Twilight Sparkle becomes an Alicorn while sleeping and is actually not surprised for once
MPPT3K Guest Submission by Super_Big_Mac
Welcome one, and welcome all! Hey there, everypony! I've read every chapter of RatherHomely's wonderful Mystery Pinkie Pie Theater 3000 (MPPT3K), and I absotively LOVE it! And, I'm hankerin' for some Chimicherries! Or maybe some Cherrichangas. Yeah. That sounds better.
... Oh. Oh! Anyways, after reading that awemazing story, I've decided to try my hoof at the whole MPPT3K thing, and Imma do it to my story. Yeee. Not so very... original, per se, but... well, I honestly have no fucking clue what was going on in my head when I wrote it in the first place. No, really. I really mean that. I mean, the ENDING is a HUGE wtf, and I wrote the damn thing!
... Well, RatherHomely, I hope you're reading this, because this is to audition to be one of the next members in your MPPT3K fic! I wanna help!
... Oh. Oh! Anyways, after reading that awemazing story, I've decided to try my hoof at the whole MPPT3K thing, and Imma do it to my story. Yeee. Not so very... original, per se, but... well, I honestly have no fucking clue what was going on in my head when I wrote it in the first place. No, really. I really mean that. I mean, the ENDING is a HUGE wtf, and I wrote the damn thing!
... Well, RatherHomely, I hope you're reading this, because this is to audition to be one of the next members in your MPPT3K fic! I wanna help!
Author: So, I heard about the thing at the place, and apparently, Photo Finish had Flutershy-
Slam!
Author: Oh, come on! We just DID Twi-Dye Sparkle! Can't we just go home?!
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Hmm, nah. This one's just perfect for a right-off-the-bat after Twi-Dye! *giggle* Don't worry, it's just-
Twilight: Let me guess. Another fic about me.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): H-h-ha, hahahaha! You-you're right! You get a prize!
Rarity: A ticket out of this mess, I hope.
Twilight: No, this is Pinkie Pie. Her prizes aren't 'get-out-of-one-prank-free' cards. I'd expect something more along the lines of a 'Twixie' Shipfic.
Pinkie Pie (from other side of door): Oh, if that's what you think. *Shhhf, shhf, shf* I guess you don't get a free pass!
Twilight: Oh, Celestia... Me and my big mouth.
Author: Yeah, I think it's big enough to put two hooves in! (Twilight smacks him)
Twilight: Just start the darn thing. I want to get this over with so I can get something to eat.
All: We get story sign!
Slam!
Author: Oh, come on! We just DID Twi-Dye Sparkle! Can't we just go home?!
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Hmm, nah. This one's just perfect for a right-off-the-bat after Twi-Dye! *giggle* Don't worry, it's just-
Twilight: Let me guess. Another fic about me.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): H-h-ha, hahahaha! You-you're right! You get a prize!
Rarity: A ticket out of this mess, I hope.
Twilight: No, this is Pinkie Pie. Her prizes aren't 'get-out-of-one-prank-free' cards. I'd expect something more along the lines of a 'Twixie' Shipfic.
Pinkie Pie (from other side of door): Oh, if that's what you think. *Shhhf, shhf, shf* I guess you don't get a free pass!
Twilight: Oh, Celestia... Me and my big mouth.
Author: Yeah, I think it's big enough to put two hooves in! (Twilight smacks him)
Twilight: Just start the darn thing. I want to get this over with so I can get something to eat.
All: We get story sign!
Twilight Sparkle becomes an Alicorn while sleeping and is actually not surprised for once
Rarity: Wow, I hope the story isn't as long as the title, or we'll be here all night!
Author: I wonder if the fic will be as spotless as the title. (both look at him with confusion) What? There's no period. It's... a spot...
Chapter One: The morning where the Story begins.
Twilight: Oh, lovely. What's chapter two? 'The afternoon where everypony gets a lunch break?
Rarity: No, dearie, I believe that it's 'The evening where the story ends, because it only lasted the entire day, what with the title and chapter name'.
Twilight: Oh, Celestia, strike me down before I read any more!
Written by: Super Big Mac
Author: Oh, Look! Up in the sky! It's a Whopper! It's a pegasus! No, It's Super-
Twilight: We get it!
Rarity: Ugh, how egotistical can you get?
BRRRIIIINNNG! BRRRIIIINNNG! BRRRIIIINNNG! BRRRIIII-chrk!
Rarity: And that is why I only ever use a Sweetie Belle.
With a loud crunch, Twilight's alarm clock found itself smashed into its atomized components beneath a heavy hoof of solid violet magic.
Twilight: Oh, damn. Looks like I'll have ringing in my ears all day. I hate atomic clocks.
Twilight rolled out of bed, her mane once again covering her eyes. I love waking up to see the beautiful morning-mane that is only penetrable by Celestia's unyielding sun!
Twilight: I really need a haircut.
Rarity: Oh, but darling, you'd look so much better if you put it up like mine!
She groaned, stretching out her back muscles, her wings flaring out,
Author: Fire!!!
joints popping after being mistreated throughout the night. They flapped back down to her sides, and-
Author: A cliffhanger in the middle of a fic?! Impossible!
Twilight ran through her mental morning checklist. 'Wake up. Check. Turn off alarm clock.' The clock in question was no where to be found, only the small hour-hand remaing. '... Check. Curse the sun for being so bright. Check. Curse the night sky for being so beautiful. Hmm... Damn you, you stupid, pretty, shiny stars! Why d'you always keep me up so late?! Check. Stretch. Check. Wake Spike. Spike wasn't in his bed. Check.'
She ran through the list a few more times, finally realising what was bothering her.
Twilight: Oh, no! I knew I'd regret sleeping with Rainbow Dash! She left with my coin purse!
She gasped. "Oh, sweet Celestia! The milk gets delivered this morning!" She flew down the stairs to grab the milk, lest Ditzy accidentally break the bottles... again.
*~*~*
Rarity: Ooh, very fancy. I just love a good border.
The milk safely in the fridge, and her stomach now full from the delicious pancakes her wide-eyed assistant made for her, she suddenly felt the urge to scratch her back.
"Gah! Stupid wings! No wonder Dash is always lifting them in the air!
Author: You get wingy around Spike? (confused looks) ... Well, you're already a unicorn, so I can't say hor- (Twilight smacks him)
You can NOT put them down for more than a minute before-" She cut herself off, turning her head slowly towards the wings whose existance she had just been cursing.
