaloo, I love you,” Dash told her softly, a warm smile on her face.
AJ: It’s gotta be a dream.
Fallen: Actually... no. It’s not a dream. This is legitimately happening right now.
“You…you do?” The little pony’s heart fluttered with hope, “like love me love me?” Tears of joy were running down her cheek.
Dash: Is this supposed to be touching or creepy?
Rarity: I never pieced it together myself.
“Yes” Dash said sweetly, stroking the little one’s mane. Scootaloo was filled with elation as she reached her hooves up to hug her beloved Rainbow Dash.
She had no legs.
Fallen: THE NIGHTMARE BECOMES REALITY...
AJ: Oh. So it wasn’t a dream. It was a trick.
“HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA! Gotcha!” The older Pegasus laughed. Scootaloo was momentarily confused…then she managed to raise her head ever so slightly and look down at her body. It was a limbless, wet, empty bag.
Fluttershy: You really mustn’t say that about yourself. What about your self esteem?
She screamed in heartbreak, despair, and misery, then began weeping harder than she ever had in her life, curling up into a quivering lump.
Twilight: And here we observe the awe-inspiring power of self-esteem.
Fluttershy: ...
“Wow Dash, that was inspiring,” Twilight commended her friend. “If you don’t make the Wonderbolts…”
Dash: Psh. Please.
“As if!” Dash exclaimed haughtily
“…you could be a great actor!” The purple unicorn finished.
Pinkie: She’s a bad liar, so she’d never be a good actor!
Dash: Hey!...?
“WHY RAINBOW WHY?!?” Scootaloo howled “I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!”
Fallen: “Everybody betray me! I FED UP with this world!”
Twilight: Everything was wrong about the way you just said that.
Fallen: There’s no other proper way to say it.
“And I. HATE. YOU.” The Pegasus spat the words into the tormented filly’s ear. “Pinkie, let’s make a cake!”
Rarity: Notice the incredible job she does of answering the question of “why.”
-----
“Here we are!” Pinkie placed the giant cake down in the center of the table. It looked delicious except for the tip of an ear and a little bit of charred purple mane sticking out the top.
Pinkie: She wasn’t even completely covered? That’s just lazy cake-baking!
Fallen: Seriously, sometimes you terrify me. And I don’t think you even try.
Scootaloo had fought until the bitter end as Pinkie tried to drown her in the cake batter. The protruding body parts
Dash: Like that leaves much to stick out now.
were, however, quickly covered by a generous slathering of frosting.
Fluttershy: Do you really do that, Pinkie Pie? Cover up any mistakes with lots of frosting?
Pinkie: That would mean making mistakes in the first place! And I don’t do that often in the kitchen!
“I just can’t believe how long she lasted in that oven!” Apple Jack seemed genuinely impressed, “she was hollerin’ in there for at least ten minutes!”
AJ: Did they time it?
Rarity: I’ll assume the answer is yes.
The mares had watched in fascination through the oven window as Scootaloo was slowly cooked to death, squirming, wailing and thrashing her little stumps.
Pinkie: The mental image is a little funny!
Dash: ….....heh. Kinda.
The last thing she ever saw was her cherished mentor, Rainbow Dash, staring at her with a wide grin of satisfaction, the image slowly going dark as her lungs were scorched and her death rattle sent her sinking into the cake batter.
Fallen: Seriously, twisting the fucking knife. So hard and so many times it’s turned into a drill.
“She always was one tough cookie,” Dash admitted.
“Now she’s one tough cake!” Pinkie beamed.
All: (facepalm/hoof)
She began cutting the confection into slices and serving her friends. “Ooh, still bloody on the inside!”
Twilight: Is that supposed to happen?
Fallen: I think you’re supposed to drain the blood before you even cook the meat.
Fluttershy was the first to take a bite. She instantly spat it out, gagging. “Oh dear, it tastes…horrible!”
Fluttershy: Why would I eat it first!?
Dash crossed her arms, rolling her eyes, “I told you guys she tasted awful!” The six friends laughed heartily. It had been a fun day.
Fallen: Through some miracle... we’ve come full circle. We started with a “Cupcakes” ripoff and ended on a story with a “Cupcakes” ending.
Pinkie: I didn’t even do that on purpose, but it works out nicely. But yeah, WE DID IT!
Pinkie: That’s it, everypony! Ten terrible stories all at once! What did you think?
Twilight: That was evil, even by your standards.
