Dragon of the Eclipse (Chapter 1)
~Riffed by Muleicous and Super_Big_Mac~
Mac (Typing at computer): “Daring held her lover close as the walls closed in, the imminent death counteracted by the loving kiss they shared, each second bringing death, and their hearts, closer.”
Pinkie: Hey, whatcha doin’?
Mac: Oh, heya, Pinkie. I’m writing a scene idea I might use in my fic ‘The Plot Device Shop’. It’s a great idea I feverishly thought up during a fit of the 6 am giggles.
Pinkie: Yeah, why’re you typing it on Author’s computer, though? It’d be much easier to keep a secret if you didn’t use his computer.
Mac: Hm... I guess you’re right, Pinkie. What’s the riff we’re doing today, then?
Pinkie: Right! Just a sec! (Jumps into an envelope and shoves herself into the disk slot on the computer, popping out inside the Control Room)
Pinkie (from TV): Alrighty rosy, let’s get this show on the road! (Pulls a lever, and the wall opens to reveal another room exactly like the one Mac is sitting in)
Mac: Uhh...
(Mule waves impatiently at Mac to join him and Fluttershy)
Mule: So... ‘bringing death, and their hearts, closer.’ You’re going with that?
Mac: And why not?
Mule: No reason (cough) sappy as hell (cough).
Fluttershy: So... Um, Pinkie Pie?
Pinkie (from TV): Yes, Fluttershy?
Shy: Um... S-so what’s today’s riff? A-and why am I here?
Pinkie (from TV): Oh, that’s easy! The riff you three will be doing is a story called Dragon of the Eclipse!
Fluttershy (from beneath the desk): D-d-d-dragon?
Pinkie (from TV): Oh, don’t worry, Fluttershy! This dragon’s nothing to be scared about!
Fluttershy (still unsure): O-okay...
Mule: We’ll protect you Fluttershy.
Mac: Yeah, don’t worry.
Fluttershy: I-I’m feeling worse...
(BUZZ)
All: Story Sign!!!
[[Dragon of the Eclipse - Unriffed here]]
Chapter 1
The Colt and the Poster
To some, the Everfree forest was a foreboding and dangerous environment.
Mac: To others, it’s a viable plot point for some tragic thing that doesn’t want to bite you.
Fluttershy: Oh, so this isn’t a retelling of ‘New Moon’?
Mule: We wouldn’t be that lucky.
Obviously, Twilight Sparkle was not one of the some.
Mac: No, she was one of the Few, they’re a warrior race that have fought against Aku in the decades since the final puppeteer laid waste to the lands of Gildedale and poisoned the waters of the Mantralark- (Mule smacks Mac in the back of the head)
Mule: Can you spin your stories elsewhere? I’d like to go home sooner, rather than later.
For a young and powerful unicorn such as herself,
Fluttershy: Trixie?
Mule: Nah, she’s an old nag, we’re talking about a young unicorn.
Mac: My money’s on it being Dinky Doo.
the otherworldly creatures and magical substances
Mac: Like-- (pantomimes knocking back a shot) --Smokey McJokies!
Mule:... I’ll explain what you got wrong there later.
were enough to spark her interest.
Tonight, the purple unicorn was seeking an ingredient for a potion she wanted to try.
Mac: She had the Nether Wart, but still needed some Fermented Spider Eyes.
Mule: I think you mean Fermented SPIDERSES Eyes.
Spike, her assistant,
Mac: As opposed to Thorn, her slave,
had taken ill and while it would go away sooner or later, the potion would speed up the healing process immensely.
Mule: (singing) Exposition, exposition, It’s a dump about the plot!
It would have been relatively easy to make a healing potion for a pony, but a dragon, particularly a baby dragon, was a different story.
Fluttershy: Could we read that one instead, then? Please?
The potion requires a very specific amount of assorted gems and other ingredients one can’t find over the counter. The last ingredient was a single red mushroom with white spots; the amanita muscaria. It’s often found inside old bricks or dark environments. The Everfree forest was a heavily shaded forest, perfect for the mushroom she was after.
“This place has really grown on me,” Twilight said to herself.
Mac: “Just look at all the mushrooms attached to my skin!”
“It seems like yesterday that Pinkie Pie was singing that silly song. How did it go? Hm hm hmm hm hmmhmm…” her humming was the only thing that could be heard.
Mule: Equestria’s in a vacuum after all.
“It’s good that the storm finally cleared up. Spike really needs this-”
Mac: We need a medic, stat! This sentence was cut off from the waist down!
then, a strange sight caught Twilight’s eye. Scraps of blue cloth littered the forest floor. They were elegantly embroidered with patterns of the moon and stars. “Rarity would have a fit if she saw cloth of this caliber all torn up like this.” Upon closer inspection, Twilight could see the scraps of cloth created a path. Curiosity overcame her cautious nature,
Fluttershy (giggling): Twilight? Cautious? Oh! I-I’m sorry! (hides behind Mule)
and she followed the path without hesitation. What lay at the end of the path…
Mac: A Twixie fic?
Fluttershy: A failed experiment?
Mule: A Not My Destiny sequel?
Fluttershy: ... Isn’t that what I said?
“Oh my goddesses...” Twilight gaped. A midnight blue colored colt with unkempt hair and a slightly larger than average body,
Mule: Rule 63 Luna?
was laying on the ground, covered in grass, twigs and… blood. Lots and lots of blood.
Mac: So much blood, in fact, that it was a river of blood.
Fluttershy: Oh my... It’s horrible, but looks pretty in the sunset...
Mac: Yeah, and you can donate there whenever you want at its blood banks! (Mule hits Mac as Fluttershy sighs)
She crept closer, to see if he was still breathing. That’s when she noticed his wings. He’s a Pegasus, she thought. But there was something wrong… The wings weren’t feathered. They were leathery. Like… "Dragon wings? His tail, it’s got scales!"
"How is that-”
Mule: Go home story, your grammar’s drunk.
The colt coughed, making Twilight lose her thought.
Fluttershy: “Oh... drat! That was such a good thought, too! With a lot of... um... books? In it?”
Mac: You’re getting better, Fluttershy! Stop being so passive aggressive. She’s not the real Twilight, so go ahead and let her have it!
Fluttershy: O-okay.
He was spitting up more blood. He stirred a little
Mac: water into the batter. Then, he beat his eggs.
(Mule groans and Fluttershy squeaks, blushing)
. He was still conscious.
“Augh…” He groaned in intense pain. He slowly opened his eyes to reveal his irises. They were green slits, also like a dragon’s. He looked at Twilight. “Who are you?”
She managed to swallow her surprise and respond. “I’m Twilight.”
“Hi, Twilight. My name is Cerberus.” The dragon colt named Cerberus continued to hack and cough.
Mule: Wait... Dragon colt, with a weird name that’s tied to mythology? Mac, are your Mary Sue senses tingling?
Mac: Mule, my senses were tingling back when he opened his eyes and, while half dead from blood loss, was able to form more than one coherent word.
Fluttershy: He definitely is talking more than somepony... er, somedrake? Um... he- he needs medical help, not more talking.
“You’re hurt really bad, Cerberus. You need help. I’ll be right back. Stay here.”
Mac: “No really. You can tell. I talk odd. Like a robot. See look. You stay. I’ll be back.”
“I don’t have many other options,” he rasped.
Fluttershy: “I could only choose between ‘staying here’ and ‘selling my soul,’ so the first one seemed the better plan.”
Cerberus continued to ebb in and out of consciousness. He remembered a bright pink filly shouting something about cupcakes, and a zebra, of all things, chanting in a cryptic language. He also recalled being fed something incredibly coarse in texture, but he felt better after he swallowed it, so he greedily gulped it down.
Mac: Wow, even the author got tired of the exposition. Look at how fast that went by.
Mule: Faster than Rainbow Dash.
Dash (from the TV): Hey!
“The remedy worked like a charm. In a matter of days, there will be no marks of harm.”
Fluttershy: “Now go get me a sock and some soap. I’d give him worse lashings, but I have not a rope.”
Mac (clapping his hands): Woo, Fluttershy, you’re doing it! Keep it up!
(Fluttershy blushes, hiding behind her mane as she shifts a bit)
Fluttershy: I-it was nothing, really...