Rarity: Now, really, take off the Super Stallion nightie you're wearing Twilight. Everypony knows that he's just your average reporter at Daily Equestria.
"... I- I- Wings..." This was unprecedented.
Author (searching with Google): Actually... there's many story about this exact same thing happening. Hey! Here's a Twi-Dash Clopfic where Twilight grows wings!
Twilight: NO. *punches hoof through computer monitor*
Nopony had ever transcended their ponyhood by growing an appendage where there had not been one before.
Author: Ahem... Uh... no comment.
Rarity and Twilight: GOOD.
She was an Alicorn.
Author: Nope! Buck Testa!
She was now one of three, instead of one in a million.
Rarity: Wow, Twilight! You'll have a much better chance at winning the Lottery now!
"Th-that's... so.... AWESOME!" She let out a whoop and flew out of the kitchen's back door, into the morning sky.
Twilight: So. I suddenly grow wings. And I'm already a proficient enough flier to not crash into the first wall in my way? When did I watch those wing training videos?
'Now I can get revenge on Rainbow Dash for that prank she pulled last month.' She grinned wickedly to herself.
Author: Oh, Celestia. I hope this doesn't turn into another 'Parchments'.
*~*~*
Twilight hovered silently over Rainbow as she slept peacefully on her cloud.
The newly winged Unicorn had painted herself black with a magic spell, to make herself look like Nightmare Moon.
Twilight: Sadly, her cutiemark gave up the ghost, making her easily recognizable. The End.
Her memory had been the basis of the spell, but, she was a spotlessly perfect replica.
She landed on the cloud next to Rainbow Dash, wrapping a forehoof around her.
She glanced around to make sure that they were well and truly alone. Nopony in sight, Dragon Mountain blocking the view of Ponyville.
She snuggled up close to the cyan pegasus, getting comfortable. This wasn't needed for her to perform the spell, but it would give Rainbow an even worse scare. Heh heh heh.
Rarity: Rainbow is pretty brutish, but being scared of cuddling?
Twilight tapped into the dream-state that Rainbow Dash was floating in, finding her friend's consciousness.
Twilight: It took her a while; Dash's consciousness was pretty small.
She nudged it, pulling it into a new dream from the one she had just been in.
------
Rainbow Dash was feeling awesome. She was on top of the world - no, too small. She was on top of the UNIVERSE. She had pulled a triple Corkscrew Rainboom right in front of the Wonderbolts, and she had been given a place on the team and everything was completely perfect.
"Dash! Go get outta your uniform! Put it in your locker, and meet me in the shower, hmm?" She looked at Spitfire, and thought, 'no. Now it's perfect.'
She trotted to the locker in question, opened it up, and was sucked in.
Twilight: This is the best place to stop the story, don't you think? We all know what's gonna happen.
Rarity: I agree. It'll end with Twilight suddenly going crazy, killing the princesses, and becoming a Tyrant. Either that, or she'll explode in a brilliantly over-loaded spell. This story is much too cliche for my tastes.
Pinkie Pie(from behind Rarity): Yeah, but we're stuck in here 'till the story's finished! *munches on a hoofful of popcorn.* So, get with the reading!
She opened her eyes.
She was lying in a bed, a soft, winged body beside her. 'dammit, stupid brain! You always skip the good parts...'
She rolled over to look at Spitfire, and...
It wasn't Spitfire. Nor was it Applejack. Or Twilight. Or, ugh, Rarity. It was, in fact, worse than Rarity.
Rarity: W-well, I never!
Twilight: ... Slept with somepony before? (Author gives her a high five-er, hoof-er, a hoof-five)
The mare next to her opened her gleaming, teal, draconic eyes. 'It's Nightmare Moon.'
Dash tried to jump out of the bed. "N-n-n-ightm-m-mare M-m-moon!!!"
The eyes became half-lidded as she purred in a sultry voice, "yes, my sweet little Rainbow?" She gave Dash the most sensual nuzzle she had ever received. Booing! Her wings gave away how awesome that had been.
"Aww, Dashie~~<3" The nuzzling continued, Nightmare Moon rubbing her cheek against Dash's chest while her hooves rubbed at the best points along her wings. Rainbow felt herself melting. She was enjoying this, Oh Celestia why did she like this?
"You like it because you know that, out of all your friends, I picked you and Twilight as my personal slaves, because you're the very best."
'Twilight..?' Dash looked up, her eyes going wide as she saw one of her other fantasies breaking into the dream. Twilight, in an exotic dancer's costume. Her eyes were so crossed, She could have taken five people on at once in a staring contest.
Twilight: Nope, I still can't beat Ditzy!
She seemed to have been to Euphoria, and was still lost, trying to get back.
Author: That's why I always have a GPS.
"Now, I chose her because she's the best lover. I chose you because you make the best CUPCAKES!" Nightmare Moon suddenly tried to bite into Dash's foreleg. She pulled it back and screamed.
Author: ... Wow, interesting reference.
Rarity: Were we just... um, 'goblined'?
Author: It's... it's trolled, Rarity, trolled... and, yes, I believe we were.
------
"Hory Shit!!!" Dash panted, looking around wildly. "Oh... Okay... Just a dreaaahhh!!!" There she was again.
"Was it good for you, too?"
*~*~*
"Twilight! What the bucking hay?!" Dash seemed to be extremely upset. Or embarrassed. Twilight couldn't tell which.
"That was payback for what you did to me."
Twilight: What did Rainbow do to me? I don't remember reading about it...
Rarity: This is obviously for making you read Parchments, or Sweet Apple Massacre. You know, the usual.
Twilight: Oh yeah.
"Really? Wow... You are one evil mare, you know." Dash flopped back onto the cloud. "... Did you really put yourself into the dream like that to trick me?" Her cyan face was a shade of red.
Author: She put herself in the dream? She must go deeper...
Twilight giggled, a blush coming to her face, too. "Actually... I put it up to your brain what happened inside the dream. I just told it Nightmare Moon, Dash, and fear. Anything past that, was all you. Whatever dream you were in prior obviously had added a small altercation to my incantation."
Author: Altercation to my Incantation. Heh. Try saying that five times fast.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Thatthatthatthatthat!
Author: ... Ugh...
Rainbow Dash nodded, as if that made sense. It did, sort of. Twilight wasn't really, truly sure.
