Mystery Equestria Theater 3000
~Episode 1: Griffy's Journey (Part 3)~
<- Part 2
[The ponies are gathered around the main console, with Twilight Sparkle holding up a picture of the Everfree Forest in her hooves.]
Applejack: Ugh, why everypony in this fic is freaking out over someone from the Everfree Forest is beyond me. Most the ones I know aren't afraid of it, nor anyone *from* it.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, I think that though someone remembered that Everfree Forest is more controlled by nature then by anything else, its the *wild* animals there that are very dangerous. Actual intelligent beings that live in it are another matter altogether.
[Twilight Sparkle flips to the next pic in the pile, that of a certain yellow pegasus.]
Twilight Sparkle: I mean, take Fluttershy for instance. She lives right on the edge of Ponyville and the Everfree Forest.
Fluttershy: ... Um, actually it's unincorporated Ponyville.
Pinkie Pie: What’s the difference?
Fluttershy: Lower taxes and I don't need any permits for all the animals I have, but the trade off is horrid sewer and phone services. And I don't get any interference from other building for my satellite! *Squee*
Rarity: Why do you think I go over to her place to watch 'Trotting with the Stars?'
[Twilight Sparkle flips to the next pic, one of a purple dragon with orange colored hair and moustache.]
Twilight Sparkle: Then there’s Steve Magnet, the Water Dragon. He lives in the Forest proper, and when we ran into him he didn’t want to cause us any harm. In fact he was more worried about his looks. He seemed more... Well...
Rarity: Fabulous?
Twilight Sparkle: I wasn’t going to go for that type of wording...
Rarity: Twilight, he is. After all, he is one of my best critics. I try to send as many of my designs to him as I can, and he gives back an honest assessment of them. He even writes an anonymous column in Cosmoplotitan, “To Rage like a Dragon.” Horrid designs are simply shredded when the come in front of him. Why wouldn’t I think he’s just fabulous?
Rainbow Dash: And here I thought he was more worried about his moustache.
Rarity: Oh no, he shaved that off. He’s growing a very suave soul patch now.
[Twilight flips to the next one, this time it’s on with a zebra balanced on her head]
Twilight Sparkle: Also there’s Zecora, who has helped us out on multiple occasions from Nightmare Night to Apple Bloom’s cutie pox. She lives in the forest because most of the plants she needs to make her potions are there.
Pinkie Pie: Though to be honest, we kinda did treat her like crap at first.
Fluttershy: I think we were more afraid of Zecora because of over-blown rumors than the fact she lives in Everfree.
[Twilight Sparkle flips back to the original picture of the Forest.]
Twilight Sparkle: Point is that ponies and other intelligent beings have been living in Everfree Forest for quite a while now. Even the original Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters is there. To think that everything that come from there is something evil or wrong is just plain stupid.
[The ponies stand quite for a moment, absorbing this bit of information.]
Applejack: Hey Twi? How about the forest itself?
Twilight Sparkle: The forest? Hmmmm...
[Twilight tilts the pic slightly towards herself as if to help her gather a better opinion of the forest itself.]
Twilight Sparkle: ... Nope, that place is still bucking freaky.
[The lights and klaxon go off.]
Twilight Sparkle: Fanfic sign!
[7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1]
> C12: Meet Rarity
Fluttershy: Rarity is a twenty-something mare from Ponyville who enjoys fashion and designing...
>
> Later that afternoon, I decided to check out a rather fancy-looking
> store called "Rarity's Botique". I liked the store's slogan, "Where
> everything Prestique, Unique & Magnifique".
[Off-screen the ‘Cha-CHING’ of a cash register is heard.]
Rarity: Ah, royalties.
>
> As entered the store, I was first greeted by a rather glamorous-
> looking, teenage, female Unicorn Pony who introduced herself as
> Rarity.
>
> "My, my my!", she said to me in amazment, "You are very unique
> sight"
Applejack: [Rarity] You utterly REEK of refuse! I thought only dragons did that.
>
> "Is that a compliment?", I asked
Rainbow Dash: Considered what has happened so far, take the ones when you can Griffy.
>
> "What I mean is that you certainly would be the one to try on my
> new outfits that are not for Ponies", she replied.
>
> "Well this can't be good, I'm going to be dressed up like a doll!",
> I thought to myself worryingly.
Rarity: No... You’re more like a test case.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> In the end, after her debating of what outfit would look "splendid"
> for me, we finally came to the conclusion of me wearing musketeer
> clothing
Pinkie Pie: All for one!
Applejack: And one for all the money!
> (I also found it rather odd that this Pony made clothes for
> others even though nopony seems to actually were clothes).
Pinkie Pie: Wait. We’re naked?
Twilight Sparkle: Um, yeah? Usually are.
Pinkie Pie: ... Okay, I can work with that.
> I, of course, took that outfit off afterwards since I feel gross
> in attire
Twilight Sparkle: That wasn’t attire from someplace gross.
>
> I decided that I would sign up for another part time job, which
> would be asissting Rarity with some of the outfit designs at this
> botique.
Applejack: [Rarity] Oh good! Now I don’t have to order that new pincushion.
> Just as I was sighning the form,
All: *Sigh*
> I suddenly felt sharp teeth and claws grab hold of my Lion-like tail.
>
> "YYOOOUUUCCHH", I yelled in pain. I turned my head around to
> find a Persian Cat figeting around with my tail.
Fluttershy: Laser pointer. Trust me.
>
> "Oh don't mind her darling", said Rarity, "Opalescence here just
> loves to play with new objects she finds".
Fluttershy: [Griffy] Are you going to care if I eat your pussy?
Twilight Sparkle: *facehoofs* Why is it always the quiet ones?
>
> Opalescence (or Opal for shot), eventually got off of me and went
> back over to her littler Cat bed.
Applejack: Garbage in, garbage out. Or in this case: Shi~ [Rarity promptly shoves a hoof in her mouth.]
Rarity: No.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Just when I was about to leave, a very young Unicorn Pony just then
> confronted me.
Rainbow Dash: [pony] Cash, NOW.
>
> "Hi!", she said to me happily, "I'm Sweetie Belle!"
Rarity: Oh, good! Sweetie Belle will take care of the problem.
Twilight Sparkle: Sweetie Belle tends to set things on fire.
Rarity: Exactly. Sweetie Belle will take care of the problem.
>
> "Griffy, the Pygmy Griffin", I replied to her as I quickly turned
> to Rarity and whispered, "Is this little filly one of your crazy
> customers?"
>
> "Oh no dear", Rarity assured me, "Sweetie Belle here is my little
> sister"
Twilight Sparkle: [Rarity] You can still use crazy though.
>
> "Oh really? You know, I used to have a younger sister too" I said,
> flashing back to my younger days.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] Killed her, ate her soul, gained her power.
>
> As I finally left the store,
Fluttershy: [Rarity] Sweetie Bell? It’s gone. Can you bring me the disinfectant?
> I realized that that fashionable, neet-freak Pony was a lot
> like my twin sister growing up. Once again, I felt more at home
> because old memories.
Twilight Sparkle: No, that would be projecting and homesickness kicking in all the more.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "I still remember that time I first met you, totally", said Sweetie
> Belle, somewhat accidently interupting Griffy's tale.
Pinkie Pie: [Sweetie Belle] Like for sure.
Rarity: I think Sweetie Belle’s had one too many detentions with Cheerilee.
>
> "You were very eger to meet new beings then", said Griffy,
Rainbow Dash: She kept going home with random strangers.
> "Now back to the story"
>
> To Be Continued
Pinkie Pie: Fooled you!
>
> C13: APPLES!
Pinkie Pie: Kumquats!
>
> It was then 12:00 in the afternoon, so that meant it was time for
> lunch. Lucky for me, I found what looked like Ponyville's best farm
> orchard, Sweet Apple Acres.
Twilight Sparkle: And the only one, considering what happened to Snow Pear Orchard.
Applejack: The detective’s final conclusion stated it was an accident.
>
> I perched in one of the many Apple Trees in the vast orchard and I
> started to eat some of the red fruit growing (of course I shined
> them first on one of my forelimbs). Apples have been, since that
> moment, one of my best favorite edibles.
Rarity: Coming from someone who eats rats and pigeons in the park, it’s not that hard to see why.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "What in tarnation is goin' on here ya'll?", spoke a female voice
> from down the Tree I was in.
Rainbow Dash: Oh crap, it’s Yosemite Samantha!
>
> There, standing on the ground was teenage, female Earth Pony with
> her tail and mane somewhat braided and wearing a cowboy hat (well
> in this case, cowgirl).
Fluttershy: Oh the jokes we could make.
>
> "Get out of this here orchard and quit stealin' mah Apples ya
> thievin' varmint!", she demmaned, looking up at me with a rather
> annoyed look.
Applejack: [mare] Damn gravity, keeping me on the ground.
>
> Just then, she used her hindlegs to buck at the Tree I was in,
Rainbow Dash: From downtown...
> in which caused both me and the Apples to fall out of the
> branches and into these baskets.
Rainbow Dash: And it’s in for three and the lead!
[The rest of the ponies cheer]
> As soon as I poked my head out of the basket I was in, the
> Earth Pony gave me a very sour, yet sonewhat confused, look.
Twilight Sparkle: [mare] I think something’s wrong with this tree. Its bearing crappy Mary Sues.
>
> "What in Celestia's name are ya'll?", she asked me curiously.
>
> "A Pygmy Griffin", I responded, "My name's Griffy and I didn't mean
> to eat your Apples, I was just hungry for lunch and I just thought..."
Rarity: [Griffy] That you local yokels wouldn’t catch on.
>
> "That's enough", the Earth Pony interupted, "I understand ya'll are
> hungry, but you should really just ask first before just thundering
> into somepony's orchard and start chowing on their Apples"
Fluttershy: Most ponies take them out to dinner first, maybe a movie.
>
> "I guess you're right", I said as I climbed out of the Apple
> basket.
>
> "If ya'll want somethin' to eat..", she continued, "..just follow
> me! Name's Applejack by the way"
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rainbow Dash: You know, if you move you head back and forth, the line looks like it’s moving.
Pinkie Pie: Oh, let me try! (Starts moving her head back and forth quickly until she starts turning green) Oh, everything’s kinda moving now.
>
> Pretty soon, Applejack was taking me over to a small picnic table
> near a large red barn.
Rarity: [Applejack] This is where the sacrifice, er, welcome party will be!
>
> "Winona!", called out Applejack and just like that, a Border Collie
> Dog raced over to us both and Applejack told her to bring over the
> rest of the Apple family and lunch food.
Fluttershy: And to mark Griffy as territory.
>
> Sitting right there on that picnic table in front of me after a
> minute or so later, were tasty-looking Apple snacks, Apple
> Fritters, Candy Apples, Apple Pies, you name it!
Applejack: Apple cider, apple jam, apple chips...
Twilight Sparkle: [Forrest] Applejack was my bestest pony.
>
> That's when I got introduced to the rest of the Applejack's family:
> Her older brother (Big Macintosh), her younger sister (Apple Bloom)
> and her grandmother (Granny Smith).
