MPPT3K Guest Submission:
Texas Hold'em With The Humans of Equestria
So, remember when I said I was talking to Mister Fluttershy about doing a riff? Well... He said he really wanted to do a riff of his own story too! What a guy!
Anyway, here it is! Enjoy!
MisterFluttershy: Hello, fillies and gentlecolts. Here I bring you a riff of my own story: Texas Hold ‘em With The Humans of Equestria. RatherHomely suggested I riff the story (even though he didn’t think he did) in coordination with him. I actually haven’t seen his riff yet so any resemblances with his real riffing is unintentional. I haven’t riffed before, but I’m giving it a try anyway! Enjoy!
Author: *looking at computer screen* Son of a Bi-
Twilight: *walks into room with Fluttershy* What did you call us for, Author?
Fluttershy: Is it….another one of your…st-stories?
Author: -ble. Huh? Oh, hi guys. Yeah! I made a crossover with Doki Doki Panic and I wanted you guys to help me!
*collective groan*
Author: But first…
*door slams shut*
Author: I need your help riffing this story.
Twilight and Fluttershy: You WANT to riff a story?!
Author: Sure as stone. He made fun of me! *pout*
Twilight: *mumbles under breath* Can’t imagine why…
Author: *oblivious*WE GOT STORY SIGN! LET’S DO THIS!
“Ante’s five bits.”
Author: Riveting story. I’m hooked.
The eight figures pushed five bits into the pot, waiting for their cards. Small conversation was made.
“Second?”
“Yeah Connor?”
“How’s…the taking over the world thing going?”
“Hmm…good enough I suppose. I think it could be better. The Elements of Harmony making a bit of a problem, you know.”
Author: I wonder why?
“…I see. Still kind of a jerk move though. Taking over the world is kind of…storybook.”
“…”
“Harmony got your tongue, Second?” A different voice chimed in.
“Shut up Josh. That wasn’t even funny.”
Twilight: Josh? Who’s Josh? Who’s Second or Connor for that matter?
Author: The joke’s still lame anyway.
The momentary bickering was stopped when the first hand was dealt. Everyone looked at their cards, with varying reactions.
“Josh, you’re wearing a bad poker face.”
Author: P-p-p-poker face.
“Kyle…you’re such a freakin’ nerd.”
Author: Says the one who made a lame pun! *Twilight gives him a weird look* Umm…I’m fine!
“What?” Someone else asked.
“No no no… not you Kyle… the Kyle who’s a brony.”
“Umm… that’s me too…”
“Erm… the Kyle who has an affair with Rainbow Dash.”
Fluttershy: Oh dear…
Author: Saucy! *smacked by Twilight*
“Umm…”
“GRAH! Never mind! You know what I mean-“
“OBJECTION! No I don’t. But I do see something else; you’re clearly the killer!”
“What?!”
Author: WHAT A TWIST.
(Listen to this)
Author: Because we’re stupid enough to do that.
Fluttershy: *activates song*
Rick Astley: Never gonna give you up…~
*collective groan*
Fluttershy: He asked so nicely…
“It’s obvious! You’ve got no alibi! And I have all the proof I need!” Kyle Bucy produced a stack of papers and pointed at it pointedly. It was obviously blank.
Author: I sense a repetition of words in the force.
Twilight: Wordplay. Oh how I love it...
“Kyle?! What the hell are you talking about?!”
Kyle Bucy shook his head. “You don’t see? I’ve got you cornered! Give it up, Josh Schwartz! Or should I say: Joshy boy?!”
Fluttershy:...sh-should I know this nickname?
Josh was shaking. “How…how did you know that nickname?”
Author: Speaking of which, how DID he know that nickname?
Kyle Bucy slammed his hands on the table and pointed at Josh. “I have a witness of the murder! I call-“
Twilight: “-my mom. What? I haven’t seen her in a while...”
Kyle’s papers were set on fire suddenly. He dropped then and hopped around savoring his burned hand. All eyes turned to a unicorn.
Author: Breaking news: An arsonist is caught burning papers
“Heh. Can we play poker now? I can’t listen to crap all night.”
