MPPT3K Guest Submission:
Apple Cinnamon
Double upload! Not only did I upload this guest submission, but (Get this craziness) I've also finished riffing Cheerilee's Garden. But enough about me, let's talk about "Apple Cinnamon".
Of all the gore fics I've read, this is pretty high up there in the "I ripped off Cupcakes" category. It's kind of sad, too, since I actually kind of like this person's writing. I'm a bit disappointed he didn't try a more original route, because I could really see him writing some good stuff.
Anyway, enjoy!
Hey everypony, your old pal Muleicous is back... Don’t you click that back button! Well, I’ve riffed a clop-fic (I think... Still not sure what happened in The Loving Spoonful) and a troll-fic, so I might as well riff a gore-fic. Not just any gore-fic though, this is one of the many sequels to Cupcakes! Enjoy!
Author: What if... I wrote a five part Doctor Whooves fic where the TARDIS broke down, and put an OC as the main villain?
Rainbow Dash: I think someone’s already doing that.
Author: Seriously? Dammit! All the good stories are taken!
(Door slams shut and Pinkie appears on screen)
Pinkie: (from TV) Hi Dashie!
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie! I thought we were pulling a prank next week?
Pinkie: (from TV) Nope, I thought it would be a great idea to have it this week. Especially with the special guest that I was able to find.
Author: Special guest? Who would...
Discord: (appears in a puff of smoke and looks around the room) Wow... Pinkie was right. You really do have a horrible taste in decor.
Author: (eyes grow wide) P... Pinkie Pie... How did you get Discord out of his stone?
Pinkie: (from TV) Sorry, no time to explain! Today’s prank is called Apple Cinnamon. And guess what? It’s a sequel to Cupcakes!
Discord: Cupcakes had a sequel?
Rainbow Dash, Author, and Pinkie: (laugh hysterically)
Author: (pats Discord on the back while still laughing) It’s ok buddy... I’ll fill you in later.
*BUZZ*
All: We got story sign!
“Apple Cinnamon”
Discord: Or, “How to rip off Sgt. Sprinkles in Style”
Applejack trotted towards Sugarcube Corner, her mind awash in thought.
Author: “Did I leave the stove on?”
Rainbow Dash: “Will I ever be as cool as Dashie?”
Discord: “I wonder what Bloomberg’s doing right now?”
The day was pleasant enough, with the sun peeking from behind what seemed like billions of white, fluffy clouds. A warm breeze lifted her mane.
Author: Which flew away, never to be seen again.
It felt as if the Pegasus ponies had been slacking off lately. In fact, it had been nearly a month since she had last heard from Rainbow Dash.
Discord: On the other hoof, Twilight never seemed to shut up.
She hadn’t been the only one to receive the poorly written letter, informing her of Rainbow Dash’s abrupt departure for a Wonderbolt fan-training camp.
Author: Wait, they have camps where you learn to be a Wonderbolt’s fan?
Rainbow Dash: Yep. I sent Fluttershy there last week, and she came back painted blue.
The girl had disappeared without as much as a word. It didn’t bode well with the honest earth pony, but she kept it to herself. The others sang their praises that Dash had been accepted into such a prestigious camp, but their happiness never seemed to reach their eyes which held concern.
Discord: Happiness tried to climb their faces, but always got stuck up their noses.
How could the so-called Element of Loyalty leave her friends for so long and not say good-bye?
The only one who seemed genuinely unworried was Pinkie Pie. As usual, the girl was all party hats and streamers.
Author: … Anyone else imagine a giant pinata shaped like Pinkie Pie?
Rainbow Dash: Everytime I see her.
Sometimes, her frivolousness grated on Applejack’s last nerve, but they were friends and she knew it was just the way she was. She was spontaneous and full of life, the complete opposite of the down-to-earth mare.
Discord: Who was dead, and never did anything spontaneous like... Oh something weird like going off to a rodeo and getting a job bucking cherries. Then never writing or planning on seeing her friends again. Nope, nothing spontaneous about that.
Rainbow Dash: Sounds reasonable to me.
In fact, the pink party pony was the reason she was headed towards the bakery in the first place. Since the weather was less than optimum,
Author: What happened to ‘The day was pleasant enough’?
Pinkie had invited her over to try out some of her new confectioneries. She always liked to test on her friends first, before presenting them for sale in the shop.
Discord: (mocking Pinkie Pie) This one’s called a Mutation Melt Marzipan Mulberry Cake.
Author: DNA-alteringly good.
Applejack was never one to turn down a free meal, especially if it was a delicious sweet. Pinkie Pie was one hell of a baker.
Applejack arrived at Sugarcube Corner to find it marked CLOSED, she knew better and pushed the door open without knocking, calling out for her pink-maned friend, “Pinkie Pie? Ah’m here!”
Author: ‘And apparently more southern than usual, gosh darn it!”
she shouted to the seemingly empty shop. There was a rustle and the sound of a few dishes clattering before Pinkie Pie appeared at the entrance to the kitchen, an almost unearthly smile on her face.
Rainbow Dash: “Oh hi AJ... Don’t mind the smile, I was trying to get Pound Cake to laugh.”
Applejack felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up,
Discord: Wait, all of them or just a few?
but she shook the feeling, it was just the weather. She hated when it was cloudy.
Rainbow: Or sunny, or snowing, or raining, or windy, the list goes on and on.
“AJ! You’re here!” Pinkie cried, thrilled. She hopped back into the kitchen and returned through the swinging kitchen doors, a tray in her mouth. It was piled high with delightfully, decadent looking pastries, a batch of steaming doughnuts with pink and purple swirled icing on top.
Discord: OH SWEET CELESTIA! SHE GOT TO TWILIGHT!
She set the plate down on the table and Applejack felt her stomach rumble. “You just have to try these, Applejack!” the pink-maned pony gushed, “They’re filled with a really sweet candy-custard and each one is distinctly different!”
Author: “I call them Loving Spoonfuls.”
Rainbow: Never mention that fic again!
She pushed the tray towards the orange pony and she selected the one on top. Picking it up in her teeth, she took a bite and chewed slowly. Pinkie was right, it was really delicious. It was almost like the flavor changed in your mouth while you were eating it.
Discord: Changeling Crunchies, part of your everyday breakfast.
Suddenly, Applejack began to feel light-headed. “P—Pinkie Pie?” she groaned.
“What’s wrong, silly?” Pinkie asked her, though her voice seemed far away.
Author: Damn speakerphone!
Applejack put a hoof to her head, as the room began to spin. She took a step, but her balance was off and she began to stumble. She caught herself just before she crashed into the table, trying to steady herself, her legs shaky.
“What’s goin’ ahn?” she struggled to speak. Her words were like rocks on her tongue, weighing her down.
Rainbow: (glaring at Author and Discord) If either of you makes an AJ and Tom shipping joke, I’ll buck you into next week.
Discord: (tosses a long list of jokes away) There goes my material.
Her friend was nothing more than a giant pink blur, giggling endlessly.
Author: So... Nothing changed?
The sound swirled around her, encasing her, consuming her. She was trapped in Pinkie’s laughter and couldn’t escape.
Author: Pinkie Pie used Laughter... It’s super effective!
“You’re going to sleep now, AJ!” Pinkie Pie chuckled. Applejack couldn’t make sense of her words, she was sure it wasn’t night. Nearly positive, in fact. Why would she be going to sleep…?
Abruptly, the world went black.
Discord: Then white, then blue, then red, then yellow...
- 0 -
Applejack groaned as she began to regain consciousness. Her head was pounding like three thousand jackhammers were hammering away in her temples and her mouth was as dry as the Sahara Desert.
Rainbow: At least she wasn’t in Egypt yelling about her jimmies.
She could barely remember what had happened. Where was she? What day was it?
Discord: If Lyra where human, would she be obsessed with ponies?
Author: Why does every rose have a thorn?
Rainbow: Can Braeburn only yell Applelossa, or can he say it like a normal pony?
She heard the faint sounds of metal clanking and a soft voice singing. Applejack tried to reach her front hoof to her pounding head, only to find it hopelessly bound
Author: In a contract with Hasbro.
. She began to panic, her heart beating in her ears. She struggled to wrench open her tired eyes
Discord: Silly AJ, you pry open eyes! Wrenches are for you legs.
, and the moment she did, she really wished she had kept them shut.
She was in a dingy basement. Its walls were water-damaged, with black mold creeping up the grey and brown brick. The ceiling was low and cracked, green slimy water dripping slowly from the fissure.
Rainbow: Naw, that was just Gummy’s favorite punch.
The dim lighting from the candles on the table in the corner drenched everything in a sick shade of yellow. Frankly, all of that would have been perfectly acceptable, if not for the fact that the basement was filled to the brim with unspeakable horrors.
Author: However, there were cookies and punch by the door.
A huge banner was draped on the beams, ominous with dripping crimson letters reading Life is a Party.
Author: (singing) I can cry if I want to! Cry if I want to! Cry if I want to!
Discord and Rainbow: Way ahead of you.
Beneath it stood a table fit for a celebration, at Hanibull Lecter’s house
Discord: Welcome to the ESS Puntanic, I’ll be your captain for the evening.
. Huge balloons made out of inflated organs, crudely painted and floating low with decreasing helium, hung sadly in the macabre party palace. Streamers made of pony-entrails hung from the rafters. Applejack spotted several heads of ponies, stuffed and mounted like game on little stands. They were festively decorated as well in various party hats. She could identify several of them, including the local dentist Colgate and her sister’s classmate, Twist.
Author: So, it’s just like the inside of every McDonald’s in existence?
Rainbow: Aside from the cookies and punch by the doors.
It was with sheer terror that she recognized the pony sitting at the head of the party table. She was dressed in a posh feather boa, but Applejack knew it was her.
Rainbow: Rarity?
The Pegasus with the multi-colored mane who she had competed against so many times. The mare who had stood by her side in her times of need. One of her greatest and most loyal friends.
Discord: Derpy Hooves?
Rainbow Dash.
Discord: That was my second guess.
She was pale, her blue coat listless. Applejack could see thick black lines all across her body that looked like stitches. They were zigzagged and ragged, the work of an amateur.
Author: Open Mic Night at Ponyville General?
Her deep mauve
Rainbow: Sorry, sorry... I know I shouldn’t ask this, but how do you pronounce that?
Discord and Author: (shrugs)
eyes, usually glowing and flashing with her smile, were dull and lifeless. Applejack felt her heart jump to her throat
Discord: A new high jump record!
when she noticed that her friend was wingless. She felt herself beginning to tear up.
“Someone’s awake, I see!” a sing-song voice snapped Applejack back to the terrifying reality that she was trapped in.
Author: The reality filled with cartoon, talking ponies.
A pair of shining blue eyes appeared out of the pale darkness, white teeth flashing in a grin that would have made a Manticore crumble. She gulped.
Rainbow: Down a large glass of cider.
Pinkie Pie walked into her line of vision. She stood in front of Applejack in a patchwork dress covered in a wayward pattern. The orange earth pony squinted closely at the markings, and gasped, they were <i>cutie marks</i>.