Applejack: Elizabeth, John Boy, Jim Bob...
>
> All of a sudden, I realized I had just eaten some Apples from the
> orchard already, so could'nt really eat any more for the time
> being.
Rainbow Dash: Somepony get my screwdriver and my plumber’s helper. I’ll open up his beak and shove it in.
>
> "I think should probably get going now", I replied.
Fluttershy: [Applejack] Oh why? My uncle Leatherface just had his chainsaw fixed!
>
> "You're not gunna stay for Lunch with us?", asked that little Apple
> Bloom to me.
Pinkie Pie: Eat or DEATH.
Twilight Sparkle: Just swallow it now and hork it up down the road later. That’s what I~ [notices Applejack glowering at her] I mean a pony that’s not a friend to the Apples would do.
>
> After she had asked me that, Apple Bloom made a sweet little face
> at me and blinked twice (which induced more cuteness). Her innocent
> and sweet offering strangely made my stomach empty again.
Rarity: Oh Celestia, right there in front of everypony?
Fluttershy: [Applejack] Apple Bloom! Did you cause someone to empty their bowels with your cuteness again?
Applejack: [Apple Bloom] I’m sorry.
>
> I could'nt help but finally, give into the offer being done with a
> "pleading little girl" face.
Rarity: [Chris Hansen] Griffy? Could you have a seat right over here?
>
> "Daaaawwweerr...FINE", I finally.
Rainbow Dash: Our Sue! Bucked out of every town, fell out of Cloudsdale, zapped by Celestia, and the royal guards want to kill him. He survived all that yet can’t stand up to a seven-year-old.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "Ah remember that moment", said Apple Bloom, accidently
> interupting Griffy's story
Rainbow Dash: [Apple Bloom] It’s forever burned into my soul.
Applejack: [Apple Bloom] The therapy’s *WAS* starting to help.
>
> "Yes, being adorable is you most dealiest weapon", said Griffy
> which followed with Apple Bloom making a proud face,
Pinkie Pie: Apple Bloom's d’aaaw face is considered to be a WMD.
>"Now where was I? Oh yeah"
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Puffing up my ego.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> After that big meal, Applejack (or AJ for short) said I could come
> back any time to Sweet Apple Acres.
>
> "Come any time sugarcube", AJ said to me politely.
Fluttershy: Welcome back to the Department of Redundancy Department, where we welcome you back!
Rarity: [Applejack] You owe me some bits for the apples in the orchard. Hauling cow pies is a good start.
>
> As I left the farm, I couldn't help but admire that Applejack's
> personality was alot like my father's (yet another way of making me
> feel at home away from home).
Rainbow Dash: [Applejack as Griffy’s dad] Son, get me my pipe, whiskey, and “learnin’ belt.”
>
> To Be Continued
>
> C14: So Far So Good
Applejack: Keep believing it and it might come true.
>
> Just as I was starting exit the farm, Applejack suddenly raced
> right over to me with a jar in her mouth. As soon as she cought up
> with me, She toosed it over for me to catch.
Pinkie Pie: [Applejack] Some guy in Manehatten said you’d love this stuff.
>
> "Here", she said sweetly, "Take this here jar of Apple sauce, since
> ya'll just love Apples so dang much"
Twilight Sparkle: [Applejack] We left the seeds in for that “extra” kick.
>
> "Gee, thank's", I responded, "Very generous of you". Right after I
> had finished my compliment, AJ's face blushed at what I said about
> here generous side.
Pinkie Pie: [Applejack] Thanks! I stole it from Rarity.
>
> "My oh my", she said, "Ya'll sure know how to flatter a lady,
> Griff".
Rarity: Mind you, he didn’t say a thing about lunch.
>
> But just as I started to depart, AppleJack then warned me that the
> Apple sauce she'd given could be stolen by Caribou and Badgers.
>
> From what Applejack said I got very paranoid, not realizing that it
> was only a joke.
Applejack: Ah yes, the Element of Honesty. Feeding you horseapples.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Speaking of more weird things happening to me, I suddenly rain into
> to young Unicorn Pony colts named Snips and Snails.
Pinkie Pie: Well, raining into someone is pretty weird.
> As we did our first impressions on each other, I could clearly
> tell that these two were not the brightest things on four legs.
Twilight Sparkle: Griffy was using himself as the control.
>
> "Are you a crazy lab expirament?", asked Snails
Rarity: He’s not. And trust me, *WE* know crazy lab experiments.
>
> "Give me a break,
Pinkie Pie: Of that Kit Kat bar.
> I sighed to myself.
>
> "He's obviously a Griffin of small size", said Snips to Snails
>
> I smiled at Snips being more sensible than Snails just then.
Twilight Sparkle: That’s like saying getting hit by a wooden bat is better than get hit by a metal one.
>
> After escaping those two idiots, I started to hallucinate and see
> Snips and Snails shape shift into a nightmare-like Caribou and a
> nightmare-like Badger.
Rainbow Dash: Bad trip man! Bad trip!
> I quckly snapped myself out of it.
Applejack: [Griffy] Man, I need to detox.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> It was very nice all the other residents of Ponyville: such as these
> two good female friends named Bon-Bon (an Earth Pony) and
> Lyra (a Unicorn Pony),
Fluttershy: ‘Good friends.’ I suppose that’s technically right.
> Doctor Whoof (a male Earth Pony who has for a long time,
> working on a time machine),
Pinkie Pie: Someone lists Engrish as their first language.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, I think the language teacher inside of me finally just up and shot herself.
> Ditzy Doo (a cross-eyed female Pegasus Pony often nicknamed
> "Derpy Hooves" with craving for muffins and love effections
> for Doc Whoof)
All: (singing) What is love? Baby don’t derp me no more!
> and even three nice female Earth Ponies named Lily, Rose and
> Daisy.
Rarity: Lily promptly freaked out at the sight of Griffy. Then because the mail was late. Then because the sky was blue.
>
> I decided to get yet another side job. This time, I signed up for
> being janitor at the local spa being run by these very welcoming
> Earth Pony sisters named Lotus and Aloe.
Rainbow Dash: So wait, how many jobs does he have?
Twilight Sparkle: Ummm... three.
Applejack: Yeah. I know the economy sucks right now, but it ain’t that bad.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> When dinner time came, a little bit after sunset, I settled to eat
> the Apple Sauce for dinner and man, was it good!
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Even though it’s been out in the hot sun all day and it tasted kinda funny. I was a little annoyed by that, but I had to get used to it.
>
> After throwing the jar away into a trash bin, I discovered a
> beautiful-looking garden with a small cottage-like house being
> surounded by the garden. I gaped in wide-eyed amazment at all the
> little Animals that were living here.
Fluttershy: This is probably looking like a buffet to Griffy.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] I’ve died and gone to Denny’s!
>
> I even got really excited when I found that this "Nature Paradise"
> was right next to the EverFree Forest, my homeland.
Rarity: He can see it from his backyard.
>
> "Well, I guess I won't have to feel so far from home now", I said.
Applejack: It’s almost like it’s right next door!
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> I then decided to visit whomever was living in this nature house.
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Can I live here for a while? Since I clearly have no place to go? By the way, what’s your name?
> That's when I tripped over a rock and fell on ground face first and
> flipped over on my back.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] I’m a turtle!
Rainbow Dash: Tortoise.
Fluttershy: Both.
>
> After that accident, I was starting to pass out and the Pony living
> inside the cottage ran over to me but I could not see this Pony
> clearly, for I was falling into a deep slumber from my injuries.
Rarity: That’s shock setting in. That’s a... Wait, is this good thing or bad thing?
Twilight Sparkle: I think this falls under a “Take it as you will” thing.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> I then, thank's to my overactive imagination,
Rainbow Dash: And not the meth.
> started having a nightmare about Applejack's joke on me that
> Caribou and Badgers would steal Apple sauce from me.
Rainbow Dash: Okay, maybe it is the meth.
>
> This resulted in the nightmare being a really trippy song being
> sung as I was being tormented by very bizarre looking Caribou and
> Badgers (PS,
Applejack: Dude, what *was* in that blunt?
> it would have been weirder if they were Elephants and Weasels
> doing this stuff to me).*
Rarity: And more expensive.
>
> To Be Continued
>
> * A reference to the song, "Heffalumps and Woozles" from Disney's
> Winnie the Pooh.
>
> C15: Fluttershy
All: (singing) Hush hush, eye to eye, Fluttershy shy.
>
> After my completely insane nightmare, I woke up to find that I had
> been passed out all night because it was already 6:00 AM in the
> morning. I also discovered that I wasn't outside when I had passed
> out,
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Unlike the rest of my drug and/or alcohol related exploits.
> I was in a small bed, just my size, in some sort of bedroom-like
> room that was rather nature themed.
Fluttershy: You know it’s bad when you get laid and don’t remember it.
> I could clearly tell I was in that cottage I had attempted to enter
> yesterday.
Rainbow Dash: But you passed out before you seen the inside.
Applejack: Breaking and entering is always best done while unconscious.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> The bedroom door suddenly started to open and a very sweet and kind
> quiet voice came through saying, "I hope the little guy is okay".
Fluttershy: [voice] That type of thing... well it happens to everyone sometime.
> And in came, a yellow-colored, female, teenage Pegasus Pony with
> both a long and pink mane and tail. In fact, she must have been the
> Pony who rushed over to me when I was just getting knocked out
> yesterday. She then noticed with suprise that I was already awake.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy, sleazily] Lllllllllady.
>
> "Are you feeling okay?", she asked calmly.
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] I feel like I’m trapped in place with this half one thing, half another is trying to be the most awesome thing ever and not realizing how much he’s failing at it.
Rarity: [Fluttershy] ... Okay, still delusional.
>
> "I guess so", I replied, "Well okay, my beak doe ache a little still"
Pinkie Pie: Cocaine is a helluva drug.
>
> The Pegasus Pony was stunned to find that I was speaking in her
> language
Applejack: The mare can talk to nearly every single animal anywhere and she’s surprised when one talks back?
Rarity: [Fluttershy] Your accent’s funny. It’s between egotistical and stupid.
> (PS,
Rainbow Dash: Balls.
> before my journey actually started, I did some research in the
> EverFree Forest's public library and learned enough words in
> the Steed tongue to speek to these to Equines fluently).
Twilight Sparkle: (sarcastic) What? Really? After over fifteen chapters we thought you were communicating telepathically!
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "I'm Griffy the Pygmy Griffin", I said to her, "What's your name?"
Fluttershy: Whenever Canterlot orders a census, they have to outsource.
>
> All she did was a rather quiet mumble in response, "um, my name is
> Flutters..."
Pinkie Pie: But some refer to her as Professor Chaos.
>
> "Sorry, what was that?", I asked.
>
> "umm, I'm Flut...", she quietly mummbled.
Twilight Sparkle: Fluctuating in and out of the space-time continuum?
>
> "Still didn't quite catch that", I said.
>
> Just then, she got into a rather shy position, trying to hide her
> face in her long mane with a cute little shy sound. We both just
> stood there quiet for about half a minute.
