MPPT3K Guest Submission:
AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS
Hey RatherHomely here. I bet you thought you were going to gather an actual riff from me, eh? Nope! Just Chuck Testa! Or should I say guest submission? Or should I say Muleicious, who's returned for another bout with bad fanfiction? Any which way, today's story is... Grargh. I'm pretty sure the writer was high when he wrote this. Seriously, I firmly believe he was high. Here's a quote from the story's description; "Im so pb[high[]/b". The writer could be just trolling. Here's a quote from the comments; "what the hell did i write :facehoof:". Say what you will, I think the brony was high. For the unriffed version, go here.
Enjoy!
I’m Baaaack! I didn’t think I’d try and do another one of these, but after seeing the first line, just the first line, I know that I need to riff this thing. It’s... You know what, I don’t even know what it’s about. Let’s just get this started. The only thing I’ve done to this story is add quotation marks to the bolded parts, so here’s Pnoy’s AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS .
Twilight: You know what’s going to happen when she gets here, right?
Author:Eeyup.
Twilight: And you don’t care?
Author: Eenope.
Rarity: (quickly runs into the room) You realize what’s going to happen if...
(The door slams shut and locks as Pinkie’s face appears on the monitor)
Pinkie:(from the TV) You three knew that...
Author: We already did this joke to death, just give us the prank Pinkie.
Pinkie: (from the TV) Ok ok, jeez... Today’s prank is a little hard to explain. You’ll just have to read it for yourselves. Dashie, if you would please.
Rainbow Dash: (from the TV) Here it is guys, AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS.
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got story sign!
‘WHAT I DON'T KNOW’
Author: I DON’T EVEN...
Rarity: Four words in and the story has my feelings summed up already.
SPike thought as he crossed over into the dimension of ........lands,
Twilight: Which is right next to the dimension of …...... waters.
The chambers echoed filled with the utopia live he inhabited.
Spike got out of his bed to see the sun rising in the distance. "There it is." He cooed.
Author: There’s my respect for the fandom burning up.
He rustled his way out of his basket that his abuseful unicore mother could only afford to give him. Even though she was still best pony, the author love this pony the most.
Author: Tarzan love pony, pony is best pony in jungle.
Spike made his way down the steps, as he did every morning, but this time he couldn't help but see the stairs were now replaced wih a narrow ridge on the face of the grande canyon's peak,
Rarity: I see you’ve been redecorating dear.
Twilight: Well you know me, I’ve always wanted a giant hole in my house.
one miss step would be the seemingly never ending hopeless plunge into an inevitable and iscapeable death with the grim reaper waiting with his giant metal scythe wihch whas known to do things.
Author: Things like pay everypony’s taxes, cure the common cold, and make Jersey Shore a watchable show.
In an a attempt to fight the evil person that he didn't recognize the species of as it stood bipedally with odd primate like grasping mandibles,
Author: Jackal! Jackal! It’s a jackal! Jackal!
he took the rug that laid on the steps and sent a rippple tide wave down its massive girth.
"WHOA SPiKE! WHACH OuT YOU CRAZY DRAGON!!!!" She roared at the top of her lungs. Huffing.
music http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?v=RYCT77YNHsk ATTENTION BUGREPORT: The link maker isn't ok with me somking. Add throws exception to allt he codings
Twilight:... I don’t get it.
Author: I think the author’s warning us that the link is on fire or something.
Spike soared through the clouds dropping bombs on the offensive bad-mouthed mountain FOrgetting to check his inertia module he accidently flew too fast.
Author: Abandon fan fiction!
He felt the world crashing around him it was so real he was going donwn a jimney. placing rustles under the famliey's triumverante tree like saint nick.
but when the psuh came to shove he retaliated with a blank stare at twilight gravily inflicting her morale.
"Make some breakfast please spikey wikey dikey doo!" Twilight tease flaunting her teet's gerrth and pulsating parts.
Twilight: Wait, what? When did I get there?
Rarity: Here’s a better question, what exactly is a pulsating part?
Author: I don’t want to know... All I know is that Twilight NEEDS breakfast.
She walked into the kitchen leaving the immortalized, and lost dragon atop the staircase. []i/[]i ok spike you can do this.
