FP Riffs 9: A Love for Rainbow Dash
This one’s an exciting one for me. The first reason is because my guest is the forerunner of Fan/fic/ Theater 3000 and Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000, and the one who got me into writing MSTs in the first place, RingmasterJ5. The second is because this fic, “A Love for Rainbow Dash” by author pUrp13f1am3, features one of my greatest pet peeves: alicorn OC X canon shipping. Throw in wall-of-text paragraphs and rushed pacing, and you have a heaping helping of suck that hurts to breathe near.
This is easily the most obscure story I’ve run, with only one like, one dislike and no comments. Maybe this’ll give it the bump it so desperately doesn’t deserve.
This is easily the most obscure story I’ve run, with only one like, one dislike and no comments. Maybe this’ll give it the bump it so desperately doesn’t deserve.
Fallen Prime: Well, so much for a Friday the 13th Netflix marathon. Where’s part five!?
RingmasterJ5: The same place all the MST3K episodes went. Anyway, hi.
Fallen: Yeah, those sons of bitches really stripped the- holy fuck. Ring!? Why are you here? How did you even get in?
Ring: I’d rather not say right now. Anyway, so, what exactly is this place?
Fallen: It’s an armory. I thought the guns and weapons would’ve given it away.
Ring: Oh, all I noticed is the gigantic wall of rusty sawblades.
Fallen: Ah, my pride and joy... the sawblades and I go way back.
Ring: Anyway, so, I heard that you normally get trapped in here and are forced to read horrible fanfiction against your will?
Fallen: Partly against my will. But let’s face it, craptastic fanfiction isn’t new to either of us. Speaking of, you answered... er, avoided the “how” question, but WHY are you here?
Ring: Er...hey, look, is that Pinkie on the monitor?
Fallen: Oh, come on, do you really think I’m going to fall for oh god she’s actually there.
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Hi, Primey! Who’s your friend?
Fallen: Oh, this guy? This is RingmasterJ5. The guy I blame for giving me my bad habit of reading bad fanfics. Willingly, I mean.
Ring: Pretty much, yeah. Anyway, continue, Pinkie. I’m anticipating what you have for Fallen.
(Right on cue, the armory doors slam shut and lock.)
Fallen: ...I probably could have milked this out longer if you hadn’t blatantly mentioned the riff she wanted.
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) Good thing, too. Your breaks are WAY too long.
Fallen: They’re not long enough...
Ring: Er...we’re both locked in? This wasn’t the plaIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII mean what torture are you going to subject the both of us to?
Fallen: Wait, were you just about to say something about a-
Pinkie: You’re gonna LOVE this one! It’s a shipping story!
Fallen: ...and?
Dash: It’s me.
Fallen: That doesn’t narrow anything down. In fact, I think it just opened it up MORE.
Ring: (visibly relieved) Oh, phew. At least it’s not the one I...never mind, just start the story.
Pinkie: You’ve got it! Get ready for “A Love for Rainbow Dash!” Hope you like alicorn OCs!
Fallen: Pinkie, as much as I like you, I’m going to strangle you in your sleep.
Ring: Can’t be as bad as Iron Clad or GR.
(Buzzer sounds.)
Fallen and Ring: We’ve got story sign!
Ring: I’ve always wanted to do that!
RingmasterJ5: The same place all the MST3K episodes went. Anyway, hi.
Fallen: Yeah, those sons of bitches really stripped the- holy fuck. Ring!? Why are you here? How did you even get in?
Ring: I’d rather not say right now. Anyway, so, what exactly is this place?
Fallen: It’s an armory. I thought the guns and weapons would’ve given it away.
Ring: Oh, all I noticed is the gigantic wall of rusty sawblades.
Fallen: Ah, my pride and joy... the sawblades and I go way back.
Ring: Anyway, so, I heard that you normally get trapped in here and are forced to read horrible fanfiction against your will?
Fallen: Partly against my will. But let’s face it, craptastic fanfiction isn’t new to either of us. Speaking of, you answered... er, avoided the “how” question, but WHY are you here?
Ring: Er...hey, look, is that Pinkie on the monitor?
Fallen: Oh, come on, do you really think I’m going to fall for oh god she’s actually there.
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Hi, Primey! Who’s your friend?
Fallen: Oh, this guy? This is RingmasterJ5. The guy I blame for giving me my bad habit of reading bad fanfics. Willingly, I mean.
Ring: Pretty much, yeah. Anyway, continue, Pinkie. I’m anticipating what you have for Fallen.
(Right on cue, the armory doors slam shut and lock.)
Fallen: ...I probably could have milked this out longer if you hadn’t blatantly mentioned the riff she wanted.
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) Good thing, too. Your breaks are WAY too long.
Fallen: They’re not long enough...
Ring: Er...we’re both locked in? This wasn’t the plaIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII mean what torture are you going to subject the both of us to?
Fallen: Wait, were you just about to say something about a-
Pinkie: You’re gonna LOVE this one! It’s a shipping story!
Fallen: ...and?
Dash: It’s me.
Fallen: That doesn’t narrow anything down. In fact, I think it just opened it up MORE.
Ring: (visibly relieved) Oh, phew. At least it’s not the one I...never mind, just start the story.
Pinkie: You’ve got it! Get ready for “A Love for Rainbow Dash!” Hope you like alicorn OCs!
Fallen: Pinkie, as much as I like you, I’m going to strangle you in your sleep.
Ring: Can’t be as bad as Iron Clad or GR.
(Buzzer sounds.)
Fallen and Ring: We’ve got story sign!
Ring: I’ve always wanted to do that!
A Love for Rainbow Dash
Fallen: That’s SUCH a reassuring title.
Ring: -flavored cupcakes.
Part I: New Arrivals to Ponyville
Fallen: That helps nothing. In fact, it promises OCs, and in my experience, that leads only to dread.
Ring: And, you know, OOC-ness. As this is a Dash-centered story, it could either be the “lovesick puppy” version or the “unfeeling rapist” version. I... kind of hope for the latter, as it’s at least interesting in a so-fucking-stupid-you-want-to-see-what-happens way.
Rainbow Dash was just going about her normal exercises of the day and avoiding work, as usual.
Fallen: So... being lazy is exercise now?
Ring: Hey, she practices to be that lazy!
The day had been quite boring so far; all her friends were busy and didn’t really want to play. They were all meeting up later for some sweets at Sugar Cube Corner, but that was hours from now. She had been going around and trying to get all her friends to do something but they all said they were busy. Pinkie was even busy, and this was an absolute shocker to Dash.
Fallen: ...she has a job, you know.
Ring: Look, one of the only times “Pinkie” is spelled right in this fic!
She could do nothing but sore over the small town
Fallen: I didn’t think cramps were contagious.
Ring: Yep, they are. She’s raining as many little cramp-germs as she can all over the entire town, so they can all SUFFER LIKE SHE HAS. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
and watch everybody at work. She herself refused to work, and there really wasn’t that much to do anyway.
Fallen: That usually means Wonderbolts training. She doesn’t sit there being lazy ALL the time.
Ring: Except in fanfiction, apparently.
Rainbow suffered for a few more hours
Fallen: Wow, how bad were those cramps?
before she made her way to Sugar Cube Corner. She walked into the building and everyone was there. Twilight, Pinky Pie,
Fallen: Oh, now I’m sad.
Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, as well as Applebloom,
Fallen: It’s two goddamn words.
Ring: Eh, I don’t mind that one either way. The “Pinky” spelling, however...WHY.
Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, were all there. “Ooo Rainbow Dash you’re here you’re here you’re here you’re here you’re here!” said Pinky Pie. Pinkie
Fallen: (twitch)
Ring: ...How did he not see that. Seriously, it’s right there.
bounced around and then went into the kitchen to get cupcakes. “Sorry it to so long Rainbow Dash, it’s been a busy day for us all,” said Twilight. “Naw its okay I managed to find stuff to do,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: You... so didn’t. Also, multi-speaker paragraphs. Twilight would have an aneurysm if she were here.
Ring: Speaking of, where is everyone? Isn’t there normally a pony or two riffing on the fic with us?
Fallen: Eh. I didn’t question it when that Anon kid was in here, and I’m not questioning it now.
Ring: I just wouldn’t want them to miss out on what we have...being riffed hear! That’s definitely what I meant to say. Spelling mistake and all.
Pinkie brought out a bunch of cupcakes and they dug in. They kept eating cupcakes that Pinky kept bringing out; she had new recipes she wanted them to try. “Pinky, how many of these do we have to eat?” asked Applejack. “Oh not too many more,” said Pinky. That was a lie.
Fallen: ...not the right kind of cake, but sure.
Pinky just kept bringing them out until they were all full to bursting.
Fallen: Insert reference to the Mr. Creosote sketch here.
After the cupcakes they all just sat around and talked. There was a ringing of the door opening and they all turned and looked. Two ponies and a filly that they had never seen before walked in. They were all Alicorn ponies,
Fallen: The only thing keeping me from shooting myself is not knowing what I want to do it with.
Ring: Easy. If your armory is big enough to have cannons, smelt a bunch of your sawblades down into a large, rusty ball of absolute pain and shoot yourself point-blank with that. ...Actually, I can do the honors for you!
Fallen: Lay one finger on the sawblades and you lose all of them.