“Fiery… you’re right. Let’s play.” Second smirked. “I was fed up too.”
Twilight: You are looking rather pudgy…
The dealer sighed and shook his head. “Connor starts the bet.”
“Seven bits.” The man said as he put in his bet.
*cough*pussy *cough*
Author: *cough* this story sucks *cough*
Twilght: Author…it’s not even that bad so far. Maybe a little confusing…but not horrible.
Author: Just you wait…
“Okay, who said that?!” Connor demanded.
“Fiery.” Everyone with a brain and a set of ears said. So this excluded Author.
All: …
Author: *not noticing Twilight’s and Fluttershy’s silence* HEY! F*** YOU!
Fluttershy: Oh! Oh…oh my…
Twilight: Wow. It’s not like you to curse. *under her breath* Good job guy. Keep it up…he needs a piece of humble pie…
“Wow. Thanks for ratting me out guys. I *belch* do sooooooooooooo much fer you guys an’ what do I get? Nothin’. Absolutely-“ He fell over with a thump. He was clearly drunk off his ass.
Author: Thank you Captain Obvious. I can’t wait for another report from Stupid Land.
*Twilight and Fluttershy back away a bit*
“Damn. Can we get a clean-up on Aisle 6?” Kyle said like a clerk at a store. The dealer sighed again (not a good habit) and went over to the drunken pony. He dragged his sorry ass to a couch, laid him there, and returned to his seat.
“Okay, now that that’s done… your bet Second.”
“Of course Coal. I see your seven bits and raise it twenty-three, for a total of thirty bits.”
“High rolla!” Someone piped in.
“Author… just go write a story or something…”
Author: I AM THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Author: I already am.
Author: …this ‘Author’ is a retard.
“Wh-who said that?” Kyle Bucy asked.
Author: I am legion, for we are many.
Author: JOKES ON YOU, I’M NOT CHRISTIAN!
*Twilight and Fluttershy quietly press the button and book it out of there*
“He’s using the speaker, guys.” Kyle unplugged the speaker.
“Shoot. FOILED AGAIN! I would have gotten away with it to if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”
Author said in a mock-adult voice.
Author: I’M AN ADULT! *throws it on the ground*
“Author, sit down, and play poker or I’ll get Coal to make you.” Second warned rather non-menacingly. Using someone else as a threat works like that.
“…okay.” Author sat back down, crestfallen.
Author: *has tear in eye* I…I wouldn’t be sad!
“Um… Kyle your bet.”
“BRILLIANT! Let’s do this; LEEEEEEEROOOOYYYY JJJEEEENNNKINS…all in!”
“All in?!” Everyone asked disbelievingly.
Author: All in?
“All in.” He leaned back in his chair. “Dis gon’ be good.”
Author: -when I rip BIG GAPING HOLES IN YOUR STORY!
With renewed determination, everyone looked at their hands.
“How many bits is that, Kyle?” Coal asked.
“Two hundred my dear fellow.”
“Whoa. Okay then. Your bet Kyle Bucy.”
“Hmm… I fold.” He gave in his cards. “I’m going to get something to drink.”
Author: *wipes tear from eye* Confound these people, they drive me to drink!
And with that, Kyle Bucy left the game.
Author: And went offline
“Alright then. Josh, your bet.” Coal stated.
“Ugh…” He looked at his cards nervously. “Um… CLIFF!”
Author: You big red dog you.
“What?”
Josh jumped out the window.
Author: There’s a window? Why wasn’t I told?
“Hm. Must have cracked under the pressure.” Second observed.
Coal sighed and left the room after Josh. The break had begun.
“So…Connor…how’s life?” Kyle asked casually.
“Oh? Fine…fine.”
“… So how’s Fluttersh-“
“I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HER! NO WAY NO HOW!”
Author: *waits for Fluttershy to say something* … *checks for her and finds both Twilight and Fluttershy gone* Wow. Thanks guys!
“…okay? I’m glad I asked…”
Kyle awkwardly walked away from the nervous wreck. He looked at his conversation options: Second, the depressed Author, and the snoozing Fiery. He decided to just sit and wait.