Twilight: Wait, I thought this line was from Dash's point of view. Why's my name in there, too?
Her pegasus friend's ears perked up. "Say... Wanna prank the flank off somepony?" Dash's muzzle grew a wicked grin.
Rarity: It would have grown a merry grin, but the seeds got mixed up when she was looking for her fertilizer.
Author: Ha! That's so true, this is pretty crappy!
Twilight returned the evil smile.
Twilight: But wasn't able to get a refund.
"Well, actually..."
*~*~*
Luna opened the door to her bedroom, to find a wrapped present inside. "Oh! Wherefore is there one gift such as this residing in my chambers? Where hast thou cometh from, ye encased enigma?" The present remained silent.
Author: Schrodinger's Cat, am I right?
"... Very well, I shall play your little game." Luna grabbed an end of the bow tied around the box in her teeth, and pulled.
"BWA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" A midnight black mare in indigo armor burst forth from the box, leaping atop of the princess of the night.
"N- no! Y-you're not real! Y-you can't be! The nightmare was destroyed! D-d-d-destroyed!"
"Surprised to see me alive, hmm?" Twilight purred the same chuckle that Nightmare Moon had when they had met. "I wish to.... reconnect with you... If you get my meaning." Twilight waggled her eyebrows provocatively, and Luna did the one thing that had always saved her when she found herself in danger.
She leaned her head back, her magic starting to cast a spell that was never far away.
In her Royal Canterlot Voice, she screamed: "I NEED AN ADULT!!!"
All: AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Our ears!!!
Author: ... Isn't she, like, thousands of years old? Who's considered an adult when compared to a pony who's immortal?
Twilight: The biggest nag.
Author: Oh, so, Rarity? (Rarity smacks him while Twilight laughs.)
*~*~*
The door slammed shut on a laughing Purple Alicorn and her blue feathered friend. "That was truly awesome, Twi! Gimmie some hoof!" They slammed their hooves together. "Wing it!" They slapped their wings together. "Flip out!" The two dove sideways away from each other, swooping towards each other again to slam their hooves together again. "Awww, yeah!"
Twilight and Rainbow Dash fell onto their backs again, their guffaws trickling off, becoming chuckles, then giggles, and finally stopping as they sighed in contentment.
Author: Yeah, they had some good fun. You can tell. They were just laughing for a whole sentence.
"So... Twilight, how are we gonna get outta the dungeons, anyways?"
"Eh, Celestia'll come down at some point or another. I'm surprised we weren't sent to the moon or something, though, with this get up. And, by the way, you looked so cute in that guard armor! Tee hee!"
Dash blushed hotly. "Shaddup! I wasn't 'cute'! I 'looked good', sure, but not cute!"
The door slammed open again, a white Alicorn striving to keep her normally calm composure as she stared at the two sitting before her. "Rainbow Dash, I might have expected something of this sort from you, but... Twilight Sparkle! How could you? My sister is in hysterics! She cannot raise the moon in this condition!"
Celestia stopped, holding her breath as she counted to ten. "Twilight, release whatever spell you have used to give yourself wings, and get in the sky chariot. It will take you two back home to Ponyville. For Gaea's sake, you two... Come, my little ponies. I will escort yourself to the courtyard myself."
"Umm, I'm sorry, Princess... But I didn't cast a spell on myself to get like this. I... I'm not sure how it happened. I didn't even realize anything was different until after I had had my breakfast." Twilight smiled sheepishly as Celestia sputtered.
"You... you're... Oh, fuck me!"
Twilight gasped, she had never heard such vulgarity from the princess. Rainbow Dash and Applejack? There were a couple sailor ponies who could learn a few from them, but... the Princess?!
"What is it?"
"Now I remember why I had had your family under such scrutiny. I forgot that I had... procreated within it. I'm sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but the truth is... I guess we're related. Eh heh... Sorry for not telling you sooner?"
Twilight: And I thought you loved me!
Twilight almost fainted at this, but... "It... makes sense. Is that why I'm so powerful, even though my parents weren't so? I know that we were Second Tier Royalty, but..." Twilight shook her head. "So... what caused me to... change, then? And why not somepony else in my family?"
Author: because if it were your mother that this happened to, everypony'd stop giving a damn about you.
"It most likely has to do with the Element of Harmony that you are the avatar of, Twilight. It amplifies the wielder's magical ability by almost twenty-fold,
Author: Only twenty? I was expecting a hundred-fold, personally. But, 20/20 is a sight better than 10/15. (Twilight facehoofs)
and you already had so much power at your disposal that you were within the same tier as me and Luna. That surge must have caused your body to mutate to emulate the power it contains."
Author: Mutate to Emulate. Mew-tate EM-you-late. Man, this guy really loves those little rhyming things, huh?
Twilight thought about that. "Okay."
Twilight: "Huh. Okay. Makes sense." 'Oh, sweet ponyfeathers! What the hay, what the hay?!'
"This is truly an unprecedented event
Author: No, it's not! Stop saying that! I pulled up a list of other stories not ten minutes ago! One of the ones I opened even had RainbowTwi! That's (Twilight teleports the computer's hard drive away) Gah! No!!! I couldn't remember the name of the fic!
Twilight: Good.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Wow, Author! You're missing out! This fic's really... enticing... *Pinkie goes silent for a few moments* Hey, Twilight... Can you really make a magical pe-
Twilight: Okay, BACK TO THE STORY!,
my faithful student. As an Alicorn, it is within your abilities to control a celestial body. But the Sun and Moon are already under mine and Luna's control. The only body with any import would be the earth we reside on... You could transform the very essence of this planet, if it is your calling. If that is the case... then we might have found a way to create complete harmony between all aspects of nature."
Twilight nods with a determined look on her face. "I'll try, princess."
Twilight: Wow. If I was told that, I'd be nervous as all hell.
*~*~*
A few days later, Twilight had made a connection with the Earth's being. She caused a little movement there, a tremor here. The sun was rising, and the moon was setting. They were trying to change the seasons with only the three of them. The planet spun on its axis, tilting to the side from the exactly polar north/south it had sustained for eons.
The balance shattered.
Author: Whoops, I tripped!
Rarity: Ugh, and that balance was new! I had just bought it yesterday!
The planet began to move from its fixed position in the galaxy, the Sun pulling it closer. The three Alicorns struggled to keep their bodies in control, but to no avail.