Ring: You’d still have them, they’d just be in the form of a BALL OF ABSOLUTE PAIN.
very odd considering the only Alicorns were the royal family members. The oldest was black and he had purple hair.
Fallen: ADULT RULE 63 NYX! ABORT! ABORT!
Ring: I’m sure that’s a color of a LTD OC. Either way, ABORT! ABORT!
The middle pony was purple and had black hair.
Fallen: INVERTED ADULT NYX! ABORT! ABORT!
Ring: Still an LTD OC, I think. Still attempting to abort.
The little filly was a dark purple and had black and purple hair.
Fallen: ...yeah, fuck it, still abort.
Ring: You’re a few years too late for that, aren’t you?
None of the girls had ever seen them before. The oldest walked up to the counter and picked up his order and then they left. “They must be new in town,” said Twilight.
Fallen: Hey, remember how big a deal it was that they were alicorns? Go back to when that was happening.
“Yeah, we should go over and introduce ourselves er something,” said Applejack. “Oh goodie new people,” said Pinkie Pie as she jumped up and down. “Yes, that does sound like a good idea,” said Fluttershy.
Fallen: “Oh goodie new people” is a Fluttershy-endorsed idea.
“What do you think Rainbow Dash?” asked Rarity. Rainbow Dash wasn’t paying attention, she was staring at the male pony that had just left.
Fallen: GAG.
“Rainbow Dash…Rainbow Dash!” said Twilight. “Wha…what. Oh yeah sure,” said Rainbow Dash. All she friends stared at her and she smiled nervously.
Fallen: She’s learning from the Lance Greenfield School of Romantic Pacing.
Ring: I thought that was renamed to the Samantha Wayne School after Rob Bricken’s infamous discovery on August 17th, 2012.
Fallen: A Topless Robot plug? This early?
Ring: Why not?
Through asking around and looking around they figured out where the new ponies were living. The older girl answered the door and let them in.
Fallen: Caffeine and cocaine. That’s the only explanation for this pacing.
The other two ponies came out from the kitchen. They all introduced themselves. “It is good to meet all of you. I am Mayhem
Fallen: ...I may need to do the ball-of-absolute-pain thing at some point.
Ring: Here’s the welding torch, go crazy.
and these are my sisters Annabell and Midnight,”
Ring:Looks like Past Sins MST-era Midnight Shadow finally got his wish after all...but now he’s stuck here. I’ll just... leave him to his fate.
said Mayhem. He spoke with a very different accent. Turns out they were from London, Wingland.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.
Ring: ...Why. Just... why.
“Well why have you ended up in Ponyville?” asked Rarity, “I would certainly not want to leave a city that regal.” “Well I’m helping a friend and her roommate open up a music shop here in town. You may know them, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Stop making me headdesk! You’ll make me get dain bramage!
Ring: *makes note to build one of Nash’s head-bang walls*
They all did know Vinyl and Octavia. “So…so you’re a musician then?” asked Rainbow Dash. She had not spoken since they got here. “Yes I am. I play guitar, bass, drums, ukulele, Mandolin, piano, and organ. I’m also a singer in my band,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: No. This cannot be a genuine thing. You’re Gary Stu-ing far too hard for this story, and you’ve only just been introduced!
Ring: You’ve clearly never seen the Batman fic from Topless Robot I referenced above. You’d know this shit, and more, is fully possible.
Fallen: No, I... I saw it. But that bitch was supposed to be a special case!
Ring: We’ve been over this. GR exists. Iron Clad exists. THESE THINGS EXIST.
Rainbow Dash just stared and didn’t say much. “So you’re in a band, that is cool,” said Twilight. “Yeah, they are coming by here in a week. Were gonna give Ponyville a complementary concert,”
Ring: I’d say you’re using the wrong “complimentary”, but I guess yours works in a weird, drilling-explosive-holy-silkworms-into-my-skull way.
said Mayhem. “So, what do you do Annabell?” asked Applejack.
Fallen: Probably/hopefully nothing.
Ring: “Oh, I’m just the token girl to make it seem less like the au-er, Mayhem just came here out of nowhere to sweep Rainbow off her hooves. I’m horrible at this, aren’t I?”
Annabell jumped when they spoke to her. “Oh…well I write poetry and short stories,” said Annabell quietly. Annabell seemed pretty shy. “So, what kind of stories?” asked Fluttershy. “Oh you probably wouldn’t like it, it’s all dark and scary stuff,” said Annabell.
Fallen: So... Mayhem is guy Nyx and Annabell is pony Ebony.
Ring: Isn’t there already a pony Enoby in that “im nut ok i promiss” fic?
Fallen: This is just proof that they’re breeding. And learning basic English.
They all looked over to see what the little girls were going. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were talking with Midnight and they were all bouncing around.
Fallen: I knew strapping springs to the soles of their hooves was a bad idea...
“Applejack, can we go take Midnight to our secret club house. Please please please please please!” said Applebloom. They looked at Mayhem and he nodded. “Okay that’s fine, but don’t stay out to long ya here,” said Applejack. The girls all left the house to go play.
Fallen: Look at this. Take a good, long, hard look. This is the death of pacing.
“Do you lady’s want any tea?” asked Mayhem. They all said they would love tea. Mayhem went into the kitchen and in twenty minutes came out with a large pot of tea and cups.
Fallen: Oh my god, slow down and explain your shit!
“I hope black tea is okay, I grow my own tea leaves. I’ve got cream and sugar as well,” said Mayhem. They all grabbed cups and just talked. Annabell and Fluttershy were pretty quiet, but that seemed to be normal.
Fallen: I know Rainbow X Mayhem is going to be a thing, but... is it gonna do Fluttershy X Annabell too?
Rainbow Dash, who was always talkative, was quiet. They had their fun and felt it was time to leave. Fluttershy had asked Annabell to come over tomorrow, Annabell offered to help Fluttershy with some of the animals.
Fallen: You should be using dialogue to explain this. This is just like a fucking Mykan story...
Ring: At least Mykan knew to give new speakers their own paragraphs. This is just a big ol’ wall of text.
Fallen: We just... compared Mykan favorably to this. God help us all.
Rainbow Dash was the last one leaving when Mayhem stopped her. “Hey, Rainbow Dash is it. You should come by my store tomorrow, maybe we can get some lunch or something while I’m on break,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash blushed and nodded, affirming that she would come by.
Fallen: Please let me hurt the universe.
Ring: Didn’t that already happen twice in that first fic you riffed, by some really deranged troll author?
Fallen: ...
Rainbow Dash was so excited she couldn’t sleep at all. She tried so she could make sure that she looked good.
Fallen: Rendered silent and caring about her appearance. This is “lovesick puppy” Dash, isn’t it.
Ring: There’s a certain scale I use to measure my hate for awful Dash characterization. And that is, “If 'Cupcakes' started right in the middle of the fic, would I cheer it on?” So far, that’s almost always been “yes” with these fics.
Mayhem told her to come by around twelve o’clock. She spent the time before that going to work and clearing the clouds.
Fallen: GASP! She’s actually DOING HER JOB!?
Five minutes before twelve she made her way to the music shop. When she got there it was quite busy. Mayhem was behind the counter helping customers. “Hi love,
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
just give me a second to finish up and then we can head out,” said Mayhem. He finished up and then they left the shop and went to the café. “Lunch is on me, order whatever you want love,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: STOP SAYING LOVE.
Rainbow Dash giggled and ordered a hay and dandelion salad. Mayhem got himself a hay bacon
Ring: This shouldn’t be a thing.
mushroom burger. “So Rainbow Dash, I’ve heard quite a bit about you,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash giggled. “Like what?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Well I’ve heard about how you have accomplished the sonic rainboom twice.
Fallen: Three times. And considering this came out in August, there was no reason for him to not know of the third.
I’ve heard you are the fastest in Equestria. I must say I am quite impressed,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash smiled and blushed. “Yeah guess that is all true,” laughed Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: That was almost modest. DASH DOES NOT EQUAL MODEST.
They had their lunch and then they decided to go on a short fly. Normally Rainbow Dash liked to turn short flies into races, but not this time. After their short fly Mayhem said he had to get back to work but he would meet up with Rainbow Dash tonight. She was so happy that he said this.
Ring: Seriously, can "Cupcakes" please just... start now?
She spent the rest of the day lazily floating around in the skies, until she ran into Twilight’s house without realizing it.
Fallen: Ah, Rainbow Dash crashing into the library. Another of those once-a-fic cliches.
“Oh sorry Twilight, I wasn’t paying attention,” said Rainbow Dash. Twilight used some magic to pick up the books Rainbow Dash had knocked over. “Oh it’s okay, but are you alright. You really haven’t been yourself lately,” said Twilight.
Fallen: When a character within your shitty story calls someone out for being OOC, there’s a serious fucking problem.
“Oh I don’t know, I’ve felt weird lately to. I went to lunch with Mayhem today so I don’t know,” said Rainbow Dash. Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash and smiled. “Oh Rainbow Dash you must like Mayhem, but you only met him yesterday how is that possible?” asked Twilight.
Fallen: And she’s gunning for the plot holes too? I fucking love you, Twilight Sparkle.
“Well, to tell you the truth I’ve seen him before. He was in the class a few years before mine in flight school, I just don’t think he remembers me at all,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
“You should tell him them Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight. “Are you sure Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash nervously. Twilight nodded her head.