Discord: What’s a <i> cutie mark </i>?
Author: I think it’s the same thing as a ‘lazer’, or a ‘Death Star’.
Her dress was made out of the hide of her fellow Equestrians! She was wearing a necklace of unicorn horns that clanked pleasantly as she walked.
Author: Well, at least the horrifically cut off appendages sound nice.
On her back were no less than six sets of Pegasus wings, fluttering in time with her necklace. The pair on the front was a bright cyan, adorned with glitter. The worst thing may have been that she was wearing Applejack’s beloved hat, perched jauntily atop her crazy head.
Applejack swallowed the bile that burned the back of her throat.
Rainbow: She really hates when other ponies wear her hat.
“Pinkie Pie.” she managed to sound much calmer than she felt, “What am Ah doin’ here?” she asked, her voice forceful. She struggled again, her efforts in vain. She was spread out in a most unseemly manner, exposed and vulnerable. The straps holding her legs down were made of thick black leather, similar to the kind Big Macintosh attached to the mill he used when he tilled the fields.
Author: Or when he killed fillies in the cave beneath the barn. (punched by Discord)
Discord: Sorry, it’s a reflex to mentioning that story.
The table beneath her was on a crank so that it could be adjusted from a vertical to horizontal position.
Author: Please keep your torture victims in their full, and upright position. Thank you for flying Gore-Fic Airlines.
Currently she was being held upright, the metal beneath her cool against her back.
“Hee hee, I’m so glad you asked AJ!” The pink party pony bounced on her hooves, far too excited for Applejack’s comfort.
Author: She knew that Pinkie was getting ready to sing about sharing again.
She did not seem like the same pony. It was not even the basement or her bizarre manner of dress
Discord: And knowing Pinkie’s fashion sense, that’s saying something.
, it was her eyes. The bright blue orbs glowed in the pale light of the basement dungeon with an emotion Applejack could not put her hoof on. It was not quite delight and not quite maliciousness. It was a mixture of glee with just a spark of cruelty, peppered with a hint of pure insanity,
Rainbow: We’ll call it ‘Pinkamania’.
“I need you for harvesting.” Pinkie Pie sang, her melodious voice echoing off the dingy walls.
Applejack blinked, unable to connect the dots.
Author: Apparently, honesty does not translate to intelligence.
Rainbow: That, or she’s OOC right now.
Author: Hmmm... (pondering)
Her senses were still far too clouded from whatever was in the doughnuts Pinkie had given her earlier. Her brain overloaded with far too much new information. “Ah don’ understand, sugarcube.” She whispered, trying to smile at the mare.
Discord: (to the reader) Remember kids, Pinkie’s supposed to be the crazy one.
Author: Who’re you talking to?
Discord: No one...
The pink-maned pony simply giggled in reply. The sound seemed eerie, a pitch higher than her usual laughter.
“Oh Applejack, I didn’t think I would have to explain to you.” she shook her head, the horn-necklace clicking rhythmically.
Author: But I will anyway, because... Well, I’m evil.
“Those doughnuts I had you try are the last sweets I have.
Author: I thought they were purple cupcakes?
Discord: We’ll never know, let’s get this over with!
I need more ingredients. Obviously, that’s why I asked you to come help me!” Pinkie explained cheerfully. The words sank into Applejack’s numb brain, swirling around inside it like smoke trapped in a jar.
Rainbow: I’m starting to this this author doesn’t like AJ.
Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks,
Discord: ‘Holy Luna, I’m a horse!’
the decorations, the disappearances, the sweets, Rainbow Dash…
She snapped, her voice cracking. “Pinkie Pie! What the buck is wrong you?
Author: Should we start alphabetically, or with the first story we riffed?
Rainbow Dash was yer friend!” Applejack fought to keep the tears from coming. She had to keep calm. She had too.
Discord: I’m all for chaos in a story, but there’s no excuse for grammar that bad.
Applejack thought she saw Pinkie Pie’s eerily wide smile falter, if only for a split-second, and her left eye twitch, but she simply tilted her head and continued to speak in her sugary-sweet voice.
“Her number came up, Applejack.” the party pony told her, her gaze drifting towards the stuffed Pegasus pony in the corner of the room. “Now yours has.” Pinkie Pie looked as if her mind was in another place,
Author: Still sounds like normal Pinkie to me.
her expression bordering on sadness as she glanced at Rainbow Dash. She shook her head angrily and focused herself on Applejack. Her facial expression had returned to one of maniacal glee.
“N—number?” Applejack stuttered.
“Everyone has a number, AJ.”
Discord: ‘Mine’s 3.14!’
Author: A math joke... Really?
Rainbow: I don’t get it.
Pinkie Pie explained, trotting out of Applejack’s field of vision and over to a long metal table covered in various implements of torture,
Author: All four of the current Twilight movies, and a DVD copy of Batman and Robin!
RatherHomely: This is from Applejack's perspective, right? So how did Applejack know there was a long metal table if she couldn't actually see it?
Discord: Logic? Logic is for the weak, fool!
“I don’t choose who I harvest. Your numbers do.” she smiled. Applejack heard the sounds of metal on metal and a loud banging.
Rainbow: Deathklop was having a concert next door.
She struggled to see what the pink pony was doing, but her forehead was strapped down as well and she could not lift it more than an inch off the table.
“That’s sick!” Applejack spat.
Discord, Author and Rainbow: Ewwww!
Author: AJ, you know better then to spit at your murderous friends!
Pinkie whirled around, a glare on her face. Applejack cringed involuntarily. For all her battles and all the things she had seen, nothing had prepared her for the empty, blazing sapphire eyes of Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Discord: Not even reading all the stories in MPPT3K, in their original forms.
Author and Rainbow: (shutters)
“You didn’t think it was so sick when you were eating Dashie.” she growled. Applejack baulked, opening her mouth to retort but Pinkie continued unbidden “In fact I think you told me these were the best dern cupcakes Ah’ve ever tasted!” she said in a bad imitation of Applejack’s accent, tipping her hat for emphasis.
Author: Is this a step up or down from the organ puns?
Discord: Down... Definitely down.
Applejack shuddered as the memory filled her mind. She remembered the cupcakes. The cupcakes with the gorgeous rainbow swirled icing that Pinkie had served to her and the other girls. She had insisted they each get one since they were selling fast, “Rainbow Delights” she had called them.
Rainbow: Even as a desert, I was 20% cooler than the average cupcake.
The memory blazed in front of her eyes like a seedy horror film.
Author: Do they have movies in Equestria?
Discord: Mostly just Celestia propaganda.
Her stomach finally failing her, Applejack vomited onto the floor.
Pinkie Pie tsked, “Don’t be a spoil sport, AJ!” she bounced over to Applejack, careful to avoid the bile on the floor, “Look, I’ll forgive you for that nasty comment. Let’s play!”
Discord: ‘I’ll be the shoe, and you can be the iron. I’ll roll first!’
she snickered, any ill-will forgotten. Applejack swallowed the terrible taste of vomit and slime and returned her attention to the wild-eyed pony in front of her.
Rainbow: When did Molestia get here?
Pinkie had fixed herself with a pair of horseshoes that had a fitted hole that allowed non-magical ponies to hold tools when need be.
Author: Those must be invisible horseshoes, cuz you guys use tools all the time.
Rainbow: Oh yeah, but they’re really uncomfortable.
She had placed a large, industrial sized drill in the hole in her right front hoof. She leaned her head down and flipped the switch of the drill on with her mouth, it whirled into life. Applejack’s eyes widened.
The pink party pony stood on her hind-legs and placed her free leg on the metal table for balance. Applejack could feel the brush of the unicorn horns on her chest and her stomach twisted.
Discord: She had a deep seated fear of unicorns, but she never told Twilight or Rarity.
She gritted her teeth as Pinkie Pie leaned closer and placed the bit on the fetlock above Applejack’s hoof.
Rainbow: What’s a fetlock?
Author: It’s front door.
Discord and Rainbow: (groans)
The swirling metal caught her hair and she hissed as it was pulled from her skin, Pinkie ignored her and pushed harder into the tender flesh.
The orange earth pony clenched her eyes shut as Pinkie Pie forced the drill head into the tenderest area of the pony body.
Rainbow: Ouch, right in the friendshipendix.
Finally, the first layer of skin broke and spurt of blood splashed onto Pinkie’s face, staining it crimson. She grinned, her pearly white teeth gleaming against the splattered backdrop. Applejack bit the inside of her cheek, she would be damned if she screamed for this psycho, she was
Author: Harder, better, faster...
stronger than that.
“This is so much fun, AJ!” Pinkie giggled, licking at her cheek absentmindedly.
Pinkie Pie dug the drill into Applejack’s flesh, tearing apart the tendons holding her hoof to her foreleg. She could feel each individual muscle as it snapped and shredded beneath the twisting piece of machinery. She groaned from the pain
Discord: Of this story
. Suddenly, it ceased and Applejack opened her emerald eyes weakly, turning her head as best she could to assess the damage.
Her foreleg was in tatters. The mangled skin was pink and exposed, pieces of her tendons hanging off like string cheese. She could clearly see the white bone, the only thing keeping her hoof attached to her body.
Author: It’s just a flesh wound, I’ve had worse!
The pain was nearly unbearable, like lava was running through her veins.
Discord: I did that to a pony once, it did not turn out well.
Her vision obscured by tears, she turned to Pinkie Pie just in time to see her raise the back end of the drill and bring it down with all her strength on the uncovered bone.
The snap of her leg caused Applejack to shriek.
Rainbow: ‘WHY IS THIS FIC SO LONG!’
While the sound itself was loud, like the crack of lightning hitting a branch,
Author: Or sound of the audience loosing all the bucks they were giving.
it was nothing compared to what Applejack heard in her head. She heard her livelihood slipping away, she heard her family crying from hunger pangs, she heard her entire life coming to an end in one fell swoop.
Discord: Doesn’t Big Mac work at the farm too?
Author: Yes, but AJ’s a main character.
Discord: So?
Author:So... Shut up...
The sound of one leg snapping sounded like a hurricane
Author: Fluttershy.
in her brain and she lost herself completely. She began to sob.
“Oh, don’t cry Applejack!” Pinkie Pie cooed, patting her face with one of her blood-covered hoofs. “Nopony likes a whiner.”
Author: Or a psycho, but then again there are at least 20 Cupcakes sequels.
She tutted, pursing her lips before moving her attention to Applejack’s other foreleg. The drill once again buzzed awake and Pinkie Pie screwed up her face in concentration
Rainbow: ‘This last balloon must... be...perfect...’
as she buried the bit into Applejack’s uninjured fetlock.
Rainbow: Seriously, what’s a fetlock?
Discord: It’s locker? (slapped by Rainbow)
Author: Ha! For once I’m not the only one getting abused. (slapped by Rainbow)
Now without restraint, Applejack screamed. An earth-shattering sound that burned her lungs like fire, but Pinkie Pie seemed nonplussed. She was used to screaming.
Rainbow: She had catered sweet sixteen parties after all.
