Mystery Pinkie Pie Theatre 3000: Cupcakes
Hey, RatherHomely here. For the new readers, I always leave a note at the beginning of each story giving my real thoughts on the story, as opposed to the characters within who tear the story a new one.
Cupcakes is... Well... It kind of sucks. But you probably already knew that. Not only is it a dull read (Gore is not compelling. It's just disgusting.), but the original version had more grammar and spelling errors than leaves on a tree. The only entertainment I actually get is laughter from how ridiculously over the top it is.
From what I've heard, the guy who wrote this actually writes legitimate stories, and wrote this one just to see if it would get any attention.
It did. It did...
A fan reading of this chapter can be found here.
Enjoy!
Cupcakes is... Well... It kind of sucks. But you probably already knew that. Not only is it a dull read (Gore is not compelling. It's just disgusting.), but the original version had more grammar and spelling errors than leaves on a tree. The only entertainment I actually get is laughter from how ridiculously over the top it is.
From what I've heard, the guy who wrote this actually writes legitimate stories, and wrote this one just to see if it would get any attention.
It did. It did...
A fan reading of this chapter can be found here.
Enjoy!
Author: Well, it’s about time I sat down and wrote something about ponies. But what? Perhaps I’ll ship an OC with Fluttershy? Yes, that’s brilliant! Or, should I say, I’m brilliant!
Twilight: Yeah, sure you are.
Author: What the…? Oh, Twilight, Rarity, what are you two doing here? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of my ever-so-important brainstorming stage?
Rarity: Well, that must be one pathetic storm then. Brainstorming for you is, what, a light drizzle?
Author: Oh, ha ha, you’re freaking hilarious. Now what do you two want?
Twilight: What do by that? You’re the one who called us here to do your new story.
Rarity: What are you going to have us do, another gore story?
Author: NO. And I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I haven't called for you at all.
Rarity: Hold on a tic… If you didn’t send us that message, then who…?
(Suddenly, all the doors swing shut, locking firmly, and a television mounted on the wall lights up, with Pinkie Pie’s face filling the screen.)
Pinkie Pie: Muahaha! It was I, you fools! And now that you’ve fallen into my DEVIOUS trap, you shall suffer a fate unlike any other!
Author: Oh crap, she’s really snapped! All this time I thought she was just eccentric, but she really is crazy!
(Rainbow Dash’s head pops into view on the screen.)
Rainbow Dash: Geez, author, just chill out! It’s just a prank…
Pinkie Pie: SHHH! They aren’t supposed to know that!
(Author, Rarity and Twilight exchange looks.)
Twilight: Okay Pinkie Pie, what do you have planned this time?
Pinkie Pie: I’m going to do something so EVIL and VILE… Something so cruel-
Rainbow Dash: And horrifying!
Pinkie Pie: That you won’t sleep for weeks! Our prank for you this week is that you have to read…
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash: "CUPCAKES"!
Rainbow Dash: We’re so awesome!
Pinkie Pie: I know!
Author: Wait… Are you telling me that you’re going to have me, Rarity, and Twilight do an MST? Of Cupcakes?
Pinkie Pie: It’s going to be so much fun!
Rarity: For you, maybe! You don’t have to read that piece of trash!
Author: Hasn’t somepony already done this? Seriously, SOMEPONY has had to have done this already!
Pinkie Pie: Nope!
Author: C’mon, NOPONY has MSTed Cupcakes yet? In the entire world of bronies, not a single fan has done an MST of Cupcakes?
Pinkie Pie: My magical Google searching powers have revealed no results!
Author: … Seriously?
Pinkie Pie: Abso-Lutely!
Author: … I find that hard to believe.
Twilight: No worries! We’ll survive! After all, you’ve read the story before, right author?
Author: Oh, um, well… I skimmed it?
Rarity: You skimmed it?
Author: Hey, the story was really boring! Give me a break!
Rainbow Dash: C’mon, let’s get started already! Start the story! (sniggers) I can hardly wait to see the looks on your faces!
Author: Fine! Alright so… We got story sign? Fic sign? Whatever, just start it.
Twilight: Yeah, sure you are.
Author: What the…? Oh, Twilight, Rarity, what are you two doing here? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of my ever-so-important brainstorming stage?
Rarity: Well, that must be one pathetic storm then. Brainstorming for you is, what, a light drizzle?
Author: Oh, ha ha, you’re freaking hilarious. Now what do you two want?
Twilight: What do by that? You’re the one who called us here to do your new story.
Rarity: What are you going to have us do, another gore story?
Author: NO. And I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I haven't called for you at all.
Rarity: Hold on a tic… If you didn’t send us that message, then who…?
(Suddenly, all the doors swing shut, locking firmly, and a television mounted on the wall lights up, with Pinkie Pie’s face filling the screen.)
Pinkie Pie: Muahaha! It was I, you fools! And now that you’ve fallen into my DEVIOUS trap, you shall suffer a fate unlike any other!
Author: Oh crap, she’s really snapped! All this time I thought she was just eccentric, but she really is crazy!
(Rainbow Dash’s head pops into view on the screen.)
Rainbow Dash: Geez, author, just chill out! It’s just a prank…
Pinkie Pie: SHHH! They aren’t supposed to know that!
(Author, Rarity and Twilight exchange looks.)
Twilight: Okay Pinkie Pie, what do you have planned this time?
Pinkie Pie: I’m going to do something so EVIL and VILE… Something so cruel-
Rainbow Dash: And horrifying!
Pinkie Pie: That you won’t sleep for weeks! Our prank for you this week is that you have to read…
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash: "CUPCAKES"!
Rainbow Dash: We’re so awesome!
Pinkie Pie: I know!
Author: Wait… Are you telling me that you’re going to have me, Rarity, and Twilight do an MST? Of Cupcakes?
Pinkie Pie: It’s going to be so much fun!
Rarity: For you, maybe! You don’t have to read that piece of trash!
Author: Hasn’t somepony already done this? Seriously, SOMEPONY has had to have done this already!
Pinkie Pie: Nope!
Author: C’mon, NOPONY has MSTed Cupcakes yet? In the entire world of bronies, not a single fan has done an MST of Cupcakes?
Pinkie Pie: My magical Google searching powers have revealed no results!
Author: … Seriously?
Pinkie Pie: Abso-Lutely!
Author: … I find that hard to believe.
Twilight: No worries! We’ll survive! After all, you’ve read the story before, right author?
Author: Oh, um, well… I skimmed it?
Rarity: You skimmed it?
Author: Hey, the story was really boring! Give me a break!
Rainbow Dash: C’mon, let’s get started already! Start the story! (sniggers) I can hardly wait to see the looks on your faces!
Author: Fine! Alright so… We got story sign? Fic sign? Whatever, just start it.
Cupcakes by Sergeant Sprinkles: World's Greatest Party Clown
Twilight: Well, this bodes well.
Author: He’s definitely a guy I’d hire for my kid’s birthday party.
Rarity: I can already tell the fashion sense in this story is going to be exquisite…
The air was warm, the sun was shining, and all of Ponyville was having a glorious day.
Author: But the Sprinkles, who lived north of Ponyville, was not!
The town square was bustling and crowded. Busy ponies were making their busy way through the streets.
Twilight: And lazy ponies were making their lazy way through the streets.
All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere to be. All, except Rainbow Dash. Her place was in the sky.
Rarity: Isn't the sky "somewhere to be"?.
She freely tore through the air,
Author: Poor air!
speeding one way and the next. She buzzed the tree tops and raced the wind.
Twilight: And the winner is…
Author: No one! Because they’re both stuck in this crappy story!
The pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children.
Rarity: Those must be exceedingly bored children.
Climbing several hundred feet,
Author: She should’ve flown. It would've been much easier than climbing.
she dove, going as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she took off back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive.
Twilight: In reality, she was actually a zombie.
Author: I’m getting the feeling that she won't be feeling alive much longer.
Then she remembered that she had somewhere to be; she supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. She’d gotten so caught up in her exercises that she nearly forgot.
Rarity: Her regular workout consists of twenty reps of flying over school yards.
Twilight: To the delight of the children, of course.
Pinkie had asked Dash to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three. She didn’t say why or what they’d be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything.
Author: Except murder. It couldn’t possibly be that!
She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying. But, Dash’s conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie’s feelings; after all, she said it was going to be something special just for the two of them.
Rarity: Just the two of them and a bed, of course.
She considered it and thought “why not.” What did she have to lose?
Rarity: Her life?
Twilight: Her sanity?
Author: Her respect in the eyes of the fandom? Oh, sorry, that’s Sprinkles I’m thinking of.
Heck, it might be more pranking. Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull off on folks. They’d so much fun the last time.