Cerberus’ vision slowly came back into focus, and the first feeling to strike him was confusion.
Mac: The second one was Water Gun.
He was lying
Fluttershy: To his parents about the gem jar. He didn’t take that emerald!
on a bed of hay with a fur blanket. How had he gotten there?
Mac: That’s how I feel after following a MapQuest map. I once went all the way from my house to the state border and back, because MapQuest couldn’t think of an easier course through the town that wasn’t full of construction. I was still stuck in traffic for three hours.
Why was he in a wooden hut, instead of a cement cell, or dead?
Mac: The pony-devil would be in a tizzy if he didn’t die soon!
He groaned in pain as he looked around at all the strange masks. Why was he so sore? Then, everything came back to him.
Mac: The universe was pulled into the black abyss that was his heart so quickly that it snapped back out, just a great cloud of carbon, hydrogen, and-
Mule: Stop right there! You’ve already blown up the universe! Twice!
Cerberus remembered encountering the one he feared the most, seeing it beat down his sister as if she were nothing more than a mosquito,
Fluttershy: Well, she was bugging me...
Mule: Was... Was that a pun Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: Yes... um, was it good?
Mule: Better than Author’s.
and summoning the courage to confront it. Then he remembered the feeling of weightlessness as he was tossed aside, falling from a great height, seeing his companion
Mac: Cube
s, and all of hope of achieving his goal, disappear.
Fluttershy: The hope for my goal is disappearing, too. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry this time.
Mac: Why are you going to cry?
Fluttershy: Because... That grammar is terrible. Can anyone else taste rainbow-extract and vanilla frosting?
Mule: Well, first you tie Rainbow Dash to a table, then you- (slapped by Fluttershy softly) Um... ouch?
Now he was struck by sheer panic. He survived the fall, but what happened to the others? He catapulted himself from his bed, only to see the face of a purple unicorn frozen in shock.
Mac: You could say she was.... Thunderstruck!
Mule: Noo....
Mac: In fact, she’s as coooold as ice!
Fluttershy: (whimper) Make it stop...
“You’re awake!” she said.
Cerberus was terrified at this moment. He realized that he was totally exposed.
Mule: And hello clopfic!
(Mac waves and bows dramatically as someone hits up a wolf-whistle and canned applause)
This unicorn could see Cerberus’ dragon wings and tail.
Fluttershy: Cerberus did not enjoy showing off his wings; they did little to help him work the textile plants.
This did not bode well. He locked his eyes with the Unicorn’s. “What the hell happened?! Where am I?!”
Fluttershy: You’re in a tree. In the Everfree Forest.
Mac: I don’t think that he and you ever do the down and dirty in the Everfree, Fluttershy.
Mule: Yeah, you strike me as more of an in bed only kind of girl.
Fluttershy: (squee) What?!
Mac: (slaps Mule) Good job.
“Calm down. I’m not going to harm you.”
Mule: ‘I’m just gonna suck your soul out with a bendy straw.’
Mac: Oooh, they still make those? I thought they’d been pulled from stores or something.
“Get away from me!” Cerberus spread his wings, creating a shockwave.
Mac: Gary Stu counter, anyone?
Fluttershy: Umm, 2 or 3, by now...
Mac: Awesome.
Paintings, ornaments and other decorations fell to the ground. He got a running start and launched himself toward the open door. It slammed shut, resulting in a loud crashing noise, and a much unwanted headache.
Twilight was responsible for that headache, having closed the door with her horn.
Fluttershy: She should have used her hooves. Doors must hurt when you slam your horn into them.
“Sorry for that, Cerberus.”
“Urgh… wait, how- y-you know my n-name?” asked Cerberus as he recovered from his crash, fearfully looking at the strange unicorn.
“Don’t you remember? I found you in the woods. You were pretty beat up…. Okay, you were on the verge of death, but I said I’d find help, and I did!”
Mac: Traumatic, blunt honesty and blunt force trauma. They always go hoof in hoof.
“Would a ‘thank you’ be enough for you to let me leave? I have important matters to attend to.”
Twilight shook her head. “No can do. You’re not fully healed yet.”
Cerberus groaned in frustration
(All groan, frustrated)
Fluttershy: There’s no period there.
Mac: I think that all the periods were stolen. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Mule: I blame Carmen San Diego!
Fluttershy: Why would a famous detective steal something?
Mac: He said Carmen San Diego, not Caramel Stantigo.
Fluttershy: Ohh... Okay.
Mac: Oooh, now I feel bad!
“Well, can you at least tell me what time it is?”
Mac: Iiiiiiit’s..... ADVENTURE TIME!
Mule: (puts on Fin hat)
“Why do you- um, it’s high noon, I think.”
Another groan. “Okay. I’m stuck.” Cerberus took a long breath. He forced a smile, knowing that at least he was alive, and this unicorn didn’t seem offset by his unusual wings and tail. “So, Miss…”
“Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle.” The unicorn returned Cerberus’ smile.
Fluttershy: As she did so, she said: “No fangs, I’m good.”
(Mac pats Fluttershy on the head, chuckling.)
Mac: You’re almost better than me.
Mule: And now I’m afraid.
(Mac pats Mule on the head, chuckling.)
Mac: You should be.
“Yes, I think I remember you now. Are you responsible for healing me?”
“Actually, no. It was my zebra friend Zecora.
Mac: “As opposed to my Zebra slave, Zircon.”
She made a stew that heals mortal wounds.
Mac: “God’s Wounds, on the other hoof, is just a figure of speech.”
She just left, actually. You can thank her when she gets back. Oh, there were also Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy - they’re Pegasai - they carried you here. Then there’s Pinky Pie-”
All (Including Pinkie Pie [from TV]): Pinkie Pie!
Twilight would have finished that sentence if a pink Earthwalker didn’t
Mac: eat it first.
barge through the closed door with a tray of pastries on her back. “WHO WANTS CUPCAKES!?”
All: AAAGGHHH!!!!!!
Mac: Okay, that was too scary! I think we need to take a break!
Fluttershy (from beneath the floor): Y-yes, please...
Pinkie: Hey, whatcha doin’?
Mac: Oh, heya, Pinkie. I’m writing a scene idea I might use in my fic ‘The Plot Device Shop’. It’s a great idea I feverishly thought up during a fit of the 6 am giggles.
Pinkie: Yeah, why’re you typing it on Author’s computer, though? It’d be much easier to keep a secret if you didn’t use his computer.
Mac: Hm... I guess you’re right, Pinkie. What’s the riff we’re doing today, then?
Pinkie: Right! Just a sec! (Jumps into an envelope and shoves herself into the disk slot on the computer, popping out inside the Control Room)
Pinkie (from TV): Alrighty rosy, let’s get this show on the road! (Pulls a lever, and the wall opens to reveal another room exactly like the one Mac is sitting in)
Mac: Uhh...
(Mule waves impatiently at Mac to join him and Fluttershy)
Mule: So... ‘bringing death, and their hearts, closer.’ You’re going with that?
Mac: And why not?
Mule: No reason (cough) sappy as hell (cough).
Fluttershy: So... Um, Pinkie Pie?
Pinkie (from TV): Yes, Fluttershy?
Shy: Um... S-so what’s today’s riff? A-and why am I here?
Pinkie (from TV): Oh, that’s easy! The riff you three will be doing is a story called Dragon of the Eclipse!
Fluttershy (from beneath the desk): D-d-d-dragon?
Pinkie (from TV): Oh, don’t worry, Fluttershy! This dragon’s nothing to be scared about!
Fluttershy (still unsure): O-okay...
Mule: We’ll protect you Fluttershy.
Mac: Yeah, don’t worry.
Fluttershy: I-I’m feeling worse...
(BUZZ)
All: Story Sign!!!
[[Dragon of the Eclipse - Unriffed here]]
Chapter 1
The Colt and the Poster
To some, the Everfree forest was a foreboding and dangerous environment.
Mac: To others, it’s a viable plot point for some tragic thing that doesn’t want to bite you.
Fluttershy: Oh, so this isn’t a retelling of ‘New Moon’?
Mule: We wouldn’t be that lucky.
Obviously, Twilight Sparkle was not one of the some.