The party pony leaned backward and observed her handiwork. She prodded at some of the bare tendons before replicating her actions from the left foreleg on the right, positioning herself accordingly and slamming the blunt end of the drill into the bone, snapping it into pieces. The orange earth pony shrieked, attempting to tug her body away from the pain, only to find herself restrained by her leather bindings, victim to the whims of the psychotic pony before her.
Pinkie crawled off her and trotted over to the table filled with tools. She set to work removing the horseshoes and getting her next toys.
Author: Limited edition Luna and Celestia figures, with kung fu grip!
Applejack hung limply from her bindings, breathing heavily. Pinkie Pie could hear her crying weakly, her voice exhausted from screaming. She smiled to herself, oh how she loved to party with her friends!
Discord: Ok... Now I’m scared.
Author: Damn nature, you scary!
The pink-maned pony returned to Applejack and stood on her hind-legs, placing her front hooves on the crank next to the table. She turned it and Applejack felt the table jerk violently before slowly lowering into a horizontal position, leaving Applejack staring at the ceiling.
Rainbow: Where Pinkie left her all day, and she got bored to death. The End.
Pinkie Pie bounced over to her side, the wings on her macabre dress flapping uselessly. “This is tons of fun, Applejack!” she grinned, “I’m so glad it was you.” Applejack tried to meet her gaze, but she felt like crying. This was all too much to take.
Author: I mean, first Applebloom gets more episodes then her this season, and now this?!
Pinkie Pie had been her friend. Somepony who had treated her so well over the years and shared so many great memories with her. Somepony who had taught her to face her fears and giggle at the ghosties,
Rainbow: Yeah, has anypony noticed how Pinkie kept forgetting that herself?
but what did you do when that pony was the ghostie?
Author: Laugh in their face until they go away?
Discord: Shuffle?
Rainbow: Question the meaning of life?
Discord and Author: (look at Rainbow Dash)
Rainbow: What? Can’t I be a smarty pants for one day?
Pinkie Pie left no time for internal reflections, grabbing the handle of a shiny curved knife from a tiny wheeled medical tray next to the table in her mouth and placing it against Applejack’s flank, right below her cutie mark. The blade was cool against her coat, but it did nothing to sooth her anxieties.
Discord: It did, however, make a very handy mirror.
Applejack’s fur stood on end
Author: At least it didn’t lift off her head and fly away again.
as Pinkie pressed the blade into her side and drew it upward.
At first, she could barely feel the sting of pain. In fact, compared to the burn that continued in her useless forelegs, it was almost nonexistent. But soon the pink party pony deepened the pressure of the blade, dragging it against her flank and Applejack’s skin began to roll upward, coiling like a piece of cheese being sliced off a block, revealing the soft pink muscle beneath. She set the knife down and placed her teeth on the skin, tearing it clean off her body.
Author: (throws up in a bucket)
Discord: You might want to keep that handy
Rainbow: Yeah... (gags)
Applejack choked, too shocked to even scream.
Suddenly, oxygen hit the uncovered muscle
Author: With a powerful uppercut, but muscle counter attacks with a right hook!
Rainbow: This is the fight of the century folks!
and blood began to rise to the surface, dripping down her sides and pooling on the table beneath her. It was sticky and warm, like sitting in maple syrup.
Discord: Very painful maple syrup
The blood saturated her fur and tail, dripping off onto the floor. Pinkie ignored the mess,
Rainbow: Phhhft, typical Pinkie.
leaning down to pick up the now blood-covered blade in her mouth and trotting over to the other side of the table. This time, she was less ceremonious.
Author: Much like the way Chrysalis was booted out of Canterlot. (high five’s Discord)
Spitting out the knife with a clatter, she stood on her hind-legs and picked it back up in her fore-hoof, looming over Applejack like a nightmare come to life.
Discord: You know, that’s actually the tamest description we’ve gotten so far.
She began to hack away at Applejack’s right flank, taking out a huge chunk of it. Even in her ferocity, she was careful not to damage the coveted cutie mark.
Author: My precious! We wants it, we needs the cutie mark!
A shriek topping all others ripped from Applejack’s lungs, tearing her throat to pieces. Pinkie Pie slashed her flank, blood spurting like a fountain, covering her and her helpless friend in a coppery mess. Applejack sobbed as Pinkie ripped away the hunk of her flank adorned with her cutie mark, her identity.
Rainbow: Now she can never open a bank account.
Author: Pony identity theft, the most common crime in Equestria.
The pink pony lifted the slab of meat to her lips, painstakingly avoiding any harm to her precious cutie mark (it would be needed for her dress, of course) and took a tentative bite.
Discord: Where have I seen this before?
Author: Cupcakes?
Discord: Oh yeah...
She chewed thoughtfully before swallowing with gusto, she grinned. “Yummy!” Pinkie said in a sing-song voice, “Try some AJ!”
Author: You actually taste like apples!
Sweetie Belle:Oh come on!
Rainbow:How did she get in here?
Author: I don’t know...
she ripped another portion off of the piece of flank in her hoof and pressed it to Applejack’s lips.
The orange pony tried to turn her head away, but was bound by the straps holding her forehead in place. Her tormentor pushed the meat to her lips and she tried desperately to keep her mouth shut, but she was far too weak to fend off the pink pony’s advances. Pinkie manipulated the chunk of her own meat into her mouth and Applejack tasted sinew and copper on her tongue. She began to wretch,
Author: Her sink pipes close.
but in her horizontal position, her vomit had nowhere to go. She began to choke on her own excrement, coughing violently until the bile dribbled down the sides of her face and into her mane.
Discord: Wonder if Rarity would say that’s the WORST. POSSIBLE. HAIR DAY!
Her tears ran anew down the sides of her face.
Discord:Run tears! Run far away from this fan fic!
Pinkie Pie glared at her, blue eyes flashing. “That wasn’t very nice, Applejack.” she pouted, “Have I ever turned down any of your treats when I come to your house?
Rainbow: ‘I mean, not counting the time you made rainbow colored cupcakes... Recipe theft’
Noooo.” the pink pony huffed in displeasure and grabbed a large canister from the metal tray. “It’s kind of like throwing salt in my wounds.” She giggled maniacally, tugging open the tab on the top of the container with the tip of her hoof.
Applejack was too dizzy from loss of blood and vomiting to see Pinkie Pie properly or read the label of the canister in her hooves. It wasn’t until the first flecks of white powder hit the exposed muscle on her flanks that she understood Pinkie’s terrible jokes.
Discord: The second stop on the ESS Puntanic, injury jokes. No flash photography please.
She started screaming before she even realized what Pinkie Pie had poured into her wounds.
Author: Really? The joke was so bad that AJ didn’t even think it might be salt?
It burned like liquid fire on her tender flesh and Applejack convulsed. Pinkie rubbed the salt into Applejack’s bare flank and the orange earth pony bucked upward, gurgling. She twisted her waist unnaturally,
Rainbow: Well, she was the Ponyville Limbo chap four years running
practically unhinging her hips from the sockets if only to get away from the pain for a split-second. Unfortunately, her movements only served to cause more damage to her already tattered forelegs and injured hips, rubbed raw against her bindings.
Emotionally exhausted and physically spent, Applejack began to feel incredibly lightheaded from blood loss.
Author: Maybe she needs Five-hour energy?
The initial adrenaline rush that came with discovering herself kidnapped and beginning a horrific torture was beginning to fail her as she drifted into unconsciousness.
Discord: Did Applejack just get bored of her own murder?
She was positive she was dying. She willed her goodbyes to the world as she ceased struggling.
Finally, she passed out.
- 0 -
Author: Well, I think this is a good time for a break. Agree?
Discord and Rainbow: Buck yes!
Rainbow: So Discord, how did you get out of your statue?
Discord: Well, it seems that Pinkie and you forced so many pranks on the Author and other ponies, that it counted as enough chaos to set me free.
Author: Huh... So this is all Pinkie’s fault?
Discord: A little, it doesn’t help that there are so many people encouraging it.
Rainbow: What do you mean?
Discord: Well look out there. (points to the reader just as...)
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got story sign!
A rather strong smell underneath her nostrils caused Applejack to moan in discomfort.
Author: ‘Who’s cooking bacon?’
It smelled like fire and overcooked meat.
Author: Hey, I was right.
Her nose wrinkled and slowly opened her eyes. She was staring at the dingy, cracked ceiling of Pinkie Pie’s horror dungeon. She felt the tears spring to her eyes almost immediately. She hadn’t died. She was still trapped in this nightmare and it was never going to end…
All: We feel your pain
The pain came back all at once, though it was now more of a dull blaze than a full-on inferno. She leaned her head up as best she could, looking around for the source of the smell. It was in the reflection of the metal tray next to the table that she saw it.
Rainbow: The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well having a tea party with the Wonderbolts.
Author: Someone write that fic, now!
Her flanks were bubbling and black, like the top of an overcooked apple pie crust. The skin was broken and blistered, but the bleeding had stopped.
The smell was her.
Author: Aj had horrible BO.
Rainbow: Was that a pun?
Author: Um... Yes? I think.
“P—Pinkie Pie! What did you do to me?”
Discord: ‘M’ah short term memory loss it kickin’ in... What day is it again?’
she stuttered, her eyes fixated on the terrible sight reflected poorly in the flickering light of the basement. It looked like someone has slathered tar all over her hips and left it out in the sun for too long. The pain was excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the pure horror of actually seeing her pulverized skin, blacker than Princess Luna’s night.
Author: Don’t know if that’s an insult or a compliment...
“I fixed you.”
Author: Gentlecolts, we can rebuild her. We have the technology...
Pinkie Pie explained, placing the hot poker back into the stove on the other side of the basement and trotting back over to her table to set to work on removing the horseshoes she had put on to handle the red-hot metal, “Did you think I would let a little blood loss ruin our fun? We’re not done playing yet, Applejack!”
Discord: I still have Yahtzee
she giggled, the second horseshoe falling to the table with a clatter. “Let’s keep having fun!”
Applejack cringed as Pinkie Pie’s laughter filled her ears. Since her time in this basement-dungeon it had begun to sound less like the laughter of a filly who’s had too much sugar and much more like a huge army of crows, circling their prey.
Rainbow: So... Twilight after she went crazy.
Pinkie Pie ran her hoof across the brim of Applejack’s now blood-spattered hat and grabbed a large syringe.
Author: So, Pinkie’s the Medic now?
She tapped it delicately against her hoof to release air bubbles and returned to Applejack’s side. The orange pony strained to see what Pinkie Pie was doing.
Discord: Turns out it was the waltz.
She positioned the needle at a vein in Applejack’s neck and promptly stabbed, “This numbs you a little.” she explained, pushing the stopper until it the clear serum drained completely, “I don’t want you napping again and missing the fun!” Pinkie Pie chortled, placing the now empty syringe on the metal tray of torture implements, wheeling it out of the way.
The effects of the drug were nearly immediate.
Author: Please don’t turn this into Twi-Dye Sparkle
Rainbow: I can taste the sun!
Applejack felt her body relax completely and the pain fade away into total numbness from the neck down. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or frightened, but one look at Pinkie’s maniacal grin told her the latter.