Author: Heh. Sound's like it's Mating Season in Equestria. (Both Twilight and Rarity smack him)
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Ha! I read that one! I still have no idea why anypony'd pair Rainbow up with a Diamond Dog. But the Twimac was pretty good. (Twilight blushes heavily)
Chaos and Discord - Father and Son - descended upon the planet as it fractured along a long fault line.
Author: along a long along along a long a long. Damn, that's gonna drive me crazy. This guy loves these things. It's official.
Everything but the smallest organisms died in the chaotic rupturing of the galaxy. The Sun and planet traded places. Two of the four fragments of the planet floated closer to the Sun. The moon caused the fourth piece to careen away, the fourth and final piece staying in its new orbit, no longer the center of it's galaxy.
Twilight: Wait... the fourth careened away, leaving the fourth in place? What?
Rarity: Well, I wonder what happened to the Third rock? (Author laughs)
Eons passed, and the water and iron-rich piece of the planet once again became round, and turned red. The water froze, and disappeared into space. The one that had retained its Moon became fertile with life once again, the organisms growing into fish, then lizards and mammals, and finally, Homo Sapiens.\
There's your third rock, Rarity. It's the Third from the sun. It's called Earth.
Rarity: Pff, still a dumb name for a planet, in my opinion.
Many thousands of generations passed, and they destroyed their world along the lines that she had tried to sew
Rarity: But she soon realized how terrible she was, since she couldn't even manage a machine-stitch.
herself up with, and Twilight, the one known as Mother Nature, wept for the loss of this planet of wonder that she had destroyed, preserved, and recreated. It was destroyed once more, and Twilight was no more.
Author: That's... Okay, I got nothing. But, you are apparently a planet.
Rarity: Yes, a smart rock, it would seem.
Luna looked down upon her eternal friend of greenery, and felt the sadness consume her. she wished to cradle her friend's body and weep. The moon sensed her wishes and began it's journey towards the broken pieces of the planet the creatures upon it had called Earth.
Author: Ah, now there's something!
Rarity and Twilight: What is it?
Author: I finally understand why the moon was going towards the Planet in Ocarina of Time! It makes so much sense!
Celestia, trapped within the giant of gas that had been her responsibility to maintain every day, every month, year, and decade for the past eternity, flared with anger. Her anger consumed the two fragments of her beloved, fractured friend that had been closest to her since their mistake. 'Oh, what fools we have been. We hath destroyed in the name of birth, and gave birth to nothing but destruction. I wish to cease this.'
Author: We destroyed while trying to create, and created nothing more than destruction. So, I'm gonna fix it. By destroying it more. Perfect sense.
The Alicorn used all her power to blow apart her own shell, that had housed her soul since that faithful morning, eons ago. 'We have been fools, but we are, of course, only equine.' As the Sun collapsed, she thought no more. The galaxy swirled and fell within itself, falling into the black hole that had once been the center.
Author: A galaxy, falling into itself. I was going to make a witty remark about Inception, but... I can not, for the life of me, remember what it was about.
The galaxy disappeared, the black hole widening. The death of the Universe was at hand. The Universe collapsed. The Universe exploded. The matter that had been pulled together once again was hurled all across a large expanse of dark, airless space.
The matter congealed into bodies of massive size, and on a few, life began. The smallest components of oxygen and carbon and a few other materials came together and began building upon itself. The components multiplied and divided. Soon - in the universal sense - a being was formed.
Twilight: Hey, Rarity... How long is a Universal year?
Rarity: Oh, well that depends. Are you using the universal time constraint theory, or the Time-and-Space Quantum Cellular Replication theory?
Twilight: I don't remember the conversion factors to get to either of them.
Author: Then you'll only get 42.
This being contained nothing but spite at the very fact that it had been created,
Author: The Universe's first Emo.
and began to shape the planet as It saw fit. It decided that it would choose a name to cause fear in the hearts of the creatures it would create: Chaos.
The creatures were not smart enough to fear, it soon realized. They were too busy trying to learn how to swim with only one appendage. It caused them to grow fins on their sides.
They soon learned fear.
The animals Chaos created to prey upon these weaklings were good at that - too good. It was bored. It gave them magic.
With magic came intelligence, even if they could not channel the powers within themselves. That intelligence gave them a fighting chance, but at times, this chance was slim. The creatures migrated. Some found that their flippers were growing out. They began to jump out of the water, flapping them to get high into the air.
Chaos was angry. How were these getting these new abilities?
Twilight: Magic?
He found the answer.
Gaea was playing against It. She had decided that She would be a female; the mother of these creatures. It would be the father. It had a new title. It became He.
Author: Gaea and Chaos. The evil mother of the Titans is apparently good. Heh. Chaos seems to be too... constructive, though.
Twilight: Oh, yes. His son Discord was much, much worse, I'm sure. He lived in the moment, and that can be a wonderfully dangerous place for a pony to live.
He and She fought as they loved. They created miracles and destruction. They were growing weak. They had been alive since time first began, and their powers were taking directly from their bodies.
The creatures had moved to land, and had new dangers to face. The ones with control over their powers grew horns, the ones with long flippers developed wings. The others followed along behind the rest, unable to cast magic or take to the sky. They built the tools necessary to help them along.
Author: Science! We are all now aware that, at one point, there WAS a Seapony Lyra.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Shoo Bee Doo, Shoo Shoo Bee Doo...
Lyra (from TV): Ye~es?
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Got any more popcorn?
Twilight (groaning): Pinkie, shut it! I'm starving, and I think we're almost done!
Resentment and tension grew between the three different groups.
The pegasai, the Earthwalkers, and the Unicorns were at each other's throats as much as they were at each other's backs when danger presented itself.
Author: And that's Hearth's Warming Eve for ya, folks!
He disrupted the precarious balance they had created. She gave the groups the chance to restore balance.
He strove to destroy that balance with his son, which he created the same way he had created his Manticores, Chimeras, and Griffons. He used a little of everything.
She created two that portrayed the best parts of the three species of ponies: They were as smart as any Earthwalker, used magic as proficiently as any Unicorn, and could fly as fast and as far as any Pegasus.
She gave birth to Alicorns, just as Her opposite created Discord.
They fought. Her creations won. Peace came over the land as the three clans were brought together under one banner, two rulers.
Author: And that's how Equestria was made!