Mac: No, she was one of the Few, they’re a warrior race that have fought against Aku in the decades since the final puppeteer laid waste to the lands of Gildedale and poisoned the waters of the Mantralark- (Mule smacks Mac in the back of the head)
Mule: Can you spin your stories elsewhere? I’d like to go home sooner, rather than later.
For a young and powerful unicorn such as herself,
Fluttershy: Trixie?
Mule: Nah, she’s an old nag, we’re talking about a young unicorn.
Mac: My money’s on it being Dinky Doo.
the otherworldly creatures and magical substances
Mac: Like-- (pantomimes knocking back a shot) --Smokey McJokies!
Mule:... I’ll explain what you got wrong there later.
were enough to spark her interest.
Tonight, the purple unicorn was seeking an ingredient for a potion she wanted to try.
Mac: She had the Nether Wart, but still needed some Fermented Spider Eyes.
Mule: I think you mean Fermented SPIDERSES Eyes.
Spike, her assistant,
Mac: As opposed to Thorn, her slave,
had taken ill and while it would go away sooner or later, the potion would speed up the healing process immensely.
Mule: (singing) Exposition, exposition, It’s a dump about the plot!
It would have been relatively easy to make a healing potion for a pony, but a dragon, particularly a baby dragon, was a different story.
Fluttershy: Could we read that one instead, then? Please?
The potion requires a very specific amount of assorted gems and other ingredients one can’t find over the counter. The last ingredient was a single red mushroom with white spots; the amanita muscaria. It’s often found inside old bricks or dark environments. The Everfree forest was a heavily shaded forest, perfect for the mushroom she was after.
“This place has really grown on me,” Twilight said to herself.
Mac: “Just look at all the mushrooms attached to my skin!”
“It seems like yesterday that Pinkie Pie was singing that silly song. How did it go? Hm hm hmm hm hmmhmm…” her humming was the only thing that could be heard.
Mule: Equestria’s in a vacuum after all.
“It’s good that the storm finally cleared up. Spike really needs this-”
Mac: We need a medic, stat! This sentence was cut off from the waist down!
then, a strange sight caught Twilight’s eye. Scraps of blue cloth littered the forest floor. They were elegantly embroidered with patterns of the moon and stars. “Rarity would have a fit if she saw cloth of this caliber all torn up like this.” Upon closer inspection, Twilight could see the scraps of cloth created a path. Curiosity overcame her cautious nature,
Fluttershy (giggling): Twilight? Cautious? Oh! I-I’m sorry! (hides behind Mule)
and she followed the path without hesitation. What lay at the end of the path…
Mac: A Twixie fic?
Fluttershy: A failed experiment?
Mule: A Not My Destiny sequel?
Fluttershy: ... Isn’t that what I said?
“Oh my goddesses...” Twilight gaped. A midnight blue colored colt with unkempt hair and a slightly larger than average body,
Mule: Rule 63 Luna?
was laying on the ground, covered in grass, twigs and… blood. Lots and lots of blood.
Mac: So much blood, in fact, that it was a river of blood.
Fluttershy: Oh my... It’s horrible, but looks pretty in the sunset...
Mac: Yeah, and you can donate there whenever you want at its blood banks! (Mule hits Mac as Fluttershy sighs)
She crept closer, to see if he was still breathing. That’s when she noticed his wings. He’s a Pegasus, she thought. But there was something wrong… The wings weren’t feathered. They were leathery. Like… "Dragon wings? His tail, it’s got scales!"
"How is that-”
Mule: Go home story, your grammar’s drunk.
The colt coughed, making Twilight lose her thought.
Fluttershy: “Oh... drat! That was such a good thought, too! With a lot of... um... books? In it?”
Mac: You’re getting better, Fluttershy! Stop being so passive aggressive. She’s not the real Twilight, so go ahead and let her have it!
Fluttershy: O-okay.
He was spitting up more blood. He stirred a little
Mac: water into the batter. Then, he beat his eggs.
(Mule groans and Fluttershy squeaks, blushing)
. He was still conscious.
“Augh…” He groaned in intense pain. He slowly opened his eyes to reveal his irises. They were green slits, also like a dragon’s. He looked at Twilight. “Who are you?”
She managed to swallow her surprise and respond. “I’m Twilight.”
“Hi, Twilight. My name is Cerberus.” The dragon colt named Cerberus continued to hack and cough.
Mule: Wait... Dragon colt, with a weird name that’s tied to mythology? Mac, are your Mary Sue senses tingling?
Mac: Mule, my senses were tingling back when he opened his eyes and, while half dead from blood loss, was able to form more than one coherent word.
Fluttershy: He definitely is talking more than somepony... er, somedrake? Um... he- he needs medical help, not more talking.
“You’re hurt really bad, Cerberus. You need help. I’ll be right back. Stay here.”
Mac: “No really. You can tell. I talk odd. Like a robot. See look. You stay. I’ll be back.”
“I don’t have many other options,” he rasped.
Fluttershy: “I could only choose between ‘staying here’ and ‘selling my soul,’ so the first one seemed the better plan.”
Cerberus continued to ebb in and out of consciousness. He remembered a bright pink filly shouting something about cupcakes, and a zebra, of all things, chanting in a cryptic language. He also recalled being fed something incredibly coarse in texture, but he felt better after he swallowed it, so he greedily gulped it down.
Mac: Wow, even the author got tired of the exposition. Look at how fast that went by.
Mule: Faster than Rainbow Dash.
Dash (from the TV): Hey!
“The remedy worked like a charm. In a matter of days, there will be no marks of harm.”
Fluttershy: “Now go get me a sock and some soap. I’d give him worse lashings, but I have not a rope.”
Mac (clapping his hands): Woo, Fluttershy, you’re doing it! Keep it up!
(Fluttershy blushes, hiding behind her mane as she shifts a bit)
Fluttershy: I-it was nothing, really...
Cerberus’ vision slowly came back into focus, and the first feeling to strike him was confusion.
Mac: The second one was Water Gun.
He was lying
Fluttershy: To his parents about the gem jar. He didn’t take that emerald!
on a bed of hay with a fur blanket. How had he gotten there?
Mac: That’s how I feel after following a MapQuest map. I once went all the way from my house to the state border and back, because MapQuest couldn’t think of an easier course through the town that wasn’t full of construction. I was still stuck in traffic for three hours.
Why was he in a wooden hut, instead of a cement cell, or dead?
Mac: The pony-devil would be in a tizzy if he didn’t die soon!
He groaned in pain as he looked around at all the strange masks. Why was he so sore? Then, everything came back to him.
Mac: The universe was pulled into the black abyss that was his heart so quickly that it snapped back out, just a great cloud of carbon, hydrogen, and-
Mule: Stop right there! You’ve already blown up the universe! Twice!
Cerberus remembered encountering the one he feared the most, seeing it beat down his sister as if she were nothing more than a mosquito,
Fluttershy: Well, she was bugging me...
Mule: Was... Was that a pun Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: Yes... um, was it good?
Mule: Better than Author’s.
and summoning the courage to confront it. Then he remembered the feeling of weightlessness as he was tossed aside, falling from a great height, seeing his companion
Mac: Cube
s, and all of hope of achieving his goal, disappear.
Fluttershy: The hope for my goal is disappearing, too. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry this time.
Mac: Why are you going to cry?
Fluttershy: Because... That grammar is terrible. Can anyone else taste rainbow-extract and vanilla frosting?
Mule: Well, first you tie Rainbow Dash to a table, then you- (slapped by Fluttershy softly) Um... ouch?
Now he was struck by sheer panic. He survived the fall, but what happened to the others? He catapulted himself from his bed, only to see the face of a purple unicorn frozen in shock.
Mac: You could say she was.... Thunderstruck!
Mule: Noo....
Mac: In fact, she’s as coooold as ice!
Fluttershy: (whimper) Make it stop...
“You’re awake!” she said.
Cerberus was terrified at this moment. He realized that he was totally exposed.
Mule: And hello clopfic!
(Mac waves and bows dramatically as someone hits up a wolf-whistle and canned applause)
This unicorn could see Cerberus’ dragon wings and tail.
Fluttershy: Cerberus did not enjoy showing off his wings; they did little to help him work the textile plants.