Rainbow: Never trust a smiling Pinkie Pie, especially with cake.
She opened her mouth to mouth to speak, but Pinkie placed a hoof to her lips and grinned, “Shh! Don’t try guessing, you’ll spoil it!”
Discord: I won’t tell you what your birthday present is, you silly filly.
she admonished, tsking her abused friend.
The pink earth pony glanced at her mouth, “You know, I wonder if your tongue is why you speak funny.”
Author: Ok, it’s official. This guy hates Applejack.
she said suddenly, her voice contemplative. Rainbow Dash had always accused Pinkie Pie of being random, but never had her impulsiveness been so destructive.
Rainbow: You’re kidding me right? Even I know she’s a pony wrecking ball.
Applejack felt a new wave of terror wash over her as she watched as Pinkie Pie escape her vision once more, only to return with a huge pair of scissors in her hooves.
She loomed over the helpless Applejack, prying her mouth open roughly and tugging her tongue out as best she could manage with her free hoof. “Pnkghrah!”
Discord: Yeah, I hate taxes too.
Author: That’s what she said?
Discord: (nods) It was either that, or ‘OH DEAR CELESTIA DON’T!’
Applejack gurgled her protests, unable to form words properly with Pinkie clenching her tongue. She positioned the opened scissors around the wiggling muscle and returned both hooves to the handles, forcing them closed on Applejack’s tongue with a terrible squishy snap.
Author: Well, we know the cat doesn’t have her...
Rainbow: Finish that lame joke, and I’ll hit you so hard it’ll feel like a Sonic Rainboom.
The orange earth pony could only focus on the pain in her tongue,
Discord: Or lack there of.
the rest of her body having been numbed by Pinkie’s mysterious drug. The pain was white-hot and searing, and it consumed every fiber of her being. She crumbled beneath her former friend like an autumn leaf, sobbing uncontrollably.
Author: She saw a double rainbow at the same time Pinkie was cuting.
Soon, blood began to fill Applejack’s mouth and she coughed as she struggled for air. Pinkie Pie frowned, placing the detached tongue and scissors on the metal tray.
Rainbow: She’d make a ‘speaking out of your flank’ joke later.
Author: Oh, you can get away with that but I can’t say my joke.
Discord and Rainbow: Nope.
She trotted over to the oven and wrapped a thick cloth around her hoof. Selecting a flat metal poker, smaller than the one she had used to cauterize Applejack’s flanks, she thrust it into the heat. Pinkie Pie pulled the rod out, its end glowing brighter than Princess Celestia’s phoenix and came back over to her friend. Without warning, she pressed the poker to Applejack’s mangled tongue.
Applejack screamed as her flesh sizzled and bubbled beneath the red-hot iron.
Author: Wait, wait, I thought she burnt the cut off part.
Discord: Context story, give us some context.
The smell of burnt flesh once again assaulted her olfactory senses and she fought the urge to vomit, her mouth could not really handle any more abuse.
Author: That’s what she said. (slapped by Discord and Rainbow)
Pinkie Pie smiled jovially, “You’re welcome.” she told her as she removed the metal poker and returned it to the oven. She went back to Applejack and turned her head, allowing the blood to drain from her mouth and down her cheek before returning it to an upright position.
Author: Sorry story, already used the airline joke.
“I know you didn’t want to miss the best part!” she reassured her.
Discord: We’re almost at the part where Dazzler yells, ‘Get in my van!’
Pinkie Pie picked up Applejack’s tongue and observed it, “Huh, this looks just like mine. Weird.” She laughed and placed the end of the tongue in her mouth and tried to blow a raspberry with it; it made a loud, wet noise, much like the sound of mud squishing beneath hooves on a rainy day. Applejack sobbed like a newborn filly.
Rainbow: Wow... This author hates AJ more then Big Mac hates full sentences.
“Don’t be sad,” Pinkie pouted, whapping Applejack on the head reassuringly with her own mutilated tongue. “It’s time for the big finale!”
Author: ‘Vinyl’s even going to use her Bass Cannon!’
she giggled. Pinkie Pie danced around the dungeon with Applejack’s tongue in her fore-hooves, playing her disfigured partner. Applejack heard her hooves clacking against the concrete as Pinkie performed a jig not unlike the ones Applejack used to find adorably endearing.
Discord: Unless it was during the Evil Enchantress song. Everpony dances to that one.
Author: Even Zecora?
Discord: Especially Zecora.
“That Pinkie Pie, she’s so random”she would think to herself. Now, the thought of her being delighted filled Applejack with dread.
The soft whir of a circular saw confirmed Applejack’s worst fears.
Author: Pinkie was going to reenact all of Evil Dead 2.
As Pinkie Pie returned to her side, she knew her last moments were upon her. Her brain told her body to squirm, to pull away, but it was hopelessly numb against her bindings. She grit her teeth and resigned herself to her terrible fate.
Rainbow: And then Pinkie yelled ‘Surprise!’ and it was all a prank.
Pinkie Pie brought the saw down on the orange earth pony’s stomach, cutting from just below the breastbone to the top of the pelvis. Applejack watched in abject horror as the pony she had once considered one of her best friends
Discord: Cherilee?
drove the blade into her flesh, blood splattering her face and fore-legs. The saw-blade hit Applejack’s sternum and sputtered to a halt when it met with resistance, but Pinkie Pie was not to be deterred from the task at hand. Knitting her brow
Author: I didn’t know Pinkie could knit.
Rainbow: Well, she does make these awesome hats for us on Hearts Warming Day.
in concentration, she bore all her weight down on the body of the saw, cracking the bone into pieces.
The pink earth pony eagerly flicked the saw off and set it on the long table in the corner. She rushed back to Applejack’s side excitedly. Placing hooves on one of the flaps on Applejack’s skin, she pulled it open to reveal
Discord: The Great and Powerful Trixie’s Stage Show!
the inner-workings of the honest earth pony. She quickly ran to the other side of the table and tugged the other loose flap open as well. Pinkie Pie observed her friend’s innards with a grin on her face. Her blue eyes glinted in the dank light of the basement like crystal.
Author: Or maybe that was the author thinking about killing Applejack.
Rainbow: Wouldn’t doubt it.
Pinkie grabbed a large, intimidating pair of forceps from the metal tray
Author: The forceps name was Hans, and it was a bodybuilder in its spare time.
at her side and placed the closed ends in between the fracture-line in Applejack’s sternum. She placed one hoof on each of the handles and with an audible grunt of effort, opened the forceps. The bone split apart like the shell of a nut, exposing Applejack’s organs.
The party pony tossed the forceps over her shoulder unceremoniously; they hit the floor with a clatter.
Rainbow: And were never heard from again...
The sickening smile she wore spread wider, if that was at all possible,
Discord: Knowing Pinkie, it was.
and she reached directly into Applejack’s chest cavity, tugging out her stomach. “Check it out, AJ!”
Author: Ok, here it comes. (puts on a helmet) You guys ready?
Discord: (cracks his knuckles) Let’s do this!
Rainbow: YEEEAH!!!
she showed the honest pony her organ, shaking it so that Applejack could hear what little there was inside, seeing as she had vomited most of it up already, “I guess you can’t stomach me.” Pinkie snorted.
Discord: As we reach the last leg of our journey on the ESS Puntanic, I remind you that there are no refunds.
Author: Damn it!
Her tormentor placed her stomach down on the metal tray next to the table and plunged her fore-legs back into Applejack’s open chest cavity. “Hey AJ, what do you think I should call your desert?” Pinkie Pie mused as she began tugging out Applejack’s intestines, grunting with effort as they uncoiled, tossing them over her shoulder like Hearths and Hooves Day Lights.
Author: He got the holidays mixed up.
Discord: Who cares? It’s almost over!
“I was thinking Apple Dandies. Or maybe Dandy-Jacks? What do you think? Apple Dandies? Dandy-Jacks? Apple Dandies? Dandy-Jacks? Apple Dandies? Dandy-Jacks? Apple Dandy Jacks?”
Author: ‘Or maybe I should make a cereal out of them, and try to make them not taste like apples?’
The entire time she spoke, Pinkie Pie continued to remove Applejack’s organs one by one. The orange earth pony watched in tormented silence as the crazed baker extracted her liver, kidneys, appendix, and finally Pinkie began playing with her still-beating heart.
Rainbow: Wait wait wait... I had to endure the endless puns before I died, and AJ gets peace and quiet?! What’s up with that?
Author: Maybe this author has more respect for the dead...
Discord, Rainbow, and Author: (Pause... Then laughter)
Discord: Yeah (snorting laughter) and I’m Luna is disguse!
An unlikely calm began to wash over Applejack as the pink party pony reached for her discarded scissors. The end was finally upon her. Torture no more.
Author: Unless you read the rest of the story.
She closed her eyes and accepted her fate willingly as Pinkie Pie began to snip away at her aorta. Finally, Applejack faded into unconsciousness as her blood seeped from her wound and into her empty chest cavity.
Pinkie Pie sang a song to herself.
Author: (singing) I’m not a fan of puppeteers, but have a nagging fear. Someone else is pulling at the strings...
Rainbow: Nah, knowing Pinkie it was Smile Smile Smile.
Author: (shutters) Now that’s a bit creepy...
- 0 -
The Apple Dandies sold even better than the Rainbow Delights had.
Rainbow: I’ll let AJ win this one.
They were a simpler recipe than her cupcakes, sugar cookies with just a hint of apple bits in them. Everypony loved the unique texture of Pinkie Pie’s newest confection
Author: Except for Flim and Flam, they thought they could make better ones.
and sang their praises to the chef. Pinkie glowed brighter with each compliment
Discord: ‘Your praise give me power! Feed me mindless masses!’
, saying it was all in the ingredients.
A few days after Applejack had left for Sugarcube Corner, a letter was delivered to the Apple Family’s doorstep. It seemed that Braeburn had contacted Applejack without their prior knowledge and begged for her help in harvesting a crop of zap apples out in the country.
Author: But not before explaining that the apples were in AAAAAAAPPLELOOSA!
She would be gone indefinitely. She promised to write. Granny Smith found the entire thing utterly suspicious, but was dismissed.
Rainbow: Then again, she was yelling about how Sweetie Belle was a robot right before.
A few months later, a young pony named Featherweight got a call from Ms. Pinkie Pie asking if he would do her the honor of assisting her in a little bit of baking on the upcoming weekend afternoon. The alabaster colt was delighted.
Author: He had no idea who this Ms. Pinkie Pie was, but he just wanted another episode before Season 2 was over.
And so life in Ponyville continued…
Discord: Unless you were Applejack, or Rainbow Dash, or Gilda, or Twist.
END
Pinkie: (from the TV) Well, what did you think?
Author: It was... interesting. Better written then some of the other fics we’ve riffed...
Rainbow: It was horrible! AJ got off easy! I had to hear every... last... pun... (shutters)
Discord: Well, I thought it was pretty good.
Author: That reminds me, how did you know all those human world references?
Discord: I’m Discord, that’s how.
Author: Seems Legit... Now what?
Pinkie: (from the TV) Well, we could do another one.