Rarity: Plagiarism! Why bother trying to make something up when copying it so much easier.
>
> "Oooookaaaay", I said in a slightly wierded-out tone, "I'll just
> check out where your mailbox is to figure out who you are"
Rainbow Dash: Remember kids: Committing a federal offense is perfectly fine when you want to find out more on someone.
>
> I lept over to the window and spotted her mailbox down on the
> ground and it read "Fluttershy".
Rainbow Dash: ... Or he could’ve read the name on the mailbox. That works too.
>
> "Fluttershy's your name eh?", I said, turning my head around. All
> Fluttershy did in response was another adorable sounding wimper,
> due her being shy and all.
>
> Just when I started to fly towards her, my back suddenly gave out
> on me,
Pinkie Pie: Griffy! Body of 20 year old track star, back of a 75 year old with scoliosis.
> "YYYOOOWWW!", I wailed as I plumeted to the carpet.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Fluttershy desperately flew over and picked me up with her
> forelimbs and cradled me saying, "Of no, you're still unwell, it's
> best you get back into the little medic bed"
Fluttershy: [Griffy] No, I’m fine. Let me munch your carpet for a bit longer.
>
> As she tucked me back into the bed, I felt just a little annoyed at
> her erge to care for me like an infant.
>
> "Is this all really called for?", I asked.
Rarity: No, but padding is needed somewhere.
>
> "Yes it is", Fluttershy replied, "Now let me get you some
> breakfest"
>
> The next thing you know it, she was back in a flash with
> Cinnamon-coated cookies and a cup of Orange juice.
Applejack: And a french maid’s outfit.
> After I ate and drank the stuff, one of the most soothing sounds
> to ever cross my ears was about to come along.
Fluttershy: Eric Clopton on the radio?
Rarity: The Sound of Music on the TV?
Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy revving her chainsaw?
>
> "How about I sing you a get well lullaby", she asked nicely.
All: (singing) Exit light! Enter night! Take my hand! Off to never-never land!
>
> "Wwweeeeeelllll...sure", I said in response.
>
> Fluttershy than sang one of the memorable childhood songs I could
> think of as well as sing it in the most beautiful teenage singing
> voice I've ever heard. Words cannot even discribe how soothing it
> was.
Applejack: [Griffy] It was like verbal Pepto Bismol mixed with auditory Maalox.
Twilight Sparkle: More than I wanted to know.
>
> The next thing you know it, I was sound asleep again.
Rainbow Dash: Now, someone get the pillow...
>
> To Be Continued
>
> C16: EPICNESS!
All: (singing) You want it all but you can't have it! It's in your face but you can't grab it!
>
> Once I had woken up, I decided to just hang out with Fluttershy in
> her living room, chating about our lives.
Rarity: [Fluttershy] I saved a bunny last week.
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Oh, I save an entire family of bunnies. From a bear. That was from outer space. While riding Franklin Delano Roosevcolt.
>
> I have to admit, even though this Pegasus Pony was absolutely shy
> around most, she had a real thing for little woodland Creatures.
Applejack: Just not in that way.
Fluttershy: Mostly because it’s extra.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "You're from the EverFree Forest!", exclaimed Fluttershy when she
> heard me mention where I'm native to, "But...y-you don't s-s-seem
> evil or bad", she stammered nervously.
Applejack: [Fluttershy] ... You’re going to ask me if I found the Jesuspony, aren’t you?
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] ... Maybe.
Applejack: [Fluttershy] Well, I haven’t. But when I do, he better have those 250 bits he owes me.
>
> "Not all EverFree Forest inhabitants are evil Flutter", I continued.
Rarity: Some are just jerks.
>
> "Oh, sorry if I offended you", said Fluttershy qiuetly, twiddling
> her hooves.
Applejack: [Fluttershy] I have dishonored my family. I must now make up for this transgression with ritual suicide.
>
> "Wait!", I exclaimed in a stunned fashion, "I just remembered!
> Would you happen to know what that rainbow-like explosion that
> occured years ago was?
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] It was right after I did some LSD. Made it taste like Skittles!
> I remember it inspiring me when I was just a chick-cub".
Twilight Sparkle: Bright lights inspire a kid! Also water is wet!
>
> "Sounds like you whitnessed a Sonic Rainboom being performed",
> answered Fluttershy.
>
> "A Sonic Whatboom?", I said puzzled.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] I’d rather call it The Technicolor Thunder Sounder.
>
> Suddenly, at that very moment, the sound of a tea kettle boiling
> came from the kitchen.
Rarity: [Fluttershy] New ringtone.
>
> "Oh my!", said Fluttershy excitedly, "The tea is ready".
>
> After then taking me outside to a picnic table for me to enjoy the
> sight of EverFree Forest just standing right there, Fluttershy then
> came out with two teacups and the kettle, sat down and said, "Here
> Griffy, try some tea"
Twilight Sparkle: [Fluttershy] A bald pony wearing a red vest told me to try Earl Gray, hot. And for somepony from Prance, he sounded somewhat British...
>
> At first I was curious to see what this liquid substance ("Tea" as
> Fluttershy called it) would taste all right. I actually found it to
> be only microscopiclly tasty, mostly revolting.
Rarity: Sir, the British would beg to differ.
>
> "Now now Griffy Wiffy", Fluttershy said in baby-talk, "Don't be
> Cwanky Wanky about your Dwinky Winky Poo!"
Fluttershy: Oh, I only talk to the baby animals like that... And the occasional idiot.
Applejack: Where does that put Griffy?
Fluttershy: Ummm... Well, he’s definitely not the former.
>
> "I Think I'm Going to be Sicky Wicky Poo", I thought to myself.
>
> Overall, Fluttershy reminded me of both my older female cousin and
> that girl Griffin I always had a crush on.
Rarity: Griffy never realized they were the same person.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> A few days later, after living with Fluttershy, I had chosen to
> live in and old Red Maple Tree in the town park, as an official
> citizen of Ponyville.
Rarity: [Mayor] We have houses you know.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] Nonsense! I will live here as I lived at home: Like a bum.
>
> During that same day, I also realized that it was almost time for
> the Summer Sun Celebration (meaning I will be seeing Princess
> Celestia again!)
Pinkie Pie: At least from someplace where she’ll see him too.
>
> While taking a few laps in the air that afternoon, I happened to
> notice two guards from Canterlot flying past, pulling a golden
> chariot with what looked like Celestia's best student, Twilight
> Sparkle, and her pet (I mean assistant/friend) Dragon, Spike. Now
> Spike was looking very happy, but Twilight wasn't.
Rainbow Dash: [Twilight Sparkle] I get airsick.
Twilight Sparkle: I do NOT.
Applejack: Sure you don’t! I mean we’ve been up here how long now? Just floating along, hundreds of thousands of feet off the ground. [Twilight Sparkle starts to turn slightly green] Listing and drifting from side-to-side, up and down...
Twilight Sparkle: ... Okay! I get airsick. Now somepony give me a barf bag.
>
> As soon as I returned to Ponyville, I noticed that Twilight and
> Spike had already met that insane Pinkie Pie who greeted them by
> making a big gasp for no apparent reason.
Pinkie Pie: *Gasp* We’re repeating the first episode in a bad fanfic!
> Just as the two were starting to head over to Sweet Apple Acres, I
> quickly zoomed over, stopped them both in their tracks and started
> introducing myself and everything.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] Hi, I’ve been watching you from the shadows this whole time!
Rarity: When your stalker introduces himself that’s when the bad things really start happening.
Twilight Sparkle: Note to self: Taser time.
>
> They also told me that Twilight was truthfully just in town to make
> friends of her own species.
Rainbow Dash: And ego size.
>
> After that I departed to go find some Bugs and Worms to eat. That's
> when it occured to me, Twilight reminded me of my mother and Spike
> reminded of that annoying Gremlin I used to know growing up.
Twilight Sparkle: Well then go to your room and don’t come out until I say so.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Later that night, I went to sleep earlier than I usually do, just
> so I could get up early and come to the celebration on time. Just a
> few minutes before the crack of dawm, I woke up and saw that
> everypony was geeting ready for Celestia to appear.
Rarity: Yes, but was it trending?
> While I worked my way through the crowd, I met up with Spike,
> the Dragon, and pretty soon, he and me were were pals; the guys.
Applejack: With nothing better to do that drink beer on the deck on a Saturday night.
> I also could'nt happen but notice he was, for an unknown reason,
> fantasizing about Rarity.
Twilight Sparkle: The flank?
Fluttershy: The chest?
Applejack: The hair?
Pinkie Pie: The eyes?
Rarity: Ladies... It’s the whole package.
> I tried to negotiate that he should not be in love with her (due
> to an age difference
Fluttershy: So she’s a cougar?
> and a species difference),
Twilight Sparkle: Love is blind. Unless it offends someone, then it apparently needs glasses.
> but he would not listen; thus, I had no choice but to bonk him on the
> head with my fist.
Rainbow Dash: Violence! It doesn’t solve every problem, just most of them.
>
> Just then, Celestia did not appear.
Pinkie Pie: Well, that was anti-climatic.
> And standing there, with a black fur coat and dark blue armor, was
> the evil version of Celestia's long lost younger sister she had told me
> tales about, Luna. This evil version of Princess Luna identified herself
> as Nightmare Moon and she planned to send the whole world into
> eternal night, forever.
All: (singing) Back in black, she hit the sack, she's been too long she's glad to be back!
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> I followed the six Pony girls into the EverFree Forest to complete
> their mission in saving the world with the Elements of Harmony.
> They never seemed to notice me at all. I whitnessed the whole
> entire battle, and it was AWESOME!
Rainbow Dash: Really? Really? Really?
Fluttershy: [Griffy] I wasn’t spotted the whole time! I’ll be able to use this camouflage in the tree outside Twilight Sparkle’s window!
>
> After Luna's Redemption and the Celebration that order was back,
Rarity: But not law. That took about another week.
Applejack: It was a good time for Kicks McGee though.
> I was very wierd feeling about the unknown reason why Luna had
> transformed into Nightmare Moon; maybe we'll discover the answer
> in the future.
Twilight Sparkle: With a trip to your local library!
> Me and Spike were both a little disapointed that we didn't become
> heroes and save the world with the six "PWNies".
Rainbow Dash: The true sign of a good story: Leet-speak.
> But however, me
> and Spike later got to be official members of that Pony gang of six
> (becoming the gang of eight) some time later on,
Applejack: Becoming the most notorious gang this side of the Los Pecos.
> but that's a tale for another time.
Rarity: Wouldn’t have a series if we crammed everything into one fic, now would we?
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "And that, Cutie Mark Crusaders, is how I came to live in
> Ponyville", said Griffy, still sitting on a park bench while Apple
> Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo sat in front of him with amazed
> faces.
Fluttershy: Wow, even the characters in the story are amazed with Griffy’s crap.
>
> "Well at least tell us what you did after the Summer Sun
> Celebration and Princess Luna's redemption", said Scootaloo.
>
> "Yeah", agreed Sweetie Belle, "You active or not"
Twilight Sparkle: He’s questionable for Sunday’s game.