All: We can’t!
He thought tohimself as he proceeded down the cliff that each step turned into as tthe rug finally came to a rest from the rusteling.
and then.
‘EEEEYUPPP’
Author: Big Mac no! Get out of there! Not even you can save this fic!
ROARED THROUGH THE PYRAAMID ThAT SPIKE WAS NOW STANDING ON.
THE CAMERA ANGLE ZOOMED OUT AND FLEW CiRCLES AROUND THE ETERNAL guaRDIANS that WEre THE PROTECTORATE OF THE SACRED PERIOD THAT WAS KNOWN AS TIME AND SPACE.
Author: AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS. Directed by Michael Bay.
THE ARID air soaked his throat dry, the sand being transported by the strong, hot admist the desert landscape.
"You canT/t under stand THE UNFATHOMING AMOUT OF the jimmies that i've rustled!"
Twilight: Who’s Jimmy?
Author: Whoever he is, he’s probably ticked that his names on this.
HIS VOICE ROARed FROM THE base of the pyramid up towards the small purple dragon.
"What?" "WHY AM I IN EGYPT."
All: Good question!
he carressed the hard imperfect hardened sand, eroded by years of shitty weather.. PLOT HOLE they are in egypt, they dont get stormy weather,
Rarity: Hey, it’s our job to point out the mistakes here, thank you.
but it still sucks cause its dry and stuff and usually hot, except in deserts the nights are cold because there are no clouds to contain the head that comes from the sun. but when the sun explose the earth will be vaporized.
Twilight: Did you get all that? There will be a test.
Spike pulled out a blunt and smoked it panicked ly to calm his nervers.
"Spike? SPIKE!"
Author: SPIKE!!!!!
Twilight called out.
"Wh-what what?" Spike suddenly snapping out of his trance.
"Big Mac isn;t here,
Author: Oh thank Celestia for that!
you just started shouting about big mac, and what are you doing with your blanked?
Spike looked at his hands, noticing the clutched his blank was in his BOOOOOODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Twilight: As opposed to in his HAAAAAAAAAND
Rarity: Or with his MOOOOUUUUUUTH
He spike
Author: And the Masters of Equestria
took a step forward oblivious of the stairs and slipped tumbeling dwn its gerth. he fell down the steps hitting his head on the ground before the bewildered lavender unicorn.
The unicorn with a rape face,
Author: She only gets that way with new books though. (slapped hard by Twilight)
"said" you "aren't the problem here, its the weed."
"What no! "He said offended she would suggest such a thing.
Spike just leave! The rustled unicorn yelled.
Author: The End?
Twilight: Not quite...
"k" spike said as he rustled his way out the door.
Author: I say we take a break, agreed?
Twilight: Yes! Yes please!
Rarity: Is it just me, or has nothing really happened in this story?
Author: What do you mean?
Rarity: Well first we’re in Twilight’s house, which has a huge canyon in it.
Twilight: I filled that in by the way.
Rarity: Then we’re in Egypt, yelling at Big Macintosh... apparently.
Author: Eeyup.
Rarity: And all that time, we’ve never left the staircase of the library.
Author: Well it could be worse.
Twilight and Rarity: How?
Author: Pinkie Pie could be in this too.
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got story sign again!
he proceeced donw the road into town, the bushes slapping around in the unsettling gusts of wind that gusted from the atmosphere. To his surprise he saw Pinkie Pie.
Author: … No.
she was bouncing chaotically to him,heer hair like a cotton candy shit storm, beautiful.
Author: Please no...
"HeySPIKE!! whatchya doin' huh!?"
Author: *puts on Darth Vader helmet* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
She leaned into look deep into the spike's pink, glazed eyes.
"nothin'" he toker faced.
Author: T-t-t-toker faced. T-t-toker faced.
"Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah huh!?" she hopped circles around the small dragon, some how making a springing noise with each energentic hop studying the obviously cooked reptilian.
Twilight: Ok, this isn’t Pinkie Pie. This is some evil ,annoying pony with a pink mane that wants to kill us all in the most cruel way immaginable.
Author: So... It’s Pinkie from Cupcakes?