Ring: And... suddenly all hope I had for Twilight’s characterization is lost.
Fallen: Well, this is the end of “Part I.” I think it’s time for a break-
Pinkie: (from TV) Nope! You’re blasting through this one in one go!
Fallen: IN YOUR SLEEP, Pie.
Ring: Pinkie, is everything coming along on that...thing?
Pinkie: Yes, but OOH A STORY!
Ring: Right. Well, Fallen, forget what you just heard and keep on riffing.
Fallen: ...what does “forget” mean?
Ring: It means that you are going to want to use that ball of absolute pain very soon. Anyway, more fic.
Part II: The Question
Fallen: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight. The question which must never be answered.
Ring: “Why do so many people on this site have horrible taste in fiction?”
Rainbow Dash met with Mayhem the next day and told him what she knew. He told her that he already had come to that conclusion.
Fallen: Either because he’s psychic or he read ahead in the script.
Ring: He’s a Stu, so can it be anything besides the first one?
“I wasn’t 100% sure but now you have confirmed it,” said Mayhem. This made Rainbow Dash happy. “So what do you want to do today Rainbow Dash?” asked Mayhem. “You don’t really need to call me that. Call me Dash or if you want to Dashie,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: Ooh, Pinkie’s gonna be PISSED...
Ring: If, you know, she actually was in-character here.
“Umm…okay then so what do you want to do today Dashie?” asked Mayhem. Rainbow Dash blushed a giggled. “Well, I really don’t know,” said Rainbow Dash. “Hmm, I got an idea let’s go my house and I’ll play some different songs and instruments for you,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Dude, stop encouraging her. It’s only making her love for you stronger. And you’re scum enough as it is.
Ring: And OF COURSE he’s skilled at not one, but MULTIPLE instruments. And I bet he can play them all at the same time with his alicorn magic, can’t he.
No one was at the house when they got there. Annabell was at Fluttershy’s and Midnight was playing with Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.
Fallen: I’d say this would lead to sex if this weren’t rated Everyone.
Ring: Still could, just offscreen.
Mayhem made some tea and then took Rainbow Dash up to his music room. That was an understatement; the room was more like a recording studio. Dozens of instruments including a grand piano and a pipe organ, recording equipment, and even DJ equipment and computer system set up.
Fallen: He’d have to be rich to set all that up. But being a Gary Stu, he probably is.
Mayhem played some of his band’s music for Rainbow Dash, which she loved. He also played her a piano piece that he was working on. He called it The Princesses Lullaby. He even let Rainbow Dash try her hands at some of the instruments.
Fallen: Imagine how tricky that is with hooves.
Mayhem made them lunch and they sat outside while they ate. “You’ve treated me so nicely Mayhem. You are a real gentleman,” said Rainbow Dash. “Thank you Dash, you are really sweet,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: She’s not really.
Ring: This isn’t Dash, it’s the lovesick-puppy-OOC “Dashie”.
Mayhem sat down next to Rainbow Dash and they looked into each other’s eyes. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and moved in when she felt Mayhem’s hoof on her lips. “Not now, I want you but it is too early,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Oh, like you know what pacing is.
Ring: “Isn’t that when you trot around the room thinking about something?”
Rainbow Dash understood, Mayhem was just trying to be chivalrous. “However Dashie I do want to spend more time with you, if that is okay with you,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash smiled and blushed and nodded her head.
Mayhem and Rainbow Dash’s relationship blossomed from that point on.
Fallen: Weeds can blossom?
Ring: No, but clearly quite a bit was involved in this relationship.
They were together always if they weren’t working. Rainbow Dash’s friends began to notice this relationship and were very happy for her.
Fallen: Not overtly, anyway. But deep down, they were ashamed of her.
They had not kissed yet but they had moved on to hugging.
Fallen: WHOA! Too serious! Slow the fuck down!
Rainbow Dash was still waiting for them to kiss but Mayhem wanted to wait. Mayhem did let Rainbow Dash, as well as all her friends, know about the concert that was going to be held in Ponyville featuring DJ works from Vinyl and music from Mayhem and his band.
Fallen: His one-pony band.
Ring: “Mayhem: Me, Myself, and I”
He was going to make sure they would get the best seats in the house. A few days before the concert Rainbow Dash was having a hard time sleeping, she was having bizarre dreams about Pinkie Pie turning her into a cupcake.
Fallen: And fanon pandering. As if this story wasn’t insulting enough.
Ring: Seriously, can those just...not be dreams, now? Can this version of “Dashie” just die so this fic can be over... wait, the Stu would just find some bullshit way to revive her, wouldn’t he?
She had woken up crying for the second time now. It wasn’t very late at night and she had gone to bed super early. There was a knock on the door and she went downstairs and opened the door. Mayhem was at the door and he had his guitar with him. “Hey band practice got over early I thought…
Fallen: I somehow doubt thinking is within your power.
Ring: Nah, he can think. Just about nothing but music and “Dashie”.
are you okay Dashie?” asked Mayhem. She shook her head and some tears fell off her face. “I’m having horrible nightmares,” cried Rainbow Dash. Mayhem comforted her with a hug and took her upstairs.
Fallen: Nice to know that was relevant to the plot.
Ring: It’s obvious that the only thing this author cares about here is the other kind.
She crawled into bed and he stroked her hair softly. Rainbow Dash was still crying so Mayhem pulled out his guitar and started playing softly for her. He was playing The Princesses Lullaby for her.
Fallen: At least the author didn’t try to write the song.
Ring: Or copy-paste any lyrics.
She could feel her eyes get droopy and when he finished she was about to fall asleep. “I love you Dashie,” said Mayhem. He walked over to the bed and gave her a kiss. This was the first time he kissed her and she
Fallen: imploded upon impact.
Ring: Ooh, can this story end now? Oh, wait, bullshit revival.
blushed. “Mmm I love you to.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just have one question,” said Rainbow Dash, “Can you please stay with me?” Mayhem nodded and sat down on the floor right next to the bed. “Don’t be silly you’re not sleeping on the floor. Come to bed with me,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: Can you use any word besides “said?”
Ring: Well, at least she didn’t “offer”.
“Are you sure?” asked Mayhem. She nodded so he got up from the floor and got into bed with her. He cuddled up to her and she snuggled closer to his body for the extra warmth. He kissed her again and then they both fell asleep.
Fallen: I’m right with them there.
They slept all through the night and most of the morning. What woke them both up was the sound of coming into Rainbow Dash’s house.
Ring: TMI, story. TMI.
“Rainbow Dash, are you here. You offered to help me move around some of the critters.” It was Fluttershy.
Ring: Who apparently just barges into people’s houses now.
Rainbow Dash and Mayhem looked at each other but if was too late, Fluttershy walked into the room. “Oh…OH!” yelled Fluttershy. She flew out of the room in a hurry. “Wait Fluttershy it’s not what you think,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: It’s only not what she thinks if she thinks it’s an entirely chaste act.
Mayhem got out of bed. “I’ll go after her, come find me once you’re ready,” said Mayhem. He gave her a kiss and went after Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash yawned and got out of bed. She really hoped that Mayhem would catch up to Fluttershy.
Fallen: Not that hard to do.
Mayhem flew around Ponyville and eventually spotted Fluttershy, who was taking to all the other girls. Mayhem landed and galloped towards them. They saw him coming and they all glared at him. “If you could just let…” “You, you…how could you do that to her,” said Twilight as she cut him off.
Fallen: Wow. The way they’re reacting, you’d think he raped her.
They began to move in on him. “We thought you were a nice guy, but how could you do that to Rainbow Dash,” said Applejack. They all glared at him. “If you would just let me…” said Mayhem. “Oh we don’t want to hear it,” said Rarity.
Ring: “Go back to Unicornicopia, we don’t want you here.”
Mayhem wasn’t getting anywhere so he decided to go get Rainbow Dash. He took off into the sky to go and find Rainbow Dash, but Twilight used magic to stop him. Now he was getting angry. His horn began to glow purple and Twilight’s magical hold was shattered by a blast from his horn.
Ring: Is...is he stealing Twilight’s magic?
Fallen: Doesn’t matter how he’s doing it, he shouldn’t be able to.
Mayhem fell to the ground and he began to change. His eyes turned to dragon eyes and they turned red. His hair and mane turned to fire.
Ring: “I HAVE ACHIEVED ULTIMATE STU. BOW BEFORE ME!”
They all screamed and backed against the wall. Mayhem turned back to normal and walked towards them. “Now that I have your attention,” said Mayhem.
Ring: Okay, this guy needs to just...die. Hell, I’d be fine if he was captured by the humans from “The Br...er, nevermind.
“WAIT!!!” yelled Rainbow Dash from the sky. Rainbow Dash landed next to him. “He didn’t do what you think he did. He was just keeping me company last night because I was having a hard time sleeping. He didn’t do anything to me,” cried Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: “Okay! We instantly believe you!”
Ring: “Yeah! It’s not like Stockholm Syndrome is a thing!”
Rainbow Dash turned and looked at Mayhem. “I need to ask though, what was that?” asked Rainbow Dash. “That’s part of my stage act, I use magic to change my appearance. However one of the spells messed up and now when I get angry that happens,” said Mayhem. Mayhem turned to Rainbow Dash’s friends, who were all still cowering in fear, Fluttershy was even crying.
