MPPT3K Guest Submission:
My Fair Dashie
Guest submission! Hooray!
Today's riff is "My Fair Dashie". With all due respect to the writer of the story, it kind of sucks. I mean, it really sucks. It's far too short to build any emotional steam, the characters are OOC, etc, etc. But you know what? I have a feeling that the writer is already aware of the story's many flaws.
Enjoy!
Twilight: Author, why did you call us down here this time?
Rarity: Yes, Author, what is your...? You're not Author...
???: Nope, I'm a horrible author.
Twilight: Well hello A Horrible Author. What-
A Horrible Author: No! Don't call me that. Call me... uh... Wolf Girl!
Rarity: Pleased to meet you, Wolf Girl, but why are you here?
Wolf Girl: Well, Author told me to meet you guys here for something.
Rarity and Twilight: *Run towards the door, just before it slams shut and locks before they reach it.*
Wolf Girl: What's happening?
Twilight: I'm sorry, but Author tricked you.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Okay, so today's prank is... Where's Author?
Wolf Girl: He fell in a hole and died, or at least he will soon... I'm Wolf Girl by the way.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Okey dokey lokey. Today's prank is My Fair Dashie, and because of our special guest, I'll also tell you the author!
Wolf Girl: You don't have to.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) She won't, but I will. Her name is wolfgirl66.
Wolf Girl: (Rarity and Twilight give Wolf Girl an angry look.) Sorry...
*Buzzer Sounds*
All: We got story sign!
I lived with my big sisters Luna and Celestia, but I didn't want a royal life.
Rarity: Of course, why have servants, power, fame, and money, when you can have the average life?
I flew away, to Cloudsdale. I took a took a flight class there. Today it rained,
Twilight: Because every pony knows they need rain in Cloudsdale.
puddles look like rainbows
Wolf Girl: You would think clouds suck water in, instead of it staying on top, and turning into rainbows.
here in Cloudsdale, mud looks the same.
Twilight: Don't you need dirt to make mud?
I messed up my mane to hide my horn, because if they knew I was an alicorn, they'd take me back. As I left my mini cloud house I tripped falling in mud and rainbow.
Rarity: But because the mud is made of clouds she didn't get dirty.
"Nice going, Random Klutz," Gilda said, and no, she wasn't making fun of me, that's my name.
"Hi... Random," Fluttershy squeaked a
Twilight: When did Fluttershy get here? Also, if she's in flight school with Fluttershy and Rainbow, how does she even know who Luna is?
greeting me, "Ready to go?"
Rarity: "Ah, Fluttershy dear? Do you not notice I'm covered cloud mud, and rainbow?"
Wolf Girl: Fluttershy, sometimes you can be so insensitive.
"Oh, yeah let's go,"
I said shaking mud and water from my mane, causing it to frizz.
Today in gym Fluttershy barely made it through a hoop. She fell to the cloud. I was about to go help when I bumped into Rainbow Dash.
"Hey there ... um, you," she said.
"Random Klutz!" I told her, she was a wonderful filly,
Wolf Girl: So wonderful she forgot your name.
would always admire her from the shadows.
Twilight: No matter how many times I reread that, it still doesn't make sense.
This was awkward. I didn't know what to say so we ended up staring into each others eyes for a while. I was the first to speak, "I think those colts are making fun of Fluttershy." She flew off towards where I pointed. I was about to follow her, when I noticed a crack in the clouds. I tried to fix it with all of my might, but failed. Then a sonic boom, with a rainbow thrown in for good measure,
Wolf Girl: I wonder what to call that?
caused the crack to break into a hole under my hooves. I fell to the ground.
Wolf Girl: "And I died. The end."
At the last second, I opened my wings, and sailed to the ground. I saw pretty flowers on the ground, I used them to make a gray cloak for myself, with a hood to hide my face and mane. My dark purple and black mane complemented my light purple coat nicely.
Twilight: Only no pony saw it, because her mane, and most of her coat were hidden.