>
> "Well sure I was", replied Griffy as he suddenly eyed a passing
> Butterfly and then snagged it with his beak and swallowed it alive,
Rainbow Dash: [butterfly] Dude, seriously? I *HELPED YOU* move here!
Rarity: He chose to Ponyville because everyone is treated equally and like neighbors there. Apparently cannibalistic neighbors.
> "Do want to know just a brief summary or something?"
>
> "That's a great ahdea!" said Apple Bloom.
>
> "That was supposed to be a joke", said Griffy,
Pinkie Pie: And the reasons why Griffy has been regulated to early Wednesday mornings on Comedy Central become apparent.
> but it was too late for him to retreat from the three foals. They
> immediately jumped onto the same bench he was on and continuously
> asked him to tell them more about his life in Ponyville up to date.
Twilight Sparkle: Bother bother bother bother.
>
> "Make me", he said with his arms crossed.
Rarity: Ve have vays of makink you talk.
>
> So the three young fillies made adorable faces by making their
> lower lips quiver and blink their eyes a few times.
>
> "NNNOOO!", wailed Griffy with a bit of laughter and smiling in his
> wailing, trying his best to cover his eyes. He peeked through to
> see if it had stopped, but no; it had not. The three foals added
> cute little girl whimpers to encourage him more.
Twilight Sparkle: Beg! Beg like the dogs you are!
>
> "PLEASE", moaned Griffy in agony, "Stop trying to make tell you
> more stories by making adorableness with your lips, voices and
> opticals!
Applejack: I thought we agreed not to get those three those special Ray-Ban sunglasses.
Rarity: But they went so well with their outfits...
> Okay, fiiiinnne!"
>
> "YYYAAAAAYYYYYYYY!", cried out the Cutie Mark Crusaders in joyful
> personalities, "So what did you do?"
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] The screams, the smell, the dancing of the flames... Somethings you never forget.
>
> "Well", said Grify taking a deep breath in and then said everything
> he had done in the first season of this show as fast as he could,
Rainbow Dash: Wait. The who of the what now?
Pinkie Pie: Well, the author probably forgot that he needed to write this as viewed from a character in the world, thus the show does not exist and should not be mentioned save for a good laugh. But this doesn’t fall into that category and was either something forgotten about or a Freudian slip. Either way, it’s probably cemented Griffy standing as a combination Mary Sue and self insertion.
Rainbow Dash: Once again, times two: The who of the what now?
Pinkie Pie: Short version? Griffy needs a decent proofreader.
> "I'm truthfully kinda creeped out that the environment outside of
> the EverFree Forest needs Pony's to live (I'd consider THAT to be
> unnatural instead of my homeland), but I guess I'll have to get ued
> to it; so I'm like incredibly annoyed when the Running of the
> Leaves turnament and Winter Wrap Up take place. Also, I finally got
> to meet a Giant Griffin for the first time in my life (I met a
> rather rude female Giant Griffin named Gilda). I like to bonk Spike
> on the head whenever he romantically eyes Rarity. I also met a
> rhyming Zebra named Zecora, we went on a trip to Apple-Loosa and
> saw the conflict between the Earth Pony settlers and the indiginous
> Bison (often informally called "Buffalo" by the settlers), I went
> the Young Fliers competition to see Rainbow Dash compete and got
> amazed when I saw her perform her second Sonic Rainboom,
> refreshing my childhood of when I first whitnessed it being performed
> by her (even though I never knew it really was her) and finally,
> Celestia sent me a ticket to go to the Grand Galloping Gala with my
> seven friends; in which I came there to get some respect from the
> Canterlot gaurds, but no, I got no respect at all"
Twilight Sparkle: That’s my entire first year in Ponyville in under a minute.
Rarity: And all without those annoying extra things, like back story, conflict & resolution, lessons learned and the impact it’ll have on you!
Applejack: Or even Twilight herself!
>
> "So we can go home now", they asked Griffy.
Fluttershy: Run! Run while you can!
>
> "You got it!", replied Griffy as he flew off the bench and back
> into the leaves of his Maple Tree house, "But wait!"
Applejack: There’s more! For just $9.95 more you can get this amazing set of ginsu knives!
>
> He then poked his head and front legs out of his Tree's leaves,
Twilight Sparkle: Tree Griffy is watching you masturbate.
> holding a wooden flute and looking very eger to play it.
>
> "What are you going to do now?", asked Sweetie Belle.
Rarity: Something not fit for children.
Fluttershy: [Griffy] I’m going to finger my hard wood in front of everyone!
>
> "You are about to hear the sounds of my old home, Gabbagon, the
> most beautiful place in all of the EverFree Forest",
Pinkie Pie: As confirmed by Ray Charles.
> he responded and then started to play the flute, making a
> beautiful-sounding tune which then followed with Griffy singing
> a short tune in Gabbagonian language:
>
> Amanalu duniaina
>
> Amanalu duniaina
>
> Amanalu duniaina
Twilight Sparkle: It’s like my iHoof’s stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay.
>
> "Wow", said Scootaloo, "That really felt relaxing"
>
> "Wow, ah think ah just entered a world where nuthin' is bad", said
> Apple Bloom.
>
> "And I think I know what happened to me", said Sweetie Belle as she
> looked up at Griffy with a blissfull face.
Applejack: Griffy still has a lot of that Manehatten juice left, and he’s sharing.
>
> She then started to imagine sparkling lights around Griffy and also
> see Griffy's light blue eyes become very peaceful looking.
Pinkie Pie: [Sweetie Belle] I think I have a concussion.
>
> "Are developing a crush on me?", asked Griffy, "Because you better
> not be, it's wrong.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] I’m too high on the social ladder for the likes of you. It would ruin my reputation.
Rarity: [Sweetie Belle] You wear garbage and live in a tree. Who here is aiming high?
> For one thing, we are two completely different species and even if
> we were the same species, I'd be like waaaaaay too old for you"
>
> Sweetie Belle then got an ashamed look on her face and nodded in
> agreement.
Fluttershy: Letting them down easy while bolstering their confidence and ego? Bah! Crushing the souls of the young is easier.
>
> "Until we meet again, Cutie Mark Crusaders", said Griffy as he
> moved his head and front legs back into the leaves of his Tree,
> "Kwa-herha, that means goodbye in Gabbagonian"
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] I’ll be watching you from the trees...
>
> The End
All: Freedom!
Rainbow Dash: Then Griffy wakes up in the back alleys of Manehatten, crashing hard off the drug. This whole thing was a hallucination.
>
> (The story shall continue with "The Swarms Strike")
Rainbow Dash: Or not.
Twilight Sparkle: Do not want!
[1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7]
*The Lab*
Nightmare Moon: So my little plethora of pastel colored ponies, how did it go down?
*Satellite*
Rarity: Actually, it wasn’t that bad. Besides the bad grammar and such, you had a ridiculously overpowered original character that wants to be super awesome, but with ponies acting completely out of character and Griffy having the social graces of a rock he winds up completely blowing it.
Rainbow Dash: Yep, and plus Griffy comes from a place from where everyone can befriend each other, yet he leaves because of bullies.
Pinkie Pie: And don’t let us get started on the fact Griffy’s looking for friends, yet he misses the ones TRYING to make friends with him. *Several times.*
Fluttershy: Or how about he came to Ponyville because everyone is treated like a neighbor, but he eats the animals in the park and smacks Spike upside the head.
Twilight Sparkle: So overall? Bearable. Stupid but bearable.
[The ponies wait for a minute.]
Applejack: Okay, so... Ya’ll can send us back to Ponyville now.
*The Lab*
[Nightmare Moon just stares blankly at the view screen. It takes a moment, but her lip starts to tremble. It quickly evolves into laughter. This lasts for a about a half a minute before she notices the ponies staring at her.]
Nightmare Moon: Oh, you were serious? Well... let me laugh even harder.
[Nightmare Moon starts laughing again, this time it lasts a good three minutes before she can compose herself.]
Nightmare Moon: Oh goddess, that felt good. Oh no my little ponies, home is no longer an option. You see, I came across the lovely thing called the internet. It contains a multitude of things: important, irrelevant, serious, tongue-in-cheek, it runs the whole gambit. But what it contains most of all is crap. It would take several banishments to the moon just to wade through a tiny portion of it. And we're going to go through it until I find the one that breaks your VERY SOULS.
[Nightmare Moon begins to laugh, this time in that more classic evil genius way. Moments later Snips and Snails appear next to her, joining in. She stops laughing while the two goofs continue on. With a glow of her horn, Nightmare Moon quickly sends a bolt of lightning into the other two, sending them flying away.]
Nightmare Moon: Where was I...? Oh yes, maniacal evil laughter.
[Nightmare Moon continues to do so until the feed cuts out.]
*Satellite*
[The six ponies just stare at the now dead view screen, shocked expressions across their faces.]
Fluttershy: ... Well shit.
Twilight Sparkle: Couldn’t put it better myself.
- PWOOSH! -
Pinkie Pie: ... MSTer’s kinda lazy for switching from prose to script like that.
[The ponies are gathered around the main console, with Twilight Sparkle holding up a picture of the Everfree Forest in her hooves.]
Applejack: Ugh, why everypony in this fic is freaking out over someone from the Everfree Forest is beyond me. Most the ones I know aren't afraid of it, nor anyone *from* it.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, I think that though someone remembered that Everfree Forest is more controlled by nature then by anything else, its the *wild* animals there that are very dangerous. Actual intelligent beings that live in it are another matter altogether.
[Twilight Sparkle flips to the next pic in the pile, that of a certain yellow pegasus.]
Twilight Sparkle: I mean, take Fluttershy for instance. She lives right on the edge of Ponyville and the Everfree Forest.
Fluttershy: ... Um, actually it's unincorporated Ponyville.
Pinkie Pie: What’s the difference?
Fluttershy: Lower taxes and I don't need any permits for all the animals I have, but the trade off is horrid sewer and phone services. And I don't get any interference from other building for my satellite! *Squee*
Rarity: Why do you think I go over to her place to watch 'Trotting with the Stars?'
[Twilight Sparkle flips to the next pic, one of a purple dragon with orange colored hair and moustache.]
Twilight Sparkle: Then there’s Steve Magnet, the Water Dragon. He lives in the Forest proper, and when we ran into him he didn’t want to cause us any harm. In fact he was more worried about his looks. He seemed more... Well...
Rarity: Fabulous?
Twilight Sparkle: I wasn’t going to go for that type of wording...
Rarity: Twilight, he is. After all, he is one of my best critics. I try to send as many of my designs to him as I can, and he gives back an honest assessment of them. He even writes an anonymous column in Cosmoplotitan, “To Rage like a Dragon.” Horrid designs are simply shredded when the come in front of him. Why wouldn’t I think he’s just fabulous?
Rainbow Dash: And here I thought he was more worried about his moustache.
Rarity: Oh no, he shaved that off. He’s growing a very suave soul patch now.
[Twilight flips to the next one, this time it’s on with a zebra balanced on her head]
Twilight Sparkle: Also there’s Zecora, who has helped us out on multiple occasions from Nightmare Night to Apple Bloom’s cutie pox. She lives in the forest because most of the plants she needs to make her potions are there.