Spike desperatly trying to floow the erratic, hyper party pony. The lines of her body smudged like the gimp smudge tool does. the colors mixed with the air as if a sugarcube dissolved into a hot steamy mug of african coffee. She absored the seductive smell of the cofee and took a sip.
Author: Where did the coffee come from?
Rarity: I think Pinkie pulled it out of the metaphor.
Wha-huh? Spike shaking his head out of his haze.
"You wanna sup?" huh?? Said the pony.
"Sure!" spike replied grabbing the mug from he rhooves.
he sipped it and instantly his mouth shot with pain as the searing heat crippled his taste buds. "HGEARWMFVIRE" he screeched in agony.
Author: … Well that’s just silly.
"Oops! I gues I should of warned you hehe, I put added exrra hot sauce!" She exlaimed.
"It! ok!" He said.
Author: Tarzan like coffee extra spicy.
The pinkk party pony took off in a dash leaving a trail of various party supplies and trollquipment.
Twilight: For the troll that wants to stay fit under his bridge.
Author: Wrong troll Twi.
Dang... He continued down the road thinking to my self, nature you scary!
Rarity: And this fic is proof.
He picked up his cellphone that he just noticed siletnly humming in his pocket. "Holla."
a voice murmured in the static, inaudible to you because you thought this was 2nd person or something.
"Oh yeah huh?" he answered after the murmur in thee static that was still inaudible toy ou stopped.
the sttaticy distant void breifly spoke, seemingly like a yes.
he closed his phone and ended his conversation with the figure on the phone,
Author: What just happened?
Twilight: I don’t know, but it seemed lazy.
it has so relevance to the story and nothing will come of it cause it is completly pointless and I am
Author: English motherbucker! Do you speak it?!
I weill not finish that last passsage, my thoughts stopped on it.
And then Rarity.
She approached him directly, her wind rustling the hair. "Spiiiiiiiiikkkkkeeeeeeee~~~<3" She moaned.
Rarity: *moaning* This story is so bad!
She gingerly trotted towards her intamant partner and wrapped her hooves around him. "I- Forgive me for being so unlady like..." She bit her lip, "But... I want you.. now.." she lowered her voice, into his ear to a seductive coo.
Author: Oh dear Luna no!
they did dirty things.
scene change
All: Thank you!
with rianbow dash and her guitly pleasure,
Author: Bon-Bon
Rarity: Candy?
Author: No, the pony.
Lyra: (appears on the TV and magically slaps Author)
, sat on the cloud. She loved collecting pokemon cards, they were so "AAweSOME~~!" she whispered to herself, hugging her bundles of pokemon cards that were rubber banned together.
Author: Not sure if this is trolling, or if Pnoy’s referencing Hoenshy.
Not many ponies knew about her obsession except for a particular 5, her best friends.
She always remember sitting awkwardly at her birthday parties getting gifts from her friends, and they were always the small booster packs.
Twilight: Except Gilda’s gifts, those were usually socks.
She always had a lot of guests at her birthday parties even when she was a young filly. She didn't want them to know she was so obsessed with pokemon cards as most of her peers grew out of them, thinkin they weren't cool.
Author: Anypony else get the feeling that Pnoy secretly likes pokemon?
Twilight: What’s a pokemon?
Author: Never mind...
She would stoeaway the unopened birthday presents from her friends as used the exxcuse, "oh ill oppen them when i get home, I just wanna hang out!" she lied.
Rarity: Rainbow Dash lying?! There’s just no way!
and then we she would get home she'd run to her room and lay on her bed with he collected presents. With a fangirl like squee she ripped through the packages kicking her legs excitedly in the air eager for her new additions.
Author: Rainbow Dash used Screech... Rainbow Dash used Scratch... Rainbow Dash used Jump Kick... It’s super effective!
and the morale of the story is ponies are real.
Author: Wait wait... What? What about Spike and the phone call?
Twilight: And my breakfast! I NEED breakfast!
____
im sobbering up now slowly.
Author: Writing bad fan fiction is his anti-drug.
but now we are getting ready to smoke agaain.
This will be continued.
‘salutes.’
Author: … I feel like I need to wash myself with a cheese grater.