Twilight: Oh yeah, I bet Pinkie Pie is going to prank a knife through Rainbow Dash’s skull…
Author: Sounds like fun to me!
Dash kicked it into overdrive, mostly to make for lost time,
Rarity: But also to advance the plot.
and sped to her appointment.
Author: “Pardon me, Ms. Dash, do you know why I pulled you over?”
When she walked into the store, she was immediately greeted with her host bouncing in excitement.
Rarity: Pinkie Pie, don’t bounce in that excitement! You’ll get dirty!
Twilight: Oh, now it’s all over the carpet! It’s going to take weeks to get it out!
“Yay, you’re here, you’re here.
Author: She sounds so excited, what with the lack of an exclamation mark and everything.
I’ve been waiting allll day.” Said the jumping pony.
“Sorry if I’m a little late, Pinkie. I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of time.” Dash apologized.
Pinkie giggled and responded, her tone gleefully reassuring, “Oh that’s ok, you’re here now. What‘s a few more minutes. I’ve been sooooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we’re gonna do, I haven’t stopped bouncing since I woke up.
Twilight: “In fact, I was bouncing even before I woke up!”
I mean, I almost forgot to breath I’ve been so happy.”
Author: I’d have been happy if you’d just forgotten to breath. It'd cut this story short.
Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh.
Rarity: That’s entirely different from a fully uncomfortable laugh.
Twilight: But it is pretty close to a quarter laugh.
She always appreciated Pinkie’s friendly, outgoing way of life, but her overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped her out. Dash was polite, however.
Rarity: Hah! I’ve never heard a bigger lie in my life!
If Pinkie was got this worked up, then it must good; whatever it was.
Author: Actually, Pinkie just seems moderately worked up, I’d say whatever she has planned will be mediocre at best.
“So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I’ve got everything all ready.” The pink one said.
Dash psyched herself up.
Author: Those lessons from Iron Will really payed off.
“ You betcha, Pinkie. You what do ya got planed? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you got some stunts you think I should try? Or maybe…”
Rarity: You could edit poorly written stories? I know just which one to start with...
“MAKING CUPCAKES!” Pinkie happily announced.
“Baking”? Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know I’m not good baking. Remember the last time?”
Author: “The blood was everywhere! And we had to spend WEEKS getting that gelatin out of the toaster!”
“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them.
Rarity: Hence why Rainbow was saying she isn’t good at baking...
I’ll be doing most of the work.” Pinkie explained.
Dash thought for about it for a second
Author: Literally.
and replied, “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do need me to do”?
Twilight: "Fall unconscious for starters."
“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.
Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”
“You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.
“So, is this like taste testing or something?”
“Sorta” Pinkie said.
Twilight: “And by sorta, I mean no.”
Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.
“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.
“Now,” Pinkie informed “You take a nap.”
Author: It’s a TRAP!
Upon hearing that, Dash felt lightheaded.
Rarity: She began to float up into the air.
Her world spun and ,seconds later, she dropped to the floor.
Author: And pulled off some rad break dancing. Seriously, wouldn’t that be a great end to this fic?
Twilight: Sorry, but it looks like we aren’t quite done yet.
When Dash regained conciseness,
Rarity: Turns out she misplaced it under her bed.
she found herself in a dark room.
Author: I never knew Pinkie Pie was a photographer.
She tried to shake her head but found that the taut leather strap kept it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but the braces around her chest and limbs glued her to the upright planks. Her legs were spread wide apart. The only part of her not tied down were her wings as the frame was backless.
Author: My, oh my… How kinky.
Twilight: That was a cheap shot.
Rarity: It’s ALL a cheap shot, darling.
As she writhed, Pinkie jumped into her line of sight.
“Goodie, you’re awake. Now we can get started.”
Twilight: “Viewing my vacation photos! I knew you’d try to run at around picture number 348!”
She gleefully stated. She was pushing a cart covered with a cloth.
“Pinkie, what’s going on? I can’t move!” Dash said in a worry.
Rarity: Rainbow Dash! Get out of that worry this instant!
“Well, duh, you’re tied down.” Pinkie chided “That’s why you can’t move. I didn’t think you needed to told that.”
Twilight: Rainbow should’ve read the previous paragraph.
Author: And this story sucks, but I didn’t think you needed to be told that either.
“But why?
Rarity: Sprinkles made it so.
What’s happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes.”
“You are helping. You see. I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more.”
Author: Well she can’t go off to get more if she’s tied down!
“Special ingredient”? Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient”?
Pinkie giggled and responded “You, silly”
Dash’s eyes widen, her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh ”Woo, really got me there, Pinkie pie. I mean, tricking me in to thinking I’m gonna get made to a cupcake.
Twilight: What does that sentence even mean?
I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you’re the best.“
Pinkie giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven’t done pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise. “
Dash was struggling again. “Pinkie, come on, this isn’t funny.”
Rarity: Don’t worry, Dashie. We don’t think any of this is funny.
“Then why were you laughing”?
Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart.
Author: Indiana Pinkie and the Quest for the Golden Cupcake.
The top of the tray contained various sharp medical tools and knives carefully organized and ready.
Rarity: Yes, and the bottom of the tray…?
Twilight: At the very least this is going to be a nice, tidy gore fic.
There was a medicine bag and several other objects next to them.
Twilight: But those weren’t important enough to describe, so you can probably ignore them.
Dash was now in full panic mode.
Author: Previously she’d been in partial panic mode.
She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind was racing
Rarity: The wind?
and she tried to reason with the pink pony. “You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”
Author: Persuasive argument. Let’s hear the retort.
“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy it’s that I’ve got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me.”
Author: Alright, so while I thought Rainbow made a pretty solid friend argument, Pinkie gave a good psycho rebuttal. Opinions?
Twilight: Friendship IS magic, so I’m going to go with Rainbow on this one.
Rarity: I’d say Pinkie, as her psychotic ramblings do argue her position well.
She was skipping again.
Author: Holy crap!
Twilight: Again? Really?
Rarity: Honestly, where’s she even skipping to?
“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found out.” Dash was desperate.
“Oh, Dash” Pinkie said “don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus to take care of a few clouds.
Author: Seriously, how narcissistic can you GET, Rainbow Dash?
And besides, no will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?”
Twilight: Five minutes?
Rarity: 500 words?
Author: Since Sprinkles said “Screw being in character, I have gore!”
And with that the lights suddenly came to life
Author: “It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!”
and showcased the rest the room.
Rarity: “And this room here is a wonderful addition to any household!”
“Oh god, no” Dash reeled in
Twilight: A humongous fish!
horror at the image presented to her.
Twilight: Vacation photos! I was right!
The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails danced around the ceiling,
Rarity: I prefer my entrails to be wet when hung. That way they’re more flexible and can be draped in more creative patterns.
brightly painted skulls of all sizes were stuck on the walls,
Author: Help! I’ve gotten stuck in a wall and I can’t get up!
and organs done up in pastels filled with helium tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed at the center piece on the table nearest to her.
Rarity: Obviously the centerpiece has clashing colors.
The heads of four foals, their eyes closed like they were sleeping, wearing party hats made from their own skin. She recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate.
Author: That’s kind of creepy. How does she know the classmate of a filly she isn’t related to? I’m getting a stalker vibe off this pegasus.
Her eyes darted back and forth and then gazed up at the patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several pony hides, the words “Life is a party” were scrawled in red.
Twilight: Isn’t that sweet, Pinkie Pie decorated with ketchup.
Dash’s attention was stolen
Author: “I’d like to file a police report. Someone stole my attention.”
by a party horn unfurling and tickling her nose. She saw Pinkie Pie standing in front of her. The party pony was wearing a dress quilted from cutie marks. On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all different colors.
Rarity: At the very least she could've had the color of those wings matching.
As she skipped in excitement,
Author: Hey, careful Pinkie, you’re going to…
Twilight: Oh geez, she got it all over the rug!
her necklace of unicorn horns loudly clacked together.
Rarity: So unicorn horns are hollow? Fascinating!
Author: Sprinkles said it, so it must be canon!
“Like it”? She asked “I made it myself.”
Twilight: “I got a little help from the other ponies at my weekly arts and crafts club meeting.”
Dash pleaded. “Pinkie please, I’m sorry if I did anything to you. I didn’t mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anybody.”
Author: “No. Please. Stop it.” (Yawns) “I’m so scared.”
“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules.
Rarity: All rules are designed and upheld by the Council of Rather Silly Fic Ideas.
We can’t turn back now.”
Rainbow Dash was tearing up.
Author: I guess Rainbow is made of paper.
How could this be happening?
Twilight: I think we’re all asking that question at this point.
“Aww don’t be sad Dash” Pinkie said “Look this’ll cheer you up. I brought you a friend.”