Fallen: That’s it. Mayhem dies.
“I’m so sorry, I got out of control there, please forgive me I just wanted to get my point across and you ladies kept interrupting me,” said Mayhem. They nodded but kept cowering. Mayhem turned to Rainbow Dash. “I have to go love, but I’ll come get you for lunch later,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: “Pegasi are delicious...”
Ring: “I have to go see Pinkie, I’ve heard that she can do something about my...cravings.”
Part III: The Concert Nobody Will Forget
Ring: Except for all the readers.
Fallen: What concert?
Within the next few days Ponyville was getting ready for the concert from Vinyl and Mayhem’s band.
Ring: Vinyl was doing this by consuming as much alcohol as possible before the big day, trying to find SOME way to make Mayhem sound good. She still hasn’t.
The stage was set up in the middle of the town and everyone was excited. Rainbow Dash didn’t see Mayhem that often because he was busy with band practice
Ring: AKA “cheating on her with his groupies”
so she spent a lot of time with her friends until the day of the concert. It was being held in the afternoon. Mayhem made sure that Rainbow Dash, her friends, and his sister’s had the best seats in the house.
Fallen: In the spot where the sound of his music and voice was negated the most.
They their early
Fallen: 4QT3;OUFHIEW/
so they could get situated. Vinyl went through her whole show and then it was time for Mayhem’s band. It was different music then they expected, heavy rock.
Ring: Turned out that Mayhem was just the bus driver, and the ones really about to play were called “The Electric Mayhem”. ...Hey, at least it’d make for a better fic than this.
Fallen: No comment on the choice of genre, since most of the stuff I listen to is actually HEAVIER.
Ring: Eh, I’m more into “pirate rock” things like Alestorm.
Rainbow Dash loved it. Her friends were shocked at first but then they go use to it. They went through a bunch of songs and then Mayhem stopped the band.
Ring: The band then learned that they should have never hired a Unicornicopian for a bus driver, it’s a country known to hate anything that’s not okay for preschoolers.
“Now I have a request before we move on. Would the beautiful Rainbow Dash please come up to the stage,”
Ring: “Get off the stage, you’re just the bus driver!” Also, seriously, death. Death must happen to this guy.
said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash blushed a lot and she flew up to the stage. “I have a surprise for you love, hit it guys,” said Mayhem. They started playing, but it was different music this time. Rainbow Dash recognized it, it was The Princesses Lullaby, but it was different. It was heavier and Mayhem added lyrics.
Fallen: It was the most soul-crushingly emo thing ever.
Ring: Knowing the Unicornicopians, he probably just changed the lyrics from a Strawberry Shortcake song or something. Also, I’m trying to keep my delusion of him just being the annoying bus driver of Electric Mayhem, but the story’s making that harder and harder.
When the song was over Rainbow Dash began to cry. Mayhem embraced her and kissed her. “It was all for you Dashie,” said Mayhem. They kissed and then they were about to continue but the show was interrupted. “There was a bright light that appeared in the middle of the crowd and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna appeared before everybody.
Fallen: ...what. What. WHAT.
Everyone bowed down and Twilight ran forward. “Twilight Sparkle my faithful student,” said Princess Celestia. ‘Princess Celestia…are…are you hear for the concert?” asked Twilight.
Ring: *facepalm* HERE. Not hear. HERE.
“Well not really I didn’t know it was going on. I’m really hear for.” But the Princess was interrupted by Annabell and Midnight running towards her. “Sissy!” yelled Annabell and Midnight.
Fallen: WHAT.
Everyone gasped. Celestia and Luna gave love to Annabell and Midnight. “Hello my beautiful sister’s,” said Celestia. Annabell and Midnight got next to Luna. Twilight looked at the princess with shock. “Yes my faithful student they are my sister’s. Not many people know, well until now I guess,” said Princess Celestia.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ring: And if they’re his sisters, than that must mean...No. No no no. No. NO.
There was murmering amongst the crowd and then out of nowhere Mayhem bust through the crowd. “You!” yelled Mayhem, “Why have you come here?” “Prince Mayhem
Ring: THIS STORY DESERVES A FATE WORSE THAN THE ONE I HAD FOR YOU, FALLEN.
Fallen: See? You had something planned for me. Why was that so hard to admit?
Ring: YOU DO NOT KNOW THE PAIN YOU WILL GO THROUGH.
I have come here to retrieve my siblings. However this time I’ve come for more than just Annabell and Midnight, I’ve come for you,” said Celestia. This just seemed to make Mayhem angrier. “You’re lying!” yelled Mayhem, “Why would you come for me, you have never loved me!”
Fallen: Oh, why don’t you go angst somewhere you’ll actually be wanted?
Ring: Is...is Celestia suddenly the only sensible character here?
Mayhem lost it; he changed into his evil form. His mane and tail became fire, his eyes turned red and turned into slits, the stuff that had already happened, but this time his wings turned into dragon wings.
Fallen: Shit! He’s turning into Silent Charge!
His horn began to glow and the clouds began to turn thick and grey. Lightning started to crack and the wind picked up.
Ring: Where he’s from, he’s known as the Grand Ruler.
Fallen: I don’t know. I only see one horn. And it’s not golden.
“Luna keep the young ones safe, Twilight, you and your friends get everyone away from here,” said Celestia. The weather began to get worse and the ground began to shake violently and crack. The fire that was Mayhem’s mane and tail got larger as he got angrier. As hard as Twilight and everyone else tried to get everyone to move they wouldn’t. Lightning
Ring: Hey, look, even Lightning Dawn is here. This seriously is starting to look more and more like MIB by the sentence.
began to crack and hit the ground around Mayhem. What happened next shocked everybody, Princess Celestia began to cry. “I knew I made a mistake sending you away,” cried Princess Celestia. “Why, that was probably the happiest day in your life,” yelled Mayhem.
Fallen: “It was, actually. What’s your point?”
“No Mayhem it was the worst, having to banish my brother from Canterlot. But you began to scare me Mayhem. You experimented with magic I didn’t approve of, and look what had happened. You’ve used the alteration spell too much and it was caused permanent damage. All I want to do is help you,” cried Princess Celestia.
Fallen: Hey. Author. Know how to get us emotionally invested in this scene? Pacing. AND MAKE SURE WE CARE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS BEFOREHAND.
Ring: This is definitely Mykan. I’m sure of it.
She tried to walk forward but Mayhem casted a magic barrier between the two of them. “Stay back!” yelled Mayhem. “It is as I feared,” said Princess Celestia, “This angry side has become an alternate personality,” said Princess Celestia.
Fallen: Shit! He’s turned into ShadowBlade!
Celestia backed up as Mayhem walked forwards, and Rainbow Dash suddenly got between them. “Mayhem, please stop this. I don’t like this at all. You’re scaring me,” said Rainbow Dash with eyes full of tears. Mayhem remained in anger and Rainbow Dash leaned forward and kissed him.
Fallen: The only thing I will accept happening here is the entire building exploding and taking everypony with it.
Ring: It’s times like this where I want to be able to alter stories as I’m reading them I’d love to fire as many BALLS OF ABSOLUTE PAIN as I could at this “concert”.
Mayhem got a shocked looked on his face and he slowly began to change back to normal. “Now that is the Mayhem I love,” said Rainbow Dash. Mayhem smiled at Rainbow Dash and then walked forward to Princess Celestia. “I need help,” said Mayhem.
Ring: I take it back. Mykan would NEVER say that, ever.
Princess Celestia smiled and embraced Mayhem. “And I will give you all the help you need,” said Princess Celestia. “However, I want to stay in Ponyville,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Wait, do you want help or not?
“Well…I guess that would be fine. It seems you have found something that helps you control this anger,” said Celestia. Mayhem snuggled closer to Rainbow Dash. Annabell and Midnight came forward. “We want to stay to Celestia,” said Annabell. “Well if that is what you want then it is okay,” said Celestia.
Fallen: “I WAS going to make you come back to Canterlot against your will, but since you don’t WANT to be taken against your will, you’re fine where you are.”
Annabell and Midnight joined everyone and then were all happy together. “Well if it is alright Mayhem, I would like you to continue the concert,” said Princess Celestia. Mayhem smiled at Rainbow Dash and they flew up to the stage together. Rainbow Dash was sure that they were going to be together forever.
Fallen: Not if sanity has anything to say about it. Come on, we’re done here.
Ring: Yay!
Fallen: That’s SUCH a reassuring title.
Ring: -flavored cupcakes.
Part I: New Arrivals to Ponyville
Fallen: That helps nothing. In fact, it promises OCs, and in my experience, that leads only to dread.
Ring: And, you know, OOC-ness. As this is a Dash-centered story, it could either be the “lovesick puppy” version or the “unfeeling rapist” version. I... kind of hope for the latter, as it’s at least interesting in a so-fucking-stupid-you-want-to-see-what-happens way.
Rainbow Dash was just going about her normal exercises of the day and avoiding work, as usual.
Fallen: So... being lazy is exercise now?
Ring: Hey, she practices to be that lazy!
The day had been quite boring so far; all her friends were busy and didn’t really want to play. They were all meeting up later for some sweets at Sugar Cube Corner, but that was hours from now. She had been going around and trying to get all her friends to do something but they all said they were busy. Pinkie was even busy, and this was an absolute shocker to Dash.