Pinkie Pie (popping out of a file cabinet): Hey! I said that!
She gave them the job to raise and lower the Sun and Moon, He was dormant, and the night not as fierce. She felt the need to rest. She fell into her slumber, shifting slightly so as to disturb the peace as little as possible.
Twilight: The peace was a light sleeper.
She was woken by a new daughter, one she had not foreseen. Her opposite woke, along with His son. The world shattered as their restored powers came full bear upon her. She gathered the new child as she placed her two earlier within their protective homes. She knew that Her time was done, but so was His. They went off together, only Discord still around to do as he pleased.
All: ...
Author: That... I don't... what?
Twilight: I... I think that the world exploded. Twice.
Rarity: Well! That's over with! Time for some air, hmm, Pinkie Pie?
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Aww, but you didn't joke about the ending like you normally do! Author, are you doing okay? You've been a little... different today!
Author: Oh, um, well... I dunno. Just kind of hungry, honestly. Anybody got some Jokey Mcsmokies?
All: Ugh...
Twilight: Actually, I get why Pinkie said this one would be good for right after Twi Dye Sparkle. The ending was pretty trippy.
Author: Well, I'd like something to munch on, and I'm sure you'd like to get some food too. So, Dash? Could you, you know, push the button?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, yeah, I got the damn button... *hits the button, TV turns off, door swings open*
Author: Hey, Twilight... can't you just teleport out of here?
Twilight: Oh, Mother-
END
INSPIRED BY RATHERHOMELY
READ HIS FICS THEY ARE BEST FOR LAUGHS. (RatherHomely here. You're probably wondering if it was necessary to keep this last line that sung praises to my name. The answer is; Yes. Yes it was. Why, you ask? Oh, um, it... adds to the, um... value. Yes.)
Rarity: Wow, I hope the story isn't as long as the title, or we'll be here all night!
Author: I wonder if the fic will be as spotless as the title. (both look at him with confusion) What? There's no period. It's... a spot...
Chapter One: The morning where the Story begins.
Twilight: Oh, lovely. What's chapter two? 'The afternoon where everypony gets a lunch break?
Rarity: No, dearie, I believe that it's 'The evening where the story ends, because it only lasted the entire day, what with the title and chapter name'.
Twilight: Oh, Celestia, strike me down before I read any more!
Written by: Super Big Mac
Author: Oh, Look! Up in the sky! It's a Whopper! It's a pegasus! No, It's Super-
Twilight: We get it!
Rarity: Ugh, how egotistical can you get?
BRRRIIIINNNG! BRRRIIIINNNG! BRRRIIIINNNG! BRRRIIII-chrk!
Rarity: And that is why I only ever use a Sweetie Belle.
With a loud crunch, Twilight's alarm clock found itself smashed into its atomized components beneath a heavy hoof of solid violet magic.
Twilight: Oh, damn. Looks like I'll have ringing in my ears all day. I hate atomic clocks.
Twilight rolled out of bed, her mane once again covering her eyes. I love waking up to see the beautiful morning-mane that is only penetrable by Celestia's unyielding sun!
Twilight: I really need a haircut.
Rarity: Oh, but darling, you'd look so much better if you put it up like mine!
She groaned, stretching out her back muscles, her wings flaring out,
Author: Fire!!!
joints popping after being mistreated throughout the night. They flapped back down to her sides, and-
Author: A cliffhanger in the middle of a fic?! Impossible!
Twilight ran through her mental morning checklist. 'Wake up. Check. Turn off alarm clock.' The clock in question was no where to be found, only the small hour-hand remaing. '... Check. Curse the sun for being so bright. Check. Curse the night sky for being so beautiful. Hmm... Damn you, you stupid, pretty, shiny stars! Why d'you always keep me up so late?! Check. Stretch. Check. Wake Spike. Spike wasn't in his bed. Check.'
She ran through the list a few more times, finally realising what was bothering her.
Twilight: Oh, no! I knew I'd regret sleeping with Rainbow Dash! She left with my coin purse!
She gasped. "Oh, sweet Celestia! The milk gets delivered this morning!" She flew down the stairs to grab the milk, lest Ditzy accidentally break the bottles... again.
*~*~*
Rarity: Ooh, very fancy. I just love a good border.
The milk safely in the fridge, and her stomach now full from the delicious pancakes her wide-eyed assistant made for her, she suddenly felt the urge to scratch her back.
"Gah! Stupid wings! No wonder Dash is always lifting them in the air!
Author: You get wingy around Spike? (confused looks) ... Well, you're already a unicorn, so I can't say hor- (Twilight smacks him)
You can NOT put them down for more than a minute before-" She cut herself off, turning her head slowly towards the wings whose existance she had just been cursing.
Rarity: Now, really, take off the Super Stallion nightie you're wearing Twilight. Everypony knows that he's just your average reporter at Daily Equestria.
"... I- I- Wings..." This was unprecedented.
Author (searching with Google): Actually... there's many story about this exact same thing happening. Hey! Here's a Twi-Dash Clopfic where Twilight grows wings!
Twilight: NO. *punches hoof through computer monitor*
Nopony had ever transcended their ponyhood by growing an appendage where there had not been one before.
Author: Ahem... Uh... no comment.
Rarity and Twilight: GOOD.
She was an Alicorn.
Author: Nope! Buck Testa!
She was now one of three, instead of one in a million.
Rarity: Wow, Twilight! You'll have a much better chance at winning the Lottery now!
"Th-that's... so.... AWESOME!" She let out a whoop and flew out of the kitchen's back door, into the morning sky.
Twilight: So. I suddenly grow wings. And I'm already a proficient enough flier to not crash into the first wall in my way? When did I watch those wing training videos?
'Now I can get revenge on Rainbow Dash for that prank she pulled last month.' She grinned wickedly to herself.
Author: Oh, Celestia. I hope this doesn't turn into another 'Parchments'.
*~*~*
Twilight hovered silently over Rainbow as she slept peacefully on her cloud.
The newly winged Unicorn had painted herself black with a magic spell, to make herself look like Nightmare Moon.
Twilight: Sadly, her cutiemark gave up the ghost, making her easily recognizable. The End.
Her memory had been the basis of the spell, but, she was a spotlessly perfect replica.
She landed on the cloud next to Rainbow Dash, wrapping a forehoof around her.