Out of seemingly nowhere,
Author: Hyperspace strikes again!
Pinkie displayed a blue and yellow painted skull. It was about pony sized, but it had a very defining feature: a beak.
Dash was freaking out. “Is…is that….is…that?”
Twilight: “Is… that is that.... is… is… that…”
““Hey, Dash lets hang together. These ponies are lame-os. Dweebs dweebs dweebs.” Pinkie mimicked.
Author: Wait, I know this one! Um, Derpy… No…
Rarity: Is it Tom?
Twilight: You’re both wrong! That’s a Bloomberg impression!
“I caught her right before she left town.
Twilight: “You wouldn’t BELIEVE the size of that butterfly net!”
Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn’t enough time to play with her of course,
Rarity: Of course!
I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth for the flavor alone. Griffons taste like two animals at once, it’s amazing.
Author: “It’s like turducken, except less duck and more pony.”
I know she didn’t have number like everyone else in Ponville, but when was I gonna get another chance to try a griffon.
Twilight: Griffon singles bar?
I hindsight,
Author: “You Jane.”
I probably should have asked where she came from so I can get more, but I forgot.
Rarity: It happens to the best of us, Pinkie Pie.
I’ll tell you what though, she was quite the fighter. Lasted a long time, which was fun for me, I got chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things.
Author: Variety is the spice of life!
It’s too bad she had such a potty mouth. She said so much bad stuff, I had to take her tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, Dash.”
Twilight: I’ve never heard that before.
Rarity: Perhaps that’s the real message of this story?
Author: The Tao of Sprinkles.
Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed.
“Well” Pinkie said, putting the skull down” that’s enough reminiscing, it’s time to begin.”
Twilight: About time! I was waiting for this part!
Author: Actually, I think it’s about time to take a break.
Rarity: I concur. Are we allowed to take a break?
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Of course! I’m not THAT mean! Rainbow Dash, though…
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) HEY!
Twilight: Well, this bodes well.
Author: He’s definitely a guy I’d hire for my kid’s birthday party.
Rarity: I can already tell the fashion sense in this story is going to be exquisite…
The air was warm, the sun was shining, and all of Ponyville was having a glorious day.
Author: But the Sprinkles, who lived north of Ponyville, was not!
The town square was bustling and crowded. Busy ponies were making their busy way through the streets.
Twilight: And lazy ponies were making their lazy way through the streets.
All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere to be. All, except Rainbow Dash. Her place was in the sky.
Rarity: Isn't the sky "somewhere to be"?.
She freely tore through the air,
Author: Poor air!
speeding one way and the next. She buzzed the tree tops and raced the wind.
Twilight: And the winner is…
Author: No one! Because they’re both stuck in this crappy story!
The pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children.
Rarity: Those must be exceedingly bored children.
Climbing several hundred feet,
Author: She should’ve flown. It would've been much easier than climbing.
she dove, going as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she took off back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive.
Twilight: In reality, she was actually a zombie.
Author: I’m getting the feeling that she won't be feeling alive much longer.
Then she remembered that she had somewhere to be; she supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. She’d gotten so caught up in her exercises that she nearly forgot.
Rarity: Her regular workout consists of twenty reps of flying over school yards.
Twilight: To the delight of the children, of course.
Pinkie had asked Dash to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three. She didn’t say why or what they’d be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything.
Author: Except murder. It couldn’t possibly be that!
She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying. But, Dash’s conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie’s feelings; after all, she said it was going to be something special just for the two of them.
Rarity: Just the two of them and a bed, of course.
She considered it and thought “why not.” What did she have to lose?
Rarity: Her life?
Twilight: Her sanity?
Author: Her respect in the eyes of the fandom? Oh, sorry, that’s Sprinkles I’m thinking of.
Heck, it might be more pranking. Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull off on folks. They’d so much fun the last time.
Twilight: Oh yeah, I bet Pinkie Pie is going to prank a knife through Rainbow Dash’s skull…
Author: Sounds like fun to me!
Dash kicked it into overdrive, mostly to make for lost time,
Rarity: But also to advance the plot.
and sped to her appointment.
Author: “Pardon me, Ms. Dash, do you know why I pulled you over?”
When she walked into the store, she was immediately greeted with her host bouncing in excitement.
Rarity: Pinkie Pie, don’t bounce in that excitement! You’ll get dirty!
Twilight: Oh, now it’s all over the carpet! It’s going to take weeks to get it out!
“Yay, you’re here, you’re here.
Author: She sounds so excited, what with the lack of an exclamation mark and everything.
I’ve been waiting allll day.” Said the jumping pony.
“Sorry if I’m a little late, Pinkie. I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of time.” Dash apologized.
Pinkie giggled and responded, her tone gleefully reassuring, “Oh that’s ok, you’re here now. What‘s a few more minutes. I’ve been sooooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we’re gonna do, I haven’t stopped bouncing since I woke up.
Twilight: “In fact, I was bouncing even before I woke up!”
I mean, I almost forgot to breath I’ve been so happy.”
Author: I’d have been happy if you’d just forgotten to breath. It'd cut this story short.
Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh.
Rarity: That’s entirely different from a fully uncomfortable laugh.
Twilight: But it is pretty close to a quarter laugh.
She always appreciated Pinkie’s friendly, outgoing way of life, but her overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped her out. Dash was polite, however.
Rarity: Hah! I’ve never heard a bigger lie in my life!
If Pinkie was got this worked up, then it must good; whatever it was.
Author: Actually, Pinkie just seems moderately worked up, I’d say whatever she has planned will be mediocre at best.
“So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I’ve got everything all ready.” The pink one said.
Dash psyched herself up.
Author: Those lessons from Iron Will really payed off.
“ You betcha, Pinkie. You what do ya got planed? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you got some stunts you think I should try? Or maybe…”
Rarity: You could edit poorly written stories? I know just which one to start with...
“MAKING CUPCAKES!” Pinkie happily announced.
“Baking”? Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know I’m not good baking. Remember the last time?”
Author: “The blood was everywhere! And we had to spend WEEKS getting that gelatin out of the toaster!”
“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them.
Rarity: Hence why Rainbow was saying she isn’t good at baking...
I’ll be doing most of the work.” Pinkie explained.
Dash thought for about it for a second
Author: Literally.
and replied, “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do need me to do”?
Twilight: "Fall unconscious for starters."
“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.
Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”
“You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.
“So, is this like taste testing or something?”
“Sorta” Pinkie said.
Twilight: “And by sorta, I mean no.”
Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.
“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.
“Now,” Pinkie informed “You take a nap.”
Author: It’s a TRAP!
Upon hearing that, Dash felt lightheaded.
Rarity: She began to float up into the air.
Her world spun and ,seconds later, she dropped to the floor.
Author: And pulled off some rad break dancing. Seriously, wouldn’t that be a great end to this fic?
Twilight: Sorry, but it looks like we aren’t quite done yet.
When Dash regained conciseness,
Rarity: Turns out she misplaced it under her bed.
she found herself in a dark room.
Author: I never knew Pinkie Pie was a photographer.
She tried to shake her head but found that the taut leather strap kept it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but the braces around her chest and limbs glued her to the upright planks. Her legs were spread wide apart. The only part of her not tied down were her wings as the frame was backless.
Author: My, oh my… How kinky.
Twilight: That was a cheap shot.
Rarity: It’s ALL a cheap shot, darling.
As she writhed, Pinkie jumped into her line of sight.
“Goodie, you’re awake. Now we can get started.”
Twilight: “Viewing my vacation photos! I knew you’d try to run at around picture number 348!”
She gleefully stated. She was pushing a cart covered with a cloth.
“Pinkie, what’s going on? I can’t move!” Dash said in a worry.
Rarity: Rainbow Dash! Get out of that worry this instant!
“Well, duh, you’re tied down.” Pinkie chided “That’s why you can’t move. I didn’t think you needed to told that.”
Twilight: Rainbow should’ve read the previous paragraph.
Author: And this story sucks, but I didn’t think you needed to be told that either.
“But why?
Rarity: Sprinkles made it so.
What’s happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes.”
“You are helping. You see. I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more.”
Author: Well she can’t go off to get more if she’s tied down!
“Special ingredient”? Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient”?
Pinkie giggled and responded “You, silly”
Dash’s eyes widen, her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh ”Woo, really got me there, Pinkie pie. I mean, tricking me in to thinking I’m gonna get made to a cupcake.
Twilight: What does that sentence even mean?
I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you’re the best.“
Pinkie giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven’t done pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise. “
Dash was struggling again. “Pinkie, come on, this isn’t funny.”
Rarity: Don’t worry, Dashie. We don’t think any of this is funny.
“Then why were you laughing”?
Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart.