Pinkie Pie: Though to be honest, we kinda did treat her like crap at first.
Fluttershy: I think we were more afraid of Zecora because of over-blown rumors than the fact she lives in Everfree.
[Twilight Sparkle flips back to the original picture of the Forest.]
Twilight Sparkle: Point is that ponies and other intelligent beings have been living in Everfree Forest for quite a while now. Even the original Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters is there. To think that everything that come from there is something evil or wrong is just plain stupid.
[The ponies stand quite for a moment, absorbing this bit of information.]
Applejack: Hey Twi? How about the forest itself?
Twilight Sparkle: The forest? Hmmmm...
[Twilight tilts the pic slightly towards herself as if to help her gather a better opinion of the forest itself.]
Twilight Sparkle: ... Nope, that place is still bucking freaky.
[The lights and klaxon go off.]
Twilight Sparkle: Fanfic sign!
[7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1]
> C12: Meet Rarity
Fluttershy: Rarity is a twenty-something mare from Ponyville who enjoys fashion and designing...
>
> Later that afternoon, I decided to check out a rather fancy-looking
> store called "Rarity's Botique". I liked the store's slogan, "Where
> everything Prestique, Unique & Magnifique".
[Off-screen the ‘Cha-CHING’ of a cash register is heard.]
Rarity: Ah, royalties.
>
> As entered the store, I was first greeted by a rather glamorous-
> looking, teenage, female Unicorn Pony who introduced herself as
> Rarity.
>
> "My, my my!", she said to me in amazment, "You are very unique
> sight"
Applejack: [Rarity] You utterly REEK of refuse! I thought only dragons did that.
>
> "Is that a compliment?", I asked
Rainbow Dash: Considered what has happened so far, take the ones when you can Griffy.
>
> "What I mean is that you certainly would be the one to try on my
> new outfits that are not for Ponies", she replied.
>
> "Well this can't be good, I'm going to be dressed up like a doll!",
> I thought to myself worryingly.
Rarity: No... You’re more like a test case.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> In the end, after her debating of what outfit would look "splendid"
> for me, we finally came to the conclusion of me wearing musketeer
> clothing
Pinkie Pie: All for one!
Applejack: And one for all the money!
> (I also found it rather odd that this Pony made clothes for
> others even though nopony seems to actually were clothes).
Pinkie Pie: Wait. We’re naked?
Twilight Sparkle: Um, yeah? Usually are.
Pinkie Pie: ... Okay, I can work with that.
> I, of course, took that outfit off afterwards since I feel gross
> in attire
Twilight Sparkle: That wasn’t attire from someplace gross.
>
> I decided that I would sign up for another part time job, which
> would be asissting Rarity with some of the outfit designs at this
> botique.
Applejack: [Rarity] Oh good! Now I don’t have to order that new pincushion.
> Just as I was sighning the form,
All: *Sigh*
> I suddenly felt sharp teeth and claws grab hold of my Lion-like tail.
>
> "YYOOOUUUCCHH", I yelled in pain. I turned my head around to
> find a Persian Cat figeting around with my tail.
Fluttershy: Laser pointer. Trust me.
>
> "Oh don't mind her darling", said Rarity, "Opalescence here just
> loves to play with new objects she finds".
Fluttershy: [Griffy] Are you going to care if I eat your pussy?
Twilight Sparkle: *facehoofs* Why is it always the quiet ones?
>
> Opalescence (or Opal for shot), eventually got off of me and went
> back over to her littler Cat bed.
Applejack: Garbage in, garbage out. Or in this case: Shi~ [Rarity promptly shoves a hoof in her mouth.]
Rarity: No.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Just when I was about to leave, a very young Unicorn Pony just then
> confronted me.
Rainbow Dash: [pony] Cash, NOW.
>
> "Hi!", she said to me happily, "I'm Sweetie Belle!"
Rarity: Oh, good! Sweetie Belle will take care of the problem.
Twilight Sparkle: Sweetie Belle tends to set things on fire.
Rarity: Exactly. Sweetie Belle will take care of the problem.
>
> "Griffy, the Pygmy Griffin", I replied to her as I quickly turned
> to Rarity and whispered, "Is this little filly one of your crazy
> customers?"
>
> "Oh no dear", Rarity assured me, "Sweetie Belle here is my little
> sister"
Twilight Sparkle: [Rarity] You can still use crazy though.
>
> "Oh really? You know, I used to have a younger sister too" I said,
> flashing back to my younger days.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] Killed her, ate her soul, gained her power.
>
> As I finally left the store,
Fluttershy: [Rarity] Sweetie Bell? It’s gone. Can you bring me the disinfectant?
> I realized that that fashionable, neet-freak Pony was a lot
> like my twin sister growing up. Once again, I felt more at home
> because old memories.
Twilight Sparkle: No, that would be projecting and homesickness kicking in all the more.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "I still remember that time I first met you, totally", said Sweetie
> Belle, somewhat accidently interupting Griffy's tale.
Pinkie Pie: [Sweetie Belle] Like for sure.
Rarity: I think Sweetie Belle’s had one too many detentions with Cheerilee.
>
> "You were very eger to meet new beings then", said Griffy,
Rainbow Dash: She kept going home with random strangers.
> "Now back to the story"
>
> To Be Continued
Pinkie Pie: Fooled you!
>
> C13: APPLES!
Pinkie Pie: Kumquats!
>
> It was then 12:00 in the afternoon, so that meant it was time for
> lunch. Lucky for me, I found what looked like Ponyville's best farm
> orchard, Sweet Apple Acres.
Twilight Sparkle: And the only one, considering what happened to Snow Pear Orchard.
Applejack: The detective’s final conclusion stated it was an accident.
>
> I perched in one of the many Apple Trees in the vast orchard and I
> started to eat some of the red fruit growing (of course I shined
> them first on one of my forelimbs). Apples have been, since that
> moment, one of my best favorite edibles.
Rarity: Coming from someone who eats rats and pigeons in the park, it’s not that hard to see why.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "What in tarnation is goin' on here ya'll?", spoke a female voice
> from down the Tree I was in.
Rainbow Dash: Oh crap, it’s Yosemite Samantha!
>
> There, standing on the ground was teenage, female Earth Pony with
> her tail and mane somewhat braided and wearing a cowboy hat (well
> in this case, cowgirl).
Fluttershy: Oh the jokes we could make.
>
> "Get out of this here orchard and quit stealin' mah Apples ya
> thievin' varmint!", she demmaned, looking up at me with a rather
> annoyed look.
Applejack: [mare] Damn gravity, keeping me on the ground.
>
> Just then, she used her hindlegs to buck at the Tree I was in,
Rainbow Dash: From downtown...
> in which caused both me and the Apples to fall out of the
> branches and into these baskets.
Rainbow Dash: And it’s in for three and the lead!
[The rest of the ponies cheer]
> As soon as I poked my head out of the basket I was in, the
> Earth Pony gave me a very sour, yet sonewhat confused, look.
Twilight Sparkle: [mare] I think something’s wrong with this tree. Its bearing crappy Mary Sues.
>
> "What in Celestia's name are ya'll?", she asked me curiously.
>
> "A Pygmy Griffin", I responded, "My name's Griffy and I didn't mean
> to eat your Apples, I was just hungry for lunch and I just thought..."
Rarity: [Griffy] That you local yokels wouldn’t catch on.
>
> "That's enough", the Earth Pony interupted, "I understand ya'll are
> hungry, but you should really just ask first before just thundering
> into somepony's orchard and start chowing on their Apples"
Fluttershy: Most ponies take them out to dinner first, maybe a movie.
>
> "I guess you're right", I said as I climbed out of the Apple
> basket.
>
> "If ya'll want somethin' to eat..", she continued, "..just follow
> me! Name's Applejack by the way"
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rainbow Dash: You know, if you move you head back and forth, the line looks like it’s moving.
Pinkie Pie: Oh, let me try! (Starts moving her head back and forth quickly until she starts turning green) Oh, everything’s kinda moving now.
>
> Pretty soon, Applejack was taking me over to a small picnic table
> near a large red barn.
Rarity: [Applejack] This is where the sacrifice, er, welcome party will be!
>
> "Winona!", called out Applejack and just like that, a Border Collie
> Dog raced over to us both and Applejack told her to bring over the
> rest of the Apple family and lunch food.
Fluttershy: And to mark Griffy as territory.
>
> Sitting right there on that picnic table in front of me after a
> minute or so later, were tasty-looking Apple snacks, Apple
> Fritters, Candy Apples, Apple Pies, you name it!
Applejack: Apple cider, apple jam, apple chips...
Twilight Sparkle: [Forrest] Applejack was my bestest pony.
>
> That's when I got introduced to the rest of the Applejack's family:
> Her older brother (Big Macintosh), her younger sister (Apple Bloom)
> and her grandmother (Granny Smith).
Applejack: Elizabeth, John Boy, Jim Bob...
>
> All of a sudden, I realized I had just eaten some Apples from the
> orchard already, so could'nt really eat any more for the time
> being.
Rainbow Dash: Somepony get my screwdriver and my plumber’s helper. I’ll open up his beak and shove it in.
>
> "I think should probably get going now", I replied.
Fluttershy: [Applejack] Oh why? My uncle Leatherface just had his chainsaw fixed!
>
> "You're not gunna stay for Lunch with us?", asked that little Apple
> Bloom to me.
Pinkie Pie: Eat or DEATH.
Twilight Sparkle: Just swallow it now and hork it up down the road later. That’s what I~ [notices Applejack glowering at her] I mean a pony that’s not a friend to the Apples would do.
>
> After she had asked me that, Apple Bloom made a sweet little face
> at me and blinked twice (which induced more cuteness). Her innocent
> and sweet offering strangely made my stomach empty again.
Rarity: Oh Celestia, right there in front of everypony?
Fluttershy: [Applejack] Apple Bloom! Did you cause someone to empty their bowels with your cuteness again?
Applejack: [Apple Bloom] I’m sorry.
>
> I could'nt help but finally, give into the offer being done with a
> "pleading little girl" face.
Rarity: [Chris Hansen] Griffy? Could you have a seat right over here?
>
> "Daaaawwweerr...FINE", I finally.
Rainbow Dash: Our Sue! Bucked out of every town, fell out of Cloudsdale, zapped by Celestia, and the royal guards want to kill him. He survived all that yet can’t stand up to a seven-year-old.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "Ah remember that moment", said Apple Bloom, accidently
> interupting Griffy's story
Rainbow Dash: [Apple Bloom] It’s forever burned into my soul.
Applejack: [Apple Bloom] The therapy’s *WAS* starting to help.
>
> "Yes, being adorable is you most dealiest weapon", said Griffy
> which followed with Apple Bloom making a proud face,
Pinkie Pie: Apple Bloom's d’aaaw face is considered to be a WMD.
>"Now where was I? Oh yeah"
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Puffing up my ego.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> After that big meal, Applejack (or AJ for short) said I could come
> back any time to Sweet Apple Acres.
>
> "Come any time sugarcube", AJ said to me politely.