Fallen: ...she has a job, you know.
Ring: Look, one of the only times “Pinkie” is spelled right in this fic!
She could do nothing but sore over the small town
Fallen: I didn’t think cramps were contagious.
Ring: Yep, they are. She’s raining as many little cramp-germs as she can all over the entire town, so they can all SUFFER LIKE SHE HAS. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
and watch everybody at work. She herself refused to work, and there really wasn’t that much to do anyway.
Fallen: That usually means Wonderbolts training. She doesn’t sit there being lazy ALL the time.
Ring: Except in fanfiction, apparently.
Rainbow suffered for a few more hours
Fallen: Wow, how bad were those cramps?
before she made her way to Sugar Cube Corner. She walked into the building and everyone was there. Twilight, Pinky Pie,
Fallen: Oh, now I’m sad.
Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, as well as Applebloom,
Fallen: It’s two goddamn words.
Ring: Eh, I don’t mind that one either way. The “Pinky” spelling, however...WHY.
Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, were all there. “Ooo Rainbow Dash you’re here you’re here you’re here you’re here you’re here!” said Pinky Pie. Pinkie
Fallen: (twitch)
Ring: ...How did he not see that. Seriously, it’s right there.
bounced around and then went into the kitchen to get cupcakes. “Sorry it to so long Rainbow Dash, it’s been a busy day for us all,” said Twilight. “Naw its okay I managed to find stuff to do,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: You... so didn’t. Also, multi-speaker paragraphs. Twilight would have an aneurysm if she were here.
Ring: Speaking of, where is everyone? Isn’t there normally a pony or two riffing on the fic with us?
Fallen: Eh. I didn’t question it when that Anon kid was in here, and I’m not questioning it now.
Ring: I just wouldn’t want them to miss out on what we have...being riffed hear! That’s definitely what I meant to say. Spelling mistake and all.
Pinkie brought out a bunch of cupcakes and they dug in. They kept eating cupcakes that Pinky kept bringing out; she had new recipes she wanted them to try. “Pinky, how many of these do we have to eat?” asked Applejack. “Oh not too many more,” said Pinky. That was a lie.
Fallen: ...not the right kind of cake, but sure.
Pinky just kept bringing them out until they were all full to bursting.
Fallen: Insert reference to the Mr. Creosote sketch here.
After the cupcakes they all just sat around and talked. There was a ringing of the door opening and they all turned and looked. Two ponies and a filly that they had never seen before walked in. They were all Alicorn ponies,
Fallen: The only thing keeping me from shooting myself is not knowing what I want to do it with.
Ring: Easy. If your armory is big enough to have cannons, smelt a bunch of your sawblades down into a large, rusty ball of absolute pain and shoot yourself point-blank with that. ...Actually, I can do the honors for you!
Fallen: Lay one finger on the sawblades and you lose all of them.
Ring: You’d still have them, they’d just be in the form of a BALL OF ABSOLUTE PAIN.
very odd considering the only Alicorns were the royal family members. The oldest was black and he had purple hair.
Fallen: ADULT RULE 63 NYX! ABORT! ABORT!
Ring: I’m sure that’s a color of a LTD OC. Either way, ABORT! ABORT!
The middle pony was purple and had black hair.
Fallen: INVERTED ADULT NYX! ABORT! ABORT!
Ring: Still an LTD OC, I think. Still attempting to abort.
The little filly was a dark purple and had black and purple hair.
Fallen: ...yeah, fuck it, still abort.
Ring: You’re a few years too late for that, aren’t you?
None of the girls had ever seen them before. The oldest walked up to the counter and picked up his order and then they left. “They must be new in town,” said Twilight.
Fallen: Hey, remember how big a deal it was that they were alicorns? Go back to when that was happening.
“Yeah, we should go over and introduce ourselves er something,” said Applejack. “Oh goodie new people,” said Pinkie Pie as she jumped up and down. “Yes, that does sound like a good idea,” said Fluttershy.
Fallen: “Oh goodie new people” is a Fluttershy-endorsed idea.
“What do you think Rainbow Dash?” asked Rarity. Rainbow Dash wasn’t paying attention, she was staring at the male pony that had just left.
Fallen: GAG.
“Rainbow Dash…Rainbow Dash!” said Twilight. “Wha…what. Oh yeah sure,” said Rainbow Dash. All she friends stared at her and she smiled nervously.
Fallen: She’s learning from the Lance Greenfield School of Romantic Pacing.
Ring: I thought that was renamed to the Samantha Wayne School after Rob Bricken’s infamous discovery on August 17th, 2012.
Fallen: A Topless Robot plug? This early?
Ring: Why not?
Through asking around and looking around they figured out where the new ponies were living. The older girl answered the door and let them in.
Fallen: Caffeine and cocaine. That’s the only explanation for this pacing.
The other two ponies came out from the kitchen. They all introduced themselves. “It is good to meet all of you. I am Mayhem
Fallen: ...I may need to do the ball-of-absolute-pain thing at some point.
Ring: Here’s the welding torch, go crazy.
and these are my sisters Annabell and Midnight,”
Ring:Looks like Past Sins MST-era Midnight Shadow finally got his wish after all...but now he’s stuck here. I’ll just... leave him to his fate.
said Mayhem. He spoke with a very different accent. Turns out they were from London, Wingland.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.
Ring: ...Why. Just... why.
“Well why have you ended up in Ponyville?” asked Rarity, “I would certainly not want to leave a city that regal.” “Well I’m helping a friend and her roommate open up a music shop here in town. You may know them, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Stop making me headdesk! You’ll make me get dain bramage!
Ring: *makes note to build one of Nash’s head-bang walls*
They all did know Vinyl and Octavia. “So…so you’re a musician then?” asked Rainbow Dash. She had not spoken since they got here. “Yes I am. I play guitar, bass, drums, ukulele, Mandolin, piano, and organ. I’m also a singer in my band,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: No. This cannot be a genuine thing. You’re Gary Stu-ing far too hard for this story, and you’ve only just been introduced!
Ring: You’ve clearly never seen the Batman fic from Topless Robot I referenced above. You’d know this shit, and more, is fully possible.
Fallen: No, I... I saw it. But that bitch was supposed to be a special case!
Ring: We’ve been over this. GR exists. Iron Clad exists. THESE THINGS EXIST.
Rainbow Dash just stared and didn’t say much. “So you’re in a band, that is cool,” said Twilight. “Yeah, they are coming by here in a week. Were gonna give Ponyville a complementary concert,”
Ring: I’d say you’re using the wrong “complimentary”, but I guess yours works in a weird, drilling-explosive-holy-silkworms-into-my-skull way.
said Mayhem. “So, what do you do Annabell?” asked Applejack.
Fallen: Probably/hopefully nothing.
Ring: “Oh, I’m just the token girl to make it seem less like the au-er, Mayhem just came here out of nowhere to sweep Rainbow off her hooves. I’m horrible at this, aren’t I?”
Annabell jumped when they spoke to her. “Oh…well I write poetry and short stories,” said Annabell quietly. Annabell seemed pretty shy. “So, what kind of stories?” asked Fluttershy. “Oh you probably wouldn’t like it, it’s all dark and scary stuff,” said Annabell.
Fallen: So... Mayhem is guy Nyx and Annabell is pony Ebony.
Ring: Isn’t there already a pony Enoby in that “im nut ok i promiss” fic?
Fallen: This is just proof that they’re breeding. And learning basic English.
They all looked over to see what the little girls were going. Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were talking with Midnight and they were all bouncing around.
Fallen: I knew strapping springs to the soles of their hooves was a bad idea...
“Applejack, can we go take Midnight to our secret club house. Please please please please please!” said Applebloom. They looked at Mayhem and he nodded. “Okay that’s fine, but don’t stay out to long ya here,” said Applejack. The girls all left the house to go play.
Fallen: Look at this. Take a good, long, hard look. This is the death of pacing.
“Do you lady’s want any tea?” asked Mayhem. They all said they would love tea. Mayhem went into the kitchen and in twenty minutes came out with a large pot of tea and cups.
Fallen: Oh my god, slow down and explain your shit!
“I hope black tea is okay, I grow my own tea leaves. I’ve got cream and sugar as well,” said Mayhem. They all grabbed cups and just talked. Annabell and Fluttershy were pretty quiet, but that seemed to be normal.
Fallen: I know Rainbow X Mayhem is going to be a thing, but... is it gonna do Fluttershy X Annabell too?
Rainbow Dash, who was always talkative, was quiet. They had their fun and felt it was time to leave. Fluttershy had asked Annabell to come over tomorrow, Annabell offered to help Fluttershy with some of the animals.
Fallen: You should be using dialogue to explain this. This is just like a fucking Mykan story...
Ring: At least Mykan knew to give new speakers their own paragraphs. This is just a big ol’ wall of text.
Fallen: We just... compared Mykan favorably to this. God help us all.
Rainbow Dash was the last one leaving when Mayhem stopped her. “Hey, Rainbow Dash is it. You should come by my store tomorrow, maybe we can get some lunch or something while I’m on break,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash blushed and nodded, affirming that she would come by.
Fallen: Please let me hurt the universe.
Ring: Didn’t that already happen twice in that first fic you riffed, by some really deranged troll author?
Fallen: ...