Dash: I could feel my will to live drain with each word.
Fluttershy: I want to die...
AJ: Ah feel personally insulted on every level.
Rarity: No amount of showering will make me feel clean ever again.
Fallen: Absolute mindfuckery.
Pinkie: Sounds like it was a total success! Thanks so much for doing this with me and making it so special!
Dash: Just let us out.
Twilight: We need some time to rest.
Pinkie: ...well, okie dokie lokie!
(Pinkie pulls out her remote, unlocks the armory doors, and lets the other mane five out.)
Fallen: Well? Go on, get.
Pinkie: Actually... Fallen...
Fallen: Wait. You used my real name?
Pinkie: I wanted to thank you too.
Fallen: Okay. But what for?
Pinkie: For playing along with me from the start. For doing this with me so many times. And... for coming back to do it all again?
Fallen: ...it would be my pleasure and my honor.
Pinkie: Really?
Fallen: Absolutely. There’s not much that’s more entertaining to me than giving stories like these the treatment that they so sorely deserve. And the fact that you let me - that you ENCOURAGE me - is all I need to keep coming back as many times as I need to. Plus... what fun would it be without my favorite pink party pony?
Pinkie: Oh, thank you thank you THANK YOU! I can’t wait for the next one! I don’t even KNOW what the next one is yet! But I promise you it’s gonna be a HUUUUUGE surprise for you!
Fallen: A good surprise or a bad one?
Pinkie: We’ll just have to wait and see, now won’t we?
Fallen: I suppose we will.
Twilight: (from the other side of the door) Hey, Pinkie! Are you coming with us or what?
Pinkie: Yep! Coming! It’s been fun, Primey.
Fallen: And it’s gonna keep BEING fun. Go ahead, go see your friends.
(Pinkie departs, and the doors shut behind her.)
Fallen: Five riffs... fourteen stories... and I’ve still got so many more left in me. Better not let my guard down.
(Fallen looks to the TV screen, which has been left on.)
Fallen: Just like the first time... and of course Pinkie took her remote with her. Well, I guess there’s really only one way to end this...
(Fallen impales the TV with a rusty sawblade, turning it off with a mess of glass and sparks.)
Twilight: That was evil, even by your standards.
Dash: I could feel my will to live drain with each word.
Fluttershy: I want to die...
AJ: Ah feel personally insulted on every level.
Rarity: No amount of showering will make me feel clean ever again.
Fallen: Absolute mindfuckery.
Pinkie: Sounds like it was a total success! Thanks so much for doing this with me and making it so special!
Dash: Just let us out.
Twilight: We need some time to rest.
Pinkie: ...well, okie dokie lokie!
(Pinkie pulls out her remote, unlocks the armory doors, and lets the other mane five out.)
Fallen: Well? Go on, get.
Pinkie: Actually... Fallen...
Fallen: Wait. You used my real name?
Pinkie: I wanted to thank you too.
Fallen: Okay. But what for?
Pinkie: For playing along with me from the start. For doing this with me so many times. And... for coming back to do it all again?
Fallen: ...it would be my pleasure and my honor.
Pinkie: Really?
Fallen: Absolutely. There’s not much that’s more entertaining to me than giving stories like these the treatment that they so sorely deserve. And the fact that you let me - that you ENCOURAGE me - is all I need to keep coming back as many times as I need to. Plus... what fun would it be without my favorite pink party pony?
Pinkie: Oh, thank you thank you THANK YOU! I can’t wait for the next one! I don’t even KNOW what the next one is yet! But I promise you it’s gonna be a HUUUUUGE surprise for you!
Fallen: A good surprise or a bad one?
Pinkie: We’ll just have to wait and see, now won’t we?
Fallen: I suppose we will.
Twilight: (from the other side of the door) Hey, Pinkie! Are you coming with us or what?
Pinkie: Yep! Coming! It’s been fun, Primey.
Fallen: And it’s gonna keep BEING fun. Go ahead, go see your friends.
(Pinkie departs, and the doors shut behind her.)
Fallen: Five riffs... fourteen stories... and I’ve still got so many more left in me. Better not let my guard down.
(Fallen looks to the TV screen, which has been left on.)
Fallen: Just like the first time... and of course Pinkie took her remote with her. Well, I guess there’s really only one way to end this...
(Fallen impales the TV with a rusty sawblade, turning it off with a mess of glass and sparks.)
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