MPPT3K Guest Submission:
Sonic's Little Bonus
RatherHomely here, and the guest riffer Mister Fluttershy was bored. So he sent me a guest submission.
Okay, so this story here is called Sonic's Little Bonus. It's a crossover-clop-troll fic. I shall abstain from making any further comments.
You can read the unriffed version here.
Enjoy!
Alright Mister Fluttershy here. I’m pretty freaking bored. So I did a riff of the first badly rated clopfic I could find, and that was ‘Sonic’s Little Bonus’ Enjoy!
Author: So... bored...
*Rarity and Twilight walk in*
Rarity: What is it darling?
Author: Well I-
Twilight: No, she wasn’t talking to you. She was talking to the giant Pinkie face right above us.
Author: Wha-?
Pinkie Pie: Hi!
All: Ah!
Pinkie Pie: I have a story for you! Sonic’s Little Bonus, by Flaky. It’s a clop/troll fic.
Author: Great, now I have this to pile onto the feeling of unhappiness and boredom.
Rarity: Don’t be so down!
All: *lackluster pitch-in by Author* We’ve got story sign!
It was a normal day in Ponyville, Equestria.
Author: , Milky Way, Universe.
Twilight: Actually, Equestria is in the-
Author: I don’t even care. It was funny.
Birds were tweeting across Fluttershy’s cottage,
Twilight: I get what it’s trying to say but, what? That barely makes any sense grammatically.
Author: *cough*Nazi*cough*
Twilight: *menacingly* What did you say?
Author: Er... Were they using their iPhones or Androids?
Twilight Sparkle was studying
Author: Believe it or not, the title of the book was “How to write a good fanfiction”. The author of this story needs to read that.
Twilight: Honestly, this isn’t so bad so far. It’s only been like ten words in.
Rarity: Don’t jinx it.
and using Spike as a clipboard,
Twilight: So I was writing on him?
Author: Pics or it didn’t happen.
Pinkie Pie was taste-testing the Cakes’ cakes (no that’s not a synonym for penis or vagina.),
Rarity: Because we were obviously all thinking that.
Author: This guy knows us too well.
Rarity kept arguing with Sweetie Belle and Applejack worked hard with her sister Apple Bloom. Rainbow Dash, however, saw an unlikely figure near some trees in Ponyville.
Author: “Sasquatch? Is that you? I don’t think I’ve been shipped with you yet!”
“Hey! Who are you?” she called, flying downwards from a cloud in Cloudsdale to the ground of Ponyville.
Author: Wouldn’t that take a while?
Twilight: Considering Rainbow Dash can break the sound barrier, no.
The blue hedgehog turned his spiked head and aimed his green eyes at the rainbow-maned pegasus. Rainbow landed a few centimetres
Author: Damn British spelling.
Rarity: Which is completely grammatically correct.
Author: Not in America, bitch.
*Author pimp slapped by Rarity*
away from the figure. “My question is who are you?” the hedgehog responded. “I asked you first, so come on!” Rainbow demanded.
Twilight: Such pointless dialogue.
Rarity: I’m thinking the author just wanted padding.
“I’m Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest hedgehog alive!”
Twilight: Little known fact, real hedgehogs are actually pretty fast.
Sonic introduced himself to the blue pegasus. “I’m Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in all of Equestria!” Rainbow too introduced herself to the athletic hedgehog who is now a new friend of hers.
Author: “Hey I just met you, and this is-”
Twilight: *punches Author* NO.
She spread her wings to show her pride.
“Let’s test this out in bed, shall we?” Sonic said, seducing the pony.
Author: Sonic is now a playa.
Twilight: Still sudden.
Author: Still playa. I think, if he’s successful, he’ll be as big a playa Barney.
*Rarity and Twilight give Author a look*
Author: Don’t question Barney’s awesomeness.
Rainbow bent her wings down, as if Sonic had killed a wingboner.
Author: YOU MUST DIE.
Rarity: “Oh no, now I have to clean up this mess...”
Twilight: You mean the body?
Rarity: Yes.
Author: NOW KISS.