Fluttershy: Welcome back to the Department of Redundancy Department, where we welcome you back!
Rarity: [Applejack] You owe me some bits for the apples in the orchard. Hauling cow pies is a good start.
>
> As I left the farm, I couldn't help but admire that Applejack's
> personality was alot like my father's (yet another way of making me
> feel at home away from home).
Rainbow Dash: [Applejack as Griffy’s dad] Son, get me my pipe, whiskey, and “learnin’ belt.”
>
> To Be Continued
>
> C14: So Far So Good
Applejack: Keep believing it and it might come true.
>
> Just as I was starting exit the farm, Applejack suddenly raced
> right over to me with a jar in her mouth. As soon as she cought up
> with me, She toosed it over for me to catch.
Pinkie Pie: [Applejack] Some guy in Manehatten said you’d love this stuff.
>
> "Here", she said sweetly, "Take this here jar of Apple sauce, since
> ya'll just love Apples so dang much"
Twilight Sparkle: [Applejack] We left the seeds in for that “extra” kick.
>
> "Gee, thank's", I responded, "Very generous of you". Right after I
> had finished my compliment, AJ's face blushed at what I said about
> here generous side.
Pinkie Pie: [Applejack] Thanks! I stole it from Rarity.
>
> "My oh my", she said, "Ya'll sure know how to flatter a lady,
> Griff".
Rarity: Mind you, he didn’t say a thing about lunch.
>
> But just as I started to depart, AppleJack then warned me that the
> Apple sauce she'd given could be stolen by Caribou and Badgers.
>
> From what Applejack said I got very paranoid, not realizing that it
> was only a joke.
Applejack: Ah yes, the Element of Honesty. Feeding you horseapples.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Speaking of more weird things happening to me, I suddenly rain into
> to young Unicorn Pony colts named Snips and Snails.
Pinkie Pie: Well, raining into someone is pretty weird.
> As we did our first impressions on each other, I could clearly
> tell that these two were not the brightest things on four legs.
Twilight Sparkle: Griffy was using himself as the control.
>
> "Are you a crazy lab expirament?", asked Snails
Rarity: He’s not. And trust me, *WE* know crazy lab experiments.
>
> "Give me a break,
Pinkie Pie: Of that Kit Kat bar.
> I sighed to myself.
>
> "He's obviously a Griffin of small size", said Snips to Snails
>
> I smiled at Snips being more sensible than Snails just then.
Twilight Sparkle: That’s like saying getting hit by a wooden bat is better than get hit by a metal one.
>
> After escaping those two idiots, I started to hallucinate and see
> Snips and Snails shape shift into a nightmare-like Caribou and a
> nightmare-like Badger.
Rainbow Dash: Bad trip man! Bad trip!
> I quckly snapped myself out of it.
Applejack: [Griffy] Man, I need to detox.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> It was very nice all the other residents of Ponyville: such as these
> two good female friends named Bon-Bon (an Earth Pony) and
> Lyra (a Unicorn Pony),
Fluttershy: ‘Good friends.’ I suppose that’s technically right.
> Doctor Whoof (a male Earth Pony who has for a long time,
> working on a time machine),
Pinkie Pie: Someone lists Engrish as their first language.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, I think the language teacher inside of me finally just up and shot herself.
> Ditzy Doo (a cross-eyed female Pegasus Pony often nicknamed
> "Derpy Hooves" with craving for muffins and love effections
> for Doc Whoof)
All: (singing) What is love? Baby don’t derp me no more!
> and even three nice female Earth Ponies named Lily, Rose and
> Daisy.
Rarity: Lily promptly freaked out at the sight of Griffy. Then because the mail was late. Then because the sky was blue.
>
> I decided to get yet another side job. This time, I signed up for
> being janitor at the local spa being run by these very welcoming
> Earth Pony sisters named Lotus and Aloe.
Rainbow Dash: So wait, how many jobs does he have?
Twilight Sparkle: Ummm... three.
Applejack: Yeah. I know the economy sucks right now, but it ain’t that bad.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> When dinner time came, a little bit after sunset, I settled to eat
> the Apple Sauce for dinner and man, was it good!
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Even though it’s been out in the hot sun all day and it tasted kinda funny. I was a little annoyed by that, but I had to get used to it.
>
> After throwing the jar away into a trash bin, I discovered a
> beautiful-looking garden with a small cottage-like house being
> surounded by the garden. I gaped in wide-eyed amazment at all the
> little Animals that were living here.
Fluttershy: This is probably looking like a buffet to Griffy.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] I’ve died and gone to Denny’s!
>
> I even got really excited when I found that this "Nature Paradise"
> was right next to the EverFree Forest, my homeland.
Rarity: He can see it from his backyard.
>
> "Well, I guess I won't have to feel so far from home now", I said.
Applejack: It’s almost like it’s right next door!
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> I then decided to visit whomever was living in this nature house.
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Can I live here for a while? Since I clearly have no place to go? By the way, what’s your name?
> That's when I tripped over a rock and fell on ground face first and
> flipped over on my back.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] I’m a turtle!
Rainbow Dash: Tortoise.
Fluttershy: Both.
>
> After that accident, I was starting to pass out and the Pony living
> inside the cottage ran over to me but I could not see this Pony
> clearly, for I was falling into a deep slumber from my injuries.
Rarity: That’s shock setting in. That’s a... Wait, is this good thing or bad thing?
Twilight Sparkle: I think this falls under a “Take it as you will” thing.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> I then, thank's to my overactive imagination,
Rainbow Dash: And not the meth.
> started having a nightmare about Applejack's joke on me that
> Caribou and Badgers would steal Apple sauce from me.
Rainbow Dash: Okay, maybe it is the meth.
>
> This resulted in the nightmare being a really trippy song being
> sung as I was being tormented by very bizarre looking Caribou and
> Badgers (PS,
Applejack: Dude, what *was* in that blunt?
> it would have been weirder if they were Elephants and Weasels
> doing this stuff to me).*
Rarity: And more expensive.
>
> To Be Continued
>
> * A reference to the song, "Heffalumps and Woozles" from Disney's
> Winnie the Pooh.
>
> C15: Fluttershy
All: (singing) Hush hush, eye to eye, Fluttershy shy.
>
> After my completely insane nightmare, I woke up to find that I had
> been passed out all night because it was already 6:00 AM in the
> morning. I also discovered that I wasn't outside when I had passed
> out,
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Unlike the rest of my drug and/or alcohol related exploits.
> I was in a small bed, just my size, in some sort of bedroom-like
> room that was rather nature themed.
Fluttershy: You know it’s bad when you get laid and don’t remember it.
> I could clearly tell I was in that cottage I had attempted to enter
> yesterday.
Rainbow Dash: But you passed out before you seen the inside.
Applejack: Breaking and entering is always best done while unconscious.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> The bedroom door suddenly started to open and a very sweet and kind
> quiet voice came through saying, "I hope the little guy is okay".
Fluttershy: [voice] That type of thing... well it happens to everyone sometime.
> And in came, a yellow-colored, female, teenage Pegasus Pony with
> both a long and pink mane and tail. In fact, she must have been the
> Pony who rushed over to me when I was just getting knocked out
> yesterday. She then noticed with suprise that I was already awake.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy, sleazily] Lllllllllady.
>
> "Are you feeling okay?", she asked calmly.
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] I feel like I’m trapped in place with this half one thing, half another is trying to be the most awesome thing ever and not realizing how much he’s failing at it.
Rarity: [Fluttershy] ... Okay, still delusional.
>
> "I guess so", I replied, "Well okay, my beak doe ache a little still"
Pinkie Pie: Cocaine is a helluva drug.
>
> The Pegasus Pony was stunned to find that I was speaking in her
> language
Applejack: The mare can talk to nearly every single animal anywhere and she’s surprised when one talks back?
Rarity: [Fluttershy] Your accent’s funny. It’s between egotistical and stupid.
> (PS,
Rainbow Dash: Balls.
> before my journey actually started, I did some research in the
> EverFree Forest's public library and learned enough words in
> the Steed tongue to speek to these to Equines fluently).
Twilight Sparkle: (sarcastic) What? Really? After over fifteen chapters we thought you were communicating telepathically!
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "I'm Griffy the Pygmy Griffin", I said to her, "What's your name?"
Fluttershy: Whenever Canterlot orders a census, they have to outsource.
>
> All she did was a rather quiet mumble in response, "um, my name is
> Flutters..."
Pinkie Pie: But some refer to her as Professor Chaos.
>
> "Sorry, what was that?", I asked.
>
> "umm, I'm Flut...", she quietly mummbled.
Twilight Sparkle: Fluctuating in and out of the space-time continuum?
>
> "Still didn't quite catch that", I said.
>
> Just then, she got into a rather shy position, trying to hide her
> face in her long mane with a cute little shy sound. We both just
> stood there quiet for about half a minute.
Rarity: Plagiarism! Why bother trying to make something up when copying it so much easier.
>
> "Oooookaaaay", I said in a slightly wierded-out tone, "I'll just
> check out where your mailbox is to figure out who you are"
Rainbow Dash: Remember kids: Committing a federal offense is perfectly fine when you want to find out more on someone.
>
> I lept over to the window and spotted her mailbox down on the
> ground and it read "Fluttershy".
Rainbow Dash: ... Or he could’ve read the name on the mailbox. That works too.
>
> "Fluttershy's your name eh?", I said, turning my head around. All
> Fluttershy did in response was another adorable sounding wimper,
> due her being shy and all.
>
> Just when I started to fly towards her, my back suddenly gave out
> on me,
Pinkie Pie: Griffy! Body of 20 year old track star, back of a 75 year old with scoliosis.
> "YYYOOOWWW!", I wailed as I plumeted to the carpet.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Fluttershy desperately flew over and picked me up with her
> forelimbs and cradled me saying, "Of no, you're still unwell, it's
> best you get back into the little medic bed"
Fluttershy: [Griffy] No, I’m fine. Let me munch your carpet for a bit longer.
>
> As she tucked me back into the bed, I felt just a little annoyed at
> her erge to care for me like an infant.
>
> "Is this all really called for?", I asked.
Rarity: No, but padding is needed somewhere.
>
> "Yes it is", Fluttershy replied, "Now let me get you some
> breakfest"
>
> The next thing you know it, she was back in a flash with
> Cinnamon-coated cookies and a cup of Orange juice.
Applejack: And a french maid’s outfit.
> After I ate and drank the stuff, one of the most soothing sounds
> to ever cross my ears was about to come along.
Fluttershy: Eric Clopton on the radio?
Rarity: The Sound of Music on the TV?
Rainbow Dash: Fluttershy revving her chainsaw?
>
> "How about I sing you a get well lullaby", she asked nicely.
All: (singing) Exit light! Enter night! Take my hand! Off to never-never land!
>
> "Wwweeeeeelllll...sure", I said in response.
>
> Fluttershy than sang one of the memorable childhood songs I could
> think of as well as sing it in the most beautiful teenage singing
> voice I've ever heard. Words cannot even discribe how soothing it
> was.
Applejack: [Griffy] It was like verbal Pepto Bismol mixed with auditory Maalox.