She glanced around to make sure that they were well and truly alone. Nopony in sight, Dragon Mountain blocking the view of Ponyville.
She snuggled up close to the cyan pegasus, getting comfortable. This wasn't needed for her to perform the spell, but it would give Rainbow an even worse scare. Heh heh heh.
Rarity: Rainbow is pretty brutish, but being scared of cuddling?
Twilight tapped into the dream-state that Rainbow Dash was floating in, finding her friend's consciousness.
Twilight: It took her a while; Dash's consciousness was pretty small.
She nudged it, pulling it into a new dream from the one she had just been in.
------
Rainbow Dash was feeling awesome. She was on top of the world - no, too small. She was on top of the UNIVERSE. She had pulled a triple Corkscrew Rainboom right in front of the Wonderbolts, and she had been given a place on the team and everything was completely perfect.
"Dash! Go get outta your uniform! Put it in your locker, and meet me in the shower, hmm?" She looked at Spitfire, and thought, 'no. Now it's perfect.'
She trotted to the locker in question, opened it up, and was sucked in.
Twilight: This is the best place to stop the story, don't you think? We all know what's gonna happen.
Rarity: I agree. It'll end with Twilight suddenly going crazy, killing the princesses, and becoming a Tyrant. Either that, or she'll explode in a brilliantly over-loaded spell. This story is much too cliche for my tastes.
Pinkie Pie(from behind Rarity): Yeah, but we're stuck in here 'till the story's finished! *munches on a hoofful of popcorn.* So, get with the reading!
She opened her eyes.
She was lying in a bed, a soft, winged body beside her. 'dammit, stupid brain! You always skip the good parts...'
She rolled over to look at Spitfire, and...
It wasn't Spitfire. Nor was it Applejack. Or Twilight. Or, ugh, Rarity. It was, in fact, worse than Rarity.
Rarity: W-well, I never!
Twilight: ... Slept with somepony before? (Author gives her a high five-er, hoof-er, a hoof-five)
The mare next to her opened her gleaming, teal, draconic eyes. 'It's Nightmare Moon.'
Dash tried to jump out of the bed. "N-n-n-ightm-m-mare M-m-moon!!!"
The eyes became half-lidded as she purred in a sultry voice, "yes, my sweet little Rainbow?" She gave Dash the most sensual nuzzle she had ever received. Booing! Her wings gave away how awesome that had been.
"Aww, Dashie~~<3" The nuzzling continued, Nightmare Moon rubbing her cheek against Dash's chest while her hooves rubbed at the best points along her wings. Rainbow felt herself melting. She was enjoying this, Oh Celestia why did she like this?
"You like it because you know that, out of all your friends, I picked you and Twilight as my personal slaves, because you're the very best."
'Twilight..?' Dash looked up, her eyes going wide as she saw one of her other fantasies breaking into the dream. Twilight, in an exotic dancer's costume. Her eyes were so crossed, She could have taken five people on at once in a staring contest.
Twilight: Nope, I still can't beat Ditzy!
She seemed to have been to Euphoria, and was still lost, trying to get back.
Author: That's why I always have a GPS.
"Now, I chose her because she's the best lover. I chose you because you make the best CUPCAKES!" Nightmare Moon suddenly tried to bite into Dash's foreleg. She pulled it back and screamed.
Author: ... Wow, interesting reference.
Rarity: Were we just... um, 'goblined'?
Author: It's... it's trolled, Rarity, trolled... and, yes, I believe we were.
------
"Hory Shit!!!" Dash panted, looking around wildly. "Oh... Okay... Just a dreaaahhh!!!" There she was again.
"Was it good for you, too?"
*~*~*
"Twilight! What the bucking hay?!" Dash seemed to be extremely upset. Or embarrassed. Twilight couldn't tell which.
"That was payback for what you did to me."
Twilight: What did Rainbow do to me? I don't remember reading about it...
Rarity: This is obviously for making you read Parchments, or Sweet Apple Massacre. You know, the usual.
Twilight: Oh yeah.
"Really? Wow... You are one evil mare, you know." Dash flopped back onto the cloud. "... Did you really put yourself into the dream like that to trick me?" Her cyan face was a shade of red.
Author: She put herself in the dream? She must go deeper...
Twilight giggled, a blush coming to her face, too. "Actually... I put it up to your brain what happened inside the dream. I just told it Nightmare Moon, Dash, and fear. Anything past that, was all you. Whatever dream you were in prior obviously had added a small altercation to my incantation."
Author: Altercation to my Incantation. Heh. Try saying that five times fast.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Thatthatthatthatthat!
Author: ... Ugh...
Rainbow Dash nodded, as if that made sense. It did, sort of. Twilight wasn't really, truly sure.
Twilight: Wait, I thought this line was from Dash's point of view. Why's my name in there, too?
Her pegasus friend's ears perked up. "Say... Wanna prank the flank off somepony?" Dash's muzzle grew a wicked grin.
Rarity: It would have grown a merry grin, but the seeds got mixed up when she was looking for her fertilizer.
Author: Ha! That's so true, this is pretty crappy!
Twilight returned the evil smile.
Twilight: But wasn't able to get a refund.
"Well, actually..."
*~*~*
Luna opened the door to her bedroom, to find a wrapped present inside. "Oh! Wherefore is there one gift such as this residing in my chambers? Where hast thou cometh from, ye encased enigma?" The present remained silent.
Author: Schrodinger's Cat, am I right?
"... Very well, I shall play your little game." Luna grabbed an end of the bow tied around the box in her teeth, and pulled.
"BWA, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" A midnight black mare in indigo armor burst forth from the box, leaping atop of the princess of the night.
"N- no! Y-you're not real! Y-you can't be! The nightmare was destroyed! D-d-d-destroyed!"
"Surprised to see me alive, hmm?" Twilight purred the same chuckle that Nightmare Moon had when they had met. "I wish to.... reconnect with you... If you get my meaning." Twilight waggled her eyebrows provocatively, and Luna did the one thing that had always saved her when she found herself in danger.
She leaned her head back, her magic starting to cast a spell that was never far away.
In her Royal Canterlot Voice, she screamed: "I NEED AN ADULT!!!"
All: AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Our ears!!!
Author: ... Isn't she, like, thousands of years old? Who's considered an adult when compared to a pony who's immortal?
Twilight: The biggest nag.
Author: Oh, so, Rarity? (Rarity smacks him while Twilight laughs.)