Author: Indiana Pinkie and the Quest for the Golden Cupcake.
The top of the tray contained various sharp medical tools and knives carefully organized and ready.
Rarity: Yes, and the bottom of the tray…?
Twilight: At the very least this is going to be a nice, tidy gore fic.
There was a medicine bag and several other objects next to them.
Twilight: But those weren’t important enough to describe, so you can probably ignore them.
Dash was now in full panic mode.
Author: Previously she’d been in partial panic mode.
She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind was racing
Rarity: The wind?
and she tried to reason with the pink pony. “You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”
Author: Persuasive argument. Let’s hear the retort.
“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy it’s that I’ve got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me.”
Author: Alright, so while I thought Rainbow made a pretty solid friend argument, Pinkie gave a good psycho rebuttal. Opinions?
Twilight: Friendship IS magic, so I’m going to go with Rainbow on this one.
Rarity: I’d say Pinkie, as her psychotic ramblings do argue her position well.
She was skipping again.
Author: Holy crap!
Twilight: Again? Really?
Rarity: Honestly, where’s she even skipping to?
“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found out.” Dash was desperate.
“Oh, Dash” Pinkie said “don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus to take care of a few clouds.
Author: Seriously, how narcissistic can you GET, Rainbow Dash?
And besides, no will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?”
Twilight: Five minutes?
Rarity: 500 words?
Author: Since Sprinkles said “Screw being in character, I have gore!”
And with that the lights suddenly came to life
Author: “It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!”
and showcased the rest the room.
Rarity: “And this room here is a wonderful addition to any household!”
“Oh god, no” Dash reeled in
Twilight: A humongous fish!
horror at the image presented to her.
Twilight: Vacation photos! I was right!
The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails danced around the ceiling,
Rarity: I prefer my entrails to be wet when hung. That way they’re more flexible and can be draped in more creative patterns.
brightly painted skulls of all sizes were stuck on the walls,
Author: Help! I’ve gotten stuck in a wall and I can’t get up!
and organs done up in pastels filled with helium tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed at the center piece on the table nearest to her.
Rarity: Obviously the centerpiece has clashing colors.
The heads of four foals, their eyes closed like they were sleeping, wearing party hats made from their own skin. She recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate.
Author: That’s kind of creepy. How does she know the classmate of a filly she isn’t related to? I’m getting a stalker vibe off this pegasus.
Her eyes darted back and forth and then gazed up at the patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several pony hides, the words “Life is a party” were scrawled in red.
Twilight: Isn’t that sweet, Pinkie Pie decorated with ketchup.
Dash’s attention was stolen
Author: “I’d like to file a police report. Someone stole my attention.”
by a party horn unfurling and tickling her nose. She saw Pinkie Pie standing in front of her. The party pony was wearing a dress quilted from cutie marks. On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all different colors.
Rarity: At the very least she could've had the color of those wings matching.
As she skipped in excitement,
Author: Hey, careful Pinkie, you’re going to…
Twilight: Oh geez, she got it all over the rug!
her necklace of unicorn horns loudly clacked together.
Rarity: So unicorn horns are hollow? Fascinating!
Author: Sprinkles said it, so it must be canon!
“Like it”? She asked “I made it myself.”
Twilight: “I got a little help from the other ponies at my weekly arts and crafts club meeting.”
Dash pleaded. “Pinkie please, I’m sorry if I did anything to you. I didn’t mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anybody.”
Author: “No. Please. Stop it.” (Yawns) “I’m so scared.”
“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules.
Rarity: All rules are designed and upheld by the Council of Rather Silly Fic Ideas.
We can’t turn back now.”
Rainbow Dash was tearing up.
Author: I guess Rainbow is made of paper.
How could this be happening?
Twilight: I think we’re all asking that question at this point.
“Aww don’t be sad Dash” Pinkie said “Look this’ll cheer you up. I brought you a friend.”
Out of seemingly nowhere,
Author: Hyperspace strikes again!
Pinkie displayed a blue and yellow painted skull. It was about pony sized, but it had a very defining feature: a beak.
Dash was freaking out. “Is…is that….is…that?”
Twilight: “Is… that is that.... is… is… that…”
““Hey, Dash lets hang together. These ponies are lame-os. Dweebs dweebs dweebs.” Pinkie mimicked.
Author: Wait, I know this one! Um, Derpy… No…
Rarity: Is it Tom?
Twilight: You’re both wrong! That’s a Bloomberg impression!
“I caught her right before she left town.
Twilight: “You wouldn’t BELIEVE the size of that butterfly net!”
Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn’t enough time to play with her of course,
Rarity: Of course!
I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth for the flavor alone. Griffons taste like two animals at once, it’s amazing.
Author: “It’s like turducken, except less duck and more pony.”
I know she didn’t have number like everyone else in Ponville, but when was I gonna get another chance to try a griffon.
Twilight: Griffon singles bar?
I hindsight,
Author: “You Jane.”
I probably should have asked where she came from so I can get more, but I forgot.
Rarity: It happens to the best of us, Pinkie Pie.
I’ll tell you what though, she was quite the fighter. Lasted a long time, which was fun for me, I got chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things.
Author: Variety is the spice of life!
It’s too bad she had such a potty mouth. She said so much bad stuff, I had to take her tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, Dash.”
Twilight: I’ve never heard that before.
Rarity: Perhaps that’s the real message of this story?
Author: The Tao of Sprinkles.
Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed.
“Well” Pinkie said, putting the skull down” that’s enough reminiscing, it’s time to begin.”
Twilight: About time! I was waiting for this part!
Author: Actually, I think it’s about time to take a break.
Rarity: I concur. Are we allowed to take a break?
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Of course! I’m not THAT mean! Rainbow Dash, though…
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) HEY!
Twilight: Alright, so what did you two think of the story so far?
Author: Shit.
Rarity: Stool.
Twilight: Now, we have to be fair and give Sprinkles the benefit of the doubt. I think the story could… use some work. Any constructive criticism?
Author: Write a different story?
Rarity: Maybe if he tried changing some characters. And perhaps a different setting. And plot. And genre.
Author: So, write a different story?
Twilight: Okay, so maybe Sprinkles needs a bit more than constructive criticism…
Author: Hey, quick question, since we’re doing an MST and all that, and you guys apparently know what it is, do you guys have a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 in your universe?
Twilight: Kind of. But here it’s called Mystery Magic Theatre 3000. At first it was hosted by the pony Joy, but in later seasons Spike took over.
Author: Spike? As in, baby dragon Spike?
Rarity: Crazy, I know.
Twilight: They’re stuck on the Moon of Friendship, and are sent horrible movies by Dr. Everfreeforrester.
Rarity: There is constant debate over whether Joy or Spike was the better host.
Author: Alright, I’m going to stop asking questions before these puns get out of hand, because- (Buzzer goes off) We got story sign!
Author: Shit.
Rarity: Stool.
Twilight: Now, we have to be fair and give Sprinkles the benefit of the doubt. I think the story could… use some work. Any constructive criticism?
Author: Write a different story?
Rarity: Maybe if he tried changing some characters. And perhaps a different setting. And plot. And genre.
Author: So, write a different story?
Twilight: Okay, so maybe Sprinkles needs a bit more than constructive criticism…
Author: Hey, quick question, since we’re doing an MST and all that, and you guys apparently know what it is, do you guys have a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 in your universe?
Twilight: Kind of. But here it’s called Mystery Magic Theatre 3000. At first it was hosted by the pony Joy, but in later seasons Spike took over.
Author: Spike? As in, baby dragon Spike?
Rarity: Crazy, I know.
Twilight: They’re stuck on the Moon of Friendship, and are sent horrible movies by Dr. Everfreeforrester.
Rarity: There is constant debate over whether Joy or Spike was the better host.
Author: Alright, I’m going to stop asking questions before these puns get out of hand, because- (Buzzer goes off) We got story sign!
She picked up a scalpel and walked over to Dash’s right flank.
Author: Then Johnson will strike at Rainbow’s left flank with a mortar barrage!
Without any flair,
Twilight: Pinkie, you should really be more passionate about your work!
she placed the blade an inch above her cutie mark and started a circular cut around it.
Rarity: Failing at a perfect circle, she took out any psycho’s best friend: the sextant.
Her lungs working overtime,
Author: They get paid 1.5 times the wage for that, right?
Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away. But the braces held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed the curved skinning knife from the tray.
Author: I hear the ponies over in Ponyville have curved knives. CURVED KNIVES.
She worked it under the skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle. Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched as her flesh came off. Pinkie then moved to the other side and completed the other flank. Once she was done, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms.
Twilight: Gimme an F! Gimme a U! What does that spell?!
Dash just whimpered. Her thighs burned.