This was where I would make my make my life.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Rainbow had been searching for Random for weeks with no luck.
Wolf Girl: Yes, search for a filly whose name you can't remember.
She decided to quit school and find Random,
Rarity: Yes throw your life away for some dumb little filly who has awkward silences with you, and you can't remember her name.
the only one she told this to was Flutter Shy.
Twilight: Wow, Rainbow trusts this foal more than Fluttershy and Gilda.
She went to Ponyville to start her search. There was a pony there shrouded in grey singing on the street for money. She was a wonderful singer, and around Rainbows age. Rainbow tries
Rarity: Story, please change back to past tense.
to chase after her once, but this mysterious singer deployed
Rarity: Thank you, dear.
wings while running, giving her great speed. Rainbow loved this ponies
Twilight: What? There are more than one of her?
seemingly familiar voice.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Fluttershy felt all alone at flight school, her two best friends were gone. She needed them to stand up for her, so she often thought of quitting. Fluttershy, you can't quit, she thought to herself, You've got to finish what you've started,
Wolf Girl: "No matter how many of my bones those mean foals break."
then you can find them. Fluttershy missed Random and Rainbow so much, but decided to finish school.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I'll have to be more careful next time not to let Rainbow get so close. Even though I have a crush on her, I can't let her know who I am yet. I noticed something today, I got my cutie mark it was a music note. I slept in the same hole by the outskirts of town that I did everyday, but today it felt different. I couldn't quite put her finger
Twilight: Who is "her", and why do you have her finger?
on it. So I slept. Until a violent hissing shot me awake.
Wolf Girl: Only to find that shot had killed me. The end.
A snake moved into my home. I held my ground biting at it making strange sounds in attempts to scare it off, but I accidentally cornered it. It was frightened, so I let it shay as my pet.
Rarity: I don't know any pony who wouldn't let a violet creature shay as their pet.
Years went by, and
Wolf Girl: The rock done died. Suzy went and left me for some foreign guy.
Twilight: What?
Wolf Girl: ... It's from a song.
I grew up, and saved up enough to buy a house. Flutter Shy even moved to Ponyville,
Twilight: Great, I missed Flutter Shy.
she would catch my performances from time to time, when she wasn't caring for her animals. My snake grew ill on day, so I took it to Fluttershy, without my cloak.
"R-ra-random Klutz!" Fluttershy could barley get my name out from pure shock, and her shy nature."Wh-what are you ...doing here?"
Wolf Girl: "I thought the crack I left in the cloud killed you!"
"Not important," we could reminisce later, right now I had more urgent maters to attend to."My snake is sick, can you help hi- um, her- um, it?"
"What do you mean not important,"
Wolf Girl: "I want to know exactly how you managed to live."
Fluttershy wanted to know what exactly happened to me, and I couldn't blame her. "You've been missing for years! Rainbow Dash left looking for you, leaving me all alone! You know what I've been through? The ridicule I've faced?" There was no mistaking it, she was pissed.
"We can talk about that later," honestly I wanted my snake to be safe. "Right now let's help my snake!" I was getting angry that she didn't care about my snake, I mean it was right there on her flank to prove she did care.
Twilight: But you just said she didn't care.
"Fine," Fluttershy wanted to talk more, but agreed to help my snake. My snake was fine it was just hungry, but Flutter Shy gave it a tofu rat,
Rarity: Because Fluttershy really didn't care about the snake.
(a real one would be to barbaric to her,) and my snake was good as new.
RatherHomely: Wait... You needed to seek medical help for your snake because you forgot to FEED IT? How the hell did that snake survive all these years if you didn't even know you're supposed to give it nourishment?!
"Now," Fluttershy said at last, "Why did you leave?" I could here sadness in her voice, perhaps she thought it was my fault. So explained the thing about the cloud, and how I was the street singer, she promised not to tell. She hugged me, for all those years of missing me.