*~*~*
The door slammed shut on a laughing Purple Alicorn and her blue feathered friend. "That was truly awesome, Twi! Gimmie some hoof!" They slammed their hooves together. "Wing it!" They slapped their wings together. "Flip out!" The two dove sideways away from each other, swooping towards each other again to slam their hooves together again. "Awww, yeah!"
Twilight and Rainbow Dash fell onto their backs again, their guffaws trickling off, becoming chuckles, then giggles, and finally stopping as they sighed in contentment.
Author: Yeah, they had some good fun. You can tell. They were just laughing for a whole sentence.
"So... Twilight, how are we gonna get outta the dungeons, anyways?"
"Eh, Celestia'll come down at some point or another. I'm surprised we weren't sent to the moon or something, though, with this get up. And, by the way, you looked so cute in that guard armor! Tee hee!"
Dash blushed hotly. "Shaddup! I wasn't 'cute'! I 'looked good', sure, but not cute!"
The door slammed open again, a white Alicorn striving to keep her normally calm composure as she stared at the two sitting before her. "Rainbow Dash, I might have expected something of this sort from you, but... Twilight Sparkle! How could you? My sister is in hysterics! She cannot raise the moon in this condition!"
Celestia stopped, holding her breath as she counted to ten. "Twilight, release whatever spell you have used to give yourself wings, and get in the sky chariot. It will take you two back home to Ponyville. For Gaea's sake, you two... Come, my little ponies. I will escort yourself to the courtyard myself."
"Umm, I'm sorry, Princess... But I didn't cast a spell on myself to get like this. I... I'm not sure how it happened. I didn't even realize anything was different until after I had had my breakfast." Twilight smiled sheepishly as Celestia sputtered.
"You... you're... Oh, fuck me!"
Twilight gasped, she had never heard such vulgarity from the princess. Rainbow Dash and Applejack? There were a couple sailor ponies who could learn a few from them, but... the Princess?!
"What is it?"
"Now I remember why I had had your family under such scrutiny. I forgot that I had... procreated within it. I'm sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but the truth is... I guess we're related. Eh heh... Sorry for not telling you sooner?"
Twilight: And I thought you loved me!
Twilight almost fainted at this, but... "It... makes sense. Is that why I'm so powerful, even though my parents weren't so? I know that we were Second Tier Royalty, but..." Twilight shook her head. "So... what caused me to... change, then? And why not somepony else in my family?"
Author: because if it were your mother that this happened to, everypony'd stop giving a damn about you.
"It most likely has to do with the Element of Harmony that you are the avatar of, Twilight. It amplifies the wielder's magical ability by almost twenty-fold,
Author: Only twenty? I was expecting a hundred-fold, personally. But, 20/20 is a sight better than 10/15. (Twilight facehoofs)
and you already had so much power at your disposal that you were within the same tier as me and Luna. That surge must have caused your body to mutate to emulate the power it contains."
Author: Mutate to Emulate. Mew-tate EM-you-late. Man, this guy really loves those little rhyming things, huh?
Twilight thought about that. "Okay."
Twilight: "Huh. Okay. Makes sense." 'Oh, sweet ponyfeathers! What the hay, what the hay?!'
"This is truly an unprecedented event
Author: No, it's not! Stop saying that! I pulled up a list of other stories not ten minutes ago! One of the ones I opened even had RainbowTwi! That's (Twilight teleports the computer's hard drive away) Gah! No!!! I couldn't remember the name of the fic!
Twilight: Good.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Wow, Author! You're missing out! This fic's really... enticing... *Pinkie goes silent for a few moments* Hey, Twilight... Can you really make a magical pe-
Twilight: Okay, BACK TO THE STORY!,
my faithful student. As an Alicorn, it is within your abilities to control a celestial body. But the Sun and Moon are already under mine and Luna's control. The only body with any import would be the earth we reside on... You could transform the very essence of this planet, if it is your calling. If that is the case... then we might have found a way to create complete harmony between all aspects of nature."
Twilight nods with a determined look on her face. "I'll try, princess."
Twilight: Wow. If I was told that, I'd be nervous as all hell.
*~*~*
A few days later, Twilight had made a connection with the Earth's being. She caused a little movement there, a tremor here. The sun was rising, and the moon was setting. They were trying to change the seasons with only the three of them. The planet spun on its axis, tilting to the side from the exactly polar north/south it had sustained for eons.
The balance shattered.
Author: Whoops, I tripped!
Rarity: Ugh, and that balance was new! I had just bought it yesterday!
The planet began to move from its fixed position in the galaxy, the Sun pulling it closer. The three Alicorns struggled to keep their bodies in control, but to no avail.
Author: Heh. Sound's like it's Mating Season in Equestria. (Both Twilight and Rarity smack him)
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Ha! I read that one! I still have no idea why anypony'd pair Rainbow up with a Diamond Dog. But the Twimac was pretty good. (Twilight blushes heavily)
Chaos and Discord - Father and Son - descended upon the planet as it fractured along a long fault line.
Author: along a long along along a long a long. Damn, that's gonna drive me crazy. This guy loves these things. It's official.
Everything but the smallest organisms died in the chaotic rupturing of the galaxy. The Sun and planet traded places. Two of the four fragments of the planet floated closer to the Sun. The moon caused the fourth piece to careen away, the fourth and final piece staying in its new orbit, no longer the center of it's galaxy.
Twilight: Wait... the fourth careened away, leaving the fourth in place? What?
Rarity: Well, I wonder what happened to the Third rock? (Author laughs)
Eons passed, and the water and iron-rich piece of the planet once again became round, and turned red. The water froze, and disappeared into space. The one that had retained its Moon became fertile with life once again, the organisms growing into fish, then lizards and mammals, and finally, Homo Sapiens.\
There's your third rock, Rarity. It's the Third from the sun. It's called Earth.
Rarity: Pff, still a dumb name for a planet, in my opinion.
Many thousands of generations passed, and they destroyed their world along the lines that she had tried to sew
Rarity: But she soon realized how terrible she was, since she couldn't even manage a machine-stitch.
herself up with, and Twilight, the one known as Mother Nature, wept for the loss of this planet of wonder that she had destroyed, preserved, and recreated. It was destroyed once more, and Twilight was no more.
Author: That's... Okay, I got nothing. But, you are apparently a planet.
Rarity: Yes, a smart rock, it would seem.