Author: She shouldn’t have done such a thorough StairMaster workout!
Placing the skin down, Pinkie selected the large butcher knife
Author: Butcher knife! I choose you!
and walked behind Rainbow Dash.
“Hope you don’t mind, I think I’m
Author: (Puts on sunglasses)
gonna wing it now.
Author: YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!
“ Pinkie laughed. She grabbed the left one and played with it for a second.
Twilight: Must’ve been a pretty boring wing.
Then, stretching the wing out, she brought the blade down at the base. Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw off Pinkie Pies aim.
Rarity: Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
She tried to hit the mark again but missed wide and put a huge slice in Rainbow’s back.
“Dash, you gotta stay still or I’ll keep missing.”
She took another whack and hit the target.
Twilight: Whack-a-Rainbow!
She swung again and again, blood spraying into the air, but realized she wasn’t getting anywhere.
Twilight: No offense, Pinkie Pie, but for doing this so many times, you really suck at this.
The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.
“Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I’ll try something else.
Rarity: Don’t worry. Happens to the best of us.
Twilight: She’s really forgetful.
” She stated as she tossed the knife over her shoulder; the blade embedding itself in the table.
The crying Rainbow Dash heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.
“Got it! Say Dash, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn’t hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don’t get it.”
Author: Badum-Tish.
Twilight: “Thank you! I’ll be here all night!”
Pinkie placed the tool over the last attempt. It effortlessly sailed through the bone and skin. The painful feeling of the teeth grinding biting into her made Dash want to vomit.
Rarity: But I thought it sailed through the bone?
She watched helplessly as her wing flew over her head
Twilight: And out the window, setting out for a life of its own.
and land with a fluff on the table.
Rarity: The wing and the fluff got married and had five children. The end.
Pinkie moved the next and started sawing.
Twilight: The next had been in the way, you see.
Dash didn’t struggle this time;
Rarity: Struggling is SO last incision!
she’d given up trying to fight and just cried. Then the sawing abruptly paused. Pinkie was only half way done, the wing hanging off by only a sliver.
“Hey Dash” she piped up “think fast”
Suddenly, she yanked the wing as hard as sure could.
Rarity: Sure was a very good yanker.
The bone snapped but the skin held tight. The pull ripped a long strip flesh down Dash’s back to her rump.
Author: I’m not sure flesh works that way.
Twilight: If I stub my hoof, does all the skin on my leg peel off?
The unexpected trauma caused her body seize. She felt the warm release between legs as her pelvis tensed up. Dash’s loud, unending melody of pain filled the room.
Author: (singing) Nobody knows… The troubles I’ve seen.
Unable to catch her breath, she blacked out.
She awoke with a gasp. The stench of her urine filled her mucus caked nostrils.
Rarity: Any lady of proper etiquette knows how to identify her own urine by smell.
She saw a very pouty Pinkie Pie removing the adrenaline needle from her chest. Stomping her hooves, the frustrated Pinkie lashed out.
“Didn’t anybody teach you any manners? It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would like if I came over to your house and went to sleep. “Oh I’m sorry Dash, you’re boring, I think I’ll take a nap.” You think I like always doing this by myself. I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have to a friend be here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You’ve got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough, I thought you could handle anything. I’ve had foals stand up better than you. Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?”
Twilight: “Me? A BABY? Damn it, Pinkie, hand me that knife, and let me show you how to REALLY torture me!”
She stopped to catch her breath. Dash blinked and softly cried. Her back was on fire.
Rarity: Well, THAT was pretty careless of Pinkie.
Twilight: Grab the fire extinguisher!
Pinkie then popped something red into her mouth and began to chew.
Author: You’re supposed to take your meds BEFORE you get the urge to kill ponies, Pinkie!
She noticed Dash was staring at her.
“What?” she asked. “Oh this?” Holding up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself sample. I got it from your leg, you’re not bad. Wanna try some”?
Twilight: “Just add a little mayo and you won’t even notice the urine!”
Without waiting for a response, she shoved the strip of meat into the revolted Rainbow Dash’s mouth.
Author: ¡Viva la revolución! Freedom for the mouth!
She immediately spit it out.
Rarity: That was rude. At least use a napkin.
Pinkie picked up. “if you didn’t want it, you could have said no.” She then ate the discarded snotty morsel.
Twilight: I guess Rainbow Dash tried eating it with her nose.
“It’s not like you haven’t had it before.”
Swallowing, she turned her attention to the small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing
Author: It was all just a dream. Goodbye!
Twilight: Not so fast! If we suffer, you suffer.
that it was filled with burning coals. Sitting on top of the fire were several large nails. Dash began to panic again.
Rarity: Had you actually STOPPED panicking at some point?
Pinkie picked up the can and walked over to Dash’s left. Carefully picking up a nail and grabbing a hammer, she positioned the spike at the seam between her leg and her hoof.
“No! Pinkie NO!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!”
Author: Oh, just take it like a man, Rainbow Dash.
The hammer came down and the nail punctured under her skin. The white hot burning was too much.
Rarity: She needed to confess her love!
Author: Cheap shot.
Twilight: It all is.
Dash pulled and thrashed at the brace, her skin rubbed and tore. Pinkie tried to line up another one, but couldn’t find her aim.
Rarity: “Aim! Where are you? Here boy!”
She let out a frustrated grunt. When she pulled the hammer back to take a wild swing, Dash burst out crying and begging.
“PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!”
Pinkie rolled her eyes.
Author: Neat trick.
Twilight: I wonder how she got them out of her skull?
Putting hammer back down, she walked back in front of her friend. She stared pensively at the broken pegasus. Gilda didn’t even cry this much when she stuck that live parasprite down her throat. Pinkie thought for a minute about what to do next. Then there was a sudden spark in her imagination.
Twilight: As the spark burst became a roaring fire, Pinkie Pie had to make a dash to the fire extinguisher if she wanted to save her imagination.
Author: A RAINBOW dash, you might say? (Rarity slaps him)
She grabbed the gear wheel on the rack and laid Rainbow Dash on her back. She moved to Dash’s hind legs, bringing the can with her. Pinkie picked up the hammer again and she drove a searing piece of metal into the bottom of Dash’s hoof. Dash screamed again: Pinkie put one into the other hoof. Next she located the small generator on the tray. Tying the copper wires to the nails, she gave Dash a wink
Author: What a flirt!
and flipped the switch. Electricity rocketed through Dash’s body.
Author: But I don’t think she’ll get Dash’s number this way.
The blue pony reacted immediately; body seized, muscles struck taut.
Twilight: Muscles, stop hitting taut or I’m putting you in time out!
Her hips thrust skyward and her eyes rolled back. She let out a deep, throat shredding cry.
Rarity: And I thought smoking was bad for your breathing!
Pinkie giggled and danced in place. She turned up the juice. Dash convulsed uncontrollably. Her bladder emptied once more.
Author: That sucker fills up FAST.
After about five minutes, Pinkie shut off the power. The area smelled lightly of cooked flesh and burnt enamel.
Rarity: Of all the things to focus on, notice that the author makes special note of the stuff covering Rainbow’s teeth.
She put Dash upright again and tried snap the delirious and drooling pony to back to attention.
“Dash. Daaash. Wake up.” Rainbow Dash managed to give her a modicum of weak acknowledgment.
Pinkie reached into the medicine bag and produced and large syringe. “Alright, time for the last round”
Author: FIGHT!
Dash looked at the needle and Pinkie took that as a question as to what it was.
“Something to take the pain away”
Twilight: You should have her read this story. I find it slowly deadens the senses over time.
she informed as she walked around to Dash’s ruined back side. She stuck the needle into the lower part of her spine.
Author: Pinkie Pie used Headbutt!
Dash flinched.
Coming to the front again
Rarity: Not again!
Author: BOO!
Twilight: Think of something original!
, she told her friend, “In a few minutes, you won’t be able to feel anything below your ribcage.
Twilight: Soooo… She won’t feel any of her legs?
Then you’ll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest.”
Dash started to cry again. “Pinkie” she trembled out.
“Yeah?”
“I want to go home.” Dash openly sobbed.
“Yeah, I can see wanting to do that.” The party pony replied. “Sometimes, I just wanna give up, say “I’m done with this mess” and go to bed.
Rarity: I believe we all share that sentiment.
But you know what; you can’t shrug off your responsibilities. You got to pull yourself up and meet the challenges head on. That’s to the only way you’re gonna get ahead in life.”
Author: You know what? I’m inspired. I’m ready to meet the world head on, and maybe kill it in the process!
Dash cried.
Minutes passed and the drug took affect.
Twilight: I’d love to see how they passed those few minutes.
Rarity: “I spy with my little eye, something blue!”
Author: “AHHH! THE PAIN!”