Twilight Sparkle: More than I wanted to know.
>
> The next thing you know it, I was sound asleep again.
Rainbow Dash: Now, someone get the pillow...
>
> To Be Continued
>
> C16: EPICNESS!
All: (singing) You want it all but you can't have it! It's in your face but you can't grab it!
>
> Once I had woken up, I decided to just hang out with Fluttershy in
> her living room, chating about our lives.
Rarity: [Fluttershy] I saved a bunny last week.
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] Oh, I save an entire family of bunnies. From a bear. That was from outer space. While riding Franklin Delano Roosevcolt.
>
> I have to admit, even though this Pegasus Pony was absolutely shy
> around most, she had a real thing for little woodland Creatures.
Applejack: Just not in that way.
Fluttershy: Mostly because it’s extra.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "You're from the EverFree Forest!", exclaimed Fluttershy when she
> heard me mention where I'm native to, "But...y-you don't s-s-seem
> evil or bad", she stammered nervously.
Applejack: [Fluttershy] ... You’re going to ask me if I found the Jesuspony, aren’t you?
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] ... Maybe.
Applejack: [Fluttershy] Well, I haven’t. But when I do, he better have those 250 bits he owes me.
>
> "Not all EverFree Forest inhabitants are evil Flutter", I continued.
Rarity: Some are just jerks.
>
> "Oh, sorry if I offended you", said Fluttershy qiuetly, twiddling
> her hooves.
Applejack: [Fluttershy] I have dishonored my family. I must now make up for this transgression with ritual suicide.
>
> "Wait!", I exclaimed in a stunned fashion, "I just remembered!
> Would you happen to know what that rainbow-like explosion that
> occured years ago was?
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] It was right after I did some LSD. Made it taste like Skittles!
> I remember it inspiring me when I was just a chick-cub".
Twilight Sparkle: Bright lights inspire a kid! Also water is wet!
>
> "Sounds like you whitnessed a Sonic Rainboom being performed",
> answered Fluttershy.
>
> "A Sonic Whatboom?", I said puzzled.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] I’d rather call it The Technicolor Thunder Sounder.
>
> Suddenly, at that very moment, the sound of a tea kettle boiling
> came from the kitchen.
Rarity: [Fluttershy] New ringtone.
>
> "Oh my!", said Fluttershy excitedly, "The tea is ready".
>
> After then taking me outside to a picnic table for me to enjoy the
> sight of EverFree Forest just standing right there, Fluttershy then
> came out with two teacups and the kettle, sat down and said, "Here
> Griffy, try some tea"
Twilight Sparkle: [Fluttershy] A bald pony wearing a red vest told me to try Earl Gray, hot. And for somepony from Prance, he sounded somewhat British...
>
> At first I was curious to see what this liquid substance ("Tea" as
> Fluttershy called it) would taste all right. I actually found it to
> be only microscopiclly tasty, mostly revolting.
Rarity: Sir, the British would beg to differ.
>
> "Now now Griffy Wiffy", Fluttershy said in baby-talk, "Don't be
> Cwanky Wanky about your Dwinky Winky Poo!"
Fluttershy: Oh, I only talk to the baby animals like that... And the occasional idiot.
Applejack: Where does that put Griffy?
Fluttershy: Ummm... Well, he’s definitely not the former.
>
> "I Think I'm Going to be Sicky Wicky Poo", I thought to myself.
>
> Overall, Fluttershy reminded me of both my older female cousin and
> that girl Griffin I always had a crush on.
Rarity: Griffy never realized they were the same person.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> A few days later, after living with Fluttershy, I had chosen to
> live in and old Red Maple Tree in the town park, as an official
> citizen of Ponyville.
Rarity: [Mayor] We have houses you know.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] Nonsense! I will live here as I lived at home: Like a bum.
>
> During that same day, I also realized that it was almost time for
> the Summer Sun Celebration (meaning I will be seeing Princess
> Celestia again!)
Pinkie Pie: At least from someplace where she’ll see him too.
>
> While taking a few laps in the air that afternoon, I happened to
> notice two guards from Canterlot flying past, pulling a golden
> chariot with what looked like Celestia's best student, Twilight
> Sparkle, and her pet (I mean assistant/friend) Dragon, Spike. Now
> Spike was looking very happy, but Twilight wasn't.
Rainbow Dash: [Twilight Sparkle] I get airsick.
Twilight Sparkle: I do NOT.
Applejack: Sure you don’t! I mean we’ve been up here how long now? Just floating along, hundreds of thousands of feet off the ground. [Twilight Sparkle starts to turn slightly green] Listing and drifting from side-to-side, up and down...
Twilight Sparkle: ... Okay! I get airsick. Now somepony give me a barf bag.
>
> As soon as I returned to Ponyville, I noticed that Twilight and
> Spike had already met that insane Pinkie Pie who greeted them by
> making a big gasp for no apparent reason.
Pinkie Pie: *Gasp* We’re repeating the first episode in a bad fanfic!
> Just as the two were starting to head over to Sweet Apple Acres, I
> quickly zoomed over, stopped them both in their tracks and started
> introducing myself and everything.
Pinkie Pie: [Griffy] Hi, I’ve been watching you from the shadows this whole time!
Rarity: When your stalker introduces himself that’s when the bad things really start happening.
Twilight Sparkle: Note to self: Taser time.
>
> They also told me that Twilight was truthfully just in town to make
> friends of her own species.
Rainbow Dash: And ego size.
>
> After that I departed to go find some Bugs and Worms to eat. That's
> when it occured to me, Twilight reminded me of my mother and Spike
> reminded of that annoying Gremlin I used to know growing up.
Twilight Sparkle: Well then go to your room and don’t come out until I say so.
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> Later that night, I went to sleep earlier than I usually do, just
> so I could get up early and come to the celebration on time. Just a
> few minutes before the crack of dawm, I woke up and saw that
> everypony was geeting ready for Celestia to appear.
Rarity: Yes, but was it trending?
> While I worked my way through the crowd, I met up with Spike,
> the Dragon, and pretty soon, he and me were were pals; the guys.
Applejack: With nothing better to do that drink beer on the deck on a Saturday night.
> I also could'nt happen but notice he was, for an unknown reason,
> fantasizing about Rarity.
Twilight Sparkle: The flank?
Fluttershy: The chest?
Applejack: The hair?
Pinkie Pie: The eyes?
Rarity: Ladies... It’s the whole package.
> I tried to negotiate that he should not be in love with her (due
> to an age difference
Fluttershy: So she’s a cougar?
> and a species difference),
Twilight Sparkle: Love is blind. Unless it offends someone, then it apparently needs glasses.
> but he would not listen; thus, I had no choice but to bonk him on the
> head with my fist.
Rainbow Dash: Violence! It doesn’t solve every problem, just most of them.
>
> Just then, Celestia did not appear.
Pinkie Pie: Well, that was anti-climatic.
> And standing there, with a black fur coat and dark blue armor, was
> the evil version of Celestia's long lost younger sister she had told me
> tales about, Luna. This evil version of Princess Luna identified herself
> as Nightmare Moon and she planned to send the whole world into
> eternal night, forever.
All: (singing) Back in black, she hit the sack, she's been too long she's glad to be back!
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> I followed the six Pony girls into the EverFree Forest to complete
> their mission in saving the world with the Elements of Harmony.
> They never seemed to notice me at all. I whitnessed the whole
> entire battle, and it was AWESOME!
Rainbow Dash: Really? Really? Really?
Fluttershy: [Griffy] I wasn’t spotted the whole time! I’ll be able to use this camouflage in the tree outside Twilight Sparkle’s window!
>
> After Luna's Redemption and the Celebration that order was back,
Rarity: But not law. That took about another week.
Applejack: It was a good time for Kicks McGee though.
> I was very wierd feeling about the unknown reason why Luna had
> transformed into Nightmare Moon; maybe we'll discover the answer
> in the future.
Twilight Sparkle: With a trip to your local library!
> Me and Spike were both a little disapointed that we didn't become
> heroes and save the world with the six "PWNies".
Rainbow Dash: The true sign of a good story: Leet-speak.
> But however, me
> and Spike later got to be official members of that Pony gang of six
> (becoming the gang of eight) some time later on,
Applejack: Becoming the most notorious gang this side of the Los Pecos.
> but that's a tale for another time.
Rarity: Wouldn’t have a series if we crammed everything into one fic, now would we?
>
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
> "And that, Cutie Mark Crusaders, is how I came to live in
> Ponyville", said Griffy, still sitting on a park bench while Apple
> Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo sat in front of him with amazed
> faces.
Fluttershy: Wow, even the characters in the story are amazed with Griffy’s crap.
>
> "Well at least tell us what you did after the Summer Sun
> Celebration and Princess Luna's redemption", said Scootaloo.
>
> "Yeah", agreed Sweetie Belle, "You active or not"
Twilight Sparkle: He’s questionable for Sunday’s game.
>
> "Well sure I was", replied Griffy as he suddenly eyed a passing
> Butterfly and then snagged it with his beak and swallowed it alive,
Rainbow Dash: [butterfly] Dude, seriously? I *HELPED YOU* move here!
Rarity: He chose to Ponyville because everyone is treated equally and like neighbors there. Apparently cannibalistic neighbors.
> "Do want to know just a brief summary or something?"
>
> "That's a great ahdea!" said Apple Bloom.
>
> "That was supposed to be a joke", said Griffy,
Pinkie Pie: And the reasons why Griffy has been regulated to early Wednesday mornings on Comedy Central become apparent.
> but it was too late for him to retreat from the three foals. They
> immediately jumped onto the same bench he was on and continuously
> asked him to tell them more about his life in Ponyville up to date.
Twilight Sparkle: Bother bother bother bother.
>
> "Make me", he said with his arms crossed.
Rarity: Ve have vays of makink you talk.
>
> So the three young fillies made adorable faces by making their
> lower lips quiver and blink their eyes a few times.
>
> "NNNOOO!", wailed Griffy with a bit of laughter and smiling in his
> wailing, trying his best to cover his eyes. He peeked through to
> see if it had stopped, but no; it had not. The three foals added
> cute little girl whimpers to encourage him more.
Twilight Sparkle: Beg! Beg like the dogs you are!
>
> "PLEASE", moaned Griffy in agony, "Stop trying to make tell you
> more stories by making adorableness with your lips, voices and
> opticals!
Applejack: I thought we agreed not to get those three those special Ray-Ban sunglasses.
Rarity: But they went so well with their outfits...
> Okay, fiiiinnne!"
>
> "YYYAAAAAYYYYYYYY!", cried out the Cutie Mark Crusaders in joyful
> personalities, "So what did you do?"
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] The screams, the smell, the dancing of the flames... Somethings you never forget.
>
> "Well", said Grify taking a deep breath in and then said everything
> he had done in the first season of this show as fast as he could,
Rainbow Dash: Wait. The who of the what now?
Pinkie Pie: Well, the author probably forgot that he needed to write this as viewed from a character in the world, thus the show does not exist and should not be mentioned save for a good laugh. But this doesn’t fall into that category and was either something forgotten about or a Freudian slip. Either way, it’s probably cemented Griffy standing as a combination Mary Sue and self insertion.