Twilight: Please tell me there isn’t another chapter!
Pinkie: (from the TV) Nope, that’s the only one!
Rarity: Oh thank heavens! That was the worst. Possible. Thing! And this time, I mean it.
Pinkie: (from the TV) Ok Dashie, open the door.
(The door unlocks)
Enjoy!
I’m Baaaack! I didn’t think I’d try and do another one of these, but after seeing the first line, just the first line, I know that I need to riff this thing. It’s... You know what, I don’t even know what it’s about. Let’s just get this started. The only thing I’ve done to this story is add quotation marks to the bolded parts, so here’s Pnoy’s AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS .
Twilight: You know what’s going to happen when she gets here, right?
Author:Eeyup.
Twilight: And you don’t care?
Author: Eenope.
Rarity: (quickly runs into the room) You realize what’s going to happen if...
(The door slams shut and locks as Pinkie’s face appears on the monitor)
Pinkie:(from the TV) You three knew that...
Author: We already did this joke to death, just give us the prank Pinkie.
Pinkie: (from the TV) Ok ok, jeez... Today’s prank is a little hard to explain. You’ll just have to read it for yourselves. Dashie, if you would please.
Rainbow Dash: (from the TV) Here it is guys, AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS.
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got story sign!
‘WHAT I DON'T KNOW’
Author: I DON’T EVEN...
Rarity: Four words in and the story has my feelings summed up already.
SPike thought as he crossed over into the dimension of ........lands,
Twilight: Which is right next to the dimension of …...... waters.
The chambers echoed filled with the utopia live he inhabited.
Spike got out of his bed to see the sun rising in the distance. "There it is." He cooed.
Author: There’s my respect for the fandom burning up.
He rustled his way out of his basket that his abuseful unicore mother could only afford to give him. Even though she was still best pony, the author love this pony the most.
Author: Tarzan love pony, pony is best pony in jungle.
Spike made his way down the steps, as he did every morning, but this time he couldn't help but see the stairs were now replaced wih a narrow ridge on the face of the grande canyon's peak,
Rarity: I see you’ve been redecorating dear.
Twilight: Well you know me, I’ve always wanted a giant hole in my house.
one miss step would be the seemingly never ending hopeless plunge into an inevitable and iscapeable death with the grim reaper waiting with his giant metal scythe wihch whas known to do things.
Author: Things like pay everypony’s taxes, cure the common cold, and make Jersey Shore a watchable show.
In an a attempt to fight the evil person that he didn't recognize the species of as it stood bipedally with odd primate like grasping mandibles,
Author: Jackal! Jackal! It’s a jackal! Jackal!
he took the rug that laid on the steps and sent a rippple tide wave down its massive girth.
"WHOA SPiKE! WHACH OuT YOU CRAZY DRAGON!!!!" She roared at the top of her lungs. Huffing.
music http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?v=RYCT77YNHsk ATTENTION BUGREPORT: The link maker isn't ok with me somking. Add throws exception to allt he codings
Twilight:... I don’t get it.
Author: I think the author’s warning us that the link is on fire or something.
Spike soared through the clouds dropping bombs on the offensive bad-mouthed mountain FOrgetting to check his inertia module he accidently flew too fast.
Author: Abandon fan fiction!
He felt the world crashing around him it was so real he was going donwn a jimney. placing rustles under the famliey's triumverante tree like saint nick.
but when the psuh came to shove he retaliated with a blank stare at twilight gravily inflicting her morale.
"Make some breakfast please spikey wikey dikey doo!" Twilight tease flaunting her teet's gerrth and pulsating parts.
Twilight: Wait, what? When did I get there?
Rarity: Here’s a better question, what exactly is a pulsating part?
Author: I don’t want to know... All I know is that Twilight NEEDS breakfast.
She walked into the kitchen leaving the immortalized, and lost dragon atop the staircase. []i/[]i ok spike you can do this.
All: We can’t!
He thought tohimself as he proceeded down the cliff that each step turned into as tthe rug finally came to a rest from the rusteling.
and then.
‘EEEEYUPPP’
Author: Big Mac no! Get out of there! Not even you can save this fic!