Luna looked down upon her eternal friend of greenery, and felt the sadness consume her. she wished to cradle her friend's body and weep. The moon sensed her wishes and began it's journey towards the broken pieces of the planet the creatures upon it had called Earth.
Author: Ah, now there's something!
Rarity and Twilight: What is it?
Author: I finally understand why the moon was going towards the Planet in Ocarina of Time! It makes so much sense!
Celestia, trapped within the giant of gas that had been her responsibility to maintain every day, every month, year, and decade for the past eternity, flared with anger. Her anger consumed the two fragments of her beloved, fractured friend that had been closest to her since their mistake. 'Oh, what fools we have been. We hath destroyed in the name of birth, and gave birth to nothing but destruction. I wish to cease this.'
Author: We destroyed while trying to create, and created nothing more than destruction. So, I'm gonna fix it. By destroying it more. Perfect sense.
The Alicorn used all her power to blow apart her own shell, that had housed her soul since that faithful morning, eons ago. 'We have been fools, but we are, of course, only equine.' As the Sun collapsed, she thought no more. The galaxy swirled and fell within itself, falling into the black hole that had once been the center.
Author: A galaxy, falling into itself. I was going to make a witty remark about Inception, but... I can not, for the life of me, remember what it was about.
The galaxy disappeared, the black hole widening. The death of the Universe was at hand. The Universe collapsed. The Universe exploded. The matter that had been pulled together once again was hurled all across a large expanse of dark, airless space.
The matter congealed into bodies of massive size, and on a few, life began. The smallest components of oxygen and carbon and a few other materials came together and began building upon itself. The components multiplied and divided. Soon - in the universal sense - a being was formed.
Twilight: Hey, Rarity... How long is a Universal year?
Rarity: Oh, well that depends. Are you using the universal time constraint theory, or the Time-and-Space Quantum Cellular Replication theory?
Twilight: I don't remember the conversion factors to get to either of them.
Author: Then you'll only get 42.
This being contained nothing but spite at the very fact that it had been created,
Author: The Universe's first Emo.
and began to shape the planet as It saw fit. It decided that it would choose a name to cause fear in the hearts of the creatures it would create: Chaos.
The creatures were not smart enough to fear, it soon realized. They were too busy trying to learn how to swim with only one appendage. It caused them to grow fins on their sides.
They soon learned fear.
The animals Chaos created to prey upon these weaklings were good at that - too good. It was bored. It gave them magic.
With magic came intelligence, even if they could not channel the powers within themselves. That intelligence gave them a fighting chance, but at times, this chance was slim. The creatures migrated. Some found that their flippers were growing out. They began to jump out of the water, flapping them to get high into the air.
Chaos was angry. How were these getting these new abilities?
Twilight: Magic?
He found the answer.
Gaea was playing against It. She had decided that She would be a female; the mother of these creatures. It would be the father. It had a new title. It became He.
Author: Gaea and Chaos. The evil mother of the Titans is apparently good. Heh. Chaos seems to be too... constructive, though.
Twilight: Oh, yes. His son Discord was much, much worse, I'm sure. He lived in the moment, and that can be a wonderfully dangerous place for a pony to live.
He and She fought as they loved. They created miracles and destruction. They were growing weak. They had been alive since time first began, and their powers were taking directly from their bodies.
The creatures had moved to land, and had new dangers to face. The ones with control over their powers grew horns, the ones with long flippers developed wings. The others followed along behind the rest, unable to cast magic or take to the sky. They built the tools necessary to help them along.
Author: Science! We are all now aware that, at one point, there WAS a Seapony Lyra.
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Shoo Bee Doo, Shoo Shoo Bee Doo...
Lyra (from TV): Ye~es?
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Got any more popcorn?
Twilight (groaning): Pinkie, shut it! I'm starving, and I think we're almost done!
Resentment and tension grew between the three different groups.
The pegasai, the Earthwalkers, and the Unicorns were at each other's throats as much as they were at each other's backs when danger presented itself.
Author: And that's Hearth's Warming Eve for ya, folks!
He disrupted the precarious balance they had created. She gave the groups the chance to restore balance.
He strove to destroy that balance with his son, which he created the same way he had created his Manticores, Chimeras, and Griffons. He used a little of everything.
She created two that portrayed the best parts of the three species of ponies: They were as smart as any Earthwalker, used magic as proficiently as any Unicorn, and could fly as fast and as far as any Pegasus.
She gave birth to Alicorns, just as Her opposite created Discord.
They fought. Her creations won. Peace came over the land as the three clans were brought together under one banner, two rulers.
Author: And that's how Equestria was made!
Pinkie Pie (popping out of a file cabinet): Hey! I said that!
She gave them the job to raise and lower the Sun and Moon, He was dormant, and the night not as fierce. She felt the need to rest. She fell into her slumber, shifting slightly so as to disturb the peace as little as possible.
Twilight: The peace was a light sleeper.
She was woken by a new daughter, one she had not foreseen. Her opposite woke, along with His son. The world shattered as their restored powers came full bear upon her. She gathered the new child as she placed her two earlier within their protective homes. She knew that Her time was done, but so was His. They went off together, only Discord still around to do as he pleased.
All: ...
Author: That... I don't... what?
Twilight: I... I think that the world exploded. Twice.
Rarity: Well! That's over with! Time for some air, hmm, Pinkie Pie?
Pinkie Pie (from TV): Aww, but you didn't joke about the ending like you normally do! Author, are you doing okay? You've been a little... different today!
Author: Oh, um, well... I dunno. Just kind of hungry, honestly. Anybody got some Jokey Mcsmokies?
All: Ugh...
Twilight: Actually, I get why Pinkie said this one would be good for right after Twi Dye Sparkle. The ending was pretty trippy.
Author: Well, I'd like something to munch on, and I'm sure you'd like to get some food too. So, Dash? Could you, you know, push the button?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, yeah, I got the damn button... *hits the button, TV turns off, door swings open*
Author: Hey, Twilight... can't you just teleport out of here?
Twilight: Oh, Mother-
END
INSPIRED BY RATHERHOMELY
READ HIS FICS THEY ARE BEST FOR LAUGHS. (RatherHomely here. You're probably wondering if it was necessary to keep this last line that sung praises to my name. The answer is; Yes. Yes it was. Why, you ask? Oh, um, it... adds to the, um... value. Yes.)
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