"Well, if I am to inform the public of my identity," I started, "I should get going." I lest my snake there,
Wolf Girl: I know I'd be fine if anyone lest their snake at my house.
and Fluttershy agreed to watch it for me.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I had just finished singing, my usual's were all there, especially Rainbow Dash. My knees felt shaky, What if Rainbow Dash doesn't remember me? Or worse, what if she hates me? I thought, but quickly pushed those thoughts out of my head.
"I have something to say everyone," I announced, ripping off my grey cloak, "I'm Random Klutz!" After I said it, I was bombarded by laughter, I realized no one had ever cared to learn my name.
Rarity: So I guess it wasn't Rainbow's fault that she didn't know here name.
The laughter slowly died down, and was greeted by an awkward silence. Of coarse Rainbow Dash
Twilight: We can finally find out what happened to the coarse Rainbow Dash.
didn't remember me. I sighed and walked home, defeated.
On my way home Rainbow Dash stopped me on my way home,
Wolf Girl: Because we all just forgot you were on your way home.
and asked to talk, I agreed.
"You probably don't remember, but we went to flight school in Clouds Dale
Rarity: This must be the coarse Rainbow Dash talking, because I remember normal Rainbow was in Cloudsdale.
together," Rainbow had remembered me. So I hugged her tight.
"Oh Dashie, I never forgot," I was so happy she actually remembered me, "How could I forget such a kind, fair, pony, such as yourself?" She gave me a passionate kiss on the lips. She pulled away first, but not right away. I looked deep into her eyes, that beautiful magenta I had missed so much. I got the one thing I've always wanted: Rainbow Dash.
Wolf Girl: I thought the one thing she wanted was a Pink Pie?
I made it big with her. We had a happy life, that is until she found out I was an alicorn, finding my horn.
Twilight: I wonder how long it took Rainbow to notice?
I told her how I was a princess, and when news of my wonderful singing got to Canterlot, it was horrible. Celestia decided to stop by for an unexpected visit, she recognized me.
"Random," even though I was the size of a normal pony, Celestia still towered over me,
Rarity: Because I forgot being an immortal alicorn made you taller than normal ponies.
"It's time to go home. Say good bye to your friends."
"No,"
Wolf Girl: Look out! We've got a bad ass over here!
I wouldn't let her make me go, "If you let others stay why not me? I have friends here that I might never see if I go with you."
"Your a princess," she said this like it would matter to me.
"So?" I didn't care, she probably had more to say, but I wanted to stay here with Dashie.
"Your not normal,"
Twilight: That's cold.
this I cared about, it hurt,
Twilight: See?
even though that's not what she meant to do, "You think pony's wont care if you have a horn and wings? Or if you grow extremely tall? What abut the fact you'll live longer than the normal ponies?"
Rarity: I didn't know how cruel we were.
Twilight: We need to learn to stop discriminating.
"You can't make me leave, Celestia," every one watching this gasped hearing me address the princess in such an informal way.
Twilight: (Feigns shock.) Oh no, she didn't say princess...
I only just noticed the tears streaming down my face.
She looked into my eyes, "Yes Random, I can," she grabbed me by the hoof and pulled my inside her carriage thing.
Rarity: The author has officially stopped caring.
The only good bye I could give to Dash was a wave, but at least I got a good bye this time. Celestia forbade me from leaving our castle, and I never saw my Rainbow again.
Wolf Girl: Best. Ending. Ever.
Twilight: Your riffing almost makes up for the bad story.
Wolf Girl: Almost?
Rarity: To truly make up for it you must riff with us again.
Wolf Girl: I'll think about.
Pinkie Pie: I'll get Author next time, but you're fun to mess with too, Wolf Girl.
Rainbow Dash: I hope we can riff more of your stories with you soon.
Wolf Girl: Great...
Rainbow Dash: Hit the button Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie: Hey! That's my line!
Rainbow: Just hit the button.