Author: I wonder what caused that decision.
Second looked mischievously at the unplugged stereo. He sneakily plugged it back in and picked up the microphone that was attached to it.
Heh heh heh.
Author: SWAG
He tapped the microphone.
“Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
Author: Buck this. *puts on ear muffs*
When we drink we do it right gettin’ slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6”
Everyone who remained looked disbelievingly at the jamming Second. Connor groaned.
“Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Hell Yea
Drink it up, drink-drink it up,
When sober girls around me, they be actin’ like they drunk
They be actin’ like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk
When sober girls around me they be actin’ like they drunk”
Despite the circumstances, Second was actually pretty dope on the mic.
Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
By now Coal had returned with Josh (who looked pretty beat up) and was giving the oblivious Second a blank stare.
Hell Yea
Drink it up, drink-drink it up,
When sober girls around me, they be actin’ like they drunk
They be actin’ like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk
When sober girls around me they be actin’ like they drunk
Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Kyle and Author joined in. Somehow rave lights shined across the room.
Author: “When did I put those there?”
It’s that eight-o’eight bump, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put put yo, put yo hands up
It’s that eight-o’eight bump, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up
Hell Yea, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put put yo, put yo hands up
Hell Yea, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up
Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6”
“…”
Author: *takes off ear muffs* Back in business, baby.
Second sat down and looked at his cards.
“Come on. Let’s play.”
Author: -Super Mario 64. I am Author, and I will be playing today.
Everyone just stared for a second, shrugged, and sat down. They had all seen worse.
Author: *shudders*
Somehow Fiery was still asleep and Josh had passed out.
“Umm…I call the bet.” Coal said, pushing in his two hundred bits. “And Josh and Fiery fold automatically.”
“I call it too.” Author said, now more confident due to his performance.
Author: I performed? Eh, don’t care; had sleep.
“Erm…I need to go to do um… something that doesn’t involve Fluttershy… I fold…” Connor said as he left, half running.
Author: Is that even possible? You’d look like a retarded horse…
“Okay. Second?” Coal asked.
“I call.” Second stated.
“The flop.” Coal showed the flop. It was an ace of spades, a two of diamonds, and a king of hearts.
“Damn. That’s awful.” Kyle commented
Author: I agree. This is awful.
, now re-looking at his cards.
“Your bet Second.”
“Hmm… I check in favor of Kyle.”
“Okay. Kyle can’t bet… so Author?”
Author: What a 4th wall breaker.
Author:…wow that was bad.
“Author… stop.” Coal growled.
“What?” I’m just sitting here.”
They looked and sure enough, Author was sitting there without the microphone.
“Then…who was that?” Author asked, quite scared.
Author: Me? Scared of an omnipotent voice? Pfft.
The microphone was unplugged, probably yanked out during Second’s song.
“I’ve heard weirder things than that from Pinkie. Let’s just go… Author?” Coal shrugged.
“Hmm… I check also.”
Author: Okay, who says also instead of too? That just sounds dumb also.
“Alright. I-“
”OH NO! AN EVIL DEMON IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL! WE NEED SOME HELP!”
Coal sighed and put down his cards. “I guess I’ll go take care of that. Make sure Fluffy gets her food if I don’t come back.” He picked up his giant sword, and looked it over. “It could be worse. It could be spewing lasers out its-“
Author: GOD this is cliche!
“OH DEAR GOD! IT’S SHOOTING LASERS OUT ITS EYES! AND I THINK IT JUST ATE SOME KID! OH SWEET JESUS! NOW IT’S LITERALLY CRAPPING OUT BOMBS! HELP!”
Coal just sighed and left the room, crying a little on the inside.
Author: Much like me and many of the viewers.
“Wow. What a soldier.” Author commented.
“That’s because for us it’s a giant laser shooting demon who craps bombs, but to him it’s Tuesday.” Second theorized.
“…probably.”
Author: OBJECTION! I never agree easily!
“I’ll deal.” Kyle said as he picked up the deck. Only Second, Kyle and Author remained.
Author: Hell yeah.
“The turn”
It revealed a three of diamonds.