Rainbow Dash: Once again, times two: The who of the what now?
Pinkie Pie: Short version? Griffy needs a decent proofreader.
> "I'm truthfully kinda creeped out that the environment outside of
> the EverFree Forest needs Pony's to live (I'd consider THAT to be
> unnatural instead of my homeland), but I guess I'll have to get ued
> to it; so I'm like incredibly annoyed when the Running of the
> Leaves turnament and Winter Wrap Up take place. Also, I finally got
> to meet a Giant Griffin for the first time in my life (I met a
> rather rude female Giant Griffin named Gilda). I like to bonk Spike
> on the head whenever he romantically eyes Rarity. I also met a
> rhyming Zebra named Zecora, we went on a trip to Apple-Loosa and
> saw the conflict between the Earth Pony settlers and the indiginous
> Bison (often informally called "Buffalo" by the settlers), I went
> the Young Fliers competition to see Rainbow Dash compete and got
> amazed when I saw her perform her second Sonic Rainboom,
> refreshing my childhood of when I first whitnessed it being performed
> by her (even though I never knew it really was her) and finally,
> Celestia sent me a ticket to go to the Grand Galloping Gala with my
> seven friends; in which I came there to get some respect from the
> Canterlot gaurds, but no, I got no respect at all"
Twilight Sparkle: That’s my entire first year in Ponyville in under a minute.
Rarity: And all without those annoying extra things, like back story, conflict & resolution, lessons learned and the impact it’ll have on you!
Applejack: Or even Twilight herself!
>
> "So we can go home now", they asked Griffy.
Fluttershy: Run! Run while you can!
>
> "You got it!", replied Griffy as he flew off the bench and back
> into the leaves of his Maple Tree house, "But wait!"
Applejack: There’s more! For just $9.95 more you can get this amazing set of ginsu knives!
>
> He then poked his head and front legs out of his Tree's leaves,
Twilight Sparkle: Tree Griffy is watching you masturbate.
> holding a wooden flute and looking very eger to play it.
>
> "What are you going to do now?", asked Sweetie Belle.
Rarity: Something not fit for children.
Fluttershy: [Griffy] I’m going to finger my hard wood in front of everyone!
>
> "You are about to hear the sounds of my old home, Gabbagon, the
> most beautiful place in all of the EverFree Forest",
Pinkie Pie: As confirmed by Ray Charles.
> he responded and then started to play the flute, making a
> beautiful-sounding tune which then followed with Griffy singing
> a short tune in Gabbagonian language:
>
> Amanalu duniaina
>
> Amanalu duniaina
>
> Amanalu duniaina
Twilight Sparkle: It’s like my iHoof’s stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay.
>
> "Wow", said Scootaloo, "That really felt relaxing"
>
> "Wow, ah think ah just entered a world where nuthin' is bad", said
> Apple Bloom.
>
> "And I think I know what happened to me", said Sweetie Belle as she
> looked up at Griffy with a blissfull face.
Applejack: Griffy still has a lot of that Manehatten juice left, and he’s sharing.
>
> She then started to imagine sparkling lights around Griffy and also
> see Griffy's light blue eyes become very peaceful looking.
Pinkie Pie: [Sweetie Belle] I think I have a concussion.
>
> "Are developing a crush on me?", asked Griffy, "Because you better
> not be, it's wrong.
Rainbow Dash: [Griffy] I’m too high on the social ladder for the likes of you. It would ruin my reputation.
Rarity: [Sweetie Belle] You wear garbage and live in a tree. Who here is aiming high?
> For one thing, we are two completely different species and even if
> we were the same species, I'd be like waaaaaay too old for you"
>
> Sweetie Belle then got an ashamed look on her face and nodded in
> agreement.
Fluttershy: Letting them down easy while bolstering their confidence and ego? Bah! Crushing the souls of the young is easier.
>
> "Until we meet again, Cutie Mark Crusaders", said Griffy as he
> moved his head and front legs back into the leaves of his Tree,
> "Kwa-herha, that means goodbye in Gabbagonian"
Twilight Sparkle: [Griffy] I’ll be watching you from the trees...
>
> The End
All: Freedom!
Rainbow Dash: Then Griffy wakes up in the back alleys of Manehatten, crashing hard off the drug. This whole thing was a hallucination.
>
> (The story shall continue with "The Swarms Strike")
Rainbow Dash: Or not.
Twilight Sparkle: Do not want!
[1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7]
*The Lab*
Nightmare Moon: So my little plethora of pastel colored ponies, how did it go down?
*Satellite*
Rarity: Actually, it wasn’t that bad. Besides the bad grammar and such, you had a ridiculously overpowered original character that wants to be super awesome, but with ponies acting completely out of character and Griffy having the social graces of a rock he winds up completely blowing it.
Rainbow Dash: Yep, and plus Griffy comes from a place from where everyone can befriend each other, yet he leaves because of bullies.
Pinkie Pie: And don’t let us get started on the fact Griffy’s looking for friends, yet he misses the ones TRYING to make friends with him. *Several times.*
Fluttershy: Or how about he came to Ponyville because everyone is treated like a neighbor, but he eats the animals in the park and smacks Spike upside the head.
Twilight Sparkle: So overall? Bearable. Stupid but bearable.
[The ponies wait for a minute.]
Applejack: Okay, so... Ya’ll can send us back to Ponyville now.
*The Lab*
[Nightmare Moon just stares blankly at the view screen. It takes a moment, but her lip starts to tremble. It quickly evolves into laughter. This lasts for a about a half a minute before she notices the ponies staring at her.]
Nightmare Moon: Oh, you were serious? Well... let me laugh even harder.
[Nightmare Moon starts laughing again, this time it lasts a good three minutes before she can compose herself.]
Nightmare Moon: Oh goddess, that felt good. Oh no my little ponies, home is no longer an option. You see, I came across the lovely thing called the internet. It contains a multitude of things: important, irrelevant, serious, tongue-in-cheek, it runs the whole gambit. But what it contains most of all is crap. It would take several banishments to the moon just to wade through a tiny portion of it. And we're going to go through it until I find the one that breaks your VERY SOULS.
[Nightmare Moon begins to laugh, this time in that more classic evil genius way. Moments later Snips and Snails appear next to her, joining in. She stops laughing while the two goofs continue on. With a glow of her horn, Nightmare Moon quickly sends a bolt of lightning into the other two, sending them flying away.]
Nightmare Moon: Where was I...? Oh yes, maniacal evil laughter.
[Nightmare Moon continues to do so until the feed cuts out.]
*Satellite*
[The six ponies just stare at the now dead view screen, shocked expressions across their faces.]
Fluttershy: ... Well shit.
Twilight Sparkle: Couldn’t put it better myself.
- PWOOSH! -
Pinkie Pie: ... MSTer’s kinda lazy for switching from prose to script like that.
Damned fourth wall breaking...
Leave it to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to yank my ass back into MSTing. Damned thing has nearly taken over the internet. Anyways...
Contact:
[email protected] (No, you don’t get my GMail addy, and the Army one has gone defunct.)
Legal:
This MSTing is copyright of RJ Bachler, and falls under Fair Use, as stated in Copyright Act of 1976, Title 17 of the United States Code, Section 107. It is strictly for entertainment and satirical purposes only. No licenses are claimed or should be implied in the making of this MSTing, and no money will be made off of it. (A.k.a.: The ‘I didn’t ask permission, please don’t sue me, the economy sucks and I’m broke’ clause.)
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters are trademark and copyright of Best Brains, Inc.
(The cast and crew still keep up in the sprit of MST3K at RiffTrax [www.rifftrax.com] and Cinematic Titanic [www.cinematictitanic.com]. You can still see MST3K on Netflix or on Hulu. RiffTrax is also up on Hulu, along with their prior MST3K-like show The Film Crew.)
My Little Pony and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all related characters are trademarked and copyright of Hasbro.
Griffy’s Journey, Griffy the Griffin and all related characters are property of Wesdaaman. The original story can be found at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7116547/1/Griffys_Journey.
Props:
To the SVAM/EWiC/C-ko’s crew, who not only put up with my idling ass, but are some of my dearest friends and got me started MSTing oh so long ago. (Yes, I still maintain the LJ community.) http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic/
To Wesdaaman, for writing this. Remember, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never find the humor in anything. To love and tolerate. And most of all: This is not an attack on you. Yes, you wrote a crappy story, but that does not make you a bad person. Just take this as a really odd form of criticism.
To Hissara, who’s also reading and commenting on his blog about Wesdaaman stories. http://totallyradicallinkname.blogspot.com/
To R1NGmasterJ5 & the crew doing Fan/fic/ Theater 3000, and RatherHomely and Mystery Pinkie Pie Theatre 3000. Nice to see that MST3K has come to MLP:FiM, and they’re doing a kick-ass job.
To all reading this: Hopefully everyone’s getting a good laugh.
Stinger: Just then, Celestia did not appear.
Leave it to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to yank my ass back into MSTing. Damned thing has nearly taken over the internet. Anyways...
Contact:
[email protected] (No, you don’t get my GMail addy, and the Army one has gone defunct.)
Legal:
This MSTing is copyright of RJ Bachler, and falls under Fair Use, as stated in Copyright Act of 1976, Title 17 of the United States Code, Section 107. It is strictly for entertainment and satirical purposes only. No licenses are claimed or should be implied in the making of this MSTing, and no money will be made off of it. (A.k.a.: The ‘I didn’t ask permission, please don’t sue me, the economy sucks and I’m broke’ clause.)
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters are trademark and copyright of Best Brains, Inc.
(The cast and crew still keep up in the sprit of MST3K at RiffTrax [www.rifftrax.com] and Cinematic Titanic [www.cinematictitanic.com]. You can still see MST3K on Netflix or on Hulu. RiffTrax is also up on Hulu, along with their prior MST3K-like show The Film Crew.)
My Little Pony and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and all related characters are trademarked and copyright of Hasbro.
Griffy’s Journey, Griffy the Griffin and all related characters are property of Wesdaaman. The original story can be found at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7116547/1/Griffys_Journey.
Props:
To the SVAM/EWiC/C-ko’s crew, who not only put up with my idling ass, but are some of my dearest friends and got me started MSTing oh so long ago. (Yes, I still maintain the LJ community.) http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic/
To Wesdaaman, for writing this. Remember, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll never find the humor in anything. To love and tolerate. And most of all: This is not an attack on you. Yes, you wrote a crappy story, but that does not make you a bad person. Just take this as a really odd form of criticism.
To Hissara, who’s also reading and commenting on his blog about Wesdaaman stories. http://totallyradicallinkname.blogspot.com/
To R1NGmasterJ5 & the crew doing Fan/fic/ Theater 3000, and RatherHomely and Mystery Pinkie Pie Theatre 3000. Nice to see that MST3K has come to MLP:FiM, and they’re doing a kick-ass job.
To all reading this: Hopefully everyone’s getting a good laugh.
Stinger: Just then, Celestia did not appear.
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...