Pinkie: *Pushes the button.*
(TV blips off)
Today's riff is "My Fair Dashie". With all due respect to the writer of the story, it kind of sucks. I mean, it really sucks. It's far too short to build any emotional steam, the characters are OOC, etc, etc. But you know what? I have a feeling that the writer is already aware of the story's many flaws.
Enjoy!
Twilight: Author, why did you call us down here this time?
Rarity: Yes, Author, what is your...? You're not Author...
???: Nope, I'm a horrible author.
Twilight: Well hello A Horrible Author. What-
A Horrible Author: No! Don't call me that. Call me... uh... Wolf Girl!
Rarity: Pleased to meet you, Wolf Girl, but why are you here?
Wolf Girl: Well, Author told me to meet you guys here for something.
Rarity and Twilight: *Run towards the door, just before it slams shut and locks before they reach it.*
Wolf Girl: What's happening?
Twilight: I'm sorry, but Author tricked you.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Okay, so today's prank is... Where's Author?
Wolf Girl: He fell in a hole and died, or at least he will soon... I'm Wolf Girl by the way.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) Okey dokey lokey. Today's prank is My Fair Dashie, and because of our special guest, I'll also tell you the author!
Wolf Girl: You don't have to.
Rainbow Dash: (From TV) She won't, but I will. Her name is wolfgirl66.
Wolf Girl: (Rarity and Twilight give Wolf Girl an angry look.) Sorry...
*Buzzer Sounds*
All: We got story sign!
I lived with my big sisters Luna and Celestia, but I didn't want a royal life.
Rarity: Of course, why have servants, power, fame, and money, when you can have the average life?
I flew away, to Cloudsdale. I took a took a flight class there. Today it rained,
Twilight: Because every pony knows they need rain in Cloudsdale.
puddles look like rainbows
Wolf Girl: You would think clouds suck water in, instead of it staying on top, and turning into rainbows.
here in Cloudsdale, mud looks the same.
Twilight: Don't you need dirt to make mud?
I messed up my mane to hide my horn, because if they knew I was an alicorn, they'd take me back. As I left my mini cloud house I tripped falling in mud and rainbow.
Rarity: But because the mud is made of clouds she didn't get dirty.
"Nice going, Random Klutz," Gilda said, and no, she wasn't making fun of me, that's my name.
"Hi... Random," Fluttershy squeaked a
Twilight: When did Fluttershy get here? Also, if she's in flight school with Fluttershy and Rainbow, how does she even know who Luna is?
greeting me, "Ready to go?"
Rarity: "Ah, Fluttershy dear? Do you not notice I'm covered cloud mud, and rainbow?"
Wolf Girl: Fluttershy, sometimes you can be so insensitive.
"Oh, yeah let's go,"
I said shaking mud and water from my mane, causing it to frizz.
Today in gym Fluttershy barely made it through a hoop. She fell to the cloud. I was about to go help when I bumped into Rainbow Dash.
"Hey there ... um, you," she said.
"Random Klutz!" I told her, she was a wonderful filly,
Wolf Girl: So wonderful she forgot your name.
would always admire her from the shadows.
Twilight: No matter how many times I reread that, it still doesn't make sense.
This was awkward. I didn't know what to say so we ended up staring into each others eyes for a while. I was the first to speak, "I think those colts are making fun of Fluttershy." She flew off towards where I pointed. I was about to follow her, when I noticed a crack in the clouds. I tried to fix it with all of my might, but failed. Then a sonic boom, with a rainbow thrown in for good measure,
Wolf Girl: I wonder what to call that?
caused the crack to break into a hole under my hooves. I fell to the ground.
Wolf Girl: "And I died. The end."
At the last second, I opened my wings, and sailed to the ground. I saw pretty flowers on the ground, I used them to make a gray cloak for myself, with a hood to hide my face and mane. My dark purple and black mane complemented my light purple coat nicely.
Twilight: Only no pony saw it, because her mane, and most of her coat were hidden.