Discord: (turns to stone instantly)
Author: Well... Why not! (the door unlocks and they run out)
Of all the gore fics I've read, this is pretty high up there in the "I ripped off Cupcakes" category. It's kind of sad, too, since I actually kind of like this person's writing. I'm a bit disappointed he didn't try a more original route, because I could really see him writing some good stuff.
Anyway, enjoy!
Hey everypony, your old pal Muleicous is back... Don’t you click that back button! Well, I’ve riffed a clop-fic (I think... Still not sure what happened in The Loving Spoonful) and a troll-fic, so I might as well riff a gore-fic. Not just any gore-fic though, this is one of the many sequels to Cupcakes! Enjoy!
Author: What if... I wrote a five part Doctor Whooves fic where the TARDIS broke down, and put an OC as the main villain?
Rainbow Dash: I think someone’s already doing that.
Author: Seriously? Dammit! All the good stories are taken!
(Door slams shut and Pinkie appears on screen)
Pinkie: (from TV) Hi Dashie!
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie! I thought we were pulling a prank next week?
Pinkie: (from TV) Nope, I thought it would be a great idea to have it this week. Especially with the special guest that I was able to find.
Author: Special guest? Who would...
Discord: (appears in a puff of smoke and looks around the room) Wow... Pinkie was right. You really do have a horrible taste in decor.
Author: (eyes grow wide) P... Pinkie Pie... How did you get Discord out of his stone?
Pinkie: (from TV) Sorry, no time to explain! Today’s prank is called Apple Cinnamon. And guess what? It’s a sequel to Cupcakes!
Discord: Cupcakes had a sequel?
Rainbow Dash, Author, and Pinkie: (laugh hysterically)
Author: (pats Discord on the back while still laughing) It’s ok buddy... I’ll fill you in later.
*BUZZ*
All: We got story sign!
“Apple Cinnamon”
Discord: Or, “How to rip off Sgt. Sprinkles in Style”
Applejack trotted towards Sugarcube Corner, her mind awash in thought.
Author: “Did I leave the stove on?”
Rainbow Dash: “Will I ever be as cool as Dashie?”
Discord: “I wonder what Bloomberg’s doing right now?”
The day was pleasant enough, with the sun peeking from behind what seemed like billions of white, fluffy clouds. A warm breeze lifted her mane.
Author: Which flew away, never to be seen again.
It felt as if the Pegasus ponies had been slacking off lately. In fact, it had been nearly a month since she had last heard from Rainbow Dash.
Discord: On the other hoof, Twilight never seemed to shut up.
She hadn’t been the only one to receive the poorly written letter, informing her of Rainbow Dash’s abrupt departure for a Wonderbolt fan-training camp.
Author: Wait, they have camps where you learn to be a Wonderbolt’s fan?
Rainbow Dash: Yep. I sent Fluttershy there last week, and she came back painted blue.
The girl had disappeared without as much as a word. It didn’t bode well with the honest earth pony, but she kept it to herself. The others sang their praises that Dash had been accepted into such a prestigious camp, but their happiness never seemed to reach their eyes which held concern.
Discord: Happiness tried to climb their faces, but always got stuck up their noses.
How could the so-called Element of Loyalty leave her friends for so long and not say good-bye?
The only one who seemed genuinely unworried was Pinkie Pie. As usual, the girl was all party hats and streamers.
Author: … Anyone else imagine a giant pinata shaped like Pinkie Pie?
Rainbow Dash: Everytime I see her.
Sometimes, her frivolousness grated on Applejack’s last nerve, but they were friends and she knew it was just the way she was. She was spontaneous and full of life, the complete opposite of the down-to-earth mare.
Discord: Who was dead, and never did anything spontaneous like... Oh something weird like going off to a rodeo and getting a job bucking cherries. Then never writing or planning on seeing her friends again. Nope, nothing spontaneous about that.
Rainbow Dash: Sounds reasonable to me.
In fact, the pink party pony was the reason she was headed towards the bakery in the first place. Since the weather was less than optimum,
Author: What happened to ‘The day was pleasant enough’?
Pinkie had invited her over to try out some of her new confectioneries. She always liked to test on her friends first, before presenting them for sale in the shop.
Discord: (mocking Pinkie Pie) This one’s called a Mutation Melt Marzipan Mulberry Cake.
Author: DNA-alteringly good.
Applejack was never one to turn down a free meal, especially if it was a delicious sweet. Pinkie Pie was one hell of a baker.
Applejack arrived at Sugarcube Corner to find it marked CLOSED, she knew better and pushed the door open without knocking, calling out for her pink-maned friend, “Pinkie Pie? Ah’m here!”
Author: ‘And apparently more southern than usual, gosh darn it!”
she shouted to the seemingly empty shop. There was a rustle and the sound of a few dishes clattering before Pinkie Pie appeared at the entrance to the kitchen, an almost unearthly smile on her face.
Rainbow Dash: “Oh hi AJ... Don’t mind the smile, I was trying to get Pound Cake to laugh.”
Applejack felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up,
Discord: Wait, all of them or just a few?
but she shook the feeling, it was just the weather. She hated when it was cloudy.
Rainbow: Or sunny, or snowing, or raining, or windy, the list goes on and on.
“AJ! You’re here!” Pinkie cried, thrilled. She hopped back into the kitchen and returned through the swinging kitchen doors, a tray in her mouth. It was piled high with delightfully, decadent looking pastries, a batch of steaming doughnuts with pink and purple swirled icing on top.
Discord: OH SWEET CELESTIA! SHE GOT TO TWILIGHT!
She set the plate down on the table and Applejack felt her stomach rumble. “You just have to try these, Applejack!” the pink-maned pony gushed, “They’re filled with a really sweet candy-custard and each one is distinctly different!”
Author: “I call them Loving Spoonfuls.”
Rainbow: Never mention that fic again!
She pushed the tray towards the orange pony and she selected the one on top. Picking it up in her teeth, she took a bite and chewed slowly. Pinkie was right, it was really delicious. It was almost like the flavor changed in your mouth while you were eating it.
Discord: Changeling Crunchies, part of your everyday breakfast.
Suddenly, Applejack began to feel light-headed. “P—Pinkie Pie?” she groaned.
“What’s wrong, silly?” Pinkie asked her, though her voice seemed far away.
Author: Damn speakerphone!
Applejack put a hoof to her head, as the room began to spin. She took a step, but her balance was off and she began to stumble. She caught herself just before she crashed into the table, trying to steady herself, her legs shaky.
“What’s goin’ ahn?” she struggled to speak. Her words were like rocks on her tongue, weighing her down.
Rainbow: (glaring at Author and Discord) If either of you makes an AJ and Tom shipping joke, I’ll buck you into next week.
Discord: (tosses a long list of jokes away) There goes my material.
Her friend was nothing more than a giant pink blur, giggling endlessly.
Author: So... Nothing changed?
The sound swirled around her, encasing her, consuming her. She was trapped in Pinkie’s laughter and couldn’t escape.
Author: Pinkie Pie used Laughter... It’s super effective!
“You’re going to sleep now, AJ!” Pinkie Pie chuckled. Applejack couldn’t make sense of her words, she was sure it wasn’t night. Nearly positive, in fact. Why would she be going to sleep…?
Abruptly, the world went black.
Discord: Then white, then blue, then red, then yellow...
- 0 -
Applejack groaned as she began to regain consciousness. Her head was pounding like three thousand jackhammers were hammering away in her temples and her mouth was as dry as the Sahara Desert.
Rainbow: At least she wasn’t in Egypt yelling about her jimmies.
She could barely remember what had happened. Where was she? What day was it?
Discord: If Lyra where human, would she be obsessed with ponies?
Author: Why does every rose have a thorn?
Rainbow: Can Braeburn only yell Applelossa, or can he say it like a normal pony?
She heard the faint sounds of metal clanking and a soft voice singing. Applejack tried to reach her front hoof to her pounding head, only to find it hopelessly bound
Author: In a contract with Hasbro.
. She began to panic, her heart beating in her ears. She struggled to wrench open her tired eyes
Discord: Silly AJ, you pry open eyes! Wrenches are for you legs.
, and the moment she did, she really wished she had kept them shut.
She was in a dingy basement. Its walls were water-damaged, with black mold creeping up the grey and brown brick. The ceiling was low and cracked, green slimy water dripping slowly from the fissure.
Rainbow: Naw, that was just Gummy’s favorite punch.
The dim lighting from the candles on the table in the corner drenched everything in a sick shade of yellow. Frankly, all of that would have been perfectly acceptable, if not for the fact that the basement was filled to the brim with unspeakable horrors.
Author: However, there were cookies and punch by the door.
A huge banner was draped on the beams, ominous with dripping crimson letters reading Life is a Party.
Author: (singing) I can cry if I want to! Cry if I want to! Cry if I want to!
Discord and Rainbow: Way ahead of you.
Beneath it stood a table fit for a celebration, at Hanibull Lecter’s house
Discord: Welcome to the ESS Puntanic, I’ll be your captain for the evening.
. Huge balloons made out of inflated organs, crudely painted and floating low with decreasing helium, hung sadly in the macabre party palace. Streamers made of pony-entrails hung from the rafters. Applejack spotted several heads of ponies, stuffed and mounted like game on little stands. They were festively decorated as well in various party hats. She could identify several of them, including the local dentist Colgate and her sister’s classmate, Twist.
Author: So, it’s just like the inside of every McDonald’s in existence?
Rainbow: Aside from the cookies and punch by the doors.
It was with sheer terror that she recognized the pony sitting at the head of the party table. She was dressed in a posh feather boa, but Applejack knew it was her.
Rainbow: Rarity?
The Pegasus with the multi-colored mane who she had competed against so many times. The mare who had stood by her side in her times of need. One of her greatest and most loyal friends.
Discord: Derpy Hooves?
Rainbow Dash.
Discord: That was my second guess.
She was pale, her blue coat listless. Applejack could see thick black lines all across her body that looked like stitches. They were zigzagged and ragged, the work of an amateur.
Author: Open Mic Night at Ponyville General?
Her deep mauve
Rainbow: Sorry, sorry... I know I shouldn’t ask this, but how do you pronounce that?
Discord and Author: (shrugs)
eyes, usually glowing and flashing with her smile, were dull and lifeless. Applejack felt her heart jump to her throat
Discord: A new high jump record!
when she noticed that her friend was wingless. She felt herself beginning to tear up.
“Someone’s awake, I see!” a sing-song voice snapped Applejack back to the terrifying reality that she was trapped in.
Author: The reality filled with cartoon, talking ponies.
A pair of shining blue eyes appeared out of the pale darkness, white teeth flashing in a grin that would have made a Manticore crumble. She gulped.
Rainbow: Down a large glass of cider.
Pinkie Pie walked into her line of vision. She stood in front of Applejack in a patchwork dress covered in a wayward pattern. The orange earth pony squinted closely at the markings, and gasped, they were <i>cutie marks</i>.
Discord: What’s a <i> cutie mark </i>?
Author: I think it’s the same thing as a ‘lazer’, or a ‘Death Star’.