Rainbow Dash was so excited she couldn’t sleep at all. She tried so she could make sure that she looked good.
Fallen: Rendered silent and caring about her appearance. This is “lovesick puppy” Dash, isn’t it.
Ring: There’s a certain scale I use to measure my hate for awful Dash characterization. And that is, “If 'Cupcakes' started right in the middle of the fic, would I cheer it on?” So far, that’s almost always been “yes” with these fics.
Mayhem told her to come by around twelve o’clock. She spent the time before that going to work and clearing the clouds.
Fallen: GASP! She’s actually DOING HER JOB!?
Five minutes before twelve she made her way to the music shop. When she got there it was quite busy. Mayhem was behind the counter helping customers. “Hi love,
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
just give me a second to finish up and then we can head out,” said Mayhem. He finished up and then they left the shop and went to the café. “Lunch is on me, order whatever you want love,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: STOP SAYING LOVE.
Rainbow Dash giggled and ordered a hay and dandelion salad. Mayhem got himself a hay bacon
Ring: This shouldn’t be a thing.
mushroom burger. “So Rainbow Dash, I’ve heard quite a bit about you,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash giggled. “Like what?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Well I’ve heard about how you have accomplished the sonic rainboom twice.
Fallen: Three times. And considering this came out in August, there was no reason for him to not know of the third.
I’ve heard you are the fastest in Equestria. I must say I am quite impressed,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash smiled and blushed. “Yeah guess that is all true,” laughed Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: That was almost modest. DASH DOES NOT EQUAL MODEST.
They had their lunch and then they decided to go on a short fly. Normally Rainbow Dash liked to turn short flies into races, but not this time. After their short fly Mayhem said he had to get back to work but he would meet up with Rainbow Dash tonight. She was so happy that he said this.
Ring: Seriously, can "Cupcakes" please just... start now?
She spent the rest of the day lazily floating around in the skies, until she ran into Twilight’s house without realizing it.
Fallen: Ah, Rainbow Dash crashing into the library. Another of those once-a-fic cliches.
“Oh sorry Twilight, I wasn’t paying attention,” said Rainbow Dash. Twilight used some magic to pick up the books Rainbow Dash had knocked over. “Oh it’s okay, but are you alright. You really haven’t been yourself lately,” said Twilight.
Fallen: When a character within your shitty story calls someone out for being OOC, there’s a serious fucking problem.
“Oh I don’t know, I’ve felt weird lately to. I went to lunch with Mayhem today so I don’t know,” said Rainbow Dash. Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash and smiled. “Oh Rainbow Dash you must like Mayhem, but you only met him yesterday how is that possible?” asked Twilight.
Fallen: And she’s gunning for the plot holes too? I fucking love you, Twilight Sparkle.
“Well, to tell you the truth I’ve seen him before. He was in the class a few years before mine in flight school, I just don’t think he remembers me at all,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
“You should tell him them Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight. “Are you sure Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash nervously. Twilight nodded her head.
Ring: And... suddenly all hope I had for Twilight’s characterization is lost.
Fallen: Well, this is the end of “Part I.” I think it’s time for a break-
Pinkie: (from TV) Nope! You’re blasting through this one in one go!
Fallen: IN YOUR SLEEP, Pie.
Ring: Pinkie, is everything coming along on that...thing?
Pinkie: Yes, but OOH A STORY!
Ring: Right. Well, Fallen, forget what you just heard and keep on riffing.
Fallen: ...what does “forget” mean?
Ring: It means that you are going to want to use that ball of absolute pain very soon. Anyway, more fic.
Part II: The Question
Fallen: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight. The question which must never be answered.
Ring: “Why do so many people on this site have horrible taste in fiction?”
Rainbow Dash met with Mayhem the next day and told him what she knew. He told her that he already had come to that conclusion.
Fallen: Either because he’s psychic or he read ahead in the script.
Ring: He’s a Stu, so can it be anything besides the first one?
“I wasn’t 100% sure but now you have confirmed it,” said Mayhem. This made Rainbow Dash happy. “So what do you want to do today Rainbow Dash?” asked Mayhem. “You don’t really need to call me that. Call me Dash or if you want to Dashie,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: Ooh, Pinkie’s gonna be PISSED...
Ring: If, you know, she actually was in-character here.
“Umm…okay then so what do you want to do today Dashie?” asked Mayhem. Rainbow Dash blushed a giggled. “Well, I really don’t know,” said Rainbow Dash. “Hmm, I got an idea let’s go my house and I’ll play some different songs and instruments for you,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Dude, stop encouraging her. It’s only making her love for you stronger. And you’re scum enough as it is.
Ring: And OF COURSE he’s skilled at not one, but MULTIPLE instruments. And I bet he can play them all at the same time with his alicorn magic, can’t he.
No one was at the house when they got there. Annabell was at Fluttershy’s and Midnight was playing with Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.
Fallen: I’d say this would lead to sex if this weren’t rated Everyone.
Ring: Still could, just offscreen.
Mayhem made some tea and then took Rainbow Dash up to his music room. That was an understatement; the room was more like a recording studio. Dozens of instruments including a grand piano and a pipe organ, recording equipment, and even DJ equipment and computer system set up.
Fallen: He’d have to be rich to set all that up. But being a Gary Stu, he probably is.
Mayhem played some of his band’s music for Rainbow Dash, which she loved. He also played her a piano piece that he was working on. He called it The Princesses Lullaby. He even let Rainbow Dash try her hands at some of the instruments.
Fallen: Imagine how tricky that is with hooves.
Mayhem made them lunch and they sat outside while they ate. “You’ve treated me so nicely Mayhem. You are a real gentleman,” said Rainbow Dash. “Thank you Dash, you are really sweet,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: She’s not really.
Ring: This isn’t Dash, it’s the lovesick-puppy-OOC “Dashie”.
Mayhem sat down next to Rainbow Dash and they looked into each other’s eyes. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and moved in when she felt Mayhem’s hoof on her lips. “Not now, I want you but it is too early,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Oh, like you know what pacing is.
Ring: “Isn’t that when you trot around the room thinking about something?”
Rainbow Dash understood, Mayhem was just trying to be chivalrous. “However Dashie I do want to spend more time with you, if that is okay with you,” said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash smiled and blushed and nodded her head.
Mayhem and Rainbow Dash’s relationship blossomed from that point on.
Fallen: Weeds can blossom?
Ring: No, but clearly quite a bit was involved in this relationship.
They were together always if they weren’t working. Rainbow Dash’s friends began to notice this relationship and were very happy for her.
Fallen: Not overtly, anyway. But deep down, they were ashamed of her.
They had not kissed yet but they had moved on to hugging.
Fallen: WHOA! Too serious! Slow the fuck down!
Rainbow Dash was still waiting for them to kiss but Mayhem wanted to wait. Mayhem did let Rainbow Dash, as well as all her friends, know about the concert that was going to be held in Ponyville featuring DJ works from Vinyl and music from Mayhem and his band.
Fallen: His one-pony band.
Ring: “Mayhem: Me, Myself, and I”
He was going to make sure they would get the best seats in the house. A few days before the concert Rainbow Dash was having a hard time sleeping, she was having bizarre dreams about Pinkie Pie turning her into a cupcake.
Fallen: And fanon pandering. As if this story wasn’t insulting enough.
Ring: Seriously, can those just...not be dreams, now? Can this version of “Dashie” just die so this fic can be over... wait, the Stu would just find some bullshit way to revive her, wouldn’t he?
She had woken up crying for the second time now. It wasn’t very late at night and she had gone to bed super early. There was a knock on the door and she went downstairs and opened the door. Mayhem was at the door and he had his guitar with him. “Hey band practice got over early I thought…
Fallen: I somehow doubt thinking is within your power.
Ring: Nah, he can think. Just about nothing but music and “Dashie”.
are you okay Dashie?” asked Mayhem. She shook her head and some tears fell off her face. “I’m having horrible nightmares,” cried Rainbow Dash. Mayhem comforted her with a hug and took her upstairs.
Fallen: Nice to know that was relevant to the plot.
Ring: It’s obvious that the only thing this author cares about here is the other kind.
She crawled into bed and he stroked her hair softly. Rainbow Dash was still crying so Mayhem pulled out his guitar and started playing softly for her. He was playing The Princesses Lullaby for her.
Fallen: At least the author didn’t try to write the song.
Ring: Or copy-paste any lyrics.
She could feel her eyes get droopy and when he finished she was about to fall asleep. “I love you Dashie,” said Mayhem. He walked over to the bed and gave her a kiss. This was the first time he kissed her and she
Fallen: imploded upon impact.
Ring: Ooh, can this story end now? Oh, wait, bullshit revival.
blushed. “Mmm I love you to.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just have one question,” said Rainbow Dash, “Can you please stay with me?” Mayhem nodded and sat down on the floor right next to the bed. “Don’t be silly you’re not sleeping on the floor. Come to bed with me,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: Can you use any word besides “said?”
Ring: Well, at least she didn’t “offer”.
“Are you sure?” asked Mayhem. She nodded so he got up from the floor and got into bed with her. He cuddled up to her and she snuggled closer to his body for the extra warmth. He kissed her again and then they both fell asleep.
Fallen: I’m right with them there.
They slept all through the night and most of the morning. What woke them both up was the sound of coming into Rainbow Dash’s house.