*Rarity and Twilight buck Author in the face, sending him into a pile of spikes*
“Uhhh… you don’t mean…” Rainbow asked; terrified at what Sonic wanted her to do. “Yes, tonight, anywhere you want,” Sonic responded.
Author: I would not could not on a boat...
Rarity: This is what you don’t do kids.
“I don’t know, Sonic… I mean… we just MET. I don’t want to jump straight into this, even if I like getting straight into action,” “Don’t want to!? What are you, a chicken!?”
Author: BAKAWWW
Sonic was not happy with Rainbow’s denial, and started to do a Scoota—sorry, I meant chicken impression.
Author: Ba-dum tish...?
“Hey! I am NOT a chicken!” Rainbow shouted. “Then you would get it on with me,” Sonic replied.
Twilight: I’m not sure who this Sonic guy is. Is he, like, a character from a book in the human world?
Rarity: Yes, I’m quite confused as well.
Author: This holds all the information you might ever need.
Rainbow Dash closed her wings, she needed time to think. Soon, she started hallucinating two small pegasi that looked exactly like Pinkie Pie with, one wearing an angel’s costume, another wearing a devil’s outfit. “Look, Dashie, if you don’t want to do it, it’s fine! It’s your choice!” the angel Pinkie started to speak. “Oh, shut the buck up, Pinkie. Now Rainbow, you’ve gotta show that bucking hedgehog what you’re made of! Let him!” the devil Pinkie exclaimed. “But Dashie! He might have some sort of STI! Chlamydia! Gonorrhea! Maybe HIV!”
Author: lol
Twilight: Did you really just say that?
Author: Damn straight.
“I guess you’re right…” Rainbow Dash quietly said to the angel Pinkie illusion. “He will wrap it up, you bucking retard!” Devil Pinkie argued. “And you’re right too… and I need to show that hedgehog that I am not a chicken! I’ll do it!” Rainbow Dash decided to the two Pinkies. “That’s the spirit! Now show him!” Devil Pinkie praised while Angel Pinkie sighed in disappointment. They disappeared from Rainbow Dash’s mind, Sonic noticing all that time that Dashie was talking to something.
Author: Is it okay if I didn’t understand one word of that?
Twilight: No. That was actually pretty easy to understand.
Author: Welp, Imma go and cry myself to sleep then.
“Um, Rainbow Dash, who are you talking to?” Sonic asked in curiousness. “Nothing… n-nothing… I’ll do it, tonight, at my place,”
Rarity: When has Rainbow Dash ever stuttered? She too prideful to do that.
Author: You wanna go? Tonight, behind the Walgreens.
Rainbow Dash explained the location of their lovin’ time,
Twilight: No. Just... no. That makes no sense.
pointing towards her house in Cloudsdale. “Meet me here tonight and I’ll take you there.” “Sweet! See ya tonight!” Sonic concluded and swiftly ran to the distance.
Author: “Sweet! I just had seven lines of dialogue and scored!”
Rainbow smiled, then as she could see Sonic no more, her face transitioned to a horrified face. “Oh, buck! What did I get myself into!?” she spoke to herself.
Author: The worst thing imaginable: A BAD FANFIC!
All: AH!
Author: Time for Chapter 2!
All: ALLONS-Y!
Mister Fluttershy: I don’t even know what that means! :sadfaic: Just something to do with Doctor Who...
*Author punches air that Mister Fluttershy used to occupy
Author: Damnit! I will get you yet...
The afternoon is here, and time is only ticking away. Rainbow decided it was time to talk to Twilight. “Hey, Twi,” Rainbow Dash greeted as she entered the purple pony’s library house. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, how’s everything?” Twilight asked. “It’s all good. Hey, do you have a spell that will stop STIs from reaching my body?”
Author: *snicker* That’s... actually somewhat funny.
Twilight: … do I have to slap an Author?
Author: Not if you use good grammar.
*Twilight bitch slaps Author anyway*
Rainbow asked quickly in hesitation. “A spell that will WHAT!?” the unicorn wanted Rainbow to say that again. “A spell that… that… look, Twilight, a blue hedgehog wants to fuck me and I said yes like some idiot!” Rainbow admitted.