This did not bode well. He locked his eyes with the Unicorn’s. “What the hell happened?! Where am I?!”
Fluttershy: You’re in a tree. In the Everfree Forest.
Mac: I don’t think that he and you ever do the down and dirty in the Everfree, Fluttershy.
Mule: Yeah, you strike me as more of an in bed only kind of girl.
Fluttershy: (squee) What?!
Mac: (slaps Mule) Good job.
“Calm down. I’m not going to harm you.”
Mule: ‘I’m just gonna suck your soul out with a bendy straw.’
Mac: Oooh, they still make those? I thought they’d been pulled from stores or something.
“Get away from me!” Cerberus spread his wings, creating a shockwave.
Mac: Gary Stu counter, anyone?
Fluttershy: Umm, 2 or 3, by now...
Mac: Awesome.
Paintings, ornaments and other decorations fell to the ground. He got a running start and launched himself toward the open door. It slammed shut, resulting in a loud crashing noise, and a much unwanted headache.
Twilight was responsible for that headache, having closed the door with her horn.
Fluttershy: She should have used her hooves. Doors must hurt when you slam your horn into them.
“Sorry for that, Cerberus.”
“Urgh… wait, how- y-you know my n-name?” asked Cerberus as he recovered from his crash, fearfully looking at the strange unicorn.
“Don’t you remember? I found you in the woods. You were pretty beat up…. Okay, you were on the verge of death, but I said I’d find help, and I did!”
Mac: Traumatic, blunt honesty and blunt force trauma. They always go hoof in hoof.
“Would a ‘thank you’ be enough for you to let me leave? I have important matters to attend to.”
Twilight shook her head. “No can do. You’re not fully healed yet.”
Cerberus groaned in frustration
(All groan, frustrated)
Fluttershy: There’s no period there.
Mac: I think that all the periods were stolen. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
Mule: I blame Carmen San Diego!
Fluttershy: Why would a famous detective steal something?
Mac: He said Carmen San Diego, not Caramel Stantigo.
Fluttershy: Ohh... Okay.
Mac: Oooh, now I feel bad!
“Well, can you at least tell me what time it is?”
Mac: Iiiiiiit’s..... ADVENTURE TIME!
Mule: (puts on Fin hat)
“Why do you- um, it’s high noon, I think.”
Another groan. “Okay. I’m stuck.” Cerberus took a long breath. He forced a smile, knowing that at least he was alive, and this unicorn didn’t seem offset by his unusual wings and tail. “So, Miss…”
“Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle.” The unicorn returned Cerberus’ smile.
Fluttershy: As she did so, she said: “No fangs, I’m good.”
(Mac pats Fluttershy on the head, chuckling.)
Mac: You’re almost better than me.
Mule: And now I’m afraid.
(Mac pats Mule on the head, chuckling.)
Mac: You should be.
“Yes, I think I remember you now. Are you responsible for healing me?”
“Actually, no. It was my zebra friend Zecora.
Mac: “As opposed to my Zebra slave, Zircon.”
She made a stew that heals mortal wounds.
Mac: “God’s Wounds, on the other hoof, is just a figure of speech.”
She just left, actually. You can thank her when she gets back. Oh, there were also Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy - they’re Pegasai - they carried you here. Then there’s Pinky Pie-”
All (Including Pinkie Pie [from TV]): Pinkie Pie!
Twilight would have finished that sentence if a pink Earthwalker didn’t
Mac: eat it first.
barge through the closed door with a tray of pastries on her back. “WHO WANTS CUPCAKES!?”
All: AAAGGHHH!!!!!!
Mac: Okay, that was too scary! I think we need to take a break!
Fluttershy (from beneath the floor): Y-yes, please...
Mac: Okay, let us look at this rationally for a second. Cerberus is a dragonpony-- or a Drakony, for the word-mashing weirdos out there-- who was left for dead in the Everfree Forest. Somehow, he wound up by a trail that Twilight happened to be walking down. Anyone else find that a bit suspicious?
Mule: Considering that we’re stuck in a room with a talking pony who’s cute as a button? Yes, yes it is.
Fluttershy (quietly): C...cute?
Mac: I’m just saying, what’re the odds of all that happening at once, on the same day?
Mule: Let’s find out, Pinkie can you call Twilight?
Pinkie (from the TV): Okie-Dokie-Lokie!
Fluttershy (quietly): Cute?
Twilight (from the TV): Hello? Who’s this?
Mac and Mule: Hiiii Twilight!
Twilight (from the TV): Oh by Celestia’s beard! Can’t you two leave me alone for one day?
Mac: Nope. Anyway, Twi, we were wondering... What’re the odds of there being a dragonpony-
Mule: Drakony.
Mac: Whatever. If a Drakony existed, what are the odds of it being left for dead in the Everfree Forest on the same path you just so happened to be walking along?
Twilight (from the TV): I’ll check.
Fluttershy: M...Mr. Muleicious?
Mule: Yes Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: You really think I’m cute?
Mule: (blushing) Well, I...um... MAC!
Mac: Yes?
Mule: Shouldn’t we be getting back to the story?
Mac: I thought you wanted to-
Mule: STORY! NOW!
(BUZZ)
All: We got story sign!
Mule: Considering that we’re stuck in a room with a talking pony who’s cute as a button? Yes, yes it is.
Fluttershy (quietly): C...cute?
Mac: I’m just saying, what’re the odds of all that happening at once, on the same day?
Mule: Let’s find out, Pinkie can you call Twilight?
Pinkie (from the TV): Okie-Dokie-Lokie!
Fluttershy (quietly): Cute?
Twilight (from the TV): Hello? Who’s this?
Mac and Mule: Hiiii Twilight!
Twilight (from the TV): Oh by Celestia’s beard! Can’t you two leave me alone for one day?
Mac: Nope. Anyway, Twi, we were wondering... What’re the odds of there being a dragonpony-
Mule: Drakony.
Mac: Whatever. If a Drakony existed, what are the odds of it being left for dead in the Everfree Forest on the same path you just so happened to be walking along?
Twilight (from the TV): I’ll check.
Fluttershy: M...Mr. Muleicious?
Mule: Yes Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: You really think I’m cute?
Mule: (blushing) Well, I...um... MAC!
Mac: Yes?
Mule: Shouldn’t we be getting back to the story?
Mac: I thought you wanted to-
Mule: STORY! NOW!
(BUZZ)
All: We got story sign!
Cerberus and four other ponies were sitting in a circle, enjoying the festivities that Pinkie Pie had brought.
Mac: Santa Pinkie, bringing festivities to all the good little fillies and colts!
Twilight sat to Cerberus’ right. To his left, Pinkie Pie and the colorful Pegasus called Rainbow Dash sat together. They seemed to be sharing a slice of cake,
Mule: Wait, just one slice? Doesn’t Pinkie live in a bakery? She couldn’t make them a whole cake?
Fluttershy: I don’t think that’s what the story meant... I think...
but Rainbow Dash kept looking at Cerberus oddly, for obvious reasons.
Mac: He had a huge zit right in the middle of his forehead. (Mac squints) ... It kinda looks like Zach Galifianakis...
Fluttershy and Mule: Eeew...
Cerberus’ attention was drawn to the yellow Pegasus sitting at the opposite end of the circle from him. Twilight had called her Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: Why would she call me that? Name-calling’s not nice, you know.
Cerberus had to give Pinkamena Diane Pie credit; he felt loads better after eating those frosted treats. His panic had completely ebbed and he found the strength to make idle chit-chat. “Lovely cupcakes, Miss Diane. How did you mix medicine into them?”
Mac:... Anyone else creeped out by that sentence?
Mule: It’s ok, it’s not like they’re eating-
“I didn’t, silly! But cupcakes make everything better, don’t you think?”
All: NO!
Cerberus tried to think of a logical response to that question, but all he could say was “Umm… yes. Of course they do.”
Mule (impersonating Pinkie): “You wanna help me make them later on? I’m all out of ingredients...”
(Mac and Fluttershy shiver)
“Okay, that’s it. I can’t take this anymore! Cerberus, what the hay’s up with the wings?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Mac: “Why did you paint smiley faces on them?”
Fluttershy: “Because drawing frowny faces won’t attract other drakonies.”