“Heh. Three diamonds. Like Rarity’s flank. Heh.” Kyle commented, chuckling like a forever alone teenager.
Author: To Kyle’s misfortune, this is most likely true.
“I check again.” Second knocked on the table nonchalantly.
“Me too.” Author and Kyle said at the same time. They shared a look then looked away feeling weird.
Author: …and WHY do I feel weird?
“Okie dokie lokie… awkward penguin… the river.” Kyle stuttered. He flipped over the last card: a queen of clubs.
Author: “Come hither, my subjects! We will club the world.”
“Is that… a straight?!” Second asked, thoroughly flabbergasted. The whole thing showed an ace
of spades, a two of diamonds, a king of hearts, a three of hearts, and a queen of diamonds.
“Nope! Chuck Testa! The ace can’t be used high and low.” Kyle explained.
“I see.”
Author: So says the blind man.
“Second?”
“I check again.”
“I check also. Author?”
“Mhm.”
Author: Twenty bucks says I win.
Things were tense. A total of six hundred and forty bits were on the line. Even Kyle and Author didn’t crack a joke.
“Author. You show.” Kyle ordered.
“What?! Why me?”
Author: “Why must I read this story?!”
“I dunno. Just do it.”
Author hesitantly flipped over his cards to reveal two aces.
“DAYUM GIRLLL! That’s a good hand!” Kyle commented.
Author: *bows* I know, I know, I’m great, thank you!
“Heheheheh. HAHAHAHAHAH!” Second bellowed.
“Um… you okay bro?” Author was a little hesitant to say anything after his little outburst.
Author:…bro? I don’t say bro, bro.
“Yep. I just won six hundred bits biatch!” Second flipped his hand over to show he had a four and five.That made a low straight.
“I’ll be taking all this, tha-
Author: GOD MOTHER FU**ING DAMNIT! WHAT THE FU**!
*flips over the computer, breaking it.*
GRAH! WHAT A DOUCHEBAG AUTHOR! IF I GET MY HANDS ON HIM I’LL KILL ‘EM!
*flips over table, turning off the monitor. The last thing that can be heard is a muffled sob*
Anyway, here it is! Enjoy!
MisterFluttershy: Hello, fillies and gentlecolts. Here I bring you a riff of my own story: Texas Hold ‘em With The Humans of Equestria. RatherHomely suggested I riff the story (even though he didn’t think he did) in coordination with him. I actually haven’t seen his riff yet so any resemblances with his real riffing is unintentional. I haven’t riffed before, but I’m giving it a try anyway! Enjoy!
Author: *looking at computer screen* Son of a Bi-
Twilight: *walks into room with Fluttershy* What did you call us for, Author?
Fluttershy: Is it….another one of your…st-stories?
Author: -ble. Huh? Oh, hi guys. Yeah! I made a crossover with Doki Doki Panic and I wanted you guys to help me!
*collective groan*
Author: But first…
*door slams shut*
Author: I need your help riffing this story.
Twilight and Fluttershy: You WANT to riff a story?!
Author: Sure as stone. He made fun of me! *pout*
Twilight: *mumbles under breath* Can’t imagine why…
Author: *oblivious*WE GOT STORY SIGN! LET’S DO THIS!
“Ante’s five bits.”
Author: Riveting story. I’m hooked.
The eight figures pushed five bits into the pot, waiting for their cards. Small conversation was made.
“Second?”
“Yeah Connor?”
“How’s…the taking over the world thing going?”
“Hmm…good enough I suppose. I think it could be better. The Elements of Harmony making a bit of a problem, you know.”
Author: I wonder why?
“…I see. Still kind of a jerk move though. Taking over the world is kind of…storybook.”
“…”
“Harmony got your tongue, Second?” A different voice chimed in.
“Shut up Josh. That wasn’t even funny.”
Twilight: Josh? Who’s Josh? Who’s Second or Connor for that matter?
Author: The joke’s still lame anyway.
The momentary bickering was stopped when the first hand was dealt. Everyone looked at their cards, with varying reactions.
“Josh, you’re wearing a bad poker face.”
Author: P-p-p-poker face.