Ring: TMI, story. TMI.
“Rainbow Dash, are you here. You offered to help me move around some of the critters.” It was Fluttershy.
Ring: Who apparently just barges into people’s houses now.
Rainbow Dash and Mayhem looked at each other but if was too late, Fluttershy walked into the room. “Oh…OH!” yelled Fluttershy. She flew out of the room in a hurry. “Wait Fluttershy it’s not what you think,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: It’s only not what she thinks if she thinks it’s an entirely chaste act.
Mayhem got out of bed. “I’ll go after her, come find me once you’re ready,” said Mayhem. He gave her a kiss and went after Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash yawned and got out of bed. She really hoped that Mayhem would catch up to Fluttershy.
Fallen: Not that hard to do.
Mayhem flew around Ponyville and eventually spotted Fluttershy, who was taking to all the other girls. Mayhem landed and galloped towards them. They saw him coming and they all glared at him. “If you could just let…” “You, you…how could you do that to her,” said Twilight as she cut him off.
Fallen: Wow. The way they’re reacting, you’d think he raped her.
They began to move in on him. “We thought you were a nice guy, but how could you do that to Rainbow Dash,” said Applejack. They all glared at him. “If you would just let me…” said Mayhem. “Oh we don’t want to hear it,” said Rarity.
Ring: “Go back to Unicornicopia, we don’t want you here.”
Mayhem wasn’t getting anywhere so he decided to go get Rainbow Dash. He took off into the sky to go and find Rainbow Dash, but Twilight used magic to stop him. Now he was getting angry. His horn began to glow purple and Twilight’s magical hold was shattered by a blast from his horn.
Ring: Is...is he stealing Twilight’s magic?
Fallen: Doesn’t matter how he’s doing it, he shouldn’t be able to.
Mayhem fell to the ground and he began to change. His eyes turned to dragon eyes and they turned red. His hair and mane turned to fire.
Ring: “I HAVE ACHIEVED ULTIMATE STU. BOW BEFORE ME!”
They all screamed and backed against the wall. Mayhem turned back to normal and walked towards them. “Now that I have your attention,” said Mayhem.
Ring: Okay, this guy needs to just...die. Hell, I’d be fine if he was captured by the humans from “The Br...er, nevermind.
“WAIT!!!” yelled Rainbow Dash from the sky. Rainbow Dash landed next to him. “He didn’t do what you think he did. He was just keeping me company last night because I was having a hard time sleeping. He didn’t do anything to me,” cried Rainbow Dash.
Fallen: “Okay! We instantly believe you!”
Ring: “Yeah! It’s not like Stockholm Syndrome is a thing!”
Rainbow Dash turned and looked at Mayhem. “I need to ask though, what was that?” asked Rainbow Dash. “That’s part of my stage act, I use magic to change my appearance. However one of the spells messed up and now when I get angry that happens,” said Mayhem. Mayhem turned to Rainbow Dash’s friends, who were all still cowering in fear, Fluttershy was even crying.
Fallen: That’s it. Mayhem dies.
“I’m so sorry, I got out of control there, please forgive me I just wanted to get my point across and you ladies kept interrupting me,” said Mayhem. They nodded but kept cowering. Mayhem turned to Rainbow Dash. “I have to go love, but I’ll come get you for lunch later,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: “Pegasi are delicious...”
Ring: “I have to go see Pinkie, I’ve heard that she can do something about my...cravings.”
Part III: The Concert Nobody Will Forget
Ring: Except for all the readers.
Fallen: What concert?
Within the next few days Ponyville was getting ready for the concert from Vinyl and Mayhem’s band.
Ring: Vinyl was doing this by consuming as much alcohol as possible before the big day, trying to find SOME way to make Mayhem sound good. She still hasn’t.
The stage was set up in the middle of the town and everyone was excited. Rainbow Dash didn’t see Mayhem that often because he was busy with band practice
Ring: AKA “cheating on her with his groupies”
so she spent a lot of time with her friends until the day of the concert. It was being held in the afternoon. Mayhem made sure that Rainbow Dash, her friends, and his sister’s had the best seats in the house.
Fallen: In the spot where the sound of his music and voice was negated the most.
They their early
Fallen: 4QT3;OUFHIEW/
so they could get situated. Vinyl went through her whole show and then it was time for Mayhem’s band. It was different music then they expected, heavy rock.
Ring: Turned out that Mayhem was just the bus driver, and the ones really about to play were called “The Electric Mayhem”. ...Hey, at least it’d make for a better fic than this.
Fallen: No comment on the choice of genre, since most of the stuff I listen to is actually HEAVIER.
Ring: Eh, I’m more into “pirate rock” things like Alestorm.
Rainbow Dash loved it. Her friends were shocked at first but then they go use to it. They went through a bunch of songs and then Mayhem stopped the band.
Ring: The band then learned that they should have never hired a Unicornicopian for a bus driver, it’s a country known to hate anything that’s not okay for preschoolers.
“Now I have a request before we move on. Would the beautiful Rainbow Dash please come up to the stage,”
Ring: “Get off the stage, you’re just the bus driver!” Also, seriously, death. Death must happen to this guy.
said Mayhem. Rainbow Dash blushed a lot and she flew up to the stage. “I have a surprise for you love, hit it guys,” said Mayhem. They started playing, but it was different music this time. Rainbow Dash recognized it, it was The Princesses Lullaby, but it was different. It was heavier and Mayhem added lyrics.
Fallen: It was the most soul-crushingly emo thing ever.
Ring: Knowing the Unicornicopians, he probably just changed the lyrics from a Strawberry Shortcake song or something. Also, I’m trying to keep my delusion of him just being the annoying bus driver of Electric Mayhem, but the story’s making that harder and harder.
When the song was over Rainbow Dash began to cry. Mayhem embraced her and kissed her. “It was all for you Dashie,” said Mayhem. They kissed and then they were about to continue but the show was interrupted. “There was a bright light that appeared in the middle of the crowd and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna appeared before everybody.
Fallen: ...what. What. WHAT.
Everyone bowed down and Twilight ran forward. “Twilight Sparkle my faithful student,” said Princess Celestia. ‘Princess Celestia…are…are you hear for the concert?” asked Twilight.
Ring: *facepalm* HERE. Not hear. HERE.
“Well not really I didn’t know it was going on. I’m really hear for.” But the Princess was interrupted by Annabell and Midnight running towards her. “Sissy!” yelled Annabell and Midnight.
Fallen: WHAT.
Everyone gasped. Celestia and Luna gave love to Annabell and Midnight. “Hello my beautiful sister’s,” said Celestia. Annabell and Midnight got next to Luna. Twilight looked at the princess with shock. “Yes my faithful student they are my sister’s. Not many people know, well until now I guess,” said Princess Celestia.
Fallen: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ring: And if they’re his sisters, than that must mean...No. No no no. No. NO.
There was murmering amongst the crowd and then out of nowhere Mayhem bust through the crowd. “You!” yelled Mayhem, “Why have you come here?” “Prince Mayhem
Ring: THIS STORY DESERVES A FATE WORSE THAN THE ONE I HAD FOR YOU, FALLEN.
Fallen: See? You had something planned for me. Why was that so hard to admit?
Ring: YOU DO NOT KNOW THE PAIN YOU WILL GO THROUGH.
I have come here to retrieve my siblings. However this time I’ve come for more than just Annabell and Midnight, I’ve come for you,” said Celestia. This just seemed to make Mayhem angrier. “You’re lying!” yelled Mayhem, “Why would you come for me, you have never loved me!”
Fallen: Oh, why don’t you go angst somewhere you’ll actually be wanted?
Ring: Is...is Celestia suddenly the only sensible character here?
Mayhem lost it; he changed into his evil form. His mane and tail became fire, his eyes turned red and turned into slits, the stuff that had already happened, but this time his wings turned into dragon wings.
Fallen: Shit! He’s turning into Silent Charge!
His horn began to glow and the clouds began to turn thick and grey. Lightning started to crack and the wind picked up.
Ring: Where he’s from, he’s known as the Grand Ruler.
Fallen: I don’t know. I only see one horn. And it’s not golden.
“Luna keep the young ones safe, Twilight, you and your friends get everyone away from here,” said Celestia. The weather began to get worse and the ground began to shake violently and crack. The fire that was Mayhem’s mane and tail got larger as he got angrier. As hard as Twilight and everyone else tried to get everyone to move they wouldn’t. Lightning
Ring: Hey, look, even Lightning Dawn is here. This seriously is starting to look more and more like MIB by the sentence.
began to crack and hit the ground around Mayhem. What happened next shocked everybody, Princess Celestia began to cry. “I knew I made a mistake sending you away,” cried Princess Celestia. “Why, that was probably the happiest day in your life,” yelled Mayhem.
Fallen: “It was, actually. What’s your point?”
“No Mayhem it was the worst, having to banish my brother from Canterlot. But you began to scare me Mayhem. You experimented with magic I didn’t approve of, and look what had happened. You’ve used the alteration spell too much and it was caused permanent damage. All I want to do is help you,” cried Princess Celestia.
Fallen: Hey. Author. Know how to get us emotionally invested in this scene? Pacing. AND MAKE SURE WE CARE ABOUT THE CHARACTERS BEFOREHAND.
Ring: This is definitely Mykan. I’m sure of it.