ROARED THROUGH THE PYRAAMID ThAT SPIKE WAS NOW STANDING ON.
THE CAMERA ANGLE ZOOMED OUT AND FLEW CiRCLES AROUND THE ETERNAL guaRDIANS that WEre THE PROTECTORATE OF THE SACRED PERIOD THAT WAS KNOWN AS TIME AND SPACE.
Author: AN BEAUTIFUL MASTERCLASS THIS. Directed by Michael Bay.
THE ARID air soaked his throat dry, the sand being transported by the strong, hot admist the desert landscape.
"You canT/t under stand THE UNFATHOMING AMOUT OF the jimmies that i've rustled!"
Twilight: Who’s Jimmy?
Author: Whoever he is, he’s probably ticked that his names on this.
HIS VOICE ROARed FROM THE base of the pyramid up towards the small purple dragon.
"What?" "WHY AM I IN EGYPT."
All: Good question!
he carressed the hard imperfect hardened sand, eroded by years of shitty weather.. PLOT HOLE they are in egypt, they dont get stormy weather,
Rarity: Hey, it’s our job to point out the mistakes here, thank you.
but it still sucks cause its dry and stuff and usually hot, except in deserts the nights are cold because there are no clouds to contain the head that comes from the sun. but when the sun explose the earth will be vaporized.
Twilight: Did you get all that? There will be a test.
Spike pulled out a blunt and smoked it panicked ly to calm his nervers.
"Spike? SPIKE!"
Author: SPIKE!!!!!
Twilight called out.
"Wh-what what?" Spike suddenly snapping out of his trance.
"Big Mac isn;t here,
Author: Oh thank Celestia for that!
you just started shouting about big mac, and what are you doing with your blanked?
Spike looked at his hands, noticing the clutched his blank was in his BOOOOOODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Twilight: As opposed to in his HAAAAAAAAAND
Rarity: Or with his MOOOOUUUUUUTH
He spike
Author: And the Masters of Equestria
took a step forward oblivious of the stairs and slipped tumbeling dwn its gerth. he fell down the steps hitting his head on the ground before the bewildered lavender unicorn.
The unicorn with a rape face,
Author: She only gets that way with new books though. (slapped hard by Twilight)
"said" you "aren't the problem here, its the weed."
"What no! "He said offended she would suggest such a thing.
Spike just leave! The rustled unicorn yelled.
Author: The End?
Twilight: Not quite...
"k" spike said as he rustled his way out the door.
Author: I say we take a break, agreed?
Twilight: Yes! Yes please!
Rarity: Is it just me, or has nothing really happened in this story?
Author: What do you mean?
Rarity: Well first we’re in Twilight’s house, which has a huge canyon in it.
Twilight: I filled that in by the way.
Rarity: Then we’re in Egypt, yelling at Big Macintosh... apparently.
Author: Eeyup.
Rarity: And all that time, we’ve never left the staircase of the library.
Author: Well it could be worse.
Twilight and Rarity: How?
Author: Pinkie Pie could be in this too.
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got story sign again!
he proceeced donw the road into town, the bushes slapping around in the unsettling gusts of wind that gusted from the atmosphere. To his surprise he saw Pinkie Pie.
Author: … No.
she was bouncing chaotically to him,heer hair like a cotton candy shit storm, beautiful.
Author: Please no...
"HeySPIKE!! whatchya doin' huh!?"
Author: *puts on Darth Vader helmet* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
She leaned into look deep into the spike's pink, glazed eyes.
"nothin'" he toker faced.
Author: T-t-t-toker faced. T-t-toker faced.
"Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah huh!?" she hopped circles around the small dragon, some how making a springing noise with each energentic hop studying the obviously cooked reptilian.
Twilight: Ok, this isn’t Pinkie Pie. This is some evil ,annoying pony with a pink mane that wants to kill us all in the most cruel way immaginable.
Author: So... It’s Pinkie from Cupcakes?
Spike desperatly trying to floow the erratic, hyper party pony. The lines of her body smudged like the gimp smudge tool does. the colors mixed with the air as if a sugarcube dissolved into a hot steamy mug of african coffee. She absored the seductive smell of the cofee and took a sip.
Author: Where did the coffee come from?