“Kyle…you’re such a freakin’ nerd.”
Author: Says the one who made a lame pun! *Twilight gives him a weird look* Umm…I’m fine!
“What?” Someone else asked.
“No no no… not you Kyle… the Kyle who’s a brony.”
“Umm… that’s me too…”
“Erm… the Kyle who has an affair with Rainbow Dash.”
Fluttershy: Oh dear…
Author: Saucy! *smacked by Twilight*
“Umm…”
“GRAH! Never mind! You know what I mean-“
“OBJECTION! No I don’t. But I do see something else; you’re clearly the killer!”
“What?!”
Author: WHAT A TWIST.
(Listen to this)
Author: Because we’re stupid enough to do that.
Fluttershy: *activates song*
Rick Astley: Never gonna give you up…~
*collective groan*
Fluttershy: He asked so nicely…
“It’s obvious! You’ve got no alibi! And I have all the proof I need!” Kyle Bucy produced a stack of papers and pointed at it pointedly. It was obviously blank.
Author: I sense a repetition of words in the force.
Twilight: Wordplay. Oh how I love it...
“Kyle?! What the hell are you talking about?!”
Kyle Bucy shook his head. “You don’t see? I’ve got you cornered! Give it up, Josh Schwartz! Or should I say: Joshy boy?!”
Fluttershy:...sh-should I know this nickname?
Josh was shaking. “How…how did you know that nickname?”
Author: Speaking of which, how DID he know that nickname?
Kyle Bucy slammed his hands on the table and pointed at Josh. “I have a witness of the murder! I call-“
Twilight: “-my mom. What? I haven’t seen her in a while...”
Kyle’s papers were set on fire suddenly. He dropped then and hopped around savoring his burned hand. All eyes turned to a unicorn.
Author: Breaking news: An arsonist is caught burning papers
“Heh. Can we play poker now? I can’t listen to crap all night.”
“Fiery… you’re right. Let’s play.” Second smirked. “I was fed up too.”
Twilight: You are looking rather pudgy…
The dealer sighed and shook his head. “Connor starts the bet.”
“Seven bits.” The man said as he put in his bet.
*cough*pussy *cough*
Author: *cough* this story sucks *cough*
Twilght: Author…it’s not even that bad so far. Maybe a little confusing…but not horrible.
Author: Just you wait…
“Okay, who said that?!” Connor demanded.
“Fiery.” Everyone with a brain and a set of ears said. So this excluded Author.
All: …
Author: *not noticing Twilight’s and Fluttershy’s silence* HEY! F*** YOU!
Fluttershy: Oh! Oh…oh my…
Twilight: Wow. It’s not like you to curse. *under her breath* Good job guy. Keep it up…he needs a piece of humble pie…
“Wow. Thanks for ratting me out guys. I *belch* do sooooooooooooo much fer you guys an’ what do I get? Nothin’. Absolutely-“ He fell over with a thump. He was clearly drunk off his ass.
Author: Thank you Captain Obvious. I can’t wait for another report from Stupid Land.
*Twilight and Fluttershy back away a bit*
“Damn. Can we get a clean-up on Aisle 6?” Kyle said like a clerk at a store. The dealer sighed again (not a good habit) and went over to the drunken pony. He dragged his sorry ass to a couch, laid him there, and returned to his seat.
“Okay, now that that’s done… your bet Second.”
“Of course Coal. I see your seven bits and raise it twenty-three, for a total of thirty bits.”
“High rolla!” Someone piped in.
“Author… just go write a story or something…”
Author: I AM THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Author: I already am.
Author: …this ‘Author’ is a retard.
“Wh-who said that?” Kyle Bucy asked.
Author: I am legion, for we are many.
Author: JOKES ON YOU, I’M NOT CHRISTIAN!
*Twilight and Fluttershy quietly press the button and book it out of there*
“He’s using the speaker, guys.” Kyle unplugged the speaker.
“Shoot. FOILED AGAIN! I would have gotten away with it to if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”
Author said in a mock-adult voice.
Author: I’M AN ADULT! *throws it on the ground*
“Author, sit down, and play poker or I’ll get Coal to make you.” Second warned rather non-menacingly. Using someone else as a threat works like that.