She tried to walk forward but Mayhem casted a magic barrier between the two of them. “Stay back!” yelled Mayhem. “It is as I feared,” said Princess Celestia, “This angry side has become an alternate personality,” said Princess Celestia.
Fallen: Shit! He’s turned into ShadowBlade!
Celestia backed up as Mayhem walked forwards, and Rainbow Dash suddenly got between them. “Mayhem, please stop this. I don’t like this at all. You’re scaring me,” said Rainbow Dash with eyes full of tears. Mayhem remained in anger and Rainbow Dash leaned forward and kissed him.
Fallen: The only thing I will accept happening here is the entire building exploding and taking everypony with it.
Ring: It’s times like this where I want to be able to alter stories as I’m reading them I’d love to fire as many BALLS OF ABSOLUTE PAIN as I could at this “concert”.
Mayhem got a shocked looked on his face and he slowly began to change back to normal. “Now that is the Mayhem I love,” said Rainbow Dash. Mayhem smiled at Rainbow Dash and then walked forward to Princess Celestia. “I need help,” said Mayhem.
Ring: I take it back. Mykan would NEVER say that, ever.
Princess Celestia smiled and embraced Mayhem. “And I will give you all the help you need,” said Princess Celestia. “However, I want to stay in Ponyville,” said Mayhem.
Fallen: Wait, do you want help or not?
“Well…I guess that would be fine. It seems you have found something that helps you control this anger,” said Celestia. Mayhem snuggled closer to Rainbow Dash. Annabell and Midnight came forward. “We want to stay to Celestia,” said Annabell. “Well if that is what you want then it is okay,” said Celestia.
Fallen: “I WAS going to make you come back to Canterlot against your will, but since you don’t WANT to be taken against your will, you’re fine where you are.”
Annabell and Midnight joined everyone and then were all happy together. “Well if it is alright Mayhem, I would like you to continue the concert,” said Princess Celestia. Mayhem smiled at Rainbow Dash and they flew up to the stage together. Rainbow Dash was sure that they were going to be together forever.
Fallen: Not if sanity has anything to say about it. Come on, we’re done here.
Ring: Yay!
Fallen: All of the fuck this story. Just... all of it.
Ring: Same. So, er, now what?
Pinkie: (from TV) Normally? I let you out, and you’re free to go on your way!
Ring: Heh... that’s not going to happen.
Fallen: What makes you so sure?
Pinkie: Because THIS STORY HAS A SEQUEL!
Ring: Wait, what?
Fallen: ...no. NO.
Dash: (from TV) Yes. And you’re gonna be put through “Fluttershy and Annabell!”
Fallen: You’re not serious. The last story didn’t even have comments; how does it have a sequel!?
Pinkie: Just like this!
(Buzzer sounds.)
Fallen and Ring: We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: How did I not manage to draw that out!?
Ring: Same. So, er, now what?
Pinkie: (from TV) Normally? I let you out, and you’re free to go on your way!
Ring: Heh... that’s not going to happen.
Fallen: What makes you so sure?
Pinkie: Because THIS STORY HAS A SEQUEL!
Ring: Wait, what?
Fallen: ...no. NO.
Dash: (from TV) Yes. And you’re gonna be put through “Fluttershy and Annabell!”
Fallen: You’re not serious. The last story didn’t even have comments; how does it have a sequel!?
Pinkie: Just like this!
(Buzzer sounds.)
Fallen and Ring: We’ve got story sign!
Fallen: How did I not manage to draw that out!?
Fluttershy and Annabell
Part I: The Storm
Annabell landed in front of Fluttershy’s door and knocked on
it.
Fallen: ...wait. What.
Ring: Er... I think he hit Enter at the wrong time.
Fluttershy opened the door. “Oh…high Annabell,” said Fluttershy.
She came outside and they went out to the field area behind
Fluttershy’s cottage.
Ring: And then they had sex.
Annabell volunteered to help get the animals
into their homes before the storm came. The Pegasus in charge of
weather, lead by Rainbow Dash, had planned a large storm to bring some
much needed rain to Ponyville.
Ring: Okay, what the hell is going on here?
“So what do you need help with?” asked
Annabell quietly. “Oh, well we just need to get all the animals back
into their homes before the storm comes,” said Fluttershy.
Fallen: Good god, this formatting. This is completely fail formatting.
Fluttershy
had asked Annabell to help because Annabell was just as quiet as
Fluttershy. They worked slowly and carefully and got all the animals
safely into their homes. The skies were starting to get very dark just
as they finished. “Okay Fluttershy I guess I’ll head home,” said
Annabell.
Fallen: No. I can’t sit through this.
Ring: The formatting is too...awful.
Pinkie: (from TV) Oh... fine. Party poopers.
Part I: The Storm
Annabell landed in front of Fluttershy’s door and knocked on
it.
Fallen: ...wait. What.
Ring: Er... I think he hit Enter at the wrong time.
Fluttershy opened the door. “Oh…high Annabell,” said Fluttershy.
She came outside and they went out to the field area behind
Fluttershy’s cottage.
Ring: And then they had sex.
Annabell volunteered to help get the animals
into their homes before the storm came. The Pegasus in charge of
weather, lead by Rainbow Dash, had planned a large storm to bring some
much needed rain to Ponyville.
Ring: Okay, what the hell is going on here?
“So what do you need help with?” asked
Annabell quietly. “Oh, well we just need to get all the animals back
into their homes before the storm comes,” said Fluttershy.
Fallen: Good god, this formatting. This is completely fail formatting.
Fluttershy
had asked Annabell to help because Annabell was just as quiet as
Fluttershy. They worked slowly and carefully and got all the animals
safely into their homes. The skies were starting to get very dark just
as they finished. “Okay Fluttershy I guess I’ll head home,” said
Annabell.
Fallen: No. I can’t sit through this.
Ring: The formatting is too...awful.
Pinkie: (from TV) Oh... fine. Party poopers.
Fallen: Okay. You tried and failed to do that. Can we get on with letting us out now?
(The armory doors unlock and open.)
Pinkie: (from TV) Okay, Ring, you’re free to go!
Ring: Oh, you got it ready? Yay.
Pinkie: Just about!
(Ring leaves. A few seconds later, the doors shut and lock again.)
Fallen: ...wait, what? That hardly seems fair. You haven’t done this to me since “Rarity’s Generous Plan,” and even then, at least I had company!
Pinkie: Ohhhhhhhh, what you’ve got coming is WORSE! And you’re not gonna see it until later!
Dash: (from TV) ...you haven’t said a word to me about this. Should I be worried?
Pinkie: Maybe, maybe not. All you need to know, Primey, is that this may be the absolute worst thing you’ve ever read!
Fallen: You realize that you’ve sent a lot my way that seriously qualified, right?
Ring: (from TV, offscreen) Well, I’ve seen just as much as you have, and this... This is bad.
Fallen: ...Ring, why are you with Pinkie?
Ring: (from TV, now on-screen) Who else to present your tenth riff than the guy that got you into this in the first place?
Fallen: Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou sonuvabitch.
Ring: Yep, I’m definitely evil.
Pinkie: It’s another author sampling! Remember the one you did of FelixDawn?
Fallen: Yes. That cockbite went BALLISTIC when he found out.
Ring: Well, this is ten times worse. I think you can tell that just by the author’s username, which happens to be “brutalassmaster”.
Fallen: Oh, fuck me.
Pinkie: Get ready for the riff of your life next time! Ring, since you’re the guest, I’ll let you hit the button!
Ring: Fallen, get ready to want to use that ball of absolute pain next time. You should probably start making it now.
(Ring presses the button, and the TV turns off with a blip.)
(The armory doors unlock and open.)
Pinkie: (from TV) Okay, Ring, you’re free to go!
Ring: Oh, you got it ready? Yay.
Pinkie: Just about!
(Ring leaves. A few seconds later, the doors shut and lock again.)
Fallen: ...wait, what? That hardly seems fair. You haven’t done this to me since “Rarity’s Generous Plan,” and even then, at least I had company!
Pinkie: Ohhhhhhhh, what you’ve got coming is WORSE! And you’re not gonna see it until later!
Dash: (from TV) ...you haven’t said a word to me about this. Should I be worried?
Pinkie: Maybe, maybe not. All you need to know, Primey, is that this may be the absolute worst thing you’ve ever read!
Fallen: You realize that you’ve sent a lot my way that seriously qualified, right?
Ring: (from TV, offscreen) Well, I’ve seen just as much as you have, and this... This is bad.
Fallen: ...Ring, why are you with Pinkie?
Ring: (from TV, now on-screen) Who else to present your tenth riff than the guy that got you into this in the first place?
Fallen: Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou sonuvabitch.
Ring: Yep, I’m definitely evil.
Pinkie: It’s another author sampling! Remember the one you did of FelixDawn?
Fallen: Yes. That cockbite went BALLISTIC when he found out.
Ring: Well, this is ten times worse. I think you can tell that just by the author’s username, which happens to be “brutalassmaster”.
Fallen: Oh, fuck me.
Pinkie: Get ready for the riff of your life next time! Ring, since you’re the guest, I’ll let you hit the button!
Ring: Fallen, get ready to want to use that ball of absolute pain next time. You should probably start making it now.
(Ring presses the button, and the TV turns off with a blip.)
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...