Author: She CAN learn! I thought RD was an idiot...
*Rainbow Dash bitch slaps Author*
Author: Augh, how did you even do that?!
Twilight thought for a second and looked in her spell book. “S… S… S… Sexual… Sexual… Sexual… Aha!”
Author: SSSSSSSSSSSSexual, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!
Rarity: That doesn’t even make any sense.
*Author flips Rarity the bird, but she has no clue what it means. Basically, Author failed.*
Twilight’s horn glowed as she placed it near Rainbow’s vulva. Rainbow’s pussy started glowing, then a flash could be seen. During this flash, Dashie was in slight pain.
Author: Wouldn’t that be a bit awkward?
Twilight: *sarcastic* Noo, I do this alll the time...
Author: So Twilight’s playa too!
*Fluttershy bitch slaps Author*
Author: DA FUQ?!
*Applejack bitch slaps Author*
“Aaaagh… Thanks, Twilight. You really are a great friend,” she acknowledged Twilight’s magic and her friendship with the greatest student in Equestria and hugged her. She left the library only to be greeted by Pinkie Pie.
“HI, DASHIE!” Pinkie screamed in Rainbow’s face.
All: AH!
Twilight: If I were Dash, I’d be running for the hills by now.
“Woah, there, Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow said. “Have you seen the Cakes’ new cakes? They taste SCRUMPTIOUS! However I cannot get that metal taste off my tongue.
Rarity: I suppose the Cakes picked up on Pinkie’s basement hobby.
*Twilight pimp slaps Rarity*
Twilight: NO. WE DO NOT REFERENCE CUPCAKES HERE.
Author: NOW KISS.
*Twilight pimp and bitch slaps Author, and so does Pinkie*
What did they use? Doesn’t matter. All I know is that it tastes soooooo goooood!” Pinkie told Rainbow as her mouth watered at the taste of Mr and Mrs Cake’s new freshly-baked cakes.
RatherHomely: Note that was NOT a synonym for penis or vagina. I think.
“Sorry, Pinkie, I don’t have time. I’ve gotta see…” Rainbow Dash stopped as the thought of sexual intercourse plagued her brain. “…The Wonderbolts! See you later Pinkie!” Rainbow said in fast pace and quickly soared to Cloudsdale, where she did her duty as leader of the weather factory.
Rarity: I think that managing those activities would be more interesting than this fic.
Twilight: The main character has only had like seven lines. What good writing.
Night came; Rainbow was stressed at her time at work.
Author: Achievement Earned: DA FUQ DOES THAT MEAN?!
Twilight: That’s not an achievement.
But she remembered. “Sonic!” she whispered to herself. She opened the door
Author: Achievement Earned: DA FUQ DOES THAT MEAN?! X2
and swiftly glided to the spot where she met the hedgehog. ‘Phew, he’s not here,’ she thought to herself, and was about to fly back to her home until a hand groped
Twilight: That’s not even possible. You grab a tail, not grope.
Author: God Twilight, stop being all bitchy.
Twilight: *angry* What has gotten into you Author?!
Author: *now dressed in Spiderman outfit* I don’t even give a fuck anymore about this fic. It’s too bad for me to.
her tail. She was shocked for a moment, she turned her head to see what could be holding her from escape. It was none other than Sonic the Hedgehog. “Trying to escape, are we, Rainbow Dash?” Sonic asked as he ate a chilli dog.
Author: *still wearing outfit* I would comment on how we don’t ever mention that show, but I don’t give a fuck.
“Uhhhh… no! I thought you weren’t coming so I decided to go home.”
Sonic finished off his chilli dog, eating it as he was eating a juicy, hard penis.
Author: *now wearing Bromir outfit* "One does not simply eat a penis.
Twilight: I’m officially scared of Author.
Rarity: He’s gone over the deep end.
He hopped onto Dashie’s back and spanked her cutie mark. “Go!” Sonic demanded; this triggered Rainbow Dash’s wings to unfold and leave the ground. Away they went, to the household of Rainbow Alexsi Dash.