“…okay.” Author sat back down, crestfallen.
Author: *has tear in eye* I…I wouldn’t be sad!
“Um… Kyle your bet.”
“BRILLIANT! Let’s do this; LEEEEEEEROOOOYYYY JJJEEEENNNKINS…all in!”
“All in?!” Everyone asked disbelievingly.
Author: All in?
“All in.” He leaned back in his chair. “Dis gon’ be good.”
Author: -when I rip BIG GAPING HOLES IN YOUR STORY!
With renewed determination, everyone looked at their hands.
“How many bits is that, Kyle?” Coal asked.
“Two hundred my dear fellow.”
“Whoa. Okay then. Your bet Kyle Bucy.”
“Hmm… I fold.” He gave in his cards. “I’m going to get something to drink.”
Author: *wipes tear from eye* Confound these people, they drive me to drink!
And with that, Kyle Bucy left the game.
Author: And went offline
“Alright then. Josh, your bet.” Coal stated.
“Ugh…” He looked at his cards nervously. “Um… CLIFF!”
Author: You big red dog you.
“What?”
Josh jumped out the window.
Author: There’s a window? Why wasn’t I told?
“Hm. Must have cracked under the pressure.” Second observed.
Coal sighed and left the room after Josh. The break had begun.
“So…Connor…how’s life?” Kyle asked casually.
“Oh? Fine…fine.”
“… So how’s Fluttersh-“
“I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HER! NO WAY NO HOW!”
Author: *waits for Fluttershy to say something* … *checks for her and finds both Twilight and Fluttershy gone* Wow. Thanks guys!
“…okay? I’m glad I asked…”
Kyle awkwardly walked away from the nervous wreck. He looked at his conversation options: Second, the depressed Author, and the snoozing Fiery. He decided to just sit and wait.
Author: I wonder what caused that decision.
Second looked mischievously at the unplugged stereo. He sneakily plugged it back in and picked up the microphone that was attached to it.
Heh heh heh.
Author: SWAG
He tapped the microphone.
“Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
Author: Buck this. *puts on ear muffs*
When we drink we do it right gettin’ slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6”
Everyone who remained looked disbelievingly at the jamming Second. Connor groaned.
“Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Hell Yea
Drink it up, drink-drink it up,
When sober girls around me, they be actin’ like they drunk
They be actin’ like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk
When sober girls around me they be actin’ like they drunk”
Despite the circumstances, Second was actually pretty dope on the mic.
Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
By now Coal had returned with Josh (who looked pretty beat up) and was giving the oblivious Second a blank stare.
Hell Yea
Drink it up, drink-drink it up,
When sober girls around me, they be actin’ like they drunk
They be actin’ like they drunk, actin-actin like they drunk
When sober girls around me they be actin’ like they drunk
Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Kyle and Author joined in. Somehow rave lights shined across the room.
Author: “When did I put those there?”
It’s that eight-o’eight bump, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put put yo, put yo hands up
It’s that eight-o’eight bump, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up
Hell Yea, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put put yo, put yo hands up
Hell Yea, make you put yo hands up
Make you put yo hands up, put yo, put yo hands up
Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin’ so fly like a G6”
“…”
Author: *takes off ear muffs* Back in business, baby.
Second sat down and looked at his cards.
“Come on. Let’s play.”
Author: -Super Mario 64. I am Author, and I will be playing today.
Everyone just stared for a second, shrugged, and sat down. They had all seen worse.
Author: *shudders*
Somehow Fiery was still asleep and Josh had passed out.
“Umm…I call the bet.” Coal said, pushing in his two hundred bits. “And Josh and Fiery fold automatically.”
“I call it too.” Author said, now more confident due to his performance.
Author: I performed? Eh, don’t care; had sleep.
“Erm…I need to go to do um… something that doesn’t involve Fluttershy… I fold…” Connor said as he left, half running.
Author: Is that even possible? You’d look like a retarded horse…
“Okay. Second?” Coal asked.
“I call.” Second stated.