Rarity: “Oh, c’mon, Rainbow! You’re not even trying!”
Dash was numb from her chest to her flanks. Aware of this,
Author: Her Pinkie-sense was tingling.
Pinkie approached with her scalpel. With only a smiling glance to Dash, she made a long cut across her pelvis just above her crotch. Moving up her body, she drew a similar incision under her ribs. One final cut was made down her stomach, connecting the first two.
Twilight: Tic-Tac-Toe, psycho style!
“Looks like I got my I on you, Dash.”
Author: Lame pun, psycho style!
With a moist, gooey sound,
Twilight: I’d describe it as a “schloop” sound.
the new door flapped opened. The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s breathing to intensify. Pinkie sliced open the abdominal sac and grabbed the large intestines.
Author: I’m getting horrible flashbacks from my 7th grade biology class.
Separating it from the rest of the digestive tract and pulling them from the forming cavity, Pinkie was getting jovial and starting making jokes. Dash, growing weaker from the new source of blood loss, tried to shut out the comedy act.
Rarity: When that didn’t work, she started hurling tomatoes.
Pinkie was laughing.
All: What else is new?
Author: You’d have better luck noting whenever Pinkie isn’t laughing. The story would be half as long!
Rarity: Please, don’t say “cut” right now…
“Look at me, I’m Rarity!” she said, slinging the tube around her neck and spreading blood in all directions. “Isn’t my new scarf soooo pretty”?
Rarity: As if I’d do that! Scarves are hardly high fashion!
Reaching back in, she cut the smaller intestine off the bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement, Pinkie filed it through her teeth and dragged it back and forth. “Dentists say you gotta floss every day, Dash.”
Twilight: And psychiatrists say you’ve got to take your pills everyday.
Rainbow Dash was barely aware of what was going on anymore. The shock was causing her to fade.
Author: That’s not the shock. That’s the animation budget running out.
Pinkie got disappointed. Diving back into the guts,
Rarity: She got a 9 from each judge for creating very little splash.
she ramped up her routine.
“Aw, don’t go yet Dash.” She started pulling out the rest of the organs, stopping at each one. “I know I can be a real painaceas,
Twilight: The thing about puns is that they’re actually supposed to sound like a word that already exists.
but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them.”
Twilight: Develop a stomach for the JOKES? I’d think my stomach would need to be developed for something else…
Author: The atrocious grammar, right?
She placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for bit longer. “Ooo, bagpipes.” she said, placing the tube in her mouth and the organ in her armpit. A spurt of acid hit her tongue.
Rarity: And instantly melted it. The end.
”Eww.
Author: Oh, that’s just hilarious. Out of all the things in this story she could react to with disgust…
Oh hey, there’s your cupcake, Dash.”
Dash, didn’t hear her. She had slipped from conciseness minutes ago. Pinkie, not satisfied yet, hit her with another adrenaline shot. Dash woke up for the last time, her heart jumping.
Twilight: I don’t think I need to say anything. That’s just a funny mental picture.
Her blood flowed out faster; it wouldn’t be long now.
Pinkie put Dash on her down her back and straddled her chest, scalpel at the ready.
Author: Ready for what? The monster from Alien to pop out of her chest?
“Ya know, Rainbow Dash, I’m disappointed. I thought you would have lasted longer.
Rarity: “You haven’t even hit my top twenty!”
I really wanted to spend more time with you before we got here. But I guess it’s my fault, I should have taken it a little slower. Oh well, it was really was nice knowing you, Dash”.
The blade sunk into the blue one’s throat and worked its way up her chin.
Twilight: I’m going to go out on a limb here and say she MAY have lasted longer if you hadn’t just slit her throat.
Coming back down, it circled around her neck. The last thing Dash felt was her skin being cut away from her skull, the metal scraping her teeth.
Author: You know, this last part reminds me of my previous trip to the dentist.
Twilight: She’s going, going…
Then she was gone.
Twilight: And that’s the ball game!
Pinkie Pie stared into the mirror. She did a really good job, even keeping the eyelids. She winked, Dash winked back. Pinkie smiled.
Rarity: Dash smiled back.
But still, she was sad that her friend was now gone. It only lasted fifty minutes, not nearly as long as she wanted.
Author: She was aiming for fifty one.
She looked back the cadaver hanging there in the center of the room, the last of its fluids draining in to the pan.
Twilight: Waste not, want not!
Yup, no more Rainbow Dash.
Then Pinkie cocked her head. She was starting to take notice of the fact that there really wasn’t that much damage. “It fact”, she began to think
Author: About time she started doing that!
“I think….” An idea exploded in her head.
Rarity: We are here to mourn the passing of Pinkie Pie, who, unfortunately, had an idea explode in her head.
Author: You might say it was a smart bomb. (Rarity kicks him in the face.)
She was good at sewing and she had all the pieces, all she had to do put her back together. Yeah, just get some stuffing and bingo, she’d have
Twilight: One part to a Thanksgiving feast!
Rainbow Dash forever. In fact, that’s what she’d do for all her friends when their numbers came up. She was so excited, she skipped over to the body with the skinner to get started. The cupcakes can wait; Pinkie had a friend to make.
Rarity: To re-make, anyway.
Twilight: Finally! It’s over!
Author: Not quite…
Silver Spoon suddenly woke up.
Author: Who?
She was on her back and couldn’t move. She couldn’t see.
Where was she? Freaking out, she was just about to scream when the pony from the bakery appeared in front of her.
Author: Seriously? Who is this, and why should I care?
“HI!” she giggled
Rarity: That wasn’t a giggle so much as a proclamation.
“Where am I, what’s going on”? The frightened little foal asked.
Author: That‘s what I’m asking too. Is this a minor character? Let me check Google…
“Oh, well, you see, your number came up and I gotta make cupcakes.” Pinkie explained.
Twilight: Can’t you just make a nice tart instead?
“W…wha….what does that mean. What are you talking about”?
Author: Let’s see… Oh, she’s that annoying pony from that one episode. I hate her already, so you can go ahead and kill her.
Rarity: Author! That’s horrible!
Author: What can I say? Her main character trait is “asshole”. I can’t help it.
“Oh, nothing. I wouldn’t worry it if I was you. It’ll be over soon.”
Twilight: This applies to more than just Silver Spoon, I hope.
She approached the girl, scalpel at the ready when a small voice called out from behind.
Author: “Hey you! Um…” I’m sorry, I can’t come up with anything witty. I’m starting to run out of steam…
“Miss Pinkie, what are you doing”?
She paused and turned to look at Apple Bloom. The yellow baby pony walked up to her with an angry look on her face. Silver Spoon started to feel relived.
“Ah can’t believe your doing this.” She pouted.
Rarity: “You said you weren’t going to go out of character ever again!”
”you said this one was gonna be mine.
Pinkie apologized “Oops, sorry about that, guess I got forgot.
Twilight: That settles it. Pinkie has memory problems.
Here you go.” She handed the blade over.
Apple Bloom climbed on the table and stood over her prey. Silver Spoon tried to struggle. She stared in fear at Apple Bloom and her apron.
Rarity: “Gasp! That apron, it… it… Doesn’t match your coat at all!”
The pink apron with a shiny tiara on it.
Author: Am I supposed to feel bad about the death of obnoxious minor character number two? Nice try Sprinkles.
Silver Spoon started to cry.
Twilight: STARTED to cry?
Rarity: I’ve been crying for the past 5 pages!
Apple Bloom grinned and open her mouth “Hey, Silver Spoon, guess who gonna be a blank flank”?
Rarity: Technically, the flank will still have a cutie mark on it, it’ll just be detached from her body is all.
Author: Guess what? I don’t give a crap. The story is over, and that’s all that matters! Oh, hold on, the mads are calling.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Yeah, very funny Author…
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) So what’d you all think? Muahaha!
Twilight: Pinkie Pie, you’re more evil than the Pinkie Pie in the story.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Oh? Why’s that?
Rarity: Because you made us read that story!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) I know! I’m so diabolical!
Author: So, can we go now?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Of course! Dashie, hit the button to unlock the doors.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) You know, if the REAL Rainbow Dash was in the story, she could’ve easily taken that punishment.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) As IF. Now hit the button, Dash.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) I mean, I would’ve just torn those leather straps right out!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Never mind, I’ll get it myself... (Pushes button and the TV turns off with a blip)
Author: Then Johnson will strike at Rainbow’s left flank with a mortar barrage!
Without any flair,
Twilight: Pinkie, you should really be more passionate about your work!
she placed the blade an inch above her cutie mark and started a circular cut around it.
Rarity: Failing at a perfect circle, she took out any psycho’s best friend: the sextant.
Her lungs working overtime,
Author: They get paid 1.5 times the wage for that, right?
Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away. But the braces held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed the curved skinning knife from the tray.
Author: I hear the ponies over in Ponyville have curved knives. CURVED KNIVES.
She worked it under the skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle. Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched as her flesh came off. Pinkie then moved to the other side and completed the other flank. Once she was done, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms.
Twilight: Gimme an F! Gimme a U! What does that spell?!
Dash just whimpered. Her thighs burned.
Author: She shouldn’t have done such a thorough StairMaster workout!
Placing the skin down, Pinkie selected the large butcher knife
Author: Butcher knife! I choose you!
and walked behind Rainbow Dash.
“Hope you don’t mind, I think I’m
Author: (Puts on sunglasses)
gonna wing it now.
Author: YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!
“ Pinkie laughed. She grabbed the left one and played with it for a second.
Twilight: Must’ve been a pretty boring wing.
Then, stretching the wing out, she brought the blade down at the base. Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw off Pinkie Pies aim.
Rarity: Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
She tried to hit the mark again but missed wide and put a huge slice in Rainbow’s back.
“Dash, you gotta stay still or I’ll keep missing.”
She took another whack and hit the target.
Twilight: Whack-a-Rainbow!
She swung again and again, blood spraying into the air, but realized she wasn’t getting anywhere.
Twilight: No offense, Pinkie Pie, but for doing this so many times, you really suck at this.
The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.
“Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it. I’ll try something else.
Rarity: Don’t worry. Happens to the best of us.
Twilight: She’s really forgetful.
” She stated as she tossed the knife over her shoulder; the blade embedding itself in the table.
The crying Rainbow Dash heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.
“Got it! Say Dash, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn’t hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don’t get it.”
Author: Badum-Tish.
Twilight: “Thank you! I’ll be here all night!”
Pinkie placed the tool over the last attempt. It effortlessly sailed through the bone and skin. The painful feeling of the teeth grinding biting into her made Dash want to vomit.
Rarity: But I thought it sailed through the bone?
She watched helplessly as her wing flew over her head
Twilight: And out the window, setting out for a life of its own.
and land with a fluff on the table.
Rarity: The wing and the fluff got married and had five children. The end.
Pinkie moved the next and started sawing.
Twilight: The next had been in the way, you see.
Dash didn’t struggle this time;
Rarity: Struggling is SO last incision!
she’d given up trying to fight and just cried. Then the sawing abruptly paused. Pinkie was only half way done, the wing hanging off by only a sliver.
“Hey Dash” she piped up “think fast”
Suddenly, she yanked the wing as hard as sure could.
Rarity: Sure was a very good yanker.
The bone snapped but the skin held tight. The pull ripped a long strip flesh down Dash’s back to her rump.
Author: I’m not sure flesh works that way.
Twilight: If I stub my hoof, does all the skin on my leg peel off?
The unexpected trauma caused her body seize. She felt the warm release between legs as her pelvis tensed up. Dash’s loud, unending melody of pain filled the room.
Author: (singing) Nobody knows… The troubles I’ve seen.
Unable to catch her breath, she blacked out.
She awoke with a gasp. The stench of her urine filled her mucus caked nostrils.
Rarity: Any lady of proper etiquette knows how to identify her own urine by smell.
She saw a very pouty Pinkie Pie removing the adrenaline needle from her chest. Stomping her hooves, the frustrated Pinkie lashed out.
“Didn’t anybody teach you any manners? It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would like if I came over to your house and went to sleep. “Oh I’m sorry Dash, you’re boring, I think I’ll take a nap.” You think I like always doing this by myself. I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have to a friend be here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You’ve got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough, I thought you could handle anything. I’ve had foals stand up better than you. Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?”
Twilight: “Me? A BABY? Damn it, Pinkie, hand me that knife, and let me show you how to REALLY torture me!”
She stopped to catch her breath. Dash blinked and softly cried. Her back was on fire.
Rarity: Well, THAT was pretty careless of Pinkie.
Twilight: Grab the fire extinguisher!
Pinkie then popped something red into her mouth and began to chew.
Author: You’re supposed to take your meds BEFORE you get the urge to kill ponies, Pinkie!
She noticed Dash was staring at her.
“What?” she asked. “Oh this?” Holding up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself sample. I got it from your leg, you’re not bad. Wanna try some”?
Twilight: “Just add a little mayo and you won’t even notice the urine!”
Without waiting for a response, she shoved the strip of meat into the revolted Rainbow Dash’s mouth.
Author: ¡Viva la revolución! Freedom for the mouth!
She immediately spit it out.
Rarity: That was rude. At least use a napkin.
Pinkie picked up. “if you didn’t want it, you could have said no.” She then ate the discarded snotty morsel.
Twilight: I guess Rainbow Dash tried eating it with her nose.
“It’s not like you haven’t had it before.”
Swallowing, she turned her attention to the small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing
Author: It was all just a dream. Goodbye!
Twilight: Not so fast! If we suffer, you suffer.
that it was filled with burning coals. Sitting on top of the fire were several large nails. Dash began to panic again.
Rarity: Had you actually STOPPED panicking at some point?
Pinkie picked up the can and walked over to Dash’s left. Carefully picking up a nail and grabbing a hammer, she positioned the spike at the seam between her leg and her hoof.
“No! Pinkie NO!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!”
Author: Oh, just take it like a man, Rainbow Dash.
The hammer came down and the nail punctured under her skin. The white hot burning was too much.
Rarity: She needed to confess her love!
Author: Cheap shot.
Twilight: It all is.
Dash pulled and thrashed at the brace, her skin rubbed and tore. Pinkie tried to line up another one, but couldn’t find her aim.
Rarity: “Aim! Where are you? Here boy!”
She let out a frustrated grunt. When she pulled the hammer back to take a wild swing, Dash burst out crying and begging.
“PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!”
Pinkie rolled her eyes.
Author: Neat trick.
Twilight: I wonder how she got them out of her skull?
Putting hammer back down, she walked back in front of her friend. She stared pensively at the broken pegasus. Gilda didn’t even cry this much when she stuck that live parasprite down her throat. Pinkie thought for a minute about what to do next. Then there was a sudden spark in her imagination.
Twilight: As the spark burst became a roaring fire, Pinkie Pie had to make a dash to the fire extinguisher if she wanted to save her imagination.
Author: A RAINBOW dash, you might say? (Rarity slaps him)
She grabbed the gear wheel on the rack and laid Rainbow Dash on her back. She moved to Dash’s hind legs, bringing the can with her. Pinkie picked up the hammer again and she drove a searing piece of metal into the bottom of Dash’s hoof. Dash screamed again: Pinkie put one into the other hoof. Next she located the small generator on the tray. Tying the copper wires to the nails, she gave Dash a wink
Author: What a flirt!
and flipped the switch. Electricity rocketed through Dash’s body.
Author: But I don’t think she’ll get Dash’s number this way.
The blue pony reacted immediately; body seized, muscles struck taut.
Twilight: Muscles, stop hitting taut or I’m putting you in time out!
Her hips thrust skyward and her eyes rolled back. She let out a deep, throat shredding cry.
Rarity: And I thought smoking was bad for your breathing!
Pinkie giggled and danced in place. She turned up the juice. Dash convulsed uncontrollably. Her bladder emptied once more.
Author: That sucker fills up FAST.
After about five minutes, Pinkie shut off the power. The area smelled lightly of cooked flesh and burnt enamel.
Rarity: Of all the things to focus on, notice that the author makes special note of the stuff covering Rainbow’s teeth.
She put Dash upright again and tried snap the delirious and drooling pony to back to attention.
“Dash. Daaash. Wake up.” Rainbow Dash managed to give her a modicum of weak acknowledgment.
Pinkie reached into the medicine bag and produced and large syringe. “Alright, time for the last round”
Author: FIGHT!
Dash looked at the needle and Pinkie took that as a question as to what it was.
“Something to take the pain away”
Twilight: You should have her read this story. I find it slowly deadens the senses over time.
she informed as she walked around to Dash’s ruined back side. She stuck the needle into the lower part of her spine.
Author: Pinkie Pie used Headbutt!
Dash flinched.
Coming to the front again
Rarity: Not again!
Author: BOO!
Twilight: Think of something original!
, she told her friend, “In a few minutes, you won’t be able to feel anything below your ribcage.
Twilight: Soooo… She won’t feel any of her legs?
Then you’ll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest.”
Dash started to cry again. “Pinkie” she trembled out.
“Yeah?”
“I want to go home.” Dash openly sobbed.
“Yeah, I can see wanting to do that.” The party pony replied. “Sometimes, I just wanna give up, say “I’m done with this mess” and go to bed.
Rarity: I believe we all share that sentiment.