Rarity: I think Pinkie pulled it out of the metaphor.
Wha-huh? Spike shaking his head out of his haze.
"You wanna sup?" huh?? Said the pony.
"Sure!" spike replied grabbing the mug from he rhooves.
he sipped it and instantly his mouth shot with pain as the searing heat crippled his taste buds. "HGEARWMFVIRE" he screeched in agony.
Author: … Well that’s just silly.
"Oops! I gues I should of warned you hehe, I put added exrra hot sauce!" She exlaimed.
"It! ok!" He said.
Author: Tarzan like coffee extra spicy.
The pinkk party pony took off in a dash leaving a trail of various party supplies and trollquipment.
Twilight: For the troll that wants to stay fit under his bridge.
Author: Wrong troll Twi.
Dang... He continued down the road thinking to my self, nature you scary!
Rarity: And this fic is proof.
He picked up his cellphone that he just noticed siletnly humming in his pocket. "Holla."
a voice murmured in the static, inaudible to you because you thought this was 2nd person or something.
"Oh yeah huh?" he answered after the murmur in thee static that was still inaudible toy ou stopped.
the sttaticy distant void breifly spoke, seemingly like a yes.
he closed his phone and ended his conversation with the figure on the phone,
Author: What just happened?
Twilight: I don’t know, but it seemed lazy.
it has so relevance to the story and nothing will come of it cause it is completly pointless and I am
Author: English motherbucker! Do you speak it?!
I weill not finish that last passsage, my thoughts stopped on it.
And then Rarity.
She approached him directly, her wind rustling the hair. "Spiiiiiiiiikkkkkeeeeeeee~~~<3" She moaned.
Rarity: *moaning* This story is so bad!
She gingerly trotted towards her intamant partner and wrapped her hooves around him. "I- Forgive me for being so unlady like..." She bit her lip, "But... I want you.. now.." she lowered her voice, into his ear to a seductive coo.
Author: Oh dear Luna no!
they did dirty things.
scene change
All: Thank you!
with rianbow dash and her guitly pleasure,
Author: Bon-Bon
Rarity: Candy?
Author: No, the pony.
Lyra: (appears on the TV and magically slaps Author)
, sat on the cloud. She loved collecting pokemon cards, they were so "AAweSOME~~!" she whispered to herself, hugging her bundles of pokemon cards that were rubber banned together.
Author: Not sure if this is trolling, or if Pnoy’s referencing Hoenshy.
Not many ponies knew about her obsession except for a particular 5, her best friends.
She always remember sitting awkwardly at her birthday parties getting gifts from her friends, and they were always the small booster packs.
Twilight: Except Gilda’s gifts, those were usually socks.
She always had a lot of guests at her birthday parties even when she was a young filly. She didn't want them to know she was so obsessed with pokemon cards as most of her peers grew out of them, thinkin they weren't cool.
Author: Anypony else get the feeling that Pnoy secretly likes pokemon?
Twilight: What’s a pokemon?
Author: Never mind...
She would stoeaway the unopened birthday presents from her friends as used the exxcuse, "oh ill oppen them when i get home, I just wanna hang out!" she lied.
Rarity: Rainbow Dash lying?! There’s just no way!
and then we she would get home she'd run to her room and lay on her bed with he collected presents. With a fangirl like squee she ripped through the packages kicking her legs excitedly in the air eager for her new additions.
Author: Rainbow Dash used Screech... Rainbow Dash used Scratch... Rainbow Dash used Jump Kick... It’s super effective!
and the morale of the story is ponies are real.
Author: Wait wait... What? What about Spike and the phone call?
Twilight: And my breakfast! I NEED breakfast!
____
im sobbering up now slowly.
Author: Writing bad fan fiction is his anti-drug.
but now we are getting ready to smoke agaain.
This will be continued.
‘salutes.’
Author: … I feel like I need to wash myself with a cheese grater.
Twilight: Please tell me there isn’t another chapter!
Pinkie: (from the TV) Nope, that’s the only one!
Rarity: Oh thank heavens! That was the worst. Possible. Thing! And this time, I mean it.
Pinkie: (from the TV) Ok Dashie, open the door.
(The door unlocks)