Her dress was made out of the hide of her fellow Equestrians! She was wearing a necklace of unicorn horns that clanked pleasantly as she walked.
Author: Well, at least the horrifically cut off appendages sound nice.
On her back were no less than six sets of Pegasus wings, fluttering in time with her necklace. The pair on the front was a bright cyan, adorned with glitter. The worst thing may have been that she was wearing Applejack’s beloved hat, perched jauntily atop her crazy head.
Applejack swallowed the bile that burned the back of her throat.
Rainbow: She really hates when other ponies wear her hat.
“Pinkie Pie.” she managed to sound much calmer than she felt, “What am Ah doin’ here?” she asked, her voice forceful. She struggled again, her efforts in vain. She was spread out in a most unseemly manner, exposed and vulnerable. The straps holding her legs down were made of thick black leather, similar to the kind Big Macintosh attached to the mill he used when he tilled the fields.
Author: Or when he killed fillies in the cave beneath the barn. (punched by Discord)
Discord: Sorry, it’s a reflex to mentioning that story.
The table beneath her was on a crank so that it could be adjusted from a vertical to horizontal position.
Author: Please keep your torture victims in their full, and upright position. Thank you for flying Gore-Fic Airlines.
Currently she was being held upright, the metal beneath her cool against her back.
“Hee hee, I’m so glad you asked AJ!” The pink party pony bounced on her hooves, far too excited for Applejack’s comfort.
Author: She knew that Pinkie was getting ready to sing about sharing again.
She did not seem like the same pony. It was not even the basement or her bizarre manner of dress
Discord: And knowing Pinkie’s fashion sense, that’s saying something.
, it was her eyes. The bright blue orbs glowed in the pale light of the basement dungeon with an emotion Applejack could not put her hoof on. It was not quite delight and not quite maliciousness. It was a mixture of glee with just a spark of cruelty, peppered with a hint of pure insanity,
Rainbow: We’ll call it ‘Pinkamania’.
“I need you for harvesting.” Pinkie Pie sang, her melodious voice echoing off the dingy walls.
Applejack blinked, unable to connect the dots.
Author: Apparently, honesty does not translate to intelligence.
Rainbow: That, or she’s OOC right now.
Author: Hmmm... (pondering)
Her senses were still far too clouded from whatever was in the doughnuts Pinkie had given her earlier. Her brain overloaded with far too much new information. “Ah don’ understand, sugarcube.” She whispered, trying to smile at the mare.
Discord: (to the reader) Remember kids, Pinkie’s supposed to be the crazy one.
Author: Who’re you talking to?
Discord: No one...
The pink-maned pony simply giggled in reply. The sound seemed eerie, a pitch higher than her usual laughter.
“Oh Applejack, I didn’t think I would have to explain to you.” she shook her head, the horn-necklace clicking rhythmically.
Author: But I will anyway, because... Well, I’m evil.
“Those doughnuts I had you try are the last sweets I have.
Author: I thought they were purple cupcakes?
Discord: We’ll never know, let’s get this over with!
I need more ingredients. Obviously, that’s why I asked you to come help me!” Pinkie explained cheerfully. The words sank into Applejack’s numb brain, swirling around inside it like smoke trapped in a jar.
Rainbow: I’m starting to this this author doesn’t like AJ.
Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks,
Discord: ‘Holy Luna, I’m a horse!’
the decorations, the disappearances, the sweets, Rainbow Dash…
She snapped, her voice cracking. “Pinkie Pie! What the buck is wrong you?
Author: Should we start alphabetically, or with the first story we riffed?
Rainbow Dash was yer friend!” Applejack fought to keep the tears from coming. She had to keep calm. She had too.
Discord: I’m all for chaos in a story, but there’s no excuse for grammar that bad.
Applejack thought she saw Pinkie Pie’s eerily wide smile falter, if only for a split-second, and her left eye twitch, but she simply tilted her head and continued to speak in her sugary-sweet voice.
“Her number came up, Applejack.” the party pony told her, her gaze drifting towards the stuffed Pegasus pony in the corner of the room. “Now yours has.” Pinkie Pie looked as if her mind was in another place,
Author: Still sounds like normal Pinkie to me.
her expression bordering on sadness as she glanced at Rainbow Dash. She shook her head angrily and focused herself on Applejack. Her facial expression had returned to one of maniacal glee.
“N—number?” Applejack stuttered.
“Everyone has a number, AJ.”
Discord: ‘Mine’s 3.14!’
Author: A math joke... Really?
Rainbow: I don’t get it.
Pinkie Pie explained, trotting out of Applejack’s field of vision and over to a long metal table covered in various implements of torture,
Author: All four of the current Twilight movies, and a DVD copy of Batman and Robin!
RatherHomely: This is from Applejack's perspective, right? So how did Applejack know there was a long metal table if she couldn't actually see it?
Discord: Logic? Logic is for the weak, fool!
“I don’t choose who I harvest. Your numbers do.” she smiled. Applejack heard the sounds of metal on metal and a loud banging.
Rainbow: Deathklop was having a concert next door.
She struggled to see what the pink pony was doing, but her forehead was strapped down as well and she could not lift it more than an inch off the table.
“That’s sick!” Applejack spat.
Discord, Author and Rainbow: Ewwww!
Author: AJ, you know better then to spit at your murderous friends!
Pinkie whirled around, a glare on her face. Applejack cringed involuntarily. For all her battles and all the things she had seen, nothing had prepared her for the empty, blazing sapphire eyes of Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Discord: Not even reading all the stories in MPPT3K, in their original forms.
Author and Rainbow: (shutters)
“You didn’t think it was so sick when you were eating Dashie.” she growled. Applejack baulked, opening her mouth to retort but Pinkie continued unbidden “In fact I think you told me these were the best dern cupcakes Ah’ve ever tasted!” she said in a bad imitation of Applejack’s accent, tipping her hat for emphasis.
Author: Is this a step up or down from the organ puns?
Discord: Down... Definitely down.
Applejack shuddered as the memory filled her mind. She remembered the cupcakes. The cupcakes with the gorgeous rainbow swirled icing that Pinkie had served to her and the other girls. She had insisted they each get one since they were selling fast, “Rainbow Delights” she had called them.
Rainbow: Even as a desert, I was 20% cooler than the average cupcake.
The memory blazed in front of her eyes like a seedy horror film.
Author: Do they have movies in Equestria?
Discord: Mostly just Celestia propaganda.
Her stomach finally failing her, Applejack vomited onto the floor.
Pinkie Pie tsked, “Don’t be a spoil sport, AJ!” she bounced over to Applejack, careful to avoid the bile on the floor, “Look, I’ll forgive you for that nasty comment. Let’s play!”
Discord: ‘I’ll be the shoe, and you can be the iron. I’ll roll first!’
she snickered, any ill-will forgotten. Applejack swallowed the terrible taste of vomit and slime and returned her attention to the wild-eyed pony in front of her.
Rainbow: When did Molestia get here?
Pinkie had fixed herself with a pair of horseshoes that had a fitted hole that allowed non-magical ponies to hold tools when need be.
Author: Those must be invisible horseshoes, cuz you guys use tools all the time.
Rainbow: Oh yeah, but they’re really uncomfortable.
She had placed a large, industrial sized drill in the hole in her right front hoof. She leaned her head down and flipped the switch of the drill on with her mouth, it whirled into life. Applejack’s eyes widened.
The pink party pony stood on her hind-legs and placed her free leg on the metal table for balance. Applejack could feel the brush of the unicorn horns on her chest and her stomach twisted.
Discord: She had a deep seated fear of unicorns, but she never told Twilight or Rarity.
She gritted her teeth as Pinkie Pie leaned closer and placed the bit on the fetlock above Applejack’s hoof.
Rainbow: What’s a fetlock?
Author: It’s front door.
Discord and Rainbow: (groans)
The swirling metal caught her hair and she hissed as it was pulled from her skin, Pinkie ignored her and pushed harder into the tender flesh.
The orange earth pony clenched her eyes shut as Pinkie Pie forced the drill head into the tenderest area of the pony body.
Rainbow: Ouch, right in the friendshipendix.
Finally, the first layer of skin broke and spurt of blood splashed onto Pinkie’s face, staining it crimson. She grinned, her pearly white teeth gleaming against the splattered backdrop. Applejack bit the inside of her cheek, she would be damned if she screamed for this psycho, she was
Author: Harder, better, faster...
stronger than that.
“This is so much fun, AJ!” Pinkie giggled, licking at her cheek absentmindedly.
Pinkie Pie dug the drill into Applejack’s flesh, tearing apart the tendons holding her hoof to her foreleg. She could feel each individual muscle as it snapped and shredded beneath the twisting piece of machinery. She groaned from the pain
Discord: Of this story
. Suddenly, it ceased and Applejack opened her emerald eyes weakly, turning her head as best she could to assess the damage.
Her foreleg was in tatters. The mangled skin was pink and exposed, pieces of her tendons hanging off like string cheese. She could clearly see the white bone, the only thing keeping her hoof attached to her body.
Author: It’s just a flesh wound, I’ve had worse!
The pain was nearly unbearable, like lava was running through her veins.
Discord: I did that to a pony once, it did not turn out well.
Her vision obscured by tears, she turned to Pinkie Pie just in time to see her raise the back end of the drill and bring it down with all her strength on the uncovered bone.
The snap of her leg caused Applejack to shriek.
Rainbow: ‘WHY IS THIS FIC SO LONG!’
While the sound itself was loud, like the crack of lightning hitting a branch,
Author: Or sound of the audience loosing all the bucks they were giving.
it was nothing compared to what Applejack heard in her head. She heard her livelihood slipping away, she heard her family crying from hunger pangs, she heard her entire life coming to an end in one fell swoop.
Discord: Doesn’t Big Mac work at the farm too?
Author: Yes, but AJ’s a main character.
Discord: So?
Author:So... Shut up...
The sound of one leg snapping sounded like a hurricane
Author: Fluttershy.
in her brain and she lost herself completely. She began to sob.
“Oh, don’t cry Applejack!” Pinkie Pie cooed, patting her face with one of her blood-covered hoofs. “Nopony likes a whiner.”
Author: Or a psycho, but then again there are at least 20 Cupcakes sequels.
She tutted, pursing her lips before moving her attention to Applejack’s other foreleg. The drill once again buzzed awake and Pinkie Pie screwed up her face in concentration
Rainbow: ‘This last balloon must... be...perfect...’
as she buried the bit into Applejack’s uninjured fetlock.
Rainbow: Seriously, what’s a fetlock?
Discord: It’s locker? (slapped by Rainbow)
Author: Ha! For once I’m not the only one getting abused. (slapped by Rainbow)
Now without restraint, Applejack screamed. An earth-shattering sound that burned her lungs like fire, but Pinkie Pie seemed nonplussed. She was used to screaming.
Rainbow: She had catered sweet sixteen parties after all.
The party pony leaned backward and observed her handiwork. She prodded at some of the bare tendons before replicating her actions from the left foreleg on the right, positioning herself accordingly and slamming the blunt end of the drill into the bone, snapping it into pieces. The orange earth pony shrieked, attempting to tug her body away from the pain, only to find herself restrained by her leather bindings, victim to the whims of the psychotic pony before her.