But you know what; you can’t shrug off your responsibilities. You got to pull yourself up and meet the challenges head on. That’s to the only way you’re gonna get ahead in life.”
Author: You know what? I’m inspired. I’m ready to meet the world head on, and maybe kill it in the process!
Dash cried.
Minutes passed and the drug took affect.
Twilight: I’d love to see how they passed those few minutes.
Rarity: “I spy with my little eye, something blue!”
Author: “AHHH! THE PAIN!”
Rarity: “Oh, c’mon, Rainbow! You’re not even trying!”
Dash was numb from her chest to her flanks. Aware of this,
Author: Her Pinkie-sense was tingling.
Pinkie approached with her scalpel. With only a smiling glance to Dash, she made a long cut across her pelvis just above her crotch. Moving up her body, she drew a similar incision under her ribs. One final cut was made down her stomach, connecting the first two.
Twilight: Tic-Tac-Toe, psycho style!
“Looks like I got my I on you, Dash.”
Author: Lame pun, psycho style!
With a moist, gooey sound,
Twilight: I’d describe it as a “schloop” sound.
the new door flapped opened. The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s breathing to intensify. Pinkie sliced open the abdominal sac and grabbed the large intestines.
Author: I’m getting horrible flashbacks from my 7th grade biology class.
Separating it from the rest of the digestive tract and pulling them from the forming cavity, Pinkie was getting jovial and starting making jokes. Dash, growing weaker from the new source of blood loss, tried to shut out the comedy act.
Rarity: When that didn’t work, she started hurling tomatoes.
Pinkie was laughing.
All: What else is new?
Author: You’d have better luck noting whenever Pinkie isn’t laughing. The story would be half as long!
Rarity: Please, don’t say “cut” right now…
“Look at me, I’m Rarity!” she said, slinging the tube around her neck and spreading blood in all directions. “Isn’t my new scarf soooo pretty”?
Rarity: As if I’d do that! Scarves are hardly high fashion!
Reaching back in, she cut the smaller intestine off the bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement, Pinkie filed it through her teeth and dragged it back and forth. “Dentists say you gotta floss every day, Dash.”
Twilight: And psychiatrists say you’ve got to take your pills everyday.
Rainbow Dash was barely aware of what was going on anymore. The shock was causing her to fade.
Author: That’s not the shock. That’s the animation budget running out.
Pinkie got disappointed. Diving back into the guts,
Rarity: She got a 9 from each judge for creating very little splash.
she ramped up her routine.
“Aw, don’t go yet Dash.” She started pulling out the rest of the organs, stopping at each one. “I know I can be a real painaceas,
Twilight: The thing about puns is that they’re actually supposed to sound like a word that already exists.
but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them.”
Twilight: Develop a stomach for the JOKES? I’d think my stomach would need to be developed for something else…
Author: The atrocious grammar, right?
She placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for bit longer. “Ooo, bagpipes.” she said, placing the tube in her mouth and the organ in her armpit. A spurt of acid hit her tongue.
Rarity: And instantly melted it. The end.
”Eww.
Author: Oh, that’s just hilarious. Out of all the things in this story she could react to with disgust…
Oh hey, there’s your cupcake, Dash.”
Dash, didn’t hear her. She had slipped from conciseness minutes ago. Pinkie, not satisfied yet, hit her with another adrenaline shot. Dash woke up for the last time, her heart jumping.
Twilight: I don’t think I need to say anything. That’s just a funny mental picture.
Her blood flowed out faster; it wouldn’t be long now.
Pinkie put Dash on her down her back and straddled her chest, scalpel at the ready.
Author: Ready for what? The monster from Alien to pop out of her chest?
“Ya know, Rainbow Dash, I’m disappointed. I thought you would have lasted longer.
Rarity: “You haven’t even hit my top twenty!”
I really wanted to spend more time with you before we got here. But I guess it’s my fault, I should have taken it a little slower. Oh well, it was really was nice knowing you, Dash”.
The blade sunk into the blue one’s throat and worked its way up her chin.
Twilight: I’m going to go out on a limb here and say she MAY have lasted longer if you hadn’t just slit her throat.
Coming back down, it circled around her neck. The last thing Dash felt was her skin being cut away from her skull, the metal scraping her teeth.
Author: You know, this last part reminds me of my previous trip to the dentist.
Twilight: She’s going, going…
Then she was gone.
Twilight: And that’s the ball game!
Pinkie Pie stared into the mirror. She did a really good job, even keeping the eyelids. She winked, Dash winked back. Pinkie smiled.
Rarity: Dash smiled back.
But still, she was sad that her friend was now gone. It only lasted fifty minutes, not nearly as long as she wanted.
Author: She was aiming for fifty one.
She looked back the cadaver hanging there in the center of the room, the last of its fluids draining in to the pan.
Twilight: Waste not, want not!
Yup, no more Rainbow Dash.
Then Pinkie cocked her head. She was starting to take notice of the fact that there really wasn’t that much damage. “It fact”, she began to think
Author: About time she started doing that!
“I think….” An idea exploded in her head.
Rarity: We are here to mourn the passing of Pinkie Pie, who, unfortunately, had an idea explode in her head.
Author: You might say it was a smart bomb. (Rarity kicks him in the face.)
She was good at sewing and she had all the pieces, all she had to do put her back together. Yeah, just get some stuffing and bingo, she’d have
Twilight: One part to a Thanksgiving feast!
Rainbow Dash forever. In fact, that’s what she’d do for all her friends when their numbers came up. She was so excited, she skipped over to the body with the skinner to get started. The cupcakes can wait; Pinkie had a friend to make.
Rarity: To re-make, anyway.
Twilight: Finally! It’s over!
Author: Not quite…
Silver Spoon suddenly woke up.
Author: Who?
She was on her back and couldn’t move. She couldn’t see.
Where was she? Freaking out, she was just about to scream when the pony from the bakery appeared in front of her.
Author: Seriously? Who is this, and why should I care?
“HI!” she giggled
Rarity: That wasn’t a giggle so much as a proclamation.
“Where am I, what’s going on”? The frightened little foal asked.
Author: That‘s what I’m asking too. Is this a minor character? Let me check Google…
“Oh, well, you see, your number came up and I gotta make cupcakes.” Pinkie explained.
Twilight: Can’t you just make a nice tart instead?
“W…wha….what does that mean. What are you talking about”?
Author: Let’s see… Oh, she’s that annoying pony from that one episode. I hate her already, so you can go ahead and kill her.
Rarity: Author! That’s horrible!
Author: What can I say? Her main character trait is “asshole”. I can’t help it.
“Oh, nothing. I wouldn’t worry it if I was you. It’ll be over soon.”
Twilight: This applies to more than just Silver Spoon, I hope.
She approached the girl, scalpel at the ready when a small voice called out from behind.
Author: “Hey you! Um…” I’m sorry, I can’t come up with anything witty. I’m starting to run out of steam…
“Miss Pinkie, what are you doing”?
She paused and turned to look at Apple Bloom. The yellow baby pony walked up to her with an angry look on her face. Silver Spoon started to feel relived.
“Ah can’t believe your doing this.” She pouted.
Rarity: “You said you weren’t going to go out of character ever again!”
”you said this one was gonna be mine.
Pinkie apologized “Oops, sorry about that, guess I got forgot.
Twilight: That settles it. Pinkie has memory problems.
Here you go.” She handed the blade over.
Apple Bloom climbed on the table and stood over her prey. Silver Spoon tried to struggle. She stared in fear at Apple Bloom and her apron.
Rarity: “Gasp! That apron, it… it… Doesn’t match your coat at all!”
The pink apron with a shiny tiara on it.
Author: Am I supposed to feel bad about the death of obnoxious minor character number two? Nice try Sprinkles.
Silver Spoon started to cry.
Twilight: STARTED to cry?
Rarity: I’ve been crying for the past 5 pages!
Apple Bloom grinned and open her mouth “Hey, Silver Spoon, guess who gonna be a blank flank”?
Rarity: Technically, the flank will still have a cutie mark on it, it’ll just be detached from her body is all.
Author: Guess what? I don’t give a crap. The story is over, and that’s all that matters! Oh, hold on, the mads are calling.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) Yeah, very funny Author…
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) So what’d you all think? Muahaha!
Twilight: Pinkie Pie, you’re more evil than the Pinkie Pie in the story.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Oh? Why’s that?
Rarity: Because you made us read that story!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) I know! I’m so diabolical!
Author: So, can we go now?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Of course! Dashie, hit the button to unlock the doors.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) You know, if the REAL Rainbow Dash was in the story, she could’ve easily taken that punishment.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) As IF. Now hit the button, Dash.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) I mean, I would’ve just torn those leather straps right out!
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Never mind, I’ll get it myself... (Pushes button and the TV turns off with a blip)
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