Upon arrival, Rainbow Dash, realising she kept the door open, attempted entering but Sonic dashed first, blocking her way for a few milliseconds. Sonic lay on the bed, with his erect schlong.
Twilight: Gotta love the choice of words here.
“So… come on, Dashie… you said you’d do this,” Sonic said. Rainbow Dash nervously bent her body, emphasising her plot.
Author: *wearing glasses and a black jacket* Dat ass.
Sonic’s already hard member had got even harder.
Rarity and Twilight: Next chapter...?
Author: This is where the clop begins.
*Rarity and Twilight share a look*
Sonic’s rod was fully inside Rainbow Dash. For the pale blue pegasus, it hurt her at first, but when Sonic thrusted, moving his cock up and down rubbing against the walls of Rainbow’s cooter, she felt pleasured. “Oh my go—OH MY GOD SONIC! HARDER! BETTER! FASTER! STRONGER!”
Author: *wearing robot outfit* HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER MORE THAN EVER HOUR AFTER HOUR OUR WORK IS NEVER OVER
Rarity and Twilight: ...
she exclaimed. “Well, okay then!” Sonic responded, pushing more effort into his lunges. Rainbow Dash was sweating more; you could describe it as a waterfall.
Twilight: Thanks for that mental image.
Her love wound closed in while Sonic shifted his dong
Twilight: Every time he mentions... that body part, he uses a different, more obscure words. I’m not even sure dong is even a word.
, causing tension and pain for both the pony and the hedgehog. This only made Sonic thrust faster. “Oh my god Rainbow Dash, you’re so fucking sexy!” he shouted. He didn’t realise that he was put under the curse he was put through in Sonic Unleashed
Rarity: And I’m sure he will explain that curse.
…
…
…
Rarity: No? Well, moving on then.
, and soon, a purple flare appeared from his body. “AaaaaAAAARGH!” Sonic groaned in pain as he unleashed his night form: Sonic the Werehog.
Author: We’re hog?
His disco stick grew in circumference. This, although in a painful way, pleasured the pegasus even more!
Twilight: So RD is now a masochist.
“I-I-I’m so sorry, Rainbow Dash!” Sonic apologised, his dick stuck in Dash’s clit. “What’s to apologise? Keep buckin’” she answered, and Sonic did just that. 2 minutes had elapsed, Sonic was about to uncontrollably release his seed from his hairy hose.
Twilight: Here’s a list of the words for penis so far: penis, schlong, member, rod, cock, dong, disco stick, and hose.
“I THI-I THINK I’M GONNA CUM!” he screamed while he orgasmed. His thrusting only became quicker. Soon, he started squirting his seed into her plant pot
Author: THAT’S IT. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WORDING IS THIS? ‘PLANT POT’? WHO IN THE WORLD SAYS THAT?! ARGHHHH!
, uncontrollably howling as a result of his orgasm. He rested his head on Rainbow Dash’s body, his shaft
Twilight: Oops, add shaft.
still inside her box. At this point she had rested too, sitting on her bed as the seed leaked from her and fell on her bed sheets. “I-I love you, Dashie,” Sonic sighed in exhaustion. “I-I love you too…” Dashie too sighed.
Twilight: Here’s a summary of what we just read: Rainbow Dash meets Sonic. Sonic wants to engage in intercourse with her. Rainbow Dash complies, and gets a STI/STD prevention spell from me. Then they have sex while Sonic changes from a blue hedgehog to a werehog. Then they love each other. The end.
To be continued…?
Author: FUCK NO.
Author: Nope. Not even gonna talk to you guys. I have unfinished business.
*Twilight and Rarity share a look*
*Author leaves*
Mister Fluttershy: Doo doo doo...
*Author pops out from nowhere*
Author: Hey!
Mister Fluttershy: Ah!
Author: You’re that guy who made a fanfic starring me!
Mister Fluttershy: Oh. Who are you?
Author: Author, bitch. Remember that name.
Mister Fluttershy: *donning a trollface* Oh, really? You’re uglier than I thought you would look...