Pinkie crawled off her and trotted over to the table filled with tools. She set to work removing the horseshoes and getting her next toys.
Author: Limited edition Luna and Celestia figures, with kung fu grip!
Applejack hung limply from her bindings, breathing heavily. Pinkie Pie could hear her crying weakly, her voice exhausted from screaming. She smiled to herself, oh how she loved to party with her friends!
Discord: Ok... Now I’m scared.
Author: Damn nature, you scary!
The pink-maned pony returned to Applejack and stood on her hind-legs, placing her front hooves on the crank next to the table. She turned it and Applejack felt the table jerk violently before slowly lowering into a horizontal position, leaving Applejack staring at the ceiling.
Rainbow: Where Pinkie left her all day, and she got bored to death. The End.
Pinkie Pie bounced over to her side, the wings on her macabre dress flapping uselessly. “This is tons of fun, Applejack!” she grinned, “I’m so glad it was you.” Applejack tried to meet her gaze, but she felt like crying. This was all too much to take.
Author: I mean, first Applebloom gets more episodes then her this season, and now this?!
Pinkie Pie had been her friend. Somepony who had treated her so well over the years and shared so many great memories with her. Somepony who had taught her to face her fears and giggle at the ghosties,
Rainbow: Yeah, has anypony noticed how Pinkie kept forgetting that herself?
but what did you do when that pony was the ghostie?
Author: Laugh in their face until they go away?
Discord: Shuffle?
Rainbow: Question the meaning of life?
Discord and Author: (look at Rainbow Dash)
Rainbow: What? Can’t I be a smarty pants for one day?
Pinkie Pie left no time for internal reflections, grabbing the handle of a shiny curved knife from a tiny wheeled medical tray next to the table in her mouth and placing it against Applejack’s flank, right below her cutie mark. The blade was cool against her coat, but it did nothing to sooth her anxieties.
Discord: It did, however, make a very handy mirror.
Applejack’s fur stood on end
Author: At least it didn’t lift off her head and fly away again.
as Pinkie pressed the blade into her side and drew it upward.
At first, she could barely feel the sting of pain. In fact, compared to the burn that continued in her useless forelegs, it was almost nonexistent. But soon the pink party pony deepened the pressure of the blade, dragging it against her flank and Applejack’s skin began to roll upward, coiling like a piece of cheese being sliced off a block, revealing the soft pink muscle beneath. She set the knife down and placed her teeth on the skin, tearing it clean off her body.
Author: (throws up in a bucket)
Discord: You might want to keep that handy
Rainbow: Yeah... (gags)
Applejack choked, too shocked to even scream.
Suddenly, oxygen hit the uncovered muscle
Author: With a powerful uppercut, but muscle counter attacks with a right hook!
Rainbow: This is the fight of the century folks!
and blood began to rise to the surface, dripping down her sides and pooling on the table beneath her. It was sticky and warm, like sitting in maple syrup.
Discord: Very painful maple syrup
The blood saturated her fur and tail, dripping off onto the floor. Pinkie ignored the mess,
Rainbow: Phhhft, typical Pinkie.
leaning down to pick up the now blood-covered blade in her mouth and trotting over to the other side of the table. This time, she was less ceremonious.
Author: Much like the way Chrysalis was booted out of Canterlot. (high five’s Discord)
Spitting out the knife with a clatter, she stood on her hind-legs and picked it back up in her fore-hoof, looming over Applejack like a nightmare come to life.
Discord: You know, that’s actually the tamest description we’ve gotten so far.
She began to hack away at Applejack’s right flank, taking out a huge chunk of it. Even in her ferocity, she was careful not to damage the coveted cutie mark.
Author: My precious! We wants it, we needs the cutie mark!
A shriek topping all others ripped from Applejack’s lungs, tearing her throat to pieces. Pinkie Pie slashed her flank, blood spurting like a fountain, covering her and her helpless friend in a coppery mess. Applejack sobbed as Pinkie ripped away the hunk of her flank adorned with her cutie mark, her identity.
Rainbow: Now she can never open a bank account.
Author: Pony identity theft, the most common crime in Equestria.
The pink pony lifted the slab of meat to her lips, painstakingly avoiding any harm to her precious cutie mark (it would be needed for her dress, of course) and took a tentative bite.
Discord: Where have I seen this before?
Author: Cupcakes?
Discord: Oh yeah...
She chewed thoughtfully before swallowing with gusto, she grinned. “Yummy!” Pinkie said in a sing-song voice, “Try some AJ!”
Author: You actually taste like apples!
Sweetie Belle:Oh come on!
Rainbow:How did she get in here?
Author: I don’t know...
she ripped another portion off of the piece of flank in her hoof and pressed it to Applejack’s lips.
The orange pony tried to turn her head away, but was bound by the straps holding her forehead in place. Her tormentor pushed the meat to her lips and she tried desperately to keep her mouth shut, but she was far too weak to fend off the pink pony’s advances. Pinkie manipulated the chunk of her own meat into her mouth and Applejack tasted sinew and copper on her tongue. She began to wretch,
Author: Her sink pipes close.
but in her horizontal position, her vomit had nowhere to go. She began to choke on her own excrement, coughing violently until the bile dribbled down the sides of her face and into her mane.
Discord: Wonder if Rarity would say that’s the WORST. POSSIBLE. HAIR DAY!
Her tears ran anew down the sides of her face.
Discord:Run tears! Run far away from this fan fic!
Pinkie Pie glared at her, blue eyes flashing. “That wasn’t very nice, Applejack.” she pouted, “Have I ever turned down any of your treats when I come to your house?
Rainbow: ‘I mean, not counting the time you made rainbow colored cupcakes... Recipe theft’
Noooo.” the pink pony huffed in displeasure and grabbed a large canister from the metal tray. “It’s kind of like throwing salt in my wounds.” She giggled maniacally, tugging open the tab on the top of the container with the tip of her hoof.
Applejack was too dizzy from loss of blood and vomiting to see Pinkie Pie properly or read the label of the canister in her hooves. It wasn’t until the first flecks of white powder hit the exposed muscle on her flanks that she understood Pinkie’s terrible jokes.
Discord: The second stop on the ESS Puntanic, injury jokes. No flash photography please.
She started screaming before she even realized what Pinkie Pie had poured into her wounds.
Author: Really? The joke was so bad that AJ didn’t even think it might be salt?
It burned like liquid fire on her tender flesh and Applejack convulsed. Pinkie rubbed the salt into Applejack’s bare flank and the orange earth pony bucked upward, gurgling. She twisted her waist unnaturally,
Rainbow: Well, she was the Ponyville Limbo chap four years running
practically unhinging her hips from the sockets if only to get away from the pain for a split-second. Unfortunately, her movements only served to cause more damage to her already tattered forelegs and injured hips, rubbed raw against her bindings.
Emotionally exhausted and physically spent, Applejack began to feel incredibly lightheaded from blood loss.
Author: Maybe she needs Five-hour energy?
The initial adrenaline rush that came with discovering herself kidnapped and beginning a horrific torture was beginning to fail her as she drifted into unconsciousness.
Discord: Did Applejack just get bored of her own murder?
She was positive she was dying. She willed her goodbyes to the world as she ceased struggling.
Finally, she passed out.
- 0 -
Author: Well, I think this is a good time for a break. Agree?
Discord and Rainbow: Buck yes!
Rainbow: So Discord, how did you get out of your statue?
Discord: Well, it seems that Pinkie and you forced so many pranks on the Author and other ponies, that it counted as enough chaos to set me free.
Author: Huh... So this is all Pinkie’s fault?
Discord: A little, it doesn’t help that there are so many people encouraging it.
Rainbow: What do you mean?
Discord: Well look out there. (points to the reader just as...)
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got story sign!
A rather strong smell underneath her nostrils caused Applejack to moan in discomfort.
Author: ‘Who’s cooking bacon?’
It smelled like fire and overcooked meat.
Author: Hey, I was right.
Her nose wrinkled and slowly opened her eyes. She was staring at the dingy, cracked ceiling of Pinkie Pie’s horror dungeon. She felt the tears spring to her eyes almost immediately. She hadn’t died. She was still trapped in this nightmare and it was never going to end…
All: We feel your pain
The pain came back all at once, though it was now more of a dull blaze than a full-on inferno. She leaned her head up as best she could, looking around for the source of the smell. It was in the reflection of the metal tray next to the table that she saw it.
Rainbow: The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well having a tea party with the Wonderbolts.
Author: Someone write that fic, now!
Her flanks were bubbling and black, like the top of an overcooked apple pie crust. The skin was broken and blistered, but the bleeding had stopped.
The smell was her.
Author: Aj had horrible BO.
Rainbow: Was that a pun?
Author: Um... Yes? I think.
“P—Pinkie Pie! What did you do to me?”
Discord: ‘M’ah short term memory loss it kickin’ in... What day is it again?’
she stuttered, her eyes fixated on the terrible sight reflected poorly in the flickering light of the basement. It looked like someone has slathered tar all over her hips and left it out in the sun for too long. The pain was excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the pure horror of actually seeing her pulverized skin, blacker than Princess Luna’s night.
Author: Don’t know if that’s an insult or a compliment...
“I fixed you.”
Author: Gentlecolts, we can rebuild her. We have the technology...
Pinkie Pie explained, placing the hot poker back into the stove on the other side of the basement and trotting back over to her table to set to work on removing the horseshoes she had put on to handle the red-hot metal, “Did you think I would let a little blood loss ruin our fun? We’re not done playing yet, Applejack!”
Discord: I still have Yahtzee
she giggled, the second horseshoe falling to the table with a clatter. “Let’s keep having fun!”
Applejack cringed as Pinkie Pie’s laughter filled her ears. Since her time in this basement-dungeon it had begun to sound less like the laughter of a filly who’s had too much sugar and much more like a huge army of crows, circling their prey.
Rainbow: So... Twilight after she went crazy.
Pinkie Pie ran her hoof across the brim of Applejack’s now blood-spattered hat and grabbed a large syringe.
Author: So, Pinkie’s the Medic now?
She tapped it delicately against her hoof to release air bubbles and returned to Applejack’s side. The orange pony strained to see what Pinkie Pie was doing.
Discord: Turns out it was the waltz.
She positioned the needle at a vein in Applejack’s neck and promptly stabbed, “This numbs you a little.” she explained, pushing the stopper until it the clear serum drained completely, “I don’t want you napping again and missing the fun!” Pinkie Pie chortled, placing the now empty syringe on the metal tray of torture implements, wheeling it out of the way.
The effects of the drug were nearly immediate.
Author: Please don’t turn this into Twi-Dye Sparkle
Rainbow: I can taste the sun!
Applejack felt her body relax completely and the pain fade away into total numbness from the neck down. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or frightened, but one look at Pinkie’s maniacal grin told her the latter.
Rainbow: Never trust a smiling Pinkie Pie, especially with cake.