This was where I would make my make my life.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Rainbow had been searching for Random for weeks with no luck.
Wolf Girl: Yes, search for a filly whose name you can't remember.
She decided to quit school and find Random,
Rarity: Yes throw your life away for some dumb little filly who has awkward silences with you, and you can't remember her name.
the only one she told this to was Flutter Shy.
Twilight: Wow, Rainbow trusts this foal more than Fluttershy and Gilda.
She went to Ponyville to start her search. There was a pony there shrouded in grey singing on the street for money. She was a wonderful singer, and around Rainbows age. Rainbow tries
Rarity: Story, please change back to past tense.
to chase after her once, but this mysterious singer deployed
Rarity: Thank you, dear.
wings while running, giving her great speed. Rainbow loved this ponies
Twilight: What? There are more than one of her?
seemingly familiar voice.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Fluttershy felt all alone at flight school, her two best friends were gone. She needed them to stand up for her, so she often thought of quitting. Fluttershy, you can't quit, she thought to herself, You've got to finish what you've started,
Wolf Girl: "No matter how many of my bones those mean foals break."
then you can find them. Fluttershy missed Random and Rainbow so much, but decided to finish school.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I'll have to be more careful next time not to let Rainbow get so close. Even though I have a crush on her, I can't let her know who I am yet. I noticed something today, I got my cutie mark it was a music note. I slept in the same hole by the outskirts of town that I did everyday, but today it felt different. I couldn't quite put her finger
Twilight: Who is "her", and why do you have her finger?
on it. So I slept. Until a violent hissing shot me awake.
Wolf Girl: Only to find that shot had killed me. The end.
A snake moved into my home. I held my ground biting at it making strange sounds in attempts to scare it off, but I accidentally cornered it. It was frightened, so I let it shay as my pet.
Rarity: I don't know any pony who wouldn't let a violet creature shay as their pet.
Years went by, and
Wolf Girl: The rock done died. Suzy went and left me for some foreign guy.
Twilight: What?
Wolf Girl: ... It's from a song.
I grew up, and saved up enough to buy a house. Flutter Shy even moved to Ponyville,
Twilight: Great, I missed Flutter Shy.
she would catch my performances from time to time, when she wasn't caring for her animals. My snake grew ill on day, so I took it to Fluttershy, without my cloak.
"R-ra-random Klutz!" Fluttershy could barley get my name out from pure shock, and her shy nature."Wh-what are you ...doing here?"
Wolf Girl: "I thought the crack I left in the cloud killed you!"
"Not important," we could reminisce later, right now I had more urgent maters to attend to."My snake is sick, can you help hi- um, her- um, it?"
"What do you mean not important,"
Wolf Girl: "I want to know exactly how you managed to live."
Fluttershy wanted to know what exactly happened to me, and I couldn't blame her. "You've been missing for years! Rainbow Dash left looking for you, leaving me all alone! You know what I've been through? The ridicule I've faced?" There was no mistaking it, she was pissed.
"We can talk about that later," honestly I wanted my snake to be safe. "Right now let's help my snake!" I was getting angry that she didn't care about my snake, I mean it was right there on her flank to prove she did care.
Twilight: But you just said she didn't care.
"Fine," Fluttershy wanted to talk more, but agreed to help my snake. My snake was fine it was just hungry, but Flutter Shy gave it a tofu rat,
Rarity: Because Fluttershy really didn't care about the snake.
(a real one would be to barbaric to her,) and my snake was good as new.
RatherHomely: Wait... You needed to seek medical help for your snake because you forgot to FEED IT? How the hell did that snake survive all these years if you didn't even know you're supposed to give it nourishment?!
"Now," Fluttershy said at last, "Why did you leave?" I could here sadness in her voice, perhaps she thought it was my fault. So explained the thing about the cloud, and how I was the street singer, she promised not to tell. She hugged me, for all those years of missing me.