Author: …
*Mister Fluttershy skips away, wearing a trollface the whole time*
Author: WHY ME?!
Okay, so this story here is called Sonic's Little Bonus. It's a crossover-clop-troll fic. I shall abstain from making any further comments.
You can read the unriffed version here.
Enjoy!
Alright Mister Fluttershy here. I’m pretty freaking bored. So I did a riff of the first badly rated clopfic I could find, and that was ‘Sonic’s Little Bonus’ Enjoy!
Author: So... bored...
*Rarity and Twilight walk in*
Rarity: What is it darling?
Author: Well I-
Twilight: No, she wasn’t talking to you. She was talking to the giant Pinkie face right above us.
Author: Wha-?
Pinkie Pie: Hi!
All: Ah!
Pinkie Pie: I have a story for you! Sonic’s Little Bonus, by Flaky. It’s a clop/troll fic.
Author: Great, now I have this to pile onto the feeling of unhappiness and boredom.
Rarity: Don’t be so down!
All: *lackluster pitch-in by Author* We’ve got story sign!
It was a normal day in Ponyville, Equestria.
Author: , Milky Way, Universe.
Twilight: Actually, Equestria is in the-
Author: I don’t even care. It was funny.
Birds were tweeting across Fluttershy’s cottage,
Twilight: I get what it’s trying to say but, what? That barely makes any sense grammatically.
Author: *cough*Nazi*cough*
Twilight: *menacingly* What did you say?
Author: Er... Were they using their iPhones or Androids?
Twilight Sparkle was studying
Author: Believe it or not, the title of the book was “How to write a good fanfiction”. The author of this story needs to read that.
Twilight: Honestly, this isn’t so bad so far. It’s only been like ten words in.
Rarity: Don’t jinx it.
and using Spike as a clipboard,
Twilight: So I was writing on him?
Author: Pics or it didn’t happen.
Pinkie Pie was taste-testing the Cakes’ cakes (no that’s not a synonym for penis or vagina.),
Rarity: Because we were obviously all thinking that.
Author: This guy knows us too well.
Rarity kept arguing with Sweetie Belle and Applejack worked hard with her sister Apple Bloom. Rainbow Dash, however, saw an unlikely figure near some trees in Ponyville.
Author: “Sasquatch? Is that you? I don’t think I’ve been shipped with you yet!”
“Hey! Who are you?” she called, flying downwards from a cloud in Cloudsdale to the ground of Ponyville.
Author: Wouldn’t that take a while?
Twilight: Considering Rainbow Dash can break the sound barrier, no.
The blue hedgehog turned his spiked head and aimed his green eyes at the rainbow-maned pegasus. Rainbow landed a few centimetres
Author: Damn British spelling.
Rarity: Which is completely grammatically correct.
Author: Not in America, bitch.
*Author pimp slapped by Rarity*
away from the figure. “My question is who are you?” the hedgehog responded. “I asked you first, so come on!” Rainbow demanded.
Twilight: Such pointless dialogue.
Rarity: I’m thinking the author just wanted padding.
“I’m Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest hedgehog alive!”
Twilight: Little known fact, real hedgehogs are actually pretty fast.
Sonic introduced himself to the blue pegasus. “I’m Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in all of Equestria!” Rainbow too introduced herself to the athletic hedgehog who is now a new friend of hers.
Author: “Hey I just met you, and this is-”
Twilight: *punches Author* NO.
She spread her wings to show her pride.
“Let’s test this out in bed, shall we?” Sonic said, seducing the pony.
Author: Sonic is now a playa.
Twilight: Still sudden.
Author: Still playa. I think, if he’s successful, he’ll be as big a playa Barney.
*Rarity and Twilight give Author a look*
Author: Don’t question Barney’s awesomeness.
Rainbow bent her wings down, as if Sonic had killed a wingboner.
Author: YOU MUST DIE.
Rarity: “Oh no, now I have to clean up this mess...”
Twilight: You mean the body?
Rarity: Yes.
Author: NOW KISS.
*Rarity and Twilight buck Author in the face, sending him into a pile of spikes*
“Uhhh… you don’t mean…” Rainbow asked; terrified at what Sonic wanted her to do. “Yes, tonight, anywhere you want,” Sonic responded.