Twilight was outraged and embarrassed. She shouted, “Rainbow Dash! Don’t be rude!”
Cerberus intervened, shaking his wings with a flap. “It’s okay. Don’t pretend you’re not curious about my… unusual features.”
“Was it poison joke?” asked Pinkie Pie. “It totally was, wasn’t it?! OH! Oh, wait! I love guessing games! Was it maybe-” She was silenced by a light cyan hoof shoving a slice of cake in her mouth. “Shh!”
Mule: Nobody’s going to make a joke?
Fluttershy: Well, Rainbow did tell us to shh.
Cerberus blinked, still processing what she had asked. “I don’t know what ‘poison joke’ is, so no. I was born with the wings and tail of a dragon.”
Mule: ‘As well as the head of a lion, the paws of a bear, and the attention span of a cat chasing after a dot on the floor.’
A few oohs and aahs were interspersed with a “That’s awesome!”
Mac: Not really. Wouldn’t he be ridiculed and feared? I mean, we’re talking about the same ponies that were afraid of a zebra.
Mule: Mac, don’t bring logic into this.
Fluttershy: I think we’re at 5, now.
Mac: Hmm?
Fluttershy: O-on the Gary Stu counter...
Mac: Oh, thanks for keeping track, Fluttershy!
“Well… that’s unusual,” said Cerberus, munching on a slice of cornbread. Not bad. “This is supposed to be the part where you run me out of town.”
Mac: SEE!
(Mule sighs)
Mule: Yes, but they learned that lesson already...
All of the ponies looked confused. “Why would we do that?” said Twilight. “Being a half-dragon isn’t a bad thing, even though it violates everything I’ve ever learned about biology, anatomy and basic genetics.”
Mule: Why do I feel like this scene’s going to turn into this?
Fluttershy: Eeep! *hides behind Mac* Wh...what is that?
Mule: That would be Liam Neeson.
Mac: His middle name is ‘I live, therefore I kick ass.’
“Yeah, it’s freaking awesome! Have I said that yet? I think I did. But who cares?!”
All: We don’t!
Rainbow Dash said through a mouthful of cake. “I bet you could make clouds bleed with those wings.”
Mac: Well... That’s an interesting idea.
Mule: And a disturbing picture.
Fluttershy spoke for the first time since Cerberus first saw her. “They’re lovely.” That comment caught Cerberus by surprise.
Pinkie Pie stood on her hind legs. “A toast to Cerberus and his awesome mutant wings and tail!” she said, much to the group’s confusion.
Mule: Pinkie Pie used Confuse! It’s super effective!
Mac: Twilight tries to use Logic, but in her confusion, ends up smacking her head into a wall for the next five panels!
Mule: ... This isn’t a comic book.
Mac: Oh, right. My bad.
“Pinks, we’re not drinking anything,” said Rainbow Dash. “You really need to lay off the grape juice.”
Fluttershy: But we're not drinking anything.
“But it’s so-” Pinkie Pie fell over backwards before she could finish pouting. “…tasty.” She then started giggling madly. Then Rainbow Dash laughed, followed by Fluttershy’s soft chuckles, and then Twilight’s. Cerberus somehow found himself laughing too.
Fluttershy:... I don’t get it.
He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed like this.
He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed at all.
Mac: I can. It was a week before reading SAM.
Mule: Was it really that bad? Gorefic, right?
Mac: Yeah, but it wasn’t the gore that scared me. It was the horrendous grammar and spelling errors.
(All shudder)
After the delicious dining of doughy delights
Mule: What a dignified design to put doubt in all my ideals.
Fluttershy: What?
Mule: Sorry, I’ve lost my edge. It’s been awhile since Vacation is Elation.
Mac: But wasn’t it just a sensation?
Fluttershy: Please stop.
Mac: Oh, come on... It’s no fun when you give me consternation.
Mule: Better than constipation.
Mac: But not as good as alliteration.
Fluttershy: I can’t stand this deviatio- (slaps a hoof over her mouth, eyes widening in shock)
in Zecora's hut had come to an end, the time had come to discuss where the young half-dragon known as Cerberus would be staying until his injuries had fully recovered. Cerberus insisted that this wasn't necessary.
"This isn't necessary.
Mule: “I can see the future!”
Mac: “The whole world gets destroyed! By Twilight casting a spell!”
I can sleep on the grass outside, or in a cave. Honestly, the latter is a luxury for me." Cerberus continued to refuse hospitality, but Twilight's continued protests eventually led him to succumbing.
"We will NOT sleep in our beds knowing that you're not doing the same.
Mac: And so, Twilight made everypony sleep on the couch that night. Also, that’s 6 we’re at. Maybe 7?
Besides, what if whatever hurt you comes back for more?"
Cerberus glared at Twilight. "You have a really sick sense of humor, Miss Sparkle."
Fluttershy: Um... Mr. Cerberus, I think Twilight was just worried about your health.
Mac: Nope, it was all just a sick joke. Moving on.
He shook his head and dropped the negative attitude. "So, where do you live?"
Twilight seemed surprised at that question. "Oh. I wasn't offering; I just wanted to present the idea..."
Mule: Wow, way to back out of that one Twi.
“It's alright."
Twilight perked up right away. "Wait, you can fly... hey Rainbow Dash, would you be willing to-"
"No can do, Twi," said Rainbow Dash. She was still standing next to Pinkie Pie. Cerberus just now realized that those two were never more than a foot apart from each other. Perhaps...
Mule: Oh no...
Fluttershy: What?
Mule: You’ll see.
"Pinkie Pie and I were going to... um..."
Mac: Play Wolf-puncher Extreme!
Pinkie Pie interrupted, probably for the better. "Have a sleepover!" Cerberus' theory about her and Rainbow Dash were officially confirmed, not that he had a problem with that.
Fluttershy: Oh, I get it now! Wait... Oh my... (blushes)
Mule: Welcome to the world of shipping Flutters. A.k.a Super Big Mac’s mind.
Mac: Hey! … No, that’s about right. Wait... actually, no. This is a bit softcore compared to my mind.
(Mule shudders)
Mule: Please... don’t speak of it, please...
"Another sleepover, great," said Twilight in a rather sarcastic tone. "I guess that leaves..."
"Squeak!"
Mac: Mousey McSqueakerson!
Mule: How did you even come up with that name?
Mac: Sorry, Pinkie’s been the only one keeping me company ever since you and Author locked me up!
Cerberus looked back and forth for whatever small animal made that sound. His eyes landed on the yellow Pegasus, who had her hoof up to her face and red in her cheeks. Well, she IS called Fluttershy for a reason, he thought.
Fluttershy: Um... That’s a bit rude.
He didn't want to stay at her place if it meant she would keep blushing and squeaking like this,
Fluttershy: (glares at story) Well I don’t want a Mary Sue staying with me anyway.
Mule: Calm down Flutters, remember funny.
so he reassured her, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Miss." Fluttershy somehow managed to swallow her embarrassment.
"No no no. I'd love to." She spoke quietly and elegantly. Cerberus couldn't help finding her disposition charming.
Fluttershy: Is this story...
Mac: Shipping you with a Gary Stu? Eeeyup.
Mule: Take a drink!
Fluttershy: What?
Mac and Mule: Don’t ask.
If he had to spend the night, and just the night, at her abode, it wouldn't be so bad. "The animals would just love him." Wait, animals?
"It's settled then," said Twilight. "Cerberus will be staying with Fluttershy until he gets back on his feet."
Mac: So his paws? Or his hooves? Does he have draconic feet or hooves? Was that ever mentioned?
"What animals?"
Fluttershy: Not many, just bunnies, badgers, otters...
Mule: *whispering* Lions.
Mac: *whispering* Tigers.
Fluttershy: And bears.
Mule and Mac: OH MY!
Fluttershy: (squeaks and hides) Oh... Was... Was that a joke?
Mac: Big time.
Fluttershy: Oh... ok.
Mule: Break time?
Mac: Sure.
(BUZZ)
Mac: Santa Pinkie, bringing festivities to all the good little fillies and colts!