"Well, if I am to inform the public of my identity," I started, "I should get going." I lest my snake there,
Wolf Girl: I know I'd be fine if anyone lest their snake at my house.
and Fluttershy agreed to watch it for me.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I had just finished singing, my usual's were all there, especially Rainbow Dash. My knees felt shaky, What if Rainbow Dash doesn't remember me? Or worse, what if she hates me? I thought, but quickly pushed those thoughts out of my head.
"I have something to say everyone," I announced, ripping off my grey cloak, "I'm Random Klutz!" After I said it, I was bombarded by laughter, I realized no one had ever cared to learn my name.
Rarity: So I guess it wasn't Rainbow's fault that she didn't know here name.
The laughter slowly died down, and was greeted by an awkward silence. Of coarse Rainbow Dash
Twilight: We can finally find out what happened to the coarse Rainbow Dash.
didn't remember me. I sighed and walked home, defeated.
On my way home Rainbow Dash stopped me on my way home,
Wolf Girl: Because we all just forgot you were on your way home.
and asked to talk, I agreed.
"You probably don't remember, but we went to flight school in Clouds Dale
Rarity: This must be the coarse Rainbow Dash talking, because I remember normal Rainbow was in Cloudsdale.
together," Rainbow had remembered me. So I hugged her tight.
"Oh Dashie, I never forgot," I was so happy she actually remembered me, "How could I forget such a kind, fair, pony, such as yourself?" She gave me a passionate kiss on the lips. She pulled away first, but not right away. I looked deep into her eyes, that beautiful magenta I had missed so much. I got the one thing I've always wanted: Rainbow Dash.
Wolf Girl: I thought the one thing she wanted was a Pink Pie?
I made it big with her. We had a happy life, that is until she found out I was an alicorn, finding my horn.
Twilight: I wonder how long it took Rainbow to notice?
I told her how I was a princess, and when news of my wonderful singing got to Canterlot, it was horrible. Celestia decided to stop by for an unexpected visit, she recognized me.
"Random," even though I was the size of a normal pony, Celestia still towered over me,
Rarity: Because I forgot being an immortal alicorn made you taller than normal ponies.
"It's time to go home. Say good bye to your friends."
"No,"
Wolf Girl: Look out! We've got a bad ass over here!
I wouldn't let her make me go, "If you let others stay why not me? I have friends here that I might never see if I go with you."
"Your a princess," she said this like it would matter to me.
"So?" I didn't care, she probably had more to say, but I wanted to stay here with Dashie.
"Your not normal,"
Twilight: That's cold.
this I cared about, it hurt,
Twilight: See?
even though that's not what she meant to do, "You think pony's wont care if you have a horn and wings? Or if you grow extremely tall? What abut the fact you'll live longer than the normal ponies?"
Rarity: I didn't know how cruel we were.
Twilight: We need to learn to stop discriminating.
"You can't make me leave, Celestia," every one watching this gasped hearing me address the princess in such an informal way.
Twilight: (Feigns shock.) Oh no, she didn't say princess...
I only just noticed the tears streaming down my face.
She looked into my eyes, "Yes Random, I can," she grabbed me by the hoof and pulled my inside her carriage thing.
Rarity: The author has officially stopped caring.
The only good bye I could give to Dash was a wave, but at least I got a good bye this time. Celestia forbade me from leaving our castle, and I never saw my Rainbow again.
Wolf Girl: Best. Ending. Ever.
Twilight: Your riffing almost makes up for the bad story.
Wolf Girl: Almost?
Rarity: To truly make up for it you must riff with us again.
Wolf Girl: I'll think about.
Pinkie Pie: I'll get Author next time, but you're fun to mess with too, Wolf Girl.
Rainbow Dash: I hope we can riff more of your stories with you soon.
Wolf Girl: Great...
Rainbow Dash: Hit the button Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie: Hey! That's my line!
Rainbow: Just hit the button.
Pinkie: *Pushes the button.*
(TV blips off)