Author: I would not could not on a boat...
Rarity: This is what you don’t do kids.
“I don’t know, Sonic… I mean… we just MET. I don’t want to jump straight into this, even if I like getting straight into action,” “Don’t want to!? What are you, a chicken!?”
Author: BAKAWWW
Sonic was not happy with Rainbow’s denial, and started to do a Scoota—sorry, I meant chicken impression.
Author: Ba-dum tish...?
“Hey! I am NOT a chicken!” Rainbow shouted. “Then you would get it on with me,” Sonic replied.
Twilight: I’m not sure who this Sonic guy is. Is he, like, a character from a book in the human world?
Rarity: Yes, I’m quite confused as well.
Author: This holds all the information you might ever need.
Rainbow Dash closed her wings, she needed time to think. Soon, she started hallucinating two small pegasi that looked exactly like Pinkie Pie with, one wearing an angel’s costume, another wearing a devil’s outfit. “Look, Dashie, if you don’t want to do it, it’s fine! It’s your choice!” the angel Pinkie started to speak. “Oh, shut the buck up, Pinkie. Now Rainbow, you’ve gotta show that bucking hedgehog what you’re made of! Let him!” the devil Pinkie exclaimed. “But Dashie! He might have some sort of STI! Chlamydia! Gonorrhea! Maybe HIV!”
Author: lol
Twilight: Did you really just say that?
Author: Damn straight.
“I guess you’re right…” Rainbow Dash quietly said to the angel Pinkie illusion. “He will wrap it up, you bucking retard!” Devil Pinkie argued. “And you’re right too… and I need to show that hedgehog that I am not a chicken! I’ll do it!” Rainbow Dash decided to the two Pinkies. “That’s the spirit! Now show him!” Devil Pinkie praised while Angel Pinkie sighed in disappointment. They disappeared from Rainbow Dash’s mind, Sonic noticing all that time that Dashie was talking to something.
Author: Is it okay if I didn’t understand one word of that?
Twilight: No. That was actually pretty easy to understand.
Author: Welp, Imma go and cry myself to sleep then.
“Um, Rainbow Dash, who are you talking to?” Sonic asked in curiousness. “Nothing… n-nothing… I’ll do it, tonight, at my place,”
Rarity: When has Rainbow Dash ever stuttered? She too prideful to do that.
Author: You wanna go? Tonight, behind the Walgreens.
Rainbow Dash explained the location of their lovin’ time,
Twilight: No. Just... no. That makes no sense.
pointing towards her house in Cloudsdale. “Meet me here tonight and I’ll take you there.” “Sweet! See ya tonight!” Sonic concluded and swiftly ran to the distance.
Author: “Sweet! I just had seven lines of dialogue and scored!”
Rainbow smiled, then as she could see Sonic no more, her face transitioned to a horrified face. “Oh, buck! What did I get myself into!?” she spoke to herself.
Author: The worst thing imaginable: A BAD FANFIC!
All: AH!
Author: Time for Chapter 2!
All: ALLONS-Y!
Mister Fluttershy: I don’t even know what that means! :sadfaic: Just something to do with Doctor Who...
*Author punches air that Mister Fluttershy used to occupy
Author: Damnit! I will get you yet...
The afternoon is here, and time is only ticking away. Rainbow decided it was time to talk to Twilight. “Hey, Twi,” Rainbow Dash greeted as she entered the purple pony’s library house. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, how’s everything?” Twilight asked. “It’s all good. Hey, do you have a spell that will stop STIs from reaching my body?”
Author: *snicker* That’s... actually somewhat funny.
Twilight: … do I have to slap an Author?
Author: Not if you use good grammar.
*Twilight bitch slaps Author anyway*
Rainbow asked quickly in hesitation. “A spell that will WHAT!?” the unicorn wanted Rainbow to say that again. “A spell that… that… look, Twilight, a blue hedgehog wants to fuck me and I said yes like some idiot!” Rainbow admitted.
Author: She CAN learn! I thought RD was an idiot...