Twilight sat to Cerberus’ right. To his left, Pinkie Pie and the colorful Pegasus called Rainbow Dash sat together. They seemed to be sharing a slice of cake,
Mule: Wait, just one slice? Doesn’t Pinkie live in a bakery? She couldn’t make them a whole cake?
Fluttershy: I don’t think that’s what the story meant... I think...
but Rainbow Dash kept looking at Cerberus oddly, for obvious reasons.
Mac: He had a huge zit right in the middle of his forehead. (Mac squints) ... It kinda looks like Zach Galifianakis...
Fluttershy and Mule: Eeew...
Cerberus’ attention was drawn to the yellow Pegasus sitting at the opposite end of the circle from him. Twilight had called her Fluttershy.
Fluttershy: Why would she call me that? Name-calling’s not nice, you know.
Cerberus had to give Pinkamena Diane Pie credit; he felt loads better after eating those frosted treats. His panic had completely ebbed and he found the strength to make idle chit-chat. “Lovely cupcakes, Miss Diane. How did you mix medicine into them?”
Mac:... Anyone else creeped out by that sentence?
Mule: It’s ok, it’s not like they’re eating-
“I didn’t, silly! But cupcakes make everything better, don’t you think?”
All: NO!
Cerberus tried to think of a logical response to that question, but all he could say was “Umm… yes. Of course they do.”
Mule (impersonating Pinkie): “You wanna help me make them later on? I’m all out of ingredients...”
(Mac and Fluttershy shiver)
“Okay, that’s it. I can’t take this anymore! Cerberus, what the hay’s up with the wings?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Mac: “Why did you paint smiley faces on them?”
Fluttershy: “Because drawing frowny faces won’t attract other drakonies.”
Twilight was outraged and embarrassed. She shouted, “Rainbow Dash! Don’t be rude!”
Cerberus intervened, shaking his wings with a flap. “It’s okay. Don’t pretend you’re not curious about my… unusual features.”
“Was it poison joke?” asked Pinkie Pie. “It totally was, wasn’t it?! OH! Oh, wait! I love guessing games! Was it maybe-” She was silenced by a light cyan hoof shoving a slice of cake in her mouth. “Shh!”
Mule: Nobody’s going to make a joke?
Fluttershy: Well, Rainbow did tell us to shh.
Cerberus blinked, still processing what she had asked. “I don’t know what ‘poison joke’ is, so no. I was born with the wings and tail of a dragon.”
Mule: ‘As well as the head of a lion, the paws of a bear, and the attention span of a cat chasing after a dot on the floor.’
A few oohs and aahs were interspersed with a “That’s awesome!”
Mac: Not really. Wouldn’t he be ridiculed and feared? I mean, we’re talking about the same ponies that were afraid of a zebra.
Mule: Mac, don’t bring logic into this.
Fluttershy: I think we’re at 5, now.
Mac: Hmm?
Fluttershy: O-on the Gary Stu counter...
Mac: Oh, thanks for keeping track, Fluttershy!
“Well… that’s unusual,” said Cerberus, munching on a slice of cornbread. Not bad. “This is supposed to be the part where you run me out of town.”
Mac: SEE!
(Mule sighs)
Mule: Yes, but they learned that lesson already...
All of the ponies looked confused. “Why would we do that?” said Twilight. “Being a half-dragon isn’t a bad thing, even though it violates everything I’ve ever learned about biology, anatomy and basic genetics.”
Mule: Why do I feel like this scene’s going to turn into this?
Fluttershy: Eeep! *hides behind Mac* Wh...what is that?
Mule: That would be Liam Neeson.
Mac: His middle name is ‘I live, therefore I kick ass.’
“Yeah, it’s freaking awesome! Have I said that yet? I think I did. But who cares?!”
All: We don’t!
Rainbow Dash said through a mouthful of cake. “I bet you could make clouds bleed with those wings.”
Mac: Well... That’s an interesting idea.
Mule: And a disturbing picture.
Fluttershy spoke for the first time since Cerberus first saw her. “They’re lovely.” That comment caught Cerberus by surprise.
Pinkie Pie stood on her hind legs. “A toast to Cerberus and his awesome mutant wings and tail!” she said, much to the group’s confusion.
Mule: Pinkie Pie used Confuse! It’s super effective!
Mac: Twilight tries to use Logic, but in her confusion, ends up smacking her head into a wall for the next five panels!
Mule: ... This isn’t a comic book.
Mac: Oh, right. My bad.
“Pinks, we’re not drinking anything,” said Rainbow Dash. “You really need to lay off the grape juice.”
Fluttershy: But we're not drinking anything.
“But it’s so-” Pinkie Pie fell over backwards before she could finish pouting. “…tasty.” She then started giggling madly. Then Rainbow Dash laughed, followed by Fluttershy’s soft chuckles, and then Twilight’s. Cerberus somehow found himself laughing too.
Fluttershy:... I don’t get it.
He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed like this.
He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed at all.
Mac: I can. It was a week before reading SAM.
Mule: Was it really that bad? Gorefic, right?
Mac: Yeah, but it wasn’t the gore that scared me. It was the horrendous grammar and spelling errors.
(All shudder)
After the delicious dining of doughy delights
Mule: What a dignified design to put doubt in all my ideals.
Fluttershy: What?
Mule: Sorry, I’ve lost my edge. It’s been awhile since Vacation is Elation.
Mac: But wasn’t it just a sensation?
Fluttershy: Please stop.
Mac: Oh, come on... It’s no fun when you give me consternation.
Mule: Better than constipation.
Mac: But not as good as alliteration.
Fluttershy: I can’t stand this deviatio- (slaps a hoof over her mouth, eyes widening in shock)
in Zecora's hut had come to an end, the time had come to discuss where the young half-dragon known as Cerberus would be staying until his injuries had fully recovered. Cerberus insisted that this wasn't necessary.
"This isn't necessary.
Mule: “I can see the future!”
Mac: “The whole world gets destroyed! By Twilight casting a spell!”
I can sleep on the grass outside, or in a cave. Honestly, the latter is a luxury for me." Cerberus continued to refuse hospitality, but Twilight's continued protests eventually led him to succumbing.
"We will NOT sleep in our beds knowing that you're not doing the same.
Mac: And so, Twilight made everypony sleep on the couch that night. Also, that’s 6 we’re at. Maybe 7?
Besides, what if whatever hurt you comes back for more?"
Cerberus glared at Twilight. "You have a really sick sense of humor, Miss Sparkle."
Fluttershy: Um... Mr. Cerberus, I think Twilight was just worried about your health.
Mac: Nope, it was all just a sick joke. Moving on.
He shook his head and dropped the negative attitude. "So, where do you live?"
Twilight seemed surprised at that question. "Oh. I wasn't offering; I just wanted to present the idea..."
Mule: Wow, way to back out of that one Twi.
“It's alright."
Twilight perked up right away. "Wait, you can fly... hey Rainbow Dash, would you be willing to-"
"No can do, Twi," said Rainbow Dash. She was still standing next to Pinkie Pie. Cerberus just now realized that those two were never more than a foot apart from each other. Perhaps...
Mule: Oh no...
Fluttershy: What?
Mule: You’ll see.
"Pinkie Pie and I were going to... um..."
Mac: Play Wolf-puncher Extreme!
Pinkie Pie interrupted, probably for the better. "Have a sleepover!" Cerberus' theory about her and Rainbow Dash were officially confirmed, not that he had a problem with that.
Fluttershy: Oh, I get it now! Wait... Oh my... (blushes)
Mule: Welcome to the world of shipping Flutters. A.k.a Super Big Mac’s mind.
Mac: Hey! … No, that’s about right. Wait... actually, no. This is a bit softcore compared to my mind.
(Mule shudders)
Mule: Please... don’t speak of it, please...
"Another sleepover, great," said Twilight in a rather sarcastic tone. "I guess that leaves..."
"Squeak!"
Mac: Mousey McSqueakerson!
Mule: How did you even come up with that name?
Mac: Sorry, Pinkie’s been the only one keeping me company ever since you and Author locked me up!
Cerberus looked back and forth for whatever small animal made that sound. His eyes landed on the yellow Pegasus, who had her hoof up to her face and red in her cheeks. Well, she IS called Fluttershy for a reason, he thought.
Fluttershy: Um... That’s a bit rude.