“The flop.” Coal showed the flop. It was an ace of spades, a two of diamonds, and a king of hearts.
“Damn. That’s awful.” Kyle commented
Author: I agree. This is awful.
, now re-looking at his cards.
“Your bet Second.”
“Hmm… I check in favor of Kyle.”
“Okay. Kyle can’t bet… so Author?”
Author: What a 4th wall breaker.
Author:…wow that was bad.
“Author… stop.” Coal growled.
“What?” I’m just sitting here.”
They looked and sure enough, Author was sitting there without the microphone.
“Then…who was that?” Author asked, quite scared.
Author: Me? Scared of an omnipotent voice? Pfft.
The microphone was unplugged, probably yanked out during Second’s song.
“I’ve heard weirder things than that from Pinkie. Let’s just go… Author?” Coal shrugged.
“Hmm… I check also.”
Author: Okay, who says also instead of too? That just sounds dumb also.
“Alright. I-“
”OH NO! AN EVIL DEMON IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL! WE NEED SOME HELP!”
Coal sighed and put down his cards. “I guess I’ll go take care of that. Make sure Fluffy gets her food if I don’t come back.” He picked up his giant sword, and looked it over. “It could be worse. It could be spewing lasers out its-“
Author: GOD this is cliche!
“OH DEAR GOD! IT’S SHOOTING LASERS OUT ITS EYES! AND I THINK IT JUST ATE SOME KID! OH SWEET JESUS! NOW IT’S LITERALLY CRAPPING OUT BOMBS! HELP!”
Coal just sighed and left the room, crying a little on the inside.
Author: Much like me and many of the viewers.
“Wow. What a soldier.” Author commented.
“That’s because for us it’s a giant laser shooting demon who craps bombs, but to him it’s Tuesday.” Second theorized.
“…probably.”
Author: OBJECTION! I never agree easily!
“I’ll deal.” Kyle said as he picked up the deck. Only Second, Kyle and Author remained.
Author: Hell yeah.
“The turn”
It revealed a three of diamonds.
“Heh. Three diamonds. Like Rarity’s flank. Heh.” Kyle commented, chuckling like a forever alone teenager.
Author: To Kyle’s misfortune, this is most likely true.
“I check again.” Second knocked on the table nonchalantly.
“Me too.” Author and Kyle said at the same time. They shared a look then looked away feeling weird.
Author: …and WHY do I feel weird?
“Okie dokie lokie… awkward penguin… the river.” Kyle stuttered. He flipped over the last card: a queen of clubs.
Author: “Come hither, my subjects! We will club the world.”
“Is that… a straight?!” Second asked, thoroughly flabbergasted. The whole thing showed an ace
of spades, a two of diamonds, a king of hearts, a three of hearts, and a queen of diamonds.
“Nope! Chuck Testa! The ace can’t be used high and low.” Kyle explained.
“I see.”
Author: So says the blind man.
“Second?”
“I check again.”
“I check also. Author?”
“Mhm.”
Author: Twenty bucks says I win.
Things were tense. A total of six hundred and forty bits were on the line. Even Kyle and Author didn’t crack a joke.
“Author. You show.” Kyle ordered.
“What?! Why me?”
Author: “Why must I read this story?!”
“I dunno. Just do it.”
Author hesitantly flipped over his cards to reveal two aces.
“DAYUM GIRLLL! That’s a good hand!” Kyle commented.
Author: *bows* I know, I know, I’m great, thank you!
“Heheheheh. HAHAHAHAHAH!” Second bellowed.
“Um… you okay bro?” Author was a little hesitant to say anything after his little outburst.
Author:…bro? I don’t say bro, bro.
“Yep. I just won six hundred bits biatch!” Second flipped his hand over to show he had a four and five.That made a low straight.
“I’ll be taking all this, tha-
Author: GOD MOTHER FU**ING DAMNIT! WHAT THE FU**!
*flips over the computer, breaking it.*
GRAH! WHAT A DOUCHEBAG AUTHOR! IF I GET MY HANDS ON HIM I’LL KILL ‘EM!
*flips over table, turning off the monitor. The last thing that can be heard is a muffled sob*