*Rainbow Dash bitch slaps Author*
Author: Augh, how did you even do that?!
Twilight thought for a second and looked in her spell book. “S… S… S… Sexual… Sexual… Sexual… Aha!”
Author: SSSSSSSSSSSSexual, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA!
Rarity: That doesn’t even make any sense.
*Author flips Rarity the bird, but she has no clue what it means. Basically, Author failed.*
Twilight’s horn glowed as she placed it near Rainbow’s vulva. Rainbow’s pussy started glowing, then a flash could be seen. During this flash, Dashie was in slight pain.
Author: Wouldn’t that be a bit awkward?
Twilight: *sarcastic* Noo, I do this alll the time...
Author: So Twilight’s playa too!
*Fluttershy bitch slaps Author*
Author: DA FUQ?!
*Applejack bitch slaps Author*
“Aaaagh… Thanks, Twilight. You really are a great friend,” she acknowledged Twilight’s magic and her friendship with the greatest student in Equestria and hugged her. She left the library only to be greeted by Pinkie Pie.
“HI, DASHIE!” Pinkie screamed in Rainbow’s face.
All: AH!
Twilight: If I were Dash, I’d be running for the hills by now.
“Woah, there, Pinkie Pie!” Rainbow said. “Have you seen the Cakes’ new cakes? They taste SCRUMPTIOUS! However I cannot get that metal taste off my tongue.
Rarity: I suppose the Cakes picked up on Pinkie’s basement hobby.
*Twilight pimp slaps Rarity*
Twilight: NO. WE DO NOT REFERENCE CUPCAKES HERE.
Author: NOW KISS.
*Twilight pimp and bitch slaps Author, and so does Pinkie*
What did they use? Doesn’t matter. All I know is that it tastes soooooo goooood!” Pinkie told Rainbow as her mouth watered at the taste of Mr and Mrs Cake’s new freshly-baked cakes.
RatherHomely: Note that was NOT a synonym for penis or vagina. I think.
“Sorry, Pinkie, I don’t have time. I’ve gotta see…” Rainbow Dash stopped as the thought of sexual intercourse plagued her brain. “…The Wonderbolts! See you later Pinkie!” Rainbow said in fast pace and quickly soared to Cloudsdale, where she did her duty as leader of the weather factory.
Rarity: I think that managing those activities would be more interesting than this fic.
Twilight: The main character has only had like seven lines. What good writing.
Night came; Rainbow was stressed at her time at work.
Author: Achievement Earned: DA FUQ DOES THAT MEAN?!
Twilight: That’s not an achievement.
But she remembered. “Sonic!” she whispered to herself. She opened the door
Author: Achievement Earned: DA FUQ DOES THAT MEAN?! X2
and swiftly glided to the spot where she met the hedgehog. ‘Phew, he’s not here,’ she thought to herself, and was about to fly back to her home until a hand groped
Twilight: That’s not even possible. You grab a tail, not grope.
Author: God Twilight, stop being all bitchy.
Twilight: *angry* What has gotten into you Author?!
Author: *now dressed in Spiderman outfit* I don’t even give a fuck anymore about this fic. It’s too bad for me to.
her tail. She was shocked for a moment, she turned her head to see what could be holding her from escape. It was none other than Sonic the Hedgehog. “Trying to escape, are we, Rainbow Dash?” Sonic asked as he ate a chilli dog.
Author: *still wearing outfit* I would comment on how we don’t ever mention that show, but I don’t give a fuck.
“Uhhhh… no! I thought you weren’t coming so I decided to go home.”
Sonic finished off his chilli dog, eating it as he was eating a juicy, hard penis.
Author: *now wearing Bromir outfit* "One does not simply eat a penis.
Twilight: I’m officially scared of Author.
Rarity: He’s gone over the deep end.
He hopped onto Dashie’s back and spanked her cutie mark. “Go!” Sonic demanded; this triggered Rainbow Dash’s wings to unfold and leave the ground. Away they went, to the household of Rainbow Alexsi Dash.