She opened her mouth to mouth to speak, but Pinkie placed a hoof to her lips and grinned, “Shh! Don’t try guessing, you’ll spoil it!”
Discord: I won’t tell you what your birthday present is, you silly filly.
she admonished, tsking her abused friend.
The pink earth pony glanced at her mouth, “You know, I wonder if your tongue is why you speak funny.”
Author: Ok, it’s official. This guy hates Applejack.
she said suddenly, her voice contemplative. Rainbow Dash had always accused Pinkie Pie of being random, but never had her impulsiveness been so destructive.
Rainbow: You’re kidding me right? Even I know she’s a pony wrecking ball.
Applejack felt a new wave of terror wash over her as she watched as Pinkie Pie escape her vision once more, only to return with a huge pair of scissors in her hooves.
She loomed over the helpless Applejack, prying her mouth open roughly and tugging her tongue out as best she could manage with her free hoof. “Pnkghrah!”
Discord: Yeah, I hate taxes too.
Author: That’s what she said?
Discord: (nods) It was either that, or ‘OH DEAR CELESTIA DON’T!’
Applejack gurgled her protests, unable to form words properly with Pinkie clenching her tongue. She positioned the opened scissors around the wiggling muscle and returned both hooves to the handles, forcing them closed on Applejack’s tongue with a terrible squishy snap.
Author: Well, we know the cat doesn’t have her...
Rainbow: Finish that lame joke, and I’ll hit you so hard it’ll feel like a Sonic Rainboom.
The orange earth pony could only focus on the pain in her tongue,
Discord: Or lack there of.
the rest of her body having been numbed by Pinkie’s mysterious drug. The pain was white-hot and searing, and it consumed every fiber of her being. She crumbled beneath her former friend like an autumn leaf, sobbing uncontrollably.
Author: She saw a double rainbow at the same time Pinkie was cuting.
Soon, blood began to fill Applejack’s mouth and she coughed as she struggled for air. Pinkie Pie frowned, placing the detached tongue and scissors on the metal tray.
Rainbow: She’d make a ‘speaking out of your flank’ joke later.
Author: Oh, you can get away with that but I can’t say my joke.
Discord and Rainbow: Nope.
She trotted over to the oven and wrapped a thick cloth around her hoof. Selecting a flat metal poker, smaller than the one she had used to cauterize Applejack’s flanks, she thrust it into the heat. Pinkie Pie pulled the rod out, its end glowing brighter than Princess Celestia’s phoenix and came back over to her friend. Without warning, she pressed the poker to Applejack’s mangled tongue.
Applejack screamed as her flesh sizzled and bubbled beneath the red-hot iron.
Author: Wait, wait, I thought she burnt the cut off part.
Discord: Context story, give us some context.
The smell of burnt flesh once again assaulted her olfactory senses and she fought the urge to vomit, her mouth could not really handle any more abuse.
Author: That’s what she said. (slapped by Discord and Rainbow)
Pinkie Pie smiled jovially, “You’re welcome.” she told her as she removed the metal poker and returned it to the oven. She went back to Applejack and turned her head, allowing the blood to drain from her mouth and down her cheek before returning it to an upright position.
Author: Sorry story, already used the airline joke.
“I know you didn’t want to miss the best part!” she reassured her.
Discord: We’re almost at the part where Dazzler yells, ‘Get in my van!’
Pinkie Pie picked up Applejack’s tongue and observed it, “Huh, this looks just like mine. Weird.” She laughed and placed the end of the tongue in her mouth and tried to blow a raspberry with it; it made a loud, wet noise, much like the sound of mud squishing beneath hooves on a rainy day. Applejack sobbed like a newborn filly.
Rainbow: Wow... This author hates AJ more then Big Mac hates full sentences.
“Don’t be sad,” Pinkie pouted, whapping Applejack on the head reassuringly with her own mutilated tongue. “It’s time for the big finale!”
Author: ‘Vinyl’s even going to use her Bass Cannon!’
she giggled. Pinkie Pie danced around the dungeon with Applejack’s tongue in her fore-hooves, playing her disfigured partner. Applejack heard her hooves clacking against the concrete as Pinkie performed a jig not unlike the ones Applejack used to find adorably endearing.
Discord: Unless it was during the Evil Enchantress song. Everpony dances to that one.
Author: Even Zecora?
Discord: Especially Zecora.
“That Pinkie Pie, she’s so random”she would think to herself. Now, the thought of her being delighted filled Applejack with dread.
The soft whir of a circular saw confirmed Applejack’s worst fears.
Author: Pinkie was going to reenact all of Evil Dead 2.
As Pinkie Pie returned to her side, she knew her last moments were upon her. Her brain told her body to squirm, to pull away, but it was hopelessly numb against her bindings. She grit her teeth and resigned herself to her terrible fate.
Rainbow: And then Pinkie yelled ‘Surprise!’ and it was all a prank.
Pinkie Pie brought the saw down on the orange earth pony’s stomach, cutting from just below the breastbone to the top of the pelvis. Applejack watched in abject horror as the pony she had once considered one of her best friends
Discord: Cherilee?
drove the blade into her flesh, blood splattering her face and fore-legs. The saw-blade hit Applejack’s sternum and sputtered to a halt when it met with resistance, but Pinkie Pie was not to be deterred from the task at hand. Knitting her brow
Author: I didn’t know Pinkie could knit.
Rainbow: Well, she does make these awesome hats for us on Hearts Warming Day.
in concentration, she bore all her weight down on the body of the saw, cracking the bone into pieces.
The pink earth pony eagerly flicked the saw off and set it on the long table in the corner. She rushed back to Applejack’s side excitedly. Placing hooves on one of the flaps on Applejack’s skin, she pulled it open to reveal
Discord: The Great and Powerful Trixie’s Stage Show!
the inner-workings of the honest earth pony. She quickly ran to the other side of the table and tugged the other loose flap open as well. Pinkie Pie observed her friend’s innards with a grin on her face. Her blue eyes glinted in the dank light of the basement like crystal.
Author: Or maybe that was the author thinking about killing Applejack.
Rainbow: Wouldn’t doubt it.
Pinkie grabbed a large, intimidating pair of forceps from the metal tray
Author: The forceps name was Hans, and it was a bodybuilder in its spare time.
at her side and placed the closed ends in between the fracture-line in Applejack’s sternum. She placed one hoof on each of the handles and with an audible grunt of effort, opened the forceps. The bone split apart like the shell of a nut, exposing Applejack’s organs.
The party pony tossed the forceps over her shoulder unceremoniously; they hit the floor with a clatter.
Rainbow: And were never heard from again...
The sickening smile she wore spread wider, if that was at all possible,
Discord: Knowing Pinkie, it was.
and she reached directly into Applejack’s chest cavity, tugging out her stomach. “Check it out, AJ!”
Author: Ok, here it comes. (puts on a helmet) You guys ready?
Discord: (cracks his knuckles) Let’s do this!
Rainbow: YEEEAH!!!
she showed the honest pony her organ, shaking it so that Applejack could hear what little there was inside, seeing as she had vomited most of it up already, “I guess you can’t stomach me.” Pinkie snorted.
Discord: As we reach the last leg of our journey on the ESS Puntanic, I remind you that there are no refunds.
Author: Damn it!
Her tormentor placed her stomach down on the metal tray next to the table and plunged her fore-legs back into Applejack’s open chest cavity. “Hey AJ, what do you think I should call your desert?” Pinkie Pie mused as she began tugging out Applejack’s intestines, grunting with effort as they uncoiled, tossing them over her shoulder like Hearths and Hooves Day Lights.
Author: He got the holidays mixed up.
Discord: Who cares? It’s almost over!
“I was thinking Apple Dandies. Or maybe Dandy-Jacks? What do you think? Apple Dandies? Dandy-Jacks? Apple Dandies? Dandy-Jacks? Apple Dandies? Dandy-Jacks? Apple Dandy Jacks?”
Author: ‘Or maybe I should make a cereal out of them, and try to make them not taste like apples?’
The entire time she spoke, Pinkie Pie continued to remove Applejack’s organs one by one. The orange earth pony watched in tormented silence as the crazed baker extracted her liver, kidneys, appendix, and finally Pinkie began playing with her still-beating heart.
Rainbow: Wait wait wait... I had to endure the endless puns before I died, and AJ gets peace and quiet?! What’s up with that?
Author: Maybe this author has more respect for the dead...
Discord, Rainbow, and Author: (Pause... Then laughter)
Discord: Yeah (snorting laughter) and I’m Luna is disguse!
An unlikely calm began to wash over Applejack as the pink party pony reached for her discarded scissors. The end was finally upon her. Torture no more.
Author: Unless you read the rest of the story.
She closed her eyes and accepted her fate willingly as Pinkie Pie began to snip away at her aorta. Finally, Applejack faded into unconsciousness as her blood seeped from her wound and into her empty chest cavity.
Pinkie Pie sang a song to herself.
Author: (singing) I’m not a fan of puppeteers, but have a nagging fear. Someone else is pulling at the strings...
Rainbow: Nah, knowing Pinkie it was Smile Smile Smile.
Author: (shutters) Now that’s a bit creepy...
- 0 -
The Apple Dandies sold even better than the Rainbow Delights had.
Rainbow: I’ll let AJ win this one.
They were a simpler recipe than her cupcakes, sugar cookies with just a hint of apple bits in them. Everypony loved the unique texture of Pinkie Pie’s newest confection
Author: Except for Flim and Flam, they thought they could make better ones.
and sang their praises to the chef. Pinkie glowed brighter with each compliment
Discord: ‘Your praise give me power! Feed me mindless masses!’
, saying it was all in the ingredients.
A few days after Applejack had left for Sugarcube Corner, a letter was delivered to the Apple Family’s doorstep. It seemed that Braeburn had contacted Applejack without their prior knowledge and begged for her help in harvesting a crop of zap apples out in the country.
Author: But not before explaining that the apples were in AAAAAAAPPLELOOSA!
She would be gone indefinitely. She promised to write. Granny Smith found the entire thing utterly suspicious, but was dismissed.
Rainbow: Then again, she was yelling about how Sweetie Belle was a robot right before.
A few months later, a young pony named Featherweight got a call from Ms. Pinkie Pie asking if he would do her the honor of assisting her in a little bit of baking on the upcoming weekend afternoon. The alabaster colt was delighted.
Author: He had no idea who this Ms. Pinkie Pie was, but he just wanted another episode before Season 2 was over.
And so life in Ponyville continued…
Discord: Unless you were Applejack, or Rainbow Dash, or Gilda, or Twist.
END
Pinkie: (from the TV) Well, what did you think?
Author: It was... interesting. Better written then some of the other fics we’ve riffed...
Rainbow: It was horrible! AJ got off easy! I had to hear every... last... pun... (shutters)
Discord: Well, I thought it was pretty good.
Author: That reminds me, how did you know all those human world references?
Discord: I’m Discord, that’s how.
Author: Seems Legit... Now what?
Pinkie: (from the TV) Well, we could do another one.
Discord: (turns to stone instantly)
Author: Well... Why not! (the door unlocks and they run out)