He didn't want to stay at her place if it meant she would keep blushing and squeaking like this,
Fluttershy: (glares at story) Well I don’t want a Mary Sue staying with me anyway.
Mule: Calm down Flutters, remember funny.
so he reassured her, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Miss." Fluttershy somehow managed to swallow her embarrassment.
"No no no. I'd love to." She spoke quietly and elegantly. Cerberus couldn't help finding her disposition charming.
Fluttershy: Is this story...
Mac: Shipping you with a Gary Stu? Eeeyup.
Mule: Take a drink!
Fluttershy: What?
Mac and Mule: Don’t ask.
If he had to spend the night, and just the night, at her abode, it wouldn't be so bad. "The animals would just love him." Wait, animals?
"It's settled then," said Twilight. "Cerberus will be staying with Fluttershy until he gets back on his feet."
Mac: So his paws? Or his hooves? Does he have draconic feet or hooves? Was that ever mentioned?
"What animals?"
Fluttershy: Not many, just bunnies, badgers, otters...
Mule: *whispering* Lions.
Mac: *whispering* Tigers.
Fluttershy: And bears.
Mule and Mac: OH MY!
Fluttershy: (squeaks and hides) Oh... Was... Was that a joke?
Mac: Big time.
Fluttershy: Oh... ok.
Mule: Break time?
Mac: Sure.
(BUZZ)
Mac (wearing a reporter's hat, notepad and pencil in hand): Miss Fluttershy, how does it feel having a Drakony living in your home?
Fluttershy: W-well, he's quite... different.
Mac: Any word on his heritage?
Fluttershy: Well, since he is mostly pony in form, a safe assumption is that his mother is the pony in the relationship...
Mac: So you do, in fact, believe he is a dragonborn colt?
Fluttershy: Well-- Yes, I mean--
Mac and Mule: FUS ROH DAH!!!
Fluttershy: Eep!
Twilight (from the TV): ... and I got it!
Mac: Hmmm? Wha'chu talkin' 'bout, Twiley?
Twilight: It would be next to impossible for a Drakony to be born, naturally or otherwise. The first problem is that a stallion could not impregnate a dragoness just because of the sheer size difference. However, a male dragon reaches an age of fertility much younger than females--which honestly helps explain Spike's infatuation with Rarity--but that is still around 80 to 100 years old, and a pony doesn't usually live that long. Granny Smith is almost 60, and she's just about as old as a pony can get. A male dragon at that age would still be about twenty-three percent larger than the average pony, but a growth spell could rectify that small detail.
All: ...........
Mac: Or, you know, just have a bigger pony.
Twilight (furrows her brow): What are you getting at?
Mac: Nothing, nothing... princess.
Twilight: WHAT?!
[buzzer sounds]
All: We got story sign!
Fluttershy: W-well, he's quite... different.
Mac: Any word on his heritage?
Fluttershy: Well, since he is mostly pony in form, a safe assumption is that his mother is the pony in the relationship...
Mac: So you do, in fact, believe he is a dragonborn colt?
Fluttershy: Well-- Yes, I mean--
Mac and Mule: FUS ROH DAH!!!
Fluttershy: Eep!
Twilight (from the TV): ... and I got it!
Mac: Hmmm? Wha'chu talkin' 'bout, Twiley?
Twilight: It would be next to impossible for a Drakony to be born, naturally or otherwise. The first problem is that a stallion could not impregnate a dragoness just because of the sheer size difference. However, a male dragon reaches an age of fertility much younger than females--which honestly helps explain Spike's infatuation with Rarity--but that is still around 80 to 100 years old, and a pony doesn't usually live that long. Granny Smith is almost 60, and she's just about as old as a pony can get. A male dragon at that age would still be about twenty-three percent larger than the average pony, but a growth spell could rectify that small detail.
All: ...........
Mac: Or, you know, just have a bigger pony.
Twilight (furrows her brow): What are you getting at?
Mac: Nothing, nothing... princess.
Twilight: WHAT?!
[buzzer sounds]
All: We got story sign!
Another bucket of apples filled and the new shipment was ready to head off into town.
Mule: (singing) Another one bites the dust.
"Be back in an hour, Mac!"
Mac: Ok!... Wait.
Applejack threw on her favorite cowboy hat, harnessed herself to a cartful of ripe red apples and waltzed away from the farm.
Fluttershy: Unfortunately, AJ was off a beat.
Mac: Poor AJ... She had three left hooves.
Another back breaking day at Sweet Apple Acres, and frankly, that's the way Applejack liked it. She was heading into town in response to a letter from Mrs. Cake that claimed the bakery was short on apples, and Applejack had no shortage of those. Any excuse to get off the farm for a while and see the smiles of all the colts and mares of Ponyville was a good one.
Today, however, everypony seemed uneasy. Not many folks were outside their homes, and even then, most of them were antisocial.
Mac: Zecora was in town again.
Mule: That doesn’t make any-
Mac: Shhh...
"Can't talk now, kid. I'm going home."
"You really shouldn't be outside on a day like this."
"You'd best go back inside."
Fluttershy: Insert generic warning here.
No birds were chirping, either. Ominous. Applejack noticed that the majority of the civilians kept looking up towards the mountain on which Canterlot was set. Applejack eventually saw why.
Mac: ‘If you squint just right, it looks like Celestia’s kicking Luna to the moon.’
Fluttershy: I see it! yay!
While the mid afternoon sky above Ponyville was completely cloudless, Canterlot was still shrouded by the dark clouds of last week's storm. Very ominous.
Mule: We get it story, it’s ominous. Get on with the plot.
Applejack eventually came
All: Ewww...
to Sugarcube Corner
All: Oh.
, and the mere sight of the luminous and colorful bakery lifted all those ominous thoughts from her mind. The smell of every kind of cake, cookie and cornbread filled her nostrils, and it was simply wonderful.
Mule:... Mac, you work in a bakery of some kind. Do you make cornbread?
Mac: No, we make cupcakes, cakes, and brownies. Oh, and cookies.
"Good afternoon Mrs. Cake!" said Applejack as she strolled into the bakery. Mrs. Cake was behind the counter, and she looked delighted to see a friendly face, especially with the disposition of everypony outside. Applejack unhitched herself from the cart.
Fluttershy: Wait, did she take the cart inside with her?
Mac: Yes. That's what we call lazy writing, or a woman driving.
"Ya placed an order for my finest apples?"
"I most certainly did," said Mrs. Cake. She trotted from behind the counter and pushed the cart into the back room. "Thanks for arriving so fast, Applejack."
Fluttershy: She did. How did she get it through the door?
Mule: Hmmm, either it’s a very wide door or-
Mac: Plot magic!
Mule: Wha..?
Mac: well, it's a tight fit at first, but it loosens up eventually.
Mule and Fluttershy: Eww, eww, eww! No!
"By the by, where's Pinkie Pie? I thought she was workin' today."
"She left about five minutes ago, with about half of my baked goods! Apple pies, applesauce, pretty much everything with apples in it."
Mule: Ok, now I know bakeries don’t make apple sauce.
Mac: Also, ‘applesauce’. Really story?
"What's up with her?"
All: It’s Pinkie Pie.
"I have no idea. She mentioned something about a three headed dog, then she yelled 'Medicupcakes go!' and ran off."
"That girl ain't right."
Mule: She's the only one left who can save the day.
Mac: She ain't the greatest hero, but she's the only one we've got! Barbarian. Ba-buh! Barbarian.
As Applejack walked through the park on her way back from Sugarcube Corner, she saw Lyra and Bon Bon resting at their usual bench. Applejack noticed they were in hysterics.
Mule: So they were resting... Hysterically?
Mac: Seems legit.
She just had to know what was going on.
"Howdy girls! Somethin' the matter?" Lyra and Bon Bon stopped their chatter immediately to look at Applejack with surprised faces.
Lyra spoke first, "Of course something is the matter, Applejack! You haven't heard?"
Bon Bon then said, "You must have heard!"
"But she didn't. We have to tell her!"
"YOU tell her. It's too horrible."
"Of course it's horrible, and she has to know."
All: Get on with it.
"Know about Celestia?"
"Obviously!"