Upon arrival, Rainbow Dash, realising she kept the door open, attempted entering but Sonic dashed first, blocking her way for a few milliseconds. Sonic lay on the bed, with his erect schlong.
Twilight: Gotta love the choice of words here.
“So… come on, Dashie… you said you’d do this,” Sonic said. Rainbow Dash nervously bent her body, emphasising her plot.
Author: *wearing glasses and a black jacket* Dat ass.
Sonic’s already hard member had got even harder.
Rarity and Twilight: Next chapter...?
Author: This is where the clop begins.
*Rarity and Twilight share a look*
Sonic’s rod was fully inside Rainbow Dash. For the pale blue pegasus, it hurt her at first, but when Sonic thrusted, moving his cock up and down rubbing against the walls of Rainbow’s cooter, she felt pleasured. “Oh my go—OH MY GOD SONIC! HARDER! BETTER! FASTER! STRONGER!”
Author: *wearing robot outfit* HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER MORE THAN EVER HOUR AFTER HOUR OUR WORK IS NEVER OVER
Rarity and Twilight: ...
she exclaimed. “Well, okay then!” Sonic responded, pushing more effort into his lunges. Rainbow Dash was sweating more; you could describe it as a waterfall.
Twilight: Thanks for that mental image.
Her love wound closed in while Sonic shifted his dong
Twilight: Every time he mentions... that body part, he uses a different, more obscure words. I’m not even sure dong is even a word.
, causing tension and pain for both the pony and the hedgehog. This only made Sonic thrust faster. “Oh my god Rainbow Dash, you’re so fucking sexy!” he shouted. He didn’t realise that he was put under the curse he was put through in Sonic Unleashed
Rarity: And I’m sure he will explain that curse.
…
…
…
Rarity: No? Well, moving on then.
, and soon, a purple flare appeared from his body. “AaaaaAAAARGH!” Sonic groaned in pain as he unleashed his night form: Sonic the Werehog.
Author: We’re hog?
His disco stick grew in circumference. This, although in a painful way, pleasured the pegasus even more!
Twilight: So RD is now a masochist.
“I-I-I’m so sorry, Rainbow Dash!” Sonic apologised, his dick stuck in Dash’s clit. “What’s to apologise? Keep buckin’” she answered, and Sonic did just that. 2 minutes had elapsed, Sonic was about to uncontrollably release his seed from his hairy hose.
Twilight: Here’s a list of the words for penis so far: penis, schlong, member, rod, cock, dong, disco stick, and hose.
“I THI-I THINK I’M GONNA CUM!” he screamed while he orgasmed. His thrusting only became quicker. Soon, he started squirting his seed into her plant pot
Author: THAT’S IT. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WORDING IS THIS? ‘PLANT POT’? WHO IN THE WORLD SAYS THAT?! ARGHHHH!
, uncontrollably howling as a result of his orgasm. He rested his head on Rainbow Dash’s body, his shaft
Twilight: Oops, add shaft.
still inside her box. At this point she had rested too, sitting on her bed as the seed leaked from her and fell on her bed sheets. “I-I love you, Dashie,” Sonic sighed in exhaustion. “I-I love you too…” Dashie too sighed.
Twilight: Here’s a summary of what we just read: Rainbow Dash meets Sonic. Sonic wants to engage in intercourse with her. Rainbow Dash complies, and gets a STI/STD prevention spell from me. Then they have sex while Sonic changes from a blue hedgehog to a werehog. Then they love each other. The end.
To be continued…?
Author: FUCK NO.
Author: Nope. Not even gonna talk to you guys. I have unfinished business.
*Twilight and Rarity share a look*
*Author leaves*
Mister Fluttershy: Doo doo doo...
*Author pops out from nowhere*
Author: Hey!
Mister Fluttershy: Ah!
Author: You’re that guy who made a fanfic starring me!
Mister Fluttershy: Oh. Who are you?
Author: Author, bitch. Remember that name.
Mister Fluttershy: *donning a trollface* Oh, really? You’re uglier than I thought you would look...
Author: …
*Mister Fluttershy skips away, wearing a trollface the whole time*
Author: WHY ME?!