Applejack's head was spinning. She couldn't comprehend basic algebra, must less a conversation going at the speed of light.
Fluttershy: Now that’s just mean! Applejack’s one of the smartest ponies I know. She may not be smart like Twilight, but she’s smart enough to know basic algebra and math. So you take that back story!
Mac and Mule: *scooting one seat away from Fluttershy, scared*
"Hold on a damn minute, what happened to the Princess?"
"Nothing happened!" said Bon Bon.
"Something did SO happen!"
"It almost happened!"
"Almost is still something."
All: GET ON WITH IT!
Fluttershy: Um, if that’s ok...
Applejack had to intervene again. "Stop! What is this somethin' ya speak of?"
Lyra was about to start babbling for the third time, but Bon Bon covered her mouth and simply said,
"Look." She pointed to a poster secured to a nearby tree.
Applejack couldn't stomach what she saw.
Mac: “Somepony wrote Sweet Apple Massacre on the tree.”
Fluttershy and Mule: AAAAH!
Every bad thing that ever happened in Ponyville; Nightmare Moon, the Parasprites, Discord...
Fluttershy: The sleeping dragon.
Mac: Trixie.
Mule: The Ursa Minor attack.
Fluttershy: That's still Trixie...
Mule: I place it in the Snips and Snails category, but I see your point.
all of them combined had nothing on what was she saw just now. Four figures were sketched onto the poster. One was a very tall and rivaled Big Mac in size and muscle, a scrawny earthwalker
Mule: Why not just say Earth Pony?
sporting half moon spectacles, a Pegasus with tribal marks, and a hooded figure without a visible face. What was so shocking about the poster? Not the mysterious figures, but the text written underneath their sketches.
Mule: (singing) Another one bites the dust.
"Be back in an hour, Mac!"
Mac: Ok!... Wait.
Applejack threw on her favorite cowboy hat, harnessed herself to a cartful of ripe red apples and waltzed away from the farm.
Fluttershy: Unfortunately, AJ was off a beat.
Mac: Poor AJ... She had three left hooves.
Another back breaking day at Sweet Apple Acres, and frankly, that's the way Applejack liked it. She was heading into town in response to a letter from Mrs. Cake that claimed the bakery was short on apples, and Applejack had no shortage of those. Any excuse to get off the farm for a while and see the smiles of all the colts and mares of Ponyville was a good one.
Today, however, everypony seemed uneasy. Not many folks were outside their homes, and even then, most of them were antisocial.
Mac: Zecora was in town again.
Mule: That doesn’t make any-
Mac: Shhh...
"Can't talk now, kid. I'm going home."
"You really shouldn't be outside on a day like this."
"You'd best go back inside."
Fluttershy: Insert generic warning here.
No birds were chirping, either. Ominous. Applejack noticed that the majority of the civilians kept looking up towards the mountain on which Canterlot was set. Applejack eventually saw why.
Mac: ‘If you squint just right, it looks like Celestia’s kicking Luna to the moon.’
Fluttershy: I see it! yay!
While the mid afternoon sky above Ponyville was completely cloudless, Canterlot was still shrouded by the dark clouds of last week's storm. Very ominous.
Mule: We get it story, it’s ominous. Get on with the plot.
Applejack eventually came
All: Ewww...
to Sugarcube Corner
All: Oh.
, and the mere sight of the luminous and colorful bakery lifted all those ominous thoughts from her mind. The smell of every kind of cake, cookie and cornbread filled her nostrils, and it was simply wonderful.
Mule:... Mac, you work in a bakery of some kind. Do you make cornbread?
Mac: No, we make cupcakes, cakes, and brownies. Oh, and cookies.
"Good afternoon Mrs. Cake!" said Applejack as she strolled into the bakery. Mrs. Cake was behind the counter, and she looked delighted to see a friendly face, especially with the disposition of everypony outside. Applejack unhitched herself from the cart.
Fluttershy: Wait, did she take the cart inside with her?
Mac: Yes. That's what we call lazy writing, or a woman driving.
"Ya placed an order for my finest apples?"
"I most certainly did," said Mrs. Cake. She trotted from behind the counter and pushed the cart into the back room. "Thanks for arriving so fast, Applejack."
Fluttershy: She did. How did she get it through the door?
Mule: Hmmm, either it’s a very wide door or-
Mac: Plot magic!
Mule: Wha..?
Mac: well, it's a tight fit at first, but it loosens up eventually.
Mule and Fluttershy: Eww, eww, eww! No!
"By the by, where's Pinkie Pie? I thought she was workin' today."
"She left about five minutes ago, with about half of my baked goods! Apple pies, applesauce, pretty much everything with apples in it."
Mule: Ok, now I know bakeries don’t make apple sauce.
Mac: Also, ‘applesauce’. Really story?
"What's up with her?"
All: It’s Pinkie Pie.
"I have no idea. She mentioned something about a three headed dog, then she yelled 'Medicupcakes go!' and ran off."
"That girl ain't right."
Mule: She's the only one left who can save the day.
Mac: She ain't the greatest hero, but she's the only one we've got! Barbarian. Ba-buh! Barbarian.
As Applejack walked through the park on her way back from Sugarcube Corner, she saw Lyra and Bon Bon resting at their usual bench. Applejack noticed they were in hysterics.
Mule: So they were resting... Hysterically?
Mac: Seems legit.
She just had to know what was going on.
"Howdy girls! Somethin' the matter?" Lyra and Bon Bon stopped their chatter immediately to look at Applejack with surprised faces.
Lyra spoke first, "Of course something is the matter, Applejack! You haven't heard?"
Bon Bon then said, "You must have heard!"
"But she didn't. We have to tell her!"
"YOU tell her. It's too horrible."
"Of course it's horrible, and she has to know."
All: Get on with it.
"Know about Celestia?"
"Obviously!"
Applejack's head was spinning. She couldn't comprehend basic algebra, must less a conversation going at the speed of light.
Fluttershy: Now that’s just mean! Applejack’s one of the smartest ponies I know. She may not be smart like Twilight, but she’s smart enough to know basic algebra and math. So you take that back story!
Mac and Mule: *scooting one seat away from Fluttershy, scared*
"Hold on a damn minute, what happened to the Princess?"
"Nothing happened!" said Bon Bon.
"Something did SO happen!"
"It almost happened!"
"Almost is still something."
All: GET ON WITH IT!
Fluttershy: Um, if that’s ok...
Applejack had to intervene again. "Stop! What is this somethin' ya speak of?"
Lyra was about to start babbling for the third time, but Bon Bon covered her mouth and simply said,
"Look." She pointed to a poster secured to a nearby tree.
Applejack couldn't stomach what she saw.
Mac: “Somepony wrote Sweet Apple Massacre on the tree.”
Fluttershy and Mule: AAAAH!
Every bad thing that ever happened in Ponyville; Nightmare Moon, the Parasprites, Discord...
Fluttershy: The sleeping dragon.
Mac: Trixie.
Mule: The Ursa Minor attack.
Fluttershy: That's still Trixie...
Mule: I place it in the Snips and Snails category, but I see your point.
all of them combined had nothing on what was she saw just now. Four figures were sketched onto the poster. One was a very tall and rivaled Big Mac in size and muscle, a scrawny earthwalker
Mule: Why not just say Earth Pony?
sporting half moon spectacles, a Pegasus with tribal marks, and a hooded figure without a visible face. What was so shocking about the poster? Not the mysterious figures, but the text written underneath their sketches.
Mac:... Really? Applejack couldn’t stomach that?
Fluttershy: Well, it is a little scary.
Mule: Now that I think about it, including Sombra, hasn’t Celestia almost been killed four times?
Mac: I’m more focused on the two on the bottom. They look like Derpy and Doctor Whooves.
Mule:... The Doctor tried to kill Celestia.
Mac: Dibs!
Mule: Di- Fuck!
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got break sign!
Fluttershy: Well, it is a little scary.
Mule: Now that I think about it, including Sombra, hasn’t Celestia almost been killed four times?
Mac: I’m more focused on the two on the bottom. They look like Derpy and Doctor Whooves.
Mule:... The Doctor tried to kill Celestia.
Mac: Dibs!
Mule: Di- Fuck!
*BUZZ*
All: We’ve got break sign!
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